VANITY FAIR, gossip girl
danielle campbell as THEODORA JOHNSON
i. the return of s
If you ever happened to live on the Upper East Side, you'd know that here your social status is measured the good old fashioned way — by the zeroes on your bank account.
Consequentially, your friends are bound to be the sons and daughters of powerful CEO's, bank managers and lawyers and their philantrophic, blow-dried wives with a prescription drug addiction and a gardener-turned-lover in the closet.
Filthy rich and spoiled rotten by the wealth they inherited, the young Manhattan elite occasionally covered their ambiguous morality and debaucherous tendencies with polite nods and photogenic smiles they reserved for their unsuspecting parents and their successful friends.
And on one such occasion, a Sunday before their Junior school year began, all the parents and children that mattered found themselves as guests of Eleanor and Blair Waldorf for an elegant soiree of champagne and reminiscing about the well spent summer at the Hamptons, Monte Carlo or the Amalfi Coast.
To be fair, Waldorf's knew how to throw parties - Blair and Thea's double birthdays were the talk of the year, not to mention the famous annual slumber party.
But tonight, Thea Johnson was bored.
She couldn't really mingle with other parents as her's didn't bother showing up. Not that they couldn't, anyway, as her father was wrapping up his newest film in Australia and her mother was — at least that's what the latest tabloid issue said — on a party yacht somewhere along the African coast.
It hardly bothered her anymore. Her parents would continue to disappoint her until they die.
Lingering in the doorway of the Waldorf living room, Thea swept the room for her best friend and usual partner in crime, Blair. An hour ago the brunette had snatched her nervously, anxiously trying to ask her something before she was swept away by her commandeering mother.
Instead, her eyes fell on a familiar male figure lounging over the couch, flanked by Kati Farkas and Isabel Coates - Blair liked to call them their minions but Thea preferred slaves. It had a nicer ring to it.
Surpresing a groan of annoyance in preparation, Thea unglued herself from the doorway only to plop down in the armchair opposite the trio, careful not to spill the gin & tonic in her glass over her new Armani dress.
"Bass, did you see Blair anywhere? I need to talk to her."
If their little group could be called a friend group, Chuck Bass was a textbook example of a bad boy, a chronic womaniser in the making. The fact that his father was one of the richest CEO's in New York only added to the charm of his boyish smirk.
"Our dear hostess disappeared with her loverboy minutes ago. I'm pretty sure I know what they are up to." The Bass heir took a sip of his scotch, not hiding the way he scanned her appearance top to bottom.
"Fancy trying out their pass-time, Johnson? Those navy pleats go dashingly with your tanned legs."
He was definitely not wrong — the short sleeved dress she chose for tonight pressed tightly over her body, flaring high above her knee. Two white stripes across the sleeves allowed the last of summer's spirit into her outfit, paired with a pair of white strappy sandals.
"Sometimes I wonder why I tolerate you, Charles." He was an inevitable company if she wanted to hang out with her best friend Nate, who was conveniently also Blair's boyfriend. Not that she minded, but he was a far more pleasant company far from the public eye.
"It's my irresistible charm, Theodora, you know you love it."
She only snorted instead of an answer, downing the rest of her drink and getting up to find more interesting company. Or more alcohol, whichever appeared first. Not even a second after, her phone emitted a familiar beep of a notification.
"s ᴘᴏᴛᴛᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ ʟɪɴᴇ . ʜᴇᴀᴅᴇᴅ ᴛᴏᴡᴀʀᴅ s ᴍᴀɴʜᴀᴛᴛᴀɴ . ᴀɴ ᴇᴇʀɪʟʏ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪ ғ ᴜʟ ʙʟᴏɴᴅᴇ .."
The snap of the said blonde only proved the dreaded - Serena van der Woodsen, her best friend — or was it former best friend now? — was back in town after her mysterious disappearance last December. Thea's heart plummeted to her stomach.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck.." She sang under her breath, trying to calm the rising bout of panic surging through her body.
She had to find Blair before she read the blast herself.
Struggling to reach the staircase without bumping into any of the guests, she was stopped by a familiar voice of Lily van der Woodsen.
"My goodness, Thea you've turned into a woman since the last time I saw you! How was your summer dear?" Serena's mother gushed, her perfectly botoxed face tanned and relaxed. Must have gotten rid of the husband number four... or was it five?
