Chapter 33

Songs:

"Forgotten," From Ashes to New
"All We Need," Loner Deer

I'm so, so sorry for the delay. Thank you for your patience.

**Sooooooo much fiddling was had. Words were added, some were changed. All mistakes are mine.

I'm more tired than I think I've been in my entire life. I've been stuck here for hours, sitting in a cell before being dragged into an interrogation room. The sun set a while ago, and all I can do is watch the time tick by on the clock on the wall. I've been told they're holding me until they can gather more evidence, including a statement from Bella.

The thought of her being questioned makes me physically ill. I saw the marks he left on her. I know she's hurting, and it's killing me to be stuck here while she's going through all that alone. My arms ache to hold her while she tells the police what happened today. After the shit she went through this morning visiting Victoria, she was already emotionally spent before Riley laid a hand on her. I want to tell her everything is going to be okay, to reassure her, but I'm stuck here going through my own bullshit questioning.

"I told you, I was defending my wife. That son of a bitch smashed my car window and dragged her out. He had her pinned against a wall and was gonna do God knows what to her." I feel like I've told the same story a dozen times to just as many people, yet here we still are.

"There were no witnesses to the initial confrontation. We're still waiting for surveillance footage from one of the businesses to verify what you've said," the officer says, focused on the notepad he's writing on. "What can you tell us about the relationship between Mr. Biers and your wife? Mr. Biers says they have a history. Maybe they were going to take off together. But then maybe things got a little heated."

My hands ball up into fists, resisting the urge to slam them on the table. "My wife was with him over a year ago. He was abusive, and she left Washington to get away from him. There is absolutely zero chance she'd willingly go anywhere with him." I take a deep breath, struggling to get a handle on my emotions. Going off on a cop isn't going to do me any favors. "At least tell me he's being questioned. That asshole is wanted for questioning in another case."

"As you've said more than once." He sighs and tosses his pen down, rubbing at his eyes before staring at me. "Witnesses identified you as the perpetrator in this case."

I take a deep breath, ready to start yelling to get my point across, but he holds up a hand.

"If he's a suspect in another case, we'll find out. It'll all get sorted out in time." He gathers his notes, shaking his head. "It's just hard to believe a good-lookin' kid like that would get mixed up in anything."

"Yeah, well, that 'good-looking kid' put another woman in the hospital a couple days ago."

"So you say."

"When you see the security video, it'll show what that fucker was trying to do."

He sighs, scratching at his brow. "I guess we'll see."

I feel like a trapped animal while I wait. I pace, I chew on my nails, I even start to count the cracks in the cinder-block walls. Just when I think I might be going mad, I hear the clink of the cell door lock.

"Masen, you're free to go."

I scramble out of the dank cell and follow the officer down the hallway.

"That's it? No charges?"

He shakes his head as he guides me toward a desk, signing what looks like a release form. "No charges were filed … against you." He slides the envelope of my personal effects toward across the counter, along with his pen.

I stuff my wallet and phone into my pockets before signing the paperwork. That's when I hear it.

"Edward?" Bella's voice carries over the commotion of the precinct moments before her body crashes into mine. "I was so worried about you."

My hands frantically move over her body, checking for any injuries and just feeling her in my arms again. I can tell by the way she winces when I hold her that she's bruised, and it kills me. Seeing her, touching her again nearly breaks me, but somehow, I hold it together. "What are you still doing here?" I ask, not paying any attention to our public display.

"How about we take this to a private room?" the officer suggests.

Dutifully, we follow him into a quiet room, and he closes the door behind us. "I can't get into any specifics of the other case, but as far as you're concerned, Mr. Masen, you're free to go." He looks meaningfully at Bella. "You'll be contacted through your attorney about testifying."

My head whips around, and I meet her eyes. "Testifying?"

"Yeah," she says. "I'm pressing charges."

"Baby," I cradle her cheek in my palm. "I'm so damn proud of you."

