author's note:

Content warnings: There will be references to domestic abuse, infant death, suicide, and sexual assault in this piece.

This piece is based on an AU idea originally posted by 'esmeshardwoodfloors' on tumblr.

It had been two and a half years since the farm girl from Ohio who climbed trees and hated tablecloths had turned their lives upside down.

It had been two years since the farm girl from Ohio, who climbed trees and had a violent dislike for tablecloths, turned their lives upside down.

Carlisle was the happiest he had ever been. For the first time in all his two hundred and eighty three years he had something worth coming home. More accurately two someones. Long past were the days when he spent his hours home watching the hours drone by, anxiously awaiting for the clock to finally chime and allow him to return to the world of the living.

He spent every moment investing in ways to combat the haunting loneliness. He desperately attempted to fill the silence with music. Learning dozens of instruments only to be crushed by the overwhelming silence when the music stopped. As technology advanced he installed a phonograph in each room, blaring records to drown out the sounds of the world moving without him.

Half of his fortune went to art, he was the proud owner of dozens of masterpieces. His walls were covered in landscapes, portraits, still lifes. A house packed to the brim of beautiful things when his life had none. He only saw museum-worthy landscapes hung where family portraits belonged.

He learned every language he could, partly from his travels partly through his studies. It was an almost guarantee he could speak with every single person he ever met. Yet, he didn't know the words to explain how his day was, no one had ever asked. He read every book known to man but was only reminded of the lives he was not living. When the loneliness got crushing he held his own hand, lying on the ground with a stack of books on top of him to mimic a hug. He was overly aware he spent multiple human lifetimes pitying himself.

The misery reached its crescendo when thousands upon thousands died in a biological war. He was forced to sit in an empty room, staring at a white wall. He was thankful for the silence as he waited to return to the hospital, doomed to watch and hear more people die and gasp and scream for air. Forced to sit and wait, completely helpless.

Amidst the chaos of a pandemic he reached the moment of his greatest strength or weakness, he had yet to decide, he decided to doom another to a life of misery and solitude. Edward, the seventeen-year-old he ripped from the brink of death, brought melodies to a silent existence. He was the companion Carlisle had longed for so many years.

There were rough patches, and the adjustment to a shared life was anything but easy at times; but Carlisle was content. The life was anything but how he expected it and he was extremely grateful. The two debated lively, played chess, and ran as fast as they could simply for fun. They had fun.

Carlisle had everything he dared to want and yet in the back of his brain there was an itch that simply couldn't be scratched. He had someone who laughed at his jokes, enjoyed his company, celebrated holidays with him, believed in protecting humanity; and yet, he yearned for more. He feared he needed more. The secret longing for someone to care for him the way the poets care about their muses gnawed away at his brain. It was a thought that troubled him over the years, as he watched others of his kind and not find comfort only provided by the arms of a lover. But he tucked away the want years ago, it was one of those long desires he would never satiate. Joining the want to remember what it was like to sleep, to relish in the taste of food, to know the physical relief after a cry. All things he longed for and knew he would never find.

Yes, if he gave it any thought he had always longed to have someone love him unconditionally. However, Edward made it quite clear his love, his presence was conditional.

Edward looked to Carlisle as a creator, a leader of sorts. A befuddling role for the very much twenty-three-year-old to suddenly take on. It was a tremendous responsibility, being responsible for an entire being's welfare. A role he didn't adapt to seamlessly. He failed often and Edward never failed to let him know. There was an always looming fear above his head the next time he failed would be the last straw, one more mistake and Edward would and could be gone. He was positive that one day he would return home be met with the previously familiar silence. He would no longer be wrapped up in the warmth of a piano. Edward would not bound down the stairs asking questions and responding before Carlisle could spit the words out. The chessboard would still be set waiting for moves that would never be played.

It was a petrifying fear some days. That everything he loved could be taken within a second. Alone, once again, but overly aware of the joys he was missing. He would be launched into solitude and it would be his own fault, and he wasn't sure he could survive that.

