Chapter 9
What I feel, I shouldn't show you,
so when you're around I won't;
I know I've no right to feel it -
but it doesn't mean I don't.
-Lang Leav
Present Time: September 2000 / Draco's Time: Same as Present
Draco was on guard for the entire week following his trip to the future, waiting for something "interesting" to happen. He wasn't sure if he should be looking forward to the mystery event or dreading it, but by his meeting with Granger the following Tuesday, he just wanted to get it over with. He was sick of being in the dark and would rather face whatever was coming than be endlessly nervous about it.
So, he was a bit on edge when he walked into the room and found Granger in her usual spot, doing her usual thing, scratching her quill frantically across the parchment. "Granger," he said in greeting as he took the seat across from her.
"Hi," she said when she was finished writing out the current line. Draco noticed she was wearing makeup, which he'd seen on her before, but not since the night of the Ministry Gala months ago.
"You're wearing makeup," he said, then scanned the rest of her appearance. She was wearing black pants and that coral top with the white flowers that looked good on her. (Yes, he knew all her tops by now and no, he didn't want to talk about it.)
She blushed and nervously pushed her hair behind her ears. "Yes, well spotted. Um, anyway, I wanted to tell you they caught the man who was sending all those spelled objects to Purebloods. They were already pretty sure who it was but didn't have proof. The saleswoman Daphne led the team to gave him up, eager to avoid going to prison herself. I sent Daphne an owl but, uh, though you might want to know, too. There will be an article about it in the Prophet tomorrow."
"Right, thanks." That would be good. The house elves had been tasked with scouring every new item that entered the house, from mundane objects like new vials, to the custom clothes his mother ordered, to groceries for any signs of spells that shouldn't be there. Draco knew they'd be relieved to be able to stop this task so they could get back to their regular duties. He also knew better than to tell Granger how he'd been mitigating this risk.
"Back to the makeup," he said. "What's going on?"
She crossed her arms and scowled at him. "None of your business."
"You ask me things that aren't your business all the time," Draco pointed out.
"I told you I'm plagued by extreme curiosity."
"And I told you that's a nice way of saying 'nosy.'"
"Well, now who's the nosy one?"
"I won't be able to concentrate until I know," he said dramatically, like it was a joke, but it wasn't. He'd figured out by now she had five tops and three dresses she cycled between. She also wore her hair down on particular days and Draco guessed it was related to some sort of hair washing schedule. But she never wore makeup and he needed to know what was behind the anomaly.
"Fine. It's my birthday, so I felt like being slightly more dressed up today."
"It's your birthday today?"
"Would you like proof?"
"Do you have any?" he asked curiously.
"No, actually," she said with a laugh. "It's funny because all Muggles carry identification cards which have their birthday on them but we don't have anything like that."
"I could cast an Age Spell on you and confirm you're twenty-one, but that won't prove your birthday is today," he replied thoughtfully, "since you could have changed ages on some previous day. I guess I'm just going to have to trust you."
Draco stood up and went to the door. "Let's go."
"Where?"
"Somewhere fun. It's your birthday. You don't have to work today."
"That's not a thing."
"Sure it is."
"Take it from someone who has a real job. You don't get to skip out on work because it's your birthday. Now, can you sit down and read over this proposal I prepared?"
Draco crossed his arms and leaned against the closed door. "No."
She rolled her eyes and seemed to settle further into her seat.
"If you must work today, at least take this hour to do something fun. I insist."
"No," she repeated.
Draco took a deep breath, then barely managed to vocalize the word, "Please?"
Granger let out a laugh. "As fun as that was to watch, no. Thanks for the offer, though."
"I'll let you look at the book of exceptions. I'll loan it to you for an entire week."
"I'll just forget anything I read once I give it back."
"But we both know you'll really enjoy the week you have it. Consider it a birthday gift."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why are you pushing this so hard?"
"I don't like it when people say no to me and the more times you do it, the more determined I am to get you to agree." Also, he wanted to get her out of this room. He wanted to see what spending time with her outside of these bland walls (without Daphne there, talking incessantly) felt like. But he wasn't about to tell her that. He was barely able to admit it to himself.
She crossed her arms over her chest. "I am just as stubborn as you and can sit here and stare you down for the next hour, if I have to."
"But then you don't get to read the book."
They stared at each other for a few moments, then Granger huffed and got to her feet. "Fine. Let me go get my outer robes and I'll meet you at the lift."
