Chapter Thirty
Remus' arm still throbbed. He lay on his mattress and stared listlessly out of the window - watching the black of the night turn back into the grey of daytime.
He didn't have long left now. The moon was not yet fully faded from the sky and he could see how fat it was - how almost full. 5 days. Including today. Though between the pain in his arm and the misery of the dementors he could hardly say he cared overly much. Life had ceased to be worth living once they had separated him from …
...
It hurt that Sirius had left him here - and he could think about that, because it caused pain. The dementors might take every soft smile, or shared laugh, every joke, every adventure and every gentle - much too few, much too fleeting - kiss, but they left the pain.
He could think about the hurt he had felt when Sirius had betrayed his secret to Snape … and how he had forced himself to fight it down because he couldn't bear to fall out with one of the few people who knew his secret and didn't hate him. He could think about the morning he had woken up and realised Sirius had believed him to be the spy - the hurt of knowing Sirius did not trust him. And he could think about how Sirius had now abandoned him here, in this terrible place, to die alone.
...
It wasn't that he begrudged Sirius his freedom, it wasn't that he wasn't glad that Sirius had found a way out and was no longer being tormented by the Azkaban guards. The thought of Sirius out in the world would cheer his heart and lift his spirits … if he didn't know all too well that he must not allow himself to feel that way.
But he didn't understand why Sirius had not waited just one week longer. Stayed until after Remus was dead. He hadn't realised, until he had heard he was gone, just how much comfort he was still getting from knowing Sirius was nearby. But now Sirius was gone, that one flicker of comfort snuffed out, and Remus was alone - would die alone.
And worst of all - Remus had now betrayed Sirius. He hadn't meant to, he had fought as hard as he could, had had to be tortured until he was in so much pain that he didn't know what he was doing … but he had betrayed Sirius. He had let Snape see his memories - let him see Sirius transform into Padfoot. They would now be hunting Sirius as a man and as a dog… and Sirius would have nowhere to hide.
...
If only he had waited until Remus was dead! Surely he must have realised they would question him, Remus, once Sirius was missing - and though Remus hoped with all his heart that Sirius knew he would never betray him willingly, surely even Sirius was not so naive as to overlook the fact that the Ministry would have ways of making Remus talk?
If he had just waited until after the full moon, then Remus couldn't have betrayed him - and as long as he stayed as Padfoot, Sirius could remain free forever. But now - now he was bound to be captured, sooner or later, and it was simply the work of a quick and easy enchantment to keep Sirius bound in his human form - a binding spell on his prison cell and he would be stuck as Sirius forever. He would not escape twice.
If only Sirius had waited … the pain of their now mutual betrayal gnawed at his heart. They loved each other so much … and yet kept on causing the other harm. Maybe there was something wrong with them after all. Maybe their love was wrong. If they hurt each other this much.
...
But for Merlin's sake - an extra week! Could Sirius really not bear to be here one week longer? They had already endured three - what was one more? If it meant a lifetime of freedom?
Perhaps - he turned his head from the window, saw his mutilated wrist and closed his eyes to avoid having to look at it - perhaps Sirius could simply not bear to be here when they executed Remus. To be this close and unable to do anything about it. Perhaps he had just needed to get away - to run away - and not have to face up to all he had lost. Remus couldn't blame him for that, and he certainly couldn't hate him for it. He could never hate Sirius.
After a cold and uncomfortable night under the bridge, using sheets of his stolen newspaper as a blanket, Sirius was awoken early by a chorus of birds greeting the dawn. He yawned and stretched out his limbs, breathed in the fresh air and felt glad to be alive for a few moments … and then the pressing urge of his bladder made him get up off the hard ground.
He made an itinerary, in his head, of things he needed to do today. He should get another paper - track what they were saying about him, track anything they were saying about Peter. Then he needed to find something to eat and drink. The bacon sandwiches in the wizarding cottage were feeling like a very very long time ago now - and if he hadn't got used to starvation rations in Azkaban, these past few weeks, he would probably be too hungry to keep going, right now.
...
