Chapter 28 - Fuck... This is just a shell of a man really

BPOV

As he laid on the beach I couldn't help but feel for him. It tugged on my heart to see him like this. He was just a shell really.

They really did a number on him. I wanted to go sit next to him and cradle his head in my lap like Esme was doing, but I forced myself to stay away. His family could care for him.

They were crowded around him, Carlisle was checking him over and they were all talking to him.

Then his voice reached my ears, rough and weak. 'How long?' he croaked.

My heart broke a little more. God they had been ruthless hadn't they? I bit my lip in order to stop myself from going over to him.

Jasper answered him. 'Just under a week.'

He groaned and struggled to sit up. I wanted to go over and help him up. I may not have been subjected to Alec's or Jane's gift, but I had been beaten up and dragged through hell enough to be able to relate.

'Thank you.' he whispered in a broken voice.

I stopped pacing as I stood in front of him. He struggled with his breathing, taking shallow breaths and seemingly steeling himself, before slowly lifting his head and looking straight up at me. His eyes were dark, barely any gold left in there. They had clearly starved him as well.

'Truly, thank you.' he whispered, his eyes boring into mine.

I knew we had a lot to discuss. A lot to talk about.

And we still had to get away from the volturi. But for now he needed to know that I would never want him to go through anything like that.

'No one deserves to be a prisoner.' I whispered. 'Especially not of the Volturi.'

His eyes widened for a moment, before he nodded once.

Then he glanced at his family.

'How long… do we have?' he looked at Alice.

'About an hour to get to Nice.' She responded.

'Can you give us a minute?' He asked next.

They all shared a look before nodding and getting to their feet. Esme patted his cheek before giving him a hug. Alice squeezed his shoulder as she passed and Emmett, Carlisle and Jasper slapped his bicep. They walked up the beach and disappeared over the sand dunes.

I felt them slip from beneath my shield and realized I was still actively shielding. I quickly pulled it entirely back and felt it settle back against me.

At least I finally figured out my shield, I thought grimly to myself.

The silence stretched between us uncomfortably. I wasn't sure if I should speak first, or if he was working up to something.

Finally I cleared my throat. 'How are you feeling?' I asked.

He gave a humorless chuckle. 'Just great.' He said sarcastically.

I winced. 'I'm sorry, that was a stupid question.'

He shook his head, his lips turning down in a frown. 'No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.' He muttered. 'I'm…' he breathed a harsh breath. 'Fuck. I'm so grateful. You can't even imagine. And I'm so fucking sorry.'

He looked away from me, but I thought I could see his lip quiver as if he was trying to hold back a sob.

Damn. This man was nothing like the Edward I had known back in the US.

I sat down in the sand in front of him. 'Like I said. No one deserves to be a prisoner.' I muttered.

He looked back at me then. 'No. No one does. Were you… Were you in Volterra already?'

I frowned. Had he not been using his gift? Had he not heard everything from his family already, what had transpired?

I shook my head slowly. 'No. I was in Ireland.'

'Can you tell me what happened? Aro… he made it seem like you were there…'

I blew out a breath. 'Of course he would. He would do anything to get inside your head.'

Edward shuddered almost imperceptibly. I cocked an eyebrow at it. Apparently Aro had gotten in his head, then.

'Your family came to find me two days ago. I was in Ireland. Mainstreaming. They tracked me down and convinced me to help you.'

He nodded once, more to himself as he couldn't seem to meet my gaze. 'Thank you.' he muttered. 'That must not have been an easy descicion for you.'

I shook my head. 'It wasn't… but I wouldn't wish this on anyone.'

'Thanks.' He said again. It was silent for a beat as Edward seemed to struggle with himself. 'How did you do it?'

'Do what?'

He glanced up at me. 'How did you survive for fifty years with them?' he gasped out. 'they only had me for a week, but I feel completely destroyed. I'm… I'm… fuck!' he struck the sand with his fist. I sat back startled. I knew they had done a number on him, but this man was completely unraveling it seemed.

'They took turns. Alec and Jane.' He said, his voice detached as he stared out across the sand.

'You don't have to tell me now.' I whispered. 'It's okay.'

He shook his head. 'Jane's torture was just pure pain… I could deal with that… but Alec…' he shuddered. 'Everything went black and the only thing I could do was think about every single fucking mistake I'd made with you.' he took a shuddering breath. 'I tortured myself with that. No pain of Jane's could match up to that.'

He groaned and put his head in his hands, seemingly unable to hide from the horrors that were on repeat in his mind.

'I was immune to their gifts, but I know what it's like to be put down and tortured.' I muttered. 'I know you feel empty right now, like it was your own fault. I know how the loneliness and the desolation can be worse torture than any other pain they can put you through.'

'You're so strong.' He breathed. 'You endured all that on your own and I… instead of saving you, helping you… I destroyed you further.'

'Edward. We don't need to do this now. You're confused and hurting and you need to rest. You need to give yourself some time to deal with this.'

'No. I need to say this.' He insisted, looking up at me again and I saw the determination in his eyes.

I pursed my lips and nodded once.

'I..' His voice shook and he clasped his hands tightly together to try and stop the quivering that was breaking out over his entire body. 'Nothing I can ever say will ever lessen the pain I inflicted on you. I am sorry I felt the need to act like that instead of trusting you and trusting your strength. I misjudged you immensely and I led my own misguided notions about what was right guide me. I should have listened to my family. I should have treated you like you deserved to be treated - a true coven mistress - and I should have told you about the death threats and the fact I found the phone.'

