Divine Comedy (27)

Jane

I didn't want to tell Seth that just because I couldn't sleep didn't mean that I had a smooth night. When I went out to the balcony, I paced back and forth—the equivalent to a human tossing and turning in their sleep, I supposed. The small space of the balcony started to make me feel trapped, like an animal in a cage, so when I made sure no one was looking, I scaled nimbly down the hotel building to take a walk.

I shoved my hands into my pockets and hunched my shoulders, with no particular place in mind. I wandered aimlessly through the streets. Suddenly, in a burst of clarity, Rosalie's voice emerged from my well of memories:

"If you ever need anything—if you want support, if you want to vent—feel free to reach out."

I found a stone bench to sit on, and I pulled out my phone to call Rosalie. She picked up after a few rings.

"Hello? How are you, Jane? Everything okay in Japan?"

"No, not really," I admitted.

Rosalie's voice softened with concern. "What's wrong?"

I went on to tell her about what had happened between me and Seth tonight. She listened without interrupting, and when I stopped, her immediate response was "Oh, Jane, I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

"I'm not mad at Seth," I was quick to say. "I could tell that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me. It's just..." I wrapped an arm around myself and glared down at the concrete. "I hate how my body reacted that way. I hate that my mind jumped back more than a thousand years to that day."

I could hear Rosalie's sympathy and compassion loud and clear from across the world. "That's a completely natural reaction. You're still haunted and hurting after all these years. I know how you feel. I had the same reaction when Emmett and I started to grow closer, and we wanted to be more intimate. That part of our relationship was rough and rocky, not going to lie. Emmett was trying his damn hardest to be gentle, but I couldn't help thinking back to the day my ex-fiancee had nearly killed me. I flinched away from him, I almost had a panic attack. It was an instinct I couldn't help feeling, and I hated how that got in the way between how much we wanted to get closer. I blamed myself, just like you did." Her voice hardened. "But Jane, I want you to know that none of what you're feeling is your fault."

Hearing about her experience made me feel validated and not so alone. "Thank you, Rosalie." Then I said, "Clearly you and Emmett are much happier now, and very comfortable around each other. How did you get to that point?"

She paused for a moment. "The best advice I have for you comes from how it worked for me and Emmett, and Esme and Carlisle: give yourself and the relationship time. This isn't something that'll be magically cured overnight, so don't force the process. Be aware of what you're comfortable with, and what you're not. Set some boundaries and make sure that Seth understands. If he doesn't, well, that's his problem. But knowing him, I'm sure he'll understand. He's one of the sweetest, kindest boys I've ever met, and I've met a lot of guys in my life. He's a real gem. You're very lucky, Jane."

I smiled. "I know. And thank you again for all your help."

"Of course, anytime."

After hanging up, I headed back for the hotel and the floor we stayed on. I was about to slide open the balcony door when I heard muffled crying from behind it. Poor Seth...from the sound of it, he must be hating himself as much as I had been hating myself. My heart broke for him. When morning came, I slipped into the room quietly and waited for him to wake up. By that time, I was ready to forgive him and put that night behind us, so we could look forward to the next day.

Since it had been my choice to visit Sensō-ji in Asakusa, it was Seth's turn to pick the next sightseeing spot.

"Let's check out the Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden," he suggested. "Looks like a great place for a romantic stroll."

Fortunately for me, the morning was overcast. I could walk through the garden without drawing attention. Technically speaking, with the collapse of the Volturi, there was no longer any authority prohibiting my kind from exposing ourselves to sunlight. Still, old habits died hard. I was in no mood to draw stares, especially in a country where it was frowned upon to stand out.

At the garden entrance, I took Seth's hand and he smiled at my touch. I had grown used to the heat from his skin. Unlike my pale, smooth hand, his hand was tanned and calloused. The roughness of it, no doubt, was from loping through the forest as a wolf.

With the summer season, cherry blossoms in late bloom formed a swath of all shades of pink as far as my eyes could see. Along the lakes were trees and shrubs of other vibrant colors—verdant green, white like powder snow, even fiery red—bright and stunning even with clouds obscuring the sun.

Out of my family, my mother had appreciated trees and flowers the most. The sight of this garden would have brought a tear to her eye.

As we began our walk into the garden, I edged closer to Seth and wound my arm around his. He smiled down at me and squeezed my hand. "I read that there are some cafes and teahouses if we go deeper inside. You don't mind if we swing by for a drink or a snack?"

