BPOV

I had Esme's help for a whole week before she left to go back to Forks yesterday. My mother is mad at me at the moment because I supposedly chose Esme over her. My dad was here for only two days after Dylan was born, since he had to get back to work, but he basically had enough of my mother and her bullying as he called it.

I stared out at the skyline as I curled up in our bed, Edward went to grab breakfast at the deli around the corner. I had just fed Dylan and put her in her bassinet. I was starting to feel like all I was here for was to be a life source for our daughter.

The thoughts started midway through last week, it was like I was being pulled under by them. I was losing myself in this new life.

I heard the door open and close. Edward was coming around to sit our food on the nightstand. I lay unmoving. He turns and looks at me, then he's kneeling in an instant wiping away my tears that I didn't know were falling.

"Hey, " he says gently.

I reach out, stopping his hand silently taking it in my hold.

"Tell me what you need, Bell," he murmurs.

"Make it go away," I tell him.

"Make what go away, babe?" he asks, brushing my hair back.

"The emptiness," I whisper.

He kicked his shoes off moving me over so he could hold me, his hold firm. "I'm tired of feeling like this," I tell him.

"Feeling empty?"

"I'm nothing more than a food source."

"Bell, you are everything," he says earnestly, his hold tighter.

I regard him for a moment and feel like he doesn't understand, no one does. He was going back to work next week and I would be here alone with Dylan.

When I look at her, I feel overwhelmed by her. She depends on me for everything, yet I'm not sure if I'm enough as her mother or if she even likes me. What caused Esme to step in was when my mother said she hadn't seen a connection built between me and the baby.

It was that seed of doubt that caused me to question everything. That was why Esme told her to leave and she tried to assure me that Dylan was my daughter and of course we had a connection.

I wasn't feeling it, she cried a lot until I fed her or we changed her diaper. If she wouldn't stop after that, she would only let Edward soothe her. Renee took one look at him as he held her saying they were connected.

For the last week, Esme was supportive and offered encouragement, but with her gone, I felt lost again. She understood when I voiced my thoughts, she didn't judge me.

Dylan took our moment as she started to cry.

"I just fed her," I tell him.

He reluctantly lets me go to check on the baby.

I watch him stick his finger in her diaper and pull it out. "Definitely a number two," he mumbles, grabbing a wipe for his finger.

He takes her to her room so he can change her on the changing table. My eyes drift out to the skyline again.

"We need to give Mom a little break," I hear him say from out in the hall.

I don't know how much time has passed, but he hasn't come back in the room yet with her. I hear talking, but can't make out who's here.

"She's just been laying there?" I hear Rose ask from the door.

"I don't know how to make it better, she keeps saying she's empty," he sighs.

Rose's heels make their way across the hardwood floor. I watch her toe them off, she's in a tight navy dress with a gray blazer on, she had to have come from work. She faces me with her hands on her hips, but her face softens.

I only stare at her as she climbs into the bed with me.

"Is it the baby?" she asks simply.

I shake my head. "It's me."

"Okayyyy," Rose says slowly.

"I'm not enough for her—" I trail off letting my eyes move out the window again. "We're not connecting."

"I'm going to fucking go down to Miami and beat the shit out of your tree-hugging mother," she snaps gently taking hold of my face. "Listen to me, you are enough. I know my mom left and she's pretty great, but you can do this without her."

I notice Rose's eyes drift past me but I don't have it in me to look behind me to see what has her attention.

"All I do is feed her and change her diaper, she cries if I have her otherwise," I tell her.

"You have the Cadillac of breast pumps, pump. Let Edward feed her occasionally. You don't have to take on all the work, Bella. Parenting, for most of society, is a two-person job if the situation allows it," Rose tells me bluntly.

"She connects with Edward."

"Most women do," she jokes, but I don't have it in me to laugh. "C'mon that was funny, yet true."

"He's what she wants."

"Babies sense things, Sweetie, she might be picking up on how you're feeling," she reasons.

I don't comment, just stay quiet.

"Do you love her?"

My eyes snap back to Rose's face.

