Chapter 10
I was loved in my dreams last night. It echoed through me like thunder - I felt it through and through.
When I woke up, I couldn't shake the feeling of her arms around me and the sound of her voice, already half forgotten.
The loss was indescribable. And I couldn't help that feeling of certainty that I have felt this way before. Somewhere in time, throughout the ages, I was loved - I was loved and my eyes were wide open.
-Lang Leav
Present Time: October 2000 / Draco's Time: Same as present
Draco was at his mother's annual Halloween Ball, speaking with Pavel Kenderson, one of the Elders, about a new law going to the group for review in a few weeks, when someone cut into their conversation.
"I think what Draco forgot to mention is that while the law would benefit small businesses in the short term, over time, after say, two or three years, the process of filing for exceptions would become so cumbersome that very few businesses would bother going through the trouble, thereby halting their receipt of the tax benefits touted in the statement of intent. I believe this was the plan all along, though Draco would never admit to it."
"Ho ho," Kenderson laughed. "You must be the infamous Hermione Granger. I didn't expect to see you here, tonight." He held his hand out for Granger to shake.
"I am," she said proudly, winking at Draco as she shook Kenderson's hand. Draco just stared back at her with his mouth hanging open. What was she doing here? How did she get in? And, fuck, did she look good.
She was wearing a navy gown that was mostly backless, except for a small ribbon tied across the top of her back. She had on gold jewelry, which accentuated the gold flecks in her eyes, and her hair was pulled back into a loose chignon with a few curls falling into her face.
Kenderson and Granger continued to talk, but Draco had completely lost track of the conversation. All his thoughts were focused on Granger and the odd sensation that had come over him when he'd first seen her. A part of him had barely recognized her and wouldn't have known it was her if he hadn't heard her voice first, but another part of him, a part that lived deep in his chest, knew her, had seen her like this a hundred times before.
It felt like déjà vu and next, she was supposed to take a step toward him, wrap her arm around his waist, then tilt her head up and kiss the underside of his jaw. He could almost feel her arm around him and her warm lips pressed against his face. Then, she leaned toward him. He was waiting for the scene to play out like he'd imagined, but she didn't touch him. She just whispered, "Kenderson asked you a question."
Draco was pulled back to reality. "Sorry, sir, I was-" He hesitated, trying to think of something to say that didn't have to do with Granger, but nothing came to mind. Draco decided to go with the truth. Kenderson was a bloke, he'd understand. "I was distracted by Hermione. She looks...stunning."
Her eyes flashed to meet his and looked almost accusing, then she blushed and turned back to face Kenderson.
"That she does," Kenderson said in a bored tone. "I was saying that I want to see something addressing Miss Granger's concerns before the new piece of legislation hits our desk Thursday. Can I count on you to put something together?"
"Yes," Draco said automatically. Kenderson excused himself and as the implication of what Draco had just agreed to, how much work it was going to take, and how it was all due to Granger's interference settled in, he turned and scowled at her. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"You were going on and on all week about this elaborate ball where everyone who was anyone would be in attendance and how you'd be talking to Elders all night, bringing them over to your way of thinking and - well - I decided I should be here, too."
"But how did you get in? Who invited you?"
Just then, the "who" in question walked up, looking nervous. "You," Draco growled when Theo stopped at Granger's side, holding out a glass of Champagne for her.
"Hi. I see you've met my date," Theo said as Granger nodded in thanks and began to take the Champagne.
"No," Draco said, snatching the glass away from her. "This is my Champagne and my house. Why did you bring her, Theo? I thought you'd learned your lesson after the book of exceptions incident."
Theo opened his mouth to speak, but Granger cut in, "You sound like a child, you know that?" She grabbed the glass from him and took a large gulp. "You're just upset you didn't get your way. Don't take it out on Theo."
"Why are you so protective of him? He can speak for himself."
Theo shrugged. "I don't mind her speaking for me."
Granger placed her half-finished glass on a floating tray and pulled Theo toward the dance floor. "Let's dance."
Theo stayed in place. "Oh - uh - I don't dance."
