A/N: Story inspirations can hit from anywhere. This one came, almost word-for-word, from a question in a syndicated advice column printed in my local paper called Help Me Harlan, written by Harlan Cohen. As soon as I finished wiping up the orange juice from my spit-take, I thought: Wouldn't our friends in Stars Hollow have fun with this? At least, I think it's going to be fun. Hope you do, too.
This is going to be a quick two-shot, and it's set during Season 3 before anyone else came into the picture.
So this is what it's like to have all the time in the world, Lorelai thought. She hooked her heels around the rung on the stool and leaned forward, letting her elbows splay out onto the well-worn countertop as she inhaled the elixir of life, Luke's coffee. I could get used to this, she thought, thoroughly content.
It was a little after ten on a Monday morning. Normally she'd already be at the Independence Inn, bedeviling Michel and ushering departing guests to the door, but she'd clocked some extra hours over the weekend which had earned her a late, lazy Monday morning. She didn't have to be at work until noon.
She'd gotten up like normal anyway, just to have the extra time with Rory before she'd dashed off to Chilton. She'd luxuriated in the empty house and single-user bathroom, taking her time as she primped for the day. She'd strolled to Luke's, feeling superior to all of the poor townsfolk who'd had to gulp their coffee and get their danishes to go. She could revel in her late-morning omelet. She'd have time to coax refill after refill out of Luke.
It had come as a surprise to see how busy the diner still was at this late hour. Apparently she wasn't the only one with the morning off. Or maybe it was time for a mid-morning break, she guessed, registering how many of the nearby business people were crowded into Luke's. Maybe this happened every morning, and she usually wasn't a witness to it. With most of the tables occupied, she felt lucky to claim a stool at the counter.
She dug her rolled up newspaper out of her oversized bag. For once she'd have time to actually read through the paper while she sipped her coffee. With a happy sigh she sorted out the 'Living' section, snapping it open and scanning the decorating tips on the front page.
Nothing much held her interest as she leafed through the pages. She breezed through the movie listings. At last she reached the comics. Just as she was zeroing in on Get Fuzzy a headline caught her eye.
In delighted disbelief she read the letter to the advice columnist. Tamping down her glee, she read it again. The third reading had her spinning around on her stool, grinning at Babette and Miss Patty at the table behind her.
"You will not believe this!" she crowed at them, shaking the paper for emphasis.
"Something interesting?" Patty asked, quirking an eyebrow.
"Is it about that restrain' order Jerry's Taco's had to get against the UPS driver?" Babette asked somberly.
"What? What are you talking about?" Lorelai felt her skirt ride up as she attempted to ease off the stool. She shook it down impatiently as she moved over to the ladies' table.
"I heard that was completely overblown," Bootsy said with authority.
"That's right," Kirk chimed in. "He was just stacking the boxes to make it easier for Jerry to get them. It was a sheer coincidence that it was right underneath the window to the ladies' room."
"Maybe so, but I heard that Jerry's son―ya know, the tall one who plays basketball? I heard he ran down the road chasin' the truck and throwin' cans of salsa at it," Babette added.
"That sounds highly unlikely," Taylor sniffed from the end of the counter. "How many cans of salsa could the boy carry with him?"
"That's true," Patty agreed.
Lorelai shook her head, trying to clear the weird story from her mind. Sometimes she was glad she wasn't privy to every strange Stars Hollow occurrence. "Don't use the restroom at Jerry's Tacos," she murmured to herself, making a mental note. She then attempted to start her conversation again. "Anyway, listen to this!"
A sudden smell of pancakes alerted her to the fact that Luke was standing right beside her. "Are you sittin' here or there?" he demanded impatiently, pointing at her empty stool.
"Um, does it matter?"
Luke's breath escaped him in a gust of exasperation. "Yes! In case you haven't noticed, space is at a premium here today! So make up your mind!" he demanded, glaring at her in a way it normally took him hours to achieve.
"Here?" She looked to the ladies at the table for approval.
"Sure, Doll, join us," Babette urged.
With another grunt of annoyance, Luke slammed the plate of pancakes down at the table beside them. In two steps he grabbed Lorelai's coffee and brought it in front of her, while his foot kicked her bag from under her deserted stool to the chair she was presently occupying.
