"Good morning everyone." The instructor greeted as they walked in the room.
"Why is Cheery looking like they are about to give this training?" Alex asked J'onn.
"Agent Munroe is our most qualified forensics expert." J'onn reminded her.
"But lacking interpersonal skills." Alex reminded him.
"Yet has the name Cheery." J'onn said.
"Yeah, that's not a reflection of personality." Alex said.
"They are very good at their job." J'onn went on.
"I know, but that doesn't mean they are good at training."
"Munroe wanted to run it." J'onn said.
"He did?" Kara asked surprised. "I thought he hated leaving the lab."
"He is trying to develop." J'onn said. "I just hope today doesn't put him off."
"As you are aware, there have been recent issues at crime scenes. Something I have warned about for years. Even more so after Supergirl joined the DEO." Munroe started.
"Does Maggie have a lost twin or something?" Kara whispered to Alex as Cheery went on.
"But seeing the complete lack of skill and care got one of you arrested, apparently the DEO care enough to provide training. Today we will cover the Dos and Don'ts of crime scenes. First I am going to show you a video. You all have a sheet of paper and pen. I want you to write down everything that is wrong with what happens." He said starting the film.
"This is CSI." Kara said excitedly as the video started.
"Yes, Crime Scene Imbeciles." Munroe confirmed.
"Why is it that everyone in this place wants to ruin things I like? First Landon now Cheery." Kara grumbled. "And why do we never get snacks? At CatCo we get get coffee and snacks."
"CatCo isn't a government agency." J'onn reminded her.
"Hearing is an important sense. Use it." The instructor snapped, causing the trio to watch the video.
-00-
"I change my mind, this is like the best training ever." Kara said as video stopped. "I mean no matter what happens we spent forty two minutes watching CSI."
"And now we will spend an hour dissecting it." Munroe said. "Okay I want everyone to write the issues they saw on the flip charts. Start writing. You need to list at least seventy five mistakes before we move on."
"Seventy five?" Kara asked.
"How many do you have?" Alex asked.
"Ten. You?"
"Ninety." Alex shrugged.
"Ninety thats like two a minute." Kara exclaimed.
"You have found ninety?" Cheery asked Alex.
"Yes."
"Let me see."
As Alex handed Cheery the sheet of paper Cheery asked. "Anyone else with more than seventy?"
In response J'onn raised his hand and said. "One hundred and two."
"Well, so you don't ruin it for everyone else, I suggest you go and grab a coffee." Cheery said handing the sheet back to Alex. "Everyone else start writing."
-00-
"It has been ninety minutes." J'onn said as he and Alex grabbed another coffee. "I had no idea that the team had become so unskilled."
"I'm not sure that is the issue." Alex said looking over at the training room.
"How else would it take so long to come up with seventy five errors. They should have all identified them from the start."
"True, but the current delay may not be their fault."
"Then what?" J'onn asked.
"Have you noticed who is doing the talking in there?"
"Munroe and …" J'onn said looking. "And Kara."
"Yeah, my guess is this has turned into a debate about CSI rather than crime scenes. Munroe's lack of experience may be showing." Alex said. "I mean when Kara gets side tracked she can take everyone with her."
"That's true." J'onn said. "We should go back in."
"Or we could leave them to it." Alex suggested.
"We go back in." J'onn said standing.
-00-
"Dr Munroe, maybe it is time to move things along?" J'onn said entering the room.
"But we haven't covered the list."
"At this rate you won't cover anything." J'onn said.
"Fine. Next up role play. One of you will be the victim. One of you will be the murderer and one of you will work forensics. Supergirl?" Munroe asked.
"Yes." Supergirl replied.
"Because I can't cope with anymore CSI quotes, you will be the victim. Remember victims don't speak." He then looked round the room and pointed at Landon. "You, you will be the murderer."
"Sounds about right." Alex muttered.
"First up, we'll keep it simple. Here is a gun, I want you to shoot Supergirl." The instructor went on.
"When you say gun?" Alex asked.
"It fires blanks."
"You sure? Because I have seen this movie." Landon said. "Someone way have switched it."
"You are referencing Hallmark movies?" Supergirl asked.
"Corpses don't talk." The instructor said.
"He's not killed me yet." Supergirl pointed out.
"Then pretend he has sedated you." Cheery said.
"Then why shoot me?" Kara asked.
"What?"
"If I am sedated why shoot me? Why not drug me to death? If you are shooting you don't need to sedate."
"Don't worry about why." Cheery said.
"Isn't motive really important?" Supergirl asked.
"Right now we are demonstrating evidence transfer."
"Locard's principle." Supergirl said.
"Yes."
"That's in like every CSI episode." Supergirl pointed out.
"You're sedated." The instructor snapped before handing the gun to Landon. "Now shoot her."
"What if there is a bullet in this?" He asked.
"She's bullet proof."
"What if is Kryptonite?"
"Why would I give you a gun with Kryptonite?"
"Because you find Supergirl's CSI obsession annoying?" Landon suggested.
"Is that transference?" Alex asked Winn. "I meant of desires and issues not evidence."
"Just shoot." The instructor snapped.