"I couldn't let him get away with hurting me again." Tears fill her eyes, but she blinks them away, refusing to let them fall.

The cop clears his throat, interrupting our moment. "Officially, he's being charged with assault and attempted abduction. And we'll find out what charges he's facing regarding the other case once that department is done with their investigation."

"Is he … could he …" My brain is a jumbled mess, and I can't form the right words to ask the questions burning inside me.

Ignoring my rambling, he ushers us toward the door. "Someone will be in touch with you about what's next."

We walk out into the lobby in a daze, and Liam is there to meet us.

"Damn, you're a sight for sore eyes," he says, bringing me in for a hug and slapping my back.

"Where's Zoe?" I ask as Liam lets go of me.

Bella wraps her arms around my waist. "She's with Elizabeth for the night. I thought it might be better if Zoe was with her grandma. I didn't know how long you would be here, and—"

I cut off her nervous rambling, kissing the side of her head. "It's okay. I'm glad she's with Mom."

My heart twists in my chest at the thought of missing my baby girl tonight, but I know it's for the best. I'm kind of a fucking mess right now, and I'd really rather my daughter not see me like this.

Liam jerks his head in the direction of the door. "Let's get you two home."

But before we reach the exit, a commotion from behind the desk gets our attention. I watch as Riley is led through the halls of the precinct. Bruised and battered, with his hands cuffed behind his back, he struggles against the officers the whole way. And when he looks our way, his gaze zeroing in on Bella, the anger in his unaffected eye makes her recoil.

I pull her to my chest, shielding her from Riley's angry stare. "He can't hurt you anymore," I murmur as the fucker is pulled away. "Do you hear me? He can't hurt you."

In the back of Liam's Jeep, I can't stop touching Bella. Neither of us can seem to get close enough to the other. She's in my lap, wrapped around me, while my arms completely envelop her. But it still doesn't feel close enough.

Riley's threatening expression is seared into my brain. Knowing what he's capable of makes me squeeze Bella tighter. I came so close to losing her today, and I feel sick at the thought. I'm beginning to think she was right; this fucking nightmare will never end.

I go over and over what the cops told us, and with every passing mile, the anxious feeling in my gut ramps up. Riley has at least two charges against him, and once Victoria gives her statement, the list should grow. But when I think about what might happen if he were, by some cruel twist of fate, released, that anxiety turns to nausea. He's just the kind of slimy fucker who could weasel his way out of anything, especially if my father is footing his legal bills.

All of those thoughts fly out of my head when we pull into the driveway.

Home.

Safety.

Wordlessly, I get out of the Jeep, holding onto Bella's hand as she stumbles out. Unwilling to leave any space between us, I tuck her into my side as we walk toward the door. Inside, we're met with too many pairs of sympathetic eyes. But like they know we need this time to ourselves, my friends and family only watch as we disappear down the hallway, no one stopping us to ask questions. There will be plenty of time for that later.

Safely hidden behind our closed door, Bella lets her emotions bubble over. Her shoulders shake as she cries against me.

"Shh." I kiss her where her neck meets her shoulder and breathe her in, convincing myself she's really safe. "It's okay."

Sobs still rack her body as she claws at me. I want to hold her and reassure us both, but then I remember where I've been. The last thing I want to do is contaminate her with the filth I was surrounded by. A night in a Los Angeles holding cell is an enlightening, if not stomach-turning, experience.

She seems to understand when I walk us into the bathroom, and she fumbles to help me remove my clothes before her own. Her movements are frantic as she strips us both, but I don't question it. I'm feeling almost as desperate.

Without letting her go, I reach in to turn on the water, and once it heats just enough not to be freezing, I pull her in with me. At first, we merely hold on to each other, her tears still falling. Her hands roam everywhere she can reach, gripping and grasping, pulling me closer to her like she's afraid to let go.

"We're all right, baby. We're okay."

