Chapter CL – All Alone

Aeyrin stepped into the small house on weak wobbly feet.

Everything hurt so much. But at least the pain in her body distracted her from the pain she felt whenever she thought about Bishop. She was almost grateful that the trek took long enough for the potion's effects to dissipate, at least she was just concentrating on trying to withstand the physical pains. It was a disturbing thought, that she would ever be grateful for something like that.

She let the pack, which she had previously retrieved quickly from the tavern, fall onto the floor of the house before she began using her trusty stick again to move herself over towards a small bed at the side of the room.

"That must have been a vicious animal attack, child," the old Altmer priest approached her after he had closed the door behind him. He tentatively looked over her ear and the scratches on her cheek with a measure of curiosity in his expression.

He got that right.

"You tried to heal it already?" The man looked at her even more curiously as he began running his finger gently over one of the scratches. He stopped instantly though when Aeyrin flinched at his touch. She wasn't ready for anything to come near her wounds just then, but she knew that he needed to in order to help her. She wasn't even sure why she flinched.

"A… a little. I'm not very good. And… there's a lot more." She lowered her eyes and as the priest raised his hand to her cheek once more and she tried her hardest to keep still while he pressed his hand to her skin. It got decidedly easier when the warmth and tingle of magic began spreading through the painful tissue.

When he was done with her cheek, the Altmer's eyes roamed over briefly towards the stick that she had leaned against the wall before, then towards her legs. Nothing could be seen under her borrowed robe anyway, but it was obvious that he was wondering about the scope of her injuries.

"You did alright, child. Do you need help taking it off?" He gave her a gentle smile before he turned his attention back to her injuries and moved his hand upwards, letting it hover over the tip of her ear. This time, the healing spell stung her a bit, for some reason, but soon after, the pain slowly dissipated again.

Aeyrin shook her head sheepishly when he stepped away from her. She carefully grabbed the hems of the robe and slowly draped it over her head before she let it fall from her hand to the ground. Standing was hard without her stick, but it was even worse when she had to move like that. She wobbled slightly on her feet and let out a loud hiss of pain when she was forced to put more of her weight on her wounded calf than she had ever wanted to.

The elf's eyes went wide instantly as they roamed over the deep, barely healed wounds all over her body, as well as over the dark bruises and scratches that she hadn't even bothered wasting her energy on back at the abandoned cabin.

"Arkay's circle! What did this to you, girl?!" the Altmer gasped incredulously and his hands darted to her shoulders, as if he suddenly didn't believe her to be able to stand on her own.

"A monster," Aeyrin merely answered quietly. She certainly didn't feel like elaborating further. It was bad enough to have to even think about that sick freak, she really didn't want to talk about him too.

The elf's brows creased but, fortunately, he didn't pry any further. He only pressed against her shoulders gently, urging her to get down onto the bed.

He didn't need to insinuate it twice. Without further prompting, she slowly lowered herself onto the bed and tried to lay down as carefully as possible, not to make the pain worse. When she finally relaxed her tense muscles on the soft mattress, her body suddenly felt much more aware of how tired she was. If it weren't for the lingering pain, she would have dozed off right there and then while the Altmer started to slowly work on healing her injuries.

This time, she didn't even consider keeping scars after this. The ear was bad enough, she didn't want to be reminded of this ever again, even though that was likely wishful thinking on her part. She had kept her scars from Ri'zhassa to remind herself to remember what people were capable of, but… she didn't want to think about the fact that there were people capable of what Thorn had done to her for nothing but his own amusement. And she definitely didn't want to think about the fact that he was undoubtedly going to do much, much worse things to her eventually. Although she wasn't exactly sure what he had done to her after she had passed out. But she knew that there were no new injuries at least.

She couldn't help but remember just then how adamant Bishop had been about her not letting Ulfric's treatment of her change her, back when she had been banished from Windhelm. She sorely hoped to honor the same wish now. He was right back then. And as impossible as it seemed now, maybe… maybe one day this would all just be a distant memory. The more hold over her that she allowed this event to have, the harder it would be to achieve that. She just… needed time to process this.

"You should rest here when I'm done, child. I think your body needs it," the priest interrupted her from her thoughts with a sympathetic look while he continued his treatment.

"I… I have somewhere to be," she answered curtly, but she suspected that she wasn't very convincing.

It was a lie. She was just scared. Scared that Karliah didn't manage to win the battle. Scared that the bandits would be after her. Scared… that she'd run into Bishop here in Falkreath.

The truth was, she had nowhere to be… nowhere to go.