"Hey!" she protested, with feeling. "What'd poor Baggy do to deserve that?"
Luke didn't answer. Instead he grabbed the dishrag on his shoulder, quickly wiped down the counter where Lorelai had been sitting, and motioned to a man waiting by the door before he sprinted back to the kitchen.
"What's wrong with him?" Lorelai groused.
"It seems there's a staffing problem this morning," Patty informed her. "He gave Angelo the time off because he had a big chemistry test today, but then Tommy called in sick and Caesar wasn't scheduled to work this morning. Poor Luke's trying to run the place on his own."
"Oh," Lorelai said, with new understanding. She looked towards the kitchen, trying to catch a glimpse of her grumpy diner guy.
"Anyways, what's the news?" Babette asked, a bite of toast muffling her voice.
Once again Lorelai's focus returned to the delicious bit in the paper. "Are you ready?" she chortled. She glanced around quickly to confirm that all of the diner's patrons seemed to be adults, in case anyone overheard what she was about to read. Satisfied that no tender ears were nearby, she launched into the advice column for today.
"Dear Harlan," she read, in a sweet, breathless voice. "I just started dating someone who is used to having sex. I, on the other hand, want to hold off. I'm not sure how long I should expect him to hold off on having sex if he's used to it in a relationship. What's the average time a man will wait to have sex? Signed, Dating Someone New."
"Oh, Honey!" Miss Patty laughed. "The best dates are the ones where he doesn't wait at all!"
Babette had started to titter but choked on a toast crumb and had to swallow some tea first. "Boy, that's the truth!" she managed to sputter out, her face wreathed in a smile. "It took me and Morey better'n a month of tryin' before we finally made it out to a restaurant!"
"Oh…my," Lorelai said, her bright smile a little forced at Babette's joyful confession. "I just thought it was funny that she thinks there's an average time. You know, like guys have to complete a survey when they turn 18 and fill out their selective service information or something."
"Or better yet, maybe that's a question they have to answer at the drugstore while they're waiting to buy protection!" Miss Patty suggested, chuckling.
"30 minutes," Kirk announced, darkly, from over his oatmeal.
The diner crowd quieted as all eyes swiveled to Kirk.
"Are you kiddin'?" Bootsy asked him, immediately suspicious and just a little bit in awe. "You'd only wait 30 minutes before having sex with a girl?"
Kirk's spoon clattered to the table. "Sex? I thought we were talking about how long we'd wait in line at the drugstore!"
"No, Sweetie," Miss Patty informed him. "We want to know how long you guys will wait to have sex with someone you're dating."
"Mother says I'm not mature enough yet to have sex," Kirk said, sounding resigned. "But I think she's wrong," he added, just under his breath, as he once again picked up his spoon.
"Lorelai, that girl sounds like she's really young. I sincerely hope that the advice columnist told her to wait," Reverend Skinner spoke up from a nearby table, leaning forward in concern.
Lorelai winced, wishing she'd looked over the clientele better. "Oh, yeah, he does. He tells her that a good guy will wait on her." She quickly skimmed the rest of the answer. "He says that she shouldn't rush, and there's plenty of other ways to grow close while you're getting to know each other," she assured him.
"Let's hope she takes his advice," Rabbi Barans sighed. "So many youngsters rush into the physical part of a relationship."
"Couple of weeks is my limit," Bootsy suddenly proclaimed, apparently not picking up on the fact that everyone else was curtailing their comments after the holy table had spoken. "I'm not wasting my time. There's plenty of other fish in the sea."
"That seems harsh," Andrew observed, bravely. "I agree with the advice guy. Sometimes it's worth waiting for."
"Three dates," Gypsy proclaimed. She was leaning next to the cash register, waiting for a to-go order. She nodded sagely at the diner crowd. "You need that acceleration, ya know? So one date for a test drive, two dates to see if you're compatible, and by the third, if there's still no spark in the ignition, ya need to stomp on the brakes. Go back to square one and find someone else."
Gypsy's comments seemed to unleash a flood of conversation. Everyone was suggesting timetables, or relating personal experiences. Jokes and laughter flowed around the room.
Babette leaned towards Lorelai, her eyes bright. "I knew this one guy, when I lived in New York? You would not believe―"
Lorelai nodded at Babette, but tried not to listen too closely. She'd sleep better that way. She noticed that even Archie Skinner and David Barans seemed to be trading stories.
