The Viper Pit: 90% snake boob discussion, 10% writing. www.*discord.*gg / PBFpc4g

Chapter 21

Stars and High Places

[Thursday, March 29th, 2040. 9:09 PM. Anthony Ramirez.]

It felt awkward standing there, on the streets in Renova with the cars streaming by. The air was still warm as the towers sheltered the streets, concrete and asphalt still emanating energy from the sun. That, or it was the sheer thermal energy from the billboards so bright it rivalled the sun. Renova Heights was known for being a demonstration of future cities across the world. Transport was efficient, modern. Even nature was incorporated with planted trees and tamed vines. But on the entertainment block, every leaf might as well be a light.

My clean sneakers were a comfortable change from used hiking boots. I skimmed across the traffic, looking for another bus. She's late. But not "past thirty minutes I'm starting to think you abandoned me" late, more like "you missed a bus" late. At least I hope she missed a bus.

I spotted another one of the blocky vehicles moseying its way down its designated lane. It has to be this one. It rolled up to the bus stop, and I left my leaning spot on the rain enclosure to peer through the vehicle's large windows. The people inside were more animated than the average commuter, most talking in groups with their friends. It made it easy to spot the loner among them.

I smiled, and Sella flashed a smile back. I wasn't the only one looking for someone. People filed out, still in their conversations until finally she emerged. So far I've only seen her in comfy sweatshirts, cotton sleeves and a pouch proudly displayed on the front with drawstrings hanging uselessly down.

But what I saw was beyond expectation. Tonight, she wore a viper's designer jacket, the parted zipper proudly displaying a black tank top. Apart from her shoulders and front pockets, the dark blue polyester was accented with a hexagonal pattern in a lighter tone. And below all of that, she was actually wearing a skirt. Was it a skirt? More like a tube. She still wore her harness, but at this point was a part of her charm. She was highlighted by the neons behind her, a splash of purple light by her right hip, blues crowning around the left edge of her hood. Her scales, her form playing with the light was... beautiful.

Everything, from her outfit to the environment, accommodated her.

"Wow. You… you look great." Any measure of restraint was out the window as I approached her with my hands out in amazement.

She just folded her arms. "You look pretty good too." She was more silent in her appreciation, but I could see it in her wandering eyes.

Proud hands gestured toward myself. "Big step up from HQ's closet?"

She squinted her eyes with a joking smile. "Eh, not much better."

I fired back a smiling glare. "Hey, ouch. Never seen you wear a skirt before."

"Technically, this is a snegging." She informed me, arms crossed.

"Alright, alright." I leaned on the back foot. A snegging? "Clearly you know your stuff. Don't get used to it, you're about to enter my territory."

"Your territory?" We began moving down the street, the fashionista by my side. "Psh, I'm in the zone. Bring it on."

As cocky as ever. "Guess I won't hold your hand when we get there."

"Don't need it, won't need it." She snarked, our height level. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her brow lower. "Where are we going, anyways?"

"Oh, no worries Sella. That would spoil the surprise." I teased.

"Come on. Terminal just smirked when I asked for directions, what is it?"

There was a better question in her question. "You couldn't squeeze the info out of Terminal? You?"

She rolled her eyes, her hands in her jacket pockets. "She kept her mouth shut. For once. What is it?"

I just grinned, her squirming endlessly funny. "I thought you were in the zone. Relax, you'll be fine."

She kept her eyes dead forward, unamused. "Enjoy it while it lasts, Ramirez. Enjoy it while it lasts."

"Oh, I will." My grin grew wider, and in the corner of my eye I saw a scaly smile.

[Thursday, March 29th, 2040. 9:14 PM. Torque.]

I was completely out of my comfort zone. My jacket felt cold, too thin and stiff. I literally bought it two hours ago. And this layer of plastic around my tail? I kinda liked it, but it was still weird. And all for the human walking next to me. It felt right to be level with him, he earned it in a way. Plus I got to see his face better at this height.

At least my efforts to look good weren't in vain. Ramirez sported an unzipped zippered jacket of his own, black with a few supporting seams and buttons bringing attention to the shoulders and chest. Underneath that he wore a red tee with some abstract, rectangular pattern printed in white. And he wasn't wearing the ubiquitous bipedal leg covering, jeans, either. It was baggy and black, made out of some natural fabric. And was I supposed to focus on his feet? His shoes shined brighter than most of his clothes, but still kept in line with the color scheme.