She thought briefly about going to Whiterun for some respite and recuperation. At least she definitely wouldn't run into Bishop there with his banishment. But… she didn't want to see Lydia. Aeyrin knew that she should probably give her a chance to talk things through, but the truth was, she felt betrayed. It hurt just to think about what Lydia had been willing to go through to lie to her and protect Bishop's secrets. Aeyrin didn't want to see her, she didn't want to listen to any excuses or even apologies.

She just wasn't ready to face any of this.

She could have gone to Jorrvaskr. But after Farkas' strange insistence on her not visiting before and after she had ditched Aela, she didn't feel like going there either. Somehow, she felt like she didn't have it in her to explain what had happened, why she had to leave Whiterun with Bishop back then so suddenly, even though the Companions probably already knew about the bounty. But she didn't want to deal with any personal issues that Farkas might have had with her presence there either.

She didn't feel like dealing with anything.

She still barely realized what had happened. It all felt like a strange dream that she kept praying to wake up from. She kept alternating between anger, sorrow, self-pity and regret. The last thing that she needed now were more things on her mind. She kept telling herself that she needed time, to clear her mind, to come to terms with everything, to figure out how she felt, at least.

But that didn't seem to happen. The more time to think she had, the more messy and jumbled everything felt.

She waited somewhat impatiently for the priest to be done. It seemed to take him forever, which was quite understandable, given the number of her injuries. But she still felt fidgety. She wasn't the only one in the area who was in dire need of a temple healing after all, and the sooner she was out of there, the better.

When the Altmer was finally done, she quickly paid him and left the small temple by the cemetery.

She needed to get out of Falkreath.

She wondered if she should buy a weapon and at least some more practical clothes. The robe wasn't really providing her with much protection, and it would take some time before she could splurge on a new set of quality armor. But the thought of lingering in that town still filled her with unease.

She didn't need a weapon after all. She could Shout. And she was all too aware of the fact that if she got herself into a similar situation like the one in the forest again, no weapon could help her anyway.

She headed out of the city instead, determined to get far away from there as soon as possible. If she never saw Falkreath again, it would be too soon.

Aeyrin took the eastern exit out of the town this time. She knew all too well what lay in the west and she was still wary of what the outcome of Karliah's battle was. Then again… the bandits were probably active in the east too. She just had to hope that the battle had made them too preoccupied and diminished their forces enough.

The road was blessedly empty and peaceful, but again, that did not help her ease her mind at all. There was so much… so many secrets that Bishop had revealed, so many things that she needed to process and come to terms with. It was like she didn't even know where to start.

She just wanted to think about the journey, to preoccupy herself with imagining what she could encounter, how she would defend herself with no weapon and armor. It was oddly relaxing.

And she couldn't bring herself to think further ahead than the next few steps.

For once, she'd rather if the 'path did not reveal itself'. She was too afraid of what it held at the end.

She continued to travel to the other bank of the White River – avoiding Riverwood pointedly. There were too many memories there. Well… not that there weren't memories of her travels with Bishop everywhere. There wasn't a city or town in Skyrim that didn't hold some special significance to her, reminding her of their time together there.

She would just have to make her peace with it. And who knew? Maybe one day, things would be different. She meant it when she had told him that she didn't want him out of her life. Even imagining that made her heart ache and the back of her neck burn furiously.

But for now, she just needed time.

Even though, so far, it didn't help her much.

It was getting late and the journey was exhausting.

She wondered for a while if she should sleep in Whiterun, but she dismissed that thought quickly. No home, no Jorrvaskr, and Saadia was mixed up in this too – that excluded the Mare too. Aeyrin really hoped that, soon, there would be a time when she didn't have to obsess about running into someone that she knew, just so that she wouldn't have to talk things through with them or answer any questions about what had happened to her, and where Bishop was. She herself couldn't even think about these things, how could she expect herself to talk about them?

She looked over the Whiterun plains that were spreading in front of her.

Right now, some hidden cavern looked like the most tempting option.

The sun was setting slowly on the horizon, illuminating the sky in a bright orange glare. It looked so… peaceful. But none of it still helped make her feel even a little less uneasy.

She could have sworn that she saw a large shape glide through the skies in the north, over the mountains near Whiterun.

And she had almost forgotten about them.

No matter.

Right now, she needed to take things one step at a time. And soon, she was sure that everything would go back to normal. Like back when she began travelling through Cyrodiil, after she had left the temple. She was fine then, eventually. She would be fine again.

She just had to learn how to live like this again.

