"Issei! Issei wake up!" his mother called up from downstairs. "You're going to be late."

A string of drool dripped from his mouth, slowly gathering on his already soaked pillow. With a dreamy smile he hugged his blankets closer, imagining they were the curves of a buxom woman. He was a teenaged boy, he was allowed to have hope! Even the rays of sun shining through his window weren't enough to rouse him. Issei Hyoudou, age sixteen, slept peacefully in his bed for yet another morning of school.

School can wait, boobs are eternal, he thought to himself only to be interrupted by the door to his room slamming open.

"Issei!" a pleasant, melodic voice intoned with staggering cheeriness. "Time to wake up!"

"Irina…" he mumbled sadly, his visions of blonde babes slipping through his fingers.

"Issei!" she returned, ripping the covers off him and sending him crashing to the floor with a bright smile.

He groaned, and rolled over. Once again, his friend's bedside manner could use some work. Issei glanced up through one eye as his childhood friend, Irina Shidou, stood above him. Her blonde hair fell down to her shoulders, a stark contrast to the mostly black and white uniform of Kuoh Academy. The teenaged boy sat up with a long, melodramatic groan as she chided him.

"You really should be more responsible. I won't be around forever to keep waking you up."

"You couldn't have waited five more minutes?"

"Issei!" his mother chastised him from below. "That is no way to treat such a sweet girl! Now get dressed and get ready, I'm sure Irina has no desire to see your morning half-chub."

The reminder sent a shock of realization through him that he was at half mast. With an embarrassed squeak he leapt up and ran to go get dressed. His friend laughed and returned back downstairs, making idle conversation with his mother. Issei felt they were both too in sync when it came to screwing with him, but he didn't need another lecture so early in the morning. Instead, he threw on his uniform and rushed downstairs to grab a single piece of toast from his father's plate. If they ran, maybe they would make it time before the first bell rang.

"Eugh, Issei, did you brush your teeth?" Irina asked him as they ran down the street.

He sniffed indignantly. "Unless you're thinking about kissing me, I don't see why that's any of your business."

"You should've brushed your hair too, it's a mess!"

Issei rolled his eyes and blotted out his best friend's continued diatribe on his many, many faults as a "respectable" young man. Irina was a good girl in the plainest sense of the word. He was pretty sure she didn't even know what sex was and she had never so much as let a single curse word slip from her mouth. Between that and the fervent bible study she was always threatening to drag him and his buddies to, she was like some Catholic nun more than a teenager. It was a shame because Issei felt that she had a rocking body, although he'd never be suicidal enough to voice those thoughts aloud.

In the end, the two barely made it to first period. As they both slammed through the doors to their homeroom, they were greeted with a very split set of reactions. The girls of the class fawned over his friend, asking if she was okay and if she needed any help fixing her makeup. While on the other hand Issei was once again the victim of their unending scorn. It was a hard life for a pervert it seemed. Luckily, he wasn't in this alone.

"Issei you bastard!" he felt his throat close as he was put into a vicious chokehold. "How ya gonna just be running in here with your childhood friend like you're some H-doujin MC!? That's mad bullshit, dawg!"

"M-Matsuda," he choked out.

A bespectacled fellow to the side affixed his glasses and smirked. "Squeeze harder, he can still speak."

"Y-You… dicks…"

"Matsuda, Motohama, what did I tell you two about using wrestling moves on Issei in the class?" Irina fumed at the three of them. "It's bad enough that you're so immersed in sinful thoughts, the least you could do is keep it down so you don't disturb the rest of the class!"

"Yeah, death to perverts!"

"That's what you get for being gross!"

A chorus of venomous insults from the girls in class forced the legendary "Perverted Trio" of Kuoh Academy back. Like the graceful willow, however, the trio bent before the storm instead of breaking. This was not the first time they had been the subject of such vitriol, and they knew better than to push their luck. The three returned to the corner of the room to converse about their "hobby" in relative privacy. Matsuda had gotten his hands on a new dvd and there were already plans for a viewing party after school. Somehow the nearly-bald bastard managed to get the rarest stuff and yet refused to tell them who his supplier was. Combined with Motohama's unsurpassed ability to analyze a woman's three measurements from four hundred yards away, and Issei felt lackluster compared to the two.