My eyes crawled away from his feet, up his leg and stopped right at the middle of him. His torso looked nice. The way he moved, his hips bobbing up and down with his stomach swiveling in unison...

"Hey, I'm up here." I zoomed up to see his astonished gaze, but his face had a mile wide smile.

"Oh, haha, right..." I beamed back at him and tried to hide the embarrassment clawing its way onto my face. Don't creep on him, what's wrong with you? Maybe it's just the sureness of his walk. Yeah, the confidence. Seeing him switch from nervous uncertainty to thinly veiled confidence was always fun to watch. But right now, I didn't really see the awkwardness. He seemed genuinely assured of himself. He carried it in the way he walked, and it was… attractive.

A hand pointed forward. "You see that?"

Up ahead was a gigantic holoboard, jutting off the side of a building displaying "Starlight" in a sharp and angular font. The blue letters rained down from off screen to form the title. Beneath that was a line of people of all shapes trying to get in, squished between the busy street and the building the venue resided in.

"Oh yeah. Hard to miss." I winced.

Ramirez beckoned with his hand. "Well come on, let's get in line."

His pace quickened and so did mine, my tail slithering on the clean concrete of Renova. I couldn't help but smile as I followed behind him, our area to maneuver decreasing. My heart was fueled by his excitement, my mind anxiously awaiting whatever was inside the building. It looked like a club of some kind. There was a line and everything, complete with ropes cordoning off sections. But what kind of club was the question I was mostly focused on.

We stopped at the back of the queue, my tail sensing the concrete thrum rhythmically. We were pretty far, maybe twenty parties away from the entrance. My view was unusually blocked by multiple viper hoods. In fact, the line itself was diverse. Sectoids stood tall, mutons couldn't fit side by side between the ropes and my kin occupied a lot of ground with their tails. The humans that were in line definitely weren't the xenophobic type, thankfully. I didn't want to be an object to gawk at tonight.

So, there's a diverse crowd and a line. I crossed out a couple of guesses from Ramirez's potential date location list. The posters on the side of the building didn't help. They just proudly displayed "Starlight" above a picture of a member of each race dancing, in similar attire. So that's what I got so far, dancing. I could even hear something fast-paced and electronic behind the wall. I kept glancing at Ramirez, and he still had his stupid excited grin.

"And you've never been here before?" I glanced over at him, while we shuffled forward in the line.

"I haven't, but that's not the only reason why I'm excited." He nodded, with a small glance toward mine.

"What's the other reason then?" I tilted my head.

He shrugged with a humble grin. "Well, I get to hang out with you."

Warmth stirred in my chest. I rolled my eyes, but appreciation tugged at the corners of my mouth anyways.

The line's idle chatter stopped, allowing tires on asphalt to become the dominant sound. The squeaking of an open door pierced through. Sharing the same simple uniform, a large human and viper emerged from the entrance. They began moving down the line, and one by one they greeted each viper, opened a section of rope and let them pass the line along with their party.

"So really, seriously. What kind of club is this?" I nudged Ramirez.

"Hold on, they're doing pick-ups." He kept his eyes on the staff.

"Pick ups?"

He left me hanging as they made their way down to us, all smiles as they parted the rope. Ramirez insisted I went first, and I gave the viper a half smile and she returned a full one. I could feel envious eyes behind us as we reached the large front doors. A uniformed sectoid with crossed arms eyed us questioningly, but a scanner on top of the frame flashed our faces with blue and reported nothing. He shrugged and nodded to let us know we could go in.

Renova felt cramped, even with the wide streets. Towering skyscrapers formed canyons out of glass and concrete. Somehow in here, inside of a building, it felt more spacious. The ceiling stretched high and hung, well, an entire galaxy above our head. Millions of tiny points of light emulated the night sky in a way more beautiful than I could imagine. Filaments of stars weaved and winded across the upper space, creating a starscape that had texture and depth.