In the midst of the chaos, Luke once again appeared, delivering a stack of plates to a table by the exit. She watched him gracefully set down the meals, pivot to his right and snag a syrup dispenser, smoothly landing it in the center of the table that needed it. He took two steps, wiped up some spilled coffee at another table, and then glanced at them as he began to rush by.
"Your order's up next," he said, pointing to her, already moving away.
"Luke, dear," Miss Patty said mischievously, catching at his arm. "How long would you be willing to wait to have sex with someone?"
There was certainly an answer Lorelai wanted to hear. She hid behind the paper as Luke swiveled to the side to pick up a stack of dirty plates, effectively disengaging Patty's grasp. He pocketed some money left on the table for a tip.
"Seven years, apparently," he muttered, his tone one of total distraction. He scooped up some dirty napkins to add to the used plates, then rushed back to the kitchen.
An otherworldly hush fell over the diner. No one moved. No one even breathed.
Behind her paper, Lorelai's body told her that something was wrong before her brain caught on. Her stomach twisted and seemed to swell up with apprehension, crowding out the breathing room normally needed for her lungs.
She slowly lowered the paper. No one wanted to look at her.
Except Babette. "Say, Sugah," she asked, as kindly as she was capable of asking, "how long d'ya think you and Luke have known each other?"
"Um…" Lorelai bobbed her head, the words already set to tumble out of her mouth before her brain could put up the red flag of warning. "Seven years, I think."
Patty and Babette exchanged significant looks while whispers did the wave around the room.
"I'm sure that's not what Luke meant!" Lorelai protested at once. "Come on, it's Luke! He'd never say anything like that!"
Once again her tablemates exchanged looks.
"He wouldn't!" Lorelai insisted vehemently.
"Of course not," Patty said soothingly, patting her hand. "I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason why he said what he did."
"Yeah. I'm sure he picked seven years completely at random," Babette chimed in, rolling her eyes. "Hey, Patty. Don't we need to be going? Remember? We need to be meetin' somebody about the thing." She winked outrageously.
"Oh! Oh, yes! The thing!" Patty agreed. "We'd better be on our way."
The ladies told her goodbye and hurried out of the diner as fast they could flag down Luke and pay for their meals.
Caesar nearly bowled them over as he rushed through the front door, making a beeline for the kitchen.
Lorelai chewed her lips in agitation. She knew they were on their way to spread the news. Everyone in town would know about the "seven years" comment by lunch. "Arrgh!" she growled, aggravated once again by how very small Stars Hollow could be.
"Calm down; here's your food!" Luke advised, slipping her omelet in front of her.
Startled, she looked up directly in his face. For a moment they studied each other openly.
"You OK?" Luke asked, frowning slightly.
She released the breath she'd been holding since he appeared at her table. "I'm fine," she said, sounding grim. "How are you?" she asked in return, cautiously.
'I'm great, now that Caesar's here," he shrugged. He started to back towards the kitchen. "Let me know if you need something else."
Lorelai's lazy morning had been ruined. She knew she was being observed so she ate her omelet as calmly as she could, even though she'd lost her appetite. Instead of seeing if she could break her record for the most cups of coffee wheedled out of Luke in one morning, (currently at five), she sipped her one rapidly-cooling cup and watched for the perfect time to step up to the cash register.
Archie and David were waiting to pay and she saw Evelyn from the Copy Center picking up her purse, so she hurried to get in line. She didn't think she was ready to have a real conversation with Luke quite yet.
He rang up her bill and then draped an arm over the cash register after he handed her back her change. He didn't seem to care that Evelyn was waiting behind her. He smiled at her warmly.
"Hey, I'm sorry about this morning," he said, his voice dropping into a more intimate zone.
"Oh?" she asked, her heart racing. "Why―Why would you be sorry?"
"It was a crazy morning," he sighed "I'm sure it cut down on your clever bantering time. Hopefully the next time you're here I'll be fully staffed and you'll be able to torment me like normal, OK?" He looked at her full-on again, with a sly little smile and his eyes shining at her so warm and blue. Something about that combination made her heart completely flop over.
