AN Thanks to everyone still reading :)

Hope you're still enjoying.

Anyway here's the next chapter, both POVs this time!

As always let me know what you think.

Chapter 30 - Stay sane...

EPOV

My mind reeled as she sat back in her seat, but kept her hand in mine and squeezed it once.

Anger burned through me as she'd explained everything that she'd been through, yet pride swelled in my heart how strong she was, truly. She'd soothed me, let me sob in her arms twice now. She was kind and helping me through this, while I'd put her through absolute hell. She was amazing, kind and everything I didn't deserve.

The poor girl Esme thought. The entire family had heard her story. I was sure that fact made Bella slightly uncomfortable, yet she'd not hesitated in telling me everything.

I hope this will pull him through it Emmett thought.

I can't tell… God this sucks. Alice was trying to see into the future, trying to see if Bella was staying with us to help against the Volturi or not. And, to my dismay, trying to see wether I would survive this or not.

If she stays she'll pull him through… Jasper mused. If she goes… I'm not sure I want to find out.

I suppressed a sigh. I knew my family was worried about me. I guess they had every reason to as well. I could feel myself slipping and I was sure if I continued slipping I'd never get back up again. Bella was right about that. I needed to fight this.

But I wasn't sure if I was strong enough.

Her small hand in mine seemed to help though.

The simple touch grounded me. Her soft hand felt firm and real. And I focussed on that feeling.

I focussed on her.

On her scent. The soft sound of her breathing. The whispers of the fabric of her jeans brushing against the seat as she shifted.

I focussed on all of it until my mind was filled with nothing but her.

She continued to gaze out the window while her hand stayed in mine and I was thankful for the gesture. She knew I needed her comfort and support. She knew it from her own experience.

My family wanted to help me, I knew as much, but they were unsure how. Yet here Bella was, doing it effortlessly because she knew what I needed.

Because she'd lived through it. God. She'd lived through all of that for far longer and that made me so angry. It made me want to kill Aro.

Kill him for her. For doing that to her, for having her endure all of that on her own, with no one to support her.

I steeled myself. Although I had made so many mistakes with her... so many that my mind was trying to bring me down because of it, I knew that I could finally be there for her like she derserved. She deserved stability, a life of her own. And she deserved comfort and love. I could give that to her.

I wouldn't be so arrogant as to think she'd find it in my arms. Definitely not.

I knew we had a long way to go before I could even think about that. I wasn't even sure if she could ever forgive me.

But I could and would make damn sure that she had everything she wanted and never had to feel alone or unloved ever again. I would make sure of it.

I kept my mind focussed on her, her smells and sounds, as I set my mind to the task of envisioning the future that Bella deserved and how I could achieve that for her.

With that to occupy my mind, and her hand firmly lodged in mine, I made it through the flight without sinking further down in the darkness.

As the plane touched down I breathed a sigh of relief. I had made it. But the moment the plane touched down, Bella removed her hand from mine.

Immediately, trepidation filled me. My mind circled and darkened and I felt myself spiralling downward again, quicker than I had been doing. I grit my teeth against it, trying to keep my focus on her. But I couldn't find the positives anymore, only the worrisome.

Was this the part where she would say goodbye? Would she leave me now? Was this flight a fluke? Was she working herself up to tell me to take a hike for everything I had put her through?

I feared she would leave. After all, wouldn't I do the same in her position? I selfishly wanted her to stay with us, that she would choose to stay to help us fight, but also that she would help me… She was the only one that knew what I was going through. I needed her. I wanted her…

God, I was pathetic.

The doors to the aircraft opened and we rose and walked off after grabbing our stuff. We trailed slowly through the airport, Emmett and Jasper up front, Rosalie and Alice at the back. Esme walked beside me and Carlisle was beside Bella.

I felt like I was caged in. I knew they were protecting me. They were keeping an eye out for anything suspicious. But there was nothing suspicious here.

