open .dot. spotify .dot playlist/2WJxCK0AMlZmFHMZV5SmME?si=qdzMALLKTl-LEsq-Uz9ocg&dl_branch=1
"Gilbert," Anne tried, best as she could, to keep her voice level.
"Carrots! What's up?" Gilbert replied. She could hear his smile. She swallowed and breathed deeply. "Anne?" he asked, doubt now in his voice.
"There's…" she swallowed, trying to control the new wave of nausea and the knot on her throat.
"Anne. What is going on?" his voice no longer sounded care-free, but concerned, succinct and to the point.
"Something's wrong, Gil. What… Can you come?" she replied, her voice low so she could keep it from shaking too much. She couldn't fall apart just yet. He needed to come first. With him there, she would at least feel like if she fell apart, she wouldn't be alone.
"Of course, I'll be there in… less than half an hour. What's going on? Please tell me what's wrong?" she heard some noise, probably as he put on his coat. She blinked, trying to contain tears and to keep level. She needed to hold it at least until he was with her. "Anne! What's happening? Are you ok?"
"There's… Gil, there's…" she was trying to say it, but voicing it would only make it more real. And she was shit scared at the moment.
"What is there, Anne? I'm on my way, just… keep calm. I'll be there with you in a moment. Tell me what's happening, please."
"Just come? Please?" she repeated, a bit more desperate. She couldn't fathom talking with him about this over the phone.
"I'm coming. I'll call you in a bit. I need to hang up to explain here, but I'm out as soon as that's done, ok? I love you, Anne," he said and she heard him hung up.
She curled on the bed, trying to think of anything different than what was actually going on. She tried remembering all the details of Halloween, with Gilbert's costume and that video call with the Wrights, Cole and Roy. When that didn't work, she went even further back, to Gilbert's proposal, but that made her think of all the plans they had and… She concentrated on Thanksgiving, especially the chat in the car, where they had talked about so many things to be grateful for.
The joy in Cole and Roy's faces when they had received the pie and how they had spent almost two hours talking about everything and nothing. Visiting but not really, Gilbert and her in the car, Cole and Roy in the balcony of the loft they had finally moved into, a call on speaker joining them. She tried to remember that visit and not the one to Fred and Ella's, because thinking about her bump made the lump in her throat become increasingly bigger and painful. And she needed Gilbert by her side before inevitably breaking down.
So she concentrated on Cole, on Roy, on the video call with the gang, on the letter from one editorial she had sent their manuscript. They were considering the book and were going to evaluate it with another team before giving them any confirmation, but it was more of a response than they had gotten from any other publishing house and it sounded hopeful. She concentrated on the kid's fairy tales she was starting to write now that she had figured a way to produce content for the new website.
"Freddie?" Gilbert said as soon as his friend picked up. He was walking, almost running to the parking lot.
"What's up, Blythe? Still meeting for lunch? Why are you calling, come to that?" Fred's voice was curious. It was unusual for them to call during work hours.
"Something's wrong with Anne. I'm going home to see what's going on, but please, can you track down dr. Oak? I tried calling her, but she's not picking up," he said, getting into his car.
"What do you mean something's wrong?" as always, Fred managed to go from his playful, carefree tone to a serious, practical one in the snap of a second.
"I have no idea. I'm freaking as it is. I'll tell you more details as soon as I know them… Just please, find Emily? I have no idea what's going on, but Anne sounded bad and… Fuck, Fred, I don't know. Please just find her. I'm leaving now, but I could be here with Anne in half an hour or something if need be. I hope it's just some kind of false alarm, but… I don't know," he said, his phone on speaker as he went out of the parking lot.
"I'm arriving at her office, do you have any idea of what happened? Just so I can give her a heads up?" Gilbert thanked in silence he had a friend like that.
"Not in the slightest. Only that there's something… Shit, Fred," Gilbert sweared in realisation. There was only one thing that he could imagine beingthat wasn't vomit, and vomit hadn't been news for weeks.
"Fuck. Ok, go to her, I'll text you. Drive safe, please?"
"Yes. Just please, Fred, if she's not there, find dr. Smith, I know she's good with ob emergencies? I know Emily sometimes works in Toronto..."
"Sure thing. Keep me posted, mate," Fred said before hanging up.
