Review Responses:

Dr Pepper 01: It's no bother, always happy to answer questions and chat about my story, so thank you for asking. And I'm glad I'm back too. I'm glad you feel for both characters and you seem to understand them well. I personally feel worse for Sarah, as she currently has the worse hand, but it's understandable why, in the heat of the moment, Leiah did what she did. Like many bad decisions in life, she just didn't think about the lasting consequences and only now realises. But I feel horrible for Sarah, as she went through a moment of self discovery and then had that taken away, basically being put back to square one. And she's basically been on that same square for the past ninety years of her life, and has now only just realised she's on a board at all... Wow that metephor just came flying out of me. Hope it makes sense, lol. And yes, Mikael is a monster, who we will soon get to.

Bornkiller9: I'm trying really hard not to give up on it. I've hated myself for abandoning stories before and I don't want to be one of those people who gives up and moves onto something else only to drop that too. Plus I like having this story as a constant in my life right now, even if it is updating at a snails pace. Thank you for understanding and for coming back to continue reading. And yes, Scarlett absolutely has a right to be mad at Jeremy, because he is basically a hypocrite as you say. And it will be expanded on later, but you may regret asking for that. Yeah, I love writing these Sarah/Leiah interactions. Honestly before I got to them I was looking forward to them for a long time and its great to finally be writing them again, they're such a joy. They might not be endgame, but I still have plans for these two ;) And a huge thanks for the continually support throughout this story and these recently difficult times! You're an absolute legend my friend!

pixiegrl1976: Oh my God, thank you so much! That's such a wonderful thing to say! I'm not sure I deserve praise as high as that at the moment but I'll be damned sure to try my best to live up to it! So, so, glad your loving these characters of mine and the adjustments I've made to the story along the way. Wishing you all the best as well, hope you enjoy the new chapter!

And I'm back again, with hopefully another update for next week too! We'll see how things go in the run up to Christmas. Hope you guys are all doing well and staying sane these days. I know it's a challenge for me at the moment. But for now, here's a new chapter, so enjoy and I'll hopefully see you guys again real soon!

Chapter 38: Thoughts That Betray Us

Sarah was exhausted. It was hard to believe she'd only been away with Leiah for two hours. She'd thought with all the shouting it should have been longer. But in truth not that much had been said between them. Mostly the aftermath stuck in her mind. The silence as Sarah tried to figure out what came next, while Leiah watched her, trying to act like she was lost in her own thoughts.

The truth was, the Original felt guilty now, and it would stay with her forever. Sarah had thought that that would be enough, that it would make her happy. She was wrong.

She was glad Leiah was suffering for what she'd done, but it didn't solve her own issues. It didn't fix the the turmoil inside her, about her own identity, about whether she should or should not like women again.

The silence was only broken when they both got texts from Klaus. He wanted them both back at the warehouse immediately. Sarah had been about to text him back and tell him to shove it, but Leiah stopped her. She pointed out Sarah would have to be careful from now on, since if Klaus found out about her knowing Mikael, he would look for any excuse to kill her. So, Leiah asked for her to play along for now and suck up to him, so that she could live.

Sarah appreciated the concern, but at the same time, she was in no mood for sucking up. She did however, want to stay alive. A compromise was quickly agreed upon that they would return to the warehouse and hear Klaus out. After that, they'd see were things went, but Sarah made no promises. Leiah did however, promising that she would protect her if Klaus did try to kill her. Sarah took that with a pinch of salt, considering how Leiah's last promise had turned out.

However, when they then got to the warehouse, Sarah couldn't bring herself to go inside. The silence between her and Leiah back at the apartment hadn't been ideal, but it had been neutral and calm. And Sarah knew, the second they went in there, there would be shouting, questions, demands, threats and that it would just go on and on.

She needed this moment of slowness to last a little longer before the chaos of her life consumed her again. She needed even more time to contemplate and think on all that had been said between her and Leiah, but the fact was she wasn't going to get all that right now. But she wanted just a little more, to extend the calm before removing herself from it.

"Can we…just stay out here a minute, please?" asked Sarah as Leiah reached for the door handle of the warehouse.

The petite Original looked back at her, taking in Sarah's self hugging arms, her slouching posture and the exhaustion on her face. Leiah smiled softly, and her hand fell away from the handle. "Sure, whatever you need."

Sarah thanked her, then sat down on the ramp leading up to a closed loading bay door. It was a pleasant enough night, she realised after a moment. There was no breeze, it wasn't overly warm, rather just the right temperature. Of course, she was a vampire. For a human, it might have been a bit on the chilly side. This idea was made more clear when Leiah sat down next to her and Sarah felt herself shiver. But then, it wasn't the weather that did that.