All alone.

…

Dead Man's Drink.

What a fitting name.

That was exactly how Bishop felt.

Aeyrin's pack was gone by the time he had arrived. No surprises there. After all, he stayed at the cabin for what felt like an eternity. For the life of him, right now, he couldn't even remember what he had been doing there. It felt like he just… sat there, with his mind blank, uncertain about what to do next.

He… saw that coming, right? He kept telling himself that she'd hate him, he kept telling himself that she'd leave him.

But now that it actually happened, he couldn't believe it.

It felt like a bad dream. If only he could just forget it instantly, like in Dawnstar. But Aeyrin's words still rang in his head incessantly.

She… wasn't wrong about any of it. Things went out of hand and the secrets and mistrust got too… instinctive. For both of them, it seemed. But Bishop was sure that they could fix it. They could start over, work together in earnest now.

He just… couldn't stand the thought of being without her anymore. The thought of her not sharing a drink with him right now, the thought of not being able to press her to himself when he went to sleep, it made him sick to his stomach.

Or maybe that was the alcohol.

His head suddenly jerked as the hand that had been supporting it while he sat by the bar slipped under him, almost making him collide with the counter.

He may have been drunker than he had realized.

"You're cut off," Valga's voice riled him up a little as she took away his tankard, but it only elicited an annoyed groan from him.

And to think that he was enjoying their budding friendship so much! She even told him her name. After he had been constantly calling her 'you there', that is.

"Go sleep it off. You've been shitfaced for two days," Valga shook her head at him with a disapproving frown.

So what? She should be grateful for all that patronage.

At first, Bishop really did consider spending his money on sensible things. The minute he had retrieved his pack from the tavern, he headed to the cemetery with Aeyrin's chastising words still echoing in his head. She would have wanted him to get healed. And… at least the physical pain would ease, if nothing else.

He should have gone to get some armor made right after that. But… he wanted the one that Aeyrin had made for him. It was perfect. She knew exactly what he would like.

He needed a drink.

And… here he was. It's been a… long drink.

It wasn't helping as much as he had originally thought.

Two days drinking and… wait… two days already?

"Wh' day izzit?" he mumbled incoherently at Valga. Talking was surprisingly difficult. He really hadn't thought that he was this drunk, but the evidence seemed to suggest otherwise now.

"Turdas," the innkeeper answered noncommittally.

That didn't help! Come on! Talking was really hard!

"Date," he tried to enunciate the word as best as he could. He was pretty sure that he had managed that. Impressive.

"The eighth. Go. To. Sleep," Valga insisted. When he still didn't move though, she adamantly walked around the bar and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him off the stool roughly. She was really lucky that he managed to keep his balance, difficult as it was, because if he hadn't, he would have just toppled right onto her.

'The eighth'? Didn't Karliah say something about a meeting? Bishop hadn't really been in a state of mind to listen back then, but he was pretty sure that she had said the ninth. In some shop here? The alchemist's? That sounded kinda familiar.

He really didn't want to talk to anyone.

But… he needed to know. He needed to know if the mission had succeeded, he needed to know how big of a danger Aeyrin was still in and he needed to know who could still be after her.

He… should really go to sleep if he wanted to remember anything from that meeting though.

…

"Bishop," Karliah stood up from her table instantly when he appeared at the top of the stairs on the second floor of the apothecary. A familiar scene greeted him there – Raven, Sapphire and Thrynn were all idling around the room while Karliah was sitting by a table, surrounded by countless important-looking papers. At least they were all alive. That boded well.

"We've just arrived a few minutes ago. So… we can get to it. Uh…" Karliah suddenly fidgeted with uncharacteristic nervousness. It was strange for her to seem so unfocused and apprehensive, but her next words made it clear why she was acting strange. "Is Aeyrin alright?"

What a question! If only he knew.

He knew that she would ask. Of course she would. But he still got a little angry and morose when she actually did. He sorely hoped that they could just stick to business, but that was clearly just wishful thinking on his part.

"She's alive," he answered curtly, unwilling to remain on the subject.

"Well you look like you've been dead for days," Thrynn scowled while he looked Bishop over. He even seemed a bit concerned.

The fuck did he want to hear? Bishop just ignored him pointedly. He felt like shit and it wasn't just because of the excruciating hangover that he couldn't chase off with more drinks yet if he wanted to remember anything from this day. He just needed to know how the mission went. He just needed to know how much danger Aeyrin was still in from the bounty. He didn't want to discuss anything else with any of them.

