Chpt. 14 APOV:

I hated seeing her talk to him; I hated seeing her touch him. I hated the way it looked like she was trying to flirt with Christian. Why is it it's clear when a sub is collared, but not when a dom is committed to a sub? Although I didn't think a domme is supposed to be hitting on a dom; doesn't that defeat the purpose of the dom/sub relationship if neither party is submissive?

It shouldn't matter; it shouldn't bother me. Christian is only here with me because of the mission; if it weren't for the mission I never would have seen Christian again. He never would have touched me again. He never would have made love to me again…

"You okay?" Christian whispers as we walk through the lobby to the elevator.

"Fine," I reply even though I'm not.

I just want to get back to the room and forget that seeing her touch him bothers me, because I don't want to understand why it bothers me. If I admit it bothers me then I admit that I'm starting to feel something for Christian beyond him being my partner on this mission. I don't know what that means or how I feel about it. We haven't talked about it either, so I have no idea how Christian feels about me or anything that we do outside of a scene. Is this all an act? Is everything we've done just to prepare us for the mission? I inwardly cringe knowing that the night at his house, when he made love to me it had nothing to do with the mission. The next morning, in his bed when he took his time with me, it had nothing to do with the mission either. The times we've been together here, in our bed where we fall asleep at night with his arms wrapped around me…that had nothing to do with the mission. But did it mean something or was it just because he was horny from all the scenes we had done together?

"Let's go take a shower," he suggests the moment the door to our room closes.

"I would rather work on the details of the room," I start for the bed and am about to lift the mattress when his arm wraps around my waist and pulls me back against him.

"Your muscles are going to cramp up if we don't massage them from bending over for so long in the cage," he warns.

"I'm fine," I argue.

"You're not fine," he turns me around so we're face to face.

"I'm-" he cuts me off by picking me up, bending me over his shoulder and carrying me into the bathroom. "What are you doing?!"

He turns the shower water on without letting me go and then puts me right into the shower, clothes and all. A second later he's in the shower with me, having undressed before I could even consider what he was doing. He pulls me against him, my chest to his and wraps his arms around me before turning me so my back is against the warm water. His hands glide over my back, rubbing the muscles until he begins to feel me relax against him. I don't tell him how amazing his hands feel right now or that he was right and my muscles are tense from bending over for so long.

"Ana," he sighs but his hands don't stop massaging me. "I want you to know that the scene back there…you did amazing. I wasn't disappointed in your reaction, that you came, because I knew that's what would happen. I planned it that way; I planned it to push you so you couldn't hold back even when I denied you permission."

"I know you did," and I do. Initially I was disappointed in myself for coming without his permission. In our first sessions together he stressed how important it was that a sub waits for her dom to give her permission before she comes. But when he came with me, with his hands caressing me and his mouth sucking on my neck I knew that he wasn't disappointed. It only took me a minute or so to realize that he did that so that he would have an excuse to punish me. He told me my reaction needed to be genuine and the way he designed the scene I'm pretty sure it was.

"I was so proud of you," he continues. "You stayed in the scene, didn't forget where you were and even begged for permission right until the end. You were perfect out there."

"Th…thanks," I blush at his complement.

"Don't let it bother you, remember the goal was for you to be punished."

"It doesn't bother me; I knew why you did it."

"Then what is it? Was it the cage? I saw it in your eyes before you went in that you didn't want to be there. Was the half hour too much?"

"The cage was fine."

He lifts my chin up so I'm looking at him and I'm nearly gutted by the guilt I see in his eyes. He thinks what's bothering me is his fault.

"We need to be open with each other Ana," he says. "I need to know what I did to bother you so I make sure I don't do it again. I don't-"

"You didn't do anything."

"Then what's bothering you?" I open my mouth to say something but he cuts me off. "Don't tell me nothing, I know you. I know when something is bothering you. You seemed fine during the scene, but when I took you out of the cage it was obvious something was bothering you. If it wasn't something that happened during the scene or when you were in the cage, what was it? The only other thing that happened was-"

I see the realization in his eyes try to look away but he holds my chin firmly in place so I'm looking at him.

"You were bothered that Elena was talking to me," he says rather than asks. "Baby, you have nothing to worry about with her."

He leans down, gently kissing me probing at my lips with his tongue until I hesitantly let him in. His kiss is slow but gentle, almost reassuring.

"I hated that she was touched you," I cringe as I admit it.