Then I stopped. And blinked in confusion. The rest of the family stopped as well.

I glanced around. I could hear my family, their thoughts jumped out at me with their familiair voices. I could hear them clear as day. But… I couldn't hear anyone else. In a crowded airport like this I'd normally be bombarded with hundreds of voices filling up my mind… but now… only six.

I frowned. My family did too.

'What's wrong?' Jasper asked, his voice low as he looked around the hall suspiscouly.

'I can't… hear them.' I muttered. Then I glanced down at Bella.

'Oh sorry.' she said, biting her lip. 'I should have told you. I'm shielding you.'

Carlisle's eyebrows shot up in surprise. 'All of us?'

Bella nodded. 'Yes. Dimitri is the Volturi's best tracker, but his ability is mental. I figured if I shielded us the entire way here we'd at least have an advantage over them.'

Esme smiled at her... more like beamed. She seemed extremely proud of Bella. I couldn't deny that I felt similarly.

She'd been actively shielding us for the past 12 hours, which didn't seem to have tired or fazed her at all and she'd done it without being prompted or asked to. That meant she had wanted to protect us herself.

'Thank you.' Carlisle said honestly.

'Let's go to the cars. Jacob is waiting outside.' Alice said, noticing Bella was getting uncomfortable being put on the spot like this.

I nodded and we started walking again.

'Aren't you tired at all?' I asked Bella in a low voice.

She shook her head. 'I told you I figured out how my shield worked.'

I grinned at her. 'I guess you did.'

She shrugged. 'I figured I'd give it a try to see how long I could keep it up. Seems it doesn't matter. I can keep it in place quite easily.'

'Thank you.'

She shrugged and waved my thanks away.

We stepped outside into the parking bay and quickly spotted Jacob's tall form leaning against one of the phantoms.

'You better get your ass off that car.' I growled at him, stepping forward threateningly.

Emmett snorted and Jasper shook his head. I guess he's getting better He mused.

Jacob however only cocked an eyebrow at me before rubbing his ass across the hood on purpose.

I rolled my eyes at him. He mimicked the gesture, but included another far more crude one.

'Hiya Bells.' He called out as we stopped next to him.

'Hi Jake.' She said smiling up at him. Then he swooped in and took her into his arms. He swung her around in a small circle as she laughed and hugged him back.

'I missed you.' he declared.

I clenched my jaw and looked away. They were friends. I knew that.

I had practically forced her into his arms with my abhorrent behaviour. I just hoped it was purely a platonic friendship and nothing else… but as I looked at Jacob I was afraid it might be more than that.

I closed my eyes and tried to block that thought.

I had no right to be jealous. Bella was a free woman. She was free to chose what she wanted to do. She was free to chose a new life, even if that was with Jacob Black. Still, I didn't have to like it. Nor see it, preferably.

Jasper put his hand on my shoulder and calm spread through me. I hadn't realized I was getting that worked up over everything.

Jacob finally released Bella and set her unsteadily on her feet again.

'Are you coming with us?' Jacob asked her point blank.

We all shifted a bit uncomfortably on our feet. We hadn't wanted to push her for an answer yet. But we were all desperate for her to come with us.

She bit her lip and I looked away, knowing what was coming next. She was going to leave. Despair ripped through me and I struggled to breathe for a moment. Jasper shuddered next to me before his hand moved to my neck and he clamped down on it, forcing calm into my body. I struggled to accept it, the pain rocking through me was intense, as was the fear what would happen when her soothing presence left my side.

I was sure the images that had tortured my mind would return. I wasn't sure how to fight it off without her with me.

Bella glanced at me from the corner of her eye and I saw her mouth turn down slightly. Then she sighed and nodded once.

'Yes. I'm coming with you.'

Relief flooded through me and Jasper squeezed my neck supportively. But the relief only lasted a moment. I'd guilted her into staying. She was only staying because she was worried I was spiralling out of control.
Fuck.