Once relieved, he transformed back into Padfoot. First things first - the morning paper. He started to head back towards Knockturn Alley … but was distracted - as he ran past a greasy spoon cafe - by the tantalizing smell of cooking sausages. Well … the paper wouldn't say anything different if he ate first, would it?
He stood up on his hind legs, put his front paws against the window of the cafe and pressed his nose to the glass. After a moment, the muggle behind the counter spotted him - and came outside with a broom to swat him away. He dropped his paws, tilted his head, crooked one ear so it looked lovably scruffy and whined a little in his throat.
The broom stopped mid swat. 'Oh go on then,' the muggle grumbled - and bustled inside, returning a moment later with a plate of sausages and a dish of water. 'But this isn't every day!' She warned.
Sirius yelped his thanks - and then wolfed down the sausages and lapped thirstily at the water, draining it to the bottom and then licking around for every last drop.
...
While he was having his breakfast, he noticed something odd. There was a man further down the street. He was wearing muggle clothing but … from the odd looks the passing muggles gave him, it seemed to Sirius that he was probably dressed quite strangely. He looked strange: white riding jodhpurs, and a dress shirt and tie - with running shoes and a Deerstalker hat… The imprecise way of putting a muggle outfit together suggested a not very successfully undercover wizard.
And the wizard was trying to coax a black dog towards himself. 'Here boy, come on - here boy.'
Sirius watched him covertly, his snout half buried in his sausages.
Another strangely dressed person appeared - and from the electric purple, strapless ball gown and denim jacket she had on, Sirius would bet his freedom she was a witch as well. She too was coaxing a black dog towards her - having rather more success than her coworker.
'Have you seen the one down the road - outside the cafe?' He heard the witch say. 'Big thing - I'll get it.'
...
Padfoot, just finishing the last of his water, looked up, looked around … and realised she must be talking about him. The witch bundled the dog she had captured into the back of a standard looking transit van (though Sirius doubted very much it was anything of the sort) and started towards him.
With a final yelp of thanks to the kindly muggle who had fed him, he turned tail and fled. He heard a shout behind him: 'oi!' And the thunder of footfalls. But then there was a stumble and a crash … and when he dared a glance back, the witch seemed to have tripped over the trailing hem of her own ball gown and flumped to the ground in a heap.
He barked in triumph and dodged down an alleyway, and then another and another … until he was far away from the dog catching wizards. Then he allowed himself to slow down and start picking his way back to Knockturn alley.
He wondered what was going on. If they belonged to the hated Dangerous Beast Department, then dogs were a bit below their usual quarry. But a fine thing it would be if he managed to escape Azkaban and then wound up getting caught and sent to the pound.
...
He jogged through the streets, found the concealed entrance to the Knockturn Alley and crept along, keeping to the shadows. Even this street was busier than it had been last night - businesses opening up for the day, rather than shutting down, and he knew Diagon Alley would be busier still.
But perhaps that would make things easier … he would stand out less in a crowd.
He turned the corner into Diagon Alley, and trotted along until he found the newspaper vendor and - once again - waited until he was distracted before he swiped a copy of his own - and then hotfooted it back to the muggle world.
...
Once safely under his bridge again, he dropped it from his mouth, turned back into a man and picked the paper up to read it.
The semi circle by the price was bigger again, today - and happily exclaiming only 5 days left to go. He felt sick with anger. Only 5 days until the full moon. Peter wasn't meeting Harry for another two days … which meant Sirius was cutting things very fine for rescuing Moony. He could not bear the thought of failure. Could not bear the thought of what the headlines would say the morning after ...
But he needed to look at what the headlines were saying today … and what he saw made his heart plummet to his kneecaps. If them finding out that he was free already had been a bitter blow then this was just …
...
A Shaggy Dog Story!
...
The headline blared. Followed by:
...
Sirius Black revealed to be an Animagus!
...
So that explained what that witch and wizard had been doing back in central London. He would need to be extra careful now… But how could they...? He furrowed his brow and read what Rita Skeeter had to say this morning.
...