A few moments later, as they were walking onto the lift, Granger asked, "Do all Slytherins kidnap people? Is that a thing they teach you?"
"Yes. Also how to steal sweets from babies and kick puppies. Nice shoes, by the way."
The door to the lift closed and Draco pressed the button for Level 2. Granger was looking down at her shoes. They were similar to the plain, black pointed heels his mother wore, but without the heel part. He could tell by the leather they were good quality and they suited Granger's simple style.
"Yeah. They're not so bad," she admitted. "I actually bought another color, last week. I've never splurged on expensive shoes before but Daphne pointed out that not only are they more comfortable and nicer looking, but they'll last longer, making it so I don't have to go shopping as often, which is the ultimate goal. But of course, Ron didn't-" she cut off and frowned. "No, I'm not going to tell you that."
Draco really wanted to say something but he'd barely managed to get her into the lift and knew if he insulted her precious boyfriend right now, she'd probably return to her office. So, he bit the inside of his cheek and they were quiet for the remainder of the lift ride.
When they reached the Atrium, she turned to him and said, "Bravo for not saying anything about Ron. Were you literally biting your tongue?"
"The inside of my cheek. And only because it's your birthday, Granger. Tell me, where are we going?"
"I don't know," she shrugged. "This is your idea."
They'd reached the Ministry exit and stopped just inside the main door. "It's your birthday. Just pick something you like to do."
"I'd like to be upstairs not doing this."
"Come on…" He paused to give her what he hoped was a charming smile. "...live a little, Granger." Judging by the way she blushed and dropped her eyes, the smile had worked.
"Fine. I want to go to the Muggle world."
Draco nodded and changed his outer robes into a light trench coat, wondering if this was some sort of test to see if he'd refuse being surrounded by Muggles. If it was a test, it was one he was determined to pass. She changed her clothes, Apparated them to a dark alley, then led them to an ice cream shop.
He watched her use an odd plastic card to pay for the ice cream cones, then complained about not being able to pay, but she just told him it was the least she could do since he'd paid for lunch last month.
As they walked to a park, licking their cones, Draco asked her about Daphne, who'd mentioned to him that she'd seen Granger a few more times since their lunch, but hadn't given Draco any details.
"She insisted on setting up a standing weekly shopping date," Granger explained. "She seems determined to change my entire wardrobe one piece at a time, but the last few times I managed to escape without buying anything and just watched her shop, which was surprisingly entertaining."
They'd arrived at a park and Granger led the way up the path to a bench that overlooked a lake and several walking paths. Once they sat down, Granger turned to Draco and asked, "What's going on with Daphne and Blaise? It seems toxic, whatever it is."
"Oh, uh, just a lot of drama," he said brusquely, trying to brush her off. He felt uncomfortable talking to her about them, especially since he himself didn't really know what was going on there.
"And you and Daphne were together in school. She told me that."
"She did?!" In what context? Draco couldn't wait to quiz Daphne on this later. "I don't think one night in Fifth Year counts as being 'together.'"
Granger just shrugged. "You were with Daphne, then her sister. And now she's sort of with Blaise, one of your closest friends. It's all very incestuous. But then again, you are Purebloods," she ended matter-of-factly before licking her ice cream again.
"In your group of friends everyone's dating a Weasley," he countered.
"The Weasleys are Purebloods too."
Draco laughed. "Okay, that was unexpectedly funny," he admitted.
"Why unexpected?"
"You said yourself you'd rather be working right now than telling jokes about incestuous Purebloods while eating ice cream. I wouldn't expect someone like that to be very fun, or funny, for that matter."
She rolled her eyes. "Let's play a game. How's that for fun?"
"What sort of game?"
She explained the rules, which were simple. All you had to do was pick some Muggles from the crowd and try to guess what they were thinking or saying. Granger nodded toward a man and woman a few years older than them who were walking along one of the paths.
"That couple there has been struggling," she began. "They've been friends for a long time and haven't been able to get a relationship started and there's an ocean of longing between them." Draco looked away from the couple, over at her. She was speaking with such solemnity, he wondered if she was talking from experience.
"See how they're leaning close to each other as they walk? They won't hold hands, that's too intimate, but even though they're not touching, they're always aware of the other." She sighed and licked her ice cream again and Draco saw that her eyes were wet. What was she remembering?
"I hope they figure it out," she finished with a shrug.