"Of course not." Then I added an amused remark: "I forget how often you humans need to eat and drink." The pig blood curds I had for dinner last night would last me for at least a week.

He shrugged. "You might think it's a hassle, but I think it's awesome. I had yakult this morning with breakfast, and I think I'll get some tea next. Maybe for dinner I'll have ramune. And that's just for drinks. I'll have to think about what to eat next, and I love thinking about food. I like having so much variety in one day. So many choices, so little time!"

I still couldn't relate. Only one kind of food appealed to my palate, so I was missing out on enjoying the diversity in taste. Still, Seth's enthusiasm was infectious. It probably wasn't his intention, but he made me a bit envious that I was unable to consume anything besides blood.

We were in no rush to get anywhere. We took our sweet time around a lake, and would stop every so often to take pictures of treetops, lotus pads, and cranes. I used this garden stroll to "perfect the art of taking selfies," Seth called it. We took many pictures together, with our heads leaning in to touch and eyes crinkling from wide smiles.

"Mom's gonna love these," he said as he worked on sending them over to her. "She's thrilled that I finally have a girlfriend."

"Even a vampire girlfriend?"

"She's gonna get a vampire daughter in-law soon," he replied. "She and Bella's dad are engaged. So vampire girlfriend isn't a stretch for her."

"That's reassuring to hear."

We stopped by one of the two teahouses in the garden so that Seth could get his brew of steaming tea. He took slow, appreciative sips from the porcelain cup while, from our seats facing the windows, I took in the view of outside. Cranes were abundant here. Either they were stalking the edges of lakes to hunt for fish, or spreading their wings to preen them. For all my training with Goro, there hadn't been cranes in the highest points of Iya Valley. One of my favorite fighting styles was inspired by this bird, so when I could see it for myself, I had to admire their poise and grace.

"You're sure you can't have even just one sip?" Seth asked next to me.

I shook my head. "It's only going to sit in my stomach, with nowhere to go but back up. I would have to cough it up later, like I have to with anything that isn't blood."

His face fell. "That's too bad. This tea is knock-your-socks-off good." Then he said, "You seem to really like those cranes, by the way. You picked up bird-watching in Japan?"

"No, but I did pick up white crane style kung fu."

His eyes widened. "Whoa. You gotta show me your moves sometime!"

I hoped that I wouldn't have to put them to use anytime soon. A selfish part of me wanted to enjoy my time with Seth. So far things were going smoothly, and he had been great company.

Seth tipped back his head to finish the last of his tea. "I came over so I could protect you, in case Luka ever came here instead of Forks, but from the sound of things, you might not need me, after all." Seth didn't sound disappointed, but proud of me.

"If it ever comes down to a fight, we can fight together," I said.

No longer would I be the helpless little girl from that time when the Romanians had attacked. At the face of the enemy, I could stand beside Seth instead of behind him, on equal footing. At the moment, though, I was content with us simply being together, sitting side by side in this Japanese teahouse.

We completed our round through the garden, holding hands the whole way through, then Seth said, "Okay, your turn to pick a place before we meet up with Kimi's family for lunch. Got anything in mind?"

As a matter of fact, I did, ever since we had brought up training and fighting. "I would like to see the Japanese Sword Museum in Sumida."

"Sweet. Let's go check out some swords!"

Shinjuku and Sumida were on opposite sides of Tokyo. The Samurai Museum in Shinjuku was much closer, but I wanted a place that was smaller, quieter, and less touristy. The admission fee to the Samurai Museum was also steep. Being taught by Goro to earn my own money made me careful with spending.

We took a train to arrive at the sword museum: a building that looked unassuming in its small size and plain gray walls. The fact that it existed solely to preserve and display ancient blades, however, was enough to draw me in from the other side of Tokyo. I wondered if Goro had been to the museum before. He might even be one of the anonymous donors. I entertained the possibility.

Inside the museum, swords in all manners of lengths and hilts were presented on draped white cloth. I leaned in as much as the glass could allow me, inspecting the blades with a slow, careful scan of my gaze. The museum, in its prim atmosphere and austerity of the exhibits, compelled me and Seth to keep our conversation subdued, in whispers.

"What are you looking for?" he asked.

"I'm trying to see if any of these swords have jinrō in them."

"You think this place might actually have those kinds of swords here? Werewolf swords sound pretty dangerous."

"Indeed." My fingers flitted over my belly, over the claw wound from Caius. If a single claw could inflict that much damage, I almost cringed at the thought of being impaled by a full-fledged sword. "That is why Goro's training truly pushes me and Alec to our limits. He wants us to really know what we're doing."

