Chapter 57

Everyone was overjoyed at the news of Ichika and Kazui's marriage and Toushiro agreed without any objections. Only Isamu was left disappointed and so was Ikkaku, who thought his long-lasting friendship with Renji would work in his favour. Yet, when he spoke to the man and realized that it was Ichika's choice, he accepted it without holding a grudge against anyone. After all he had always liked Kurosaki too. And his son was much more charming than Kazui, so finding another girl would be no problem for him.

Things did not look so bright at Hideki's household. Even after a month had passed, he felt that his wound was still so fresh and hurt as badly as before. Instead of finding comfort in Tsunade, they had a complete fallout two weeks ago, when he had brought her Eri in order to cheer her up and made her show some affection to their daughter. She had shouted at the girl and insisted she go to her room with the maids, because she did not want to see her. Hideki got furious.

"Eri is our daughter! She is all we have left. The reason we must overcome our pain. She is also suffering."

"She has people to take care of her. I can't stand her presence around me."

"What are you saying?" He raised his voice, completely shocked by her words. "You are her mother! You have to thank God that he left her to us."

"I wish he had taken her, instead of Hoshi..." She said the words without thinking and regretted it immediately afterwards, even though this thought passed her mind every now and then.

But the damage was already done. Hideki couldn't control his anger and slapped her hard. She fell backwards into the bed. He had left without any words and spent the afternoon with Eri, trying to make up for her lack of a mother. He also forbade the maids to take Eri to her mother, because he started to fear for her well-being. After his anger had subsided, he sent the doctor to Tsunade, but she refused to take the prescribed medicine and he gave up on trying to help her, so he only ignored her. She spent the days confined to her room with her bruised cheek, with only lady Cao by her side to try and find a way to repair the relationship between the spouses. Sachiko also stopped visiting her sister after her confession about her involvement in Rika's death. But she was a devoted aunt to Eri, who grew really attached to her.

One afternoon it had gotten warm outside and Sachiko took Eri to play by the seaside. She taught her how to build a castle out of sand, but their little game had soon turned into Eri playing randomly in the sand, throwing it around and laughing. It was everything Sachiko needed to feel better. Hideki also watched the scene from the distance, before coming closer to the girls.

"Daddy!" Eri exclaimed when she saw him and ran to embrace her father, but she fell in the sand.

Hideki picked her up and kissed her cheek.

"How are you, my peanut?"

"Good. I am building a castle with mommy."

Hideki and Sachiko exchanged confused looks, but none of them corrected the little girl. Hideki smiled and asked her to show him how it was supposed to be done. Eri accepted eagerly and her attempts to build one made him laugh. She got dirty up to her face and they decided to head back inside. One of the maids took the little princess into her arms. Hideki and Sachiko stayed back, walking slowly side by side.

"Thank you for taking care of her."

"No need to thank me. It is a pleasure. My niece is a wonderful child."

"She is." He smiled. "Only that her mother does not think so."

There was a heavy pause before Sachiko answered.

"I am sure she loves her, but she is too crushed by the loss of Hoshi to be able to act like a good mother."

Hideki shook his head.

"That's what I tried to tell myself too, but to say that you wish she had died instead."

Sachiko couldn't respond.

"The truth is that she never cared for her like a real mother. She was a good mother only to Hoshi, because he was the boy. The heir, who could inherit the throne one day. Instead of me being fixed on the idea of having a son, it was her."

"I believe out mother is responsible for it. She has always felt unloved by her father and she subconsciously thought it was due to her being a girl. Even when their relationship became warmer, she couldn't shake it off. Our father is the one who had always showered us with affection, not her. She longed for a son and she taught Tsunade that it is her duty to give you one. Unfortunately, Tsunade takes after our mother too much."

Hideki sighed.

"I can't help her change her mindset and I honestly don't have any more patience towards her. I tried to make it work, but I can't. I don't love her."

Sachiko gulped and slowed her steps even more. It was so uncomfortable to hear something intimate, especially concerning her sister. But the worst was that she couldn't even be mad at him for saying it.

"Maybe you can still make your marriage work, after you both give yourself time and space."

Hideki stopped and turned back to look at her face, a dry smile appearing on his own.

"There is no chance for us anymore." She kept quiet. He stepped closer and pinched her cheek. "Still, thank you for trying to comfort me. Maybe if we had gotten married instead, we would have made it work."