"W-well… aye," Karliah interrupted the uncomfortable silence after a while and yet again, she shook her head briskly as if she tried to regain her focus and professionalism. It oddly worked. "The good news is that Thorn's hideout is wiped out. We have found Thorn dead in a fighting ring. I assume that it was your doing?" She turned her violet eyes towards Bishop with curiosity.

He only nodded curtly in response. He was all too eager to move on with the conversation. The important thing was that that fucking bastard was dead after all, who even cared what had actually happened?

"How'd you kill him?" Sapphire, who had been only leaning against a wall somewhat disinterestedly up until now, suddenly perked up. There was an excited and overeager glint in her eyes.

Heh… why not? It would definitely make her day. At least someone could be happy with the results of this mission, if it couldn't be Bishop.

"He wanted to duel me. He thought that he was winning. I caught him off guard, grabbed his axe and chopped it into his cock. Then I sawed his head off with my sword." Bishop gave her a level look as he recounted the battle. It was somewhat satisfying to tell her, but he still couldn't bring himself to smile even a little.

Sapphire, however, was more than satisfied. She let out a long sigh that almost sounded like a moan while she slumped back against the wall with her eyes closed, as if she was trying to imagine the scene in all its glory. "Fuck… I think I just came," she snorted with an amused tone in her voice.

Thrynn's scowl turned into a pleased smile as well at Bishop's words, but he didn't say a word.

Raven and Karliah, however, didn't look as pleased as the two former bandits did. They were both still wearing the same somber expressions on their faces. Didn't they take the Falkreath base? What were they so fucking morose about?

"Aye. It made retrieving the head for the bounty somewhat easier," Karliah snorted a bit. "And, speaking of which, Raven will get you all your cut."

Raven's deadpan expression didn't change the entire time, but he did move a little from his rigid position by a cupboard. He rummaged around in one of the drawers until he produced two rather substantial coin purses. He weighed them in his hands briefly, as if to check that he had the right ones, and then he passed them to Sapphire and Thrynn. He didn't seem to have one for Bishop. Normally it would have pissed him off to no end. He was the one that had actually killed Thorn, even if he would have been dead right after that without Karliah's help. But… he didn't really have it in him to care about some fucking money right now.

"And… here," Karliah gave Bishop a brief nod before she suddenly rose from her seat and bent down by the cupboards. She lugged a large heavy sac onto the table a second later and when Bishop approached curiously, she opened it in front of him.

He noticed the glint of Aeyrin's gold-bronze armor instantly and he peered inside with palpable eagerness, only to find his own armor and weapons there too, as well as her mace and shield. Good. He knew that drinking instead of buying new shit was a good choice. Too bad that the clothes that he had gotten from her weren't there. And the amulet of Stendarr was gone too. But at least he managed to salvage the silver ring. And his one wasn't even taken away in the first place, fortunately. He would have hated losing that. Losing anything from Aeyrin was infuriating. Not as bad as losing her though…

"All yours, I assume? Your cut of the bounty is there too, as well as Aeyrin's," Karliah interrupted his somber pondering while he continued peering into the sac.

Once more he only nodded in response. He should return Aeyrin's things to her somehow. That was… a good excuse to see her. But… he felt a little guilty, thinking about chasing her down so soon, after she had specifically asked him for some time alone. No matter how much he wanted to, it was probably a bad idea.

He had to think about this.

"In any case, as I've said, the bandits here are dead, as is Thorn. But… it's not all good news," Karliah interrupted his pondering again. Now he would finally get the details that he had originally come here for. "The missions at Pinewatch and Knifepoint Ridge yesterday were successful, but… the clans have been informed about our attacks beforehand. Meaning, some of the bandits got away and warned them. My forces suffered heavily. It… it could set my efforts back years. If the bandits manage to follow in Thorn's footsteps and regain their numbers, we would never gain enough men to do this again. Especially since the assault on Lost Knife failed." She lowered her head regretfully. "Maven is… beyond angry. Her messenger already caught me and the attack happened only yesterday. She… is going back to dealing with Mercer. So… we've basically erased our biggest achievement yet." She sat back down onto her seat by the table and she folded her head into her hands.

Ah. That's why she was upset. Maven's support meant more money and men for Mercer. That did not bode well for Aeyrin, considering that the bounty was still in effect. And it wasn't as if Mercer wasn't capable of similarly depraved shit as Thorn. But… at least the Guild members were still there, holding Mercer back and watching his actions carefully. That was not the case with Thorn. He had always been the bigger threat. Bishop had to remind himself of that to keep calm. He had to remind himself of the fact that that motherfucker who had been ruining his life for years was finally gone.