Beneath the astounding holographic display was the club itself. In the center was the dance floor, large enough to fit what looked like a hundred people. They all bobbed up and down according to the beat that now roared down on us. It was the current most popular song sung by the current most popular viper, singing about how liberating her current life is by imbibing herself with all of the fanciful new products brought by humanity's materialistic return. I've heard it a thousand dreadful times around HQ, but thankfully this version was remixed and made it less monotonous to listen to. The glow of the stars above clashed with strobe lights and lasers shining from a central booth behind the floor.

I came to my senses and saw Ramirez taking it in for himself. I slithered in front of his gaze. "You brought me to a dance club."

He nodded hastily. "Yeah! It's great isn't it."

I almost looked over my shoulder to view the stars again. "No. How the hell am I supposed to dance. I don't have legs."

"Looks like they're doing fine." He pointed over my shoulder toward the floor, vipers moving their tails and jostling their hoods amongst the rest of the varied crowd.

I scoffed. "And my arm. I'm injured, numbskull. And you, what about your back? Your head?"

"I took a bunch of painkillers. C'mon it'll be fine. Arms aren't required for dancing. You still have another one anyways." He walked past me and started moving for the floor, making way through observers on the outskirts.

My fist held shut as I followed him. He stopped short of the floor, and I had to shout over the music. "Ramirez, I don't know how to dance."

He stopped his observation of the mass of dancers and turned to face me, still keeping a smug smile. "Hey, that's perfectly okay. No one learns how to dance. Kinda."

I just stared back at him in disbelief. He rolled his eyes, but when he returned his attention I saw a little worry. "Okay, there's a little learning but once you get the basics it's an art. Besides, people don't judge. You dance for yourself."

I just nodded slowly. "Yeah, I'll be honest. I expected a café, restaurant or something… not this."

His posture lost some enthusiasm before he cocked a questioning, unsure smile. "Why didn't you say anything outside?"

I hooked my hands together, fingers rubbing each other. "I don't know. Just it's so… overwhelming?"

He shrunk in as he glanced back at the crowd. "Alright. There's a lounge over there, and there's a… bar." He had a forlorn gaze for the floor.

A little guilt pricked my heart. He's really excited for this.

"I mean… can we just watch, for now?" I ended on a hopeful tone.

He regained some height, but hasn't returned in full. "Sure." He nodded, and scanned the club. "Let's lean on the railing?" He threw his thumb over his shoulder, off to the side of the dance floor with people making small talk.

I nodded, slowly accepting an inevitability. "Sounds good."

[Thursday, March 29th, 2040. 9:21 PM. Anthony Ramirez.]

I hung over the railing, staring at all the commotion on the floor. The previous bursting excitement in my chest subsided, but it was still there. I felt like I was going out again; watching for wandering stares, quick glances and turning heads to find the next girl I was going to chat with. The occasional crass remark from Coltier, a nudge from Hennings. The excitement from that headspace was there. But now, it was entirely focused on the girl beside me.

I knew a little bit about her but I wanted to know more. What kind of hobbies does she have? What can we do together? I envisioned her face, smiling, laughing, having a good time with me. If she didn't know how to dance I could teach her out there. Just let go, look stupid, whatever. As long as it's with her.

I let go of the fantasy and looked to my side. She seemed focused on the floor. I mean, how was I supposed to dance with her? She's kinda right, she has a tail. She's a viper.

A viper.

I could feel the excitement in my chest turn into anxiety. My hand ran through my hair, trying to fix the strands over and over that were already fine. I mean fuck, Ramirez you're really doing this. You're committing to a viper.

Finally I heard something from her. "Sorry I'm not out there, I'm just so…"

"Scared?"

She nodded. "Yeah, scared."

I racked my brain for why. "I'm telling ya, you don't have to be good. I mean look at that guy."

She looked concerned as a drunk in the mob fell to his knees, arms flailing to a particularly hard drop to the song. "Oookay, Ramirez I'm not that bad."

Some of the anxiety left with a chuckle. "Yeah, yeah I doubt that. Prove it then."

Sella didn't respond as she kept her anxious eyes on the floor. Occasionally they looked up, visiting the swirling stars above before ducking down again.

Another barrage of lights as the colors changed from cools to warms. The last song ended, but only to build into the next track. Heads turned toward the DJ booth with glee as they recognized the song, encouraging hands in the air. Screw it. I came here to dance, I'm going to dance.

