"And what is foxglove used for?" Rin asked pointing to the plant. Kagome tapped her finger to her chin for a moment in thought.
"Headaches, convulsions, wounds and burns, among other things." Kagome replied.
"That's right. Now, what is this plant called?"
"That's a chrysanthemum. It can be used for swelling, chest pains, fevers and colds."
"You know this Kagome." Rin said happily. "All of your knowledge is just bubbling to the surface."
"I don't know about that. I just remember it because you're a great teacher Rin."
"Mama! Cho's spitting at me!" Kimi shouted running past them with her younger sister running after with drool dripping from her chin.
"Ah, the joys of motherhood." Rin let out an exasperated sigh. "I will be right back. Cho! That's disgusting!" Kagome smiled watching her friend chase after her daughters.
"Such a shame." She heard a voice behind her. Keeping her back turned she stared at the plants in front of her tuning in her hearing. "Lady Kagome was such a beauty. Now look at the state of her."
"Yes, yes such a shame. To lose ones youthful appearance in such a way."
"I heard she is unable to access her powers she used for purification. If this is true then how will she ever be able to defend us from demons?"
Kagome lowered her head biting her lower lip hard enough to draw blood.
"Sorry about that." Rin said sitting back down beside her. "Kagome? Are you alright?"
"I'm just tired. I think I need to go home." She whispered out.
"Okay." Rin stood helping Kagome stand. Holding onto her hands she helped her steady herself before assisting her back to her home.
"Just help me sit by the tree at the edge of the stream." She said once they had arrived. It was grueling and painstakingly slow and Kagome was relieved when she finally sat.
"I don't think Lord Sesshomaru is back yet. Do you want me to sit with you?" Rin offered. Kagome shook her head once. "Alright. I'm not far if you need anything. I will see you tomorrow Kagome."
"Yeah, sure." She agreed wanting Rin to leave so she could bawl her eyes out in peace. Once she was sure the other woman was gone she let loose.
Taking deep sobs she tore away the strip of cloth she used and covered the injured side of her face with her hands pressing on the scars. Feeling sick to her stomach as she ran her fingers against the edges her empty eye socket.
"It's not fair!" She shouted. "Why did this have to happen to me?! Mama, I need you. Mama!"
A nudge on her shoulder startled her. Jumping slightly she met the gaze of two unmuzzled dragons. "What do you want?" She spat out.
One brought its head down to her nuzzling her hair while the other licked the hand covering her face. "You're a big dog, aren't you?" Her voice softened somewhat. "Hey! Don't chew my hair you crazy dragon!" Giggling despite the tears still streaming down her face.
Removing her hair from its mouth she relented. "Come here. Both of you." Scratching their heads behind their ears they plopped down next to her. "Sesshomaru said you guys were worried about me, thanks. Sorry I've been kind of mean to you."
"I just feel as if I woke up in someone else's life. Things are so different, I have no connection to anyone anymore it seems. It's like I was left behind but I wasn't. I had a life,I was independent. I had to have been to live here on my own."
"Now I can't even walk without help. I've become a burden to everyone. I don't know where I belong."
Sidling closer to her she wrapped an arm around one of the dragons neck burying her face in its mane. "I feel so lost and useless. All I want to do is run away, to go back home but this…this is my home."
"Kagome." Glancing to her side she couldn't help the relief that washed over her seeing Sesshomaru. If she could have run to greet him she would have.
"Sesshomaru." She whispered out.
"How did you make your way back?"
"Rin helped me." She replied moving her gaze to the waterfall. "I didn't want to be in the village anymore."
"Hn." Sitting beside her but still a comfortable distance away he knew she would begin to talk if he remained silent. That was an aspect of her personality that had not changed.
Sensing her distress he had flown to her quickly hearing her wails and scenting her tears on the wind. He was relieved that the dragons had been able to provide her with the comfort she had needed.
"I…overheard some of the villagers. They don't think that I can protect them like I used too and they're not wrong. Inuyasha told me that I had mastered my spiritual energy and used it like how Kikyo did but now…" Her hand instinctively flexed. "I have no idea how I did that."
"Your powers came to fruition through necessity. They were not harnessed easily as I recall and only seemed to manifest in moments of severe distress."
