SN: Here it is, the first chapter of a short collaboration between WritingSux and I. We both decided we needed a quick break from our complex stories until our brains wanted to write again. So be patient as our other updates are slow to come, trust me, you will thank us for this. Each of us are writing a character's POV, ya'll will probably guess who is who...but eh, its all fun. The ooooooOOOOooo signifies pov change

And on that, enjoy A Series of Unfortunate Dates!

Blind dates.

Blind dates in my book are worse than any zombie outbreak, the four horsemen of the apocalypse falling out of the sky and casting humanities final judgment upon the planet. Blind dates are worse than root canals, yearly pap smears and I would much rather have both done at the same time, then go on a blind date.

Yet, here I was sitting across from my best friend in my office, staring at her like she had just shit in my coffee cup, listening to her tell me the details of the blind date I would be going on this Saturday night.

"Bo, seriously, this is going to be amazing! This girl Tony knows, she's totally hot. He even showed me a picture of her, and you're going to love her!" Roxie waved her hands around, "She owns her own business, is smart like a doctor and funny." She grinned at me, waggling her eyebrows.

I sighed heavily, dropping the pencil in in my hands to the desk, moving the new project I started and Roxie had interrupted, out of the way, "Roxie, you know I don't do blind dates or even normal dates. I have given up on dating in general." Crossing my legs, I stared out on to the cityscape view provided by the windows of my fortieth floor office. "I don't even know Tony, I never met him, and how could he possibly know my tastes in women or men?"

Roxie set the stack of files in her hand on to her lap, "You met Tony at my birthday last year. He asked you out and I do remember you telling him you only dated women." She squinted at me, "And this whole last month you have been crabbing about never finding a pearl in the sea of bodies."

I furrowed my brow, "I am pretty sure I would never say something like that." I reached for the pewter model of a B-17 perched at the edge of my desk. Filling my hands as I wanted to focus on anything other than my love life, or lack of.

"No, you didn't. Bo McCorrigan is more likely to say something meaner and less romantic." Roxie winked at me as I scowled, "Anyways, Tony and I had drinks last week and he has a friend who has given up and I have a friend who has given up, two negatives make a positive." She ripped off a piece of memo pad, scribbling away in blue ink, "This is the time, the place and what your date will be wearing."

I squinted again at her scribbles, "No name?"

She shook her head, smirking, "Nope, Tony and I thought it would be far more intriguing if we did the whole shebang of blind dates." Roxie tapped the piece of paper before tossing it at me, "Your date will be wearing a Guns and Roses t-shirt and she will be looking for the foxy brunette in the ratty ass Madonna Who's that Girl tour, shirt."

I opened my mouth in awe, "That shirt is one of my most prized possessions!" I peered at the address of the blind date, groaning when I saw what it was and why my date and I were wearing vintage t-shirts. "Imperial? The hipster bar slash distillery slash taco joint slash hipster hangout?" I gave my best friend a dirty look, "I hate hipsters, and you know this." I pointed at her with the tail end of the B-17, "You do know this? Right? Please tell me that you and Tony didn't set me up with a hipster?"

Roxie winked, shrugging at me, "Guess you will have to find out." She twirled on her heels and headed out of my office, shouting over her shoulder, "Live a little and get laid a lot, Bo! Times a ticking and you're definitely not getting any younger."

I slammed the B-17 down on the top of the desk, groaning and crumpling the paper in my hands.

A pap smear root canal combo was sounding better and better.

Saturday-

My jaw clenched on its own as I stood in a sea of hipsters milling on the street outside of Imperial. One glance inside the bar and I felt my jaw clench to the point it should have seized up. The bar was packed with people, and ninety percent of them were hipsters.

I glanced at my Madonna t-shirt, unzipping the leather jacket so the front of it could be easily spotted by my date, and then sucked in a breath and entered the busy bar. Getting smiles and nods from bearded boys and girls in large black framed glasses. I smiled back, I didn't necessarily hate the people indulging in the hipster ways, I just hated that as a thirty three year old, I felt old and out of place around hipsters. Kids who weren't even born or alive long enough to truly understand the things they now called vintage.

I rolled my eyes, maybe I was getting old and crotchety with every day I was alone. Work was my only constant companion since I moved to New York for the promotion, leaving one relationship behind since it lacked the spark I craved deep down. I ran my sweaty palms down the front of my fitted dark jeans, scanning the crowd for a tall blonde in a Guns and Roses t-shirt. I spotted two blondes in a Nirvana shirt, one blonde in a Radiohead shirt and then an almost blonde with crazy dark roots wearing a Pet Shop Boys shirt, but no Guns and Roses.

