Loves, this chapter has a trigger warning! You can find it at the end of the chapter.

Huge thanks to these two amazing ladies: CoppertopJ and gabby1017!

And a very special 'thank you' to Wh1teOw1! She is an incredibly talented artist, who decided to make the most amazing art piece for this story, capturing its essence perfectly. You can find it - as well as many, many other amazing illustrations that she made - on Tumblr and Deviantart, under the username Wh1teOw1. Trust me, you won't regret it!

Now let's get going, this chapter has been anticipated for quite some time, so I hope you like it!

Sharing a cab with Bella burned in a hundred different ways.

I quickly regretted choosing this option over walking, just because it was faster and she insisted I could no longer walk around with my drenched shirt on, considering the strange looks I had been getting from the few people that were still on the streets. Walking would have taken longer, since we still had to keep a human pace, but it sure as hell wouldn't have been as tormenting. Still, it made me grateful that I had left my car in the parking lot, because being in a car with Bella without witnesses would have been an even greater challenge.

We were closer now than before, and having her scent trapped in the car was a challenge for my senses. Throughout the years, the memory of this narcotic mix of lavender and spun sugar had not left me. But imagining it barely compared to bathing in it and trying my best to hide the fact that the scent alone was enough to get me hard. Although I could not really blame it on her fragrance alone - truth be told, I had been at various levels of hard since I laid eyes on her in the party tent.

We didn't talk, the presence of the cab driver being enough of a deterrent. Not talking was a safe thing to do, all things considered. Risking the occasional glance at her and getting caught, however, was most definitely not. She always seemed to be aware of when my eyes wandered; and if my mind was not playing tricks on me, she even smiled when she caught me staring at the place where her dress ended and her skin revealed itself, covered in only a thin cream coloured stocking.

The electricity was fizzing between us, in a way that demanded attention. But there was only one particular type of attention it wanted, and neither of us dared to acknowledge it. When I realized that there was no fighting it back, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to picture exactly what I wanted to do to her - all things that would have demanded me to knock out the taxi driver, to preserve her modesty.

I was willing to bet that if my heart still functioned, it would have caused an earthquake with its pulse right now.

Sooner than I was ready, the trip ended. I was pulled back to reality when I had to pay and get out. Bella was already outside, leaving me no chance to open her door, like I had intended to. She stopped to analyze the old facade of the building, and I stopped to analyze her. It seemed that her hair had unexpected orange hues under the light of the street lamp. I closed my hands into tight fists, to make sure that they remained in place instead of reaching out to brush the orange strands of hair behind her ear.

Fuck, I had to get myself together. I reminded myself of the endgame of this visit, and reached to grab my keys.

"Shall we go inside?" I asked, and I wished there was an 'off' switch for my ever growing excitement.

"Yes, lead the way."

I held the door open for her, watching her from behind and feeling grateful that my jacket reached to cover the curve of her bottom - no additional distractions, thank God. Once inside, I browsed through the low-buzzing thoughts of the sleeping residents, concentrating on one particular thread. I was surprised to hear Louise's thoughts loud and clear, not a hint of the blur that was usually caused by dreaming. She was awake now, fumbling through her house, her mind occupied by thoughts of her son's incoming visit. She didn't seem to be in physical pain, but there was still distress underlining her every thought.

"Do you usually take the elevator or…?" Bella queried, getting my attention.

"No, let's take the stairs."

This time, I walked in front of her. I used this as an opportunity to set the issue in my pants straight, by grabbing my erection quickly and tucking it behind the waistband of my jeans. Bella followed quietly, until we reached the last floor. Nervousness took over my body as I realized there was still dust hiding in every corner of the apartment - but at least there was nothing conspicuous, considering the insanity in my letters was well hidden in my copy of 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame', facing the wall.

"Look, it may be a little dusty," I warned her.

"That's fine, I don't mind dust."

With her encouraging smile as a guide, I unlocked the door and motioned her to go inside first. I followed her, closing the door behind me and not quite believing that this was real. Bella, in my apartment. It felt unbelievably good to watch her eyes moving around, observing the little foyer.