"You don't know how to dance? How is that possible?"
"I know how, I just don't."
Draco smirked at the look of betrayal on Granger's face. She was obviously thinking that before inviting her to a ball, Theo should have disclosed this piece of information. Then again, Draco doubted any of this had been Theo's idea.
"I'll dance with you, Granger." Draco put on a hand on her waist and led her to the floor. She looked pleadingly back at Theo but he just shrugged and cocked his head to the side of the room before walking over there.
"Betrayed by Theo," Draco mumbled. "Sucks, doesn't it?"
They'd reached the dance floor and she stopped and crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't want to dance with you."
"Too bad. My house, my rules," Draco placed her hands on his shoulders, then took her waist with one hand and her shoulder with the other. He was relieved when she didn't push him away and started moving with him.
"You looked like you were about to kick me out earlier, and now we're dancing?"
"I would never kick you out."
"Because of how bad it would look," she sneered. "And don't think I didn't notice the very well-timed compliment you gave me back there, trying to show Kenderson that you and I are friendly."
"You're the one who started off by calling me Draco," he countered.
"And you continued it. You act like you're clueless sometimes, with very little knowledge of politics, then you go and make a smooth move like that. I wonder if it's all just been an act to get me to lower my guard around you, while deep down, you're just a younger version of your father."
Draco stopped in place and stepped back. He felt like he'd been struck. Did she really think that? After everything he'd confided in her? Did she think it was all a trick? He began to turn away from her but she caught his arm.
"Wait." He paused but didn't turn back to face her. "I'm sorry, that was awful." She let out a long breath. "I'm stressed about being here and I was annoyed with you for being rude. But I don't think that and I shouldn't have said it. Forgive me."
Draco closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then turned to look at her. "I'm sorry, too. I'm just frustrated. I was talking to Kenderson for nearly an hour and you came and ruined it all in three minutes."
"It was nothing against you. I just want what's best for the small business owners."
"As do I."
"We already agreed to disagree on this topic." She held her hand out to him. "Truce?"
"Okay," Draco replied, taking her hand. Then, he stepped back and held his palm up, bowing slightly. "Would you like to dance? I'll let you say no this time," he added with a grin.
"Sure," she said, placing her hand in his. "I recently learned my date doesn't dance."
"I'm surprised you hadn't already guessed that."
She laughed. "I should have."
Draco put his hands back in place, pulled her close to him, and began moving them around the dance floor again. The fingertips of the hand that was on her waist were touching her bare back. He wanted so badly to move his hand down, along the line of her dress, slip his fingers inside the soft silk and give her backside a hard squeeze. It took all his restraint to keep his hand in place.
He was trying hard not to think about her incredibly soft skin and how great it would feel to run his palms along it, instead of just his fingertips. He was trying, and failing, to push away the visions of untying the ribbon at the back of her dress with his teeth, then pulling her dress down to reveal what were probably very lovely breasts. He'd cup them in his hands, then get a taste of each one before kissing a path down to-
"Sorry."
"What?" Draco asked quickly. Did she know what he'd just been thinking about? His pants were tighter in the front than they had been a few minutes ago, but it's not something anyone would notice unless they were really looking.
She glanced down, but not at his crotch, at his feet. "Sorry for stepping on your foot. I'm not a very good dancer."
"Oh, right." He hadn't noticed. But now that he was paying attention, he confirmed that she was right (as always); she was an awful dancer. "Why are you so bad at this?"
"I never learned to dance like this growing up," she explained, unashamed. "These sorts of balls aren't common in the Muggle world."
After a few more moments spent diagnosing her dancing problems, Draco stopped them. "Here, stop for a second," he said, placing his hands on her waist. She jolted under his touch, then lifted her chin, which he knew by now was the thing she did when she was nervous but trying to hide it.
"Your steps are fine but you're not picking up on my cues. I think you're looking for them instead of feeling for them."
"What does that mean?"