He had sworn to himself, and Edward, he would never jeopardize his life by making the choice to damn another. So when he made the choice he did that cold January night he fully expected his entire life to come crumbling down around him. In fact, Edward hadn't spoken to Carlisle for the three days prior after the two had gotten into a quite heated argument about the very subject. It wasn't so much an argument as much as Edward screaming at Carlisle for hours on end about the eternal hell he had been damned to. The hateful, but justified, words had bounced around Carlisle's brain for over seventy-two hours. He was dreading going home to be screamed at even more, so he offered to process the morgue intake before he left for the night. He was so involved in his own turmoil he almost missed it, a heartbeat where a heartbeat did not belong.

Though the odd murmur was quickly overpowered by the scent. It stung every inch of his body, electrified every single one of his nerve endings. His throat burned as he rushed down the hall, closer and closer to the wonderful miraculous scent. He hadn't reacted to blood that fiercely in years. His control may have completely faltered if he hadn't realized he knew that scent.

Ten years prior he had met a patient that tested his control so greatly, in more ways than one, he picked up his entire life and fled in the middle of the night. There she was ten years later and eight hundred miles away. The sixteen-year-old girl, who climbed trees and cursed under her breath, was moments away from death. Her heartbeat was faint. He, with supernatural abilities, could barely hear it. She was going to die. Her spine was bent at an angle that sent a shiver down his one, her collarbone stuck out of her skin, dark bruises under her eyes, a clear skull fracture. She was going to die.

The girl who had the brightest smile he had ever seen, dreams larger than the small town she was born to, a wit sharper than a scalpel. There was no way she would live but there was no way he would let her die. She deserved a chance at life. He wanted her to live. He decided in a split second, he was unaware he even made the choice until her sweet blood was on his tongue.

In hindsight he feared the choice he made in that second was not the choice he eventually landed on. His first taste of human blood was Edward's and it was… appealing to say the least. But hers was a different, overwhelming sensation. He couldn't stop. He had to stop and he did pull his teeth out of her weak skin. Blood trickled down her neck. It all made complete sense as he went in for a second bite. All those years he had denied himself this. For what? Surely a pleasure this grand was God made, God given. How could he be evil if this was divinely created? Who was he to go against God? Her injuries and blood loss would kill her in a minute or so. Why not speed up the process? Wouldn't that be what a doctor would do? End her misery? Between these abhorrent thoughts he was able to regain his control and stop for a single second before quickly succumbing again.

He managed to stop completely at bite eight, her soft barely present whine interrupting his feast. The venom had kept her alive while he drained her, she could still pull through. He wrapped her in the sheet under her, bloody and dirty, and cradled her in his arms. He snuck out of the hospital morgue out her almost corpse cradled to his chest as he bolted home.

Her scars looked like a product of a ferocious battle, not a practiced doctor's handiwork. Her neck, her wrists, her thighs, and her chest all bore testaments to his failure. He never truly believed in the concept of 'singers.' Being so drawn to a scent, with no rhyme or reason, to the point of losing all control was unfathomable. Yet, there he was running away, his hand cradling the head of a woman he had nearly drained of life without a second thought. He prayed the venom could save her the whole run home. The despairing thought he put her through the pain for nothing danced through his mind but he had to try.

Edward met him on the front porch furious, already shouting at the top of his lungs. 'Ah, I see you're speaking to me, again.' Carlisle though, which only worked to enrage Edward further. Carlisle could not seem to spare any concern for his best friend's dismay. His one and only concern at that moment was the frail woman in his arms.

Her screams started a few moments after he placed her on the loveseat in his office with as much care and gentility as if she was a priceless artifact. He sat by her side for all a hundred and eight hellish hours. Far before her eyes opened he knew their lives would never be the same.

Esme joining their world changed more than expected. By the grace of God the three became to resemble some odd form of a family. They weren't soulless vessels simply existing with each other because unenjoyable company beat loneliness. Life was by no means easy but it was very much worth it. Most of the time the three worked together as a team beautifully. Carlisle was no longer the teacher. Edward was no longer the permanent student. They all learned from each other, made up for the other's mistakes, and rejoiced in each other's successes.