I helped her out of my jacket, making sure for the second time around that my fingers remained away from her body. Her hair and clothes were still damp, which only served to make her look unfairly tempting. The impulse to tell her that she could borrow some of my clothes, as loose-fitting as they would be, was strong, which meant that it needed to be suffocated while I still had time.

"Come on, I'll show you around," I said.

She agreed, following me towards the living room. I turned on the light, revealing the book shelves stacking the wall, the upright piano, the desk full of empty papers, the trash can still containing my crumpled unfinished letter to her.

"This is where I spend most of my time when I'm home."

"It looks so welcoming," she replied, stepping in further, looking up at the steep slope of the ceiling. "But why are the blinds closed?"

"I just like it better this way," I answered, not going into full detail in regards to my preference. Admitting that I found no use in admiring the Rochester panorama without her here was not something I was willing to share.

Going by her frown, she didn't seem convinced by my response, but she let it slide. We quickly went over the kitchen I never used and the bathroom that had been witness to what all the unending fantasies of Bella could do to me, before stepping inside the only bedroom: spacious, with a large wooden wardrobe and a sturdy king size bed I never touched.

"This would have been useful in another lifetime," she smiled, but the next second her eyes widened, realizing her little blunder. "For sleep, I mean."

"I bet."

She walked towards the window, once again appearing conflicted by the closed blinds. This time, however, she said nothing.

"So… books?" I asked, my nerves already on pins and needles.

"Yes, please."

Out of the bedroom, back into the living room, I felt ready to burst from the tension. It had wrapped around every atom in my body, so tightly that it threatened to make them all explode. The air was growing thinner, while Bella's fragrance was growing thicker as she stood by my side, patiently waiting for me to bring down the first-edition books from the top shelf. I laid them on the desk, inviting her to take a look.

Her fingers traced the contour of 'Little Women' with gentleness, and instead of appreciating the care with which she handled the precious book, I only thought of how those fingers would feel if they moved exactly like that over my chest… my arms... and maybe even lower, over the hardness in my jeans.

"This is so well preserved," she noticed, opening the book and caressing the pages as she flicked through them.

"Louise knows how to take care of her belongings, I've got to thank her."

Bella smiled and continued to discover the fine details of the book, while all I could do was sink deeper and deeper in my need for her. Her dress was tight in all the right places, and its moistened material did not help at all. I wished I could just wrap her in my jacket once more, so that her perfect figure could remain hidden.

"So beautiful," she hummed.

"I agree," I said, even if I was not talking about the book, not even close.

Would it be so bad if I stepped behind her now, to wrap my arms around her waist? How would she react? The thought of that sent my mind swirling with jubilation. I ached to get her out of the black fabric, to see her better… to kneel in front of her and idolize her beauty with salacious words, with ardent kisses, with fervent touches…

"Bella?"

"Hm?" She seemed just as surprised as I was by my suddenly raised voice. I was not exactly sure where I was going, I just knew I needed to stop my train of thought before it derailed and destroyed us both.

"I'll... get you a towel to dry your hair."

"Oh, okay, thank you."

I rushed out of the room, scolding myself for my incompetence to keep my mind clear, like I should have. In a desperate attempt to think of something else, I focused my attention on the string of thoughts coming from the first floor. Louise was still rummaging through her house, suddenly interested in cleaning up before Reggie arrived. I didn't understand how she preferred this to sleeping, but I knew that someone had to stop her.

Sighing, I grabbed a towel, partly thankful that I had an excuse to get some space from my lust, partly distressed over the fact that I was going to lose time with Bella. But losing time was better than doing something that could ultimately lead to her being hurt, so I chose the right battle in the end.

"Take this," I said, once I returned to the living room, where Bella was now inspecting 'Lord of the Flies'. "Can you wait here for a few minutes, while I go downstairs, please? Louise has seemingly decided to clean up, instead of resting."

"Clean up? It must be past two A.M. right now."

"Exactly."

"Of course, go. I'll wait."

"I'll be back soon. And then we can go."