So he had gotten up to speed with what all had happened with my family.

'I am so fucking sorry.' he said, gripping his hands in his hair and pulling roughly. 'and I can't even look you in the eye to say it, because I feel too ashamed about it.'

I swallowed hard.

'And I'm so fucking thankful that even though I put you through all that, you somehow had the strength to look past all of that and come here to face your greatest tormenters to save me.'

He moved quickly then, catching me by surprise as he suddenly threw his arms around me, burying his face in the crook of the neck and my shoulder and holding on to me tightly.

I froze. Unsure what was going on.

Then I heard the sobs wrack his body. My heart broke for this man, no this boy... this vulnerable boy who had been absolutely put through hell with nothing but his past mistakes and biggests regrets to keep him company. It still didn't make anything he'd done to me any better, I still wasn't ready to forgive him yet. But to know Edward had this vulnerable side to him... well... it made him human.

My arms wrapped around him automatically and I held him tightly to me as he shuddered and trembled and cried. He kept apologizing and thanking me over and over as he cried in my arms. I held him tightly, soothing him, stroking his hair and head and back as I rocked us back and forth. I held him like I'd wished someone had held me when I'd been mistreated. So I held him tightly and silently cried with him.

EPOV

She held on to me tightly while I sobbed in her arms, I'd reached my breaking point it seemed. It was too much knowing how I'd treated her, how horrible I'd been to her after what she'd endured with those people for fifty years. I couldn't get it out of my mind and that was killing me even more.

She held me tightly and led me sob against her as she soothed me by rubbing my back, my hair, my neck.

'You need to give yourself some time, Edward.' She whispered after a long time. The sobs had quieted but my body was still quivering. 'Calm down and let yourself get back to strength.'

I nodded against her skin.

Mostly I just needed her, but I was too cowardly to try and ask for that now.

I had hurt her. I knew she had saved me, but that did not mean that she had forgiven me at all, that she cared about me even a little bit or that we have any hope of a future together. It was too early for that.

And my fragile psyche couldn't handle asking her that question right now anyway… could she ever forgive me? I would have to wait until I had an answer for that.

I gathered my strength and pushed away from her, keeping my gaze firmly on the ground between us, sure that if I gazed at her again, I'd break down again.

Her touch had calmed me, soothed me, and as I pulled away from her embrace I felt the chill seep back into my bones as if I was back in the darkness, torturing myself while the pain of Jane's gift still lingered in my limbs.

'Thank you.' I mumbled.

She gave a curt nod. 'Let's go find the others. We need to get to the states.' She said, getting to her feet.

I nodded. 'Alice will have chartered a plane by now.'

I clambered to my feet unsteadily. She regarded me for a moment, looking like she wanted to help steady me, but thinking the better of it.

I shook myself and made myself be steady. Though my legs still quivered slightly. She stepped away and started heading towards where my family had disappeared.
I trudged after her, stumbling a few times before my muscles finally started working properly again.

As we climbed the dunes we spotted my family not too far away waiting for us by two sleek black cars.

I wanted to roll my eyes at them. Why bother with the fancy cars? But then again, fancy meant fast. Alice must've seen that we would need speed.

Abruptly I was anxious again. Were the Volturi already behind us? Were we close enough for them to track us? I knew Dimitri was one of their best trackers. But I didn't know who else was after us. We'd have to ask Bella what to expect.

'How did you do it?' I asked as we walked towards my family.

she glanced at me. 'Do what?'

'Project. Jane was targeting everyone, but nothing worked. You managed two minutes on one person when I last saw you.' I explained, hoping it wouldn't come across as rude.

'When I heard Rosalie scream… Something inside me kind of snapped.' She said softly, wrapping her arms around herself. 'I flung out my shield and I realized I'd been holding myself back all this time. I'd never felt secure or safe enough to let my shield get out from me. I'd been subconsiucly holding it back myself. But hearing her scream, seeing everyone fight so hard, and knowing I could help… well it triggered something inside me and now it's as easy as breathing.' She confessed.

I staggered to a halt. 'You mean you shielded all of us, just like that? For the entire time?'

she nodded, stopping as well, but not looking at me. 'I only realized just now on the beach that I was still shielding everyone. It doesn't tire me. it just like another muscle.'

I gaped at her, unable to believe this. This was amazing. I had known she was a shield the moment I met her, but I never expected her to be this powerful. To protect six other people for at least an hour… that was amazing.

'You're amazing.' I breathed without thinking.

She looked away from me immediately. Clearly I'd made her uncomfortable.

'Yeah, well. It should give us a head start. Dimitri won't be able to track us very well if I keep us shielded.'

'Thank you, for doing this.' I muttered. she started walking again after nodding once.

we walked the short distance to my family. They smiled at me and I could hear the sorrow and worry in their thoughts. Emmett was glad I was on my own two feet again. Jasper was wincing as he felt the pain still raw in my mind.

'Sorry.' I muttered to him.

he shrugged. 'It's not your fault.' He said, putting his hand on my shoulder and sending me some calm. I breathed a sigh in relief.

'let's go.' Alice said, 'You and Bella can ride with Rosalie and Emmett.

I nodded numbly and moved to get in the driver's side.

Emmett stopped me.

'Don't think so, Eddie boy.' He said with a chuckle, quickly stepping up. 'You're not even walking straight. You're not driving.'

He grinned at me, and I grinned back, thankful for his teasing tone as he tried to lighten the mood of everyone around us.