Prologue: Night 1- For Want of a Catalyst

On a chilly February 1991 night, people should be sleeping. Or if in the city, doing shady business. Gaming even, on Super Famicoms if they felt like insomniacs. Most certainly not hanging around a derelict building and opening a box like a child on Christmas Day. But that's exactly what one young man in his twenties was doing.

Seiji Jinga was no stranger to magecraft. He was the heir to the piss-poor lineage of the Jinga house, a future leader doomed to no glory, no respect, and no life. Well, that would be the case had it not been for having heard whispers in the wind that a Greater Ritual was to take place right here in Tokyo. And suddenly Seiji found his chance to show the world what he was capable of! He could participate and show those Reiroukan bastards what the Jingas were all about!

So he went to work, researching the Reiroukan, the Isemi, and of course, the prominent Sajyou families. He rented out a warehouse in Minato Ward and a boatload of magecraft materials with his inheritance (to the chagrin of his parents, who promptly left Tokyo to retire somewhere far away from their son's mess), getting to work on traps to ensnare enemy mages. When two black feather marks manifested on the back of his left hand, Seiji ecstatically rushed to the Church to register himself as an official Master. And by sheer good fortune, he had gotten his hands on a certain package within the cargo: a box meant to be sent to the Sajyou household from Cornwall, of all places. It really did pay to have a side hustle as a delivery man!

When Seiji greedily opened the package, he couldn't believe his luck.

"I can't believe those Sajyous were able to get ahold of this thing. This is really the sheath of King Arthur?" The young thief fondled the gold and blue sheath, admiring its beauty. Fairy letters adorned the front of the scabbard, signifying its inhuman origins. "Wheheheh, I've hit the jackpot on a catalyst!"

Tonight was the night. On this February night in 1991, Seiji would summon a Servant, defeat the other Masters and their own Servants, and win the Holy Grail for posterity! That'll show all those losers who didn't believe in him before! With a deep breath, Seiji began his chant, all the while striking dramatic poses that would fit right in with a certain manga series on Shonen Jump. You know, Jo-

"I call forth into time, to a hero of legend residing in the Throne."

"As I stand upon the infallible boundary, before the brink of its destruction, take form from the legend, and be armed to fight once more."

"From the collapse, we will forge a path. And from that path, we will carve a future."

"Heed my words as the holder of the rank of Powers: by the conquest of heavenly virtues and the submission of Hell, my will creates your body and your sword my destiny!"

"Come forth from the ring of restraint, O Protector of the Holy Balance, Guardian of the Scales!"

With a disturbingly bright flash of light, the circle flared to life. Seiji shielded his eyes with his arms, giddy and fearful for the spectacle taking place. Soon, he would meet his shiny new Saber Servant and set off on a winning spree, destroying everything in his way!

Except...that never happened. When the light dimmed, nothing appeared in the magic circle. The catalyst was still there, shining faintly with golden light and smoking, but nobody was there. Not even a monster or an ether clump for his troubles.

"What the hell?! I did the whole chant! It took me WEEKS to get every word memorized!" Seiji shook his head and stomped on the ground, denying the possibility that his summoning was a failure. "Where is my servant?!"

His answer came in the form of a loud crash from above, smashing a hole in the warehouse ceiling and landing smack-dab on the magic circle with the force of a strong explosion. The blast knocked Seiji cleanly off his feet, flying a few inches before his butt landed hard on the concrete floor.

"God….dammit….that hurts….I think I busted my ass…."

Cursing aside, Seiji shook off the stars still winking in his vision and rubbed his aching head. This time, someone did arrive: a girl dressed in a black cloak that obscured most of her outfit, golden hair tied in a neat chignon, and a dark blue ribbon tying the complicated hairdo. To top it all off, a single unruly strand of hair stuck out from the girl's bangs, defying gravity all by itself. Unfortunately for the newly-summoned Servant, she seemed to be in a most unusual position- she laid starfish style on the circle, her green eyes becoming spirals from the impact. In her hands was a strange sword with a golden hilt, its blade resembling a solid beam of pale golden light.