I left the apartment in a hurry, almost flying down the stairs. I heard the sound of a vacuum when I reached Louise's door, so instead of knocking, like I usually did, I rang the bell, so that she could hear it properly. She stopped the machine and moved towards the entrance, a little wary of such late night visitors.

"Who is it?" she asked - and damn, I needed to teach her some of the things that she should never do if she thought there were burglars at her door.

"It's Edward, don't worry."

As soon as she heard my voice, she unlocked the door and opened it wide. Her face looked moderately grumpy, like one would expect from someone who is cleaning the house in the middle of the night instead of sleeping. She wanted to ask me why I was there at such a late hour, but she forgot her question when she noticed the fact that I was positively soaked from the rain.

"My boy, you're all wet!" she exclaimed. "Come inside, I'll get you a towel."

"Don't worry about it, I'll change soon."

"You're in for a big cold with your stubbornness. What happened to you?"

"It's just the rain. I was outside until not too long ago."

"Outside! He went outside! So he does have a social life after all. He must have listened to my advice at long last."

Surprise and joy weaved the thread of her thoughts.

"Well, good for you, sweetie!"

"This is not why I'm here though. Why aren't you sleeping? I could hear you fumbling through your house as soon as I entered the building."

Even if I knew the answer to that already, I still listened attentively when she talked:

"I'm worried about tomorrow. Last time Reggie was here, my home was in a much better shape."

"Louise, darling, your son will not hold it against you if he comes tomorrow and realizes the house is not squeaky clean. He is aware you had a heart attack a few days ago."

"What if he doesn't want to come back after?"

Her concern was real and I would have gladly punched Reggie for ever leading his own mother to believe that cleaning up was more important than resting, even if he had done it indirectly. I knew he had a condescending strike to him, from Louise's stories, but this was too much.

"He will come back," I replied, even if I wasn't entirely sure of it myself. I wrapped one arm around her frail frame and started leading her towards her bed, surprised to see that the china sets and the embroidery projects were no longer scattered on the floor. "The house looks fine, you need to sleep now. Please, do it for me."

She sighed with all the drama she had in her bones, mumbling in disapproval as she got herself back in bed.

"If you get up again, I'll come back," I warned, only half-joking.

"You are supposed to sleep too."

"I will soon."

"Now," she grumbled, showing me the door.

"Now I cannot do it."

"Why not?"

"Well…" I hesitated, because what I was supposed to say still felt, in many ways, surreal, as if I had only imagined it. "I… kind of ran into Bella tonight. She's upstairs, actually."

In an instant, her mind flooded with a happiness so pure, so overwhelming, it was hard not to smile. She wanted to ask for all the details, but she decided that it was best to save the story for another day. Thoughts of 'romantic reunions' and 'true love finds a way' whirled inside her brain, before she managed to gather herself enough to speak.

"Then what are you still doing here? Go up there already!"

"Promise me you'll sleep."

"I promise, now go."

I tucked her in, wishing her good night, and I made sure to unplug the vacuum on my way out. The way back to my apartment was a shapeless haze. I was mildly aware that I was closer and closer to the finish line, because this night was not going to last forever. I had no idea where to head next - and worse, I had no idea how to say goodbye to Louise, or how to explain my leaving to her. But the ugliest part was having to leave Bella again.

My apartment was silent when I walked in, the only sounds flying in the air being those of my sleeping neighbours and the distant storm. I inhaled deeply, preparing myself for the great unknown ahead of me.

"I'm back," I announced, my steps taking me down the hallway. "She was using the vacuum, because she wanted her home to be completely clean for when Reggie arrived, I swear that-"

My words froze in my mouth when I stepped into the living room and realized that Bella was no longer holding one of the first-edition books in her hands. She looked at me, petrified, as I tried to convince myself that what I was seeing was not real. She was not holding 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' in one of her hands. She was not holding her blue hearts in the other. And my unsent letters to her were most definitely not laying scattered across the desk. It was a mirage. It was not real. It was not happening.

Yet it was.