Even in a quiet place like this, Seth found some fun in it. He liked to inspect the information cards for the dates, so he could compare the swords to me in a little game of what's older and what's younger.

"Most of these swords were made after you were born," he said. "You're so old, babe."

I elbowed him in the ribs at his teasing remark. "Those swords are from the feudal era, when samurai were in their prime."

"Did Goro use to be one?"

"Actually no. He's been keeping to himself as a fisherman."

Seth raised his dark eyebrows. "Oh. I thought he'd totally be the samurai type."

"I thought so, too. I was just as surprised as you."

Out of all the swords in the museum, only a handful beat me in age. Those few came from the Kofun period, when Goro was born. None of the swords were made from jinrō, though I supposed I should have expected that. If a vampire couldn't take down a jinrō in single combat, then certainly no human could hope to take down one and use its claws and fangs for weapons. Goro kept his sword-making techniques a closely guarded secret. Even I didn't know what they were yet.

"How can you tell that none of these swords here are werewolf swords?" Seth asked.

"If there was one, I'd feel it," I replied. "I'd get a chill through my body, but it's no mere human shiver. It's a chill down to the bone, even colder than the touch of our kind, if that makes sense."

"I can't imagine what could be colder even than you." Seth shivered. "That must be really cold, then."

I nodded grimly. "It's not a feeling I enjoy." And that was just from the presence of a piece of jinrō. To meet one in the flesh involved that deer-in-headlights sensation, a brief but total paralyzing fear that would seize my body. Such was the reaction one would have with a natural enemy, and my kind didn't have many enemies at all. I've had a few encounters with jinrō before, when I'd been with the Volturi and Caius had led the mission to eradicate them from Japan. Back then, the gift I possessed had been my shield that protected me from my fear. Now, without that gift, could I still defend myself?

Though this museum kept no jinrō blades, and I couldn't react negatively to the cold the way a human would, something crept up my spine. I thought that visiting a museum dedicated solely to swords would stir up excitement at wielding one someday. Instead, like a creeping mist, like the mist Alec once had, dread settled into the pit of my stomach.

Jinrō were extremely difficult to kill. Caius was almost killed by one, and that had scarred him for life, enough for him to go on a rampaging genocidal vendetta against them. Even with all my training, could I still stand a chance against one of them?

Seth

Toward the end of our self-paced tour through the sword museum, I noticed that Jane didn't look well. But vampires didn't get sick, so I guess "unsettled" was the better word for it.

Must be from the talk of werewolves. Maybe she was remembering the torture in Volterra, or maybe her memories went further back, to the time when the Volturi went on a werewolf-killing spree in Japan. I didn't pry.

Instead I squeezed her hand and said, "Wanna get out of here early? It's kind of a long train ride to Shinjuku, anyway, but we'll be back in time for lunch."

Jane seemed to jerk back to the present day, and she looked up at me with relief. "Yes, I'd like that. I look forward to seeing Kimi's family again."

After meeting up with the Parkers back at their place, we left together to have a picnic at Ueno Park.

I couldn't help staring at the smallest Parker kid in his mom's arms. "I don't mean to be rude, but is it a good idea to take Koji out in a time like this?"

Kimi had mentioned last time that her little brother was born early with heart problems.

"Your concern's understandable," Erika replied. "Believe me, I was worried out of my mind, too. I'm a nurse at a children's hospital. But his doctors actually told me that it's good to get him out of the house when we can for fresh air. Adults and children with congenital heart defects have a lower risk of contracting the virus, believe it or not."

"I learn something new every day." I smiled down at the baby. "He does look pretty happy that we're having lunch outside."

For all the non-vamps, Erika had packed lunch in bento boxes—chicken teriyaki, lettuce, boiled egg, and rice with a sprinkle of furikake. Lot of yumminess crammed into a cute little box.

As for the park around us...I thought that the Gyoen National Garden in Shinjuku had plenty of cherry blossoms, but here in Ueno they were everywhere. I had never seen so much pink in my life. My neck started to hurt from leaning back and snapping so many pictures. We sat under just one out of hundreds of sakura trees, enjoying lunch under a canopy of pink petals.

"We even have a word for that," Kimi told me. "It's hanami."

