Chapter 7: Ernie Macmillan

It was not often that Cedric Diggory struggled to find something appropriate to say. Something that would, at least, make a bad situation better. But this just happened to be one such instance. Finally, he settled for a sigh and a "Holle, I know you are probably sick and tired of this now, and this is the most useless thing of all, but I will say it: I am truly, genuinely sorry about all this."

Holle's smile was as warm as a well-tended fireplace in a loving home. Cedric was always one of the few at Hogwarts who always had a genuine smile and a truly kind word for her, as well as one of those who made real efforts to get to know the real her instead of The Girl Who Lived. In fact, she was coming to view him as the older brother she never had, especially with how he looked out for her whenever he could, helped her with her homework, and often invited her to share his usual supply of homemade goodies from his mother. "It is not your fault, Cedric."

Nicoletta nodded, smiling a little herself at how there were still truly decent souls to be found at Hogwarts. "It is not. You were neither the one who overreacted when Holle was only trying to help, nor the one who believed that Holle was something she was not, and then went about trying to get everyone else to also believe that she was."

Cedric sighed again. "Ernie and Justin had been real idiots. Oh, they may be my juniors, my fellow Hufflepuffs, but I am most definitely not going to side with or defend them here. Especially not to either of you. The more pathetic thing is that while they can dish it out, they cannot take it. They are currently in the Hospital Wing."

Holle and Nicoletta exchanged a glance. "What? What happened?"

Cedric's sad smile was that of an older brother who, despite truly loving his two younger brothers, knew full well that they had erred and so deserved punishment. "From what I know, Dumbledore summoned them to his office to have a little chat with them. Professor Sprout had been there as well. And when they learned exactly what they had done, what could be done to them, and what they should do, well…"

After everything she had been through, there was a tiny part of Holle that was still surprised to find that she felt neither guilt nor concern for Ernie and Justin. Nicoletta, on the other hand, gave an unhappy little chuckle, "So, they went into shock, did they? The Macmillan and the Finch-Fletchley ancestors must be so proud that they are now turning in their graves. Their descendants have proven themselves to be truly worthy of the family names. Mmmm…I wonder, is Augusta going to receive any invitations to the celebratory parties that Ernie's grandfather and Justin's mother would undoubtedly hold to commemorate their remarkable accomplishments? Their oh-so praiseworthy behaviour?"

Holle and Cedric were tempted to laugh, but they did not. Cedric's eyes brightened, though – it was good to know that Nicoletta's humour seemed intact, and hopefully, they would be able to help Holle's spirits recover from this latest mess. "If it makes either of you feel any better, the word is that Professor Sprout is seriously considering suspending Ernie, or barring him from taking his final examinations this year, or even both."

Holle and Nicoletta stared at Cedric in unmistakable astonishment and wonder. Professor Sprout, the Professor Sprout, considering those kinds of punishments? For a moment, Nicoletta actually wondered if she had heard wrongly, or if the world had gone mad. Though she was not a Hufflepuff, she still liked Professor Sprout best out of the entire staff – an affection that was mutual, and from what she knew of the Herbology Professor, she honestly cannot imagine her delivering either of those punishments to one of her students, let alone both at once to one of her Hufflepuffs. "Suspension? Barring from end-of-year examinations? This is really Professor Sprout we are talking about?"

Cedric nodded. "It is, Nicoletta. We Hufflepuffs have always known that while Professor Sprout is really nice and easy-going, if one really screws up…well, watch out. Just because we usually do not see that side of her does not mean it is non-existent. And besides, we know that, for Wizarding Ireland to consider letting it go, there has to be some real serious punishment."

"I doubt there is anyone in Ernie's family who would ever let him live it down if either of those were to happen, let alone one after the other. Everyone knows what they are like, after all."