"When I do this," he said, putting a slight pressure on her right side, "it means we're going that way." He cocked his head to the right. "And this, obviously means the other way. And this-" he pressed his thumb against her ribs, "-means I'm going to push you out into a turn. Ready to try?"
She nodded and looked very serious, like she was about to take an exam.
"Relax, Granger." He placed her hands on his shoulders, correcting her form as he did so, then returned his hands to her waist. "Try to get a feel for it instead of counting steps or trying to anticipate what I'm going to do next based on what I did the last three times or whatever else that giant brain of yours gets up to."
"Yeah, yeah. Just go."
They were only dancing for a few minutes (not quite long enough for Draco to decide if she was any better) when they were interrupted. "Hermione?! Is that you?"
Draco was pleased to see a flash of disappointment cross Granger's face before she turned to greet Daphne. He was also annoyed at having their dancing lessons - and an excuse to hold her closer than was strictly necessary - cut short.
Daphne took Granger's arm and pulled her back to the side of the room where Theo was waiting, as Draco followed behind them. When they reached Theo, Daphne turned to Granger and grabbed her hands as she studied her dress. "Who picked this out for you?"
"I did?" she replied warily.
"You?!"
"I did some research, studied some magazines and even talked to the salespeople…" Draco shook his head. Of course she'd studied for this. "How bad is it?"
"It's beautiful! I'm so proud of you. I didn't think those shopping trips were having any impact but clearly some of what I told you was sinking in. I feel like a mother bird whose chick has left the nest."
"Uh, thanks." Granger was blushing profusely by now. Theo gave Draco a look that said, "Is Daphne serious?"
"Now that we've established you look beautiful-" Daphne continued, then paused to fix Granger with a stern glare. "Don't look like that. You do look beautiful. Anyway, what in Merlin's name are you doing here? This is a Purebloods society event and you're a Muggleborn!"
"Yes, I know that. But please, shout it louder. I think a few wizards in the back didn't hear you," Granger hissed.
Daphne waved her away. "I just mean, like, wow. You really are fearless, aren't you?"
Granger looked embarrassed again. "I'm not fearless, I just remind myself, 'Scared is what you're feeling, brave is what you're doing.'"
"Is that what you Gryffindors tell yourself before walking into danger?" Theo asked.
"Just me, I think," she replied.
"You're not in danger here," Draco felt the need to point out.
She gave him a small, appreciative smile, which disappeared the next moment when Blaise joined the group. He was scanning her appearance, like he was trying to place her, but the gleam in his eyes while he did so made Draco want to punch him. Daphne also seemed annoyed.
"You know Blaise," she said to Granger, "and Blaise, you know-"
"The brunette who went with Potter to the Ministry Gala," Blaise finished for her.
Granger gave him a large eye roll while Draco tried to suppress a laugh. "I went to school with you for six years," she bit back. "Hermione Granger?"
"Granger?!" Blaise leaned in to get a closer look at her face while she crossed her arms and glared back at him. "Fuck, it's like the Yule Ball all over again. What are you doing here?"
"She's with me," Theo interjected.
Blaise stared at the two of them, gave Theo a questioning look, then shrugged. "Huh. I don't see it. Anyway," he turned to Daphne, who was sneering at him, clearly not impressed by his recent interaction with Granger. "Daphne, I want to dance with you."
"Where's your date?" she asked.
"No idea. Come on." Blaise grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the dance floor, twirling her on the way. Draco shook his head. He hadn't even asked her properly. Then he remembered earlier when he'd dragged Granger onto the dance floor. Shit. Maybe there was something to that narrative about how bad Slytherins were.
Draco sighed. It had only been two hours and he'd already lost his date. But he didn't care, he had some dancing lessons to continue with Theo's date. Though before he could ask her to dance again, she said, "I need to go to the loo."
Theo waved toward the closest exit. "Go out that way, turn left, then take the first right. It's the second door."
Draco's eyes followed her until she disappeared into the hall. The way her arse moved in that dress, fuck, it shouldn't be allowed. Once she was out of sight, he gave Theo a side-long glance, but the other wizard was looking at something across the room and hadn't noticed Draco ogling his date.