Thea plastered a polite smile on her face, eager to get out of the woman's sights before it was too late. "A rotation between here and the Hamptons as usual, mostly with my friends. Some sailing with the Archibalds."
Alas, the fate was certainly not on the side of the Johnson heiress, as Mrs van der Woodsen was followed by the hostess herself, Eleanor Waldorf.
Thea didn't have many mother figures in her life; sure there was her maid and former governess Etta who managed her penthouse, Nate's mother Anne Archibald who always tugged her along where ever their family went and Eleanor who always insisted on Thea spending the holidays at their place.
Thea did not have one conventional mother, but those three women gave her all the love and warmth they gave their own children.
"Lily darling, just who I was looking for!" The two women exchanged a courteous peck on the cheek. "I was just talking with my girls how much we missed you for the Summer in the city charity brunch! I hope it was nothing serious?"
Thea's heart swelled at the way Eleanor referred to her and Blair as her girls. Lily smiled, though it was not as sincere as before.
"We had some family matters, but nothing to worry about." The blonde woman assured. She turned to Thea, only to be cut off. "In fact, Thea, I just heard from Ser-"
Eleanor Waldorf's exclamation was enough to make all the heads at the party turn.
"Serena van der Woodsen?! Is that you?"
Like a deer caught in headlights, Serena stood at the top of the staircase, looking uncomfortable over all the attention she was getting.
Her friend looked wonderful: there was no doubt the boarding school did wonders for her skin, now tanned and cleaner than ever. Of course, it complimented her effortlessly styled hair blonde hair, beachy and voluminous as ever.
"Look everyone ! It's Serena!" Serena gave the crowd an awkward wave before spotting Thea.
"Thea! I missed you." The two embraced, Serena squeezing her tightly before separating.
"Hello Serena, long time no see." The Johnson gave her a tight lipped smile, the girls holding each other at arms length. It was weird to see her after almost a year of unexplained absence.
"Where have you been? How are you?" How dare you show your face here after what you've done?
Before any of them can say a word more, Thea spotted a disheveled Nate coming down from Blair's room. Her eyes narrowed at the look that passed between Serena and Nate, an unspoken but definitely felt exchange.
"Serena." Blair materialised before them, blocking Nate's view of the blonde, enveloping her into a just a bit too forceful hug.
If she didn't know her better than she knew herself, Blair would have looked the part of an ecstatic best friend, overjoyed to see Serena after such a long time. "I'm so happy to see you! Come - we're just about to have dinner."
"Yes! We want to hear all about your adventures in the Cote D'Azur this summer. If there's anyone who can make the French love America.."
Serena lifted her head, shooting a look at her mother who stood near by. "Actually.. there's somewhere I have to-"
"You're leaving?"
"I'm not feeling that well. But I just wanted to say hi." Serena looked as if she wanted to bolt out of the room
"I'll see you at school tomorrow."
"School?" Blair blurted out in surprise, before she could stop herself. Then more quietly: "So you're back for good."
The two friends stared down the staircase at Serena's retreating form, unsure what to feel, what to do.
In no time, the teens of the party were vigorously typing away on their phones, reporting the dramatic return of the one and only Serena van der Woodsen to the true ruler of the Upper East Sider's lives - Gossip Girl.
WORD IS THAT S BAILED ON B'S PARTY IN UNDER NINETY SECONDS.
AND DIDN'T HAVE EVEN ONE LIMONCELLO. GUESS IT'S TRUE - YOU CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN...
It was well after midnight when the guests started excusing themselves, thanking the hostesses for a wonderful evening and ventured out in front of the building to wait for their chauffeurs.
Thea spent the entire dinner glancing between Blair and Nate, both picking disinterestedly at their food without a word between them.
Nate disappeared before she managed to corner him, so she resorted to a "Need to speak with you ASAP. Idiot." message. Damage control would just have to wait until tomorrow.
The limo's window rolled down to reveal a smirking Chuck. "Miss Johnson you look ravishing tonight. May I offer you a cruise to paradise?"
"I prefer a highway to hell these days, Bass."
"Oh I'll ride any way you want me." The boy tried winked suggestively, turning on his Bass charm, but it was obvious he was drunk out of his shoes.
"That sounds desperate, honey. Sweet dreams." She slapped the roof of the limo twice as the sign for the driver to go.