Gilbert drove in tense silence, not even turning on the stereo, his jaw tense, trying to concentrate only on the road ahead. Red light, stop. Green, go ahead. Turn signal, go left. Stop. Go ahead. Don't think about any scenario. Fred was finding dr. Oak, or dr. Smith, and either would be able to help Anne. And the baby. He would be with her. Finally he arrived at the building and went up the stairs as fast as he could, the halls deserted in the late morning.
"Anne? Where are you?" he called as he opened the door of the apartment.
"Bedroom," she called back, a shaky voice. He hurried off to her voice, not even bothering to take off his shoes.
"What happened? Talk to me, please," he said, sitting next to her. She was pale and her eyes red as if she'd been crying, but he couldn't tell if the paleness was some symptom of sickness or just the evident fear she was in. He held her close as she sobbed on his chest. "Anne, love, please talk to me so I can help. What are you feeling? What hurts?"
"There's… there's..." she tried in between sobs. He was here now. He could help. Maybe not all was lost. He caressed her back, waiting for her to speak, but she couldn't get through with it. Speaking the words made them more real. He stayed there, comforting her in silence for a moment, until she was finally calmer, breathing deeper into his scent and not shaking with each new onset of tears. Gilbert felt his phone buzz in his back pocket.
"Anne-girl, please, tell me what hurts. Is something aching? Please, darling girl, just tell me. Just yes or no," he said, trying to remain calm when all he wanted to do was freak out. She nodded against him and he felt something sink inside him. He swallowed, trying to maintain his breathing even and his voice steady and supportive. "Where's the pain, Anne-girl?"
"I…. just, just cramps," she mumbled, squeezing her eyes as if that way she could just ignore reality. Gilbert closed his eyes, swearing in silence. He continued caressing her back up and down, trying to remain as steady as possible. One of them had to be calm. And they would manage. Whatever the outcome, they would manage. They were stronger than whatever was happening.
"Anything else, love?" he asked quietly. A regular cramp wouldn't have her in this state. They were heading straight to the doctor now, no matter what, but still… She nodded against his chest. "What is it, dear? Please tell me…"
"There's… there's blood, Gil, and I just…" she couldn't speak any more and just shook her head against his chest. He felt something clench inside him and just hugged her closer for a moment.
"Can you walk, Anne? We're going to the doctor… See what's going on. Take care of you," he said, his voice calm. Anne nodded, feeling better just by hearing his voice and how steady he was, and he let go of her. It was… cramps and blood. Nothing that… physically debilitating, all things considered. She looked small and fragile, in her dark blue satin pajamas, her hair slightly wet. He bit his lip. "Do you… have a pad?" he asked. She shook her head.
"I just put a bunch of paper," she explained, trying to clean the tears that were streaming again from her eyes. Because she had thought tampons or the cup weren't wise and she didn't have anything else that didn't actually go in. Gilbert nodded, standing up and going to the closet. He looked for some yoga pants of hers, a t-shirt and the hoodie she stole most often and tossed them to the bed.
"I'll help you dress in a moment, Anne-girl, it's a bit cold outside and I don't want you catching a cold in pajamas," Gilbert explained as he looked for a bag and put some more clothes in there as she changed, not really waiting for his help. He swallowed, mentally going over anything he could just so he could remain calm for her. It wouldn't do them any good if he had a breakdown of the magnitude he felt he could have, they needed to get to the hospital, drive safely, see what was going on. He passed her the plaid jacket and then hugged her, kissing the top of her head. He sat next to her, holding her hand and caressing the back of it with his thumb, looking at her in the eyes. "I can't know right now what's going on, Anne-girl. But you're strong and we're together, no matter what happens. Know that, please. I love you and I'm here with you. For everything," he said.
She nodded against him, not really wanting to speak. She felt a numbing fear. She knew what bleeding while pregnant meant and it was never good. Never. This wasn't just slight spotting, which she had read happened. She just wasn't ready to admit defeat yet and neither was Gilbert, from what she was hearing. She sighed and swallowed over the knot she had in her throat. He kissed her forehead before standing up.