"Sorry," Leiah said when she noticed. "Do you want–"

"No, no. It's fine," Sarah said quickly, before the awkward silence took over and she looked away. Luckily they had the distant sounds of late night traffic to fill the void, but it was still noticeable.

"I…" Leiah began sheepishly. She hesitated and Sarah turned towards her. But rather than look her in the eye, Sarah opted instead to look down at Leiah's feet. She was listening, eagerly awaiting in fact. But she didn't want Leiah knowing that, and so left herself with an easy out in case Leiah stopped.

She did still care for Leiah in some way after all, just not in the way she once did. And for that same reason, she struggled to look Leiah straight in the eye, even more so after their most recent confrontation. The gap between them had gotten bigger, becoming gorge like, and it would be a while before they could move from betrayed exs to something like…friendship.

Leiah finally continued, "I'd like to help you."

"How?" asked Sarah with a frown.

"I…don't know. But I want to. I'm the reason you're going through all this after all. I'm the one that screwed you over. I owe you, and…if you need any help, with anything just… Just give me a chance."

"I don't think that's going to work, Leiah."

"Please, I have to make this right," pleaded Leiah.

"You can't, we've been over this," said Sarah, finally lifting her gaze to Leiah's baby blues. They seemed so childlike in some ways now. So naive and hopefully, as if the impossible was possible. Maybe she just needed to believe that right now, to think she and her could get back to a point were everything would be okay between them. Sarah wasn't as optimistic.

"I don't want this to be the end of us," pleaded Leiah.

"We already ended. There is no us," pointed out Sarah.

"I know… But I still like you and I don't want you to…" Leiah sighed after trailing off. "If I could fix this. If there was something I could do, some compulsion word loop hole that I could find that would help you–"

"But there isn't," sighed Sarah heavily.

"I'm sorry," said Leiah, again.

"I know," replied Sarah, again.

Another stretch of silence.

"Sarah?"

"Yeah?"

"How…How do you feel about us? Now that you remember everything, that you know it all…what do you think? I mean…it was pretty good…right?"

She was putting herself out there. Why, Sarah wasn't entirely sure. But she could see Leiah needed an honest answer from her, an evaluation of their relationship or something. So, Sarah told her the truth.

"It was good," admitted Sarah with a small, but fond, smile. Leiah reciprocated, relief in her eyes. "I don't have those feelings anymore though."

"I get that," said Leiah, fringing content while her eyes sparked with a little disappointment. "But you still enjoyed it?"

"Yeah. I did," Sarah said, looking of into the distance as if seeing those memories play out before her. And she did remember them fondly. There had been love there. It was just a love that no longer fitted or made any sense in her head. But it had been real, she knew that.

"I just wish I could make sense of all this now. Get my head straight, you know?"

"So…you've never had any other inkling since me?" Leiah asked.

"What?"

"Never seen another woman and been attracted to her?" Leia continued, cheeky grin growing.

"No," answered Sarah sharply, which raised Leiah's eyebrows. "Maybe… Maybe once or twice since then, yeah…"

"And what happened?"

Sarah snorted. "I ran far away."

"All because of Katherine?"

"No. In part, yes, but not entirely. I mean, I already thought it was bad, evil, the devil's deed or whatever, before her. It just seemed…wrong to me. I mean I was told it was. And then when what happened with Katherine happened, it just solidified my beliefs," explained Sarah.

"But you were a vampire. You'd already crossed the threshold, why not go all the way and taste it?" asked Leiah curiously.

"I just…didn't want to fall any further I guess… That was the reason I told myself anyway, at the start, before I gave up on God and everything else that was drilled into me as a child."

"But you kept the sexual repression?"

"Look, Leiah, I don't know what your first time was like. Whether it was with a man or a woman. But mine was with Katherine Pierce. She forced me into it. Made me do something I was told would damn me to all hell if I did and… So, yes, I kept the sexual repression."

"What about guys though? I mean, you dated plenty of them?"

"Yes, but that's different…"

"Yeah, it is," admitted Leiah, as she stood up. Sarah frowned, following Leiah as she stepped around to stand in front of her. "Let me show you just how different it really is," she then said, placing her hands on the sides of Sarah's face.

Sarah could feel Leiah instantly going into her mind, but she didn't fight it. She had nothing to hide from Leiah after all, no lies she'd told her. Everything was out between them now. Plus she could feel what Leiah was doing inside her mind. She was combing through memories, as if Sarah was a filing cabinet and Leiah had just popped her open. She flicked through various relationships before pulling one to the forefront.

