Chpt. 10 APOV:

Rolling over I glance at the clock yet again…it's only been 10 minutes since the last time I looked at it. I went to bed hours ago, yet I still can't fall asleep. I don't know if it's my nerves with the realization that we're actually leaving in the morning for the mission that I've spent the last month preparing for or if it's something else. In the last few days, everything I thought I knew, I've learned was a lie. When I went back to my apartment last night, I didn't much there either. I spent the entire night thinking about what Christian had told me. As much as I hate to admit it, I suppose in some twisted way I can see why he did what he did. I don't think I'll ever fully understand though why he thought telling me he was in love with another woman was the best way to end things between us. That's the part that hurts the worst; that he would lie like that to me. I understand why he thought I would give up the scholarships to be with him, because that's exactly what I was planning on doing. I was fine with continuing my education at an online school; it didn't matter to me as long as I could be with him. What kills me is that he doesn't think he was worth giving all of that up for.

I hate what Christian's mother did to him; if she wasn't so fucked up herself then he wouldn't have been so insecure about himself. His mother was addicted to drugs for most of his life; the stories he would tell me was enough to turn anyone's stomach. When he was 13, she left one day and never came back. He told me after a few days the school suspected something was up and sent a police officer to his house. After that day he was tossed into the foster care system, but since he was already a teenager they had a tough time placing him. By the time we met he had been through more than a dozen foster homes and finally ended up in a group home just on the outskirts of my town. We didn't meet for a few months after he started at my school; the guidance office paired us together for me to tutor him in a few classes to help bring him up to speed. After a few weeks we were inseparable.

I think back to those days, how happy we both were even though I know Christian hated the group home. He told me that I was the only reason he tolerated it; that I was the only reason he hadn't run away like he had from the other homes he had been in. I hate that we lost the last 10 years because of what happened. I hate that my father had a hand in what happened; that's something I'll never be able to get over. It's bad enough that my father told Christian about those scholarships, but he has no reason for not giving me those letters that Christian sent. He never told me that Christian had come to visit that weekend, even after things went to hell. He never said a damn word…instead he let me believe that Christian had left me for another woman who he was happily married to with a child.

Giving up on sleep, I decide to head downstairs to grab a bottle of water but when I start walking down the hallway I notice the light coming from under Christian's door. I can't help but wonder why he's awake: is he nervous about the mission like I am or does he still have those nightmares that he used to have? Without realizing it, I'm standing in front of his door…debating on knocking to ask him why he's awake. To ask him…

"Ana?"

The door opens before I can figure out what I want to do and I'm staring at Christian's bare chest in front of me. With his fingers he gently guides my head up where my eyes lock onto his; neither of us say a word for some time. I don't know who initiates it, but suddenly Christian's lips are on mine and I'm pressed against the door frame by his firm body. I wrap my wrists around his neck, my fingers weaving through his hair. His hand is firm on my hip, holding me in place as if he thinks I'm going to try to move. Little does he know, right now there isn't another place in the world I would rather be. He groans and opens when I glide my tongue over his lips. Our bodies are exploring each other, neither of us can keep our hands still. I slide my fingers over his firm chest, memorizing the muscles that weren't there the last time I touched him like this. And although Christian has touched me countless times in the last week, on literally every part of my body, right now it's as if he's touching me for the first time. His hands touch me everywhere he can possibly reach and yet it's still not enough.

I moan when he brings my leg up, wrapping it around his thigh as he steps further into me grinding his erection against my sex. At some point my shirt comes off and is tossed into the hallway outside Christian's door but I honestly have no idea if I'm the one who took it off or if he did. His lips trail my jaw, he nips at my ear before slowly making his way down my neck, kissing and sucking on me as he goes.

"Tell me what you want Ana," Christian whispers against my neck.

"You…I want you," I pant in admission.

"Are you sure?"

"Yessssssssss."