"Awawawawawa…"

Yes, with that excessively long depiction of the Heroic Spirit, no one would have any doubts on who was summoned...

"HAHAHAHA!" Seiji gave a great big laugh, adrenaline quickly removing the pain of falling on his butt seconds ago. He struck a back-breaking pose for good measure. "I've done it! I summoned Saber, THE strongest Heroic Spirit, who will help me destroy those asshole mages and grant me the Number One Victory Royale!"

Silence. The girl on the ground probably fainted, because she wasn't moving at all. Seji's mood began to deflate as he realized a bunch of things in the span of a few seconds.

First of all, this was a girl. King Arthur was a man, right?

Second of all, what's with that cloak? Where was the suit of shining armor? A Saber would be wearing that, right? The radiant holy sword was there, but this was...rather plain. Too plain.

Third...was King Arthur a woman, truly? Were history and literature textbooks lying to people? Suddenly Seiji wasn't sure about who he manifested. Maybe this catalyst was false, and he had summoned something far worse and inferior.

"...You ARE Saber, right?"

"...ARE Saber, ri...?"

When I came to, a Japanese man with shoulder-length black hair and matching eyes was staring straight at me, his face too close for comfort. Stranger danger! I felt my face contort with fear, and scooched away as fast as I could until my back hit a wall. "I don't know who you're talking to but it isn't me!"

Wait a minute. How do I understand what this guy is saying? And why did he call me Saber? This was getting really weird, really fast.

"But that sword in your hands," said the man with a confused look on his face, "it's Excalibur. You literally can't be anyone else."

I had WHAT in my possession? Sure enough, there it was- the holy blade shining with holy golden light in my unholy and unworthy hands. I don't understand anything. How did I get this, why am I here, who the heck is this guy-

And conveniently there's a window to my right side. I shakily stand up and inspect myself, still holding on to the sword. By the light of Excalibur, I see something absolutely horrifying. A living nightmare. The worst thing to ever happen in my life.

Me. But it's not my face. It's hers. Saber.

Oh god.

Oh no.

Suddenly a bunch of information runs through my head. Mages. Fate. Holy grail War. Berserkers go Berserk. People die when they are killed.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nononononononononononononononononononoononononononononononononononono-

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Needless to say, it took hours for me to calm down. Or maybe minutes. My suffering felt like it could last forever. Why? Well…

"Saber! Saber! As my Servant, I command you to calm down at this instant!" On Seiji's hand, his Command Seals flashed crimson and a part of his two-feather tattoo faded somewhat.

That only pissed me off even more, but unfortunately I could not express my rage the way I wanted to. Stupid command seals! So with a very calm smile on my face, I looked my new Master straight in the eye. "Let me tell you something, Master. I don't take kindly to idiots who waste their command seals on things like taking a chill pill."

"...are you attempting to use modern language because it's the 90s-"

I am seething, but I cannot break the neutral expression plastered on my face. So I opt to glare daggers. "Sure. Fo shizzle. You can SAY I am doing that. Also, I am an Assassin, and my true name is not King Arthur! Nor am I Saber! Absolutely not! Hell no!"

Seiji's looking at me like he wants to press the metaphorical X button to express doubt. "But that sword-"

I wave Excalibur around like a maniac, and it makes whooshing sci-fi noises. Huh. So this thing really is a prop. "THIS SWORD MEANS NOTHING!"

We stare at each other for a hot minute. Seiji eventually breaks the silence, clearing his throat. "So then, Assassin, what is your true name? Are you Hassan?"

"I uh…" Crap. Who am I? Well, I could tell Master that I was an ordinary person with a normie life, and that a truck ran me over and I woke up after feeling like falling for a lifetime, that I somehow was granted the visage and weaponry of the King of Knights and therefore I am basically Saber and I really hate this, but would he buy that? It seems rather fictitious, and totally like….an isekai. Oh god please no.