"I didn't know if ... I …" Her voice cracks. "You can't leave me."

I grasp her cheeks and tilt her head up, meeting her tear-filled gaze. "I'm not going anywhere." I search her eyes, and the pain I see swimming in them cuts straight through me. "God, I thought he was going to …" I squeeze my eyes closed and press my forehead to hers. The thoughts of what he could have done to her are too terrible to say out loud.

Frantically, she shakes her head. "But he didn't. Whatever he was going to do, you stopped him."

She's the one to kiss me, her mouth forceful against mine. Her knee comes up as she wraps a leg around my hip, and the desperation in her hold on me can be felt humming through her body. Carefully, I pick her up and press her back against the tiles, our mouths still fused together. Not so carefully, I push into her, each of us swallowing the other's moan as I fill her.

It's a funny thing, drowning your emotions in sex. Something that feels so good but is tainted with what we've both experienced makes it almost painful. The pleasure I always find in Bella is heightened by the fear of coming so close to losing her or seeing her hurt. It makes my throat tighten and my eyes sting.

And it hits me like a fucking tsunami.

My hold on her tightens, my hips move faster, and I feel like I need to bury myself inside her just to keep her with me. It's my turn to feel frantic when her nails dig into my back and shoulders as she holds on. But I hardly feel it. Her gasping sobs are mixed with little moans, and I know without a doubt she's feeling the same fierce emotions I'm feeling right now.

And when she comes, with me following right after, I crack. A stuttering sob rips from my chest, and tears I've been holding onto finally fall. I kiss along her shoulder as we both cry, the falling water washing away our tears.

When I pull back and look into her eyes, my heart breaks all over again.

"I was so scared," she says, trembling. "When he grabbed me out of the car, I didn't know what was happening. He was dragging me down the sidewalk, and when he pulled me into that alley, I thought … I thought he was going to do it again. But I fought him until you came."

"You did so good, baby. So good." My voice breaks, and I offer her a weak smile, but inside I'm a fucking mess. I brush her wet, matted hair from her face. "I'm so proud of you."

She presses her face to my chest, shaking her head. I can hardly make out her words over the rushing water when she says, "You saved me all over again."

I don't know what to say to that, so I squeeze her and tell her I love her. But with the feelings coursing through me, the words feel beyond inadequate.

Cuddled together under our blankets, both of us still bare and damp from the shower, I idly play with Bella's fingers, my touch lingering on her wedding band. A black cloud seems to have settled over us, and it would be so easy to pull the covers over our heads and block out the world, but there are questions I need answers to.

"Can you tell me what happened?" I ask softly.

With her head on my shoulder, she nods but doesn't speak for a long time. And when she does, I can hear the tears in her voice.

"I was still on the phone, so I didn't see him walk up to the car. It wasn't until the glass broke that it even registered someone was there. He reached into the car and unlocked it, and when the door popped open, I kind of fell against it. He grabbed my hair and my arm and yanked me out. I tried to scream, but he put his hand over my mouth and … and … he told me to shut up. Somehow, he knew I'd been talking to Victoria. He was yelling about me being where I shouldn't have been, sticking my nose into something I shouldn't. He said he was going to teach me a lesson and rambled on about taking me back home to remind me what my place was. When he pulled me into that alley, I started fighting. I tried to get away, but he … he's always been stronger than I am.

"He said if I didn't go willingly, he'd come back for Zoe. I almost gave up just to keep him away from her." Her breaths come faster, and I can practically feel the panic welling up inside her. "What if I'd let him take me? Edward, what if I'd let him take me and he still came back for my baby?"

"Shh." I cradle her head in my hand, pressing it to my shoulder and holding her tighter. "You didn't. You're here and you're safe."

"But I'm not," she rasps, her tears wetting my skin. "He's not going to give up."

I close my eyes, fighting all the visions of what could happen. I refuse to let the what ifs win out over the hope I'm hanging onto.