She was a force of light and laughter in the lives of two very gloomy men. She disrupted the routine of two completely rigid individuals and neither could be happier. Esme permitted Carlisle to be young again. She was an opponent in games that did not cheat. They made cultural references that Edward didn't understand. He was her creator but she was truly his equal. Her presence allowed Edward to be joyful while also an authority. He was the one teaching and leading a newborn. But she also looked after him, not because she had some moral obligation but because she wanted to. In return, they allowed her to simply be herself again. They asked her thoughts, encouraged her to read and learn whatever she wanted, and forgave her when she failed.

He wasn't quite sure when he fell in love with her, although he was sure it was quickly. No matter how quick it was it took agonizing months to admit it to himself. Esme, very quickly, became his best friend and confidant. He told her stories he had never uttered aloud. She asked him questions about himself he had never even considered the answers for. She wanted to know him, every single thing about him. Which terrified him, everyone, who had ever 'known' him had only been disappointed. Yet, she soon became the person who knew him best and she was still there every day welcoming him home. Something told him, despite all logic, that she always would be and it scared how much he wanted her to be. The guilt he felt for loving her was overwhelming at times. As soon as he learned she had not fallen from the cliff, but rather, purposefully jumped, he knew he had not saved her. He instead had violated her very being. It was an unforgivable offense yet he selfishly and secretly was glad he did it.

Esme had forgiven him in seconds, she never even considered being mad at him. In her mind, he had given her what she always wanted, a new start. The grief that drove her off the cliff, however, didn't dissolve as soon as she was given a new chance at life. It was palpable at times hanging over the little home like a heavy fog. Working through the trauma and grief that had filled her last years of human life was no easy task but she did it. Carlisle was in awe at the way she adapted to her new life even before he knew her past. When she did finally share her story with him, awe turned into utter disbelief.

He had promised himself right then and there he would spend the rest of his life devoted to her. It didn't matter if his affections weren't returned, all that mattered to him was that she was happy and safe. He swore to never allow her to know how he truly thought of her. He believed he would be another man violating her. He didn't allow himself to notice her gazes as anything more than gazes. Her soft touches to his forearm when he told a funny joke. The way she would reach out and squeeze his hand in reassurance. Her habit of softly placing a hand on his shoulder when she passed behind him. He saw all of these as just a way she interacted. He would not allow himself to examine her actions or overthink her statements. He could not, for a second, believe she felt a sliver of what he did or he would be unable to keep it a secret. He did not want to misinterpret her actions as affection and take advantage of their relationship. She may feel she would have to say it back out of obligation for "saving her." That would be worse than her not saying it at all. Carlisle did not save her to be some sort of vampire bride for himself. He saved her so she could have a life. He was positive, one day a much better man than himself would come along and he would have to hear her say the three little words to another. A man who deserved to witness the kindness and strength she possessed. Not a man like her ex-husband. Not a man of evil. Yes, he was sure he was not that man. For he was a man who had forced her into a miserable eternity, removed all elements of choice from her life, and taken advantage of her courtesy and developed feelings for her. How would he be any better than Charles if he then acted on his inappropriate feelings? Making her feel uncomfortable was an unbearable concept for him. So he loved her in silence. He was her best friend, and she was his, but nothing more. Despite how much both parties wished there was something more.

They had stayed in Ashland, Wisconsin for a little over two years while Esme gained more and more control of her thirst. She had reached a point where she could start reintegrating into society. But, that would be impossible in a town that thought she was dead. The three had decided on a small town an hour outside Prince Rupert. Carlisle would work in a hospital in town and Edward would go to classes at one of the newer universities. Socializing in a big city provided them a level of anonymity while residing in small towns allowed them to escape the constant threat of human blood. The house had been chosen. A small, mildly dilapidated, two-story nestled among tall trees and solitude. The location was perfect, Esme wouldn't be threatened by blood lust when at home but would still be able to associate with humans on a semi-regular basis. Although a new problem emerged with Esme's reintroduction to society.

Carlisle and Edward had been posing as brothers or brother in-laws. Two bachelors living together had raised a few eyebrows, but most paid no mind to the situation. Two bachelors living with a single woman, however, would hardly be ignored by good society. Drawing attention and scandal was the last thing three vampires attempting to be inconspicuous needed.