"Ok, let me go get your shoes," he said. He threw a quick look around the room and grabbed her kindle, and then some first necessity things from the bathroom, putting them in the bag. He had no idea if they were going to keep her in the hospital, but he was going to be prepared. He left the bag next to the door and grabbed some runners of hers and helped her put them on so she didn't have to bend, as she did seem to be achy. "How bad are the cramps, Anne? I can carry you if you want… I don't want you overdoing things now."
"Just… just like strong menstrual cramps. It's not their strength what's…" she explained, her voice breaking. It was just what they implied, he understood. She stood up, cleaning her face again with the tissue Gilbert had just given her. "Let's go, Gil." He nodded and they walked in silence to the car. He checked his phone while walking to see if there were any updates from Fred.
**Fred (11:20): dr. Oak's not here today. She's in Toronto in her private practice, we can send her a message later. Going off to dr. Smith's.
**Fred (11:27): I already spoke with dr. Smith and she's available for anything you need. Are you with Anne?
**Fred (11:39): Gilbert? Are you with Anne? Is she ok? Text me as soon as you know more of what's going on so I can do whatever you guys need here.
**Gilbert Blythe (11:43): Going out now. Let dr. Smith know. I think miscarriage, can't know if threathened. Bleeding/cramps. Let me know if we go to Smith's or ER. Don't want to expose her if possible. Please get some pads. [Shared location]
"Ok, so we're heading to the hospital. Dr. Oak's not here today, but dr. Smith is also an ob and is great as well. So she's going to take care of you. Fred's speaking with her now," Gilbert explained. Anne nodded, wincing as she felt another sharp pain in her abdomen. Gilbert's hand went to find hers and held it tightly. "We'll figure it out, Anne. We will." They stayed in silence from then on. Gilbert's phone started ringing once they were about to enter the hospital parking lot.
"Hey, Fred. You're on speaker," Gilbert greeted.
"Hey! Anne, I'll see you in a bit. Gilbert, head to entrance 5, we'll wait for you there," Fred said.
"Right. See you in a sec," Gilbert replied before hanging up. He went around the building and stopped right where Fred was standing next to a middle aged doctor and a wheelchair. Gilbert made them a sign and stopped the car, putting on his facemask as Anne did the same.
"Go with Anne, I'll park at your usual stop," Fred said, going to Gilbert's door. He nodded, getting out of the car as his friend turned around and went to greet Anne. He gave her a hug and she melted in the steady comfort Fred represented, not unlike Jerry was at home. "I'll be right there with both of you. You're not alone, Anne. Here, Gilbert asked me to get this for you."
"Come, Anne-girl," Gilbert said, offering her hand. "Do you want the wheelchair?" She shrugged. She couldn't care less. "On you get, then. Good morning, dr. Smith. Thank you so much for having us with such short notice."
"Don't be so formal, Gilbert… Honestly, we're like family here," the doctor replied, but centered her attention on Anne. "How are you feeling, Anne?"
"Confused. And it hurts…" she replied, her voice low. She'd had period cramps before. This was like that… but stronger. She bit her lip. Not really feeling like talking, or thinking, or anything, but knowing she had to reply to the questions so at least they could know if there was anything...
"Let's go. I have a room reserved to properly check everything so we know where we're standing and take it from there, ok?"
"Thank you," Gilbert replied, Anne giving the doctor a grateful look as well.
He pushed Anne's wheelchair as he walked beside the doctor around the building. Soon they were in an examination room, an ultrasound machine to the side. An older nurse was waiting for them, her eyes kind. Gilbert helped Anne change to the hospital gown and then on the exam bed, holding her hand as the nurse drew some blood for testing and the doctor prepared everything.
"I read your records, Anne. So you are ten weeks and 4 days, right?" the doctor said. Anne nodded. "Here's what's going to happen now. We are checking your hormones levels in the blood nurse Amelia just drew. I'm going to do a pelvic exam and see how your cervix is right now and then an ultrasound to check what's going on in there. It won't hurt you. I know you're bleeding, can you tell me more about that? How is the flow? Is there anything in there, any tissue, clots, just blood…?"
"Just blood, there's… there's been nothing else," she mumbled, looking down. Gilbert tried not to hold on to the tiny hope that implied and the doctor just nodded. "It's… not as much as a heavy period, just… Like the usual third day of my cycle?" she tried to explain, not knowing what amount of blood was too much or too little for anything.