Pushing through the crowd at the bar, I moved to the back open air patio where the crowd was much thinner and I could easily scan without issuing apologies or throwing out polite I'm not interested smiles. Just as I was about to call it a night and turn back, my eye caught a tall blonde standing at the edge of the patio, looking out on the Hudson River and the impressive view it offered. She turned ever so slightly, looking back at the door I walked through, the Guns and Roses logo blazing across her chest.

I took the opportunity of still being in the shadows to look over my blind date. She was gorgeous, beautiful and elegant. Her long blonde hair was down; hiding what I could tell was a long neck that connected with an incredible jaw line that had me unconsciously biting my bottom lip. My eyes traveled the rest of the way, taking in the very in shape body she carried, leaving me to take guesses that she was either a runner or a swimmer, both agreeable sports in my mind. Either way, my blind date was hot, gorgeous and taking a step closer to her, she could even fall into the stunning category.

I grew nervous out of nowhere the longer I stared at the woman, building the final courage up as her eyes swung my way and landed on Madonna's face perched on top of my chest. The blondes face broke into a sheepish grin, her head tilting down at the drink in her hands. I smiled, tugging on the edges of my jacket and made my way over to my date.

Grinning, I stopped in front of the blonde, waving my hand at the front of her shirt, "You must be my date, Guns and Roses?"

The blonde nodded at my shirt, "And you must be mine, Madonna." She smirked in a way that started to put this blind date one slot above root canal. She held out her hand, "Hi, my name is Lauren, Tony's friend."

I took her hand, grinning more at how firm her handshake was, "I'm Bo, Roxie's friend."

Lauren laughed, rolling her eyes, "Ah yes, Roxie. She's quiet vivacious." Lauren stared at me for a second, I could tell her eyes wanted to roam over my tight jeans and even tighter Madonna t-shirt, but she only went as far as my lips before returning to eye contact. "Um, the hostess said five more minutes for a table, would like a drink?" She held up a small rocks tumbler halfway filled with a deep brown liquid, I could smell the whiskey from where she was, telling me it was one of the expensive hipster brands that lined the lighted mirrors back at the interior bar.

I sighed, mildly hating when people bought the sales pitch at these places. The staff suggesting local, oak aged, hand distilled, blah blah blah, whiskey that was four times the price of the tried and true boys named Jack, Jim and Jameson. I had a minute sinking feeling and chased it away by smiling, "Yea, sure, I could go for a cocktail."

Lauren smiled, pointing to the side bar, "That bar isn't as crowded."

I let her lead me to the side bar where a bearded man, who looked like he belonged in the forests of Manitoba and not a bar in Manhattan, greeted us. "Hey ladies, what can I get you tonight?"

I smiled genially, "I think I will have a Vodka and cranberry to start." I glanced at Lauren, "How about you?"

She shook her head, holding up her half full glass, "Still nursing the first one." I turned back to the bearded one as he asked if I wanted top shelf or well. I shrugged, "You pick."

The beard winked at me and started rambling, "I am going to make you a drink with this new Vodka we just got in. It's from the Ignis Aqua distillery and it is impeccable." He kept on, highlighting the chemical structure and taste of the super fancy and in my opinion, the super hipster Vodka. I had heard of Ignis Aqua from Roxie over and over, raving about the new distillery and how it was local, organic and blah blah. All I knew was that it was overpriced booze and I knew my Vodka and cranberry would be about fifteen dollars, making me want to recant asking for dealer's choice.

Finally my drink was handed my way and I took a sip, cringing at the strong taste of the Vodka, "Phew, that's some...that's different." I chuckled looking up at Lauren who had an eyebrow cocked in my direction, "You don't like vodka, Bo?"

I shrugged, "I do, but I tend to stick to the Russians. They seem to know how to make it better than fancy bootlegger wannabes in upstate New York. This Ignis Aqua brand is trying too hard." I watched her smile fade a tiny bit, making that sinking feeling grow. I went to ask Lauren a question or two that would give me the answers if I was on a blind date with a hipster or not, when the hostess walked up on us.

"Excuse me, Lauren? Your table for two is ready." The girl gave us a shy grin, hiding behind massive black framed glasses and a hairstyle I had put behind me when I was eleven and high bangs were awesome. "Follow me?"

Lauren's smile returned and she held out her arm, "After you, Bo." I smiled, the woman was easy on the eyes and every time she smiled, it made me want to smile a little more. I had also noticed that Lauren had fantastic lips and a smooth voice that made me think about how it would sound on a morning after.