I tried to find something to say, but my mind had become a huge blank canvas. This was not something I had ever anticipated, not even in my wildest imaginings. I shook my head, as if that could somehow shatter reality. When my eyes finally found Bella's, I felt ready for the earth to open and swallow me whole. Her eyebrows were tilted at the sides, her irises glistening.

"Edward… I'm sorry, I recognized the scent of-"

"Don't," was all I managed to say. Whatever it was, she had to stop, for her own sake. There had to be a way to end our encounter now, when no harm had been done. I looked at her, pleading with my eyes, since my ability to speak properly had abandoned me.

"But… why did you take my bluehearts away?"

I shook my head again, her words enveloping me like an ice mantle, making me move at a glacial pace in her direction.

"Why did you never send these to me?" she continued, turning the book so that I could see what hid between its pages - one of the very first letters I had written for her.

"Bella."

"Why did you want to cut off all ties?"

Her voice was shaking, quivering with a desperation I recognized, almost as if she was on the verge of crying. While I had barely moved, we were now face to face, for she had decided to close the distance between us sooner than I could. She still had the flowers in one hand.

"Why, Edward?"

It felt as if all of my defenses were falling down, one by one, undoing themselves so fast that I barely had time to process their disappearance. What I could process, however, was Bella's growing proximity, driving me wilder with each second.

"I had to," I let out under my breath, my eyes hopelessly stuck on her. "I did it for you, so you could be happy, you know this."

"Any chance at real happiness left when you did."

"No…"

"Yes."

She took one more step, and she was so close that I could taste her on my tongue. I knew there were many reasons why I should have stopped her when her hands reached to touch my face, and just as many, if not more, why I should have stopped my arms when they reached to enfold her waist in a tight embrace, but I forgot them all. Several fires lit up at once inside me, burning in each place where our bodies were connected, never to be smothered.

"Bella, we have to stop now," I whispered with the last ounce of sense I had.

"Why?"

"Because if we continue, it will hurt a million times worse when I leave again."

Her eyes were two marigolds aflame as they dug into my very core with their intensity.

"But I don't want you to leave… I never wanted you to leave."

"Do you think I want to? That I ever wanted to?"

Her hands worked to pull me down, so that our faces could be closer. The newborn force she once had was no longer here, but I obliged anyway, gasping when our foreheads touched.

"Edward… I pushed you away, didn't I?"

I meant to respond, but when I opened my mouth to do so, a low grunt of agony escaped, followed by a stinging of my eyes so intense that I was convinced I might just go blind, so I closed them.

"I'm sorry," Bella added. "I'm so, so sorry…"

"It wasn't your fault. It's never your fault."

"Shhh, stop. I learned my part in this. It was too late when I did, but now…"

One of her hands tangled in my hair, and it only made me grab her tighter, our lips inches away from touching. I could almost hear myself knocking on Hell's door, waiting to get out of the flames and see what was beyond them.

"Can I try something?"

"Anything you want," I answered, clearly too lost to think critically anymore.

"I may need you to remain still."

I didn't know what to expect, but at this point, the events of the night had been anything but predictable. We remained still, breathing each other in and out, hanging between what we should have done and what we wanted to do.

And then, out of nowhere, I was no longer knocking on any doors. I was no longer in Purgatory, nor in this room. It took me several seconds to process what was happening. And when the realization finally sunk in, it almost knocked me off my feet with its force.

I was in the only place where I wanted to enter the most: Bella's mind.

"Is it working? Can you hear me now?"

More seconds passed by, as I tried to comprehend this utter impossibility. But I was also aware that she expected an answer from me, so I dug deep inside me, to find the strength to talk.

"What are you doing? How is this possible?"

"I wasn't sure it would work. I've been practicing this for a while now."

My eyes flung open and my arms tightened their grip on her waist, in an effort to convince myself that this was not an illusion. But she was here, her lips not moving an inch, yet her voice ringing clear as a bell in my head.

"This? What is this?"

It was impossible to hide the awe and shock in my voice. I wanted more, I needed more. Now that I had access to the only single mind I ever wanted to read, I could not, for the life of me, hold back my greed.