"When did this start? The pain, bleeding, anything that you haven't had and you think it's unusual?"
"I… had a slight headache yesterday? But nothing weird… And today I had some cramps in the morning when I woke up but didn't think much of them… And then around… ten-ish? They were stronger… So I went to have a shower, and noticed there was blood… I called Gilbert then," she replied. The doctor nodded.
"Ok, so put your feet on the stirrups… We'll start with the pelvic exam, ok?" the doctor said, covering her knees with a sheet.
Anne nodded and Gilbert squeezed her hand, his other one caressing the side of her head. He looked dr. Smith's face intently, trying to gage whatever she was finding from her expression. It felt surreal, but he breathed deeply. He was there with Anne and he would have all the time in the world to freak after when she was safe and he wouldn't worry her further.
"So, your cervix is not dilated," the doctor said after a moment and Gilbert felt a little relief. So it wasn't all lost just yet. Maybe. He squeezed her hand slightly, more a reflex than anything else. She looked at him and then at the doctor, not understanding. "That's good news, Anne. We just have to check what's going on inside and wait for the lab results, but hold tight. I'll send a sample of the blood for them to check as well."
Anne looked at Gilbert and somehow could tell the tension in his shoulders had diminished the slightest bit. He looked at her with reassuring eyes. Even if they didn't manage to continue this pregnancy, he would be there for her. She would hold on to that, no matter what. He had said it before they left the apartment, and she believed it fully: they were together now, and they could manage whatever happened. The doctor took the sample, left it on a sterile tray and changed her gloves to turn on the machine.
"Is this your first ultrasound?" the doctor asked.
"It is…"
"It won't hurt a bit. The gel is a bit cold, though," the doctor said, uncovering Anne's and squirting the blue gel in there before putting the transducer on Anne's lower abdomen.
The white noise on the screen didn't show much at once and the doctor moved it around, a clearer image forming as the gel conducted better the waves. If she wasn't so panicked, she would find the feeling curious, cold and solid, yet smooth and slippery on the skin. But as of now, she couldn't tear her eyes from the screen, trying to understand anything in between all that grey. The doctor moved the transducer a bit more, focusing on an area and tapping something on the keyboard with her free hand, getting a closer image. She sighed slightly at the same time as Gilbert did. Anne looked at them alternatively again, wishing somehow she had the same insights as they did.
"That's our baby, Anne," he said very gently, motioning to a small area of the screen. He swallowed to fight tears and focused on what he could tell her so far. She looked at him, her eyes as big as plates. Their baby? There? That? "You can't tell much… But that's the placenta and that part there is the head. You can see the arms...," he explained, motioning to different areas. She looked back at the screen, better understanding the image she had in front of her, and felt a wave of relief wash over her. That was their kid. It existed. It was… there. Blurry and weird looking through all the static, but there. She hadn't found many words since she had called Gilbert an hour ago, but now she found herself speechless for a completely opposite reason.
"Your husband is correct, Anne. Baby seems fine from here…" she probed around a little more, trying to get images from different angles and getting closer or farther away to see more or less detail as she looked for any abnormality, taking measurements as she moved. Then she turned on the speaker. They heard a strong, quick heartbeat. Gilbert rested his forehead on her shoulder, both his hands holding hers as he couldn't quite contain the tears of thanks he felt threatening his eyes. Thud-thud-thud-thud. He focused on the heartbeat. "Heartbeat is strong… The sac is perfect and the placenta seems to be fully attached… nuchal fold seems normal as well," she mumbled as she zoomed in again to make more measures.
"So what's going on?" Anne asked finally, confused, as she felt another pang of pain and couldn't understand how everything seemed to be normal when it hurt and she was bleeding. He raised his head and looked at her pained expression. The doctor cleaned the gel off her belly and Anne sat on the bed. Gilbert saw as the doctor took off the gloves and put sanitizing gel on her hands.
"We'll have to wait for the lab results to have a better answer. But Anne: not all is lost. If it's a hormonal imbalance, there's treatment for that. If it's something else, we'll figure it out. For now, the baby seems healthy and your cervix is closed. Those two are great news at this moment. Focus on that until we have more information, ok?" the doctor explained, her voice kind. Anne nodded. "So, I'm going to leave you for a moment so you can dress. There's a washroom attached if you need it. The results should be back in some hours… I would like for you to stay today, while we wait, so we can keep you under observation and see how everything evolves. How do you feel?"