"No," Draco said quickly. "They're cousins. They're attracted to each other but can't act on it because they're related. That's why they're leaning in but not touching. It would be, well, gross."
Granger burst into laughter, which caused a rush of pride to flow through Draco. He was happy he'd been able to erase the melancholy from just moments ago. "They don't look anything alike," she pointed out.
Draco shrugged. "You're the one who brought up incest earlier. Now it's on my mind. Every story I think of seems to come back to that."
She was still laughing and he smiled, in spite of himself. Then, it hit him. They were on a date. Oh shit. How had this happened? Well, the answer to that was simple. He'd asked her out, she'd said no, he'd asked again, she'd said no again, and then he'd pushed and pushed until she ultimately agreed.
And now he had to face the fact that he was the sort of wizard who dated Gryffindors. Muggleborn Gryffindors. Muggleborn Gryffindors with Weasley boyfriends. Not just that, but Draco was the sort of wizard who forced Muggleborn Gryffindors with Weasley boyfriends to go on dates they didn't want to go on. Fucking hell.
"What?" she asked, obviously picking up on his distress.
"Uh, brain freeze," he muttered, then Vanished his unfinished cone with a wave of his hand.
"Malfoy!"
"Oh, shit." He'd forgotten they were surrounded by Muggles. It was her fault for distracting him. "Did anyone see me?"
"I don't know."
"I'll just say it was sleight of hand."
"Really? With an ice cream cone? Do you expect someone to believe you shoved it up your sleeve somehow? You're going to get us arrested," she hissed, looking worriedly around them. But it didn't seem like anyone was paying attention to them.
"Relax, Granger. No one saw."
She gave him a stern look, then looked back at the lake. Now he'd upset her. This wasn't a very good date.
What is wrong with you? This is not a date!
Regardless, Draco wanted to get back to the joking and laughing from earlier. "I thought you didn't like sweets," he said, trying to change the topic.
"Oh, I do. I prefer more tart or bitter sweets, since I do find some foods overly sweet, but I was just lying to Daphne before. It was funny watching her get increasingly more frustrated," she replied with a wicked grin.
"I was wrong when I told you last week that you don't have a sinister bone in your body. You do, but a very small one."
"Yeah?" she asked, turning toward him. "Which one?"
His eyes flashed to her collarbone, which wasn't a very small bone, but it was pointed toward him and he had a desire to lean forward and kiss it. Then he could bite it, maybe lick it. Perhaps lick a path all the way up to her neck and suck on it – hard – so hard he'd leave a mark for her boyfriend to see later. Fuck, he was supposed to be answering a question. What had she asked?
Draco leaned in and touched her middle finger. "This one," he announced, as casually as possible. "Which is fitting, since it's activated anytime you flip someone off."
"I don't think I've ever done that in my life."
"What?"
She just shrugged and took a bite of her cone.
"Oh, Granger...you're too good," he declared. "But don't worry, you're being corrupted by Slytherins now. Between your meetings with me and these weekly shopping trips with Daphne, we'll have you flipping people off by the end of the year. Swearing, too."
She let out a small laugh, then said after a while, "You forgot Theo."
"What?"
"I see Theo, too. Once a week, at a coffee shop before work."
"Theo?! Fucking hell." Why didn't he know that? And why did the idea of her secretly meeting with Theo make him angry? Granger was watching him, clearly amused, and he focused back on her. "Your world is being infiltrated by Slytherins, Granger. How are the Aurors in your life allowing this?"
She scowled and said automatically, in a way that made him think she'd said these exact words before, "I'm a grown witch and perfectly capable of making decisions about who I do and don't spend time with. Except for you, of course," she added with a smirk. "I'm forced to work with you, since you're the Sacred Twenty-Eight Liaison and even today, you coerced me into this outing."
"Wouldn't it be extortion? Since there was an exchange of goods?"
"Not really, since for it to be extortion, the goods should be exchanged the other way with you getting something, not me. But close. The flashcards are obviously working."
Draco scowled. Fucking Theo had told her about the flashcards. "Don't think I haven't picked up on the fact that you seem to discuss me when you're hanging out with my friends," he teased.
"Is there a limit to your arrogance?" she scoffed in response.
"No," he said simply.
She smiled. She'd been smiling at all his jokes, which made him feel like he was floating every time, but he'd been trying to ignore it.