"Remember when I asked you what my gift is, on that boat? When you told me that only time can tell? When I went to Denali in January for two weeks, Eleazar told me that I'm actually a shield for psychic powers. And that I can extend it, if I want to... and that I can even let go of it, with practice. This is what I'm doing now. Letting go."

The instinct to grab, to kiss, to possess was expanding exponentially, and the only thing holding me in place was the knowledge that Bella had asked me to remain still.

"I don't know how else to make you understand everything, other than showing you."

I nodded, thirsting for even more.

"Try not to move too much, all right? It can be distracting."

"Show me, please," I murmured. "I'll behave."

And, with our eyes locked on each other, she showed me everything. An avalanche of words and images ambushed me, each of them fighting for dominance before she settled on what she wanted me to see.

It started with the time she came home to an empty house, finding my letter. And, just as Alice had predicted years ago, she fell to the floor and cried. And screamed. And cried out my name. What Alice had not known back then was that this violent mourning was going to take hours.

"I could not stop, Edward. It felt as if my soul had left my body, leaving me just an empty shell. It made me realize that my need to get some space and time to think properly had translated into the worst scenario, one that I had not even anticipated. When I told you that love may not be enough… I was scared. So scared. And confused. Because I knew what my heart wanted, but logic would not let me have it. And then Rosalie was always assuring me that my logic was right. I thought time could help me figure things out... I wanted you to stay, but I had the worst way of showing you that."

I wanted to contain myself, to be strong enough for what she was showing me, but the stinging in my eyes had become too intense. So, without tears, only with wretched sobs, I allowed myself to cry. Bella's eyes lit up with panic.

"No, my heart, I don't want you to suffer more than you did! Maybe this was a bad idea, I am sorry, I will stop."

"No," I interrupted. "Don't even think of stopping."

She was still hesitating, pondering whether to go on or not, but when I pressed my body to hers, her decision seemed simple.

"Alice explained to me that this was the best way for both you and me. I didn't want to believe her. Whenever I was alone, the hole in my chest was growing bigger and bigger. I tried to reason with Alice, to tell her that I had to see you, to talk to you, but she always talked me out of it. I don't know what you did to her, to make her so fiercely protective over your wishes, but it worked."

"She saw the alternative," I explained. "If she went and told you about my intentions, you would have left first, to live your life on the run. You would have never been happy, Bella. With me leaving, there were still glimpses of you smiling with your new family."

"I did smile with my new family. I smiled a lot of times, because I love them all. But without you there, it was all surface level. They dragged me into all of these vacation trips, thinking they would help me see the brighter side of life. But if they left me alone for one minute, it was bad. Really, really bad."

"What do you mean?"

This time, she tried to communicate without words. I saw a beach at night, the water and the sky black and unwelcoming. Then I saw Bella's hands, working with some flint nodules in rapid succession, until a small fire appeared. And out of nowhere, her palms touching it and lighting up, as if coated in gasoline. The rest of the images were quick and short: Rosalie, running to put out the fire. Esme, taking Bella in her arms. Carlisle, telling them 'She will never be left alone again'.

"Oh, angel…"

It was one thing to know that desperation had led me to harm myself, but another one to know that the same thing happened to Bella. Bella hurting herself was so much worse, and the knowledge tore right through my heart, leaving it open and sore in its wake. Frustration intertwined with misery inside me and my fingers sunk deeper into her flesh through the fabric.

"I felt guilty, Edward. For pushing you away, for making you believe there was no chance left, for ruining your family reunion, for so many things… I thought that if I tried to hurt myself like that, I could find some numbness. I needed the numbness so much."

"Tell me it never happened again," I begged. "I can't stand the thought of you hurting like that."

"It never happened again, because they truly never left me alone after that. I always had a babysitter, to make sure nothing of that sort occurred again. This could hardly be called living, for them or for me."

"I'm sorry I put you through this, Bella… that I condemned you to this existence."

The slightest hint of smile showed up on her lips.

