By MissMagillicuddy

A/N: Just a fair bit of warning, this will be a bit dark at first. Words in italics are internal monologue. Sorry if it's crappy, it's just a story that has been stuck in my head for a bit. It'll be my first fan fiction. Trigger warnings – self mutilation, suicidal thoughts, rape, teen pregnancy, recreational drug use. Will add more if any come up.

Chapter 1

Monday October 28, 2013

"Max Caulfield, don't you forget about me"

Max lay in her bed, clutching captain to her chest, as tears steadily streamed down her face. The last words she ever spoke to me. As if I could ever forget her. It should have been me. I'm the one who created the storm. If one of us had to die, why wasn't it me? Maybe if I had been a better friend, and kept contact over the years, she wouldn't have been in that bathroom. I'm such a piece of shit.

"Why, Chloe," Max rasped, before choking on another sob that shook her entire frame. Max felt as if she was suffocating, anxiety making her feel as if Chloe's truck were resting on her chest. How am I supposed to live with myself? How am I supposed to live without Chloe? Nathan may have pulled the trigger, but I am the one that chose to kill her. I murdered my best friend. We could have been so much more, but now she's rotting in the ground next to William.

Max was glad that her parents were unable to see how she was fairing. She was living in despair, if you could call it living. She only left her dorm room for class, that she didn't pay attention to, bathroom breaks, and when Kate dragged her to the cafeteria and tried getting her to eat. Her hair was often greasy, and the bags under her eyes made it look like she had been beaten by someone. She had been having difficulties sleeping since her mind merged back into her body before Chloe's funeral. When her mind would finally shut down, and she would fall into a restless sleep, she dreamt over and over of what happened in the bathroom.

"Get that gun away from me, PSYCHO!"

BANG

Max shuddered. She could still picture the terror lancing through Chloe's voice, as Nathan brought an end to her life. Prick. I wish I could end him… and Jefferson. As Max rolled onto her stomach, she realized that she had to go to the bathroom… fairly urgently. Max sighed, and slowly sat up at the edge of her bed. A quick glance around the room showed moonlight creeping through her window, making the shadows look sinister. Max glanced at her clock, wondering how soon she had to be ready for classes, assuming she didn't decide to skip again. Hmm, witching hour. Max grabbed her phone, switching the screen on to pull up her flashlight, groaning as she saw 10 missed calls from "Mom".

"Ugh, just let me be," Max muttered, as she quietly slipped from her room, the flash on her phone lighting the empty hallway. Max scurried to the bathroom, trying to make the trip as quickly as possible, so she could get back to wallow in peace. Shoving her phone into the pocket of her hoodie, Max made quick work of her business, and made her way to the sink to wash her hands. As she pushed up her sleeves to keep them from getting wet in the water, her eyes were drawn to three perfectly straight cuts a few centimeters apart on her wrist. At least everyone is already used to me wearing my jacket all the time, and I don't have to answer questions about wearing long sleeves every day.

Max lightly ran her finger across one of the cuts, noting that it looked like it was starting to fade. Shaking herself out of her staring, Max grabbed one of the paper towels out of the dispenser, and dried her hands, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror. The petite brunette glared in spite at her reflection. She tended to avoid mirrors lately, going as far as to buy a can of spray paint, and cover the one in her bedroom with it. I hate you. You are disgusting, and shouldn't even be here. You are absolutely useless, and you should do everyone a favor, and just die. Mom and dad may miss you for a little bit, but they'll get over it… maybe have another baby.

"I. HATE. YOU," Max screamed loudly, before pulling back her arm, and slinging it into the face staring back at her from the mirror. The screaming and crashing woke her dormmates out of deep sleep, as they rushed to peek their heads out of their doors to try and figure out what was going on. As the mirror was cracking, Max was already drawing back her arm for another hit. She screamed as she released it, and smashed the mirror to bits. She didn't even notice the blood dripping from her right hand, as her left reached for one of the large shards in the sink. She stepped away from the sink, cutting her feet on glass, as she slid to the floor against the wall, her breaths falling quickly from her lips. Max took a deep breath, and slowly lifted the shard to her wrist, dragging it from right to left two times. Max released her breath slowly, and lifted the shard to repeat the action a third time, but decided to do a vertical slice instead. I can go be with Chloe, unless I wind up going to hell for Che's murder. Max readied herself, and pressed the shard down into the crook of her elbow and dragged toward her wrist. As the blood rapidly started streaming from that arm, she switched the glass to her other hand, and repeated the action on her left arm.

Max hardly heard when the door slowly inched open, and a blond head, with tired eyes peered around the door. Blue eyes, that widened in horror, while a horrified gasp escaped their lips, as the door crashed open the rest of the way.

"Max" Kate screeched, as she hurried into the room, skirting her way around the broken mirror and making her way to where Max sat on the ground, aware that others had followed behind her. Max was paying her no attention, just staring at her arms, watching the blood flow down them. Kate could hear Dana asking if anyone had their phone to call an ambulance, as she rushed to her room to grab some towels.