Granger took another bite of her cone as a comfortable silence settled between them. It was a cloudy day, but the rain that seemed imminent was holding off and it wasn't too cold. The park was nice and Draco wondered how often Granger came here. He also wondered if she was enjoying herself, then scolded himself for caring. Bloody hell, he was falling apart.
He suddenly wanted to break the silence, eager to keep his brain from thinking unhelpful thoughts, like how pretty Granger looked, especially when she was smiling, and most especially when it was because of something he'd said. And whether she, like him, thought that although sitting here, with her of all people, was strange, that it also felt oddly familiar.
"Tell me something, Granger. Are you considering all your life choices, trying to pinpoint the one that led you to this bench, where you're being forced to suffer the presence of a Slytherin you hate on your birthday, of all days?"
She was quiet for a time, like she was really considering the question, then turned to him, her expression serious, and said in a low voice, "Used to hate."
He could tell by her eyes (which were wide and sincere and looked almost scared), that she was telling the truth. If this were a date (which it wasn't) this would be the part where he leaned in and kissed her. Instead, he leaned away and took a deep, steadying breath.
Get a hold of yourself, Draco.
"I should probably get you back to work before the entire Ministry falls apart. Are you going to finish that?"
She looked down at her half-eaten cone. Her eyes widened slightly, like she'd forgotten it was there, and she shook her head.
"Go ahead and Vanish it and we'll head back."
Without a second thought, she Vanished the cone with a wave of her hand, just as Draco had done earlier.
"Hah!" Draco exclaimed, pointing his finger at the spot the cone had recently occupied.
"Oh my God! Oh my God!" She was shaking her hands and looking back at him in shock. Draco couldn't help but laugh at her.
"Your squeals are drawing more attention to us than your improper use of magic," he hissed.
"I've never done that!" she cried, hitting his arm. "That was your fault! You distracted me! You're such a Slytherin!"
"You're making a scene," he muttered, pulling her up by the arm and dragging her back to the path. "Let's get out of here before we're found out."
She laughed and followed him out of the park, clutching his arm as she ran to keep up with his long strides. They slowed when they reached the main road, but she didn't let go of him. She was going on and on about how she was usually so careful around Muggles and hadn't used magic around them since she was younger and didn't know she was a witch.
"I don't even use magic around my parents," she told him.
Draco stopped on the pavement. "What?"
Just then, he remembered something the future Draco had told him when he'd been defending Granger. "Her parents don't trust her and think her magic has corrupted her."
At the time, the words had passed over Draco, but he could see the truth (and pain) of them in her Granger's eyes now. "It's a long story," she said quickly, dropping his arm suddenly.
He wanted to ask her more but knew better. "Okay, uh, I don't know where we're going."
She nodded, looking a bit relieved for the change of subject, then cocked her head to the right. "Two blocks this way." They walked in silence the rest of the way, then turned into the dark alley she'd Apparated them to earlier.
Now it was time to say goodbye. He didn't want her to go, but also needed time away from her to organize his thoughts. They considered each other for a few moments and Draco wondered what she was thinking. Was she attracted to him too? Would she tell Weasley about this? Had she had fun?
She answered the last unspoken question, but not the other two (unsurprisingly). "That was fun, Malfoy," she said with a smile. "I haven't laughed that much in a long time and didn't realize how much I needed it. Thanks."
Draco felt a burst of triumph. "Happy birthday, Granger."
For the remainder of Granger's birthday, Draco replayed their "date" on a loop. He cringed when he remembered the beginning, when he'd been almost begging her to leave with him, he smiled as he replayed each of their jokes, laughed when he recalled her accidental Vanishing Spell, and felt an ache in his chest when he remembered her saying, "used to hate."
By the end of the night, he'd come to the conclusion that he had a crush on Granger. He'd also come to the conclusion that it wasn't entirely unexpected nor a big deal. Draco was lonely and besides his mother and his best friend, Granger was the only witch he saw regularly. It wasn't surprising that he'd developed a small crush on her. She was pretty, funny, brilliant, impressive, powerful, sexy, kind-
Okay. That's enough.
Anyway, it made sense he'd grown attached to her and he was sure it would pass. It was just physical, not real. Maybe he should go out with Blaise and find a witch to shag. Perhaps that would make this embarrassing infatuation fade away.
That night, while he slept, the memories of Granger that were playing through his mind changed, turning dark. He recalled the day she'd been tortured by his aunt (while he'd stood by and done nothing). He remembered the night of the Quidditch World cup when she'd been running into the forest with Weasley and Potter, trying to avoid the fate of those innocent Muggles. He replayed countless taunts from school and finally, the meeting a few months ago, when he'd been cruel to her.
