AN Thanks to everyone still reading :)

and special thanks to greygirl2358 who rightly pointed out that I've been misspelling Sulpicia's name the past chapters.

So thanks for that and from now on I will be using the right spelling :D

Anyway here's the next chapter and as always let me know what you think!

Chapter 29 - Hang on there Alice, don't fall into the rabbithole

BPOV

We arrived quickly at the airport with the speeds that Emmett was driving. We parked the cars haphazardly and I quickly threw my shield over everyone again.

Alice herded us through the airport at a brisk human pace as she headed to the ticketcounter. It only took a few minutes and a I'm pretty sure a pretty hefty bribe before she was able to get eight tickets first class for a flight to Seattle.

'Jacob will meet us at the airport with a few cars, we can drive back to Forks and then start getting ready.' Carlisle said, as he got off the phone.

Then all eyes turned to me. I struggled not to squirm on the spot.

'Will you stay with us?' Carlisle asked point blank.

I blinked and stared at him.

'Any information we can get that can give us an edge is welcome.' Jasper added. 'You can be very useful against them. It might give us an edge.'

I bit my lip and looked away from their gazes. Silence stretched between us as I pondered whether I wanted to involve myself in this.

'She doesn't have to come with us, if she doesn't want to.' Edward said, turning to face his family. 'She's done enough.'

Emmett frowned as he looked at Edward. 'But she knows everything about them. She can help us.'

'She already did.' Esme said, smiling at me.

Edward nodded in agreement. Then he turned to me. 'Bella. If you want to go somewhere else, you're free to. We will protect you as best we're able even if you chose to go somewhere else.' He looked down at his feet. 'But we won't force you to do something you don't want to do. The choice is up to you.'

I stared at him.

I was still unsure. I wanted to be far away from coven politics on one hand. On the other, being coven mistress these past days had given me a sense of purpose, the Cullen family was kind, despite our rocky start… I had fit right in with them.

But I wasn't sure if I wanted to return to their coven.

I wasn't sure I was ready to really go against the volturi.

Sure, beating the living daylights out of Jane had been amazing and I'd been ready to rip Aro's head off. But we'd had the element of surprise on our side yesterday. I wasn't sure I could face up the entire Volturi army. I wasn't sure I wanted to put myself in that position.

'You don't have to answer right now.' Edward said, seeing my conflict and hesitance.

'Yes, dear.' Esme said placing her hand gently on my arm. 'Take the flight to mull it over. If you decide in Seattle to go your own way, we'd completely understand.'

I nodded my thanks but didn't say anything.

I lagged behind as we started making our way to the gate for our flight. Thankfully they all left me to my own thoughts. As we reached the gate the Cullens settled into the seats to wait.

I stood near the window and watched as the planes taxied along the tarmac. In the reflection I could see the Cullens dutifully keeping up the human pretense. Rosalie was flicking through a gossip magazine, Alice was cuddled up close to Jasper and speaking quietly with him. He was holding her tightly against him and every now and then kissing her forehead. Emmett was browsing the shops just a little ways away from the gate. Esme and Carlisle were going over a travel brochure by the looks of it. And Edward…

Edward was struggling.

He had his head in his hands and he kept shaking it every few minutes to dispel his thoughts. I saw Jasper glancing at him every now and again with a slight frown on his face.

His hands curled into fists in his hair as he stared at the ground near his feet.

I swallowed hard. Everything in me was screaming at me to go to him and comfort him, to help him through this like I'd wished someone had helped me. I knew what he was going through, at least to some extend. I knew I could help him. I knew he desperately wanted me around. I had felt it when he'd sobbed in my arms, he'd clung to me tightly, afraid I'd disappear if he'd let go.

I bit my lip, trying to decide whether I wanted to go to him or not, and whether I should, when Carlisle and Esme sat down on either side of him.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

He had support. He didn't need me.

Carlisle put his hand on Edward's shoulder and squeezed supportively, Esme stroked his hair soothingly.

I jumped when a shadow fell over me. It was Emmett. I turned to look at him. He glanced over at Edward before looking back at me. Then he nodded his head to the shops.

I nodded.

He turned around and started towards the shops. I followed.

When we were a ways away he stopped walking and turned towards me.

'Let's get a coffee.' He suggested. I raised my brow at him. he shrugged with a grin on his face.

We picked a coffeeshop and he ordered two coffees. Then we sat down at one of the little tables.

'Thank you for coming to save him.' Emmett started.

I nodded once. 'You don't have to keep thanking me.' I muttered.

He shrugged. 'I want to.' Then he took a deep breath. 'He's… fuck… they broke him, didn't they?' Emmett asked, his eyes filled with worry as he looked up at me.

I sighed. I could sugarcoat it for him, but what good would that do? So I just gave a curt nod. 'It's what they do.' I muttered.