"I'll dream of you!" He called, head peaking from the window as it rolled down the Fifth Avenue.
She couldn't help but to chuckle at his antics. It hadn't always been like that, their dynamic banter, but she unwillingly enjoyed it. "You better!"
A tired looking Blair walked out of the building to where her friend was waiting for her driver to pick her up. The petite brunette looked shaken up, arms wrapped around herself.
"Want me to pick you up in the morning?" Thea offered, though she was sure nothing could soften the blow Serena delivered showing up so unexpectedly, causing nothing but turmoil.
"A cup of caffeine before the fray sounds amazing." Blair sucked a large breath of air, unsure what to say. "Nate was just.. Weird after Serena left. Why does she have to ruin everything?"
"We'll see what she has to say in her defence tomorrow. Night B." Thea bent down quickly to kiss her friend's cheek before jumping into the waiting limo.
"Night T."
DID S THINK SHE COULD WALTZ HOME AND THINGS WOULD BE JUST LIKE THEY WERE?
DID B THINK S WOULD GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT?
AND WHOSE SIDE WILL T TAKE, HER LOYAL QUEEN B OR THE PRODIGAL S?
OR CAN THESE TWO HOTTIES WORK IT OUT..
The first day of school could be considered the most important day of that school year — if you assert yourself as the leader, it was not likely your position would be endangered for the year. Those were the rules that applied for most of the prep schools around, and Constance Billard was no exception.
Unfortunately for the Waldorf and Johnson heiresses, a new player returned to the board.
The Constance Billard chapel buzzed with anticipation from the moment Serena burst in, windswept hair and shirt, rocking her unintentionally on purpose look she adopted as her own.
Headmistress Queller took the stage, droning on and on about their privilege to tutor such fine young women into becoming accomplished.
Thea's gaze went right through the woman and the stained glass window behind her, wishing nothing more than the woman to stop justifying the enormous tuition fee bills they delivered to their parents.
"Ladies. Please join me in welcoming back, after a year's absence, Serena Van der Woodsen. Previously serving as assistant editor of Yearbook, co-chair of the Community Outreach Program and captain of the tennis team, she was one of our most esteemed students." The headmistress gave Serena a tender, almost motherly look.
"And so on behalf of the women of The Constance Billard School, we are thrilled to have you back, Serena." Both Thea and Blair scowled as the girls around them clapped for the returning it girl of Constance Billard.
Oh look at innocent little Serena blushing under the applause... if I didn't know better, I'd say she's Virgin Mary reborn. Though she's very far from a saint...
On the steps of The Met sat the mean girls with their Queen, little Jenny Humphrey nervously waiting for her lunch-time audience with Blair and her judgement on the party invites she offered to do.
Isabel snatched one from the shoebox of invites, gasping in surprise. "Soooo cute."
"They should be framed or something." Kati squealed, examining the intricate calligraphy on the invitations.
"Not bad work..." Blair paused for the sake of dramatics, before extending one to the blonde in front of her. "And here is yours, as promised."
"Thanks. Thank you." The girl almost jumped from joy, but kept her cool in front of the most important person on the Upper East Side. If she wanted to survive, she had to be in Blair Waldorf's good graces. "Thank you. I know I said thank you already but - thank you."
In her line of sight Blair noticed Serena's approaching figure, a cup of yoghurt in hand, heading straight for where they sat. She shot her minions a warning look. "Hide your invitations. Quick."
The three of them returned the invites into the shoebox, Is placing it behind her in an attempt to hide it. It was unfortunate Serena wasn't dim enough not to notice the glimpses of busting, hiding something.
"So our tuition money definitely does not go to the food." Serena attempted to lighten the atmosphere. She noticed the new blonde addition to the group, quickly extending her hand in greeting.
"Hi. I'm Serena."
"I know. I mean. I'm Jenny." The blonde tried to appear as natural as possible, though she was bouncing on the inside. She just shook hands with SVW!
But then Serena saw it — under Katy's bag - an invitation. She casually reached over and pulled it out from underneath it.
"When's the party?" Serena questioned casually, ignoring the awkward side-eyes the girls exchanged with one another. Holding their breath, they waited for Blair to react
"On Saturday. And you're kinda not invited." Blair's charming smile spat venom at Serena's fallen face.
