AN
Here it is the first of the EPOV which will be becoming more frequent from now on :)

So be prepared for some explanations... and some dark stuff.

As always I hope you enjoy en let me know what you think!

Chapter 22 - Mistakes were made

EPOV

Darkness. It surrounded me. Totally and completely. I wasn't sure where I was… I wasn't even sure I was still alive.

There was nothing. No smell, no sound, no sight. I was trapped in my own body and my own thoughts. And my thoughts were not letting me be in peace.

I knew I had made mistakes with Bella. I knew I had been absolutely horrible to her. In the beginning it had been necessary. I hadn't known if she was a Volturi spy. I had to protect my coven. I couldn't be careless with their safety. When it became clear she wasn't a spy, the death threats started coming. I knew then if I gave in to my feelings and told her what she meant to me, she'd be taken and murdered by the Volturi.

So my abuse continued, and I hated myself for it. I should have consulted Carlisle, I should have asked Alice to see if there was any way around it all. I should have done so many things differently. if I was still alive, and I made it out of this alive… I would grovel and I would beg and I would hope against all hope that she would forgive me and give me another chance.

Suddenly my senses returned to me and I breathed a sigh of relief. I blinked a few times, adjusting to my surroundings. I was in a cell it seemed. The sun was streaming in through a small slit of a widow behind me. Straw covered the floor and the walls were made of a type of iron.

Aro stood in front of me, his two favourite trigger happy henchmen beside him; Alec and Jane.

That must have been the reason for my total blackness.

Alec.

I stared at the trio in front of me.

'Where's Bella?' I demanded in a snarl, getting to my feet slowly.

As if she's still here Alec thought in a rather sad tone.

God this guy is an idiot Jane thought, rolling her eyes.

So full of hope. I had been right. she got under his skin alright. this worked out better than I'd planned... Aro's thoughts aburptly changed direction, thinking of the sun and the rain and the stars and some poem in Latin. He'd slipped I realized then. He hadn't wanted me to know that he had put her in my path in purpose.

My mind reeled… he knew?

He had deliberately put Bella in my path? He knew she was my weakness.

My mind worked overtime, thinking back to how I could have given this away, then I remembered. That peace summit a few months ago. She'd been serving us while we were discussing peace terms. Nothing concrete yet, that hadn't happened until after the summit. I had never thought twice about that, but now…

God I was an idiot. Aro had noticed.

He'd noticed how my eyes had followed the girl around the room, how I'd felt drawn to her… She'd never returned my gaze and had left the room quickly after a short curtsey to Aro. It couldn't have been more than five minutes. Yet Aro had seen it all, guessed at what it could mean. Damn. I was a fool.

'She's still alive, if that's what you're worried about.' His gravelly voice said calmly.

'Where is she?' I demanded again. I didn't care what they did to me, I just wanted her to be safe.

Aro simply smiled at me. 'It's so good of you to come for her, even though she hates you. She doesn't want your help.' Aro said, grinning down at me.

I froze. I tried not to let his words get to me, but it was hard. Did she really hate me? I would hate me… if the roles were reversed.

I had treated her horrendously. Fuck. Did she not want to see me? Did she not need rescuing at all?

'Where. Is. She?' I growled out through my teeth.

'She's fine. She's here. She knows you're here and she doesn't care one bit.' He leaned down until his face was inches from mine.

His thoughts were carefully controlled, so were the twins. This couldn't be true. If this were true he would be showing me the proof of her disdain in his thoughts, just to hurt me.

'I don't believe you.' I snarled.

Aro laughed then, stepping back again. 'Very well. Don't believe me. She's here though and she's not planning on saving you.'

I swallowed then, realising that I really was in big trouble. I should have waited for the rescue mission. Why was I such an idiot when it came to Bella?

'Now. On to different matters. Your little coven is annoying. It just keeps on interefering with my plans. You keep gathering powerful vampires to your team, and I am sick of it.'

'I don't gather vampires.' I spat at him. This was the problem with the Volturi, they collected vampires as trophies. The more powerful you were, the more they wanted you. they didn't care about hurting others to reach that goal either. It was join them or else die.

Would I be facing the same fate? Or was I too dangerous?

'I offer them a safe place.'

Aro scoffed. 'A safe place from what?'

'You.' I didn't look away from his gaze and he snorted once, but I detected his unease.

'I don't care what you think you're doing over there, but I need to end it, one way or another. So I will give you one option, capitulate now, and we'll spare the lives of all your coven mates. Disband your coven and give full control back over to me and we'll spare you.'

Jane's eyes widened. She apparentely hadn't gotten that memo. She was the most murderous of Aro's bunch of henchmen. A day without killing was a day not lived according to her. She was bristeling now as well, slipping in her effort to keep me out, revealing that she was under the impression that war was brewing and my coven was already under attack.

'I doubt that.' I muttered.

'So you decline?' Aro asked.