"Sure," she agreed, trying to pull her wits around her enough to study him for any signs of deceit or misdirection. But he seemed totally genuine and unperturbed about his earlier comment. "You don't want to see what happens to my complexion when I'm low on my bantering quotient for the day."
"Later, then," he told her casually, and she had no choice but to turn and leave the diner in confusion.
"Sookie! Are you even listening to me?"
Sookie jumped guiltily when Lorelai's demanding voice invaded her consciousness. Truth was, she hadn't been listening. She'd been leaning back against the wall in Lorelai's small office, her arms folded over her chest while her mind had been jumping over entries in her virtual recipe collection, speculating on the best way to prepare the pork chops awaiting her in the kitchen.
"Sorry," she giggled, embarrassed at her inattention. "What did you say?"
Obviously miffed, Lorelai flounced over and hoisted herself up to sit on the edge of her desk. "I said, what do you think he meant by that?"
"Who?" Sookie asked, her eyebrows pulling together.
"Luke!" Lorelai shouted in frustration.
Lorelai wasn't the only one who was frustrated. "I don't know," Sookie replied clearly. "As I've told you the first thirteen times, I wasn't there! I have no idea why he'd say such a thing!"
Lorelai sighed and looked down at her knees. "Do you think he was joking?"
"Maybe." Sookie shrugged. "Luke does have that wicked, dry humor. What do you think? Do you think he was joking?"
"I don't know," Lorelai groaned. "I think maybe he didn't even really hear the question. But yet, what a weird, oddly specific thing for him to say. I just don't know what to think!"
Sookie started to ease her way out of the office. The pork chops were calling. "You know, there is a way for you to figure this out."
"How?" Lorelai asked eagerly, her face lighting up.
"Go talk to him," Sookie advised. She took off across the lobby, having no desire to see the irritated look she knew was now gracing her friend's face. It was the same look she'd seen countless times whenever she'd recommended some sensible behavior concerning the handsome, baffling diner guy. Advice that was continually ignored.
"Seven years," she snorted, shaking her head in disgust. "What a waste!" She trotted down the hall to the kitchen, thankful that she and Jackson had had more sense.
Lorelai heard Rory's voice as soon as she stepped inside their house that evening.
"There she is!" Rory sing-songed out, rushing over to intercept her mother. She patted her hands against Lorelai's checks. "There's my mommy! What a good girl she is, making the boys wait on her! I'm so proud," she added, nodding seriously.
"Oh, boy." Lorelai sank down onto the easy chair, burrowing her face in her hands. "You heard, huh?"
"It does appear to be the news of the day," Rory observed, perching on the arm of the chair.
Lorelai threw her head against the back of the chair, squeezing shut her eyes. "Who?" she asked, resigned.
"Jess," Rory said smugly.
Lorelai made a whimpering noise of distress. So much worse than she'd imagined.
"He's blaming you," Rory informed her, helpfully.
"Of course he is," Lorelai sighed. "Do you think he talked to Luke about it?" she asked, suddenly hoping to glean an insight into Luke's head.
Rory's eyebrows rose skeptically. "Do you really think that Jess would ever talk to Luke about something like this?"
"No," Lorelai admitted.
Rory watched her mother for a moment, not entirely sympathetic. "Why would you ever bring up such a thing in front of Luke, anyway?"
"I didn't!" Lorelai protested. "It was this stupid thing in the paper! Patty's the one who grabbed Luke and asked him!"
"Asked him…?" Rory said, leadingly.
Lorelai groaned in misery and shut her eyes again. "How long he'd be willing to wait to have sex with someone."
"And Luke said…?" Rory prompted.
"Seven years," she replied sullenly.
Rory chewed her bottom lip, studying her mother. "I've already done the math. I'm sure you have, too. You know it works out."
Lorelai slid down in the chair, letting her knees knock together as she studied the ceiling. "Yeah," she quietly acknowledged.
"So let's look at this logically," Rory suggested. "What would be his motivation in saying such a thing?"
Lorelai frowned at Rory. "Motivation?"
"Well, yeah." Rory was nodding. "Maybe he was hoping that admitting it would, you know, open a door between the two of you."
"Really?" Lorelai said sarcastically. "You think that Luke Danes would admit, in front of practically everyone in town, that he's been pining for me for seven years?"
"Maybe not," Rory had to concede. "What's your theory, then?"