"Oh, that got your attention."

"What the hell kind of question is that?" I snap, feeling my breathing pick up. Did Edward think I didn't love her? Did everyone?

"Hey, hey, hey breathe, Bella," Rose murmurs.

Edward is behind me trying to sit me up. "Put your head between your knees," he instructs calmly. "Breathe, Bell."

I listen to him guide me through my breathing, Rose's hand is rubbing my back as Edward's thumbs brush my arms. Once I feel that I can sit up I notice a look pass between the siblings.

"I'm going to get you some water," Edward says, kissing my temple.

I nod.

He was the thing Rose was looking at over my shoulder.

I feel a little dizzy sitting up, but I couldn't lay back down just yet. Edward walks back in with my water in hand. I thank him, taking a long pull of my water.

"I love Dylan," I tell him as my voice cracks.

"I know you do," he says pulling me into his arms, I catch the glare he sends his sister.

He gets me to eat half of the veggie breakfast sandwich he got from the deli while Rose spends the rest of her lunch visiting with Dylan.

I didn't know where to go from here.

EPOV

"How's Bells doing?" Jazz asks, taking a bite of a fry.

I sigh, running my hand through my hair. "Slightly better, but I feel like she's getting better at hiding her postpartum," I explain.

My mom picked up on it while she stayed with us, she said Renee also wasn't helping with all her connection bullshit.

"Well, you brought in the big guns," he says referring to Rose as he takes a sip of his beer.

"I ran out of options," I told him.

When my mom left, Bella had slipped away within hours of her departure. I'd catch her staring off or curling into herself when we were in bed.

"I don't want her feeling ashamed or worse for going through this," I explain, drumming my fingers on the table.

I mostly didn't want her to regret letting me in. A lot had changed since January, we were honest and open with each other now. I didn't want to go back to the way things were before or maybe even lose her.

When Bella came into my life I was too busy being someone I wasn't. I felt like I had to live up to the legacy of my father. I was the star quarterback, the number one student in my class, an all-around nice guy, and completely trapped being my father's son.

Bella breezed in with her dreads, nose ring, and observant brown eyes. Even her clothes weren't something of the norm, I would never forget what she wore the first day I saw her in the hall, her Grateful Dead crop top with what I was pretty sure were guys jeans and a pair of scuffed-up Docs. I would have given anything to have fucked her there and then.

Her appearance might have been different from all the girls in school but she was the most gorgeous girl I'd ever laid eyes on. To this day the lone dimple on her left cheek got me every time she smiled. Our daughter had that dimple.

Because of Bella, I started to question everything I was working towards. My parents at first doubted my decisions due to my abrupt change of course but they eventually supported me once I proved I knew what I was doing with my life.

I spent that first year trying to figure out how to make her notice me. It obviously hadn't worked, but I knew more about her from my observations. She loved to read, constantly had her nose in a book. She was selfless, by volunteering at the food bank and women's shelter in Port Angeles.

Though people at school tried to mess with her, she kept her head held high ignoring most of the noise around her. She also stood by my sister when rumors at school started to link the two of them together.

I never told her this, but I knew the rumor wasn't true after a bonfire we were at in La Push. I was trying to get away from Carmen by walking to the tree line and saw Quil Ateara, a guy from the Rez, fucking Bella against a tree. It was an image that to this day I could have lived without seeing because she was with someone who wasn't me.

When Newton and Crawley started to express interest in Bella I tried to shut it down quickly. They weren't nice guys and I knew what they would try with her. They were forceful with the girls they were with and liked to record their conquests.

The more I didn't speak up and saw her with other guys, the more I fucked up by trying to move on with someone else. When Rose announced they were both applying to NYU I couldn't go anywhere else.

I followed her across the country in hopes that she'd eventually see me. The first time Jazz met her and mentioned how beautiful she was, I thought I was going to spend the rest of the year hating my new roommate. He saw right through me though and called me out for the way I watched her.

He then became my confidant with all things Bella. He'd let me beat his ear with stories about her. He also let me know I was kind of a creep for stalking her.