I roll to my side, my gaze level with hers. "Baby, you're forgetting one thing. With everything stacked against him this time, there's no way he's getting close to us any time soon. Once the police get all the evidence together, he'll have even more charges against him, and we won't have to think about him for a long time."

Then she utters the words that I haven't forced myself to consider. "But what if he gets away with it?"

"You brought this hell on our son! What kind of monster does that to his own flesh and blood?" The anger in Mom's voice as it floats down the hallway makes me flinch.

Bella and I step into my mother's living room and catch her eye. She covers the phone receiver. "Zoe's sleeping," she whispers.

Bella nods and ducks out of the room in search of our daughter. I stay behind, crossing my arms and leaning against the doorway as I watch my mother pace.

"No, Ed," she says in reply to whatever asinine thing my father is spewing. "No. This is it. I was giving you the chance to make it right before, but I swear to God, I will rip you apart for this. I think it's time the firm found out you've been financially supporting a rapist for the last six months!"

I can hear his ranting through the phone but can't make out the words. Judging by Mom's expression, she knows she has him.

"That's what I thought. You'll be hearing from my attorney." With a press to her phone's screen to end the call, she tosses it aside. She covers her face with her hands, breathing in and out a few times before crossing her arms and looking my way. "I'm sorry you had to hear that."

I wave off her unnecessary apology. "Did he call, or did you call him?"

She opens her mouth, but before she can answer me, her phone rings. "Well, he's persistent. I'll give him that." With no hesitation, she silences it, switching it off and tossing it back to the sofa cushions. She stands and tightens the belt of her robe. "It's early. Coffee?"

I shake my head and follow her into her kitchen.

"I called him," she says as she pops a coffee pod in her machine. "I've been trying to get ahold of him for … well, for weeks. Since before the last custody hearing."

"Why?"

"I was going to try to talk some sense into him." At the last gurgle and hiss of her brewing coffee, she turns to grab her mug.

"How did you finally get him on the phone?"

She brings the mug to her smiling lips. "Called his girlfriend."

"Girlfriend? What the hell?"

"One of many, I'm afraid."

"Since when?"

"Almost since the day you were born."

"And you were okay with that shit for more than twenty years?"

She moves to her kitchen table, sitting and placing her mug down, her hands wrapped around it. "Of course, I wasn't okay with it. But I got very good at turning a blind eye to it all." She smiles up at me. "And I had you."

Sensing this long-overdue conversation could take a while, I pull out the chair across from her and sit. "But why the hell did you put up with that for so long? How did you put up with him for that long?"

Her smile falls. "It wasn't always like that. In the beginning we were happy. We were in love once upon a time."

"What changed?"

She sighs, leaning back in her chair. "As time went on, he changed. Well, I guess we both did. The more he worked, the more hours he put in, the less time we spent together. He was busy with his caseload, and I kept myself distracted with my work with local charities. It was my job to keep up appearances for your father and I as he climbed the ladder at the firm. And before you say I should have been working in a position I wanted to, I enjoyed what I was doing. There were a lot of programs I was able to help get funding for. It was fulfilling and rewarding. I felt like I was making a difference. Just as importantly, my work was a reflection on your father. And at the time, his public persona was just as important as his professional one. Still is, I suppose."

"Then how did you go from that to him screwing around on you?"

She lets go of my hand, moving hers back to cradle her mug. "Just the stresses of life, I guess. I had a difficult pregnancy, and your father was pushing to make junior partner at the time. He was gone more, putting in more insane hours and taking on more cases, and I was on bed rest for the last two months before you were born. I think he had an opportunity, and he took it."

"But why didn't you just leave him then?"

"He told me it was a one-time thing, and I was naïve enough to believe him."

"But it wasn't a one-time thing, was it?"

"No, it happened many times over the years."

"Then why did you stay for so long? You could have gotten away from him a long time ago, Mom."