"True. But enough of that. Holle, I am not sure how I should put it exactly, but if you really, really want out of here and go somewhere else instead, I could ask my parents. My Dad may be a lot of things, and his department is the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, but he does have influence, some powerful friends in Wizarding Britain and abroad. My Mom also has contacts, and she knows how to keep my Dad quiet when it comes to serious matters such as these. And like I have told you before, neither of them is a fan of Dumbledore or the Dumbledore Club. So, what you do think?"

In reality, Cedric was torn as he said it – he had grown to truly love and care for Holle as the little sister he never had, as well as one of the few true friends he had at Hogwarts who were neither in dazed awe of him nor wanted to exploit him for their own purposes, and so, while part of him believed that her transferring to an another school elsewhere was a good idea and wanted to help bring that about, part of him – that selfish inconsiderate whiny part of him – wanted her to stay, arguing the lack of any absolute guarantees that the same thing would not happen to Holle even at another school. However, as his mother's son, he would still respect whatever choice Holle made, and content himself with helping out in any way he could to the very best of his ability.

Holle was touched, though her smile was as sad as the last falling leaf of autumn. "Thank you, Cedric. It is really kind of you to make such an offer. But…but just like I was telling Nicoletta here just now, it is not that simple. There are so many issues. So many uncertainties. And, and I do not know how to put it exactly, but on top of all that, I just have this strangest feeling that the time is not right. I do not know how, I do not know why, but I really do have this feeling. Perhaps you and Nicoletta might think I have gone mad, or Dumbledore's influence has gotten to me, but no matter what, I just cannot get rid of this feeling that if I really want to take a step like this, I must first wait for the right timing, which is definitely not now."

"It does not sound mad or Dumbledorish, Holle." Cedric's smile was now warm and comforting instead of sad, though his conscience rebuked that part of him that was rejoicing at Holle's decision to stay, even if it was only for the time being. "It is probably the combination of your instincts as a witch and your own feminine intuition at work here. My Mom has told me about that, and how that feeling tends to be accurate. And with how you have been constantly keeping Dumbledore at a physical and emotional distance, how careful you have always been where he is concerned, and how he has to walk on eggshells now if he does not want to be kicked out of this castle, I daresay that you are most definitely not under any malignant influence of his."

"Cedric is right, Holle." Nicoletta's smile was no less warm than Cedric's as she took Holle's hand in hers. Her brown eyes were strangely reminiscent of the Earth – the solid, dependable Earth. "Take it from me: the only influence that you are under is your own. Not Dumbledore's, not any of his sycophants', but yours alone. This is you talking. And your instincts, your intuition…well, so far, they have never let us down before, and I see no reason why they would start now, especially at a time like this. Since they are telling you not now, then I believe the best thing to do is to continue waiting until they say otherwise. All the same, we have to be on our guard, and as Alastor Moody would put it, be ever-vigilant."

"I must say, I am surprised by your wanting to have dinner with me tonight." Snape remarked, a hint of his characteristic bitter, unhappy satisfaction on his lips and in his tone. "You have never ever shown such preference for my company, Minerva."

Minerva McGonagall ignored him and took a bite of her chicken-and-ham sandwich, her countenance moody. After what had happened, she had no real appetite, but she also knew that she and Snape needed sustenance (chances were that they would wake up hungry in the night if they skipped dinner), and so had conjured up a large plate of sandwiches, two goblets, and a large jug of iced pumpkin juice for them both. However, it was as plain as day that she was forcing herself to eat, and that it was only professionalism that compelled her to conjure food and drink enough for two, instead of one.

If only this snake had not…had not…

Snape took a bite of sandwich. "Miss. Potter is really a person of action, is she not? Especially where a certain someone's failings are concerned?"

Yes, the oath he was forced to take strictly prohibited him from badmouthing Holle or, indeed, any Potter at all even in private, but from what he had heard and was currently seeing, he thought he had found a new outlet for all that frustration, that boiling endless resentment and contempt, which had been accumulating since he took that oath. Severus Snape's venomous cobra-like tongue needed exercising, after all, or it would implode from its very own poison.

Besides, while James Potter and his spawn would always rank top on his Most Hated List, he still had a bone to pick with McGonagall, who was also on that list.