"I gotta write that down," I said, and for that purpose, I had bought an adorable palm-sized Pokemon notebook from one of the stores in Ikebukuro. I loved words in other languages that didn't exist in English, or single words in other languages that would've taken a bunch of English words to explain. One of my favorites was schadenfreude: German for "taking pleasure at someone's misfortune." I also liked gluggaveður, or window-weather: Icelandic for "weather that looks nice from inside, but isn't actually nice to be in." I added hanami, Japanese for "enjoying the ephemeral beauty of flowers," as my latest entry.

"Ueno Park is the best place for hanami," Roland said. "That's why we like to come here. The kids also like Ueno because the zoo and the Tokyo National Museum are right around the corner."

With Jane here, though, the kids turned all their fascination and attention on her, as if she was her own exhibit for being a living relic of the past. Kimi and Kenta bombarded her with all sorts of questions about what it was like to be a vampire, and what it had been like to live in medieval England. She answered all their questions patiently and without looking annoyed. No way would we be in this situation if the Volturi was still around. Jane's former coven was all about keeping secrets. Now she didn't have to hold anything back, and I could see on her face the mix of feeling strange and relieved at that.

Before I knew it, the kids shifted the spotlight on me, the wolf. I guessed that made me the zoo animal as much as Jane was like a museum exhibit. Kimi and Kenta took turns, bouncing off questions like a ball in a tennis match.

"Can you turn into other kinds of animals?"

"Does anyone else in your family turn into a wolf?"

"Can you understand normal wolves if you run into them?"

"If you die in your wolf body, do you stay as a wolf or turn back into a human?"

Then, after their questions, the last one was a question wrapped up in a plea: "Can we watch you turn into a wolf?"

I threw up my hands. "Whoa, right here, right now? Not the best idea, guys. It's like Jane not wanting to be under the sun. I don't want to scare everybody."

"You're not going to scare us," Kenta insisted.

I smiled and shook my head. "Sorry, no can do. Besides, if I phase right here, I'll ruin this sweet new shirt I just got." I glanced down at the limited edition graphic tee of my favorite anime, which I definitely didn't want to shred.

Kimi and Kenta swallowed down their disappointment along with the last bites of their rice. I had to smile at their pouts. "One day Jane and I could show you the cool stuff we can do, but I hope that day doesn't come. We try not to stick out unless if we have to defend ourselves."

"Seth is right," Jane said. "Many of our superhuman functions are for self-preservation. We prefer keeping a low profile in this world full of humans." She stared down at the checkered picnic blanket. "I've seen firsthand how acceptance and understanding doesn't come easily to many of them."

"You don't have to worry about my family," Kimi said, and gave both of us a welcoming smile. "You're our family, Jane, and you're our friend, Seth. You don't have to hide who you are around us."

Jane met her eyes and said warmly, "That's true. I'm very grateful for that."

When we finished lunch, Kenta wanted to run around and play frisbee at the clearing nearby. Roland and I got up to join him. Jane stayed behind with Kimi, Erika, and Koji. They were talking too softly for me to overhear, but I saw Erika pass along Koji to let Jane hold him. Just as with the little girl who fell at Sol Park, Jane had that maternal fondness soften up her face as she cradled Koji in her arms. That must've been what she looked like when she had Connor all those years ago. It was the closest glimpse I could get to that part of her past.

Later in the evening, the family wanted to head back to that temple in Asakusa.

"Yesterday was D-day," Roland said, "and I like marking that day to honor my great-grandfather and grandfather who died fighting in World War II. We were going to pay our respects at Sensō-ji when we ran into you two."

"Pardon our intrusion," Jane replied.

Erika chuckled. "No need to apologize. Imagine our surprise when we go to a temple to honor ancestors and we end up meeting one. That's something that doesn't happen every day."

"While we're at it, let's go pay our respects to Jane's parents and son, too."

Kimi's bright suggestion seemed to move Jane. "That would be lovely."

While Kenta had taken a break from frisbee, Jane had told us about her near-death experience, about meeting her departed family before Alec and I had brought her back. Jane's father was a knight, her son grew up to become a soldier, two of her descendants fought Nazis...she belonged to a long line of noble fighters. She must have stuck with Goro's tough training for that reason. For a long time, no thanks to the Volturi, she had wandered down the wrong path, but now she was striving to reclaim her place in the family.

As she joined the Parkers in going through the motions—washing hands, clasping incense sticks, and praying before an altar—I stood back glowing with admiration for her. She may not have a werewolf sword yet, but I knew she was already worthy to wield one someday. Jane was going to be one hell of a warrior. Knowing from my own place with the wolves of La Push, I knew she'd fight like hell to protect her own pack.