"So confused," she shook her head. Scared . What was going on with her body?
"Anne, what's happening to you right now is not normal, I'll agree to that. But it's not the first time we see this and we will get to the root cause if we can. So far, with the information we have right now, I can tell you your pregnancy seems to be still viable and we will know more once we receive the lab results," the doctor explained, her kind eyes still on her. Gilbert squeezed her hand again. He felt better to have her under observation, at least for a bit. "But hear me. This is not your fault. It's nothing you did or didn't do. It's just the way bodies are, ok? So don't go over everything looking for an answer. Unless you've been doing drugs, smoking and practicing boxing while drunk, there's nothing you did that can be the cause, ok?" Anne nodded, sighing. "I'll leave you to change. Nurse Amelia should be back to take you to a room in a bit, ok? I'll go find you there as soon as I have more information, or to check on you in a couple of hours."
"Thank you, dr. Smith," Anne said, grateful for the hope she had given them so far. Gilbert stood up and walked with her to the door.
"I can't explain how grateful I am, dr. Smith," he said. The doctor smiled kindly, resting a hand on his arm.
"She will be fine. I'm optimistic about the prognosis, but we have to wait," she replied. He nodded. "I'll see you in a bit. I'll call Emily at lunchtime to update her and we will take care of Anne and your kid, ok?"
"Thank you," Gilbert insisted, and the doctor nodded before taking off. Gilbert closed the door gently and turned to look at Anne. "How do you feel?"
"I don't understand anything," she said, not even able to describe what she was feeling. Numbness, maybe. Confusion. Frustration. Pain. A tiny bit of hope behind all that. Reassurance of having him there with her.
"The baby seems healthy. You're not in any danger. We are waiting for lab results, but the things they check for in them mostly have available treatments, so the future seems good," he insisted, going over to where she was and hugging her. She clinged to him. "Thank you for calling me when you did."
"Thank you for coming home," she replied.
"Let's get you changed. Fred gave you anything?" Gilbert asked, remembering the pads. Anne nodded and signaled a plastic bag on top of her clothes. She hadn't checked yet. "There should be some pads in there."
She nodded, grabbed the bag and went to the washroom. She smiled sadly as she noticed the chocolate bar in there. Fred was too kind to be true, sometimes. She put the pad on, feeling like she had a diaper, and went out to the exam room to look for the yoga pants. She was knotting her runners when the nurse knocked on the door and Gilbert let her in.
"Hello, dear. I'm taking you to your room. Dr. Blythe, there's some paperwork that needs to be done, but we were thinking you could do it while we get your wife comfortable?" he nodded. Even when she wasn't technically her wife, yet, and he would pay out of pocket for her to have her own room. Well, good news was they had a day, that wasn't all that… far along? Probably they would just wait and see what happened in the next few days. He couldn't picture them getting married the following Friday if...
"Do you know the room number?"
"402, doctor."
"I'll see you there in a few minutes, Anne. I'll sort this out," he assured her. He accompanied them to the elevator and then went to the service desk, where Fred was waiting for him, the backpack he had prepared in his hand.
"I figured you would come here at some point. How's Anne? The baby?"
"She's… in pain. Confused about everything, not that I blame her. They're running some blood work, but the ultrasound was normal, her cervix closed. There's some hope, there," Gilbert said, still trying to hold his emotions in a close leash. He couldn't break down yet. Anne still needed him, he had bureaucratic stuff to tend to. "She's in room 402. Please, head over and be with her if you have the time? I just have to sort this here."
"Sure thing, I'll see you in a bit," Fred replied. He turned to head to the elevator but paused for a moment, his hand going to Gilbert's shoulder, clearly about to say something.
"Not now, Freddie," Gilbert said, his voice tense, before Fred had any chance to speak. He was barely keeping it together as it was. His friend nodded and walked to the elevator as Gilbert focused on the assistant. It was over quicker than he would have thought initially and he was going to the elevator when he stopped. Fuck. He took out his phone, knowing he had to make this call even when he didn't really want to.