I tug down his pajama pants, freeing his erection before they fall to his ankles. He gasps when I wrap my hand around him, slowing moving it against him. He grabs my silk panties in both his hands and pulls hard, tearing them apart before tossing them out of the way. His fingers slide through my wet folds, teasing me as he explores the most intimate part of my body again. He touches me as if it's the first time he's touched me in 10 years, as if he hasn't touched me there in the last week. And in a way, he hasn't; the way he's touching me right now is different than how he's touched me all week. I jump when he finds my clit, in a matter of minutes I've become more aroused than I have ever been in my entire life. More now than even during the two scenes earlier that left me nearly begging for a release.

His eyes go wide when I guide his erection to my sex, showing him exactly what I need…and what I know he needs. He doesn't say anything, he simply grasps my knee and pulls it against his hip opening me up even further to him. We both moan when I guide his erection through my folds, my juices coating it as it teases both of us. He bends his knees, until we align perfectly. Our eyes stay locked as he slowly slides into me, my body stretching until he's completely inside of me. With his hands on my ass, he lifts me and on instinct I wrap my legs around his hips. I hold tightly onto his shoulders when he slowly begins moving within me.

"Fuck…you feel…." He mumbles against my lips.

"So good," I moan.

"I'm not going to last Ana…it's been too fucking long, way too long," he groans when he slides back into me.

"I'm close…so close."

Against the door frame of Christian's bedroom, we make love with a desperation that I've never felt before. My body has never responded to anyone the way it does with Christian; trusting Christian not to let me fall I start meeting him thrust for thrust. Need races through me, my body literally begging for a release that is so close.

"Come for me baby," Christian whispers thrusting deeply into me, holding my hips against him.

His words set me off; I call out his name as the orgasm finally hits. Only when that happens does Christian finally let go, two quick, deep thrusts is all it takes for him to come. He groans my name against my neck as he spills himself into me. I'm barely coherent when Christian carries us over to his bed where he lays me down. I hear him use the bathroom and am just about asleep when he returns with a warm washcloth, gently cleaning me before he climbs into bed with me. Neither of us say anything, instead Christian simply pulls me against him and holds me until I fall fast asleep.

The sound of an alarm wakes me up only a couple of hours later; for a brief moment when I open my eyes I panic not recognizing the room I'm in. My face blushes remembering how I ended up here last night.

"Morning," Christian kisses me.

"Morning," I whisper.

"We need to leave soon," his fingers draw invisible circles on my stomach as he leans over me.

"I know."

"I'd rather stay here."

"Me too."

He moves so he's completely over me, his body mere inches above mine as he lowers his lips until the reach mine. Last night was fast, desperate and full of need whereas this morning it's as if we have all the time in the world even though we don't. Christian groans when I wrap my legs around his, pulling him against me until his dick presses right against my sex. I moan when he moves down and sucks my hardened nipple into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue while he holds it between his teeth. My hands explore his body, gliding over his arms, his back and his ass touching him everywhere I can possibly reach.

"I need you," he whispers his words mimic my thoughts.

I nod and with one quick thrust, he sinks deep into me holding himself there. When I open my eyes, I'm met with his which are filled with lust, need and want. His moves slowly in and out of me, taking his time as if he's savoring each minute. The need is there just as it always has been with Christian; it's never been like this with anyone else. No one has ever come close to making me feel the way he does; I've never felt like I've needed someone the way I feel like I need Christian right now. How is it even with him buried deep inside of me, I still need more of him?

"You're so beautiful Ana," he whispers as he reaches down to grab my ass and pull it closer to him.

"Christian…" I beg but unsure what for.

"I got you," he says.

Holding me tight against him, his thrusts become faster and deeper, each time hitting that spot deep inside of me that has me seeing stars. I'm clawing at his back, desperately trying to keep him pressed against me. When he pinches my nipple, the orgasm hits; I arch into him pulling him deeper into me as I convulse around him. I vaguely here him grunt my name before I feel him explode inside of me. He collapses on top of me, his full weight on me and I have to admit I like how he feels like this.

"Ana…" he leans up, looking between us as he slowly pulls himself from me, the evidence of our releases on both of us.

"I'm on birth control," I assure him knowing what he's thinking. Neither last night nor this morning, did either of us consider using protection. "We…I was tested before…training began."