"Only because everyone thought you were at boarding school until twelve hours ago. Now the tables are full. Plus, Ginny used up all the invites." Blair gestured to Jenny, looking moderately uncomfortable to be caught in the middle of the storm between the two. "But if you wanted we could try and work something out -"
Kati and Is, ever the loyal pair of poodles, had their eyes trained on the exchange between the two, deep down hoping they never cross Blair in any form.
"No. That's okay. I have a lot of stuff to do anyway." Serena let the invitation drop from her hand, not buying the story for a second.
"I bet you do, I mean, a year of absence changes a lot of things."
Serena's head snapped to the left; a few steps beneath them stood Thea Johnson, hands placed on her hips and shooting daggers directly at her. Even in the navy plaid skirt and a matching headband on her head, Thea Johnson looked ready to kill.
If Blair was the Queen, in that moment Thea was most likely an Empress.
"We should get going. Unless you want us to wait for you. Looks like you have a lot of yogurt left." Blair's confidence restored, she stood up from the Met steps, minions following shortly behind.
"No. Go ahead." Serena whispered, more to herself than anyone else, as she watched the girls she used to call best friends strut down the road without her.
SEEN IN THE DINING ROOM AT THE CONSTANCE BILLARD SCHOOL FOR GIRLS: AN S AND B POWER STRUGGLE.
SHAME THE STAND OFF WAS BROKEN BY QUEEN T, WE DO LOVE A GOOD CHICK FIGHT.
On Saturday evening Thea stood in the lobby of The Palace hotel, waiting for Chuck to get ready for the party. Nate and Blair were supposed to pick up the two of them in a matter of minutes, and yet there was still no sign of the Bass heir.
She contemplated going up to his suite several times but in the end decided against it, for the sake of her eyes and mental health.
Adjusting the straps of her silver dress foe what seemed a millionth time in the last fifteen minutes, she failed to notice someone inching towards her from behind.
"Serena spilled the beans." Thea jumped in surprise, turning to look at Chuck's smirking face. Her mouth fell open in surprise, already aware of what he was hinting at.
"So now you know too? God, by next week the entire New York will know Serena deflowered Nate." The brunette groaned, going past the reception and out of the hotel, Chuck following closely behind.
The slap of chilly September air did wonders to clear her head, mulling over the ways Blair might execute her when or if she found about her knowledge of Nate and Serena's affair. "I just hope Blair doesn't find out I knew the entire time, or she'll hang me naked, upside down and burn my Louboutins."
Chuck just threw his arm around her, laughing at the way her face fell when she mentioned her prized shoe collection in possible mortal peril. "Don't worry, your Bass in the shining armour will save you from the Evil Queen."
It was her turn laugh now, and the boy beside her couldn't help note the way her dark red lips stretched over her teeth, full and soft.
Just then a limousine arrived, the door bursting open to reveal a beaming Blair, waving them over. "Come on you two!"
"T, you look hot!" Blair grinned as Thea and Chuck slid onto the seat opposite of her and Nate. The strapy silver dress Thea wore promised to be the talk of the evening; a-line and light as air, it fell down mid-thigh to reveal her tanned legs and equally extravagant peep toe heels littered with tiny sliver butterflies.
"I can say the same to you, hostess." They all laughed, Chuck procuring and opening a bottle of champagne with a satisfying pop! Nate took a joint out of his suit jacket, lighting it and passing it around the limo.
As the first taste of alcohol for the night hit her taste buds, Thea smiled. They picked up Isabel and Kati on their way, the limo turning into a proper preparty. It was so good to be back to school.
The place Thea and Blair chose for the party - Barney's Co-op building — was overflowing with high-end guests, Upper East Side teens ready to christen the new school year with copious amounts of booze and illegal substances.
They stood observing the party, pleased with their work. No expense was spared in throwing it — the decorators transformed an old factory into a night time version of Central Park, finished off with dazzling lights and several bars positioned in the corners of the room.
It was a perfect kick- off for the party season, until Kati and Is started to complain.
"This party sucks. I wonder what Serena is doing." Kati voiced obnoxiously, typing away on her phone.
"I wonder if she's at an AA meeting." Isabel mused dreamily, turning to her friend. "Maybe we should go to AA. The guys there are really cute."
"I love bad-boys."
Blair looked like she was about to pop an artery, or at least strangle the two. "Who cares what Serena's doing. Get out there. And look like you're having fun." She barked forcefully, pushing the two airheads towards the dance floor.