He said it just like that and with a smile, obviously trying to ease the tension. But Sachiko felt heat on her face and was thankful he had quickly looked ahead and started walking, so he wouldn't notice the blush on her cheeks. Before Tsunade and Hideki's marriage, Toushiro and Omaeda had suggested they marry Sachiko and Hideki, because Sachiko developed faster than Tsunade and she was already fertile at 14. Soifon had objected because she deemed Tsunade fitter for the role of the future queen. But back then Sachiko had fantasized a little about becoming Hideki's wife. She liked him a lot as a friend when they played together as children. Tsunade rarely joined their games and was never funny and playful. But she knew that Hideki never saw her as a potential love interest and was not attracted to her as a woman. She had always been chubby and a little tomboyish, while her sister was much prettier.

In the green palace Deiji was feeling happier than ever. She had undergone such a sudden transformation, that no one could believe it. But she decided to follow Takashi's advice and focus on the things that made her feel happy. So she started dancing, because she loved music very much and it made her feel so relaxed that her mood immediately improved. He enjoyed watching her, when he had the time and she even promised to prepare a special dance for him. Her other favorite thing was her involvement in charity work. With Takashi's approval she had opened a kitchen at the market, giving out one free meal every day for the poor children. She used to go there at least once a week to give out the food herself.

One night she fulfilled her promise and danced a sensual dance with fans in front of him. He did not pay much attention to the details but loved seeing her eyes behind the fan and her confident and even seductive smile. When she finished the dance she stepped forward.

He moved his chair back and pulled her into his lap.

She smiled and embraced him.

"Did you enjoy my performance?"

"It was beautiful. It suits you." He smiled, but she noticed that he seemed tired.

"Was your day very busy?"

"You can say so." He looked back at the papers and she also turned her attention that way.

It was not appropriate for women to meddle in these things, but she wanted to know what he was doing and wanted to break the stereotype of women's submissive role.

"Can I help you?"

"You? No." He chuckled and she got annoyed.

He quickly noticed that and felt regretful for mocking her. But it was ridiculous for a concubine to help with governing.

"I am sorry, Deiji, but it is not something you can engage in."

"As you say. If you think that I am that stupid not to understand." She frowned and turned her head to the side.

His arms tightened their hold on her.

"You know that I don't think you are stupid. It is just that..."

"That I am a woman. And a slave at that."

"Hey..." He put his hand under her chin and made her look into his eyes. "Have I ever treated you like one?"

"Not you. It is the whole system. People expect of me only to please you and give you children. And I can't do one of these, so I wanted to be useful in another way. But it seems it is not possible."

"Of course it is." He smiled. "And I already promised to let you keep the public kitchen going with your own resources. You will be of great help to the people."

"But if I know what their troubles are, I will be able to help even more."

"Enough, Deiji!" He raised his voice and she widened her eyes. "My mother is the empress and she only engages in charity work. No one lets the concubines do one, but I do it for you, because I love and respect you. Not even Tsunade has this role in front of the common people, but you do. So, stop probing any further!" He got annoyed and stood up. It was all going so smoothly until a while ago. He could not understand why she was not happy with the role of bringing him peace and happiness and wanted more.

"As if Tsunade wants to!" Deiji felt hurt, but knew he was right. He had given her more freedom and respect than anyone else. Just that their world treated women as inferior and everyone saw it as normal.

He calmed down when he saw her sad expression and his features immediately softened. He moved closer and kissed her lips in a silent apology, turning his whole attention to her. She had no right to be offended. So she let him make love to her as usual, even though she had no desire for it and lied wide awake afterwards next to him. He had quickly drifted off to sleep, because he was that tired, but she couldn't. She was fighting the temptation for a long time, before finally surrendering to it. The papers lay on his desk, next to the dim light of the candle and she wanted to take just one look at them. So she got up as quietly as possible and started reading the papers, after making sure that he was still sound asleep. The people complained of Nobu, claiming to have asked him for help numerous times, while he promised to help, but then did nothing, always presenting his decisions as the ones of the prince. Deiji shook her head. She knew Takashi would never ignore the folk, or lie to them. Nobu, however, turned out to be much worse than she suspected. He had to be punished for this insolence. She wondered why Takashi seemed so troubled about it. After spending a bit more time over the papers, she returned into bed and sat next to Takashi, taking a good look at his sleeping face in the moon light. He looked handsome with his slightly longer hair, bearing some seriousness that made him look older, much like his father, but his face showed his inner innocence. She knew he had it hard and she wanted to help him, but felt regretful for breaking his trust with her actions.