Following his seemingly impossible escape from the wizarding prison of Azkaban and a return to life on the run, questions have been being asked - from the hearths of our homes to the halls of power - how could Sirius Black have done it?
It is well known that no wizard has ever before managed to escape the terrifying jail - which stands on an island many miles out to sea and is guarded by none other than the dementors - creatures who suck all hope and happiness out of a human - leaving them weak and helpless. Most prisoners go mad within weeks of arrival. But then Sirius Black - the right hand man of You Know Who - was never "most prisoners" and his escape had shaken the nation.
But now - your fearless reporter (Rita Skeeter - first on the scene of every scandal) can exclusively reveal how he has achieved such a feat.
Sirius Black - it would seem - is none other than an illegal animagus and has been one since he was still at Hogwarts! Sources tell us that he takes on the form of a massive, bear-like, black dog - and that he learned how to do this in order to keep his monstrous pet, the werewolf Remus Lupin, company during his full moon transformations. (Once again - delicacy forbids us from speculating what precisely may have gone on while the men were in their animal forms … but the memory of how they were arrested still persists).
...
Despite his growing alarm, Sirius still felt himself blush as he read that. As if he and Remus would ever … It had been done for love. Pure, brotherly love. And here they were twisting it and making it something salacious and shameful. Fighting down the flush of embarrassed heat, he forced himself to read on.
...
Many of our readers may well be aware that the process of becoming an animagus is so difficult and dangerous that the Ministry keeps close tabs on any wizards attempting the transformation - and that to do so without the proper oversight of the authorities is strictly prohibited.
Nevertheless - even as a teenager - Black seems to have considered himself to be above such petty laws and rules as we mere mortals must follow, and broke several in order to attain this new power.
It is believed he used his animagus form to slip past the guards, clamber through the bars and swim off the island and back to the mainland … and that he will have travelled as a dog in order to stop himself from being spotted.
The Ministry has sent out squads of specially trained law enforcement wizards …
...
He thought of the bumbling pair he had seen in the city, and their ridiculous attempts to blend in with the muggles … If that was "specially trained" he didn't have much to worry about.
...
To round up every stray black dog they can find - which they will take back to headquarters and test using the complex 'Facero Hominus' charm. This is a silent spell which forces an animagus to return to his native form. If used on a regular animal the animal will, of course, be completely unharmed.
It is hoped Black will be found within the next day and returned to prison, where an enchantment to prevent him transforming will be placed on his cell. It is only a matter of time before Black is back with his wolf, and we can all sleep more soundly in our beds.
...
Sirius sat back and exhaled slowly. This was a blow. Though looking for a silver lining - at least the snivelling little Wormtail hadn't been called on to make a statement about this latest development. He could just imagine Peter fluttering his hands and widening his eyes and being oh so very shocked by the revelation. The stinking hypocrite.
But if Peter wasn't quoted - then that surely meant Peter was not the one who had spilled the beans. So how could they have possibly found out?
...
He discovered the answer to that when he turned the page - and found himself twisted with rage, feeling sick with anger … and then terrible guilt.
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The Hero and The Soon To Be Headless Monster!
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The headline screamed. And then underneath there was a picture of Moony. Sirius stared longingly at the photo … he was so beautiful. He wanted him back so much. He was not going to let the wizarding world cut off Remus' head. No matter what it took. And nor was he ever going to forget the terrible things they had said about him … and he certainly would never forgive any of it.
...
Beside the picture of Moony was a picture of Snivellus Snape. And - with a snort of disgust - Sirius realised that Snape was being hailed as the hero in the headline.
Ever since James had died, it felt like he and Remus had fallen into some freakish, nightmarish upside down world - where they were hunted men, and Remus was sentenced to death, and Peter was a celebrity and now - now - it turned out that Snape, the actual Death Eater among them, was a hero!
When this was all over, once their names were cleared, he and Remus were going to be owed some very big apologies … but he couldn't see that it would ever be enough. He couldn't see how they could ever go back after all this. They would need to take Harry and move onto something new - just the three of them.
