Chapter Nine
Far away from London, and knowing nothing about the deepest secret of his heart being spilled to his oldest enemy, Sirius spent the day working to make things safe for Remus during the full moon.
When he has asked him to run away with him, Sirius had promised that he would keep Remus safe - and though he had endangered his old friend by making him a wanted man, he at least intended to make sure no harm came to him during his transformation. Or to anyone else - of course. Remus could not bear the guilt if he hurt someone in his wolfish state … and if the Ministry caught even the merest whisper of someone suffering from what looked like a werewolf attack, that would bring the full might of the authorities down on top of them - even here, on tiny Herm.
If they were to stay successfully hidden, then Remus would have to be safely contained - and, to that end, Sirius worked all day - with little Harry balanced on his hip, so Remus did not have to care for him. The days before and after the moon were always bad - and Sirius did not want Remus tiring himself out before his transformation had even begun.
...
The Channel Islands had been invaded and occupied during the muggles' war of the forties and - though perhaps it was in poor taste to think of anything stemming from such monstrous loss as 'lucky' - as luck would have it, there was an old air raid shelter dug beneath the ground in their back garden.
It was sunk down deep and had reinforced walls and corrugated metal doors. It was built to withstand a direct hit from a bomb falling from a great height … it could easily contain one werewolf. Wizards really didn't give muggles enough credit for their knowhow - but this forty year old shelter, left abandoned, was really a marvellous feat of engineering.
In the past decades, since the war had finished, it had been used as a storage cellar and then - once the house was left empty, had simply been padlocked shut and left there.
...
With Harry in one arm, Sirius levelled his wand at the padlock and blasted it away. Then with another wave of his wand, the doors creaked open … and he peered down into the darkness.
There was a ladder, hanging to the wall, leading down to the ground below. Inside, there was a set of old iron bunk beds and even a toilet and a basin. Back in the day, the muggles had been prepared to get stuck down here for hours, if not days, at a time.
A pipe ran along the ceiling and down the back wall - and from the steady dripping sound it was clear that - at some point - it had sprung a leak. There were puddles of stagnant, standing water on the concrete floor as well as wooden crates of whatever it was its previous muggle owner had stored here. The whole place was damp and stale, and slime oozed down the walls.
But that was no matter.
...
With a flick of his wand and a mutter of 'evanesco', Sirius vanished the crates and the puddles. With another flick he fixed the leak in the pipe and cleaned the walls - making them like new again.
...
Not that it really mattered what the place looked like once the transformation had taken place - a werewolf neither knew nor cared what it's surroundings were like. All it would care about was getting free. But Moony would be down here waiting to transform, and he would wake up here - human once more - and Sirius cared that the place was not too depressing when Remus was at his most vulnerable, that it was not a place that would sap his friend's spirits even further, make him feel worse about what he was.
When Sirius had promised to keep Remus safe, he hadn't only meant physically safe - he was promising to take care of him in every way that mattered. Even if Moony didn't understand that.
...
Still with Harry carefully balanced in one arm, he climbed down the ladder one handed and then stood in the middle of the shelter - wand raised, and set to work making it habitable.
First he cast an enchantment to give them light, a low but warm glow that made the whole place seem instantly more cheerful and cosy. It must have worked, because Harry suddenly cooed in delight. Sirius glanced at him, smiling, 'you like that? Well, let's see what else Uncle Padfoot can do.'
He waved his wand towards the bunk beds. The iron bedsteads disappeared - but the old bedding was transfigured; creating a nest on the floor of feathery mattresses, clean sheets and soft, thick blankets - all fresh and new.
...
In his wolf state, a human bed was no good to Remus, but even transformed he would appreciate having somewhere soft to sleep - and would appreciate it all the more when he woke up - a man once more - aching and bruised.
...
With another swish, he conjured a thick carpet onto the hard floor - and with yet another he changed the dismal, grey walls to a nice deep, crimson. Then he conjured gold bunting to hang on the walls - and a banner with a gold lion on it.
This was much better - it felt almost like the common room at Hogwarts. It felt like happier times.
When he was satisfied with the place being good enough for Moony to spend time locked in, so it wouldn't feel like the prison it was, he started casting the enchantments that would actually do the work of keeping him locked in there.
He cast a charm so that once the door was closed it could only be opened by the counter charm. And even though the doors were metal - and above their heads, where a werewolf could not access it - he still cast another charm to make it even more resilient. He was not chancing Moony bursting his way out and into the garden, no matter how unlikely it seemed.
He climbed back up the ladder - still one handed, with Harry balanced on his hip - and then cast the muffliato charm, to disguise Moony's howls and stop them being heard across the island. And finally he cast a muggle repellant spell - so that even if someone did hear, did come to investigate - they would not get within twenty feet of the shelter without suddenly remembering somewhere else they urgently needed to be.