"Now what's a lady like you doing in a place like this all on her own?" asked Ronnie.

"Getting a drink. Is that a problem?" Sarah inquired with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course not," Ronnie replied, with a quick grin.

"Damn, he sure is taste," said Leiah, licking her lips as she did. Sarah giggled at that.

"You actually have a lot in common with him," pointed out Sarah.

"Really?"

"Yeah. He hurt me just like you did."

"What'd he do?" asked Leiah, ignoring the well deserved insult.

"He was spying on me for Katherine."

"Well, if I ever see him, I'll kill him," promised Leiah.

"My brother beat you to it," said Sarah. "But I loved him…just like with you." Although Sarah had her eye closed, she knew Leiah was smiling.

"I can see that," said Leiah, as memories danced around. All of moments with Ronnie. Them kissing, them laughing, them in bed together, them talking, them cooking, them eating. The moment he gave her her motorcycle – the original red one. The time Sarah introduced Ronnie to Lexi and they met Rose and Trevor. When she saved him from Katherine's compelled goons at the hotel. When she brought him back to Mystics Falls. When they'd danced together at the masquerade ball. All lovely little moments between them.

"He made you happy," summarised Leiah.

"Yeah," Sarah couldn't help but admit, even after what he'd done. He had hurt her beyond forgiveness, but him being dead did change things. It made it a little easier to look past what he did and to forgive. Sometimes she did hate his guts. But other times, she remembered him fondly, like now. Because before that night, when it'd all come out, they'd had good times. She hadn't just been a job for Katherine. She knew he'd loved her too.

"All right, see all this love, all these memories. Keep them at the forefront of your mind," instructed Leiah.

"Why?" asked Sarah, as the memories faded away, leaving her in darkness.

"Because…I want you to compare them, to this," said Leiah, as memories of her and Sarah began to appear all around her. It was like when Rebekah had given them back to her, only not as intense. Rather than a tidal wave of flashing imagines, this was more like a steady stream. As if Sarah was walking along an art exhibit made of her memories and giving her a chance to stop and admire every one. From when she and Leiah first met, to their first kiss. The countless days and nights in bed together, and one horrid double date Rebekah had insisted on. The laughs they'd had in Gloria's bar, the time they sang – horribly. Sarah had never felt more alive and in love than then…even with Ronnie. She could see that, she could feel that as she relived these memories. The best of her relationships, verses the one same sex one. Surprisingly, there wasn't much of a contest when she saw it like this.

"You see, Sarah. What you had with Ronnie, it was good, but this, what you were feeling then with me… That's what love should feel like. That's what it feels like when it's right. See that smile of yours, it was never that bright when you with Ronnie or any other man. You know what you really want, you just can't admit it. But you will one day, and hopefully this will bring that day closer. Because I want you to love again, Sarah. I want you to feel this again with some you…"

Suddenly, the memories around them began to twist and spiral, fading away as something else took their place. Leiah's words had pulled something else out from deep within Sarah's mind, and before either of them knew what was happening, they were sucked into another memory. Neither could stop it, even Sarah once she realised what it was. She tried to shove it down, to conceal it. Maybe it wasn't too late, maybe she could pass it of as something else. She tried to push Leiah out of her mind, to end the memory that was being forced upon them, but Leiah's hold was too strong and she was too entranced by this surprising memory to let it slip away. She needed to see this memory that had emerged from nowhere, that had popped into Sarah's mind without prompting.

Sarah was stood at the doorway to Stefan's room, staring in. In the room stood Elena in her white dress, staring into the mirror in front of her. Then Elena saw Sarah through the mirror and smiled. Sarah smiled back.

"You look nice," said Elena as she turned around, the memory jumping slightly.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately," explained Sarah, then the memory jumped again.

"I'd have to get turned into a vampire to get your attention, is that what your saying?" asked Elena, a mixture of humour and sadness in her voice.

"No, Elena," replied Sarah as she stepped into the room.

Another jump, and suddenly Elena was saying, "How am I supposed to enjoy it without one of my closest friends?"

"Well, I'm here now. Since it's your birthday and all," replied Sarah with a smile, then another jump.

Now, Sarah was holding out her enclosed hand. "I told everyone I didn't want any gifts." Another jump, to Sarah holding Elena's necklace in her hand – or as she now knew it to be, Rebekah's necklace. "My necklace," gasped Elena upon seeing it. Another jump, now Elena was holding out the necklace to Sarah. "Can you?"