I couldn't let her put her new life on hold because of me and my pathetic struggles. 'Bella.' I said in a stern voice. 'You don't have to.'

She turned around to look at me. Her eyes sized me up before they seemed to bore into my very soul.

'Are you trying to tell me what to do?' she asked, her tone warning.

I swallowed hard. I heard Emmett snicker behind me. You're in trouble now!

'No!' I insisted. 'No. I just… I don't want you to do something you feel you have to… something you'd regret.'

'I told you before Edward. I won't let anyone decide things for me ever again. If I say I'm doing something, it's my own damn choice. Now shut up and get in the car.' She ordered sternly.

My mouth dropped open. As did everyone else's.

Jacob was the first to laugh.

'Goddamn Cullen!' he brought out. 'I think you're in for a rude awakening!'

'Fuck off.' I spat at him.

Then I trudged over to the first car and slid in the backseat. I crossed my arms over my chest and sulked as I waited for the rest to pick a car.

I knew Bella wouldn't get in mine. But that was okay. She was going with us. She'd actually ordered me around. I couldn't believe it. I definitely had liked it though and hoped she'd stick around to do it more often.

BPOV

Fuck.

Me and my big mouth. When had I learned to do that?

I watched as Edward trudged over to the car and got in like a sullen child. I felt a little guilty for ordering him around like that. But then again. I was his coven mistress. It was about damn time I started acting like one and demand he treat me like one as well.

I walked over to the other car and got in on the passenger side. The rest of the family quickly followed, chosing their cars and getting in.

Jacob joined my car, slipping into the drivers seat as he grinned at me.

'That was amazing. Please, please, stick around and do that a lot.'

'Do what?' I asked, feigning ignorance.

'Completely and utterly trample all over Mr dickward over there.' He jutted his thumb at the other car.

I crossed my arms over my chest and rolled my eyes. 'Okay enough with the testosterone fuelled posturing okay? I'm not in the mood. I'm here for a while and I made it very clear to him that he's going to respect me this time around. So yeah… that's all that was. Just a reminder of that promise.'

Jacob looked at me for a moment. Then he shrugged. 'Things are sure to be a lot more interesting now you're back again.'

'I don't know if I'll stay long.' I said, looking away from him.

'Why not?' he cried out.

'I don't belong here, Jake.' I said. 'I don't think this coven is the place for me.'

He scoffed. 'It's the perfect place for you.' he said firmly. 'You fit right in with the rest of us. You're kind and strong and you care about doing the right thing.'

'He's right, Bella.' Rosalie piped up from the backseat. I looked over my shoulder to see Rosalie and Emmett in the backseat with us. I knew some of the family had joined us in the car, but I hadn't bothered to check who.

'I've said it before and I'll say it again. You're our coven mistress.' Emmett added.

'I didn't earn that title, Emmett.'

'I think you did back in Volterra.' He argued back.

'Okay, you have got to tell me what happened there. Last I heard you were facing your doom.' Jacob interjected.

'You'll get the play by play along with the rest of the coven at the meeting tonight.' Rosalie said dismissively.

Jacob growled at her and she stuck out her tongue in response.

'Volterra was a fluke, Emmett.' I responded as if Jacob hadn't spoken. 'Just a necessity because I knew my way around.'

'No, it wasn't Bella.' Rosalie said. 'You took on the role of coven mistress. One of your own was in trouble and you did everything in your power to save them. While protecting the others.'

'That sounds like a coven mistress to me.' Emmett gloated.

'You had to give me that title for the sake of appearances. I know Edward doesn't want me to have it.'

Rosalie rolled her eyes. 'Bella. He wants you to have everything. You could ask him for the moon and that idiot would probably buy you a rocket so you could go there.'

I rolled my eyes at her. She rolled them right back at me.

'Please just believe us when we say that we are absolutely happy to have you as our coven mistress and you have a home with us. Always.'