Eleven

The weekend before the opening night of Measure for Measure, Olivia took Noah to the same park where she and Lizzie had met again by chance. This time, she knew exactly who she would be meeting there. As she turned from the sidewalk to the path that would lead to the playground, she squeezed the handle of Noah's stroller several times to try and quell her anxiety. Even after everything that had happened and all that had changed, she couldn't help but be a little nervous.

The group of four were already there, having claimed the closest picnic table to the playground. Kathleen and Eli were playing 'rock, paper, scissors,' and Kathy was bringing out Tupperware containers of food with the help of a man who could only be her fiancé, Andrew. He was tall, lanky, and had curly salt-and-pepper hair. Even from this distance, the way he and Kathy worked together and stood together, she could see that their relationship was deep.

Kathleen was the first to spot her. She grinned and waved her over to their table. "Olivia!"

Eli saw this, saw her and Noah, and immediately got up and started running to them. Kathy and Andrew spotted her too, and the former followed Eli towards them.

"Hi, Aunt Olivia!" said Eli, hugging her round the waist.

"Hello, Eli!" laughed Olivia, delighted to see the little boy again and hugging him back.

Eli then turned his attention to the little boy in the stroller. "Hi, Noah! High five!"

He held out his hand to Noah, and the smaller boy hit Eli's palm with his as he grinned in recognition.

"Alright!" said Eli, thrilled that Noah had recognized him.

"Olivia!" said Kathy as she approached them, Andrew close behind her.

"Kathy!" Olivia said back, genuinely glad to see her again in spite of her nerves. Kathy, in turn, looked nothing but thrilled to see her. The former Mrs. Stabler immediately wrapped Olivia in a warm hug, and Olivia returned it. When they pulled back, Kathy turned to her fiancé and brought him forward. "Andrew Epstein, this is Olivia Benson – a very old friend."

"I'm so glad to meet you, Olivia," he said, shaking her hand firmly. "I've heard such great things about you."

"All true, by the way," said Kathleen, who had approached them and pulled Olivia in for another hug.

Kathy, meanwhile, had knelt in front of Noah with a beaming smile on her face. "Hello there!" she said, reaching out to squeeze Noah's hand. "You must be Noah. You are even cuter than I was lead to believe, mister!" She looked up at Olivia and motioned with her hands. "May I?"

Olivia nodded, and Kathy unhooked Noah from his stroller and lifted him up. "He's beautiful, Olivia," she said. "And so sweet!"

"He's the best thing that ever happened to me," said Olivia, smiling as Noah giggled when Kathy tickled his leg.

"Come on, everyone, before the food gets cold," said Kathleen, grabbing Eli's hand to lead him back to the picnic table. Andrew chivalrously offered to wheel the empty stroller to the picnic table. Olivia's nerves were beginning to die off.

Lunch at the park was truly lovely. The women and Andrew took turns having Noah on their lap and helping to feed him. Olivia learned from Kathy and Andrew how they had gone from long-time colleagues at the hospital to friends to something more. Andrew himself was a widower with two grown sons that lived out of state. It was immediately clear how much he adored Kathy, and Kathy seemed just as smitten in return.

Kathleen also looked wonderful. Clearly, she was in a good place in her life, studying to be what she wanted and managing her illness with day-to-day strength. Olivia, who had seen Kathleen when she was at her lowest point, was proud beyond words.

After the meal, Kathleen and Andrew took the boys to the playground to play, leaving Kathy and Olivia to sit at the picnic table. Olivia had the feeling that this one-on-one had been planned, and she'd been expecting it. The nerves that had subsided during lunch began to spark to life, and she waited for Kathy to begin the conversation.

"Olivia," Kathy began in a reassuring voice. "I want you to know that there are no ill-feelings or past resentments here. I won't deny that there were moments when I did resent you; I even wished I could hate you sometimes. But you were never the real problem. Elliot and I were kids when we got married; if I hadn't gotten pregnant, we never would have gotten that far. Add onto that the job he had and that he thought it best to shut me out of so much of it…you were just the easiest target to blame, even though you never did anything wrong. In fact, you helped us last as long as we did, from helping pick out birthday and anniversary gifts to helping me and Eli and Kathleen when we needed it most."

Kathy took Olivia's hands in hers as she continued, while Olivia was trying her best to keep tears from filling up her eyes.

"I'm sorry about what happened after Elliot retired. At first, I thought it was for the best that you two weren't talking anymore. I thought it could be a fresh start for us. But that didn't last long. He was so lost without you, Olivia, after what happened and burning his bridges. When he finally started to get help, I realized that Elliot had never really lived for himself. Growing up, he had to take care of his mom and his siblings. Then I got pregnant so young and he became a husband and father while still technically a teenager. I knew then that I had to let him go, that it was the best thing for the both of us. I only wish I had succeeded in persuading him to reach out to you sooner."

Olivia looked down at their hands, shaking her head as she kept blinking back tears. "Kathy, I…I don't know what to say except…I really appreciate that."

