Six

Fin was right on time outside of Olivia's building to pick her up the next morning. His alarm bells began to ring when he saw her practically burst through the front door of her building. She stormed up to his car, wrenched open the passenger door, and collapsed into the seat.

"Liv, what the –"

"Just drive to the precinct, then we're going up to the roof to talk," commanded Olivia. Her whole posture was rigid, her arms were crossed, and she looked like she'd barely slept.

"Got it," said Fin, merging onto the road with his usual offensive driving tactics.

For a minute, there was silence. Fin desperately wanted to ask but knew better than to push her. Besides, it looked like Olivia was bursting to tell him.

When she did finally speak, she only spoke two words:

"Elliot's back."

And Fin could only say two words in response:

"Oh, shit."

They didn't say anything else until they were on the rooftop alone. Fin leaned against the brick wall beside the door while Olivia paced and told him everything. The only thing she glossed over was the contents of his letter, saying only a general outline of where he'd been and that he'd explained his reasons for leaving her behind.

When she was finished, Fin stepped away from the wall and walked towards Olivia slowly, speaking calmly. "Breathe, baby girl, come on," he said. Her pacing slowed to a stop and she did as he asked. "That's it, in and out."

When Olivia felt calm enough, she spoke again. "I just…I had written off the possibility that I would ever see him again."

"Ever?" asked Fin, a little surprised.

Olivia huffed out a sigh. "Fin, I had to just to get by, especially that first year. Then, after Lewis…" Olivia ran a hand over her face, shoving down the nausea that saying his name always caused in her. "…and I didn't hear anything…I had to mourn him like a death. When all of that happened to me and still I heard nothing…"

Olivia shook her head, unable to continue, but Fin understood her. He put a hand on her shoulder and said, "Well…you said he's been in Europe until a few months ago. So there's a good chance that he didn't know, probably still doesn't know. Would that be better?"

"Yeah," said Olivia, having already thought about this. "I'll gladly take he didn't know what was happening over he did know but still chose not to reach out…" She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "Anyway, he's back in the city now and says he plans to stay. I'm reconnecting with his kids, and I'm thrilled to be able to do that…"

"But you don't know about him yet," concluded Fin. "How you want him back in your life…or if you do."

Olivia was shaking her head, looking down at the ground. When she spoke again, her voice was so soft that Fin almost didn't hear her. "I'll always want him in my life, Fin. I can't lie to myself about that anymore. I tried to, for a long time, but now that this door is opened and I've read that letter…" She looked back up at him and spoke in a normal-volume but strained tone of voice. "Everything is different now. I'm not the same person I was four years ago, and it sounds like he's changed, too. And it's not just me anymore – I have Noah to think about, too. I won't bring anybody into his life that I'm not sure is willing to stick around. Even though I understand the reasons he gave, I'm still angry with how he left. For as long as I knew him, our partnership was our relationship and the boundaries were clear. Now…"

Fin nodded. "I get it, Liv. It's a lot to process and figure out. But you don't have to do it all today. Take all the time you need to figure out the next step for yourself. And you know I'm here if you need to talk. I've got your back, Liv."

Olivia nodded and smiled at him. "I know, Fin, and I appreciate that. To be honest, I half expected you to tell me to find him and kick his ass before walking away, or else going to do it yourself."

Fin grinned at her. "Oh, it's tempting, and I'm not ruling that out just yet. I won't deny that I've had my problems with Stabler, but I always respected him as a cop and a person. He's more good than bad, and whatever his reasons were for walking, I'm sure he thought he was doing the right thing. Am I right?"

Olivia nodded. "And you would be ok with him being back in my life?"

"Liv, you don't need anybody's approval for how you live your life. Personally, if you're both willing to figure something out, I think it would be great for you and for Noah. I saw how much it hurt you when he left, and that wound is overdue to be healed. Like I said, Liv, take your time to figure it out."

Olivia nodded, let out a breath, and they looked out at the city for a while. She broke the silence first. "Fin…would you do something for me?"

"Name it, Lieutenant."

She grinned before saying seriously, "He mentioned in his letter that he'd been considering reaching out to you before my bump-in with Lizzie provided the opening he needed. When I have a response to his letter ready… would you be willing to play messenger for me?"

"Absolutely. Just give me the word when you're ready and I'll make it happen."

"Thank you." She took a resolute breath. "Now, let's go to work."

Fin nodded and followed her back inside.

On the following Sunday evening, there was a knock on Elliot's apartment door. He opened it softly and put a finger to his lips when he met Kathy's eye. He let her in and pointed to his sofa, where their seven-year-old son was fast asleep. They walked into his kitchen area so they would be able to talk.

Kathy was silently laughing as he spoke first, "What can I say? He treats the playground like an obstacle course to be run over and over again."

"And I wonder where he gets that from," said Kathy, shaking her head in amusement. "You guys had a fun weekend, then?"