The hostess guided us to a table up on the elevated section of the patio, handing over menus and smiling after telling us our server would be up in a minute. Sitting down, I pulled off my leather jacket, smirking when I caught Lauren's eyes fall below the chin line and fall on my chest. I stretched a bit, accentuating the girls. I couldn't help it; I liked catching the woman staring and wanted to give her incentive to continue. "So, should we do the awkward first date questions, Lauren?"

She tore her eyes away from the top of Madonna's head and met my eyes, her cheeks flushing in the cutest way, "Maybe? I mean of course we should stay away from the politics, religion and well, clearly sexual preference would be inane to ask."

I raised an eyebrow, something about her tone struck me odd, "Are you saying just because I am on a date with a woman that I am a lesbian?" I picked up my drink; cringing again at how the vodka was still too much.

"Oh no, I'm just saying Bo, that you are clearly open minded." Lauren cleared her throat, taking a large sip of her whiskey, "I apologize, and I am a bit iffy on the conversation starters." She smiled softly, "Tony always tells me that I have a robotic quality about me upon first impression." Lauren nodded at my shirt, "Madonna? You a big fan?"

I laughed at the horrible way she transition the conversation, she was gorgeous but she was a fumbly one. "I am." I glanced down at the shirt, "This is an original. My first concert was Madonna when I was eight and this shirt has hung on my wall until about five years ago and I could actually fit into it." I waved my hand around the crowd around us, "These kids will never know what it's like to experience the world they adapted their fashion style after."

Lauren cocked her head, "They are just embracing what we did with the Beatles, Grateful Dead and what not when we were in high school."

I smiled tightly, the sinking feeling becoming quicksand, "Maybe." It was now my turn to change the subject, "So, what do you do for work and how do you know Tony?" I was hoping that talking about work and life would take this conversation somewhere less tense.

She set her whiskey down, "I am in sales and Tony works for me on the side helping with marketing and design work." The blonde paused, running her finger around the edge of the glass as she looked up at me, "What about you?"

I shrugged, choosing to play the same vague game she was. This woman was giving off the vibe that even though she was hot as hot could get, she was an ice princess. Playing the give and take game but controlling every aspect. "I work in the airline industry. Particularly for PacEast Consolidated."

Lauren's eyebrows rose as she heard the name of the largest and most successful airline and aircraft magnate in the world. She smirked, "I bet you make quite the impression on the flights." She leaned back in the chair, picking up her glass, "I have heard the vodka you think is "different" signed a contract with PacEast to be the sole in flight liquor vendor for their first class flights."

I felt my smile fade. I knew what her comment was hinting at, I leaned forward on the table, "And what do you mean by me making quite the impression on flights?"

She shrugged, "I meant as a flight attendant, everyone I have ever met who told me they work in the airline industry, is generally a flight attendant. I hear it's a decent career." Lauren smiled genuinely, feeling that her assumption was correct.

I blew out an irritated laugh. She had managed to underhandedly insult me twice, on top of the hipster vibe I was getting off of her, well, root canal just shifted spots again. I nodded, folding my arms against my chest, "Have you ever flown on PacEast? Lauren?"

"Yes, a multitude of times. I travel a lot for work and they are the best airline." She sipped her overpriced whiskey, "Mainly international flights though." I could see her move to ask if I was on the domestic route or the international one, when I laughed and cut her off before she even started.

"International. So, you have probably flown on the new 797 PacEast uses for all international flights?" I pushed my drink away; I was about three more jackass comments away from leaving Lauren and calling Roxie and telling her off for setting me up on a blind date.

"I actually have, many times. It's a beautiful airplane and impressive that an airline company had the balls to go to a hybrid fuel source and still provide the luxury of the others." Lauren smiled, "Have you flown on the 797 yet?"

I sighed heavily, "I have, yes. About thirty or so times. I was even on its maiden flight. Sat right next to the captain and the CEO of PacEast." I leaned further on the table as Lauren's eyes became curious, about to ask how a simple flight attendant would have such privilege, "You see, Lauren and your assumptions, I am not a flight attendant, I'm an aeronautical engineer and the woman, the engineer who designed the 797 from the ground all the way up to the cushy leather seats you sit in on your international flights. I even designed the hybrid fuel system that is now sweeping the airline industry. I know Tony and Roxie refused to share names, but you can go ahead and look me up, since I can see you don't believe me." I pulled out my phone, "Here use my phone and search Ysabeau McCorrigan, aeronautical engineer. The New York Times did an expansive piece on PacEast and the 797 when it came out."