"I'm clean," he says. "I've never had sex without a condom and I get tested every two months. My last test results are on file at the club, we can swing by there on the way so I can show you-"

"I trust you," I interrupt.

He doesn't say anything, but instead kisses me thoroughly. He rolls us to our sides; we lay like that for awhile not talking but just lying there. Part of me knows it's beyond time for us to get going, but the other part of me wants to stay in denial and not leave the bed.

"We should get going," Christian sighs.

"We should."

It's another several minutes before either of us pull away, but eventually we leave Christian's bed. He takes a shower in his bathroom and I head back to the guest room to shower and change. Only a little behind schedule, we leave his house with a warm breakfast and coffee in hand courtesy of Mrs. Jones.

"I was surprised when you said to dress in jeans this morning," I say as we pull away from the house.

"When we arrive and check in with security, they'll show us to a small room where I…I'm supposed to dress you-"

"You're supposed to dress me?!"

"Not that you can't dress yourself," he takes my hand and squeezes it. "It's just the rules. You'll change into more appropriate clothing including the collar and leash. From there we will go to the main area to check in and then to our room."

"How did you hear about this?" I don't recall reading those details in Taylor's report.

"It was included in the information that Sawyer gave us," he says and I realize we never got to look at that information. "I was reading it last night…"

"Anything else useful in there?"

"Speculation like you said about a fourth level, but no one who went was able to gain access or to confirm that it existed. Nothing that raised any concerns, they were more observations. The majority of guests engage in TPE 24/7 so we'll be the minority in that sense. They all indicated that the general rules of our lifestyle were upheld and collars were respected."

That's reassuring, it was definitely something I worried about. Mark, Sawyer and even Christian explained the importance of a collar but I had a hard time believing that people at the resort would honor it. The first couple of hours of the drive goes quickly, Christian tells me about his company and I tell him about my work before this with the FBI.

"Can I ask you something?" I wonder during a lull in the conversation.

"Of course," he says quickly without hesitation.

"What made you…I mean, how did you…get involved with Time Out?"

"Time Out or BDSM in general?"

"Both I guess."

"Sawyer introduced me to BDSM when we were stationed together," he says. "It wasn't something I sought out, hell I really didn't know what it was about except the pictures you see in magazines or on the internet. I had no idea, but apparently Sawyer was involved in BDSM before he joined the service. He invited me along with him to a club one weekend when we had leave; he told me he thought I would like the control aspect of it. And he was right. For me, it's not about kinky sex although I'll admit it's a nice perk…" he smirks at me. "It's about control. I like control in all things; I hadn't realized that until I joined the Marines. While enlisted I held a few different roles, but the ones I liked the most was where I had control over myself, my job, my responsibilities and others. In BDSM, I get to control the scene; what happens and when it happens. That was the initial appeal of the lifestyle, but as I started to explore it a little further I quickly realized that there was more that I enjoyed besides the control."

"And the kinky sex," I giggle.

"Yes and the kinky sex," he chuckles. "I like helping beautiful women push their limits; I like helping them explore a side of themselves that they don't let everyone else see. I like the trust they place in me to take care of them during the scene and to know what they need even when they have no idea what it is. I also like that the expectations are known from the beginning…doms and subs both are clear from the beginning if they're looking for just someone to scene with or if they're looking for a relationship outside the club or if they're looking for someone to have multiple scenes with. You don't always get that with traditional relationships."

"No you sure you don't."

"When I was in the service, I could go to the club scene with a woman without her expecting dinner and flowers the next day," he shrugs. "At the time that's all I wanted so it worked for me."

"You said at that time…"

"I thought it might change when I left the service and stayed in one place," he sighs. "But it didn't really. I kept all scenes limited to Time Out; the subs I scened with knew that I wasn't looking for anything outside of the club and by agreeing to sub for me they weren't looking for anything else either."

"What about your…personal life?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"If you're dating someone…how does she fit in if you're…at Time Out?"

"I haven't dated anyone."

"At all?"

"Not in a very long time," he glances over at me telling me with his eyes what his words are leaving out.

"Oh," the realization hits me like a ton of bricks.