"I forgave you a long time ago, even before that whole murder fiasco happened. I forgave you when I realized that my emotional warfare drove you away and made you believe that you were doing the right thing for me. I wish you were around, so I could've told you then. And then that awful thing happened, and it put everything in a new light… I had no idea how overwhelming it can be to meet the person whose blood sings to you like that. Truth be told, I don't even know how you even managed to hold on for so long, because when it happened to me, it was instant, no warning."

"Practice - although clearly not enough."

Carefully, her hand descended from my hair to the nape of my neck, sending all kinds of shivers down my spine.

"And it took me a while, but I forgave you for lying too. You knew we were mates long before I did. Now I know exactly why you didn't want to lose that, even if that meant stepping on your principles. The end sometimes justifies the means."

"I still regret those means," I confided, full of shame - because there would never come a time when I would not regret my deceit. "I regret them with everything I have, Bella..."

"I know you do. Just like I know you would never do it again."

I nodded desperately, more and more inclined to give in to my instincts that were calling to me to claim her.

"I don't want you to leave, Edward. It was hell to exist without you, don't make me go through that again. I don't think I can take this level of pain two times in a row. I'd rather die then-"

Her string of thoughts got interrupted at the very same moment when my control let loose. Containing myself had been hard enough, but now… it had become torture. Without a warning, my mouth crashed into hers, stopping everything else: conversations, tearless cries, her shield, time. The sounds that escaped us upon contact were anything but human - they were ferocious growls that one would expect to hear in a jungle, not in the heart of a city, in a wooden attic.

Bella's mouth opened to take my tongue in and the most sublime understanding sheathed my conscience: when I was too busy witnessing the miracle of her thoughts, some pure deity had dragged me out of what had been my home for the better part of the last century: Inferno. Outside of its vicious circles that I knew too well, there was no torment, nor regrets, just untainted light. Light and love and, undoubtedly, the only angel I ever needed: Bella.

"Sorry, I lost the shield," she moaned, when my lips traveled to the side of her mouth and down her neck.

"Forget about it now."

I was only mildly aware that the ripping sounds I was hearing were a direct result of Bella tearing my wet shirt in half. Drunk on the rapture, I moved my kisses to her earlobe, pushing her hair back, so that I could have better access.

"I missed you so much" she panted, pulling on my hair to get me to move back to her lips. Happily, I obeyed her wish and went in for yet another kiss, helplessly devouring and savouring her. She studied my bare chest and my abdomen, her nails scraping along the surface with unrestrained pathos.

"I missed you more," I offered moments later, pulling back to see her face better. Her eyes were smouldering, her mouth open and ready for more. "God, you're beautiful."

"And I love you, I never once stopped loving you. You have my heart… you are my heart."

For the first time ever, I could rejoice in the echo of these words without a care in the world - because there were no unspoken secrets to taint their sanctity. No 'but's to alter their meaning. No worries to take away from their purity.

"I love you too, Bella. I loved you all along and I will do so until I turn to dust."

I barely got to see her smile, because she launched back to kiss me, pouring all the passion of the lost years into the way her lips moved over mine. Not one to fall behind, I allowed my hands to roam down the small of her back, until they cupped her maddeningly round ass. Fuck, she felt good. She barely compared to my feeble fantasies.

"I know I only said a few minutes…" she gasped under the kiss.

I smiled, because we both knew these things took time. A sinfully, deliciously long time. My voice was full of dark promises when I gathered myself enough to speak.

"We're going to need a whole lot more than a few minutes for what comes next, love."

My mouth was already back on hers before she managed to respond.

Aaand... it... is... ON!

The next chapter is one terribly naughty monster, so prepare in advance for it! ;)

All right, on to serious things... these two have finally TALKED! Really talked. They still have things they need to clarify, and don't worry, it will happen.

How did you react when you realized Bella had found the letters and the flowers?

Were you surprised by the method she used to communicate with Edward?

What are your thoughts on how she coped without him?

I am incredibly excited to read your thoughts on this chapter, and then - as always - respond to them.

Until next time, stay safe and happy!

TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains brief mentions of self harm. Proceed with care.