Once the two disappeared, Blair turned to her with a nervous whisper. "The party doesn't suck, right?"
Thea wrapped her arm around Blairs shoulders in a comforting manner. "B, you're the queen of organisation. Trust me when I say the party is great. You want me to get you a drink?"
"A martini bianco. You're the best." Her friend shot her a thankful smile before turning to look for her boyfriend.
In a mass of twirly black dresses and suit jackets, Serena stood out as a sore thumb in her casual street style. In a matter of seconds after she entered the room, all eyes were on her, the teens whispering among themselves of the nerve she had to crash another of Blair's parties.
"Oh my God is that-"
"But I thought Blair said she's not invited?"
From the distance she could see Blair grabbing Nate as he headed for the entrance, conveniently just where Serena stood, and by the looks of Blair's furious eyes there was a ticking time bomb in the Archibald-Waldorf relationship and it was only a matter of time it imploded. He pulled out of his girlfriend's grip, walking past Serena and out of the building.
Downing both her and Blair's drink, Thea saw the opportunity to confront the backstabbing blonde she called her friend.
"What are you doing here? You weren't invited. And last I know you were supposed to be in some stinky Brooklyn hellhole."
Serena rolled her eyes in annoyance, already sick of Thea's holier-than-thou attitude. "Dan's sister called him, said she it was emergency. Apparently Chuck is being his creepy, molesting self."
"Huh good luck with that, knowing him he already deflowered her in the ladies room." Thea giggled spitefully, well knowing Chuck's taste for ruining the reputations of innocent little freshmen. Not that she was any better — it was enormous fun to give them hell for the first few weeks of school.
The tall blonde looked as if she had an epiphany, moving away from Thea. "Yeah, ladies room... I've gotta go."
"You better. And stay out of Blair's sight!" Thea called after Serena, already disappearing into the sea of glittering teens.
The dance floor was buzzing from the blonde's sudden appearance, hundreds of eyes searching for the reaction of her former best friends. Thea, determined not to feed their gossip starving minds, turned to look for her company.
She didn't get far though, as the new beat flooded the room, making her join the sea of dancing bodies on the floor. It drummed in her head, hips swaying in an intoxicating rhythm she loved. It was the drinks and the dancing why she adored going out, whether it was clubbing on a Friday night or a wild house party.
The booze was finally starting to hit when Thea noticed Serena and the two Humpties, Humpies - whatever their unimportant last name was — coming down from the stairs leading from the roof, the guy's sister head bowed in embarrassment, mascara running down her face from tears.
A rumpled Chuck stumbled out of nowhere, his shirt torn and nose a bloodied mess. Dazed from the bathroom ordeal with Dan, he limped over to where a tipsy Thea now also joined Blair on the side, observing the party.
Thea noticed his battered form first, cringing at his sorry state. "Did Brooklyn boy fix you up?"
"Shut up." Chuck shot her a glare, holding his signature scarf to his bleeding face.
"You don't mess with little sisters, you douche."
"She better not show her face again." Blair's tone of voice held a warning as the three of them watched Serena enter a cab with the Brooklyn kids.
For as long as she'd known her, Blair felt inadequate to almost anyone around her. It was why she built a strong facade for the world, a protective shield in the form of her Queen B status.
Outside, Blair Waldorf shined with confidence of a movie star, but on the inside, Thea knew her insecurities ate her alive.
It was no wonder her best friend was completely wrecked by Serena's return, the perfect, effortless Serena who attracted the attention of every person around her, like moths drawn to a light.
Chuck shrugged lamely, wiping the trickling blood from his lips. "I'm actually hoping she will."
Thea pursed her lips, hand shooting out to pinch Chuck's side. The Bass heir let out a girlish ouch.
"I'll hit you on the other eye. Come on let's put some ice on that. And a martini in me." She tugged him along, both stumbling from the liquor still running through their veins.
All around the party teens typed away at their phones, feeding the gossip chain, reporting back to the one and only Gossip Girl. It was safe to say the Kiss on the Lips was a memorable event, and the night had only just begun.
THE ONLY THING MORE FUN THAN GOING TO PARTIES IS TALKING ABOUT THEM. LOOKS LIKE I'LL BE BUSY.
SO, UNTIL NEXT TIME, YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.