"Sawyer left the Marines about a year before I did, but we stayed in touch until my tour was complete," he continues after a few minutes of silence. "Him and Mark, decided to start their own BDSM club after moving to the area and not finding something that would meet their needs. When I left the Marines, I had no where really to go so when they extended the offer for me to come help them at the club I decided to take them up on the offer. I knew I wanted to start my own software company so the club being so close to several large cities helped. The club had only been open about six months when I arrived and started helping them."

"What…was….is your role at the club?"

"I help train doms and subs who are new to the lifestyle," he explains. "Usually it's guiding an inexperienced dom on a scene with an experienced sub but occasionally it's guiding an inexperienced sub through a scene."

"Oh…"

"I also assist with monitoring scenes in the main room and in some of the private rooms when a new couple wants to play in private," he continues.

"Do you enjoy it?" I ask and for a long time he doesn't answer.

"It's better than sitting at home alone," he admits quietly. "I work a lot of hours, so typically I'm only at the club one maybe two nights a week tops."

"Looks like we're here," I say as we approach a large metal gate at the end of the secluded road we've been driving on for the last hour.

"Let me handle this," he says before rolling down the window as the security guard approaches.

"Can I help you?" the guard asks.

"Reservation under Thompson," Christian doesn't hesitate to provide the alias that bureau gave him.

"Yes, I have you and your…guest on the list," he glances over at me slowly eyeing me over. I don't say a word, instead my eyes remain down as if the floor of the rental car is the most interesting thing on the planet. "When I open the gate, pull through and you'll see a parking area just ahead on your right. A guard will meet you there."

A second later the large gate opens, I make a note of the barbed wire outlining the top of it before we drive through. Ahead on the right is the small changing area that Christian referenced earlier; it looks like the type of dressing room you would find in a department store only out in the open with no roof over it. Across the dirt road is another building where we're instructed to put all of our electronics; once again Christian handles this and is given the key to the locker. The guard ruffles through our luggage I suppose making sure we're not trying to sneak electronics in. I hold my breath as he looks through the "toy" bag which has several items in it that the bureau has disguised as toys. Thankfully they must pass his test, because he zippers the bag shut.

"You may dress her in one of the rooms," he gestures towards the row of dressing rooms which are covered by a see through curtain. "Leave the clothes she's wearing on the bench, they'll be locked in your locker. You'll be given them back when you check out."

Christian doesn't say anything, instead taking my hand and my small bag and leading me into one of the empty stalls. He lays the bag on the small bench and rummages through the bag until he decides on an outfit. He chooses the outfit I wore when he brought me into the main room at Time Out the other night. In a way I'm glad he chose that dress, because the others are pretty revealing. I know eventually I'll wear them but this gives me the chance to warm up to the idea of being practically naked in this new place.

"Ready?" he mouths and I nod.

Christian lifts my shirt over my head slowly before kneeling down to take off my shoes. My jeans are next followed by my panties and bra, until I'm standing before him completely naked. My face blushes knowing that the curtains separating us from the rest of the resort are see through; my only comfort is that Christian is standing right in front of me, hopefully shielding me a little. I'm only naked for another second or so, before Christian slips the dress onto me tugging it down to ensure it covers my ass. He folds my clothes and leaves them on the bench. I take a deep breath as he shows me the leather collar before putting it on. Although we've practiced with it a couple of times, I'm still not completely comfortable wearing it. The leather leash is attached next; I glance over to see him secure it to his wrist.

"Okay?" he mouths and I nod too nervous to say anything and risk being overheard.

"She's beautiful," the guard says the moment I step out of the changing room.

"She is," Christian says firmly.

"Follow the road up to the large building ahead, the valet will take your car and park it while you check in. Be sure to take any of your belongings as the vehicles are parked quite a distance from the where you'll be staying."

"Understood," Christian nods before leading me…by the leash to the car. He opens my door, slipping off the leash before he closes is and goes around the front of the car to the driver's side.

"Ready?" I ask.

"No," Christian answers as we pull away.

"Me either."

"Let's get this done and go home," he says.