"Blythe? What's up?"
"Hey, Jerry," he greeted, walking over to a big window. "How are you?"
"All good, what's going on?"
"I'm calling you because… We're at the hospital. Anne is not in any danger, before you freak. Please let me explain," he said, his voice as tense as it had been since the nurse took Anne.
"Ok…" Jerry's voice was skeptical. He pinched his nose for a moment.
"She called me this morning. She wasn't feeling good. I picked her up and brought her here. A doctor already examined her. We're awaiting lab results now, but it seems promising… I'm just letting you know so you're not left out. You're her brother and she would value your support, even a short call…"
"Bigre de chien. What exactly happened?" Jerry's voice was tense, contained, and Gilbert just knew that the one swear word that had escaped his lips wasn't the only one crossing his mind at the time. He trailed a hand over his hair.
"She's having… a threatened miscarriage. So far. The pregnancy is not out of risk yet, but it seems the worst may be avoidable. She's in some pain, but not in any danger," Gilbert explained finally.
"Marde… How did that happen, Blythe? What are the chances?"
"No idea, Jerry. I don't know what happened and believe me, I would love to know as well. We'll have to wait for the lab results to see if there's anything there. About the chances… Honestly, I don't have those statistics fresh," his hand scratching his nape absent mindedly.
"It was more rhetorical," Jerry said. Gilbert huffed. They stayed in silence, both hanging on the end of the line. "Can I go?"
"Can you come?" Gilbert repeated, stunned.
"Yes. Can I go visit my sister and care for her? I know you can't really go away from work for that long… doctor in pandemic and all," Jerry explained, his voice firm. Gilbert considered it. "And she won't be in any state fit to be alone in that apartment of yours after this. Not for a few days. I know you guys can't travel here, but we get to go out if we do a quarantine coming back. And it's not like I'm going on holiday."
"Sure. Please." Jerry's proposal actually made sense.
"I will talk with Diana. It's possible she might want to come… But I've been to your place, it's tiny. Do you think it would be better for her to have Di close by?"
"I can't honestly know right now, Jerry," Gilbert replied, too many things on his mind to consider just that. "You both are welcome at home. Discuss it with Diana and let me know, I have no problem either way."
"I understand. I'll discuss it with her," Jerry said. They stayed in silence again. "Where is she now?"
"They're giving her a room. I was doing the paperwork and was on my way to see her, but decided to call you first."
"Thank you for that. Look, I'll send you a message once I know more? I just have to see about working from your place and find some plane tickets or something. And speak with Diana," Jerry explained.
"Sure thing."
"Please keep me posted. She's my sister and…"
"I know, Jerry. I will," Gilbert replied as the other trailed off. "Bye now."
He entered the room and was glad to see her in bed, relaxed. Fred was sitting close to the bed and they were talking quietly. The nurse was already gone, he had seen her as he approached the door. He went straight to the bed and bent over to kiss her cheek.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"As good as possible, Gil. They're giving me something for the pain. Nurse Amelia was just explaining the test results might take a bit longer than usual because they have a backlog of covid tests," she explained, feeling somewhere between numb and calm, still at a loss of how to feel about the whole situation. He nodded, his mind going back for a moment to Jerry. "I was just talking with Fred… You need to go out to lunch. Go with him."
"I can't possibly leave you alone, Anne," Gilbert refused, his concentration back in the room. He was not leaving her side. Not until Jerry arrived and then he wouldn't do it gladly either. "I can just bring my lunch here."
"I will be fine, Gilbert. They're bringing me lunch as well and I am waiting for a message from Patel, we were supposed to meet today at one but I don't have my laptop here. And dr. Smith said there was nothing to do but wait."
"What do you need your laptop for? Can't you connect on the phone?" Gilbert asked. He didn't want her to miss her appointment with her therapist. She had made so much progress and he felt this situation had the ability to shake her. He felt shaken himself, if he was being honest, and her apparent calm was getting on his nerves.
"I just don't want to have the session over lunch… So I'm waiting to see if it's possible for it to be changed to two o'clock," she explained, looking out the window. She really hoped Patel could see her later. She didn't want to think she depended on him to be well, but this wasn't a regular day and not being able to react after the initial shock and crying was something she wasn't all that familiar with. He nodded. "And Fred offered his laptop. It's just more comfortable."