"Watch this." I jumped on the bottom rung of the railing and hopped my way over, few people taking notice. My feet were officially on the floor, and all of the flashing lights and holograms and stars were meant for me.

I began to roll with the sound. Arms bouncing, hips moving and knees loose. It was just a stationary bounce, keeping my limbs close and hands near my chest. Sella's eyebrows rose, mouth slightly open. I happily showed her my smile.

"What are you waiting for? Come try it." I smiled. C'mon, you can do it. Take the shot.

She huffed, arms loosening from her chest as her tongue tasted the air. A coil of tail crawled up one side of the railing and fell over the other, and skillfully she came with it. My heart pounded, my eyes on her.

She stood there awkwardly with her hand out, by her side, like she was unsure of her tail's grip on the floor. I would have never guessed this fiery tactical operator would be so shut in.

"Three things. Legs, hips, arms. You want to flow through the motions according to the beat. Watch my hips." I waited to go on beat and exaggerated my sideways movement. My eyes closed to focus, but when I opened them back up I saw Sella in awe again. Mouth open, eyes staring. Downward. There's no way she's ogling me right now. Nope, she is.

I barely held back a laugh. "See? It's all about the beat. You can do a count if you want."

She looked back up, no shame or realization. "Like this?"

She threw out a section of tail, no follow-up, no emotion. Gravity immediately took it to the ground, like a tossed rope. I tried not to wince, but my body betrayed me. Just be encouraging. "Uh… try to move your whole body with it."

Disappointment washed over her face, and discouragement seeped into her voice. "This is stupid. I'll just watch from the side, and…"

I stopped dancing and rushed toward her. She perked up, my hand finding a place to rest on her arm. My voice belted out some encouragement. "Don't worry about it, you're thinking too hard."

"But Anthony-"

"Seriously. All you need to do is let go and your body will do the rest."

She looked down in shame, but her gaze found its way back to me. "Are you sure?"

"I'm absolutely sure. I'm here with you, right now, and I wanna dance. Don't analyze and don't think. Trust me."

I held onto her with my voice. Her eyes quickly flicked left and right, scanning everything she had. And with my voice holding on, so did my breath.

She closed her eyes and reached over to unattach her harness.

"Woah. What are you doing?" I asked with immediate worry.

She hung the fabric device on the railing, brought both her arms over and placed her hands on top of my shoulders. And in that moment, I could feel her breath, her green eyes on mine.

"Not thinking."

My amazed stare turned into a grin. I felt her moving below, her tail whipping back and forth, her torso moving with it. She let go of me and I fell back.

I've seen the other vipers dance, but Sella had a hidden and complete understanding of rhythm and movement. Her tail was a wave, her torso the crest and her arms the froth of water breaking off the top. The liquidity of her motion didn't technically match the song, but hit every note at the exact same time. Belly dancing? Ballet? Whatever it was her body formed an ocean: sparkling, beautiful… alluring.

She stopped, frozen with the song, arms over her hood in a pose. Her eyes fired a question, and I responded in kind. I slid to her, finding my rhythm in each step. She waited patiently for my arrival with her arms outstretched in the air.

I reached up and gently caressed her upper arms, and slowly brought them down to me. She watched as I glided my hands toward hers.

"I thought you said you wouldn't hold my hand."

My hand gripped hers, filling up my palm with smooth, scaled fingers.

"I thought you said you didn't need it."

Her thumb slowly rubbed my skin. "I lied."

[Thursday, March 29th, 2040. Night. Torque.]

I was focused without a single thought present in my mind. Song blended into song, beat into beat as I discovered what I could do with my body. I could feel the waves of motion as they coursed through me, sense the way the music guided me and flow with every twist and turn without knowing what would come next.

I don't think I could have done it without the human in front of me. Whenever my mind strayed I zoned in on him. He was a much more experienced dancer, his movements tighter even with the extra sophistication. Ramirez was the post I moored myself to while I set myself free. Despite our differences in style, I could count on him to give me something to work off of, to follow. It was helpful that his looks sent my mind on a little self indulgent high. As time passed, the distance between us closed. We breathed the same air, we shared the same glances. I wanted to get closer to him. He glistened from exertion, and my mind wondered how my scales would move against his skin. His clothes stuck to his body, his medium build making an appearance through his clothes. A deeper part of me wondered how he would feel inside my coils, our bodies locked together. He wasn't lithe, he was perfectly normal with a little extra. The way he moved himself was mesmerizing.