"Max," Kate said softly as if speaking to a frightened toddler, "please put down the glass." Kate whimpered as the freckled girl ignored her, before slowly reaching forward and grabbing Max's wrist to try and catch her attention. Max seemed to come back to herself when she felt the hand on her arm, and slowly moved her gaze up.

"Kate? What are you doing here?" Max's eyes widened as she looked up, and caught sight of the rest of her dorm mates crowding the door way, while Dana carefully came up behind Kate with a few towels. Her left hand slowly lowered the shard of glass to the ground, as she avoided eye contact with the two girls that came in to take care of her.

"I some towels to wrap around her wrists and hands. We need to wrap them tightly, and put as much pressure on the cuts as possible. I think we're supposed to try to keep it above her heart. Hopefully that will help with the bleeding until an ambulance gets here," The beautiful cheerleader said lightly, sniffling as a few tears escaped her eyes. "Is there someone you want me to call for you?"

With eyes still averted toward the ground, Max slowly shook her head. This is so humiliating! Look at the loser freak losing her mind in the bathroom. Max felt the shame started twisting her in gut, as the two girls worked stopping her bleeding. Max let out a quiet sob, as the anguish continued to rise in her shuddering body.

"Shhh, its okay Max," Kate whispered tearily, while beginning to hum lightly to try and relax her, while trying to keep a tight grip on towel covered arm. "I'm here for you. I'll help you get through this." Kate was silently praying to God that Max would be okay. Had to be okay, because Max was there for her when almost everyone else wasn't.

"Can you all please clear out, so the EMT's have room to maneuver when they get here," Dana requested, pointedly giving the gawkers in the doorway the stink eye. "… and I swear to God, if I see one video or photo of this online, I will destroy the person who posted it."

Before Max knew it, the emergency responders had arrived, and had her loaded onto a gurney, while they wrapped her wrists, hands and feet in gauze, tight dressings and tape for transport to the hospital. She barely registered that there were two other responders checking on Kate and Dana, and requesting information about what had occurred. As she was wheeled out of the bathroom, she saw that there were still people peeking out at her from their dorm rooms. On the way out of the building, they passed a lot of students in the stairwell, as well as a group of teachers close to the exit of the courtyard.

This is so embarrassing. Of course, everyone wants to see the crazy girl wheeled out of school. Take a picture! It'll last longer!

The ride to the hospital over before she knew it, and she was quickly wheeled into the emergency room. She couldn't ignore the wide-eyed look when they removed her hoodie, and saw the multitude of cuts in different stages of healing, some fresh, some looking years old, with slightly faded scars. The doctors were checking her dressing's, and doing some tests to check her blood levels. She was hooked up to machines, blood pressure was checked, and medication was given for sedation. Max ignored their questions, refusing to answer any of them, as she was wheeled up to the psych ward for suicide watch. She had been informed that the school had contacted her parent's, and that they were on their way from Seattle to discuss treatment options. Her last thought before drifting off to sleep was Oh, great.

Wednesday October 30, 2013

The past 2 days were a blur to Max. Her parents had come into her hospital room, her dad trying to keep a stoic face, her mom already sobbing. They had asked over and over why she had been hurting herself again. She was sure they were remembering when they had caught her cutting in Seattle, just 6 months after moving there. She was remembering the counseling they had forced her to do, and the guilt they had felt when she admitted to the constant bullying that she had been enduring in school from the first day she appeared. She remembered how she started her daily journaling, because her psychologist recommended it as a way of coping with her depression and anxiety.

Her parents had yet to arrive that morning, as it was barely pushing 7 am, and visiting hours were still a few hours off. Max was slowly forcing her crappy, bland hospital breakfast down her throat, as she leafed through her current journal, which had been brought in with her camera bag when Kate and Dana came to see her the afternoon after "the incident." Max had felt terribly guilty as she stared into Kate's red, puffy, and tired eyes. Kate had wrapped her in a tight hug the second she saw her, sobbing softly.

"We were so worried about you," Kate muttered, as she set Max's bag on a chair next to her bed.

"I'm so sorry," Max had apologized softly, returning Kate's hug.

Max shook her head, to bring attention back to the journal, currently resting on her lap. Let's see. What entry do I want to look at?

While she was flipping through her book, she came across the one dated July 10, 2013. The day I got accepted to Blackwell.

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO BLACKWELL ACADEMY.

If words could dance this world would be a rave. Even though I've never been to one. But who cares because I GOT INTO BLACKWELL ACADEMY! I didn't think I'd be so excited si-

Max felt her vision start going in and out of focus, and felt a slight spinning sensation in her head. What the fuck? Is this some late side effect of my blood loss? Max shook her head a little bit, while taking deep breaths. Max looked back to her journal.

I didn't think I'd be so excited since it's not like I didn't used to live in the same town. But when I saw the text from Blackwell Scholarship Office, I could literally feel my pulse speed up.