"Blythe, I propose this. Stay with Anne as she eats. Let's wait until Patel confirms the time of the new appointment, when you know that, send me a message. I'll bring the laptop… I have mine in my car by chance. We'll go eat then," he said. Gilbert knew very well Fred's intention and sighed. Because his friend was right. He couldn't just bottle everything up. He nodded. Fred got up and held Anne's hand briefly. "I'll be back in a bit. This way I can organize the schedule for the day and everything."
"I just keep going over everything in my mind," Anne confessed after a while, Gilbert's hand still holding hers softly since Fred had left the room.
"Don't, Carrots. It's not healthy. You heard dr. Smith, it's not something you did or didn't do. Let go of it," he insisted and they fell in silence. He moved over to the bed and she curled against him, his arms holding her tightly. She wasn't sobbing as she had been back at the apartment, but she felt stray tears leaving her eyes every so often. All the hopes they had for their young family were hanging in the air.
Nurse Evelyn, another middle aged woman with kind eyes, entered the room. Gilbert felt relieved, he didn't particularly want any of the students caring over Anne and maybe saying some kind of inappropriate comment. There again, they were supposed to be studying to be professional. And he knew they admired Anne. Maybe he shouldn't worry that much. Anne sat upright again and he went back to the chair, handing her a tissue. She blew her nose before turning to see the food. She ate in silence the bland food, relieved to see at least they had taken her diet into account. Her phone buzzed and she looked at it while she chewed.
"It's Patel. 2:00 is fine for him," she explained. Gilbert nodded and took out his phone.
**Jerry Baynard (13:20): Ok, sorted. Diana's not happy, but we agreed it was better for her to stay with Marie. I found a flight tomorrow at 6:15, I should be in Toronto at 11:15 if everything goes right.
**Gilbert Blythe (13:42): Anne's appointment is at 2:00. See you here five minutes before, then?
**Gilbert Blythe (13:42): How come? The flight's not that long.
**Fred (13:43): Sure thing.
**Jerry Baynard (13:43): Stopovers from hell. So, I'll take an uber to the hospital? Or will she be home by then?
**Gilbert Blythe (13:43): No idea. It depends. I'll text you in the morning when I have a better idea. We could call Cole, he and Roy will want to know about Anne and maybe he's free and can bring you here.
**Jerry Baynard (13:44): Cole knows about her pregnancy?
**Gilbert Blythe (13:44): I wouldn't suggest otherwise.
**Jerry Baynard (13:44): Right. I'll call him, explain a bit. Expect a call from him, I'm sure he won't believe anything unless it's from you.
"Who are you texting with?" Anne asked.
"Doctor stuff," he replied, smiling at her. He knew he couldn't let out Jerry was coming. She would say how absolutely unnecessary it was and he would not have it. If Jerry was actually offering to care for her as he worked, he wouldn't deny him. And she would get a chance to see her brother for the first time in almost a year.
"You should go work," she insisted.
"I should be with you. But I'll have to work for a bit later, I'll probably bring the stuff here if I can," he said. She nodded. "What are you reading now?" he asked, motioning to the kindle. She started telling her the story until a knock on the door had both of them turning heads. It was Fred, who entered with a laptop under his arm and helped Anne set it up on the table, putting the food tray to the side.
"Ready, Blythe?" Gilbert nodded and stood up, giving Anne a kiss on the forehead.
"Call me the minute you need anything, ok?"
"I will, Gil. Go," she insisted, actually looking forward to her appointment and trying to make sense of everything that was happening. He nodded and followed Fred. They walked down the corridors.
"Where are we going?" he asked when he realized they were clearly not heading to the staff cafeteria. Fred looked at him.
"We're eating in my office," Fred replied. Gilbert frowned, but didn't say anything else and they walked in silence.
He didn't want to talk right now and he knew Fred's intention was exactly that. He was sure that if he let go any of the control he was holding tightly, he would lose it. And he couldn't lose it with Anne upstairs in a room, the future of their family on the verge. They entered the space and Gilbert sat down in his usual chair. Fred in his- not the one behind the desk, but the one where he sat whenever they had lunch together there. He leaned forward, supporting himself with his elbows on his knees, and looked at Gilbert. The silence hanging between them.