Draco used Occlumency to clear his mind. He had work to do tonight and he couldn't let Granger get the best of him. This was his house, these were his people, so he was at an advantage - though that dress evened the pitch a bit. He pushed the thoughts of Granger and that fucking dress to the back of his mind. He wasn't going to let her win today.
Five of the eleven Elders were in attendance tonight and so far Draco had only spoken to one of them, and that hadn't gone as planned. He found another sitting at a table near the back of the room with his wife. On his way to speak with the wizard, Draco stopped by his mother and whispered, "Remind me of the name of Elder Layton's wife."
"Brenda," she said quickly.
"Thanks," Draco replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek before continuing on.
Draco talked to Layton and his wife for nearly thirty minutes, expecting to be interrupted by Granger the whole time, but she never showed up. He had positioned himself so he was facing the entrance, hoping to see her walk back into the room, but she didn't reappear. Draco watched Theo leave, presumably to find his missing date, and Draco decided to go help him search. He excused himself and walked quickly to the hall, which was empty by the time he arrived.
Draco checked the areas near the loo and didn't find her. Then he checked the courtyard, which was where he found Theo, leaning against a pole. "Where's your date?" Draco asked.
Theo shrugged. "No idea. Where's your date?"
"Shagging someone. And I know who, too."
Theo snorted.
"Well, are you going to keep looking for her?" Draco pressed.
Theo just shrugged. "She told me she was here to work tonight. I just assumed she was doing that."
"All the Elders are in the ballroom and she's not there." Draco sighed. "Whatever. I'll find her." He left Theo behind and returned to the house. When he found an empty hall, he called Finley.
"You is needing something, Master?" the elf asked as soon as he appeared in front of Draco.
"I need you to find someone. Hermione Granger, a witch, my age. She's in the house somewhere and is wearing a long navy dress and has brown curly hair, pulled back."
Finley nodded and blinked out of sight. Draco paced as he waited for the elf to return. A few moments later, he reappeared at the end of the hall. "I found her, sir."
"Where is she?"
"The drawing room."
Draco felt like all the air had left the hall. If he could get a proper breath, he would have let out a string of swears.
"Master Draco?" Finley asked, approaching him warily.
"Go," Draco bit out.
The elf nodded and disappeared. Draco stayed in the hall for several moments, bracing his hands on the wall and dipping his head as he took several breaths. What was she doing in there? He should just leave her, right? No, he needed to go find her. He didn't know what he'd do once he got there, but he knew he couldn't leave her in there alone.
When Draco arrived in the drawing room, he spotted Granger instantly. She was standing in the exact spot she'd stood over two years ago, when his aunt had tortured her. Draco could still hear her screams from that day and used Occlumency to push them out of his mind.
She was standing completely still, staring into the fire, with her arms wrapped around herself. She didn't move as Draco approached, but she should have been able to see him out of her periphery.
He stopped at her side and before considering the gesture, removed his cloak and draped it over her shoulders. She jumped slightly and Draco instantly regretted it. Of course she wouldn't want to touch anything of a Death Eater's while she was reliving that night. But she relaxed and pulled the cloak more tightly around her.
"I got lost on my way back from the loo and found this room," she explained, still staring into the fire. Draco knew she was lying. This room was nowhere near the loo. She'd come looking for it. Fuck, she really was fearless.
"I just wanted to see it," she continued. A tear fell down her face and Draco wanted to reach out and wipe it away but resisted the urge. She lifted her hand and wiped it away herself, then turned to face Draco. "Everything's different."
"Except the carvings on the fireplace mantel," he replied.
She nodded. "Yes. I noticed."
They were quiet, each lost in their own thoughts, when Draco broke the silence by asking, "Does it help? To know it's different? Does coming back here help, in any way?"
"I don't know," she said honestly.
Draco nodded solemnly. "I've been replaying that day a lot, lately, how I just stood there and did nothing. You'd done nothing wrong and she -" Draco's voice broke. "I feel sick every time I think of it and I'm so sorry. I should have been better, I should have done something, and, and - I'm just so sorry."