"...ssin? Assassin! I'm talking to you! Answer my question!" Seiji snapped his fingers in front of my face, yanking me back to reality from my little identity crisis.

"I uh, have amnesia," I said lamely.

He doesn't buy it. "BS. You clearly look like you know something."

"I don't remember anything, I swear! But what I do know is that I am an Assassin, and most definitely not the King of Knights. Oh and I have a cool knife but right now it just looks like...this sword…" I gingerly look at "Excalibur". Foreign knowledge (inserted into me by the summoning, I guess) told me this blade was using Excalibur as an illusion, and that it was really the knife Carnwennan.

Seiji sighs, but before he can really say anything, a loud rumble of thunder manifests. "Whoah, is there a storm coming? The weather report didn't say anything about this! This day just keeps getting worse!"

"The only storm coming is the one from my stomach," I snapped. "Master, I'm hella hungry. If you don't mind, can we go eat something like right now?"

Seiji doesn't hesitate to respond, and I take it as goodwill. "Fine, I'm rather hungry myself. But you're going in spirit form. Can you at least do that?"

I give him a shit-eating grin. "No can do, Master." I really can't.

"GAAAH! YOU'RE THE WORST SERVANT EVER, YOU KNOW THAT?!"

One joyride through Minato Ward and some confusion on the subway, the Tokyo Metro spits us out in Setagaya Ward, which made me impressed with how big a real city like Tokyo is. I'm no country bumpkin, but I really never lived anywhere so urban, or so massive for that matter.

"Are you kidding me?! It's one in the morning and nothing is open at this hour?" I had been wailing the whole trip, trying to stop the agony of little mana and a cranky stomach. "Maaaaster, Give me Japanese food, duuuude! I am hungry tourist!"

"Keep it down," hissed Seiji. Though his eyes are furious, his cheeks are red with humiliation. "Stop acting like a child, Assassin! The people are staring!"

"Who is that girl? Is she really a tourist or is she drunk?"

"No way, look at those clothes. She's either his girlfriend or a cosplayer hiding something. She's no ordinary tourist!"

"Ah, an otaku with an unconventional gyaru? What a strange duo! How risque!"

Master turned to look at me again as if to prove his point. Maybe I really should just be quiet. We walk the streets in silence until we come across a convenience store. Or well, my inserted knowledge and Seiji tell me that. I can't actually read. Luckily I can understand flashing neon lights, a brightly-lit store, and rows of goods and foodstuffs.

"Yahooo!"

Finally, food! I rush through the automatic doors, racing towards the prepackaged food aisle, ready to grab whatever familiar food I find that is warm, packaged, and ready to eat...and then I stumble across someone who was about to rip open a rice ball. He was a lot more handsome than my Master, with sandy blond hair and nice pale green eyes. A foreigner too, by the looks of it except that he wore casual attire. One of those study abroad students, maybe?

I suddenly grew self-conscious. I probably looked like a thief, what with my black cloak and messed-up bun. But even so…

"Hello sir, are you going to eat that?" I give him my best puppy eyes and pitiful look.

He actually hands me the onigiri, keeping the plastic film for himself. "This plastic film is amazing," he said while holding it against the fluorescent lights. "See how it's so thin, and clear, and yet it can protect the food from contamination? It's an absolutely wonderful product with superb hygienic benefits. Indeed, this cellulose-like film is a wonder of modern times! I wonder if they come in other forms, like biodegradable..."

Man, that guy speaks funny. Guess I'm getting educated on the wonders of plastic now. He looks absolutely in awe about the wrapper, but all I care about is how that one little morsel of rice and seaweed wasn't enough to satisfy me. I nod, wondering how long it will take for Seiji to find me. But before I could move out of the aisle, a high school boy came speeding straight at me! I plaster myself against some instant ramen, narrowly avoiding the running boy. "Watch it dude!"