No one was getting to Moony - and Moony was not getting out. And Sirius would do everything in his power to keep it that way for as long as they were together. He would keep Remus safe. He had promised it - and he was determined to keep that promise. They were ready for tonight - he was now fully prepared...
...
… And the whole time he had been making his preparations - he had carefully avoided all thoughts of the other wizards out there who were also making preparations for Remus today. The ones back in Britain. The werewolf hunters, the ones who saw him as a dangerous beast to be disposed of. The ones who would be practising defensive spells and curses powerful enough to bring down a transformed werewolf. Who would no doubt be eager with anticipation at the thought of catching and killing this monster.
...
Sirius refused to think about them, and Remus would not even know about them. And all three of them would be safe.
Remus heard the back door open and then slam shut - and then the sound of the kettle boiling. He was lying on the sofa, in front of the fire - feeling guilty. His bones were aching, his head was throbbing and he already felt exhausted before the night had even begun but still … he shouldn't be leaving the care of Harry all to Sirius. Sirius had been out in the garden working all morning - and Remus had done precisely nothing.
...
It was one of the worst things about being a werewolf, how weak and useless he felt around the full moon. He had worked hard for years to refuse to feel the shame of his condition, to accept what he was without hating himself, to train himself not to be hurt at other people's hatred of him. But even though he could - on a good day - shake the shame, he was never able to shake the guilt of being useless and having to have other people run around and take care of him every 28 days.
Feeling useless, feeling weak - it was hard not to hate himself when he felt like this … He wondered if this was how it felt to be Peter all the time. Weak and useless and good for nothing - and utterly wretched with it. Perhaps this was why things had turned out the way they had.
...
The kitchen door opened - and Sirius came through into the living room, carrying Harry and levitating a tray, with two cups of tea and a plate of biscuits, in front of him. He dropped Harry into his play pen, waved his wand so that the tray landed on the coffee table - and then sat down on the floor next to the sofa, looking up at Remus.
'How are you doing?' he asked.
'I will be alright - I'm sorry I've not been any help today.'
'What?' Sirius let out a bark of laughter - and then his face softened completely, becoming all concern. He rested his arm on the seat of the sofa and his chin on top of his arm and looked into Remus' eyes. 'It's a full moon. I don't expect you to help. I don't want you to help. I want you to conserve your energy so you can get through tonight and then start to feel better. I just want you to feel better.'
Remus smiled appreciatively, though it looked more like a grimace of pain, 'I will do.'
'I've been working on ...you know,' he dropped his eyes, 'a safe place for you to transform. You don't need to worry about anything - I've sorted it all out.'
'Thank you - you said you'd keep me safe.'
'And I will do. Nothing else matters to me. I mean …' He inhaled sharply and tried to backtrack a little, give himself a bit more cover: 'just you, me and Harry - being safe. That's everything.'
Remus smiled again.
Sirius risked another glance upward, making eye contact once more. 'And - I'll be with you tonight, Moony. I won't make you transform alone.'
'But - Harry -' Remus began to protest.
'I've sorted it all, I said I would. There's an old woman in the next house along the cliff face. I told her we had to go away overnight on business - she's agreed to come and babysit Harry. She'll sleep here tonight, look out for him.'
Remus shook his head, 'that puts both of them in danger. If I escape - she can't protect…'
'You won't escape, Moony, old friend.' His voice was determined and his eyes were shining. He sat up straighter and took hold of Remus' hand, squeezing it firmly. 'You know you can maintain some semblance of self, some vestige of your mind, when I'm with you - it's always been that way. You'll be calmer if I'm with you, your transformation less painful - I can keep you under control, stop you from trying to escape. And the protection spells I've cast will do the rest. Believe me, Remus - I wouldn't take any chances with your safety. Or Harry's. We're all we have left - the three of us - and I know what to do for the best.'
After a moment, Remus nodded - and squeezed Sirius' hand back. 'Thank you,' he said, once again, quietly this time. 'For everything.'
...
They looked at each for a long, heart stopping moment - hands held and hearts beating in tandem … and then Remus broke the moment, looking away. 'Was a paper not delivered today?' He asked.
Sirius shook his head, 'believe me - you didn't want to read it.'
Remus sighed - looking even wearier than before, but he looked at Sirius again - and smiled weakly. 'Let me guess - I was front page news again? The monster that threatens little Harry. Voldemort's werewolf.'
'Something like that.'
'You don't have to protect me from the things they say about me, Padfoot.' He squeezed his hand again. 'I appreciate that you try - but really, it's not necessary. I already know what they think of me. I've known since I was a boy.'
'Well - if you know what they say - then there's no need for you to read about it, is there?' Sirius replied, trying to keep his voice light - trying to hide the pain in his heart caused by the threats of the Ministry on Remus' life. The way they had talked about him … like he was an animal, the language they had used … He couldn't let Remus see that.
...
Remus smiled - a little stronger than last time, it finally reached his eyes - though he still looked exhausted, the dark smudges beneath his eyes were still too prominent on his ashen face. 'I do appreciate everything you do for me.'