"I guess being kicked in the head by a horse wasn't distressing enough. Knowing that I had control over my abilities is frustrating but it's just one part of all of this."
"You asked me what my last memory was before I woke up. I wasn't sure, it was all fuzzy but now I know." She said. "It's stupid honestly." Taking a deep breath she smirked. "Inuyasha and I had a fight. I threatened to go home, it was something we would do…the back and forth. That's it."
"If I recall it was quite often that you both engaged in that type of banter." Sesshomaru mused.
"Yeah." Kagome turned her attention towards him. "Did we ever fight?"
"No. You finally laid all of your fears out for me, all miscommunications and follies of my own, and I walked away from you. If I had fought back then perhaps the outcome of our relationship would have been different."
"On the other hand you seemed to write off our mating and marriage as broken and not worth saving."
"That's so sad. Why didn't we fight for each other? If we loved one another…I don't understand."
"You never shared your feelings with me on the matter, we treated it afterwards once we became amicable towards one another as if we were never together in such a way."
"On my behalf I felt as if I had failed in something that seemed to be such a basic task as maintaining a mate that I could not face you for many months afterwards."
"So, your pride prevented you from confronting me."
"Yes."
"I wish that I could tell you what was going through my head but I don't remember." Kagome scoffed. "That should be my mantra."
"I am going to write that on a scroll for you." He said with a smirk. Kagome stared at him for a moment before letting out a laugh.
"Oh! You're making jokes now, at my expense." With a devious grin she cleared her throat. "If you make me a scroll that says that I'll hang it in the tea room behind my seat. That way when people come to visit me I can just point to it when they ask me a question."
Letting out a genuine laugh Sesshomaru smiled widely at her. "It's a deal then."
"There actually is something you could get for me that would be more practical." Kagome said shyly.
"Name it."
"I need something to cover my eye with, or where it used to be. There's no need for the bandages anymore but I don't want an eye patch like Kaede had."
"This one will procure something for you Kagome."
"Thank you Sesshomaru. Talking with you just makes me feel better. You're the only person I feel as if I can just be myself around."
"The feeling is mutual."
With the sky darkening to a grey Kagome began to complain about a pressure in her head. As the day dragged on and the sky became darker so did her mood.
Sesshomaru had brought Rin whom asked her questions and examined her explaining that the upcoming thunder storm may be affecting her in some way.
Kagome had never had an issue with storms prior and had enjoyed them. Now as she clutched her hands to her forehead it was all she could do to not scream as the pain became more intense.
As the rain splattered the ground Kagome breathed heavily gripping her neck tightly and shielding her eyes from any intrusive light, not that there was any in her sleeping room as it was situated in the middle of her home.
Coaxing her to lay down she had curled into the fetal position clutching the sides of her head. As the day waned on she was reduced to nearly nothing.
Curled up in the soft fur of the moko-moko Kagome shuddered in pain. The intensity that assaulted her head made her sick to her stomach leaving her unwilling to take any food.
None of the teas that Rin had brought did much good to control it as her skull felt as if it were going to burst open from the mind numbing pressure.
Ensuring she had been surrounded by comfort it did little to help. Sitting close by Sesshomaru remained still and quiet not wanting to cause her any further discomfort.
Encouraging her to drink water was a task that more than once had resulted in her spitting it back up. He wanted to soothe her, to hold her to him and take these terrible after effects of her injury away but knew it was only wishful thinking.
"I can't do this." She whispered out. "Living like this for eternity." Reaching his hand out to her back he placed his palm flat against her shoulder blades and rubbed gently. "Kill me."
"No." Removing his hand he laid down behind her molding his body to hers and wrapping an arm around her tightly. Her body trembled as she whimpered.
Placing his face in her hair he breathed her scent in. Being so close to her only reaffirmed his decision to commit fully to her care. "I cannot live without you." He murmured.
Kagome sagged against him finding his hand that lay across her and squeezed it hard.
"I need to tell you something." Kagome stood at the wooden rail outside staring out into the distance. "I'm still in love with Inuyasha."
"There has been a part of you that always did." Sesshomaru stated.
"And you were okay with that?"
"If I were not then I never would have engaged in an intimate relationship with you."