"I think it was a joke," Lorelai said, trying to sound convinced.
"A joke?"
"Yeah, you know Luke, how he'll say something all deadpan, just to see the reaction," she argued.
Rory considered this. "Well, did it seem like that was what he was doing? Did he try to catch your eye after he said it? Did he do that little scrunched up smile thing after he said it?"
"No," she snapped, annoyed that Rory could knock down her favorite theory so easily.
"OK," Rory shrugged. "Maybe he was just trying to say something to shut Patty up."
Lorelai sat up straight. "Oh, that's good! I didn't think of that!"
"Of course, it totally backfired," Rory pointed out.
"Oh, yeah, big-time, baby," Lorelai agreed.
"So what are you going to do?" Rory wanted to know.
Lorelai's eyes darted around the room. "I think I'm just going to ignore it. Pretend it didn't happen. I know it's the number one item from the Daily Ten right now, but it'll fade eventually, as long as nothing else happens to fan the flames. We know Luke won't say anything else, and if I don't either, I think that it'll gradually just expire on its own."
Rory's face showed her skepticism again. "Really? We know Luke won't say anything?"
Lorelai clambered out of the chair and started to head for the stairs. "Well, up until this morning I would have banked on that. Now I'm not so sure."
Rory moved to the foot of the stairs, leaning against the railing as she watched her mother ascend. "Why don't you confirm that with him when we stop at the diner before the meeting tonight?"
Lorelai froze. It had been their plan to grab dinner at the diner before the town meeting tonight. That idea no longer sounded appetizing.
"You know, there's an awful lot of leftovers," she said slowly. "Why don't we try to make a dent in them instead?"
Rory studied her, the speculation plain in her eyes. Lorelai could see when she decided to let it go. "Dibs on the moo shu," she insisted, heading towards the kitchen.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Lorelai continued on to her room.
"Let's sit back here," Rory suggested, pointing to a half-empty row in the back of the dance studio.
"Aw, where's the fun in eating our contraband snacks if Taylor can't see us do it?" Lorelai murmured, leading the way up the side aisle to a few empty seats at the front. She let Rory into the row ahead of her so that she could take the seat on the end of the aisle. She didn't want to chance having an empty seat beside her.
She was nervous and she hated that she was nervous. She hated that one stupid throwaway line from Luke was causing her to totally revamp her entire lifestyle.
She looked back over her shoulder and saw him enter the building. People were greeting him cautiously, looking him over with interest, much the same way they'd done with her. He took a seat in the middle of the empty row that she'd rejected. She swept her head forward before he had a chance to catch her eye.
Eventually she realized that Taylor had blathered on forever. He must have. She'd had time to eat all of the snacks in her pockets, so it had to have been a good 45-minute meeting, but she hadn't heard a word. Well, 'ascertain.' She'd heard that; she just didn't know what it related to. She'd been too concerned with keeping her back straight enough to withstand the looks she could feel coming from Luke.
When the meeting broke up she took a few minutes to chat with Marie, the wife of the Inn's landscaper, who'd been sitting in front of her. Thankfully she appeared to be one of the few people in town without a direct link to Gossip Central. By the time Lorelai turned around, Luke had disappeared from the studio.
Breathing easier, she worked her way to the door, throwing casual greetings but not stopping for anyone. Outside she made her way over to where Rory had found Dean fresh from his stint at Doose's, his apron still over his shoulder.
"Hi, Lorelai," was the only thing Dean said to her, but she thought his shaggy head tilted a little bit more as he looked at her with speculation.
"We're going to Luke's for a snack. Do you want to come too?" Rory invited her.
"No thanks, I'm just going to head home," Lorelai said. Her feet were already itching to go.
Rory's eyes told her how silly she thought she was. "OK," was her only response, however. "See you at home, then."
Lorelai did not stroll. She wasn't exactly jogging but she wasn't wasting any extra time getting to her house. The heavy feeling was leaving her shoulders. The farther she got from town square the more relief she felt.
Everything was great until a movement off to the side revealed itself to be Luke straightening up from his vigil against a streetlight. Where he'd been waiting. For her.
"Oh, boy," she breathed out, slowing down.
"OK if I walk you home?" he asked rhetorically, already falling into step with her. His hands were tucked into his back pockets and he appeared deep in thought.
