I Only Do the Spiderman Shit in Nice Weather
Chapter 20
STEPHANIE
The door clicked closed, and I blew out a breath. I could do this. Hell, my sister Valerie did this with 4 kids, surely I could handle one really cute one. Che continued banging the blocks together and slapping down the little towers I built, and I glanced at my watch. It was 5:10. It was then I realized the giant flaw in my plan – I literally had NO idea of this kid's normal schedule. It wasn't a question of IF he had a schedule; I'd spent enough time with Ranger and a week in Jamaica with his family, all of whom live and die by a schedule. Seriously, there were leather bound itineraries – SCHEDULES for fuck's sake – on the vacation! No one with Manoso blood would ever be "go with the flow", and I was sure Che was included. Realizing I was actually ready for some dinner myself, I stood up to go into the kitchen. Che hopped up and followed me, right on my heels. I stopped at the freezer and felt a smack on my ass. Che was standing there holding both hands straight up over his head.
"Ups!" he shouted. I obliged and opened the freezer.
There was a full ice bin, a couple bags of frozen berries, and a package of boneless, skinless chicken breasts. No Ella frozen casseroles. Damn.
"Nothing for dinner there," I said as Che's chubby little hand slid into the unbuttoned V of my polo shirt and skimmed across the top of my breast. "Hey man, watch the hands!" I redirected his hand, and it came to rest of my neck.
The fridge didn't have much better news. Chopped fruits and veggies, cheeses, all the salad stuff you could imagine, bagels, cream cheese, low-fat milk, bottles of water, and a 6-pack of Blue Moon beer. I was sure I couldn't just feed the kid a bagel for dinner, so I went to Plan B and called the control room.
"Control Room," Brett answered. I was glad it was someone I had met before so they wouldn't think I was completely insane.
"Hey, it's Stephanie," I said. "What's in the breakroom for dinner right now?" I asked, cutting right to the chase.
"We ran out of Ella casseroles, so we ordered in," Brett said.
"Great! I was starting to freak out about what I was going to feed Che," I said in a rush. "Can you…" I started, but Brett cut me off.
"I'm not sure the Little Man would be able to eat it, Plum," he said easily. "We got wings from that new place that sells them without the breading, so they're actually allowed in the building without breaking the rules. But they're all hot or inferno."
"Seriously?!"
"Sorry, Plum. We didn't know we needed to order for a toddler."
"It's not your fault. Thanks anyway," I said and disconnected. I debated for a full 5 minutes before I called back to the Control Room. I definitely had to leave the Penthouse to find dinner. I could do a drive thru, but that seemed a tad irresponsible in my first hour as a caregiver. As much as I didn't want to do it, the best thing I could do was go to dinner at my parents' house. If nothing else, there would be a homecooked meal and people who could at least give me a general idea of a toddler's schedule. I just hoped I wouldn't get the damn third degree, since I hadn't been to dinner since I'd returned from Jamaica. And I hadn't exactly been forthcoming with Mom and Grandma that I went on the trip with Ranger.
"Yo," Brett said when he picked up. I guess he checked the Caller ID this time.
"Did the kid come with a car seat?" I asked.
"It's installed in one of the fleet cars," he replied. Thank fuck I didn't have to figure out how to install it!
"Great," I said. "I'm going to head out for dinner with Che in a few minutes," I said. "Can someone bring me the keys?"
"Err, uh, I don't have an extra vehicle tonight, Stephanie," he said, and I frowned. "Are you OK to ride with your escort instead of having him tail you in another car?"
Shit! I forgot I was supposed to have an escort anytime I wasn't at the PD or at Rangeman. The Chief and Sarge had both taken the time to remind me of that today. Fuckity fuck.
"Shit," I said. "I forgot."
"Shit!" Che parroted.
I snapped my mouth closed, and Brett laughed in my ear. "Better watch what you say, Plum, or the kid's gonna go back home with a pretty colorful vocabulary."
"Cut me a break," I pleaded. "I've been in charge of the kid for all of fifteen minutes! Who all went with Ranger's team? Do you have someone free to go with me?"