McGonagall took another bite, determinedly not looking at him, though the remarks did hit the bull's eye.

"And to think…Miss. Potter's father used to be one of your favourites. He had been the Chaser for your Quidditch team, right? Helped to ensure that the Quidditch Cup was firmly kept in your office throughout his school years here, right? That, in turn, also ensured that you had the House Cup firmly in your office throughout his time here, right? Mmmm…I wonder…what would he have said if he saw the kind of relationship that you and Miss. Potter have?"

McGonagall took a fierce gulp of juice, as if she was literally choking down bile she wanted to spit out.

Snape took a swig of his own juice, his midnight heart starting to laugh wickedly for the first time since he was forced to surrender to James Potter's daughter. Yes, he could no longer say the things he wanted to or behave in the way he wanted to where Holle Potter and her family were concerned, but a certain Dumbledore's very best, most supportive lieutenant was not part of his oath, and he must say he was starting to enjoy it. "It was a real shock to me, you know, when she said back then that if she had a choice, she would not have gone to Gryffindor. I had also thought I was either dreaming or hallucinating when that Hat confessed that, while it knew that she would have an easier and even happier time in either Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, it had its reasons for choosing Gryffindor for her, and those reasons had absolutely nothing to do with either Dumbledore or you. For a moment there, I thought I had gone to some Wonderland."

McGonagall took another bite.

"Say, Minerva, sorry about this, but my memory has been having problems lately, so I thought I better confirm this with you. Is it true that Miss. Potter had returned you the Nimbus 2000 you had purchased for her?" Despite the fact that Snape's tone had gone soft and was dripping with honestly curiosity, he was not fooling anyone – anyone could see, could even smell his reeking smugness, even if he was now taking a bite of sandwich, chewing slowly and thoroughly as though savouring some victory feast. "That she told you that she had no interest in Quidditch? And that as long as you were her Head of House, she would not even consider trying out for the team?"

McGonagall swallowed and took another bite.

"Oh, well. As much of a pity as that is, Minerva, I am perfectly sure there are others whom you could really consider. How about Ron Weasley? Or Seamus Finnigan? Or…how about Colin Creevey? I am sure that any of those three would make a wonderful addition to your team. Oh, and you should definitely encourage Hermione Granger to continue as she is. She must always be the one to answer every question we ask, must always strive to score top grades, and must always submit work a million times beyond our requested lengths. For that, as we both know only too well, is the key to earning House points. I must confess that I have actually grown tired of having to keep those two beautiful, lovely cups in my office for six years in a row, and since I have always been a generous and gracious man, I certainly would not mind them adorning your office for a change. Besides, after six continuous years of the Great Hall being adorned in green and silver during the Leaving Feast, I would like to see it decorated by red and gold for once. It has been quite some time since that happened."

At that, McGonagall finally lifted her eyes to look into Snape's, and she smiled – not a nice smile. "James has been watching. He has always been watching. I know he has. And I know for sure that he is beyond disgusted with me for how I have treated Holle," she spoke up, each and every syllable sprinkling salt onto the festering wounds of her heart and spirit, "I am perfectly aware of how Holle thinks and feels about me and, by extension, her being in my House. I am perfectly aware of what Ron Weasley, Seamus Finnigan, Colin Creevey, and Hermione Granger are like. I know what they can and cannot do. But most of all…I am well and truly touched by your generosity and your diligent suggestions about how my House could win honour and glory. You have really warmed an old woman's heart, Severus. Lily, whom I know to be always watching alongside James, would be truly proud of you as well. Yes, I believe she must now be weeping with joy at how much you have changed for the better."

The legendary Severus Snape smugness suddenly dimmed considerably, though it still lingered.