"Well, you surely can't pass as siblings," Edward said, sprawled on the loveseat looking towards Esme, who sat at the window. Neither Esme nor Carlisle asked why they couldn't pass as siblings. Their ages were correct, their looks were a little off, but humans accept the facts they're told. The way they looked at each other, however, would reveal they were not siblings, or just really really gross siblings.

"No, but you two could." Carlisle pointed out while he added another log to the fire.

"And you could be the orphan we adopted!" Edward chuckled, he looked over to Carlisle who was smiling to himself. Esme's face hadn't changed, she stayed staring out into the snowy yard. "Esme, do you have any ideas?" Edward asked, hoping to bring her attention back.

She shook her head, still staring out the window, and quietly said, "No, I'm just sorry that I've caused such trouble for you two."

Carlisle made his way from the fireplace at that. He took a seat by her side, at a humanly impossible speed. "I believe Edward holds the title of lead trouble maker, not you." He said just as quietly. She finally looked away from the window and smiled at him.

"We could be ex-circus performers!" Edward chuckled.

"We're surely strange enough." Carlisle laughed.

"That'd still be three single unrelated folks living together." Esme reminded them.

"No you and I are siblings, still! We could be the magic siblings, one reads minds and the other can run very fast." He said, finally sitting up. He pressed a finger to his temple, grinning, "I'll tell you what you're thinking right this moment." He paused for a moment as if he needed to wait to hear her thoughts. She stared at him, one eyebrow raised. "Hm, very interesting, very interesting," he said as he nodded, scanning her thoughts, which finally earned him a small smile.

"I could probably tell you what she's thinking, without the ability to read minds," Carlisle said.

"That this is a bunch of bogus and humans can't read minds?" She asked, grinning.

He laughed and nodded, "That this is a bunch of bogus and humans can't read minds."

Edward rolled his eyes at the two and slumped back into the couch. The two had spent the past two years completely enamored with each other but refused to act on their feelings. Which resulted in awkward flirting and cringeworthy interactions at times. Despite the troublesome thoughts he had to endure he rooted for the two. He couldn't say why precisely they just made sense together. They were the two kindest people he knew, in a world that was less than kind to them, they deserved a little good. He was strong in his belief vampires didn't have souls, so soulmates couldn't possibly exist for them. He watched the best man he ever knew work each and every single day to be a better man for her. To be a man that he deemed 'deserved' Esme, he started to believe. With that thought, he sprung back upright.

"I've got it!" He grinned as Esme and Carlisle tilted their heads in the same direction. "I'm Esme's younger brother she so lovingly took in and I live with her," he paused as he watched as their sincere curiosity turned into shock with his next words, "and her surgeon husband." He smirked as both stumbled for words."It's genius. There won't be a scandalous relationship but it also works to keep people away. Mothers will stop trying to set you up with their absolutely wonderful daughters," he mocked and pointed to Carlise, "and we won't have to chase away suitors coming for Esme." He smiled, thrilled at his brilliance, maybe this would finally push the two idiots together. "Unless," he drew out the word, "there's a reason you two object?"

"I-well, uh," Esme muttered, at a loss for words.

"You see, well, all I'm saying, uhm," Carlisle said at the same time.

"Perfect!" Edward smiled and clasped his hands together, "Meet the new Dr. and Mrs. Cullen!"

After a solid three minutes of silence, Carlisle pretty much whispered,"It is a good story," as he stared at the floor, unable to meet her eyes, "unless you object, of course."

"As long as you'd be comfortable, I see no problems," Esme said, as she stared at the same piece of dust on the floor.

"It'd be an honor." He said, as he finally looked up at Esme, who was smiling back at him.

"Now you have to make it believable," Edward butted in, scared the two would forget his presence, their thoughts already dangerously close. "Occasional hand-holding, promenades in the park, loving glances, cute pet names, etcetera. Yet, that doesn't seem like much of a detour from your current interactions." That last comment resulted in both sending him chastising thoughts, he only smiled back as he shook his head.

"Well, I better leave you two lovebirds to decide which mortifying story of how you met you'll use," and with that he raced out of the living room leaving the two to their inevitably uncomfortable conversation.