"I hated that she was touching me too," he says against my lips. "I hated that she was sitting next to me and you weren't. I hated that she was talking to me and that I was forced to talk about you as if you weren't a person."

"I hate that I'm to wear a collar to show that I'm owned but that you don't have anything to show that you're…committed to a sub."

"She knows I'm committed to you-"

"I don't think it matters to her."

"You're right," he surprises me by admitting. "I don't think it matters to her that you're wearing my collar. But Ana, you need to know nothing would ever happen between me and her, that I-"

"I know, she's too old for you," I try a joke to lighten the mood.

"Nothing would happen because she's not you," his words silence me.

"Christian…" I don't know what to say.

"I'm yours Ana," backing me up against the wall of the shower he kisses me thoroughly. "I've always been yours, nothing can change that."

"I…."

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him back down to me so I can reach his lips. I kiss him, letting my actions tell him what I can't tell him with words. I can't tell him, because I have no words. What do you say to that? I have so many questions about what that means for us, for after the mission, for…everything. But I can't ask them; I don't want to know his answers because at this point I don't know what my answers would be. Can we have…something when we're done here? Could I open myself up like that again to him? Could I trust him completely again?

"Let's get you out of here, we need to take care of your muscles and then we can work on the outline of the room," he nips at my lip one final time. I don't miss the erection hard against me, but with the mention of what we need I know anything else needs to wait.

He strips me from my bra and panties, leaving them in shower before turning off the water and getting out. He hands me a warm towel and grabs one for himself, wrapping it around his waist before he heads into the bedroom to get changed.

"Before we start on the drawing, lay on the bed so I can massage your muscles," he says.

"I'm fine, the shower helped," I argue eager to get back to outlining the room so I can see where else we need to focus.

"I know it did," he takes my hand and leads me over to the bed despite my objection. "But, your muscles could tense up tonight while you're sleeping which will make doing any scenes tomorrow including the testing one near impossible."

"Oh."

"Take your towel off," he goes over to the dresser to grab a bottle of lotion.

You would think I'd be comfortable being naked around Christian after everything we've done, but I think it's different when we're not in a scene. My face heats up as I drop the towel and lay on my stomach on the bed. I close my eyes when I feel Christian kneel onto the bed; his slippery hands gently massage my shoulders, kneading the muscles before moving slowly down my back. My body is like putty by the time he reaches my calves; I don't think I could move right now even if I wanted to.

"Just lay like that and give the cream a few minutes to settle into your skin," he kisses me on the cheek before getting up from the bed.

I lay there, relaxed and momentarily forgetting about everything else. Eventually though Christian tells me I can get up; I reluctantly get off the bed amazed how relaxed I still feel. I grab a robe from the closet, slipping it on so we can focus on the drawing. If I had regular clothes here I would simply get dressed, but since everything I have here is next to nothing, the silk robe actually covers more than the outfits do. We spend the next two hours updating the room outline; as I had expected I could see much more from the cage. Being in there was demeaning and humiliating, but it accomplished what I wanted it to. I could look around the room without bringing attention to either of us. I was able to see things within the room that I would have otherwise missed. Although it didn't stop me from keeping in my line of sight the entire time though…him and that tramp who is easily twice our age.

"I think we should go back after dinner and scene again," I say once we take another picture of the drawing to send it to Donaldson tonight. I've taken pictures as we update the outline; I don't know if they prefer it that way but I figure the sooner I can get them information the better.

"Tonight? Are you sure you feel up to another scene?" Christian asks.

"We need to," I insist. "We have to scene three times before they will let us test. If we scene twice today, that leaves one scene for tomorrow and with some luck we'll be able to test tomorrow night."

"Are you sure you're up for it? That was a pretty intense scene…"

"I have to be."

"I don't like the idea of doing another scene so soon," he runs his hands through his hair in obvious frustration. "That was an intense scene, plus it was the first time we've…that you had a full scene in public."

I know what he's not saying…it was the first time that a scene has resulted in sex and where people were watching us. By the time the scene had gotten to that point though I honestly had forgotten that we were in a club and that people could be watching us. I was so turned on, so aroused, so on edge that everything else disappeared. It was as if the only thing that mattered was what Christian was doing to me at that moment. When he took the blindfold off and we left the area we were in it, I was completely embarrassed to see that people were standing just off the stage. I had to remind myself all the way to the cage that I was doing this for a reason; that this was all to find Kate and the other girls and get them the hell out of here. I can only hope that in the end, we find her and it makes all this crazy shit that we're doing worth it.