She nodded and looked back at the fire. Draco wanted more from her, but he knew he didn't deserve it. So he gave her more, instead.
"I'm not just sorry for that day, Granger, but for all of it. Every taunt and cruel joke. Every threat. I'm sorry for hating you for something so insignificant. I'm sorry for hurting those students and letting the Death Eaters into the castle. I'm sorry for becoming a Death Eater and for everything I did while in the role. I'm sorry for being rude to you when we first started working together, for every terrible thing I've said since, and every terrible thing I have yet to say. I'm so unbelievably sorry."
When he was finished talking, she turned away from the fire and faced him again, her eyes stung with tears. "That's quite an apology," she whispered.
"Long overdue, and I meant every word."
She dropped her head and Draco watched a few tears fall onto the marble floor. He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her.
"You do make people cry a lot," she said as she took it and began drying her eyes.
"I'm sorry for that, too."
She let out a laugh. He watched her dab at her eyes, then took a step closer to her and grabbed the handkerchief out of her hand. He placed a hand on her chin and tilted her head up. "Do you want me to fix your makeup?"
She nodded.
Draco carefully dabbed the handkerchief around her face, collecting the remaining tears, then he swiped the cloth under her eyes to remove the smears of mascara. He remembered doing this for Daphne at the Ministry but this felt decidedly different. This was significant but also...sinful.
Draco's heart was beating rapidly in his chest. He felt like he was riding on a broomstick, heading straight for the ground at full speed, about to get really hurt, but he also felt that pleasant thrill that used to come over him when he was younger and he was breaking a rule and knew he'd get away with it.
When Draco was finished, he tucked one of her curls behind her ear and dropped his hand from her chin. But he didn't step away from her. She'd been completely still, staring into his eyes the entire time. They were so close that he could hear her quiet breathing and almost feel the warm air of it on his neck.
As they watched each other, he felt like they were trapped in some alternate reality, where nothing existed except the two of them. He wanted to kiss her, or at least touch her again, but didn't move, not wanting to break the spell.
She broke it first. She removed his cloak and held it out for him as she took a step backward. "I should get back to work. I came here for a reason and this wasn't it."
What did she mean by "this?" Visiting the drawing room or sharing an intimate moment with Draco?
"Do you ever stop working?" he asked.
She took a moment to consider before responding. "Wasn't it you who said I couldn't stop? I believe your exact words were, 'The few times you let yourself pause, you'll hate it, because you'll hate you. You'll wonder what it's all been for but won't have an answer. So, you'll keep looking, keep working.'"
Draco hated hearing his words come out of her mouth like that. "I wasn't talking about you," he said quickly. "I was talking about me. I told you that."
"You were talking about both of us," she said, giving him a sad smile. She nodded, then turned toward the hall.
"I wasn't lying earlier when I said you were stunning. You literally took my breath away," he called after her.
She stopped in place, his back to him, and he bit his lip, wondering if he'd gone too far. He just didn't want the last thing they said to each other in here to be about that cutting speech he'd given her at the Ministry several months ago.
She turned to him and smiled. "You don't look so bad yourself, Malfoy. I'll see you out there." She continued walking and Draco listened to the clicking of her heels against the floor until he couldn't hear them anymore.
He returned the handkerchief to his pocket, put his cloak back on, then let out the breath he'd been holding. Holy fucking shit, he needed a drink. But that could wait until later. Granger was right, they had work to do.
When Draco returned to the ballroom, he spotted Granger sitting at the table he'd recently occupied with Layton. Draco decided to leave her alone. It would probably be better if they lobbied separately tonight. He scanned the room and saw another Elder, then took a breath before going over to him.
Draco made his way to every Elder over the next hour, keeping an eye on Granger the whole time. She talked to all the same Elders he did but didn't interrupt any of his conversations. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement between them that they wouldn't interfere with the other.
While he was talking to Martin Avery, he saw Granger and Daphne conferring on the side of the ballroom. Then Theo walked over to the two witches. Draco wanted to go join them, but Avery was in the middle of a long-winded story from his early career, when he'd held the same role Draco was in now, and Draco couldn't think of a polite way to interrupt him.