"I am sorry." She whispered and moved closer to him, embracing him.

The news did not escape her mind and during the next days she paid closer attention to Nobu, expecting him to be demoted from his position. Nothing happened and he still walked as confident as before, giving his commands. When she saw him next to Takashi and noticed their warm relationship, she got even angrier. She took Takashi's actions as weakness of character. Surprisingly the one she could confide her thoughts in was lady Go.

"I don't like this man at all."

"If this will make you feel better, your feelings are mutual."

Deji looked annoyed.

"He should be concerned for the ordinary people and their problems, working in their interest. Instead, he seems to be stuck up and corrupted. And the prince trusts him blindly."

"He is stuck up, that's true. But he has a lot of experience. Our prince would not be able to govern the district without such people by his side. And he is not a bad person."

Something about lady Go's expression and intonation changed at the last sentence and Deiji immediately caught onto it.

"You seem to know him well. Was there something between you in the past?"

Lady Go gasped.

"How come, my lady? I am a concubine of his Majesty!"

"So? I am sure that if you ask the empress, she will free you of duty. You have served so many years in the palace. And you have no relationship with the emperor."

Lady Go was wondering whether to speak, but she also felt the need to share her pain.

"It would have been good if they found a husband for me, but my time has passed."

Deiji felt sympathetic.

"Don't say that! You are still beautiful! If you want to, I can also speak to Takashi."

"No!" She shook her head. "My time has passed." Her expression darkened again and Deiji felt that there was more to her story, but she probed no further. It was connected to Nobu and her dislike of him grew even more. "But you, my lady, better realize your luck and not bring more trouble upon yourself. Forget about Nobu and don't meddle in politics."

"We shouldn't let men command our whole being! We should also have the right to express our opinion. If I were to become an empress one day, I would change many things." Her passionate words ended here and she added quietly. "But that will never happen. I am only an ordinary concubine, barren at that. When a woman gives our prince a child, I will become completely speechless."

"Stop thinking about it. They say it would be really hard for you to get pregnant, not impossible. And so many women were told it would be impossible to become mothers, but...Take our princess Rukia as an example. Years passed, but she gave birth to Ichika."

"God willing! I don't want anything else." Deiji said.

Lady Go caught her hands.

During the weeks Hideki found out that his healing could not be stimulated by his wife, but rather by her sister. He spent every free time with Sachiko, finding solace in their funny memories from the past and their mutual favorite things, such as playing Go.

"No way! You win again! And I am supposed to be better!"

"Why?" She raised her eyebrows. "Don't say it! I already know. Because men are better strategists." She said the last sentence with irony and he smirked.

"Don't get too greedy!"

They both started laughing and were ready to go on for another round, but lady Cao appeared at the door frame, looking shocked by the sight.

"Excuse me, your Highness!" Hideki looked at her. "Her highness is waiting for you."

His mood immediately worsened.

"I can't go."

"Please. She said it is important."

"Not tonight."

He had no intention of going, but Sachiko's look made him reconsider. When she also asked him to, he surrendered and got up. Lady Cao kept on watching Sachiko with an accusing look.

"What?" Sachiko asked. "If you want to say something, say it."

The older woman just shook her head and went out.

When Hideki reached the room of his wife, he found her transformed. She had put on some makeup and dressed up in one of her most seductive nightgowns.

"Hideki!" She smiled. "Thank you for coming." She moved closer to him. "I am so sorry. I am terribly sorry for what I said. It was due to the pain. I never thought it seriously."

He was quiet. She caught his hands.

"Please, let me see my daughter."

He was reluctant, but after some thoughts, he nodded his head.

"Thank you." She smiled again and it seemed sincere. When she moved closer in an attempt to kiss him, however, he moved away and her face darkened. "Why?"

"You can't expect me to forget everything, Tsunade."

"Still, I am your wife. We can only find comfort in each other, in our love." She moved her hands on his chest.

He sighed and removed them.

"You are my wife, but there is no love between us."

She seemed shocked by his words. She felt it too, but for him to say it so boldly.