Kathy squeezed her hands. "How are you doing with all of this, Olivia? I'm sure it's been a lot."

Olivia let out a breathless laugh. "A little bit, yeah. But it could have been worse. I'm really glad that it was Lizzie that I saw first by chance. If it had been Elliot that I'd bumped into out of the blue…" Olivia shook her head. "I don't know what I would have done. Probably froze and become numb…and who knows how long that would have lasted before I lashed out at him. Or worse…I would have just rolled over as though the last four years were nothing. Either way…it would be like seeing a ghost."

Kathy nodded. "I understand that. Is that why you've been keeping him at a distance?"

Olivia sighed and looked at Kathy again. "Partly. I've also been trying to figure out just what we would be to each other now. Before, the rules and boundaries were crystal clear. And though we were closer than most partners, we never crossed those boundaries. Never."

Kathy nodded reassuringly. "I know, Olivia. Believe me, I know."

Olivia couldn't help but let out a breath of relief. "And now…everything is different. We're different, our situations are different, and it's not just me anymore." Olivia and Kathy looked at Noah, building a sandcastle with Eli, Kathleen and Andrew. "Noah's already had so much loss in his life…"

"Mmm," hummed Kathy in understanding. "I can't imagine how much it hurt you when he cut off contact like that, Olivia. I wanted to reach out to you quite a bit, but I knew it should have been him doing that, and it didn't seem right."

"It's ok, Kathy, really," said Olivia.

"But how has it been talking to him again, even if just by letters and phone calls?"

Olivia couldn't help but let the corners of her mouth turn upwards. "It's actually been…nice. First the letters, then the phone calls…I think we were able to say more to each other than we could have face-to-face. I think if we'd started by seeing each other in person, we could never have talked about everything that needed to be discussed. Old habits die hard, and for a long time, there was so much that we just couldn't talk about, you know?"

Kathy nodded and smirked. "Like how in love you two are." She held up a hand and spoke before Olivia could open her mouth all the way. "Don't bother denying it, Olivia. I'm not angry and I've already said I know you two never crossed that line while you were partners." Her smirk turned into a gentler smile. "He's still so in love with you, Olivia, and he wants to make things right with you more than anything."

When Olivia looked back down at their hands and said nothing, Kathy bit her lip nervously.

"I'm sorry if that's –"

"No, Kathy, don't apologize, it's just…" Now Olivia couldn't stop the tears from coming to her eyes, and she lifted her face to the sky to stop them falling. "I just…for so long I lived with the knowledge that I couldn't have what I wanted because it would be wrong. I didn't have a choice back then; at least, there were choices I couldn't live with so I didn't choose them. Now, with everything changed…he keeps telling me that we'll be whatever I want, and I never thought I would have that choice."

Kathy immediately pulled her in for a comforting hug. Olivia didn't cry, but she was close, so she accepted it gratefully. When Kathy pulled back, she said, "I get it, Olivia. For a long time, I was certain where my life was going, but then everything changed. It was painful at first, but it was worth it. Andrew is the best thing that has happened to me since my kids. You and Elliot deserve that happiness, too."

Olivia couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, this is a conversation I never thought we'd have."

Kathy joined in her laughter. "I hear you, but…that's life."

"I'm a lieutenant in charge of her own NYPD squad, I'm not supposed to be scared of anything."

"You're also a woman and a mother, so it's natural to get scared every day. But you always find a way to overcome your fears, Olivia, or you wouldn't have able to make it this far. And I understand why you're frightened, but take it from me: Elliot has only changed for the better, and you are still the person who understands him more than anybody else."

At that moment, Eli began calling out to them. "Mommy! Aunt Olivia! Come and see what Noah and I made!"

The two women smiled at each other, squeezed each other's hands, got up and walked to their sons.

Olivia never felt nerves around Kathy again.

The night before Lizzie's opening night, Olivia arrived home later than she usually did. After sending Lucy home and checking in on Noah, she concentrated on getting ready for bed. When she was all settled beneath the covers, she debated with herself for a few minutes about calling Elliot. She's gotten used to having his voice be the last thing she heard every night. But it was late, and he might be sleeping.

Then, she got a text message. It was from Elliot. Just wanted to say goodnight, and I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Tomorrow…she was really going to see him tomorrow after over four years. Butterflies were practically beating their wings against every organ in her midsection enough that she felt like she could float off her bed. Ever since she and Kathy had talked, her excitement had been vastly out-weighing her fears. She texted him back.

Night, Elliot. I'm ready for tomorrow.

He responded within a minute.

Could we do something after the show? A walk or a meal? I know that I won't be ready to say goodnight yet, but if you have to get back to Noah, I understand. Maybe the next day then?

Olivia couldn't help but giggle. The eagerness and nervousness were as clear to her as the words on the screen.

I'll see how long my sitter can stay tomorrow and let you know when I see you. Now seriously, good night.

His response made her giggle again.

Copy that, Lieutenant.

A/N: Though an E/O shipper, I've always respected Kathy as a character. Unlike the show, I wanted to give her the fate that she deserved.