Several moments later, Draco watched Granger and Theo leave the ballroom and scowled at the way Theo was guiding her out with his hand ghosting over the small of her back. Daphne came to Draco's side and he was relieved for an excuse to leave Avery, but she simply joined in on the conversation, drawing it out for even longer. Draco knew she was trying to help, so tried to refrain from glaring at her, but all he wanted to do was go after Granger and Theo.
After another ten minutes, Draco managed to extricate himself from the group, rushing out an excuse about having to run to the loo. He walked along several halls but couldn't find Theo and Granger anywhere. He was about to Summon Finley when he heard the unmistakable sound of snogging coming from one of the smaller sitting rooms off the side hall.
He peeked his head in and saw Theo kissing someone. He couldn't see the other person, since they were pressed against the wall, clouded in darkness, but he could see Theo clearly, illuminated by a ray of moonlight coming in through the curtains.
Draco's blood began to boil and he ran into the room and pulled Theo off of Granger, throwing him forcefully to the ground. Except, the person Theo had been kissing wasn't Granger. Not even close.
"This is a bloke!" Draco shouted at Theo, who was still on the floor.
"Shit. Are you sure?" Theo asked, clearly embarrassed, but trying to hide it behind his usual sarcasm.
"What happened to Granger?"
"She left."
"Left?" She'd left without saying goodbye? Without teasing him about all the progress she'd made with the Elders? That didn't sound like her. Draco tried to hide the disappointment that he was sure had flashed across his face.
"Uh, can I leave?" the bloke Theo had been kissing asked.
Theo, who was pulling himself to his feet, began to nod but Draco said, "No."
The man sighed and crossed his arms over his chest before leaning against the wall behind him.
"Where did she go?" Draco asked Theo.
"Home, I think. I took her to the Floo but not all the way to her flat. I offered, but she said she was fine."
"Shit. She probably wasn't fine." That was the only explanation for her leaving so abruptly. Was she okay? Had she had flashbacks to that day with his aunt? Fucking Theo should have taken her all the way home.
Theo was watching Draco warily and Draco figured he was misconstruing his angry glare as related to him kissing a bloke and not his mishandling of Granger. "Carry on," Draco said, distractedly. "We can - uh - talk about how you kiss blokes later, I guess."
Draco didn't look back to see their reactions as he rushed out of the room. He didn't have time for Theo right now, he was on a mission. He marched into his father's study and pulled a large, brown book off the shelf. He flipped to the end and sure enough, saw several lines at the bottom of the page.
Madison Estate - 37 year-old witch - Oct 31, 2000, 11:14 pm
Madison Estate - 42 year-old wizard - Oct 31, 2000, 11:15 pm
White Stone Cottage - 51 year-old wizard - Oct 31, 2000, 11:15 pm
As he watched, even more entries appeared as guests started to leave the party from the Manor's fireplaces. Draco moved his finger up the page until he found the entry he was looking for.
Hermione Granger's Flat, London - 21 year-old witch - Oct 31, 2000, 11:02 pm
Draco grabbed his wand from his pocket and lit a fire in the fireplace. He glanced at the clock. 11:17pm. He'd set up a spell earlier to open the Manor's fireplaces up to the public Floo network, just for tonight, and it would end at 1:30am. He still had time. He threw in a pile of Floo powder, then stopped.
What are you doing? Are you going to Floo to her flat? Uninvited? Do you really think you're the person she wants to see right now?
I just need to make sure she's okay.
She can take care of herself!
Draco stood in place, warring with himself for several moments as he watched the green flames. Then, he crouched down on his knees and said, "Hermione Granger's Flat, London," before poking his head into the flames. He'd just take one quick look, to make sure she'd made it home okay, then he'd come right back.
Draco held his breath as he watched the fireplaces spin around his head. He half-expected it not to work, since she'd admitted she was paranoid about the security of her flat. But it was possible she hadn't severed the Floo connection from her side, yet. Most witches and wizards didn't do that until just before turning in and locking up for the night.