"Fine." Landon said firing, half expecting Alex to shoot him before he had the chance. But when she didn't he opened his eyes and saw Supergirl lying on the ground.
"Okay, what evidence might have been transferred?" Cheery asked.
"GSR, skin cells, blood, sweat, fingerprints." Various agents shouted out.
"Good." The instructor said before looking at Winn. "Okay, you are first on scene, what do you do?"
"Why would I be first on scene? I live here, next to a computer. I mean I don't live, live, here, but it sure feels like I live here sometimes. But anyway I am not a field mouse?"
"As Dr Landon proved anyone can end up at a crime scene." Munroe said.
"Especially if you make it one and let's face it you and James break the law most evenings." Alex whispered to him.
"Aren't you meant to be targeting Landon not me?" Winn asked.
"You're my warm up." Alex shrugged as the instructor said.
"Any time Mr Schott. Get up here and show me what you would do." Cheery said as Winn reluctantly stood and walked towards Kara.
"So she's dead?" Winn asked looking at Supergirl who lay on the ground.
"Yes. You are first here what do you do?"
"Are we sure she is dead?"
"Yes. Her body is decomposing and surrounded by bodily fluid."
"Gross." Kara said.
"Ok, well then I'd vomit." Winn said.
"Good." Cheery said.
"That I'd vomit?" Winn asked confused.
"No, that you recognise that you'd vomit. Now the important thing is not to contaminate the crime scene so what do you do?"
"Vomit over there?"
"No. Do you have any idea how far moisture particles from vomit go?"
"No."
"Nearly ten feet."
"Gross." Kara mumbled again.
"Corpses don't speak." Cheery snapped again before looking at Winn and saying "So go far away and vomit in a bag. When done, come back and start again."
"Ok." Winn said.
"Now, what do you do?"
"Look around for clues?"
"No. You prevent the scene being contaminated. You seal the perimeter. Then and only then you can thing about going in."
"Okay. Perimeter secure." Winn said walking towards Kara.
"Stop." Cheery said sharply. "You are the contaminant. You wear a Tyvek suit and booties. And then most importantly gloves. Latex is your friend. Always make sure you wear rubber." He said as Kara sniggered.
"So now you are not a contaminant. What do you think happened?"
"She was shot from there?" Winn said.
"Why do you think that?"
"I saw Landon do it."
"Pretend you didn't."
"Blood splatter."
"We don't wet finger here." Cheery snapped.
"I don't remember CSI being this dirty." Kara said to Winn who was crouched by her.
"Stick to the facts." Cheery said ignoring Kara. "Blood splatter analysis takes hours."
"Doesn't in CSI." Kara said quietly.
"For the last time corpses don't talk." Cheery said.
"Except this is the DEO and we deal with some really weird stuff." Winn pointed out. "I mean even if you accept ghosts don't exist, her dead body could be being controlled and that-"
"Mr Schott." J'onn interrupted. "Let's assume this is a normal crime scene."
"Then why would we be there?" Another Agent asked before seeing J'onn's glare and falling silent.
-00-
"Okay, Dr Landon, this time I want you to kill Supergirl in a way you think will not transfer evidence." Cheery said after thirty minutes of correcting Winn.
"Okay, I'll be right back." He said disappearing.
"Where are you going?" The instructor shouted before looking round the room confused. Finally Landon came back holding a leaflet that he put in front of Kara. He then went back and sat down, leaving the instructor confused.
"You are meant to be killing her."
"I gave her a takeout leaflet. Tonight it is all you can eat. If she cleans the restaurant out not even her heart can cope. The leaflet was in the rec room so everyone will have touched it at some point so there is a reason why my prints are on it. And as far as everyone knows she asked me to get the leaflet. Everything past this point is self inflicted. Hence I'm innocent."
"You've given this a lot of thought." Alex said suspiciously.
-00-
"What's wrong with you?" Maggie asked as she entered Kara's apartment where she was binge eating ice cream. "It's unlike you to turn down an all you can eat buffet."
"Yeah, well then I learned Landon was trying to use it to kill me." Kara said.
"What?" Maggie asked confused.
"It's how he said he wanted to kill Kara." Alex said.
"Apparently he thinks gluttony is the ultimate weapon." Lena said.
"Yet you are eating a gallon of ice cream." Maggie said to Kara.
"I need comfort food. I spent the afternoon being killed."
"Why?" Maggie asked.
"The instructor didn't like me."
"Were you teaching the course?" Lena asked Maggie who rolled her eyes at her.
"Everyone likes you." Maggie pointed out to Kara.
"No, she's right." Alex said. "They didn't like all the CSI quotes so turned her into the murder victim."
"Then everyone helped Landon plan the perfect murder, my murder." Kara said.
"I assume by everyone you don't mean Alex." Lena said.
"No, even Alex joined in." Kara said eating another scoop of ice cream.
"Here we go." Maggie said sensing the direction the conversation was going to take.
"Landon set it all up. He screwed up at a crime scene, forced us to take training and then duped us into killing Kara." Alex said. "And provide him with the best way of doing it."
"And there we have it." Maggie muttered.
"Maybe we should play conspiracy bingo?" Lena suggested. "Or conspiracy shots?"
"I'm not Alex, my liver couldn't handle it." Maggie pointed out.