"Of course," he said easily. "Most of the Core Team went… Ranger, Tank, Brown, Santos, Hector, Cal, and Binkie. I have Tiego between patrols at the moment, he could go with you."
"Thanks," I said. "I guess I'll meet him in the garage."
I took Che into the bedroom to change out of my work clothes. I set him on the middle of the bed and settled on leggings and a tunic top, figuring I might as well be comfortable if I was going to be on the floor playing or chasing a toddler. I stripped off my shirt and pants and spritzed some perfume between my breasts.
"Pretty!" Che chirped and I thought belatedly maybe I shouldn't have changed clothes in front of him. Had I just scarred the kid for life? This kid is a Manoso through and through.
"You're quite the little charmer, aren't you?" I said, and Che gave me a wide smile.
He really was freaking cute. I quickly got dressed and slipped into my favorite pair of Toms and grabbed my purse. I led Che back to the living room where I searched the bags until I found a diaper bag. It had diapers, wipes, Desitin cream, and extra clothes, and I couldn't think of anything else we would need during dinner. I looped the bag around the shoulder opposite my purse, picked up Che and settled him on my hip and waited on the elevator down to take us down to the garage. And that's when I smelled it. It seemed that dear, sweet Che needed a new diaper. Desperately. I blew out a sigh and went back into the Penthouse. Fifteen minutes later, after the drama of figuring out which side of the diaper went in the front and using far too many wipes, Che was once again fresh and clean, and we called the elevator for a second time to head to dinner. I hadn't met Tiego yet, but as soon as the elevator doors opened, a tall, dark-haired guy stood by an SUV with the backdoor open and a car seat inside.
"Tiego," I said, walking over.
"Nice to meet you, ma'am," he said in a gloriously sexy accent that I couldn't quite place.
"Please, call me Stephanie, Steph, or if you must, Plum," I said. "Ma'am makes me feel old."
"Yes, ma'am," he said, and moved aside so I could put Che into the car seat. After a good five minutes of me trying to figure out how the hell the damn straps went together, Tiego cleared his throat.
"Sorry," I said. "I think you must need an electrical engineering degree to put these damn things on."
"No worries, Steph," he said easily, sliding beside me. "I've had a bit of practice with my nieces and nephews. Let me help you out."
I gladly stepped aside and watched while he fastened the straps and buckles in – I kid you not – less than 15 seconds. I rolled my eyes and climbed into the passenger seat. I gave Tiego directions to my parent's house in the 'Burg and was pleasantly surprised when he continued the conversation as we drove. I finally asked about his accent and learned he had just moved to Jersey from Brazil a few months before. He started at Rangeman almost immediately, and this was his first month off probation and running patrols. He was hoping to move his sister and her family up here soon. He slid to a stop in front of my parent's house and I realized I'd overlooked one small thing. It was Friday night, which meant my sister Valerie was here with her husband, Albert, and their four – yes four! – kids.
"Fuc—uudge!" I said, and Tiego laughed.
"You'll be fine, Plum," he said. "I'll be right here whenever you're ready to leave."
"You're welcome to come inside," I said honestly.
"Yeah, I'm good right here," he said. "No offense."
"None taken," I replied with a smile. "Thanks for bringing us."
I entered the house, which was in pure pandemonium, until Che and I stepped through the door. It went eerily quiet as Grandma, Mom, and Valerie stared at me with their mouths wide open.
"Look! Aunt Stephanie is here with a baby!" Angie called out the obvious from her spot on the floor where she was playing Candyland with her little sister, Lisa. Mary Alice galloped around the living room, living her best life. Valerie had her youngest – Bert – strapped to her chest in some sort of contraption with buckles and straps.
"It's 5:59," I said. "Shouldn't we sit down for dinner? This is Che, by the way. Do you still have the highchair set up in the dining room?" Bert wasn't big enough to need a highchair yet, and 3-year-old Lisa rarely used it anymore.
"Of course we do!" Grandma said, and she bustled off to add two more plates to the table.
Dad gave me a hug, then pulled back and gave me a quizzical look when he realized I had a toddler in my arms.