As the spinning slowed, indicating he was getting close to his destination, he held his breath. Was he going to come to regret this bold action in a few minutes? He stopped turning and a sitting room appeared in front of him. The room was neat with a large, cream sofa in the middle and overflowing bookshelves on either side. This was definitely the right place.
There were two people on the sofa and luckily, they were facing away from the fire. Draco took in the scene: Granger, still in her dress, was sitting on the middle of the sofa with her head buried in Weasley's shoulder. Weasley had one arm wrapped around her while he rubbed her back with the other. Draco couldn't tell if she was crying but didn't want to stay to find out. He'd seen enough.
He pulled his head out of the fire and leaned back on his heels as tears stung his eyes. He could guess what had happened. After a long night of lobbying, surrounded by people she didn't know or particularly like, she must have reached her limit. She'd asked Theo to take her to the Floo, then called her boyfriend in to comfort her. She'd probably told him all about how Draco had been rude to her, how he'd forced her to dance when she didn't want to, then attempted a lame apology, which was several years too late.
Tears were streaming down Draco's face now and when he took out his handkerchief to wipe them, it was still damp, from Granger's tears. He balled it in his fist and dropped his head into his other hand. It killed Draco that when she'd crashed tonight, she hadn't sought him out. He wanted to be the person who made her feel better, not the one who pushed her to her limit. It should be him on that sofa, patting her back and running his fingers through her hair. But of course it wasn't.
And, honestly, she was with the better wizard. Not the wizard who had stood by while she was tortured and done nothing, even though he was armed and in a position to help her. She was with the wizard who'd thrown himself against the walls of the dungeons, shouted for her, and begged them to torture him instead.
Draco didn't know how long he stayed in the study, wallowing over how miserable he was and how he'd never be as much to Granger as she was becoming to him. When he was finished feeling sorry for himself, at least for tonight, he returned to his bedroom. It was cold, despite a roaring fire that Finley must have started for him.
Draco scanned the room and saw that one of the windows was open. It didn't take him long to put together who had opened it, and why.
He climbed out the window and Levitated himself to the roof where he found Daphne lying on her back, wrapped up in one of his old robes, which she must have taken from his closet.
She was staring up at the stars and as he took a seat next to her, he saw that she'd been crying. Draco laid down on the edge of her pillow and turned to face her. She looked exactly as sad as Draco felt and he was oddly comforted by that.
"Hi," he whispered.
"Hi."
"Do you want to tell me what happened?"
"No."
"Okay." He understood that. He didn't want to talk about Granger either.
She turned her head to look at him. "But please - uh - don't leave."
Draco nodded, then pulled her into his arms and shifted onto his back. She laid her head on his chest and wrapped an arm around his torso and they just stayed there, holding onto each other for a long while. Draco tried to extract as much comfort out of the embrace as he could, but he kept thinking that this wasn't the witch he wanted in his arms. He knew he wasn't the wizard she wanted to be with either but figured this was better than nothing. At least he was warm and wasn't alone.
Present Time: February 2000 / Draco's Time: November 2000
A few days later (or, alternatively, eight months ago) Draco was sitting on the bench he and Granger had occupied (would occupy?) in the park during their non-date. Draco didn't know what made him come here today, maybe he hoped to meet Granger here, though he was sure if that had happened, she would have mentioned it when they came here later with their ice cream.
Also, as it was freezing and raining, it was unlikely she'd show up. The park was empty, so Draco had cast Warming and Water Repellent Charms on himself while he sat, watching the water fall on the surface of the grey lake. He'd wanted to feel close to Granger, that's why he'd come here, but it wasn't helping much with his dark mood.
Initially, he'd felt okay when he'd traveled to the past. The day after the party, he'd gone straight to Nott Manor to talk to Theo. It felt weird and very out of character for Draco, but he knew it was the right thing to do and who knew? Maybe Theo would mention it to Granger when he saw her again.