Finally there was no space left. A song ended. We ended body to body. Feeling him sent pleasure across my length. Our noses together, foreheads together, eyes on eachother. We panted in unison, our heat mixing together somewhere between us.

His pupils wavered slightly, eyelids stuck open. My heart throbbed for more than just exercise. I knew what he wanted, he knew what I wanted.

But I stopped.

The world of sound around me froze. The only thing I could hear was a voice.

"So, why did you bring me over to talk? You can tell me."

"I…"

"Sella, it's okay. I'm here for you."

I felt her hand.

"I really like you, Lissa. There I said it. I've been wanting to tell you for so long, I want to touch you, I feel happier around you, there's things I want to do that I know the Elders would not approve of and..."

"Shh shh shh. Hey. It's okay…"

She embraced me.

"You need to know something… Let me show you how I feel."

I felt her tongue.

I unglued our bodies, but his hands remained on my arms. I wasn't sure what to say. The sound of breathing filled my ears as my eyes tried to discern something in his. We both glanced away, gazes pretending there was something else to think about.

"You want some water?" I asked first.

"Yeah uh, yeah. Good idea." At first he looked down, away from me, distant. But he quickly recovered and ended with a faulty smile. He's disappointed, but okay. We're okay. We still like each other, we just need a quick break between all the dancing. Yeah, a break.

We're okay.

We maneuvered our way off the dance floor toward the bar. My slithering tail was exhausted now, taking larger, slower winds forward. A tail that should be dancing. Should be enjoying the night. The music's punchy beats and trills dampened as we approached. We tried to move next to each other, but the crowd of clubbers made it difficult.

Finally we made it to the enclosure. The area was themed the same as the rest of the place, smaller holograms emulating planets with incredible detail in the rafters. One moment we would be underneath the stormy clouds of Jupiter or the featureless, but wispy winds of Neptune with a few stony moons passing by. Ramirez plopped himself on a stool and I tried to do the same, the cushion somewhat conformal but thankfully its supporting leg was easy to wrap around.

"What can I get for you two?" A bartender waltzed up from behind the counter, quickly grabbing a glass from under the counter in preparation. I glanced at Ramirez, but had to hold back a giggle as I realized we shared the same resting pose, our chins supported both palms. I could hear him try to hold back too. Attempting to end the stupid joke, I spoke up first.

"We need some water."

"The coldest. Got it. Looks like you two need it." She retrieved another glass and turned toward the taps.

I looked over toward the human. We kept sharing awkward looks, awkward smiles. We both knew what we wanted to talk about. It was about who'd ask first.

I just need to pretend I'm fine.

"So, water. Do humans have to constantly drink it? It looks like you just went for a swim."

He smirked back, deciding to continue the charade. "Yeah, that's kinda how we work. As a viper I'm surprised you haven't yourself cooked inside out."

"What do you mean?" I asked, some exhaustion in my tone.

"You were hot to the touch out there. Like, uncomfortably hot, but I figured it was just a viper thing." He tapped fingers against his cheek.

I wrapped my fingers around my arm. Yeah, I was warm. "That's what the hood's for." I pointed upward at my flared hood, circulating more blood than usual.

He nodded with satisfaction and looked back to the counter. The bartender placed quenching glasses of water down onto coasters, the condensation making an enticing offer. I reached for my glass and downed it. While my head was up in the air, I had time to look around while Ramirez drank.

The venue was already diverse. But in the bar I finally noticed the overabundance of vipers. Many different shades of scale criss-crossed the floor, along with many different outfits to match. Most of them were with someone, either in a group with their friends or alone with another species. I could even spy a few sitting further down the bar, completely alone with their eyes perusing the taps.

"You notice how many vipers there are?" I asked Ramirez, my eyes still observing. I heard his glass thud on the coaster, but another voice cut through.

"It's Friday sweetheart. He didn't tell you?" The bartender returned with a confused smile on her face as she picked up my empty glass.

I raised an eyebrow, and so did she. She continued to explain. "It's viper night..?"