He gives me a quick look of apology before turning to face his main target: the blabbering nerd who gave me the rice ball. He swiped the onigiri wrapper and began yelling. "What the hell do you think you're doing?! Is that how it is in England? Opening and eating food before you pay for it?!"

"But Tatsumi, there was this girl- see, she's right over there- she looked at me with this face and I couldn't help it, and I had already opened the wrapper beforehand- I, I, I'm sorry!"

The poor dude's face turned redder than Republican Texas. In shame, he hid his burning cheeks with his hands. The guy named Tatsumi looks at him, then at me, and then back at the torn wrapper in his hands. "In my defense," I said, feeling sympathy, "I was hungry." And I look like a disaster.

"Sorry for the trouble my friend caused, I'll go ahead and pay for it. Hell, is there anything else you want?" My god, there really is hospitality! My eyes shine like stars and I grabbed some rice balls of various flavors, four bowls of instant ramen, two packs of pocky, and a bottle of water. Any more would be disrespectful. "You're really going to pay?"

Tatsumi looked like he was regretting his words. People were beginning to stare at the commotion, which probably made the poor guy feel even worse. But with a squiggly smile, he nodded. "It's the least I can do."

"THERE YOU ARE! WHERE WERE YOU?"

I nearly jumped five feet into the air from hearing Seiji's voice. "Haha, Seiji-kun!" I nervously gave him a smile. "I made some friends, see?"

My Master looked absolutely disgruntled as he stared down the high-schooler and his English dude friend. "I can see that," he said icily. He clenches his fists, and I notice the fool hasn't made any effort to conceal his Command Seals. What an idiot!

Tatsumi ended up paying for the whole bag of goodies and we all stepped out of the convenience store rather frazzled. Seiji was still pissed, Tatsumi looked like he wasn't going to financially recover, the English dude was in a state of perpetual mortification, and I was already munching on an onigiri. Mmmm, salmon flavor. Nutritious AND tasty!

Tatsumi broke the silence. "So uh, where are you two going? Me and my study-abroad friend are heading home."

I smile back, darting eyes at Seiji. "We're heading home too. We live in Minato Ward, and we deal with- ow! Seiji-kun, what the hell?!" Master pulled on my arm and started to drag me away from the two guys. "Don't go telling those mere mortals what you and I are doing! This is a competition supposed to be kept a secret between people like me!"

I give a painful chuckle and do my best drunk impression as Master and I drift further from the confused guys. "So yeah, we're doing suuuuper secret undercover work! Let us know if you ever catch anything supernatural, ok? Like crazy rumors, or weird people!" With a wink, I wave them goodbye, hoping they got the message.

And in the wee hours of the morning, despite a lot of reprimands and yelling, Master and I had a nice meal.

"What was that all about? Do you WANT to sell us out to enemy Masters? You were absolutely off your rocker out there!"

I scratched the back of my neck. "It's just, I had to. I can't deal with things on an empty stomach, you know. And this was technically a patrol of sorts. See? We're being productive early!"

Seiji sighed, taking out a freshly boiled pot of water and pouring it on some instant ramen. "I guess we are. But we still need to organize who we are targeting. And about those two in the store- don't even think about meeting them. We are not ordinary people and we don't associate with those not in the loop. Understand?"

I slam my fists on the table. "But Master! I owe them a favor! Who took the trouble to buy us food for the night? They did! And besides..."

My Master raised an eyebrow. "Besides what?"

"I think they know something. Tatsumi and his strange friend. It's just a hunch." My voice felt unsteady.

"Just a hunch," repeated Seiji. "That's not enough to warrant suspicion. You met those two for what, five minutes and you already speculate something? What part of the Holy Grail War do you not understand?!" Seiji was pissed, even more than before. "Even if we did have their help and you somehow were right, they won't last long when we fight other Servants! They clearly are humans, and therefore collateral casualties in the long run. We aren't humans anymore."

The steam rising from the noodles mimicked the ones coming from my ears. "Then what are we, Master? If we aren't human, what are we?"