'What… What would they have done to him?' he seemed to steel himself for the answer.

'I don't think…' I started, but Emmett held up his hand.

'I need to know.' He said firmly. 'Edward is… he's very closed off. He doesn't trust people easily and he definitely does not like sharing how he feels. If I don't know what happened, at least to some extend, we can't help him. He'll keep everything inside and just let it fester until he self destructs. I can't… I can't lose my brother like that.' Emmett said shuddering slightly.

I looked at him for a moment then nodded in agreement. It was rough to have to go through something like this alone. If what Emmett was saying was true, then it would definintely be only a matter of time before the Edward they knew and loved would wither away and disappear. I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face.

'It won't have been pretty. Jane's gift is pure torture. You heard that.'

He nodded once, his face grim.

'But what Alec can do… Alec takes away your senses, leaving only your mind. You have no sense of time. You don't know where you are or what's happening to you. It brings out all your fears, worries, mistakes…'

Emmett groaned. 'So he tortured himself as well?'

I nodded once. 'And then you have Aro.' I sighed. 'He's a master manipulator. He will say and do anything to get you to bend to his will. Mindgames are his forte. When Alec deprived him of his senses, Aro probably read his thoughts and got a good look at what he fears most or any other weaknesses. They would have brought those up when he was reprieved. Taunting him, baiting him, pushing him right to the edge before using Jane on him. Then Alec would be sent in again and everything Aro would have said would be on his mind for what would feel like days… months… perhaps even years.'

Emmett's face had become stony by now. 'Anything else?' he asked through clenched teeth.

'Felix likes to beat things, as does Santiago. But I don't think they would have done that. I think Aro had enough to manipulate and torture him with without much physical violence.'

He nodded as he seemed to mull things over. Then he buried his face in his hands. 'Fuck.' He mumbled, sighing heavily before letting his hands drop and looking at me. 'How did you survive that for half a century?'

I looked way from his gaze. 'I didn't. They broke me. You saw me when I first came to you. I was broken.'

'But you survived. You learned to live again.' He countered. 'You're incredibly strong.'

'I wanted to live.' I confessed. 'And for the first time I have something to live for.'

He glanced up sharply. 'What?'

'Friendship.' I said smiling slightly. 'Angela at first, then Rosalie, you, Jasper. And Jacob and Quil and Embry.' I said with a smile. 'I learned how to live again with your help. And Jasper gave me some confidence.' I added as an afterthought.

Emmett gave a dry chuckle. Then he turned serious again. 'I know you've already done a lot for us. Without you we never could have gotten Edward back, so thank you. but can you please, please come back to Forks with us?'

I sucked in a shaky breath.

'I know you're on the fence about everything, and I get that. I don't want to pressure you or influence you in any way. But I know that we need your help. You're the only one who knows the Volturi inside out. You can help us put a stop to their tyranny. I know Edward is ready to rip them to shreds, but I'm afraid he will charge in blindly. His only object will be revenge.'

'I don't think he's the person to just throw caution to the wind and endanger his coven.' I countered, crossing my arms over my chest.

Emmett shook his head thoughtfully. 'No. Perhaps not. But if Aro can manipulate him, he might do it again when on the battlefield.'

I sighed. 'I'll… I'll think about it Emmett… that's all I can give you right now.'

Emmett nodded once then he picked up our coffee cups an threw them in the trash. We headed back to the gate again just as they were calling our plane to board.

Edward was looking a little bit better as we made our way on board. I glanced at the boarding pass I had been given by Alice and searched for my seat. It was a window seat and I wasted no time in pulling the shutters up and glancing outside. There were eight of us, so I knew I was going to have someone next to me, I just wasn't sure who it was.

As the others filed in I sighed in resignation as Edward stopped next to my row.

'Do you mind?' he asked in a low voice. I hesitated for a moment. 'I can ask one of the others…' he trailed off awkwardly.

I sighed and shook my head. 'It's fine. Sit down.'

He gave me a small smile and sat down in the seat. He immediately sat back and closed his eyes, his brow furrowed and he seemed incredibly tense.

I glanced across the aisle and caught emmett's eye. He glanced at Edward and was frowning heavily. Edward's eyes snapped open and he scowled at Emmett. Emmett shrugged and then turned in his seat towards Rose.

Jasper's head popped up from in front of him. 'Calm down, Edward.' He said in a low voice. 'It's alright.'

Edward glanced at him and nodded once, settling back in his seat again and closing his eyes tightly again.

Jasper sighed heavily and continued to look at Eward for a while, concern clear on his face. 'I'm fine.' Edward growled.

Jasper snorted. 'Yeah, you radiate fine.'

'Fuck off.' Edward snapped.

Jasper sighed and disappeared again, settling back into his own seat.