"I love you." She said.

After a short pause, he started laughing.

"As if you had ever loved someone other than yourself."

These cold mocking words, said so casually after she had lost the one most precious to her heart, infuriated her. She moved closer again and grabbed the front of his robes.

"You are not the perfect husband either! May I remind you of your infidelity?"

"You better get used to it. You will be my wife in front of the world, but never again in my bed."

Her eyes widened at his words and she was frozen for a second. He moved to the door, but her shock quickly transformed into anger and she grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

"You can't do it! I have to give birth to your heir! So you are obliged to sleep with me! A son born from one of your concubines, will never be a real heir! I will never allow it."

There was something triumphant in her eyes, which made his blood boil. He was quiet and she felt that she had won. If there was no love between them, at least she would have power. Then he smirked and her feelings of triumph disappeared. There was something in his smile which made her feel scared of him for the first time in her life.

"Is that so? Ok." He took off his shirt.

She stepped back, but he caught her arm and pulled her towards her bed, pushing her down.

"No! Leave me!"

"Isn't that what you wanted?" He moved on top of her, taking a tight hold of her wrists.

"Not like that."

"You don't get to choose."

After that night Hideki left early the next morning and did not return until sunset, but even then he retreated to his room without speaking to Sachiko or visiting his daughter. Tsunade also refused to leave her room and did not let anyone in, except from lady Cao. The situation between the spouses troubled Sachiko and she constantly thought of ways to help, but couldn't find a solution. Because she had also lost hope in her sister. Two days later, Hideki finally accepted her into his room. He looked like he had not slept for days.

"How are you, Hideki? Are you sick?"

"I am."

"Then I should call the doctor." She was ready to go outside and inform the servants, but he shook his head.

"My soul is sick, not my body. I've fallen so low, that there is no redemption for me anymore."

She felt truly sad watching him like this. His shoulders lay low, he had dark circles under his eyes and one could hardly believe such a change could occur in a young man for just a few days.

"What do you mean? What did Tsunade do?"

He sighed.

"It was not her. It was me. There is no hope for this marriage to go on, even without love. One day either I will kill her, or she will kill me."

Sachiko's eyes widened and she could not find any words. A divorce was out of the question, but this couldn't go on like this.

"Don't say that, please." She thought of the only thing she could help with and sat next to him, pulling him into her embrace.

He was stiff for a moment, wondering what to do. Then, he relaxed into her arms and even started quietly sobbing, with Sachiko running her hands on his back softly, like a mother would.

"Shhh..." Airi held her baby son in her arms walking in circles in the garden, as he would not calm down to sleep.

She still refused to leave him to the maids, but Momo could feel her growing tension and fatigue. The only thing that could rule them over, was her stubbornness.

"Why are you being like this?" She sighed. When the maids had suggested that her milk was not enough for the little boy, she had immediately felt offended, even though her mother supported their opinion too.

Her thoughts got distracted when she saw the figure of the man in front of her.

"Your Highness!" The blond man bowed, but she was frozen, watching him like she had seen a ghost. "Congratulations! You have a very cute son."

"Thank you...captain Kira."

They stood there in silence for few minutes, before he bowed again and was ready to go on his way. She stopped him. One of the maids took the baby and stepped back by the order of the princess.

"You should have told me how you felt from the beginning. It would have spared us both the trouble."

He stopped, but did not face her.

"I did not want to offend you."

"But you hurt me in the end. And I hurt you with my foolish childish feelings."

This time he faced her and noticed how much she had grown up, becoming even more beautiful than her mother.

"Don't call them foolish. One should never regret their feelings, when they are pure. But everything happened for the best. I was not suitable for you."

"Don't hide behind this again. I was ready to defy the whole world for you...If only you answered my feelings."

She tried to hold back the tears. His silence was unbearable. It had to end and he knew it. He had to hurt her to save her future, because she had to finally let go of everything and leave it in the past. And he needed that too. Even if it meant lying.

"I am sorry. I have always liked you, but I couldn't love you as a woman."

She nodded her head.

"Always be that straightforward in your relationships, captain. No matter if the woman standing before you is a princess."

With these words, she straightened her pose and stepped back to take her son into her arms again, immediately putting on a smile. He was amazed by her pride and strength of character.