Elliot nodded. "And don't worry, he finished all of his homework this morning before we went to the park."

"Good."

"And did you and Andrew have a nice weekend?"

Kathy nodded. "Neither of us had to work, so it was nice to just have a few days off."

She lightly punched Elliot in the shoulder as a smirk spread across his face. This new ease and friendship between the two of them was something that both were grateful for every day. Kathy bit her lip before she spoke again, signifying that she wasn't sure just where this question would lead.

"So…Lizzie came over for lunch yesterday. She told me."

Elliot didn't need to ask what Kathy was referring to. He clutched the kitchen counter behind him and wordlessly nodded down to his shoes.

"Elliot…" Kathy placed a gentle hand on his arm. "I'm glad you've found a way to reach her, and that the kids can reconnect with her, too. She's been such a blessing to our family. Eli and I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for her, and both Kathleen and Lizzie especially got such support from her. And I don't need to say how much she means to you."

Elliot squeezed her hand on his arm before she let it drop. "I really appreciate that, Kathy. I've written her a letter, trying to say everything she deserved to know." He shrugged, trying to mask his anxiousness with the casual gesture. "It's up to her now, and I'm just…trying to be patient and be prepared for whatever answer I get."

"Do you want me to reach out to her?"

Elliot shook his head. "No, not until I hear something from her. I told her the ball was completely in her court. I think that would feel like pressuring her."

Kathy nodded and pulled him in for a hug. "Keep the faith, Elliot. I'm sure it will all work out."

Elliot hugged her back and tried to take the message to heart.

Some time later, Elliot got a text on his phone. As always, he prayed it was Olivia. But it was Lizzie, and the message simply said 'Check your e-mail.'

Curious, Elliot went to his desk and opened his laptop. Sure enough, when he opened his inbox, an email from Lizzie was right at the top of the list.

Dad,

Something Olivia told me when we had lunch last week stuck in my brain, so I did some research. I thought you'd like to see what I found. I know it's hard on you waiting like this, but keep holding on. Hope is not lost.

Love, Lizzie

Below this were two separate URL links. Reading them, Elliot could see that they were both from the website for Siena College. His heart rate began to pick up as he remembered that this was Olivia's alma mater. He clicked on the first URL.

His internet browser opened onto what looked like an archival page from the Siena College Theatre Department. The top of the page read 'Measure for Measure – April 1990.' Below that was a list of the cast and crew. One line stood out to Elliot: Isabella…Olivia Benson (senior).

Elliot remembered that this was the very play and part that Lizzie was doing. The universe certainly worked in mysterious ways. He scrolled further down the page and his heart stopped for a moment. There were about a dozen photos from the production, and Olivia was in most of them. It was jarring, to say the least. This was the first time that Elliot was seeing her face after four years, and they were from a time when he hadn't known her. Doing the math in his head, Elliot concluded that she was Lizzie's age when she did this play.

Clearly this character was some kind of nun, for in most of her photos, Olivia was dressed in a simple white tunic and had a white habit on. In none of them was she smiling. In fact, she looked to be either arguing or pleading with someone else. One photo, however, showed her alone on the stage. Her habit was off, revealing dark hair that was cut very short. She was sitting, clutching her chest, and the expression on her face…Elliot had seen that look on so many victims' faces, it chilled him to the bone.

He reminded himself to call Lizzie on a later day to find out just exactly what this play was about and what happened to hers and Olivia's character.

Remembering that Lizzie's email had two URLs, Elliot opened the second one. This page read 'Romeo and Juliet – February 1987.'

So, she would have turned nineteen during this play. Could she have played…?

Looking at the cast list, Elliot couldn't help but grin when he saw her name: Juliet…Olivia Benson (freshman).

Wow, cast in the lead as freshman. She must have been really good.

These production photos were even more fascinating. Seeing a nineteen year old Olivia, in simple but beautiful period dresses, her hair this time long and luxuriantly wavy…Elliot had often, especially when he was younger, imagined what life would have been like if he'd had the chance to go to a four-year school, living in the dorms and not having so much responsibility on his shoulders. If his nineteen-year-old freshman self had looked across the quad one day and seen this gorgeous girl…perhaps he could understand what Romeo had felt when he'd first seen Juliet after all.

In two of the photos, she looked absolutely devastated, especially in the one where she was about to kill herself next to a dead Romeo. But in the others, she looked…never had Elliot seen Olivia look so innocent, sweet, and hopeful. One in particular touched him: Olivia was standing on a balcony, leaning her cheek upon her hand, looking up so that her dark eyes were sparkling, a Mona Lisa smile on her lips.

It was quite a while before Elliot finally closed his laptop. He texted his gratitude to Lizzie with a promise to call her soon. Though his future with Olivia was a complete mystery to him now, he was thrilled to have learned something new about her. At least he had something to tide him over until Olivia was ready to respond to him.