Edward continued to sit tensely beside me. During take off he didn't move a muscle and when the stewardess had told him to put on his seatbelt he simply moved his hands and snapped it in place without acknowledging her further or opening his eyes. I tried to ignore him, but as the flight continued his posture seemed to worsen. His face contorted into heavy frowns, his mouth turned down at the corners. His hands were clenched into fists against his side as he crossed his arms. He was clearly battling himself.

'Edward.' I said finally, putting my hand on his arm.

His eyes snapped open and he shuddered for a moment, before his eyes found mine and he relaxed slightly.

'It's alright.' I assured him.

'I'm sorry.' he whispered and I saw the anguish in his eyes. We might have gotten him out, but it seemed hew as doing a fine job of continuing the torture.

'Edward.' I started again. 'You need to stop this.'

He closed his eyes, unable to look at me anymore.

'I know they got in your head. I know what Aro can do. Trust me, I do. But you have to be stronger. You can't let them win. They manipulate and lie. I don't know what they told you or what you went through exactly, but I know you are strong enough to overcome it. But the only way to do that is to fight it.'

He opened his eyes slowly. 'I don't think I can.' He whispered, his voice breaking slightly.

'If I can, anyone can.'

He gave a humourless laugh at that. 'You don't see yourself very clearly, you know.' Edward mumbled. 'You're the strongest person I've ever met. You're a force to be reckoned with and I think no one else would have been able to live through what you have.'

I looked down at my hands. 'I was broken by them.' I admitted softly. His gaze snapped to mine. 'The first ten years of my new life… I was content I guess you could call it. I was upset he'd taken me away from my family, but he promised me things… grand things. He praised me, called me beautiful, talented, amazing…' I laughed humourlessly. 'I was his obsession. And he made sure that I felt as if there was no greater pleasure in this world than pleasing him.'

Edward supressed a shudder.

'When I couldn't progress with my gift the tables turned. What had been lovely encouragements became viscious put downs. Suddenly I was weak, a plain jane who should be so lucky to be chosen by him to bestow attention on, a nobody who couldn't even get her shield to work properly. He made me work harder and harder to please him and everytime I failed he made sure that I knew how much I had disappointed him.'

I took a deep breath to steady myself. I didn't especially like telling this story. Angela knew some of it, but that was about it. I had never really gotten into it, the things that Aro had put me through. It hurt to think about and although I was slowly learning my strengths and getting better, I knew It was something that I still had to carry with me and battle every day.

'Then he got mean. My progress was non existent and he called me useless and pointless and a waste of venom. He said if I was this pathetic at being a vampire, that he wasn't going to treat me as one. I was starved, beaten, locked up and treated like dirt. And all the while I felt like I deserved it all, because he had been so adamant that if I had just progressed in my gift I could have had it all. He could have given it all to me. My self worth was manipulated and destroyed. If I had given in then, I wouldn't have survived. If I had given in to the darkness I would have been dragged under and become a shell. My mother… I don't remember everything about her, but I do remember she was a lady ahead of her time and she was fierce. And she told me all my life, that I could do anything I wanted to do. That I should let no one stop me. So I bore it. I bore the abuse. I bore the humiliation and pain and putdowns. I endured it, but I didn't let it drag me down.

When I was sold to you, I was at the end of my willpower, it gets to you after a while you see. Fighting it is hard, especially when you have no safe haven to turn to. I was so scared to go to you, because I was certain I would be in for a fresh round of horribleness. And I wasn't sure if I would survive it this time. But then I came to you and you provided me with a safe haven. Rosalie and Angela… Jasper's little gift of confidence…'

I took a deep breath and took one of his hands in mine. 'What I'm trying to tell you is that you have a safe haven. Your family. They're here to help you, to support you and to give you the help you need to get through this. But they can't do it for you. If you continue like you have, you're going to fall deeper into the rabbithole and no one will be able to save you.'

His eyes bored into mine and I could see the pain there.

'Whatever it is they said, whatever you endured… you need to fight it. You need to talk about it and fight the pull into the darkness. Because if you give in to it, if you dwell on it, Aro will have won.'

Edward shuddered violently and then took a shuddering breath. Before I knew what was happening for the second time in as many days, I was cradeling the sobbing form of Edward Cullen, feared and ruthless coven master.

I sighed and stroked his hair and shoulder comfortingly.

'Thank you.' he whispered against my shoulder.

I nodded once. I was a little uncomfortable knowing his entire family had heard my story as well, it wasn't something I particularly enjoyed having people know. It was a private part of me that I was a bit ashamed of. It made me insecure and unhappy to think about, but I knew that Edward needed to hear it. I knew he was going the wrong way and I knew his family was worried about him.

They needed him. They needed him to pull though this and be strong enough to lead. They needed him to lead the Cullen coven against the Volturi in the war that was sure to come to us.

And I…. I needed his help to kill Aro.