Seiji blew on his noodles clumped over his chopsticks. "You are Assassin, my Servant, and I am a mage. I don't care about ordinary people. I don't care that you care about them. I want to win. And above all, I want posterity. My family has been disgraced for so long, and now this is the one chance I have to prove to those idiots I am good enough for them! That I'm good enough for the Clock Tower!" After all of that, he finally took a bite.

I can't help but twitch my eyes a little. "...I see. I guess I'm not taking this seriously enough." Suddenly the bowl on the table looks more appealing than looking at Master.

I don't know how to feel about the fact that I'm like this and that I have to do my job of killing people eventually and my Master is probably planning something ridiculous against the Masters of other Servants. Maybe I need to give up on having fun. This isn't really a fantasy world I can goof off and let the plot roll as expected, if the primary source is anything to go by. And as much as Seiji acts like a jerk, he is still my Master. More importantly, he has a goal. I don't have one...though I have a vague guess about what I could do.

Maybe the real Saber was right in her stoic behavior. Maybe I should act more like her and less like myself.

I excuse myself from the emergency dinner/breakfast and tell Master I'm going somewhere alone to clear my head.

"Hmph. If you want to clear your head, the rooftop is all yours. I'll be waiting for you in the morning or afternoon. At this rate my sleep schedule is…" He mumbled off, his black hair swaying in the chilly wind.

I'm alone now.

The moon is rather pretty, even with the Tokyo skyline stealing the show below. The sky is a deep navy, and little clouds block the horizon.

I've said it before in mental monologues and body language, but I really, really, REALLY hate my face. I hate her. Saber, Artoria, Altria, whatever you call her. But if I had to get to the root of it? She's just not my type. All my normie life my friends praised her like she was the bomb, the "it" girl, the perfect waifu.

Also she's blonde and I hate blonde hair and that seriously sounds super petty when I say it like that-

And what if you were nothing like her? Would that make you any less appealing? I guess that question can't be answered now. For all intents and purposes, I am her in appearance. Probably skills too, if I am lucky.

"This face is a curse," I said to myself. It's a burden. A responsibility. I don't know for what exactly, but for me to be here like this- there has to be a reason, right? It's not like some higher entity wanted fanservice or something….right?

And as if a lightbulb finally flickered in my head…

Then maybe I should change what I can change.

I slowly pull the blue ribbon holding the hair bun in place. The wind gently shakes down my hair, leaving it loose and free. Putting the ribbon in my mouth, I gather all of my locks to a single ponytail, and tie it all back. I can't do anything about the ahoge, but it's one of the few things I liked about this person. It's goofy.

I take off the unsightly cloak, letting the useless black cloth fly into the wind. Fortunately for my reckless reaction, I do have clothes underneath! Imagine if I just stripped right here, jeez, all of Master's neighbors would have a fit.

"Huh. I really should have let go of those rags earlier." A blue jacket emblazoned with a golden X, short shorts, and ankle high boots. All in a dark blue color scheme that I could deal with.

And the best part is...I have a cool scarf! I may have made an unsightly noise resembling a boiling kettle as I let the sapphire muffler flap in the wind.

"Yes! Yes! I can totally work with this!"

When the morning officially started and the sun's rosy rays lit up the sky, Seiji was waiting downstairs with a drowsy look on his face. Huh, he had changed his clothes too. "Are you ready to take this War seriously, Assassin?"

With an assured look, I nod. "Yes, Master. I'm ready. Let's take down your enemies and turn them into stepping stones for glory! Oh, but just one thing."

"What is it, Assassin?"

"Get me a hat, Master! I still can't stand looking at myself!"

Old habits die hard.

AN: Did you know I got into Fate because one day I discovered Fate Prototype and Fragments of Sky-Silver and I just went from there? Yeah. This is my way of saying thank you to a story that I admit is pretty flawed but had amazing concepts. My love letter made with a sugar overdose, anxiety, and procrastination. Next time on RiceBall Z: We see some other Servants and their Masters, and maybe it's a good thing most things haven't changed.