I swished my head toward Ramirez to glare. "Did you know about this?"

He sat up straight and tried to make an innocent face, like a child trying to cover up a mistake. "Mmm yeah, I did."

"And you didn't tell me?"

His hands went out to explain. "I was looking up places to go and this place came up. At first I was going to bring you to one of my picks but I figured, hey, maybe this place would work better."

He returned to the counter to stare at his water. I felt my hood perk up. "So first it's breakfast, and now this?"

"Breakfast?" He was baffled.

I crossed my arms and placed them on the counter. My shoulder stung a little, the soreness making its return as I recovered. "I don't know." My eyes traced the little imperfections on the counter top, the scratches and stubborn stains.

He didn't question further, but I could feel his eyes on me, patiently giving me his attention. I breathed out. "I'm just not used to… this."

"You're not used to what?" He was quieter now.

"Someone who considers me like this." The words fell out.

He breathed in, tapping his fingers on the glass. "And I'm not used to… considering people, I guess." a hand moved to the back of his head and his cheeks turned a rosy red. "Not in this way at least."

Somehow I found myself smiling. "The girls before me must have had a great time."

He let out a nervous laugh, and his cheeks grew warmer. "I uh… I didn't feel the same way for them as I do for you."

Our eyes locked briefly once again. What we couldn't say with words we could glean with our looks.

Ramirez looked sideways and hesitated. "Do you want to go somewhere quieter?"

"Yes." I confirmed a little too fast.

He noticed, but didn't mind. "Alright let's go. I have an idea."

I got off the counter to follow him, and the sudden weight of my arm on my shoulder embedded pain above the bone. I grabbed my arm in response, and Anthony noticed. "You okay?"

"Hah, yeah. Let's go get my harness first."

[Thursday, March 29th, 2040. 10:30 PM. Anthony Ramirez.]

I sat next to Sella, both of us enjoying the view from the flat roof of Starlight. The building straddled the edge of the river between Riverside and Renova Heights. Sixteenth Street Bridge arched across the Allegheny, its mirror image reflecting off of the ripples below. The air whipped by, chilling now that the sun set. But I didn't mind. It felt nice to be on top of the world.

Then why am I so nervous?

It wasn't about myself. I wasn't worried I wouldn't impress her, or that she wouldn't be interested in me. I felt confident that she is. But I was worried about her. She's distanced herself from me since the dance floor.

"Hey, you okay?" Her gaze was occupied by the view, but I could tell her thoughts were consumed by something else.

Her eyes stayed forward. "Yeah. Just uh, surprised the fire alarm didn't go off."

I reached out with a smile. "Well yeah like I said, they just put the warning there to scare people off."

"Apparently." She zipped up her jacket before wrapping her arm around herself, shielding her from the breeze. She looked cold.

"Do you want my jacket?"

She looked over to find out what I meant, quickly realizing. "Oh. No thanks, I'm fine."

My arm was already out of one sleeve. "You look cold. I'm from Michigan, I can take it."

"And I'm from Siberia." She smirked.

My other arm froze in its sleeve. "You're from Siberia?"

"It's… a long story." She flicked the zipper of her jacket.

Perfect. Something she can share with me. "We have all the time in the world." I cast my arm to the skyline, placing my jacket in my lap.

She exhaled and leaned over herself. "No we don't."

We don't? No, she's just closed up again. The jacket felt useless on my thighs. I deflated, regrouping with my arms together.

Honesty and consideration. I just need to be honest and considerate.

"What do you mean?"

She just shook her head. "Nothing. I'm just… I shouldn't feel like this." She put her forehead into her hand.

My anxiety intensified. "Did I say something I shouldn't have? I didn't mean to…"

"No no Ramirez, I guess I don't… I don't do partying and dancing." She glanced to the side to avoid my gaze.

It felt like an excuse, but I could play along. "That's fine. We can go to my place. I can get a movie and we can just... chill on the couch. Finally finish the pop you got me."

"No, no it's not…" She just rubbed her head further, ignoring my offer. "It's not your fault. I'm just having a hard time."

"With what?" I pried further, my voice gentle.

She sucked in air, still refusing to look at me. Her head tilted upwards toward the sky. I could see something churn inside of her, something trying to crawl its way out as Sella did her best to contain it. In her eye I could see a tiny, dull reflection of the moon.