"So, we slept together then? I mean we must have, we were married…"
"Whether you are referring to this one or Inuyasha the answer is yes. He was the one you mated first."
"Mated. You make it sound so sterile." Sitting herself down slowly she sighed out. "I'm so mad. I don't remember having sex with you or Inuyasha or anyone else for that matter."
"To my knowledge it was only the two of us."
"Alright, I've made my decision." Determination set in her tone she turned her body to look at him. "I want to have sex with you."
"Come again?" Sesshomaru felt his eyes widen as his jaw become slightly lax.
"You heard me." She reaffirmed. "You said that you would do anything for me, that you love me so let's do it."
"It is for the wrong reasons." Sesshomaru regained his composure feeling a weight fall upon him. "You simply want too to get it done."
"And? Don't people do it like all the time just for the hell of it?"
"This one does not." He replied.
"Yeah right. You must have had demon girls all over you all the time."
"Kagome you are the only one." He said. "Before I courted you there was no other. In all matters of physical initimacy you are the only person I have ever been with."
"I…took your…virginity?" She gasped out dumbstruck.
"Yes."
"And I was just, okay with that?"
"At the time you were not aware. It wasn't until we went our separate ways that I told you."
"Wow, why didn't you tell me?" Kagome asked curiously.
"It did not come up."
"Tell me, about our first time together."
"It was the day that Rin birthed Kimi. Once she was settled you came back to the hut you lived in and were upset." Sesshomaru closed his eyes allowing the memory to play out in front of him. "You wanted a child and believed we would never have one, that this one would not procreate with you given it would be a half breed."
"Up until that point we had been courting with the next step being to mate. I asked you if you would accept me." Standing up suddenly Sesshomaru took a deep steadying breath moving off of the deck onto the ground. He took a few steps before turning back towards her.
"Are you okay?" Kagome took in his pained wistful expression he wore plainly on his face.
"I want too, more than anything. I never want to let you go but I will not simply have sex with you and cheapen what we once had." Sesshomaru turned back towards the stream and the waterfall lowering his head slightly. "Do you require anything Kagome?"
"No, thank you."
"Then I will go to the village to see Rin."
"Okay. I'll see you when you get back." Knowing that he needed space she watched as he walked off. She felt awful for putting him through that. "He loves me so much and I just tortured him. Good one Kagome, tell the poor guy who said he would give you any star in the sky that you're in love with his brother and then tell him to screw you."
Laying down on the warm wood she stared up at the sky watching the clouds mulling over her thoughts.
"It makes sense, I mean her brains in the past so as far as she's concerned she still has a thing going for me." Inuyasha said sitting on his haunches. Sesshomaru leaned with his arms crossed against a tree. "She's been nothing but friendly every time we go see her but I know it's hard for her. How's she with you?"
"Amicable. Grateful for the help and what is provided for her. She seeks comfort on her bad days which is given." Sesshomaru sighed out audibly. "I miss her, my Kagome."
"Everyone does." Inuyasha offered. "I'm starting to get really ticked off with how some of these people been talking about her."
"Explain." Sesshomaru said quickly going to full attention.
"Just how she won't be able to protect them with her spiritual powers anymore, okay fine I get that, but a lot of them just keep saying how sad it is that she's not pretty like she used to be. Like that's important after everything she's done for them and what she went through saving some little shit head kid."
Clenching his teeth Sesshomaru felt his anger rise to his throat. How dare these humans judge his mate. She did not belong to any of them. She was his alone.
The terrible realization hit him that she must have at some point overheard some of them speaking. She had said they did talk about her spiritual abilities and the lack there of so naturally she must have heard them speak of her physical condition as well.
"I believe it would be best to take Kagome away for some time. Perhaps it would help her emotional well being." Sesshomaru said tersely.
"That's a good idea. Get her mind off of things." Inuyasha nodded once in agreement. "Need anything from us?"
"If you would Inuyasha ask your mate to prepare provisions for a couple of weeks for Kagome. This one will speak to Rin and acquire whatever herbs she may need for an extended trip."
"I'm on it." Inuyasha stood to his full height. "I know this has been hard on ya' but we're all right here, if anything."
"It does not go unappreciated."
A/N: Thank you for the reviews. Glad that people are enjoying the story. Happy reading.