He slept terribly and woke up feeling more tired than he had been when he'd gone to bed. It was clear what his mind was trying to tell him. He might like her, but nothing could ever happen between them. Putting aside the complications of their past, she had a boyfriend and had given very little indication that she liked Draco back. And he had Lady Malfoy to consider. Plus, this crush wasn't real, he reminded himself, just the result of being lonely and desperate for a shag.
His thoughts continued like that for the next few days and when he walked into the Ministry on Friday, he was nervous about seeing her. He feared his resolve (over how his feelings weren't real, how this was just a physical attraction, how this was nothing to be concerned about), would melt away the second he saw her. But for the first time in months, she wasn't in the room when he arrived.
He tried to hide his disappointment as he lowered himself into his usual seat. He hadn't brought anything with him as they kept their work at her desk, since she was obsessive about letting it out of her sight. So, he played with his wand as he waited.
A moment later, he heard steps approaching, then watched the light under the door darken. He heard low voices, a witch and a wizard, and cast a Supersensory Charm to magnify their voices and reveal the people standing on the other side of the door. It was Weasley and Granger and they looked like they were fighting.
"I just need to talk to him," Weasley said.
"No, Ron. We talked about this-" she replied, placing a hand on his arm to hold him in place.
"I need to tell him that he can't take other blokes' girlfriends out on dates!" he hissed.
"For the thousandth time, it wasn't a date."
Yes it was.
"Yes it was," Weasley replied, echoing Draco's thoughts. "You were alone, eating ice cream, at one of your favorite spots, on your birthday!"
"We're not doing this now. I have work. This is a professional meeting and-"
"What was professional about you going out with him on Tuesday?"
She sighed heavily. "It's helpful for us to build camaraderie so we can work better together," she explained. "It's the same reason you and the other Aurors go to the pub every week."
Ouch. Is that all it was to her? Just a way to improve their work output?
That's all it should be to you!
"Ron, you have to trust me - that's part of this," she waved at the air between them. "If you don't trust me, what are we even doing together?"
Really good question, Granger.
"I trust you, it's him I don't-"
"I can handle Malfoy. Now leave, please."
"I hate that you spend so much time alone with him."
"It's not my choice. And if you're really that concerned about it, maybe it's because deep down you don't think we're strong. Maybe-"
"That's not it! Okay? I just-" He let out a long sigh, then scowled at the door before muttering something under his breath and marching away.
Granger sighed as she watched him leave, then turned and rested her forehead against the door. Draco watched her press her fingers into her temples as she took several deep breaths. He knew he was intruding on her privacy and should drop the spell, but he couldn't make himself do it. Instead, he leaned forward so he could see her better.
A tear fell down her cheek and she wiped it away, quickly. Draco's chest clenched. Fuck. He'd messed things up for her. A few months ago, causing a fight between Granger and Weasley would have amused him, but now he just felt like shit. He hadn't meant to hurt her. He'd just wanted to give her a nice time on her birthday.
She straightened her spine, wiped her eyes one more time, then took a final breath. Draco dropped the spell just in time.
"Hi," she said when she entered the room. She avoided his eyes as she took her seat across from him.
"I was going to bring the book of exceptions," Draco began, "but wanted to check first, as you only have one week with it. I figured it should be a week that's convenient for you." Or maybe he should just give her the book.
That belongs to the Malfoys and you heard how important it is. Stop being crazy!
"That was - unexpectedly thoughtful. I'll check my schedule and let you know."
She looked back down at her pile of papers and began flipping through the pages. She fumbled a bit and kept going through the same sections more than once. He could tell her mind was scattered and found it very hard to watch. Eventually, she settled on a few pages near the top (which she's passed over twice), took them out of the stack, and pushed them over to Draco.
"This is the proposal I was going to have you read before you kidnapped me." She forced a smile onto her face. "I tried to combine the - actually - I'll just let you read."
Draco nodded and before he looked down and started reading the pages, he said nonchalantly, "That's a good color on you." At the end of the statement, he feigned surprise, trying to look as if he hadn't meant to say it.
"I - did you just give me a compliment? I - I don't even know - What's happening?" She leaned forward and narrowed her eyes at him. "What do you want?"
"Shh, I'm trying to read."