McGonagall took a swig of juice, the ghost of an unhappy smile on her lips. I may deserve what I get from Holle, but you, you sour, bitter, petty little thing, have no right! "I must say I was surprised when I first saw it, you know. The friendship you and Lily once shared when you started here. It was such a rare sight. An extraordinary sight! A Gryffindor and a Slytherin, best friends, hanging out together! Regularly making time for each other no matter what! Oh, Dumbledore had been so proud, you know! It seems only yesterday that he waxed lyrical about it to the other staff and I, grinning from ear to ear as he did so. But then…oh, well, as Robert Frost had so wisely said, "Nothing gold can stay". The two of you ended up taking different paths, and so…"

Snape's dark eyes flared a little, but he said nothing.

"Since we are on this, Severus, there is something I believe you should know: Horace actually once confided in me that he had believed you and Lily were meant to be. The way she always looked out for you. The way she always made time for you. The way she always helped you whenever you were in need. And of course, the way you always looked at her even if your own mouth ultimately betrayed your truest nature to her." McGonagall was now smiling openly, taking a sip of juice. "Believe it or not, he had told me he looked forward to being an honoured guest at your wedding. He even hoped to be lucky enough to be godfather to your and Lily's offspring. But of course, everyone knows that while manure may make fine fertiliser for a lily field, only one who has proven himself truly worthy may savour the beauty and perfume of that lily field. If not, that lovely lily field would just wither and rot away in the most miserable way."

Snape took a huge bite of sandwich and choked it down without chewing it, like a spitting cobra forced to choke down the very venom it had initially wanted to spit out.

McGonagall took another sip of juice, her eyes blazing as she regarded the man whom she had always been – very, very deep down – bitterly, unspeakably ashamed to count as one of her colleagues. "James had been a lot of things. He was not perfect – something that Miss. Potter herself had always acknowledged whenever she is forced into confrontations with the Headmaster, the other staff, and I. Yes. He was a bully as well as a braggart who got off with a great deal when he should not have. But even at his very worst, I know for sure that no matter how humiliated or angry he had been, he had never ever called any of his friends foul names when they were just trying to defend him against bullying. Which is wholly unlike some I know. Oh, and as mean as his pranks were, unlike those of a certain gang of which a certain someone is a part of, they had never ever truly endangered an innocent's life and limb, and they ceased altogether during his sixth year. Yes, my dearest Severus, believe it or not, James' parents had not bribed the Headmaster and I into making him Head Boy during his final year here. He earned that through his own merits. He changed; he became a better person. While a certain someone not only never ceased those so-called pranks alongside his so-called friends, but also went on to prove how utterly unworthy he was of that lily field through the choices he made after leaving Hogwarts. Tragic, is it not?"

For a moment, McGonagall thought she would have to draw her wand to defend herself, and a tiny irrational part of her actually wished – no, wanted that to really happen. That part even went on to fantasise about how pleased Holle and Nicoletta would be with her if she presented Severus Snape's greasy vile head to them on a silver platter. She would have to wash it first, of course. But Snape sat silent and took a swig of juice, and despite herself, McGonagall's heart gave a little sigh. Pity… "The greater tragedy, however, would be that while James joined the Order right after graduation to fight for what was a right, a certain someone got his inner left forearm branded as though he was some animal, and then went on to do goodness-knows-what in someone's service. Merlin, I honestly wonder what exactly he had done. How much exactly he had done. How stained his hands are."

"And your hands are so clean, Minerva? So stainless?" Snape inquired, looking and sounding eerily, frighteningly calm. "I was there, you know. I saw the way Miss. Potter looked at you, the way she still does. I heard the things she said to you. The things she still says about you, in fact. Everyone knows what she thinks and feels about the two of us. Especially you. How is it, I wonder, that you are able to sit here now, eat, and even talk like this, when you yourself know better than anyone else how polluted your own hands, your very own soul is? When you yourself know perfectly well that you are the very person whom Miss. Potter loathes most of all in this entire castle?"

McGonagall swallowed her bite of sandwich. "Oh, I know my own sins, Severus. I am also aware that, eventually, there is going to be a real reckoning where I have to answer for each and every single one of my wrongdoings. But at the very least, I know I had earned my place in Hell, and I deserve what I get. Also, for all my faults, I at least am not delusional enough to believe that the entire world owes me a debt it can never ever pay."