"It's a long story," I said. "I'll tell everyone at once."
By 6:03 dinner was on the table, and we were all crammed around the dining room table, passing pot roast, gravy, mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, green beans, macaroni and cheese, and yeast rolls. I filled my plate and Che's and set to work cutting his food into what I assumed were toddler-sized pieces.
"What are you doing?" Valerie asked me.
"What?" I asked, pausing as I cut the soft carrots.
"You're giving him carrots and green beans," she said. "He won't eat them. See Lisa's plate? Macaroni, potatoes, and a roll. That's how kids eat, Stephanie. I can't believe anyone would have you watch their child."
"Hey, I may not have kids of my own, but I'm not incompetent!" I defended myself as I cut the pot roast.
"I don't know, Steph," Valerie continued. "I don't mean you're incompetent, but seriously, you haven't even kept a houseplant alive."
"Well, luckily, I don't have to know anything about photosynthesis to keep a human alive. I figure if I feed him whenever I'm hungry and put him to bed to sleep when I'd normally sleep at night that he'll probably be alive in the morning."
Val actually rolled her eyes. "The proof is right there on his plate! You don't even know what kids eat."
"Oh, well, if he doesn't like it, he won't eat it, I guess," I said, nudging the plate toward Che. He gave me a cheeky smile.
"Tank you!" he said, picking up the fork. I watched as he carefully stabbed a bite of pot roast and dipped it in gravy. "Mmm!" he said as he put it into his mouth.
"What manners!" Mom said, completely charmed.
"So, how'd you end up with this kid?" Grandma said as everyone else dug in.
"His babysitter got sick, and there was no one else available," I said. "And his backup got called into work unexpectedly, so I'm hanging out with Che tonight."
"Who's is he?" Valerie wanted to know.
"Um, he's Ranger's nephew."
"Unca Los-los!" Che said, testing a bite of potatoes and gravy.
"Right, Carlos," I corrected myself. "He's Carlos' nephew."
"Carlos?" Mom asked.
"Ranger – Carlos Manoso," I said. "I met him at the station."
"Oh my God, you're dating a convict!" Mom lamented.
"No, Mother! He owns his own security company, and I met him because he does fugitive apprehension. In fact, that's what he's doing right now," I said, hoping for a diversion with the topic change. "He's looking for Joe Morelli, who didn't show up for his preliminary hearing at court today."
"Yes, the phone's been ringing off the hook!" Grandma said. "Lottie Johnson said Bella and Angie Morelli skipped the noon mass they always attend! And they've closed all the curtains, even on the front of their house."
"So you and Carlos are dating?" Mom asked, completely ignoring the Morelli topic.
"Yeah," I said, shoveling in a deliberately large bit of meat. I motioned to my mouth giving the universal I'm chewing here signal for people to continue the conversation and not wait on my response. They didn't oblige.
I cleared my throat and pulled up my big girl pants. "Yes, Mom, Carlos and I are dating."
"And you haven't introduced us because?" she said, accusation dripping from her voice.
"For one, I didn't want him to get scared away when you started talking about marriage and more grandbabies."
"That was pretty terrifying," Albert piped in, and Valerie elbowed him in the ribs. "Oof!" he exhaled. "I mean, not terrifying like Nightmare on Elm Street or anything, more terrifying like those chihuahuas that foam at the mouth and growl."
"You think my mother is a rabid dog?!" Valerie was horrified.
"No, no! I just meant it was like something you'd be concerned about, but it was more like protective like a Mama Bear, which made me know that I'd better be good to you because she was looking out for you, like a little bear cub."
"Aww, Cuddle Umpkins!" Val cooed and leaned in for a sloppy kiss.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes and snuck a look at Che's plate and smiled in triumph. The carrots, green beans, and pot roast were all gone, along with half the mashed potatoes. The macaroni looked like it hadn't been touched, and the roll had 1 bite taken out of the very top. I smiled. Looks like the Manoso genes extend to the eating habits, too. Che was mostly clean, too, unlike Lisa who had mashed potatoes in her hair and macaroni in her ear. Mom brought a chocolate cake to the table.