He started to read - and every sentence made him angrier.
...
Following his heroic capture of the traitor and Death Eater, Sirius Black, and his monstrous werewolf lover, Remus Lupin - Severus Snape, the unassuming champion of justice, returned to his quiet life at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where he is among one of the most skilled and popular teachers.
However - as much as our enigmatic chevalier may crave a quiet life out of the spotlight, it seemed like his humble wish was not to be granted.
For, two days ago, Sirius Black achieved the impossible and became the first ever wizard to break out of Azkaban Prison.
Having been the one to make the original arrests, the noble and fearless Severus Snape, 21, was immediately called back to duty - and sent out to the terrifying island to see if he could discover any clues as to how this impossible act had been accomplished.
'Our first stop was the wolf,' Ministry auror, John Dawlish, 36 - who accompanied our righteous truth seeker to the prison - reported.
'It didn't want to tell us anything - Snape cast a patronus and, under its protection, the beast grew strong - laughing at us and spitting at us … really disgusting stuff.'
...
Even under his anger, Sirius felt warm with pride at the thought of his Moony refusing to be cowed by a whole load of armed wizards barging into his cell and making demands. Remus was worth a thousand of the lot of them, put together. Of course he had fought. Of course he had refused to answer - not that he knew anything anyway. But he had laughed at them - fought them in his own quiet way. He was brave. He was a Gryffindor right to his heart - and these sad bastards couldn't begin to understand what that meant.
...
It seems that Snape had nor expected to get much from the wolf just by asking, however. 'Well - the creature is loyal to its master, isn't it?' Dawlish says. 'Isn't going to do a thing unless Black tells him he can … pathetic animal.'
...
Sirius was back to seething again. He was not Remus' master. He was his friend, his equal. Absolutely. Remus was loyal to him because they were friends … because they were in love. No other reason.
...
It made his hands shake with rage when these other wizards refused to see or respect Remus' humanity. They were enjoying being cruel. Sirius knew it, Remus knew it, they knew it … and still they did it.
It was a wicked world where men, not half the man Remus was, could treat him so badly - be so vicious - and get away with it. But Sirius had not read the half of their cruelty yet.
...
Having failed to get anywhere with regular questioning, Snape then attempted to use legilimency on Lupin - a complex form of magic, which the bold Severus Snape is said to excel at.
Legilimency - our readers may be aware - is the casting of a spell that allows a wizard to see into the mind of his opponent, sift through his thoughts and memories and almost allow him to read his mind.
'That should have been enough,' Dawlish says, 'only the patronus was making Lupin so strong that he had the wherewithal to use occlumency back on us.'
Occlumency, of course, being the counter charm that allows those whose minds are being penetrated to block the would be penetrator.
...
Well done, Moony , thought Sirius - feeling pleased again... It didn't last.
...
'We really were at an impasse,' Dawlish tells us, 'except we had prepared for this eventuality in advance. And a bit of "silver persuasion" was enough to make the beast start screaming, spilling his guts out - every memory of his master he had was opened right up for Snape to read.'
...
Sirius stared at the words "silver persuasion" - they seemed to blur in front of him - and a red mist descended.
...
Silver, of course, is deadly painful to a werewolf, if it ever comes in contact with its skin. The purity of the metal reacts to the contamination of the curse, the disease in the wolf's soul, and so the wolf cannot touch silver without feeling immense, blinding, unbearable pain.
'We put a silver chain on its wrist - left it like that for ages. The smell was… it was like a hog roasting on an open spit. And Merlin - the screams. The pain was so bad the thing actually wet itself…' Dawlish chuckles heartily at the memories. 'But it did the trick. Under that kind of pain there was no way Lupin could employ occlumency - and Snape read him like a book … seeing the images of Black turning into a dirty, great dog - ever since they were boys together at school.'
And once the interrogation was over, what became of the wolf's injuries? 'Who cares?' chortles Dawlish. 'It's going to die soon anyway.'