"But I'm not blameless in what went wrong. I had my own indiscretions back then. It started out as me wanting to hurt him as much as he'd hurt me."

There's a long pause as I digest that bit of information before I finally ask, "So, Dad knew about it?"

She nods. "He did. And he wasn't nearly as hurt as I'd hoped he would be. He was more concerned with how he'd look to the partners if they found out his wife was sleeping around on him."

"Fuck him. You could have gotten away from him and all of his ridiculous expectations."

"But it wasn't that simple."

I watch as she stands and walks to the sink, dumping what's left of her coffee and rinsing her mug. Her contemplative expression has me wondering just how much this other man meant to her, and for some reason, it bothers me to see her this way. The thought that she wasted years with my father at the expense of her own happiness hurts.

"I fell in love with another man, Edward," she says quietly, holding onto the edge of the counter. "At first there weren't any deep feelings involved other than mutual appreciation, but things changed over time. And once your father found out and had a name to put to it, he was determined to make me pay for it."

"But I don't get it. Who cares who the two of you were screwing back then? You could have split and gone your separate ways and actually been happy."

She turns to face me, crossing her arms. "Like I said before, it wasn't that simple. The man I was involved with was the head of the finance committee for one of the projects I was working on at the time. It would have gotten quite messy if word had gotten out. But the worst part of it was when you father found out, he threatened to divorce me and take you with him."

"What? Why would he have wanted me?"

Mom shrugs. "To hurt me? He knew you were the only thing that held any power over me. And at the time I had no choice but to take his threats seriously. So, we both agreed to put more effort into our marriage. A lot of good it did, though."

"It didn't stop?"

She shakes her head, a sad smile on her face. "No, it didn't. And it set a very bad precedent for the years to come. We lived with a mutual understanding of what was expected of us. I was to play my role and he was to play his. I never stopped hoping that the two of us would eventually get to a better place. And for a while, things did get better. You were getting older, and when your father eventually made senior partner, his cases were bigger, but there were fewer of them. Yes, there were still times when I found out he was having an affair, but I'd gotten used to looking the other way. The projects I was involved with had the advantage of the association with the firm, and I wanted your father's influence and position to give you every advantage you could possibly have. So, I chose to stay. Even when you left Chicago, I thought staying was in your best interest. I wanted to make sure if you ever decided to come back you could have all the opportunities you'd been given."

"But I didn't come back," I murmur. "If I'd just stayed and done what was expected of me, it wouldn't have been for nothing."

Again, she reaches for me, smiling this time as she meets my eyes. "I wouldn't change a thing. Whatever choices I made back then, whichever path you ultimately decided to take, it brought you to where you are today. And I can't regret any of it."

Bella chooses that moment to walk into the kitchen, Zoe curled against her. "There's Daddy."

Zoe squirms in her mother's arms, all sixteen pounds of her wiggling to get to me. "Dadada!"

"Hey, Zoe. How's Daddy's girl?"

Bella gets close enough that Zoe can reach for me, and when her pudgy arms wrap around my neck, I know this is all that matters. Whatever brought us here, whatever choices were made, this is where I was supposed to end up.

No regrets.

A/N: How are we feeling? I can't wait to read your thoughts on this one.

Good news! This story is completely written. The epilogue will be posted as chapter 36, and I hope to have all of it up by the end of this month. I want to be completely focused on NaNoWriMo in November.

If you haven't yet joined my Facebook group, Sunshine Fics, now is the best time to do it. December 13th is my fifth Fic-versary, and I'm planning some fun activities the whole month as a way to thank you for your support. There will be trivia, a video chat, and a one-shot giveaway, among other things. My lovely group members also voted on a story of mine to read together, and Clutch won by a landslide. We'll also be having a read along of Shift in November as a lead in to Clutch for those who want to join in. So, lots of fun stuff! Come join us if you haven't already.

"See" you soon!

Be kind.
Stay safe.
Stay well.

Lots of love,
~Sunshine