"I'm fine, I'll be fine," I assure him. "The faster we can get through this level, the faster we can get to the next level and get more information there."

"We'll scene again tonight on one condition," he says.

"Anything."

"When we come back tonight, you soak in the hot tub," he gestures to the jetted hot tub in the room that until now has gone unused. "I don't want you to wake up sore tomorrow from the scenes."

"Once we get back and update the room outline on anything else we saw tonight, I'll soak in the hot tub."

He nods; I know he isn't thrilled about doing another scene tonight but we need to. I don't want to waste time because I might be a tad sore tomorrow. Not when I have no idea what they're doing to Kate. Whatever they're doing I can guarantee she's a little more than sore. I can't let my own discomfort stop us from getting the information the bureau needs to move forward.

"Did you want to go take a walk around before dinner?" Christian suggests. "I think there are a few pool areas we haven't seen yet that we could check out. I don't know what Taylor has given the FBI, but we might see something he didn't."

"Sounds good," I agree.

Like each day, he goes to the closet and picks out an "appropriate" outfit for me to wear. I've noticed he's picking the ones that are less revealing; I have a feeling the others will come out once we've made it to the third level. I'm dreading some of those outfits, remembering how open some of the areas were.

"I'm not sure I even know how to wear this," I say as he hands me what looks like a bunch of lace straps.

"I'll help you," he hands me an incredible small pair of panties. Ones that are nearly open in the middle, the only thing covering the open area is a small strand of white beads. I tried on most of the outfits that were packed for me, but I definitely don't recall this one. I knew there were a few outfits that Sawyer and Mark had decided I didn't need to try on because they would fit because they were similar in styles to the other ones I already tried on or because they were so stretchy that size really didn't matter. I'm not entirely sure which category this one falls into.

I take off the robe, laying it on the chair next to and slip on the incredibly small pair of panties that Christian gave me. I blush when I stand up and catch him staring at me, obviously pleased with how the panties fit. I clear my throat and he blushes, having obviously been caught staring at me. The black lace in the front of the panties covers more the last pair did, but wearing panties with nothing in between is definitely a very different experience.

With Christian's help, I put the "dress" on which is really just a bunch of straps of lace fabric that crisscross over the front of my body. There's one strap that goes down each breast, thankfully covering my nipples; the straps connect just above my stomach before crossing back and forth until it reaches my waist. From there it's two pieces of lace that wrap around my thighs covering absolutely nothing which makes me glad I'm wearing the tiny scrap of panties. I walk over to the mirror, not even looking in it until I turn around. The back of the dress somewhat covers more than the front does; it's completely see through except for one thick piece of black lace that goes straight down the middle.

"Fuck Ana…" Christian hisses taking in the full outfit now that it's on.

"I thought you were crazy for insisting that we…scene at Time Out without me wearing any clothes," I admit. "But…I see the point now. Even though we did all that and despite what I've worn here, just the thought of wearing something like this outside of this room is…"

"You look…fuck Ana there are no words," he says. "Sexy….beautiful and stunning. I want to keep you in here; I don't want anyone else to see what's-I don't want anyone else to see you."

He might have caught himself, but I have a feeling I know what he was going to say.

"Thank you," I blush at his complement.

I slip on a pair of sandals and hand Christian the collar that he had taken off in the shower. I may hate this thing, but I make sure that any time we leave this room it's on me. I only take it off for showers and bed even when we we're in here I leave it on. I'd rather be safe than sorry after hearing how important a collar is for people who practice BDSM, especially when we're here.

Christian grabs his bag and the leash from the wall next to the door before we head out. The leash will stay in the bag until later we go back to the play area. I fight the need to cover myself up when we walk into the lobby where several couples are hanging around. I should be reassured that my outfit is similar to the ones some of the subs are wearing, but it doesn't make me less embarrassed to be walking through the lobby with my sex barely covered and the only thing stopping my boobs from falling out is a thin strip of lace fabric that runs underneath them.

Christian holds my hand as we walk through the lobby; I can feel the tension in his grip when we walk past the group. Even though my eyes are down I have no doubt that some of the people in the group are looking at me based on how tight Christian is gripping my hand. We both breathe a sigh of relief when we step outside, into the fresh air and away from everyone else.

"I don't know how I'm going to deal with you in some of those other outfits that were packed," he grimaces.

"Chances are it'll be what the other…subs are wearing," I shrug not questioning why he is going to struggle with people looking at me.