I smiled tightly staring at the blonde, whose face was an odd mix of pale white and bright red, trying hard not to throw in a go fuck you and your assumptions, down on the table.

Root canal just took the lead and the win for the night.

oooOOOooooo

I sat there looking at the woman sitting across from me. I had insulted not only her intelligence but also her position at the airline company. Goddammit. I hate blind dates. I get nervous and have to feign being cordial when I really don't want to. Not to mention the severe case of verbal diarrhea that I seemed to exhibit. I wasn't fit to be around other people socially. I should have talked my way out of this when Tony told me he and Roxie set me up on a blind date. Their intentions were in the right place but I honestly the two of them were nosy and interfered in matters that didn't concern them. I was fine getting my own dates but between getting the distillery company up and running it wasn't a main focus. Bo was still waiting for me to say something and I swore internally before fumbling, "I-I-I-" I still had nothing so I went with the best thing for the situation, "Sorry."

There was an awkward silence between us and I stared down at the menu even though I knew it like the back of my hand considering me and the owner had been friends for years so I helped her with the menu. I had to say something that would rectify my severe case of foot in mouth.

I took a chance and glanced up at Bo who was studying the menu with a disinterested look on her face. I may have had a severe case of being presumptuous but this woman seemed to have an over-inflated ego that was rubbing me the wrong way. I looked back down at the menu and surmised that woman probably was used her unapproachable nature as a way to keep people from really knowing her. If that was the case why the hell didn't she just tell Roxie and Tony to fuck off when they approached her about the blind date? I shook my head then stated, "The Asian chicken tacos are pretty good." Bo glared at me and rolled my eyes and muttered, "Or not." If this was how the rest of the date was going to go then we might as well call it a night right now.

The waitress came over and I recognized her and she smiled at me, "Lauren how have you been?"

I smiled at her and set the menu down on the table, "I've been great Samantha. How have you been?"

"I can't complain much. Hey Tony told me about your big airline deal he's so stoked about it. Are you out celebrating? If so I know of this great new band that playing on the Lower East Side. They're real mellow and it's a small venue so not a lot of people." Samantha told me with a flirtatious smirk. We had dated briefly when the restaurant had started and even though we had similar taste she was a bit more free-spirited than I was.

I pointed at Bo and I tried to hide my reluctance as I managed to say, "I am uh...actually on a date."

Samantha then realized that there was another person sitting at the table with me and she exclaimed, "Oh wow. I am so sorry."

Bo set her menu down and said in a pointed tone, "Oh no please continue acting like I'm not here."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, "Oh calm down Bo. She's just excited for me. Get the stick out of your ass."

Bo gawked at me and Samantha looked a little surprised by my choice of words too but Bo's attitude was annoying me and she was lashing out at Samantha for no reason. I wasn't going to let her sit there and take whatever her problem was out on an innocent bystander. Bo got up and said, "I think it's time for me and my stick to go home. I would say it has been an enjoyable night but then I would be lying."

I watched her walk away from the table. I had half the mind to tell her that if she turned down the bitch factor the night would have gone better but I was going to let her go because I didn't want to waste any more time on Bo McCorrigan. I was brought back to reality when Samantha remarked, "God what an asshole. How did you end up on a date with her?"

I took a sip of my drink and chuckled, "Your boss's friend set me up on a blind date with her. Apparently his girlfriend or whoever she is, works with her and they thought it would be a good idea. I'm not certain what Roxie and Tony were smoking at the time but he will be hearing about it tomorrow."

Samantha laughed and commented, "I'm certain he will. Are you still ordering or are you going to get out of here?"

I smirked and looked a Samantha. What's a little flirting between friends? "I'll get the Asian chicken tacos. Also when do you get off? Maybe we can go check out that band."

Samantha grinned and pointed her pen at me, "No Lauren. I'm not falling for that doe-eyed look."

I gasped and pretended to be appalled, "What doe-eyed look? I was just seeing if you wanted to hang out since my night is a bust."

Samantha shook her head, "Nope. That's not what you're doing and you know it. We'll go to the concert, get drunk then you'll pull the Lewis maneuver and next thing I know we're naked at my place because it's closer."

I wasn't aware of any 'Lewis Maneuver' so I asked, "The Lewis what?"

"The Lewis maneuver." Samantha stated as if that explained everything but it didn't. Luckily she elaborated, "It's when you get sex eyes and flip your hair then bite your lip. People are very susceptible to it."