Who cares, indeed? The execution is set for five days hence - the night of the full moon - and a silver burned wrist will be the least of the werewolf's problems. Meanwhile, its betrayal of its master means our own hero, Severus Snape, stands an excellent chance of returning Black to justice...
...
Sirius dropped the paper to the ground and fell onto all fours, fighting the urge to throw up. He was quivering with rage and pain and guilt. That they had dared - dared - to do … do that to his Remus. To torture him. That this was allowed - that they would get away with it, that they were so sure of getting away with it that they would boast about it in the paper. That people would agree it was the right thing to do, that Remus had it coming … that torture was what he deserved.
He lost the fight - and vomited up the sausages, noisily. Once he was done, he fell back down, trembling and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
He couldn't get the thought out of his head - of poor Moony with a band of silver manacled around his wrist, unable to get free.
...
Once - at Hogwarts - when everything was still bright and whole and perfect - Sirius had been complaining about the awfulness of his family (he did that quite frequently, truth be known). He had talked about how arrogant they were, how smugly superior, how impressed with their own bloodline they were; that it was ridiculous - but they loved themselves so much they had had their family crest stamped on all their plates and goblets and cutlery. Just so they could show off.
Remus - in his second hand robes and with his father's old hand me down spell books - had not believed him. Had not believed that anyone - anywhere - was so rich they could afford to waste money on something so pointless as monogramming their own knives and forks.
So when it was Christmas, Sirius had stashed one of the Black family goblets in his trunk and taken it back to school in January to show to his doubting friend.
...
As he unpacked his robes, up in their dormitory, he had taken out the cup and tossed it at Remus. 'Here you go, Moony - I told you we had our name stamped on everything.'
He had turned back to his unpacking, only seeing Remus catch the goblet out of the corner of his eye - but then a second later there had been an agonised bellow of pain and the sound of the cup clattering to the floor.
Alarmed, Sirius had been at his side in moments - James and Peter converging on him too.
Remus' hands - his palms where he had caught the cup - were a stinging, bright red, and angry blisters were popping up along the heels and pads of his hands.
...
Sirius' family were so rich that all their plates and goblets and cutlery were made out of pure silver - real silver … and he just … he hadn't thought.
...
They had taken Remus down to the hospital wing, lying to everyone they met about what had happened, to try and protect Remus' secret. Madam Pomfrey had applied all sorts of ointments and tinctures to the wounds, cleaned them and bandaged them (fortunately she knew about Moony's condition so they could tell her the truth and she could treat him accordingly). But, even so, he had not been able to use his hands properly for over a week.
He couldn't hold a knife and fork, and the others had had to cut his food up for him so he could pick at it with his finger tips. Unable to use a quill, Sirius had insisted on doing all his homework for him until the very last of the redness had died away - nearly a month later.
...
And that was the damage that only a second of touching silver had done. Sirius could not begin to imagine - could not bear to imagine - what being chained up in silver for an extended period of time would have done to Remus.
And this was partially his fault. Just like last time. He just hadn't thought. That was what it always came down to. Sirius didn't think things through - and Remus ended up getting hurt.
Sirius had been so focused on getting out of jail, on stopping Peter, on saving Remus and getting Harry back … that it had never occurred to him what the Ministry would do when he was discovered missing. It had simply never crossed his mind that they would go to Remus, that they would make him talk when he refused to betray his friend.
...
Remus never betrayed him. No matter how many times Sirius broke his trust, Remus was always loyal. He was too good for this world. Far too good for Sirius.
Sirius wondered if Remus would find it in himself to forgive this latest betrayal, this latest hurt, as he had forgiven Sirius believing he was the spy. As he had forgiven him for that that stupid fifth year prank. It had been done to try and stop the execution … that might count for something. But still - Sirius wouldn't blame him if that still wasn't enough.
...
He was still trembling. He was still more angry and more sad than he had felt since James was first dead. He wanted to curl up in a ball and cry - for Remus, for what they had done to him, for how they must have now marked him - given him another scar to be ashamed of. But he couldn't.
It was more imperative than ever that he succeed. He needed to free Remus, now more than ever. He needed to start making real, detailed plans.