At first, Theo wanted to pretend nothing had happened, but Draco refused to leave and camped in Theo's library while he wrote the position paper Kenderson had requested the night before. Around lunchtime, Theo sulked into the room, lowered himself into the chair across from Draco, and told Draco everything.
Draco had stayed the whole day while Theo said more words than he'd ever said in all his previous interactions with Draco combined. Draco guessed he'd been bottling everything up for so long that it was finally pouring out. He tried to be supportive, then encouraged Theo to tell Daphne he was gay, too. Blaise already knew, but knowing Blaise, he probably hadn't been especially supportive (or unsupportive) about it.
That night, after several rounds of drinks with Theo, Draco had returned to the Manor and fallen asleep almost immediately (since he'd slept like absolute shit the night before). Shortly after he awoke the next morning, he was taken to the past. Once there, he'd gone straight to his mother and told her everything. She reminded him, painfully, of how bad things had been for him in February.
He was still pretty down in November, but at least he wasn't as bad as he had been. He wasn't relying on Potions and Alcohol to sleep and hadn't performed Dark Magic in months. But still, thoughts of Granger lingered on the edges of his mind, threatening to pull him back to that dark place.
Draco tried to keep the thoughts at bay as he did what he knew he had to in this time. Catch up with his mother and reassure her everything would be okay, break up with Astoria over dinner, and invite his friends over for drinks next week. Once he'd finished those tasks, he'd come to the park.
And now that he was here, in the same spot where he'd sat next to Granger, he let himself think about her. He replayed some of his favorite conversations of theirs, remembered what it had felt like to hold her while they danced, and recalled how beautiful she was - not only when she was all dressed up (like at the Gala and the ball), but even on normal days.
Her hair pulled up while several curls tried to escape, her five blouses and three dresses which all looked amazing on her, how her face lit up when she solved something, how the gold specks in her eyes sparkled, and the sound of all her different laughs - the sarcastic one, the full-on bellow, the snort when she was trying to hide her amusement, the chuckle under her breath.
Fuck, he missed her. He wanted her so badly but she would never know. He'd only ever be a work acquaintance to her. But he'd take what he could get. As he thought that, he realized something. Lady Malfoy wasn't the reason he'd be friends with Granger in the future. Draco would do that himself.
He'd resigned himself to the fact that Granger wasn't for him, but he still wanted to be close to her. They were sort of friends already and were growing closer each week. Maybe he could keep that going. Maybe, once they moved on to different careers, he could meet with her once a week for breakfast or lunch, like Theo did. Would Lady Malfoy be okay with that? She'd have to be.
At the thought of her, this mystery witch, Draco dropped his head in his hands. He was realizing something else about his future. He'd assumed he would be completely in love with Lady Malfoy, that when she came into his life, she'd be the answer to all his questions, the truth he'd spent his whole life searching for. But that wasn't it at all. Draco could only see his feelings for Granger growing from here and didn't think they'd just go away at the appearance of a new witch.
Future Draco had emphasized over and over again how Lady Malfoy loved him no matter what. And because of that, Draco must decide to settle for her. He'd be grateful to her for accepting all his flaws and try his best to love her back but all the while, a deeper part of him would long for someone else. Would this be part of their fights? Part of the "everything" Draco would keep from her?
Maybe, when they'd have those C.O.B.R.A talks and get everything out, Draco would admit he'd fallen for another witch before her and that a part of him still longed for her. And she'd admit...what? That she'd originally been drawn to his money or maybe his family's influence? Then, they'd decide to settle for a marriage of convenience.
It wasn't uncommon in their world. But...fuck...Draco thought he'd do better than that. Why had he thought that? That wasn't at all what he deserved. He recalled 2006 Draco. He was calm and content. So, Draco would grow to love Lady Malfoy. He'd become comfortable with her. It would all be okay. But it wouldn't be real, would it?
A/N: Poor Draco. The poem from Lang Leav at the beginning is one of my absolute favorites and fits this story perfectly. The quote Hermione says about bravery is from Emma Donoghue - and is something she said in Timeless, too. Thanks for reading!