'I won't sign over my coven to you. I know they can hold their own without me. You won't be able to touch them.'

He raised a brow at me. 'Oh we can. We definitely can.' he said ominously. 'but we also can definitely hurt you.'

I took in a deep breath steeling myself for what was to come. Aro nodded to Jane and before I could brace myself I was on the ground, writhing in agony. The fiery burn of the change had nothing on Jane's torture gift. It felt like all my bones were shattering at once. It felt like was being burned alive, it felt like I was being skinned alive in a slow and torturous manner… I writhed around the floor, gasping and groaning in agony.

But I willed myself not to scream. My hands balled into fists as I tried to channel myself to let the pain out, it was an illusion after all. I tried fighting it, but it wasn't working.

The torture continued for what felt like an eternity.

Finally it lessened and stopped. I gasped out loud and tried to get to my feet again, my arms shaking violently from the onslaught.

'That was just a taste, Edward. I've set my terms. Let's see how long you think you can defy me. Either way I will gain control of your coven.' Aro said, before turning around and stepping out of the cell.

Jane was still grinning down at me viciously and I half expected her to continue her little torture parade. But instead she leaned down close to me.

'My lovely little gift may not have worked on Bella, but I found other ways to torture her.' she whispered. Then she looked into my eyes and showed me with her thoughts.

Images of Bella curled into a ball as Jane was kicking her, Jane's hand wrapped around Bella's throat and the helpless look in her eyes as she clawed at Jane's hands. Jane kicking the cup of blood Bella was drinking away again and again until her eyes blackened and her strength left her.

I shuddered. It was too much.

Was this really how she lived with these people? Beaten and humiliated daily? Starved over periods of time?

No wonder she had been so terrified and adamant she would never go back to being someone's prisoner again.

God and I had treated her exactly the same. I had tortured her.

Sure I hadn't hit her or starved her, but what I'd done had been worse. I had toyed with her, with her motions. I had driven her to extremes… I was pretty sure I had broken her spirit. I was an absolute dick.

Alec pulled Jane away from me, as I slouched down and shook my head, trying to clear the horrible images from my mind.

Alec gave me a wistful look but I didn't spare him the energy to look into his mind to see why. He turned around to leave and all my senses were taken away again and I was plunged into darkness once again.

I would have given anything to be able to be unconscious now. But my mind stayed active, throwing my mistakes back at me with a vengeance.

Memories started playing through my head, highlighting all the moments I had broken Bella's heart, humiliated her… destroyed her. It had all been my fault.

The worst of them was after our ceremony.

That day when the crowds had parted and she was revealed, my breath had caught, my eyes had widened and I couldn't believe it. She was beautiful. Her hair was elegantly curled, but still flowing loosely down her back in graceful ringlets. She wore an emerald green dress and it complemented her curves amazingly. She kept her eyes downcast but as Emmett placed her hand in mine, electric sparks shot up my hand and arm. Her grip had tightened infinitesimally and I knew she had felt it too. My heart wanted to soar, yet I knew I had to keep up the pretence of not wanting her. It killed me to keep my voice cool and detached.

But what killed me more, was the look of absolute humiliation that had crossed her features when Tanya had jumped me in the library afterwards. I hadn't expected that. I had asked Rosalie and Alice to make sure Tanya was otherwise engaged. I knew she would cause trouble otherwise. I had tried to push Tanya away, but she'd gripped me tighter. When I had finally managed to extract myself from her, her thoughts told me she was about to make a very loud and humiliating scene, involving hair pulling and some choice words for Bella. So I'd leant in close and told her to wait patiently and I would come to her room soon. That had seemed to appease her and she'd hurried away, thinking of a few sexy lingerie sets that would interest me, she had been sure of it.

Although I had no interest in her whatsoever anymore. Bella had turned that all upside down the moment I'd laid eyes on her.

Bella had refused to look at me for the rest of our time in the library. When it came time to head into the room for twelve hours, nerves had wracked my body. I wished above all that I could spent that time with her. I wanted to get to know her, but I needed more time. I couldn't yet trust her, even though I had wanted to.

So I had told her I would spent my time in my office and she was not allowed to enter.

'One more thing.' I had said, stopping with my hand on the doorknob of my study. I couldn't help but tell her this. I wanted her to know she was mine, even though it was unfair, especially because I'd told her Tanya was my mistress. I knew I couldn't ask this of her, and yet, every instinct I had in me told me that she was mine and I knew I couldn't stop myself from killing any man that put his hands on her. So I'd told her that her loyalty did not only extend to the coven, but also to me. 'I will hold you to your oath of loyalty. Any correspondence with the Volturi will be viewed as treason, and I will not tolerate you having another man.'

Her eyes had widened in indignation, then I'd fled before she could respond. I'd listened for sounds she was going to follow me, but there were none. When I'd opened my eyes, Tanya had been there. She'd been undressed, wearing only one of those lingerie sets she'd been thinking about before, and lounging on my desk in what she assumed was an enticing position - reclined on one elbow and the other tracing the curves of her own hips.