"I don't like them seeing…you," he hisses.

"I know."

We spend the next couple of hours walking around the resort; we visit the other pool areas that we hadn't seen even stopping to sit next to one of the pools and put our feet in the water. I know Taylor reported information about these common areas so I don't focus too much on them. It's important we maintain our cover as a couple here on vacation, which means we likely shouldn't spend the entire week in our room, only coming out to eat and scene. It's hard to believe but by the time we sit down for dinner I've nearly forgotten how revealing the outfit I'm wearing is. Compared to some of the other subs here, my outfit is actually pretty conservative. After dinner we head down a different path that is obviously not as well used as the others towards the play area and end up coming across a gated road.

"What do you think is in there?" Christian asks as we try to peer through the overgrown bushes.

"No idea," I shake my head.

Unfortunately we can't see anything from where we are; part of me wants to climb over the gate and go explore the area further but realistic part of me knows we can't do that right now. We're not armed, we have no back up and have no idea what we could be walking into. For all we know the owner's private residence is back there. Although my gut tells me it has something to do with the girls that have gone missing.

"We need to go," I grab Christian's hand and pull him back to the path quickly.

"What's going on?" he asks.

"Someone's coming," I pull him behind a large tree and we both crouch down waiting.

Sure enough a few minutes later the gate opens and a large man steps out from behind the gate and starts walking in our general direction. He's looking around so I don't think he's seen us yet, but he's definitely getting closer to us. I turn around and grab Christian's face, his eyes go wide in surprise as I try to communicate without words what I need from him. With a glance down the trail he figures it out, crushing his lips against mine. He picks me up as if I weight nothing, turning us around so I'm now straddling his thighs. He grabs my wrists and pulls them behind my back as he pushes me down against him. Someone clears their throat from us, I don't need to look up to know that it's the guy who was looking for us a few minutes ago. Christian pushes my head against his neck, before turning towards the man who interrupted us.

"What are you doing out here?" the man asks.

"What's it look like?" Christian chuckles.

"We have buildings for this sort of thing."

"My sub has been against having a scene outside, but finally opened up when we found this secluded area. It seemed like the perfect spot to experiment a little; I thought all areas of the resort were able to be used for a scene?"

"They are, but this area is not well traveled-"

"Right, which is exactly why I brought her out here. I knew if I got her to an area secluded enough she would agree to a scene outside."

"I'll have to ask you to move it along, next time use one of designated paths."

"I don't see what the issue is; if the entire resort can be used a scene we should be allowed to be here."

"I'm asking you to move it along."

"Fine."

I can feel the guy's eyes on me as Christian slowly lifts me from his lap before standing up. I keep my head down, eyes glued to the ground as Christian leads me back to the main path. I don't hear him following us, but neither of us say anything until we're back in one of the pool areas surrounded by other couples. Christian finds an empty pool chair off in a corner away from everyone else and sits down, bringing me onto his lap which gives us a chance to talk quietly.

"They're hiding something," I whisper. "I need to outline that gate on the map and send it tonight."

"It might be where they're keeping…the girls."

"I'll see if they can get word to Taylor about it; I doubt he knows about it."

Fuck…to be so close where Kate might be yet so far. It's taking everything in me not to go back there, find a way in and get Kate the hell out of there. Security is high though so the chances of sneaking in are zilch; I didn't see any cameras but we weren't there for more than a minute before they came looking for us. Perhaps they have a motion sensor set around the perimeter? Or small enough cameras that I didn't detect?

"We found something, which is a start," Christian says.

"You're right; hopefully it'll mean something once we send it out. If we don't find Taylor tonight, tomorrow we should walk around and see if we can't find him."

"That was quick thinking on your part," he says.

"You caught on quick," I shrug.

Thinking back on it now, I don't know what I would have done if it were Simpson out here with me instead of Christian. Even though I didn't know for certain that Christian would understand what I wanted, I trusted that he would keep me safe. I knew the look in his eyes enough to know when he realized what I was doing. I don't Simpson enough to know the look in his eyes nor does he know me well enough to know. The whole thing was doomed…

"You okay?" Christian asks.

"Just thinking how it wouldn't have worked if….," I admit. "We never would have made it this far."

"It wasn't a good fit," he says. "It's hard enough to trust someone enough to scene with them without having the chaos of this on top of it all."

"We should get going, they said space fills up at night," I suggest.

"You sure?"

"Yes, we need to do this," I say determined.