Max could feel her pulse speeding up, it seemed like the world was spinning, as the words almost felt like they were floating around her. Max closed her eyes, as she stated to feel dizzy, like her head was on a spinning top. As suddenly as the symptoms came, they were gone. Max took a deep breath, and opened her eyes.

What. The. Fuck. What kind of Butterfly Effect movie rip off is this bullshit? First, I can travel through pictures, now my journal entries? What if that movie was based off of someone like me, who found they could travel through time?

Max was seated at the desk in her bedroom back in Seattle. The day outside was a rare sunny day. She had her window open, a fan blowing in fresh air. Max found her phone on the desk next to her, and checked the date on it. July 10, 2013. 2:34 pm. She looked up, and walked towards the door, waiting to see where the edge of this return would be. Opening the door, she didn't see the blurry edges, and decided to walk further. Max slowly tread down the stairs, stopping at the bottom, and seeing her mom in the kitchen.

She's starting my "congratulations" cake. This is so crazy. I'm able to go so much further than when I traveled via photo.

"I think I'm gonna go for a walk, if that's okay," Max said to her mom.

Vanessa looked up, a smile lighting her features. "Sure, Maxine. Just make sure you're back in time for dinner. I'm baking you a cake to celebrate your admission to Blackwell," she said jovially.

Max nodded, and headed out the door. She walked at least two miles, and never found an edge to the memory. How in the hell am I supposed to make it back to my original timeline? Wait, if I can come back here, and change something, maybe I can still save Chloe… and Rachel. If I can figure out how to get back to my time, and get one of my older journals, maybe I can save them both.

Max looked around to see if there was anything nearby that would help her test this new power. Her eyes zeroed in on a tattoo parlor across the street. That could work. Max hurried across the street, and entered the small parlor.

The man at the counter was just taking a payment for another payment, and glanced up as she walked in.

"I'll be right with you, miss."

Max nodded, and started looking around at all of the art on the walls around her. Hardly paying attention as the previous customer walked past her out the door. Max had her eye on a tattoo of a blue butterfly that had immediately called to her. Hmm. I don't know if I'm ready for a tattoo, yet.

The tattoo artist cleared his throat. "I'm Johnny, can I help you?"

"Uh, yeah. I was wanting to get my nose and ears pierced, "Max answered, as she tried to seem confident.

"Are you 18?" His eyes were squinting at her as he gave her a once over.

"19, actually," Max lied, hoping he wouldn't ask for her ID, since she definitely didn't have a fake. She also realized that she didn't have any money with her, but had a solution. She made sure to keep eye contact with him. "I was wanting to get a nose stud in my left nostril, and double piercings on my lobes."

Johnny gave her a suspicious look for a moment, before grunting, and asking her to pick out her studs. 30 minutes, and one rewind later, Max was on her way back home, with 5 new holes in her head, and a care kit to keep them clean. She only hoped that the her that was there when she left would properly care for them. She felt guilty about the rewind. She would have to send him some cash anonymously to pay for the metal she stole. She had figured if the items she was carrying stayed with her when she rewound, so would items that were now a part of her. Max was deep in thought, trying to plan what she could do to help fix the future, as she rounded the corner to her street. I could try and find an entry when from when I was already packed, and make sure to pack my old journals.

Max unlocked the front door, and started to creep up the stairs to put away her care kit.

"Maxine Caulfield!" Max froze, as her mother's stern voice caught her on the stairs. "What on earth have you done to your face, young lady?"

Max quickly lifted her right hand and rewound, hurrying the rest of the way up the steps before her mom could spot her. As she quietly closed her door, she laid out the kit, as well as instructions for cleaning, just incase her other self took back over suddenly. She started to feel drawn back to the desk, and sat down to write a bit more in the journal. She saw that she had written the whole entry before her mind took over, and decided to add a bit to it.

I decided today in celebration of my new position at school, that I wanted to get my nose and ears pierced. It's going to be a lot to take care of, but I thought a change would be nice. I –

The world began twisting and turning around her again, her eyes closing automatically, so as not to get ill from the spinning sensation. She felt her pulse quickening again, and a strange pressure in her ears. When she next opened her eyes, she was back in her hospital room, her breakfast still cooling on her tray. She felt her ears, and felt the metal of the studs she was wearing. She brought her hands forward towards her nose, and froze as she felt a loop at her finger tips. It worked! I CAN BUTTERFLY EFFECT MY JOURNALS!

She looked back at the journal in her lap, and saw the writing at the end was different. She could see where she cut off, and the other her took over.

What in the hell? I had some sort of a black out. I came to, and mom was calling me down for dinner. That isn't the craziest part. During my black out I somehow went and got a nose and ear piercings. I have no memory of it, and mom and dad flipped out on me. Stating that it was irresponsible and illegal for me to do so without their permission. They definitely don't believe that I have no memory of the event in question. I'm officially grounded for a week, but they are letting me keep them. Which, I have to say, I kind of like them. Maybe it'll make me seem edgier when I start my new school.

Max smiled as she closed the journal, thoughts already racing through her head of what she could do to save Chloe and Rachel. Tornado be damned.