'What are you doing here?' I had whispered furiously. Tanya looked taken aback.

'What do you mean?'

'You can't be here, Tanya. This isn't right.' I had ground out, but Tanya wouldn't hear of it. She was adamant that we could have fun, as she put it, while Bella was in the other room. I had shaken my head at her. When she'd come over to kiss me I'd pushed her firmly away from me. She'd opened her mouth, about to throw a temper tantrum and I flashed to her side, throwing my hand over her mouth.

'Just be quiet, please.' I had pleaded, then pressed my lips against her forehead soothingly. That seemed to relax her somewhat and there were no immediately plans in her thoughts to cause a scene. Still I waited another few minutes before withdrawing my hand. 'Please, just don't let her know you're here. I don't want to hurt her feelings like that.' I pleaded with Tanya. 'I already told her you're mine. That's enough for now, right?'

She considered that for a moment. She did take satisfaction in the fact I'd claimed her in front of Bella and I'd kissed her just a few hours ago. But part of her wanted to march over to Bella and start a fight for being married to me. I had wanted to roll my eyes at her shallowness, but it had been my fault she was like this. So I couldn't exactly blame her.

'Look Tanya. I think we should take a break from this. Having Bella here is going to be difficult. I think it's better if we just took some time apart. ' I had suggested. 'I know you wanted us to be mates, but if we were mates it would have already happened.' I sighed. 'I really like you, and I like spending time with you, but I don't think it's fair for me to keep you here, when you could be finding your mate out there.'

Tanya's eyes had grown wide. She'd crossed her arms over her chest and shaken her head. 'No. I love you.' she'd insisted.

We'd spend the next few hours arguing quietly back and forth as the sound of the TV filtered in through the door. She'd threatened multiple times to go out to Bella. But I'd managed to hold her off every time.

Finally she sat back down on my desk like petulant child, shaking and rattling everything on there, including an opened flask of blood. It was something I always had there, the flask kept it fresh for a few days and I enjoyed a sip every now and then during paperwork. But I vividly remembered leaving it unscrewed this morning and completely forgetting about it. As it toppled off the desk now, I dove to catch it, not wanting to ruin the persian rug, but only managed to get blood spilled completely down the front of my shirt.

Tanya had burst out in a fit of giggles as I thudded heavily to the floor.

'Thank you for that.' I had muttered quietly, hoping Bella had not heard.

'Sorry, I didn't mean to knock it over.' She'd answered back. 'Look I get you don't want to hurt her feelings. But I'm sure we can sneak around and make this work. I know you're not my mate, but we enjoy each other, didn't we?' she had asked.

I sighed, slipping my shirt over my head and placing the flask back on the desk. I wiped myself down with it, it was already ruined anyway and cleared most of the blood from my skin before putting the shirt on the desk, making a mental note to throw it away later. I kept a few changes of clothing here, so I grabbed a shirt from the pile and was about to put it on when I heard the door close.

I frowned. Were the twelve hours up already?

Tanya moved to put her dress back on before she walked over to the study door and opened it. She was still shrugging into her dress as she stepped into the sitting room, I followed slipping the shirt over my head.

I had frozen as my eyes landed on Bella still sitting on the couch. She'd not left. The sound I'd heard was the door opening, evidenced by Rosalie standing in the doorway, not closing.

I'd royally fucked up. The pain I hadn't wanted Bella to experience was flaring in her eyes. Fuck.

I'd hurt her deeply. I knew how this looked. Tanya's dress was still undone, my shirt was barely over my head. This looked bad. Before I could assure her nothing had happened Bella had stood up, waltzed over to me, smacked me hard on the cheek and then fled the room with Rosalie in tow.

Pain consumed me as the memory replayed on a loop through my head, focussing on the absolute shattered look in her eyes. The pain I'd seen in her eyes that moment, I knew I had broken her. Her spirit was absolutely dejected when she'd seen us come out of that study. I shuddered to think how that night had skewed her perception of me.

I wondered what she would have thought of me if I'd just kept Tanya in the room longer.

Would things have been different? Would things have been better? I doubted it.

Although I had wanted to grovel and beg for her forgiveness and assure her that nothing had happened, I didn't. I had ushered Tanya from the room, telling her in no uncertain terms that we were taking a break, and then spent the rest of the night wallowing in misery.

I had to keep up the charade after that, because the day after the first threat against her life had come in.

Bella's life had been threatened. If she'd been treated well, Volturi infiltrates would kidnap and kill her. I had to keep up the pretense then. I had to keep my distance and act coolly towards her, even though it killed me to do it.

I was an idiot. an absolute moron and I should never had done it like that. I should have listened to my family, made plans with them. There had to have been other ways I could have handled the situation. But it was too late now. The mistakes were already made. My bed had been made and now I had to lie in it, the mistakes haunting me every second of this cursed blackness that surrounded me completely.