"You're so defensive you're gonna burst, Gilbert," Fred said finally. The other one stayed quiet. He might be defensive, but he was not going to let go yet. "Let it out," he insisted after a moment.
Gilbert stood up and went to the window, his fingers going to his temples as if to contain everything in there, feeling his carefully constructed containment and calm were going to fall if Fred kept looking at him. And he couldn't. Not yet. Not when they didn't even have any kind of diagnosis, not when they didn't know what was going to happen in two, six, twelve hours. He couldn't even do anything. He heard the chair moving against the wood of the floor and soon Fred was standing next to him.
"They are caring for her right now, Gilbert. You can let go now," Fred said in a soft voice, looking out. Probably to the same maple tree Gilbert was looking at.
"I actually can't, Freddie," he replied after a moment.
"And why is that?"
"I have to be strong for her."
"I'll agree with you on that," Fred conceded. Gilbert nodded curtly, more at ease now that Fred seemed to be seeing reason. "She's not here now. And you need to let it out in a safe place. And that's what this is. You're strong for her, I'm here for you," Gilbert swallowed, not daring to look at his friend, who resumed talking after a pause. "And then you can go back and have more strength to face whatever comes tonight, or tomorrow and be there for her. But if you don't take care of yourself, you both will be grasping at straws and we can't have that."
"I just…" Gilbert tried, but felt his voice crack and shook his head.
"You get to be frustrated, and angry, and scared, Gilbert," Fred said and Gilbert finally turned to look at him, glassy eyes. Fred turned as well. "You get to feel whatever you're feeling now. Just don't bottle it up. Let it out . Speak. Cry. Whatever you need, just don't keep it inside."
"Why does this shit keep happening, Fredie?"
"What?"
"This… fuckload of tragedies. Can't we be happy? Can't we just move on?" Gilbert asked, leaning on the windowsill. Fred got closer and put his hand on his back.
"You know it's not personal. It could be solved and she could be home tomorrow, still pregnant."
"She could also lose the baby. You know that. Fuck. They have no answers so far… But why is it like this? Why can't she be happy? Why can't we just have a family?" he asked, frustrated, his forehead against the cold glass, Fred's hand on his shoulder.
"Why does anything happen? There's no reason. You just work with it and do what you can."
"I'm just tired of fighting against fate, Freddie. My mother… dad… Anne losing everything and everyone… And then this? What the fuck? Can't we have a break?" Fred was quiet as Gilbert's voice broke down. "I just want her to be happy, Fred."
"I know you do, mate," Fred replied as he hugged him, holding him tightly as Gilbert cried on his shoulder. "And she will be happy. Whatever the outcome, you'll both grow with this. You're both strong and determined. You both are already a family, regardless of what happens. You won't get undermined by this."
"I don't know how to be around her and not…" he said after a while, letting go of Fred. He rubbed his eyes angrily. "I have to be strong for her, and I… I don't know how long I can hold this."
"You can do so for as long as you need, which is exactly why we're doing this. Because you know you both will get through this, but she needs you right now. She needs you strong, which you are by default, but you bottling everything won't carry you through this. Right now, you need to know that you also matter and that you're not alone facing this."
"Freddie…"
"You know you always have this space waiting. It's just who we are. And I need you to know that in a time like this."
"Mate," Gilbert tried again, a knot in his throat. He breathed deeply a couple of times before looking at Fred again. "Thanks."
"No need. If you need a moment off, at any time, you call me, ok? I can stay with her if you really don't want her to be alone or I can be with you," Fred insisted.
"Jerry is coming," Gilbert commented, remembering suddenly. He didn't know how to feel about the whole prospect of Jerry and Anne in his apartment, but it was going to happen either way.
"Jerry?" Fred looked at him, raising an eyebrow.
"He wants to care for her… And I couldn't say no, Fred. He's her brother, for all purposes," Gilbert explained. Fred nodded. "He's arriving tomorrow in the morning. I believe he's talking with Cole to check if he can pick him up? I honestly don't know, I don't have the mind to call them and figure it out."
"Then don't. I'll text Cole and take care of that," Fred said. Gilbert nodded. "Now, let's eat, you need something in your stomach."