'You're my best friend.'
'I'm your only friend.'
There was a bark of laughter. 'That too.'
'And now you're my only friend…'
'And we'll muddle along - just the two of us … and Harry.' There was another tense, breathless moment - of matching longing and unspoken truths hanging heavy between them - and then Sirius cleared his throat and broke free. 'The tea will be getting cold.' He moved slightly, so he could pick up one of the mugs and then pass it across to Remus, without the werewolf having to move.
As the cup switched hands, their skin grazed against each other - and there was a mutual sharp intake of breath, as they both struggled to get their yearning under control.
Sitting in front of his fire, working his way through a plate of caramel shortbread sent to him by a witch called Doris Crockford - along with a hand knitted pair of mittens and a 'with sympathy' card that sang when he opened it, Wormtail read the front page of the Sunday Prophet with an increasing sense of excitement.
He didn't know why it excited him so much - the thought of Remus being hunted; the thought of Sirius and Remus being wanted men - the thought that they might spend the rest of their lives in Azkaban for something that he, Peter, had done … But it did. He was flushed and sweaty and his heart was beating faster and faster as he read all about the squad of elite dark creature catchers making ready to capture and maybe even execute his old school friend.
This was not how any of them had ever envisaged their lives turning out, when they had been still in school - the four of them. James dead, Sirius and Remus on the run - Remus a hunted animal - and Peter the only one left standing. And yet this was what had transpired.
...
And, if Remus were caught and killed, then there would be even more interest - Peter would be able to send more stories into the paper. And then there would be more attention: more brownies and flapjacks and tenderly knitted scarves and lovely, long, admiring letters. Yes, the thought of Remus desperate and hunted and how that would serve Peter pleased him very much, indeed.
He wondered what news tomorrow's paper could bring. Though - whatever became of Moony - while there was all this interest in the wolf, Peter certainly had stories he could share on that front.
...
The wizarding world was horrified at the thought of Remus transforming, endangering Harry, endangering them all - if they happened across him. Their hair would curl if Peter told them the stories from school - how the three of them had broken a transformed Remus out of his safehouse and gone marauding around the school and grounds and Hogsmeade.
He thought of all their planned adventures - and then of all the times they had gone wrong; when Moony had nearly given them the slip, had nearly got away from them and been left free to attack someone.
He thought how, when Moony was out of control, it was always Sirius - as Padfoot - who would calm him down, bring back some slither of Remus into the wolf's insane mind and so get him to behave once again.
Perhaps it was because Sirius transformed into a dog, and Remus was a wolf and the two animals were so similar that Sirius was the one who could always get through to Moony - a rat and a stag could not understand the wolf's mind the way a dog could.
Or maybe it was something else …
...
Either way, it could be spun to be more evidence of their connection - of how deep and how far back the rot went in them - how they were always a pair, and that Remus belonged to Sirius - not with him but to him - when he had never belonged anywhere else. And how he always did the other boy's bidding.
Yes, there was lots that Peter could share and - greedy with the thought of more care packages being sent to him - he pulled a roll of parchment, his ink and his quill towards himself and began to dash off a note to Rita Skeeter, offering her yet another scoop.
...
Dear Rita,
Following today's paper, I was thinking our readers might enjoy some tales of Lupin's transformations from our school days. I'm afraid to say he did not always stay safely hidden as Dumbledore asked of him, but instead would leave his bolthole and go marauding with the three of us in our transformed animal forms.
As you can imagine - this was very dangerous - and there were many near misses that I would be glad to share with the Prophet.
Do get in touch by return owl.
Peter
...
He read it back, feeling very pleased with himself - squirming in delight at the thought of a few more days' attention and fame … And then he frowned. He read the note back again, his forehead wrinkled and his mouth turned down at the sides, as he spotted the problem. He had mentioned their animagus forms … But the three of them were unregistered and - he thought - James had once said something about that being illegal.
Well, he certainly didn't want to get into trouble himself.
...
He scrunched up the parchment and threw it on the fire. Maybe he would just tell Rita that Sirius was an unregistered animagus and that it had only been the two of them that broke the law this way. Yes … that would do.
He eagerly pulled a fresh piece of parchment in front of him - and then paused… But if only Sirius was involved, how did Peter know about it? And if Peter knew about it - why hadn't he told Dumbledore what the two of them were up to?
He put his quill down again.
No - he couldn't mention anything about the transformations and their adventures and not risk getting into trouble himself or at least finding himself having to answer serious questions.
And he did not want that. He wanted to stay the people's hero. He certainly didn't want trouble - or for the steady supply of pineapple upside cakes to dry up.
...
In the end - he wrote a much briefer note to Rita:
Dear Rita,
Whatever happens tonight with the hunt for Lupin, I would be delighted to give an exclusive comment for tomorrow's paper. Do get in touch by return owl.
Peter.
...
There - that would keep him out of trouble and in the limelight. Thanks, Moony, old friend!