I laughed and told her, "I do no such thing." I let out an exasperated breath, "Fine then if you don't want to have fun tonight then I'll look elsewhere. But can I have my tacos and a fresh drink please?"

Samantha laughed and she gave my shoulder a quick squeeze as she said, "Sure thing Lauren."

I watched her walk away and I finished off the remainder of my drink and wondered what I was going to be doing with the rest of my night now that my disastrous blind date was over. I should have known that it wasn't going to go well.

Next Morning

I stood on sidewalk in front of the building I had just snuck out of and waiting for Tony to come pick me up because he was my wingman. I was smoking a cigarette I had stolen from the woman whose bed I had just left. I hadn't meant to sleep with her but after I ate I hung out by the bar and once I told her I was the owner of the brand of alcohol she was drinking one thing led to another and we were in a cab coming to her upper Manhattan apartment. I took a hit off the cigarette and as I exhaled the smoke I squinted against the harsh rays of the sun. I should have gone home last night. I wasn't prepared for the walk of shame.

Tony's blue Subaru pulled up to the curb and I mumbled, "Thank fucking god." I took a final hit from the cigarette then tossed it to the ground before getting into the car. I closed the door after I exhaled the smoke from my lungs and Tony scolded, "You're smoking again?"

I pulled the sunglasses from his face and put them on, "We drank a whole bottle of Ignis whiskey silver label." I knew that didn't explain anything to him but that's all I had at the moment. I was hungover and doing the walk of shame. No room for grace. "Also that formula is too strong to be appreciated as a sophisticated whiskey. I need to work on it and the aging process."

He nodded and asked, "So you'll be going to Queens today?"

I ran my finger through my hair and cringed. I needed a hot shower, my comfy ass bed, and a thorough teeth brushing. I rested my head against the head rest, "No. I've got the recipe in my safe at home so I'll look at it then figure out what we need to do to change it. I think we might need to age it longer and older barrels. Might be going barrel hunting in a month or so. I need to go to the warehouse and see how the four years are coming along. Have you drawn up-"

"Hey. Hey. Hey. Wait a minute." I would have turned my head to look at him but my head was throbbing. Adding Advil to the list of things I needed. "Whose apartment were you at?"

I shrugged, "I don't remember. Rebecca, Allyson...maybe Katie."

"What happened with Bo?"

I chuckled if Tony wanted to bring it up then we'd talk about it but I wasn't in the mood to be nice. "She was a cunt Tony. Why you and your-What are you two even?" He just shrugged. I snorted a little, "You should figure that out before you have little Anthony's running around Manhattan. Anyways, she was as frigid as can be and had perpetual resting bitch face. What the hell were you thinking?"

Tony chuckled and admitted, "Just helping you out you know. You landed the contract with the airline. I thought maybe we could move onto the next aspect of your life."

"The next aspect of my life isn't some woman who hasn't had the stick that's in her ass removed since she got that godforsaken Madonna t-shirt." I pointed at him and warned, "No more blind dates. If you set me up on another one I'll be calling your mother and telling her about the peculiar plants in her backyard."

Tony's head snapped towards me, "You wouldn't dare."

I got comfortable in the seat and smiled, "Try me Tone." I realized I had been a bit harsh about Bo so I admitted, "I did call her a flight attendant."

"Lauren you didn't..."

I threw my hand up, "What? I didn't know. You threw me in there blind so I made a complete ass of myself and Samantha was our waiter and..." I shook my head, "Let me put it this way. Everything that could destroy a date seemed to happen last night."

Tony laughed and when he caught his breath he apologized, "I'm sorry Lauren. I won't do it again. I'll let you continue with your walks of shame and less than stellar getaways."

I chuckled and replied, "Thank you for that. See that's the sign of a true friend. I also think she wasn't a fan of my vodka."

Tony gave me a wary look, "The Russians won't even touch your vodka. It's like pure ethanol."

I waved my hand in the air, "Ah they're pussies. Just like you."

He shoved my shoulder and grinned, "At least I'm a pussy who's getting some pussy. You can't say the same."

"Why outsource when I have my own?" I asked him with a shit eating grin on my face.

Tony laughed then asked, "Is it fun to play with your own box or is better to have someone else play with it for you?"

Damn. He had me there. I flicked him off and got a playful scowl on my face, "Fuck you."

We rode in silence for a couple of blocks then Tony asked, "So Sam huh?"

I shook my head and said, "I'm not even going there Tony. Not even."

With the frustration of last night's date out of my system Tony and I were able to joke around the remainder of the drive to my apartment with the understanding that there will be no more blind dates in my future.

Tune in next week for episode two!