She pulled the pages back to her side of the table. "You can read this after you tell me why you just said that." Draco was reminded of their conversation about her makeup earlier in the week. When he'd noticed an anomaly, he'd badgered her about it and now she was doing the same. They were surprisingly similar at times.
"I don't know. It slipped out," Draco shrugged.
"Why today? I've worn this color before."
Believe me, I know. I know all your blouses because I'm pathetic and creepy and very badly want to take them off of you one day.
Stop!
"I told you, it just slipped out. Now, may I read?"
She crossed her arms over the pages. "Explain what you're up to."
Draco sighed. "Normally, when compliments about you flit across my brain, I stamp them out, even going so far to use Occlumency if I need to. But I'm tired today and out of energy, so I noticed the color you were wearing looked nice on you and instead of burying the thought, I voiced it."
"So anytime you're sitting there with a blank stare (which I know means you're using Occlumency), you're suppressing kind thoughts about me?"
"I didn't say that."
"It was heavily implied."
Draco leaned forward and pulled the pages she was holding hostage back to his side of the table.
"What sort of thoughts are you hiding?" she pressed. "How smart I am? How knowledgeable of the legislative process? How great I am with magic?" He shook his head. She'd only guessed things related to her smarts. Was it because she couldn't see the rest of it? That was in large part due to him, wasn't it?
"Or maybe how great I am with boiling complicated thoughts down to simple, clear words. I know that's a skill of mine you're envious of."
"Not humble," he murmured, keeping his eyes on the paper. "I've never thought that about you."
"I'm surprised you even have that word in your vocabulary."
Draco snorted and continued to read the page in front of him, but she pulled it back again the next moment. "It was a good lie," she announced.
"What?"
"I think what really happened is that I walked in here, looking upset, and you wanted to cheer me up."
Draco frowned. "That doesn't sound like me."
She simply smiled back at him and Draco's heart beat hard in response. It felt like it was jumping up and down, saying, "I did that! I put that smile there!"
A truth he'd been hiding from himself for the past few days became clear. He liked her for her. Even if he was surrounded by witches, he'd like her. It wasn't an attraction born from desperation or proximity. It also wasn't simply physical, though that was certainly part of it. He liked Hermione Granger, for real. She was impressive and beautiful and funny and clever and so fucking good and he liked it all.
It was a terrifying thought but for now, he simply let it hang in the air around him and fill him up. She was looking at him in a way that made him think perhaps it all wasn't one-sided. On her birthday, she'd said that she'd laughed with him more than she had in a long time. And earlier, when her stupid boyfriend had upset her, Draco had been the one to make her smile.
You also made her cry countless times growing up. You're the reason she's so insecure today. The person who did that to her doesn't get to have her, not even for a little bit. You need to let this go before you hurt yourself, or worse, her.
Draco dropped her gaze and looked down at the paper. But the words were blurring together and he couldn't focus.
This isn't your witch, the voice in his mind said, sounding almost angry now. This witch is way too good for you.
Present Time: October 2000 / Draco's Time: Same as Present
Several weeks passed and nothing "interesting" happened. Draco wondered if the interesting thing was his realization of his feelings for Granger. If that was the case, he didn't see why the other Draco had called it good and bad. To him, it just seemed bad.
Draco considered confiding in Daphne about it, especially since she seemed to be friends with Granger now, but every time he was alone with her, he couldn't make the words come out. He was worried she'd laugh at him or point out all the reasons it would never work, which he already knew. So, he stayed quiet.
The other Draco had told him things would get hard but soon (or maybe not soon, he wasn't sure on the timing) he'd meet Lady Malfoy and all this suffering would be worth it. He was sure as soon as that happened, his feelings for Granger would disappear.
Then, one day in early October, he made his final time jump to the future. He'd been expecting something significant, but it was extremely anti-climactic. The Draco was one of the youngest ones he'd met, from 2003, a few months older than the Draco who had been about to ask his girlfriend to move in with him.
He didn't give much away, except the fact that he had moved in with his girlfriend and that they were doing well. Present and future Draco spent the majority of the time in silence, reading or working. When Draco returned to his time after just a day, he felt an overwhelming sense of loss. It was unexpected, but he'd come to rely on the visits with his other self and now they were just...gone.
He'd cried for an alarming amount of time and spent the whole of Sunday in bed. On Monday, he didn't feel much better, but forced himself out of bed because he had a meeting with Granger and wasn't about to give up one of the few bright parts of his week.