"Who cares?! Thorn's dead!" Sapphire snorted with the same wide smile still splayed across her face.

Yeah. She was right. That was important. Thorn. Was. Dead.

Raven suddenly cleared his throat to get attention and he displayed a large paper with scribbles. Nobody even seemed to have noticed him writing before. He had a deep scowl on his face, predominantly aimed at Bishop.

.

I told you that it was too soon. We weren't ready. Not to mention the premature attack on Thorn. Do any of you have any idea how livid Mercer will be? How viciously he will retaliate? He will take insane measures to get the situation under control, just like he did after that failed 'mutiny'. And guess what? Again, this is all your fault, Bishop. What kind of a fucking hunter doesn't know the importance of patience? I told you that we needed to hide Aeyrin away before we could act. I hope you're proud of yourself.

.

They all got up from their positions in order to see the paper.

Sapphire was the first to scoff at Raven dismissively and she promptly returned to lean on the wall again with a smile on her face. It seemed like all she had ever wanted had come true. Thorn was dead. She obviously didn't care about much else.

Thrynn gave an uncertain look to Bishop, but he didn't comment either. He sat back down onto the bed at the side of the room which he had been previously occupying and he seemed to want nothing more than to stay out of things.

The words were… painful to read. Bishop had thought a lot of them himself before. But what did that matter now? It was done. And he certainly wasn't going to give Raven the satisfaction of admitting that he was right even about one single thing!

"What's our next step? This would be the best time to move things along." Bishop turned to Karliah instantly, ignoring Raven altogether. All he could do now was to ensure that Mercer and the bounty were taken care of. It was the least he could do for Aeyrin.

"Aye. I need to get Maven back. If not on our side, then at least to have her abandon Mercer again," Karliah nodded at him. "And... Raven had a thought on that, actually. It has a lot of merit. You see, Maven's caravans have been plagued a lot by the dragons. They often travel around the mountains and, well, you know, dragons are there. Raven thought that, after she recovers, of course, if Aeyrin was to… covertly follow two or three of those caravans and take care of the 'problem', Maven might re-evaluate her association with the man who wants the Dragonborn dead." She gave Bishop an eager conspiratorial smile. She was obviously rather proud of Raven's idea.

Fuck.

He didn't wanna talk about this. Especially not in front of Raven. And Sapphire and Thrynn's presence didn't really help matters either. But there was no getting around this now.

He sighed in palpable defeat and exasperation. He needed another drink.

"If you need something from Aeyrin, you're gonna have to talk to her about it," he murmured a little incoherently. He really hoped that it was vague enough not to be obvious, but the others seemed to figure out the circumstances instantly.

Perhaps he shouldn't be surprised. They all knew how much he had been keeping from Aeyrin. They all knew that his secrets drove her straight into Thorn's trap. It was only natural that she'd want nothing to do with him after, wasn't it?

"She left you?" Thrynn asked curiously.

Bishop didn't answer and he quickly averted his eyes from all of them. The barest hint of the smirk on Raven's face pissed him off to no end.

"W-well… I'll be sure to contact her… in time," Karliah stammered again, and she seemed to speak really hurriedly, as if she was trying to prevent anyone else from saying anything. She probably worried that Raven would taunt Bishop and that things would escalate. It was… a fair concern.

"Aye… in any case, you are still willing to help us, right?" She gave Bishop a careful look. She really seemed worried about his answer for some reason. Didn't she have enough agents to do her missions?

But it was not as if he would refuse her.

He nodded.

The least he would do was to make sure that every scum that was threatening Aeyrin was taken care of. He would help her, even if she didn't want him to. And he would make sure that she was in as little danger as possible.

He had people to help him with it. People with plans and connections.

But he knew that he would have done this anyway.

Even if he had to do it all alone.

Author's Note:

Aaand… the end ;) For now :D

Thank you all for reading, for sticking to the (bitter) end. I am so grateful for all your support, your wonderful comments, your votes, kudos, follows and everything. It's a little hard to believe that we're already at this point, it's been a hell of a ride to share this with you all :)

I know that the story ended on a bad note, but there will be plenty of time to make things right, time for all the fluff, levity and smut :D I can't wait to share how the story continues with all of you O:)

I will start to post the second book soon, probably in a week or so, two at the most ;) Sooner if I'm too impatient :D I'm already excited for it.

Thank you all again, your support means the world to me :)

See you all soon in the second book :)