Things changed on Halloween our sophomore year when Rose told me about Embry, a guy from their dorm. She was drunk and let it slip that she caught him fucking Bella in their dorm room two nights before. That was when I got drunk and let Tanya blow me in the bathroom. I made the decision that night to move on from Bella.

A year and a half into my relationship with Tanya, Jazz pulled me aside asking what I was doing. I wasn't sure what he meant because things with Tanya sort of just fit. He asked if I noticed that Bella had been pulling away from the group. I had to think about it to realize I hadn't been seeing her as much, but Rose again was her hype man telling us when Bella was sneaking away with a new guy.

When we graduated, Tanya and I moved into a small studio in the West Village. I had connections with people throughout the foodservice industry through my bartending gigs, so when a guy I worked with started talking about a concept he had for this bar he wanted to start, I took a chance and invested the rest of my portion of my dad's life insurance money.

The rest was history, I became lucky with betting on the right businesses. Jazz saw what I was doing, asking if he could get in and we agreed to become fifty-fifty partners. The more I got noticed, the more Tanya did too.

Once Laurent got in her ear, she decided she was dropping out of med school. I never questioned her choices but Jazz and my sister saw her for the snake she truly was. We had been fighting more once she started sharing our lives online. There were times I was ready to break it off with her but her pregnancy announcement solidified how much we were tied to each other.

Or so I thought, I really hadn't thought about having kids but I was open to it. When I told Rose, Bella had been at the house looking stricken by the news. I started questioning everything I thought I knew. Then Tanya had started staying at friends' houses more and more. She also dipped into half of my savings. When the bank reached out, I had them freeze my account. I actually had to place a freeze on all my accounts.

I wasn't the kind of guy to go through my girlfriend's phones, but one night when Laurent was texting her in the early hours of the morning I found it odd. I opened her phone and cannot unsee his erect dick even to this day.

I had been paying for all the baby-related appointments and necessities since we found out she was expecting, so when she moved out and it was clear her daughter wasn't mine, I had my lawyers go after her for my money.

So for the last three years, she has been nothing but a pain in my side while I slowly got my money back. I am probably worth double what I was back then but the fact that she stole from me, well I wasn't going to let her get away with it.

When I broke up with Tanya, I noticed Bella started to hang out with the group more than she had in years. She lived with my sister, but I knew she made herself scarce and now I believed it was because she was feeling for me what I had for her.

I tried to get her attention early on post-Tanya, but she still was distant. Rose would tell us when Bella was out more and when she thought she was seeing someone. I started to see Irina off and on during this time. I started to lose hope when she started dating Riley, he lasted longer than anyone she had ever dated. Her abrupt breakup was surprising, but that was when I decided I was going to pursue her.

When Rose let it slip at her engagement party they were trying to set Bella up with Em's coworker Jake. I made it my mission to find her. She was at the bar with my mother when I took her by the hand leading her to the empty coat check.

I kissed her first and then she deepened it. I was surprised when her fingers started fumbling with my belt. I took over unbuttoning and unzipping my pants as she rubbed me through them. We knocked around the coats until I pulled her panties down and was pushing into her. She fit me like a glove.

I thought that after that night it would be smooth sailing and we'd be together, but then the gallery happened where I drowned my sorrows in bourbon and Irina's mouth all because I thought Bella went home to sleep with Jake.

Our misunderstandings didn't stop there, at Halloween I thought for sure I lost her. I was already in a pissy mood due to Tanya trying to proposition me and then Bella comes in insinuating that I was some kind of a sloppy mess. When she came over to us I thought she'd lay some kind of claim on me and she didn't.

I behaved like an ass that night, but she yet again hadn't trusted me. It was like everything that could go wrong, did. I regretted that month apart while she was pregnant with Dylan. We both didn't know, but it was still time wasted.

After going through what I did with Tanya, Jazz was surprised at how well I handled Bella's pregnancy. As soon as I saw her in the shower I thought she was hiding that she was pregnant from me for that reason, but I knew her better than most and trusted her. She was nothing like Tanya and I didn't need to question her. It would have only made her doubt me more.