When she came back into her mother's room, there was no trace of sadness on Airi's face. She seemed calmer than ever. So her decision to find a wet nurse for her son surprised her mother.

"What happened that made you reconsider?" Momo asked, while holding her grandson. The baby had calmed down and Momo was admiring his cute face.

"Nothing. I just felt that I need to let go of some things, which are out of my control."

Momo looked up, once again amazed by her daughter's mature words. She smiled.

"True. Anyway, it's a good decision. We will find the best one to take care of my grandson."

Airi nodded her head and threw a quick glance at the garden.

The door opened and Toushiro came inside, a smile appearing on his face immediately after he saw his daughter and grandson. Airi also smiled brightly and moved to embrace her father.

"Father!" She wrapped her arms around him.

Toushiro kissed her forehead.

"Welcome, my beautiful daughter!"

Momo's heart always warmed up at the sight of father and daughter and she was convinced that Airi was Toushiro's favorite out of all their children. As for herself, she thought she had no favourites, but Masaru held a special place in her heart, because she knew he needed her protection more than anyone else.

Toushiro moved closer and sat next to Momo.

"Look, grandfather came to see you, little Toushiro!" She said and handed Toushiro his grandson.

He still felt strange hearing his name being called to the small boy, but it was nice to see himself reborn. The little baby also seemed to like his company, because he made a cute sound once inside his hands and smiled.

Airi sighed.

"Look! Who would have thought that father is so good with children?"

Toushiro raised an eyebrow.

"And who do you think raised you and your brothers?"

Both she and Momo chuckled and looked to the side. There was no denying that Toushiro was a devoted father, but he never had much time for his children. Especially after he became the emperor.

"Go and find your husband. Let's have dinner together! I will also call Masaru."

Airi smiled.

"Great!"

In district 2, Tsunade felt she was becoming more and more mentally unstable so she sent lady Cao to get Sachiko. She desperately needed her sister. But Sachiko did not go, because she was tired of following her sister's commands and she still felt disgusted with her.

"Fool!" Tsunade threw a glass on the floor and it broke into little pieces, startling even lady Cao.

"Princess, you have to calm down! You are estranging everyone from you."

"As if it's my fault! I lost my son and they all turned their backs on me! My husband raped me, but she is by his side!"

She put her hands on her face, ready to burst into tears, but she started laughing instead. Lady Cao was terrified. She quickly left the room and went for the doctor.

"She is descending into madness. If she does not start taking her medication, she will get worse to the point of no return. Talk to the prince, to her sister. Only her closest ones can help her."

Lady Cao was determined to help her mistress, but she did not find Sachiko in her room and then she was not allowed into Hideki's chambers. She shook her head.

"My princess is tormenting herself, while they are having dinner, enjoying themselves like a married couple!"

She took it upon herself to give Tsunade her medication, lying that it was only herbal tea.

Meanwhile Sachiko and Hideki were really enjoying their time together, reminiscing about a cute memory, when Sachiko fell from a tree and injured her cheek. It had become so red, but she still tried to hide it. It was futile, as her mother had quickly noticed and had slapped her other cheek so hard, that it became red too. Sachiko had felt ashamed to show herself in front of her cousins, but Hideki had reassured her that she looked better that way, because it was symmetrical.

"I can't believe I said that! It is so rude!"

Sachiko laughed.

"No! It was funny! It really made me feel better!"

He smiled too, then made her lean closer, examining her face.

"You really have a small scar left here." He touched the part of her cheek and she felt uncomfortable.

They were all alone in his room in the dim light and he was her brother-in-law. And there was something in his look, which made her feel nervous.

"It got late. I have to go." She tried to stand up, but he caught her wrist.

"Stay. Please. It is not that late. And you have not finished your dessert."

"I better not. I am chubby enough."

"You are perfect."

She gulped and tried to look away. Maybe it was just her imagination going wild, but she could not stay there anymore, because it was not about to end well. She moved to the door, but he was quicker.

"Sachiko! Did I say something wrong?" He seemed genuine and she could not run away without explanation.

"No. But I don't want to do anything wrong."

He smiled. His eyes have become so different from their usual state, full of something warm and calming. She sighed, feeling stupid for assuming his feelings could be anything other than friendly and familial. And then he kissed her.

The new chapter is here after a long wait! The next one will be uploaded in September! Read, enjoy and review! :)