Class sped by without problem, as was often the case. Most of it was spent daydreaming about cooler and/or sexier things he could be doing right now. As the class filed out, he paused as he felt a sudden sensation. It was like eyes on his neck, the realization that someone was watching him. He turned and caught sight of crimson red hair, the shade so lustrous that it almost wasn't natural. Issei knew that hair from anywhere though, anyone in Kuoh Academy could have told you who it belonged to. What was weirder is that he was sure its owner was staring directly at him.

The Occult Club President? He cocked his head to the side curiously. Everyone knew who Rias Gremory was, the so-called "Crimson Princess" of Kuoh Academy. She was also a contender for the hottest woman in the entire town, which is what made her stand out to Issei more.

Normally he'd be all for catching the eye of such a busty babe, but something in the intensity of her look unnerved him. It wasn't angry (which he would have been used to, if not from her) or disgusted (again, he was used to it), but rather… searching. Curious. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up on their ends. He was suddenly brought out of his reverie by Irina's pale face jutting right in front of him. He squawked something and reeled back, narrowly avoiding a headbutt.

"You really need to stop watching those lewd videos, Issei, I think they're beginning to fry your brain."

"It's not that!" he hissed. "It's just… I think that Rias chick was staring at me."

He expected his best and only female friend to write it off as another ill-dreamt fantasy of his, but to his surprise she didn't. Instead, her reaction concerned him more than Rias staring at him. In an instant, her lips thinned and she snapped her gaze to the staircase where the redhead had been standing a moment ago. Issei could see her leaving with the club's vice president, Akeno Himejima, to return to their clubroom. Irina's gaze could have burned a hole in their backs for all that they didn't notice. After a moment, he cleared his throat and she snapped back to reality.

"A-Ah, nevermind all that. It's probably nothing."

Probably? Again, that odd sense that something wasn't right. Irina brushed by him and caught his jacket sleeve, tugging him along with Motohama and Matsuda. His two friends continued their lengthy debate on the merits of 2D porn over 3D, much to the chagrin of Irina and the disgust of every female in a thirty foot radius. Issei, for his part, tried to push the unwelcome sensation to the back of his mind as he threw his two cents into the argument. In the end, another five minutes of talking brought the debate no closer to an end than it had the last one hundred times.

"I'm just saying dawg, your waifu will never be real. At least 3D women actually exist," Matsuda reasoned.

Motohama sniffed. "Even if the whole world's against me, I will never stop loving anime babes! I won't surrender!"

"Gross…" the three of them felt a stab of disgust as one of the kendo girls passed by.

Life was hard for a pervert. These plebs just didn't understand.

"Anyways, we on for tonight?" Issei asked the two of them.

"You know it, bitch. We'll drop by the corner store on the way home from school and have a marathon movie night," Matsuda exclaimed. "My parents will be out of town, so no need to worry bros."

With a round of sly grins, the Perverted Trio broke their impromptu huddle. The day continued as normal - save for the beating Matsuda endured when he tried to peak on the kendo girls practicing. Again. - and soon the final bell rang. The students poured out in a massive tidal wave, although Issei hung back for a few moments as Irina collected her things. He took notice of the small bible among her books and knew what she had planned.

"Bible study tonight?" he guessed.

"Yeah," she smiled. "Dad's planning another trip soon, for business. He's thinking he might bring me along this time."

"You never did tell me what your dad did. It's just 'business'."

"It's top secret business a total lecherous perv like you has no business knowing. Seriously Issei, you really could benefit from some Sunday mass. Maybe it would weed out the impertinent lust that lives inside your soul."

"Bah, I'm perfectly healthy inside and out. It's the world that's wrong for scorning me. Then again, geniuses are so rarely understood in their time," he lamented dramatically.

She smashed her book bag over top his head with an indignant huff. He felt his skull rattle as pain ballooned across his head. With an angry hiss he backed away from her and sought solace in his two friends. However, the tearful glares they gave him told him they still hadn't forgiven him for "flirting" with an actual female. With friends like these, Issei thought, who needs enemies?

The teenaged boy descended the steps, his buddies following behind him, when he felt that odd sensation again. This time it was more pronounced, more jarring. He turned and saw a singular cat, white as snow. It regarded him with curious eyes, and, for all appearances, was nothing more than just a stray kitten. But Issei could feel the intensity coming off it, like with Rias and then Irina. He scowled at the thing, hoping it would run off, and when it didn't he marched up to it to get a better look. It didn't so much as blink, creepily enough.