"Sure!" she chirped out, way too brightly.
He grimaced at her forced perkiness. "So what's going on?"
"What do you mean?" she hedged.
"Everything back there." His shoulder motioned back towards the center of town. "This," he added, pointing at her.
"Um, nothing?" she ventured, her voice still too perky. "Paranoid much, Luke?"
"I've lived in this town too long not to know when people are talking about you," he huffed. "I know all the signs, and something's going on."
"Oh, I don't think―"
His long legs took a larger step than hers, and suddenly he was right in front of her, blocking her path. "I figured you'd be the one person who'd be straight with me," he challenged her.
"Oh, Luke," she sighed out, nervously bouncing on her toes. Her eyes darted back and forth on the dark pavement at her feet.
"Is it Jess?" he asked grimly. "Did he do something stupid again? Are they out for his blood? I swear―"
"No, it's not Jess," she said quickly. "It's…uh, actually…it's kinda my fault, I guess."
He folded his arms across his chest and his eyebrows quirked up. "Why doesn't that surprise me?"
She nodded while tucking her hair back, trying to ascertain the best way to relay the story to him. "This morning in the diner, you know, when you were really busy?"
"Go on."
She drew in a breath; let it go. "I was reading something funny from the paper, and everyone got involved. Patty grabbed you and asked you what you thought."
Luke shrugged and gave his head a brief shake. "Don't remember, but go on."
"Well, what you said has got people wondering."
He turned his hands up in supplication. "So what did I say?"
"Seven years," she revealed ominously to him, speaking slowly.
"And what does that mean?" he demanded.
"I don't know," she muttered darkly, her insides shaking.
"Lorelai!" he thundered, his patience exhausted. "What was the question?"
She sucked in all of the air she could, hoping some courage was mixed in with the oxygen. "How-long-you'd-be-willing-to-wait-before-having-s ex-with-someone." She rushed the sentence out so fast it almost sounded like one long word.
She watched his face closely. She saw the little flicker of wide-eyed panic roll over him before he closed it down. She saw his lips press together before he looked nervously off to the side.
"And, you know…since we've known each other for, oh, seven years…people assumed that you…"
His eyes turned desperately back to hers.
"…meant me," she finished, bravely.
He looked away again, tugging tensely at his cap.
"But you don't, right?" she continued on. "I mean, you don't think about me like that, do you?" She winced when she picked up on the wistful note in her voice. She hoped he hadn't.
"Of course not!" he said at once, emphatically. He took in a deep breath, putting his hands on his hips. He seemed to be coming back to himself again. "There's no way I'd think that!"
"Oh?" A lot of frost was covering that one word. She felt her chin tip up in defiance.
"There's no way," he repeated. "I wouldn't let myself…Look, Lorelai, you're an attractive woman, there's no denying that, right? But we're friends! We're like…brother and sister, right? So if I thought anything like that about you, that'd just be wrong. It'd be…creepy!"
"Creepy?" she bristled.
"You know what I mean," he insisted.
"You think I'm like your sister?" she demanded hotly.
She saw him waver, for just a second. "Well, isn't that how we act? We sort of tease each other and bait each other all the time. We fight a lot."
"Luke! We flirt!" she blurted out.
His shoulders straightened as he looked at her, with just a touch of a superior smile curving his lips. "So are you saying that you think of me like that?" he countered.
Too late she realized she'd fallen into a trap. "Of course not!" she snapped.
He shrugged, uncaring. "Well, then."
She could feel the heat still blazing out of her eyes at him, while he continued to watch her, that annoying smart-aleck smile still on his face. She strove to find some calmness to bring to the situation; tried to convince her tense shoulders to relax.
"OK," she said in grudging agreement, shrugging too. After all, she didn't care. Right?
She stepped to the side, her feet telling her it was time to get away from him.
"We're OK, aren't we?" he questioned when she started to step away. She could hear the slight worry in his voice.
"Sure," she said, clipping off the word.
"Thanks for telling me," he added, his voice raising a little as she moved farther down the street.
"Anytime, Bro," she called out with extreme sarcasm, not looking back.
His too-brotherly sounding chuckle made her teeth grind together. She kicked at a rock that dared to be in her path and then stomped angrily all the way back home.