"Of course," replied Sarah, taking the necklace. Another jump and Elena was turned around, facing the mirror with Sarah stood behind. Elena had brushed back her hair, and Sarah has put on the necklace for her. "All done," sad Sarah softly, before Elena turned back around to face her. And then they were suddenly very close. Elena was struggling to say something, her heart was quickening in pace, her breathing flustered, her cheeks becoming red. And they were so very close. So close that they could almost–

The memory finally snapped. Sarah gasped as she came out of it, catching her breath as she hunched over. And then she remembered, she hadn't been the only one reliving that memory.

Slowly, Sarah lifted her head. Her green eyes wide and alert, her breathing still heavy, as she looked to the Original stood before her. The loving, caring, petite and guilty Leiah was no longer with her. Now, stood before her, and suddenly a little more distant, was the cold, stone faced Leiah. With harsh blue eyes that stared into Sarah's panicked green.

"Well, that's interesting," said Leiah cooly. "I thought the dopplegänger was supposed to be dead. And yet, that memory was very recent. From her birthday in fact."

Sarah had to swallow the lump in her throat before she could speak. "Leiah, I can explain."

"Yes, you'd better."

At the new voice, Sarah jumped from the ramp she was sat on and spun around, finding Klaus stood on that very ramp. She hadn't even sensed him, and suddenly now he was stood above her, towering over her with piercing blue furious eyes. "Well, what's going on?"

Sarah was speechless. She'd had something prepared to say to Leiah, but staring up at Klaus now it escaped her. She was drawing a blank, and acutely aware that with each passing second that she remained silent, that it was another damning moment from which it would be increasingly hard to recover from. She needed to say something, anything, otherwise they'd find out Elena really was alive. She had to lie, had to think of something to keep them from finding out the truth and going back and–

"The dopplegängers still alive, Nik," answered Leiah, as Sarah looked back over her shoulder. She was hurt, but only now did she see that Leiah was too. She shouldn't have been surprised that Leiah told Klaus, but clearly Leiah was blindsided that Sarah had kept this news about the dopplegänger from her.

"What?" snarled Klaus, as Sarah swung back around towards him.

"Klaus, it's not true. She's misunderstood–" Sarah was cut off as Klaus jumped down from the ramp, landing with an earthquaking thud before his hand shot out and clamped down on Sarah's throat. He then pulled her in, right up to him so she could feel his hot enraged breath on her face.

"I rather think she didn't," replied Klaus lowly. "Now, we're going to round up your brother, and see what he has to say about this."

Suddenly Sarah was swung around, but Klaus' hand remained around her throat – only now from behind. He then propelled her forward, past Leiah and towards the door of the warehouse. Sarah tried to look at Leiah, to silently beg for help and a chance to explain. But Leiah offered her nothing as she flew past.

Luckily for Sarah, she found her footing and managed to then get the door open before Klaus shoved her through it. "Rebekah!" shouted Klaus, as he stormed through the warehouse, holding Sarah in front of him like a human shield. She tried to pull free, to turn around and get a look at Leiah, but Klaus' iron hold on her neck prevented her from doing much. She couldn't even plant her feet on the ground and stop him, as he moved like a machine and refused to let her stay still.

When they rounded the corner of the aisle, they saw Rebekah and Stefan there, waiting among the coffins. But instantly Sarah clocked that something wasn't right between them. Their body langue was standoffish, as they faced one another. Although they did both look back upon hearing Klaus.

"And what have you two been discussing?" asked Klaus menacingly, still propelling Sarah forward and towards her alarmed brother.

"He was asking about Michael," answered Rebekah, to which Stefan looked to her, then back to his own sister.

"That's fascinating," said Klaus, forcing a smile. "Because Sarah here has just informed me that the dopplegänger, that I used in my sacrifice, is actually still alive."

Stefan's eyes widened further in terror, looking to Sarah in disbelief. Sarah hadn't time to explain, but she did have time to shout, "Stefan, run! Get out of here, warn Elena!"

"You move, Stefan, and she dies!" snapped Klaus, shaking Sarah from the neck. Stefan hesitated. But that was all that was needed for Rebekah to grab him by the head and twist. His neck snapped and his temporarily lifeless body dropped to floor without any fight.

"Stefan!" cried Sarah, before she was once again pulled back up to Klaus' face.

"I'd be more worried about yourself right now, sweetheart," growled Klaus. "Now, you're going to tell me everything, starting with where my dopplegänger is."

"Go to hell!" snapped Sarah, trying and failing to push away from Klaus.

"At this rate, love, you'll beat me there," declared Klaus, before he grabbed Sarah's neck with both hands and snapped it with such force, that Sarah was still feeling it even after she died.