"Hey, creepy cat thing, don't you know it's impolite to stare?" he asked the cat.

Motohama stared over his shoulder. "Uh, Issei, what are you doing?"

"Proving a point."

The cat stared back at him, unblinking. Issei peered deep into its feline eyes, searching for the cause of this weird feeling. It was like… there was someone looking back at him. Not just the cat, but like something was seeing through its eyes. Geez, was this how the women he talked to felt? No wonder he had never managed to get a date to the dance. Issei backpedaled, keeping an eye on the stray animal as he rejoined his friends. He followed the two down the steps and onto the path towards Matsuda's house. Issei's friend lived on the other side of town, near where the old warehouses were. It was quiet enough, and there were no nosy neighbors looking to peek at their business which was nice.

As they walked, Issei couldn't help but feel something wasn't right. It was right after school, but there were no cars. No people on the streets. It was just the three of them. Then there was the lack of noise, he should have been hearing birds or crickets chirp, the distant sounds of cars and people. Some sort of activity, but there was none. Even so, he swallowed his anxiety and tried to make conversation with his friends. They walked for another twenty minutes before finally coming upon someone.

Issei's heart leapt into his throat as he felt his heart rate double. At the end of the road was a woman, an undeniably beautiful one. She stood in the middle of the street, her side facing them. It took a moment for him to realize she was standing there, and another moment to realize she was completely nude. His mind immediately jumped to her voluptuous figure, the long black hair that hung down to her rear. In any other situation, he would have been saving the image in his mental folder for future research, but given everything that had happened today it unnerved him. It wasn't a moment later that his two friends saw her.

"Woah, is she naked!?" Matsuda leaned forward. "Look at those double d's, dawg! Man, what I wouldn't give to get snuggled by those."

Motohama adjusted his glasses and smiled. "Bust ninety nine, waist fifty eight, hips ninety! She's insane!"

"What's she doing in the street?" Issei asked, mouth dry.

"Huh? I dunno man, maybe she's lost? Perhaps she needs help!" Matsuda responded, puffing out his chest. "Then she'll be so thankful she'll give me a 'reward'!"

His two friends sauntered forward, intent on finally breaking their virgin status. Issei, however, stayed locked in place.

What is this feeling? He thought. I can't even take a step forward.

Terrified, Issei watched helplessly as his friends walked over to the woman. She turned, exposing an equally picturesque face, a smile plastered over it. Matsuda said something he couldn't hear from down the street, and Issei finally found the strength move. He rushed towards them, unsure of what to say or what to do. When he got close, he could hear the woman speak, her voice like velvet.

"I was hoping for something with more meat, but I guess three of you should make up for it," the woman said.

"Hell yeah!" Matsuda pumped a fist. "We're your men, lady. The best in town!"

"Matsuda! Motohama! Get away from her!" Issei finally found his voice. The scream caught their attention, so they didn't see the way the woman's grin grew wide. Too wide to be human. Instead of the pearly white teeth he had seen before, now there were only rows of needle sharp spikes.

"What are you-" Matsuda never got to finish as the woman lunged forward and sank her teeth into his shoulder. With a horrendous ripping sound, she tore a chunk of flesh free.

The jock screamed as he toppled over, their assailant licking her lips with delight. It was then that her body began to change. Bones crunched, fleshed ripped and tore, and blood sprayed as the once-beautiful woman seemed to grow before them. Her lower half tore open, expanding into something akin to a lobster tail mixed with a spider's legs. Her jaw split, revealing a goiter-like mass of bubbling yellow fluid that fell limpy down to almost touch her chest. With four sets of compound eyes, the horrific monster reared back and roared.

Issei reached Matsuda and picked him up, dragging his other friend along the way. The Perverted Trio quickly began to pick up speed, ducking into the alleyways around town to try and lose their pursuer. There was no time for words, or questions. There was only the desperate, clawing terror of being prey trapped by a predator. Adrenaline soared through Issei, pushing him forward with a speed he had never felt. Matsuda, despite his injury, was not far behind. Years of track and field had honed the boy's body, despite his recent lack of training. Motohama was picking up the rear, having been the least athletically inclined of them all.

"Come on, man!" Issei paused to let him catch up. "We just gotta find somewhere to hide!"

"Fucking… Fucking bitch bit me!" Matsuda huffed.