"Chocolate!" Che said, and I laughed when he licked his lips. I guess he had a sweet tooth too.
Mom cut generous pieces for everyone, and we all dug in. She sat down and smiled sweetly.
"How long have you and Carlos been seeing each other, Stephanie?" she asked.
"Um," I stalled, turning my attention to Che and mentally cursing when he was deftly using his fork to eat his cake. "A while," I finished vaguely.
"A month? Three months? Longer? When did you meet him?" she asked rapid-fire while Valerie's older girls quickly finished their cake and left the table.
"I met him my first week at TPD," I admitted, and Mom sucked in a breath.
"You go girl!" Grandma said.
"You started there in March, Stephanie! And you haven't thought to mention it this whole time? It's been almost 6 months!" Mom said.
"I mean, I didn't start dating him the first day I met him," I said. "It was kind of a gradual thing." There, that's mostly a true statement.
"Is it serious?" Mom asked.
"Oh, the kids do need cousins, Steph!" Valerie chimed in.
"Why is there a man in a black SUV in our driveway?" Mary Alice yelled from the living room.
Thank you, Mary Alice! You always were my favorite.
"That's my ride," I said. "He had already eaten and didn't want to intrude, so he's just waiting in the car."
Dad studied me, while mentally reading between the lines. "Want to explain why you have a bodyguard?" he asked. Damn, I was hoping he wasn't paying attention.
"Well, uh, Joe Morelli went FTA today and the Chief was a little concerned because of our history, that he might seek me out. So, he asked Rangeman to keep a man with me until Morelli is brought in."
"Rangeman?" Mom asked, putting two and two together and getting four. "Your boyfriend's company?"
I nodded. "Well, if I promise to get a rabies shot beforehand, will you bring Carlos to dinner soon, Stephanie?" she asked, shooting a thinly veiled dirty look at Albert. His cheeks bloomed with color, and he shifted nervously in his seat.
"All done!" Che announced, giving me a much needed out from the conversation. "Go play?"
I quickly wiped his hands and the tiny bit of frosting he'd gotten on his cheek and unstrapped him from the chair. "Sure, buddy. Go play," I said when I was finished.
I realized it was getting late, and I probably should head back to Haywood sooner than later. I quickly gathered our things, said goodbyes to everyone, and scooped up Che. I was on the front porch when Mom caught me and handed me a bag of leftovers.
"Text me, Stephanie. I want a date when Carlos is coming to dinner with you."
"Mmm-hmm," I hummed and dashed for the car. "Good night!"
Tiego drove us back to Rangeman, and Che chattered in the backseat the whole trip. I checked my phone, hoping to get some sort of update from Ranger, but there were no new messages waiting for me. When I asked, Tiego said he hadn't gotten any updates either. Once we were back at Haywood, we made a quick stop in the Control Room, where Brett confirmed that the team hadn't returned or made contact with any updates. I nodded my thanks and took Che upstairs to the Penthouse to get ready for bed.
Unfortunately, the Penthouse didn't have a tub, just a giant shower, so I adjusted the spray and gave him a quick rinse, while also getting myself soaked in the process. I wrapped him in one of Ranger's giant, fluffy white towels and carted him to the living room. I situated him onto the couch and clicked on the TV, and after a few minutes I was logged into Disney+ and I started the Trolls movie for Che. It was one of my niece's favorites, so I thought it might keep him entertained while I figured out how to get the rest of the damn portable crib put together. I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty damn nervous about it, given my track record with the car seat debacle!
Ten minutes later, I had the crib put together with a fresh sheet on it, and I carefully wheeled the thing into Ranger's office. It was a huge room, so there was plenty of space for the crib. I maneuvered it into the corner and went back to the living room to get Che dressed for bed. I realized he'd been pretty quiet while I was working, and I was hoping he hadn't fallen asleep watching the movie. I rounded to the front of the couch and cursed. The towel lay flat and damp across the couch. On the TV Branch scowled, and Poppy sang about how it was going to be a fantastic day.
And Che? Yeah, well, he was nowhere to be seen.