She was late again, which was becoming a more regular occurrence the closer they got to the end of the year (a busy time for her department). When she arrived in the room, she started in the doorway at the sight of him. Oh great, he looked so bad even Granger had noticed.
She slowly lowered herself into the seat across from him and said kindly, "You look like you had a weekend even worse than mine, which I didn't think was possible."
He just sighed, unsure what to say to that.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she pressed.
"No. What are we working on today?"
"I get the feeling you always say no to that question. Tell me what's wrong. I insist."
"No," he repeated.
"Just try. I promise I won't take advantage."
"Fine," Draco sighed. He didn't have the energy to fight with her right now. He looked down before beginning to speak. "The time jumping to the future is over. I had my last jump on Friday. And for some reason, after it was done, I felt this...loss, and I was reminded of everything I've lost in my life. My father, my childhood, my friends, the freedom to experience the world for myself and decide what's right and wrong, the few years I was supposed to be taking right now to figure out what the fuck I want. It's like it all hit me at once, all of that, and I just feel...shitty."
When Draco was finished talking, he kept his eyes down, willing her to leave him alone. He was embarrassed because, yet again, he'd told her more than he'd intended. He was just going to say he was sad about the time jumping being over, but he'd gone and told her everything.
"I have a poem for you."
She never ceased to surprise him. "You wrote me a poem?"
"No, I just remembered one. Do you want to hear it?"
"Sure, Granger."
"It's more of a passage, than a poem. Anyway - the first person says, 'It's so dark right now, I can't see any light around me.' That's you, I think."
Draco nodded.
"Then the second person (me, in this instance) says, 'That's because the light is coming from you. You can't see it but everyone else can.'"
Draco's eyes flashed up and when they met hers, he felt immediately more at ease. "What do you mean?"
"I know you don't think much of yourself, but you're rather impressive. You have this quiet energy and are similar to Harry in the way you lead those around you, without even realizing it. I know you and your friends joke about hating each other, but it's clear that deep down, Theo and Daphne adore you and I haven't seen Blaise, but I bet it's similar for him. They rely on you to always be there, to have the answers, to know what to do."
"To pay," he added darkly.
"Yes, even that. I know their reliance on you just adds to your stress and makes you question if you're enough, but, I don't know, they think you are. Things are dark, now, but they're not as bleak as you're thinking. Just - try to take care of yourself and don't feel bad if you have to lean on others, occasionally. It doesn't make you less."
By the end of her speech, Draco was blinking back tears. He looked down as he tried to collect himself. What was she doing to him? This was like an odd form of torture, being faced with this witch who he'd thought he'd hated, finding out she was actually lovely, then having to confront the fact that he wanted her, and also be faced with the truth that he could never have her. It certainly was a strangely ironic form of justice.
When Draco's eyes were dry again, he glanced back up and found her giving him a kind, pretty smile. What on earth had he done to deserve that? "That was quite a compliment," he said carefully, not trusting himself to say more without causing his voice to break.
"It slipped out."
Draco laughed, then asked seriously, "What about you, Granger?"
"What about me?"
He took a deep breath so he wouldn't trip on his words. "You're the type of person who gives to everyone around her - even miserable blokes, like me - without taking anything in return. You're constantly shining, Granger, but are you taking care of yourself? Or is someone else taking care of you? It would be a shame if you ran out of light one day."
He could tell he'd struck a nerve, but he hadn't been meaning to hurt her. He hoped she knew that. She looked down at her pile of papers. "We're not talking about me," she said in a weak, shaky voice.
Draco took a handkerchief out of his pocket and slid it over to her. She laughed when she spotted it. "It's so weird that you carry handkerchiefs."
"Is it? I make people cry a lot so I need to have them ready." He motioned toward her. "Case and point."
"That's a dumb joke."
"You still laughed."
She patted her eyes a few times, then took a deep breath. When she looked up at him again, she smiled and asked, "What do you say we forget this depressing conversation and fight about politics?"
"Yes, please."
A/N: I know this seems slow, but I promise we're getting to the good stuff really soon! I also know Draco is being dumb, but he has years of Pureblood biases to overcome and obviously has a mental block when it comes to imagining Hermione as his wife. Hermione has a lot to get over too so I think that no matter the timeline, things would move slowly with these two. I warned you all I was a slow storyteller (I obviously take the "show, don't tell" advice too far) but I'm trying to make up for it with fast updates. Please bear with me.