"And you are one to talk about debts? As accursed and forsaken as I am by whatever Powers That Be, I really doubt they would disagree with me if I say that your Gryffindors are no saints. Especially not the Marauders. Everyone knows how they had treated me and others who had never done them any ill. They owe me. You owe me as well. You were their Head of House as well as the Deputy Headmistress of this school, and yet you never checked and taught them as you should have. They had made laughing stocks out of me and so many others throughout our years here, and you did nothing. Yes, you just stood by and did absolutely nothing. You owe me. You owe me more than they do, actually. Whether you admit it or not, you did play a large role in making me who I am today, Minerva. And you do owe me."

McGonagall's face was like a statue. "Like I have just said, Severus, I know my own sins. My own debts. And I have already starting to pay for them, have I not? Ever since Miss. Potter set foot here, I have started to pay each and every single debt I owe! Oh, little by little, but still paying! But you…do you really have any right to claim to be creditor, when you yourself have so many creditors?"

Despite herself, McGonagall felt a wave of bittersweet comfort at the oh-so characteristic sneer that Snape gave her, for it proved to her that come what may, there were some things that never changed. "I have debts that I can never pay? You have debts that you can never pay. Pot and kettle, my dear, sweet boy."

"You-"

"I have no doubts that this moment of clarity I am currently having is only temporary, and then I will be back to my pathetic old self. So, I am going to make as much use of it as possible while it lasts, and be perfectly candid as well. Severus, you and I both have chosen poorly. Most poorly! Most stupidly, I must add! You thought your first master was right about blood purity and that his cause was just. Then, you believed your second master would always protect you, always ensure that you would always be safe and even comfortable. I, on the other hand, wanted fame. Recognition. Acknowledgment. I admit it now, my greatest desire was to be remembered by posterity as a good and noble witch who had dedicated her life, her very soul, in the service of a second Merlin Ambrosius. And look at what has become of us now? Look at what is still happening to us now? Severus, did either one of your masters truly give you what they had truly promised? Did either of them grant you your real heart's desire? And me…the things everyone says about me now! What they think of me now! Do I look anything like a true Merlin's Helpmeet to you? To anyone, for that matter?"

Severus Snape stared at Minerva McGonagall. Oh, he had known. Known about the so-called Gryffindor House Head's ambitions, her darkest desires – he was neither an accomplished Legilimens nor a survivor of the First War for nothing, after all. But he had never thought she would actually voice those desires aloud to anyone, let alone him. He had not thought it possible, especially given her pride.

And she was not done.

"Albus Dumbledore was not the person that either of us and countless others believed him to be. He had deceived us. Still is, in fact. He had ill-used us both, Severus, and no doubt would continue to do so. I even believe that if things get really, really bad, he would make a run for it, not bothering to warn either of us in advance! Let alone offering to take us with him! And then, we two would be the ones forced to pay for his sins in addition to ours! Why? Because that is the way Albus Dumbledore has made this world! And when that happens, no one will speak for us! Nothing can possibly defend us! We would be slaughtered! Figuratively and perhaps literally, and he would not shed a single tear for us! Goddess, Merlin, if anything, he would only pray that our sentences are sufficient to appease Wizarding Britain's bloodlust, letting him get away! And you know what? I think Miss. Potter herself might actually let him get away in exchange for literally having our heads on pikes!"