"Lissa."

Lissa.

Any excitement I had sunk into nothing within me. I tried to figure out how she reappeared in Sella's mind. And when. What did I do to remind her?

Sella retreated from the moon and looked down. My hand gingerly reached out and caressed her good shoulder. I scooted closer, only a hand's width away to comfort her.

I could feel her now. She shuddered slightly, just enough to detect through her clothes.

"I'm scared Anthony."

"I…" I mean, what could I say?

I looked into her eyes. They weren't on me, but I could still see her. Everything Sella was to me. The spirit that can't be held back, the kindness hidden behind a wall of fear. Her thoughtfulness, her wittiness… all of that contained within her.

And I imagined losing that.

"I'm scared too, Sella."

The space between our sides closed, and she wrapped her arm around me. She dipped her head against my shoulder, the back of her hood grazing my cheek. Her warmth was sudden and unexpected. I froze and my heart leapt, but I tried to calm down, just letting my thumb on her back comfort her.

"Why are you scared?" Her voice began to waver.

I just stared out at the city as the viper hugged me below. Her new voice caused a cascade inside of me, forcing my own voice to quiver.

"I'm afraid I'm going to lose you."

I leaned into her. We embraced each other, my head resting against her hood while she rested against my chest. A happiness welled up in me, but it felt dulled. Muted.

"If you're afraid, then I'm terrified." Her arm wrapped tighter around me, her claws poking into my back.

We twisted so our torsos could meet, our bodies fully pressed together. Her arm tightened further, and so did mine, trying as hard as I could to squeeze her into me, to keep her next to me. It just reminded me how the last two times were different, and how happy I felt. Whatever this was wasn't happiness. My arms held on.

I could feel her loosen, her body slowly putting in less effort. It didn't take long until she was just a slight press into my side. Her claws didn't hurt me anymore.

"I'm sorry I have to… I have to do this." She tried to keep her normal voice.

"Do what?"

She pulled back, bringing me face to face with her, an arm on my shoulder. Her eyes glistened, like a forest weathering a storm.

"Ramirez. I need to…"

A drop of rain left the corner of her eye.

"I'm not ready for a relationship right now."

What?

"Why not?"

Her body pulled away completely, her arms in her own lap. "I can't let go. Isn't that why you took me here? So you could see if I could just forget? The dancing, the music… you told me to let go."

I held my breath. That's… "I wanted to have fun with you, Sella. That's why I brought you here."

She scoffed with a teary smile. "Yeah. The only time we've ever had fun was when you were too drunk to stay awake and I was too drunk to remember."

"What about the boat? You told me… I accepted you there. You accepted me."

"Sure, you can accept someone for who they are. People have done that for me my entire life. But to love them? To actually care about them at their worst? Maybe you can accept that I willfully complied with the old hegemony, maybe you can accept that I've killed people. But you're never going to be able to live with me. Not when I'm like this."

I felt my fingers wring in. "You… you don't know that. You've barely given me a chance to prove myself. You are the first woman I've ever felt this way to. You are so witty, so intelligent… so rebellious. Every part about you drives me crazy and I'm not stupid enough to lose you."

"Anthony, look at me. I want you to think long and hard. Do you think you can deal with me waking you up, every night with a scream? Do you think you can handle it when you're having a bad day and I break you with a badly timed insult?"

I felt my breath hasten, my pulse quicken. "It's… we can work on it. Everything takes time."

She took a deep breath.

"Do you think you can stay with me when we make love, and the only thing I can think about is her?"

I gulped down on nothing. I backed up, my hands behind me.

Her glistening eyes stared into mine, and all I could see was pain. I could feel my hands trembling at my sides. Part of me wanted to be angry. Get mad. She just threw away days of bonding, hours of hard work that I put into our relationship because I wanted her. And she reciprocated back, right? She enjoyed me as much as I enjoyed her. Or was this all because we were technically friends? Becoming lovers was too much?

I just stared back at her, and let all of my doubts attack me.

I wiped away some moisture in the corner of my eye and looked toward the view, and clasped my hands together. "How much time do you need?" The trembling spread to my voice.

She stood up. "I need time to think."