Motohama coughed and reached them, however they all stopped as they heard something skitter from the end of the alley. Issei's breath was shallow as the monster reappeared, trotting forward like some kind of bug. Its mass was barely big enough to fit through the path, giving it a sense of enormity. The creature gurgled something and spit a wad of greenish-yellow phlegm at him. Too terrified to move, Issei was forced to watch as the projectile came at him with all the speed of a fired arrow.

"Look out!" he heard Matsuda call before he was knocked to the floor.

A second later his voice was replaced by a horrific cry as Issei watched his friend hit the ground. The acid or whatever it was ate away at Matsuda's head too quickly for either of them to do anything. Mercifully quick, for all that it must have been agonizing. Tears began to fill his eyes as he watched one of his oldest friends die right in front of him. If he had just dodged maybe…

Maybe they could have all lived.

"Issei!" Motohama picked him up, half-sobbing. "W-We need to g-go!"

He was right, that thing was still crawling towards them. Giving a silent apology, Issei left his friend's body behind. The two remaining boys continued their run, trying to make it back to Kuoh's downtown. They could get the cops, they could get the JDF or something and come back and kill that thing! They just had to make it out of here. As they traced the near labyrinthian network of roads and corridors, they came upon a familiar sight: the main road!

"We're saved!" Issei cried.

"Help! Help us! There's-" Motohama was cut off as he slammed into something. There was a crackle of light as a distortion rippled through reality.

The bespectacled boy fell, his glasses and likely his nose broken. Issei ran up to the invisible barrier and hit it fruitlessly. With a hiss, he pulled back his injured hand as hope quickly gave way to despair.

"N-No, no! Th-That's not fair! No!" he pounded on the barrier. "Help! Somebody help!"

His cries were in vain, if anyone was nearby they didn't or couldn't hear him. Motohama picked up his ruined glasses and tried to bend them back into some kind of usable shape. Again and again Issei tried to smash the invisible wall. This wasn't fair, this was insane! Fucking crazy naked monster women and magical barriers? This wasn't supposed to happen to him. This wasn't how he wanted to die!

"I-It's coming back!"

The brunette teen turned around to see the monster coming towards them at a languid pace. Blood dribbled down from its jaws and onto its chest; the remains of Matsuda. Issei felt sick as the world rocked and he fell to his knees. They couldn't run, couldn't fight it, what could they do? As the beast drew closer, Motohama threw his ruined glasses to the side and let out a mighty battle cry.

"If I'm going to die here, I want to die as a man!" he shrieked, before running at the monster.

"No!" Issei's cry was drawn out and wracked with pain.

Motohama grabbed a rock from the side of the road to use as a weapon as he neared the beast. The monster, for its part, barely even reacted and seemed to regard the little human with amused curiosity.

"This is for Matsuda!" he cried as he jumped forward and threw the rock at the thing's head. It crashed into the beast's nose with a direct hit.

Useless, the thing barely flinched. Instead, it lurched forward and grabbed Motohama by his throat, lifting him up like a doll. Issei watched as the thing turned to him, almost smirking with its disfigured face, and spoke.

"My turn." it garbled out.

The monster's jaw opened wide like that of a snake's, except lined with hundreds of sharp teeth. Motohama sucked in a breath and closed his eyes, going limped as the creature bit down upon his head. Issei looked away, feeling the sudden urge to puke as grief and fear overwhelmed him. All he wanted was to go back home, to see his friends again. He'd give it all back, give up being a pervert and even burn his treasured porno mags. He'd go to bible study with Irina and be a good, upstanding person.

Please, just not like this, he gave one final prayer as the beast rushed forward to finish him off.

There was a sudden thunderclap as the whole world seemed to shake. A sound like a thousand panes of glass shattering at once made his ears ring as light flowed down from above. The creature looked up and recoiled as something crashed down from above. The force of the landing threw Issei back into the crumbling barrier, smacking the back of his head against it. Light turned to darkness at the edges of his vision as he tried to make out what he was seeing.

"An angel…" he breathed as he looked through blurry eyes.

A figure wreathed in light, holding a burning sword stood across from the demon. The angel's hair was like molten gold, flowing down its back and drifting slowly. The sword the figure held burned with holy power, filling him with a reassuring warmth. Darkness began to eat away more and more of his sight. He felt tired.

The last thing he could remember seeing was the image of the angel's face turning back to him, its features too bright to make out.

Irina always said there was a guardian angel looking out for me.