As soon as I saw my daughter on that small screen at Forks General, I was in love. I was determined to make Bella see what she meant to me and that I could be what our daughter deserved.

I thought that when Tanya tried to accuse me of assault that Bella would either be done with me or be too stressed to stick by my side. Neither happened because she supported me throughout the whole ordeal. She proved to me that she was there for me and now I needed to do the same for her.

I look at my watch seeing that it's eleven, Jazz and I stopped to grab a bite after a club opening. I tried to not stay out late with Bell being at home with Dylan. We were just getting our footing with me going back to work and I didn't want her overwhelmed.

"So have you run out of space on your phone with all the baby pictures?" Jazz teases.

I laugh, shaking my head. "Nah, I bought more gigs."

"You're obsessed," he says leaning back in his seat.

"She's pretty great," I tell him, glancing up to see a group of girls trying to get our attention at the bar. "I didn't know it could be like this, but she has become my world."

I grab my phone, unlock it and pull up the album I have for Dylan. I hand my phone over, he starts grinning as he swipes through.

"She looks so much like Bella," he says. stopping at one of my favorites. I took it a few days ago when Dyl was napping. It looks like she is smiling, her dimple prominent.

"I don't know what it is, but she's a trip even at three weeks old," I say, trying to explain our girl to him. She'd let you know if she didn't like being bothered. It was all in her pout and the furrow of her brow.

I catch the time on my phone knowing I better leave. I wave our waitress down to pay the bill. When we left Jazz promised to send me over specs for Aro's restaurant tomorrow, they were both slowly wearing me down.

Sam drives me back to the loft. I tell him I have a morning meeting and we need to leave at nine. Once I'm in the elevator I get my keys out.

I hear the shower but stop in our room to check on Dylan in her bassinet. She's sleeping, I lean over kissing her head.

I walk into the bathroom to let Bell know I'm home. I stop in the doorway seeing her curled up on the shower floor. I rush in with my clothes on and the water is freezing. "Fuck," I let out as I quickly shut off the water.

I scoop Bella up into my arms, her teeth are chattering, her eyes are open but she's staring off to the side. I carefully place her on the bed before running to grab a towel, I dry her off, then wrap her in the blankets.

I shed my drenched clothes and throw them on the floor. I get into bed with her wrapping myself around her to get her warm.

"I'm sorry," she finally says.

I kiss her head as my heart breaks for her. I didn't want her going through this. This is a time we should be loving and enjoying our daughter.

"We need to call your doctor, Bell," I murmured in her ear as I held onto her tightly.

She nods through her tears.

If I could make this better, I would, but right now it was bigger than both of us. She pulls back, wiping under my eyes.

"Dylan?" Bella suddenly says.

"She's sleeping," I assure her.

We lie in the bed for God knows how long before Bella speaks up. "My boobs are full," she tells me.

"Pump," I say, rubbing her back. "I can feed her when she wakes up."

She sits up grabbing the pump off the nightstand. I watch as she gets it set up and turns it on. We sit side by side against the headboard as she pumps.

She's playing with her fingers and I take her hand in mine. She looks over at me, beginning to cry again. "Hey, it's okay, Bell," I soothe.

She shakes her head.

"I wanted to take a shower, I thought maybe I'd feel better— I don't know what happened. What if she would have started to cry, Edward? What kind of mother am I?"

"Bella, you are the best mother, but we need to focus on your health. Sometimes we need help and that's okay," I say as she lays her head on my shoulder.

She nods, "I'll call Dr. Cooper's office in the morning."

"I think this will be a good thing," I encourage.

Once she's done I take the pump and the now full bottles out to the kitchen. I put the bottles in the fridge and cleaned the pump.

When I get back in bed Bella lays her head on my chest. My heart tightens for this girl, she has meant everything to me for longer than a decade. I would make it my mission to fix this for her and make her happy again.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, Bell?"

"I love you," she says, kissing over my heart.

I squeeze her a little tighter. "I love you too, Bell— so much," I say, kissing her head.