…

"Out of all the residents of this castle, there are three whom Miss. Potter has absolutely no good opinion of, and loathes with every ounce of her soul and being: Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape, and Albus Dumbledore." McGonagall took a swig of juice, her eyes feverishly bright though not tearing up. One could smell her self-loathing, her helplessness, that sense of being hopelessly lost. "She told me straight out that she will never trust me or be friends with me. Given everything I had done and not done…as for you, Severus, well, everyone knows what had happened between you and her during her first year here. Everyone also knows that, were it not for that oath you had to make back then, you would have continued treating her like something to be flushed down the toilet. Someone whom you could bully, harass, and ridicule however you wanted whenever you wanted. You yourself know that better than anyone else. Yes, my boy, even I know how much it had and still is costing you. Most unfortunately for both of us, however, while Granddaddy Dumbledore is definitely on her list, he is only No. 3, while you and I are No. 2 and No. 1 respectively. She loathes me the most for my neutrality and cowardice during times of moral crisis. She loathes you second for your outright cruelty and spite. And Dumbledore…well, as long as she has gold and silver, why would she bother if bronze gets away?"

There was a moment's silence as the two regarded each other, one gulping her juice, and the other chewing into his sandwich. Then, "Then we should get away. While we are still awake and clear-minded. Get away before he does. You want to go pack your bags first?"

Once upon a time, if one told Severus Snape that he would decide to pack up his bags, and run away from Dumbledore, Hogwarts, and Wizarding Britain itself for good, he would have sneered and spat his cobra-shaming vitriol at them. But now, things could not be more different. If even Dumbledore's very best, most supportive lieutenant believed and was vocal about said belief that he would not hesitate to use them as scapegoats, then who was he – a spy who loathed it here and was beyond loathed in turn – to disagree and believe otherwise? Oh, he loathed James Potter and his spawn, always had, always would, but he valued his own life and freedom infinitely more, thank you very much. Besides, it was not like they lacked funds.

McGonagall laughed a laugh that, if Dumbledore had been present to hear, would have turned him off his favourite lemon drops for a long time, "Oh, Severus, you are so, so naïve. There is no way out for us. How can there be, when we are already in so deep? Neither side would ever let us go. Even if we manage to escape from here, they would find and then imprison us. You know Albus Dumbledore and Amelia Bones just like I do, Severus. You know what they are like. What they are capable of. He knows us only too well, and she did not become the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement for nothing, you know. They need us for their respective purposes, and as long as they do, they would never ever let us go."

"Minerva-"

"And besides, even if we manage to run away and hide, how long would we let that be?" A tear rolled down McGonagall's cheek, she brushed it away with a trembling hand. "How are we going to run away and hide from our own selves? It is innate within us, Severus. No matter how many times I end up letting my own self down, my very first impulse would always be to defend Dumbledore against anything and everything with all that I got. No matter what oaths you have taken, and what things you have to do to keep yourself out of Azkaban, you would always and forever lament that you can no longer treat Miss. Potter and her father's memory the way you had wanted to. No matter how impossible it is, you would always long or hope for a day where you would, once again, have power over her to abuse her as you will. For those are the kinds of people that Dumbledore and we ourselves have made us. We cannot help ourselves, Severus. We cannot deny ourselves. What we have become. Even if we already know the miserable fates that await us if we keep this up."

"I am not you. Even if you do not want to live in freedom, I do. I am going to go pack my bags now."

McGonagall laughed that sour laugh again. "Oh, Severus, James has started laughing. Oh my, Miss. Potter and even Miss. Longbottom have started laughing and shaking their heads as well. My, my, Dumbledore is shaking his head too!"

As she had expected, Severus Snape froze, his entire being trembling, his countenance a classical turmoil: the unmistakable rage of one being laughed at in the face by their implacable rival, the certainty of one who knew that he had to do something quick for survival's sake, and one's inability to resign to defeat even knowing full well that it was a hopeless cause.

It was, as she had pointed out so bluntly, in their natures. They just cannot help themselves.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen. It has really been some time, has it not? As always, I honestly and wholeheartedly hope all of you would enjoy what I have managed to conjure for now, even if it has been a long time since I last wrote something, and I myself am honestly uncertain about how you would all find this. Oh, and of course, PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT FORGET THAT DIVINE LITTLE REVIEW BUTTON. REVIEWS MAKE MY WORLD GO ROUND, AND HELPS TO KEEP THIS STORY ALIVE. :D