AN: Thank you for the continued support. I appreciate those taking the time to read and those taking the time to still review. Much appreciated.
This chapter contains mature / offensive language and subject matter. I do now own the song / lyrics used in this chapter.
Chapter Seventeen:
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(Bo's POV)
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"I'm not in the mood." I groan out, stuffing my clothes into my bag resting on my chair. My eyes staring up into the mirror to see Terry standing behind me, blocking the exit.
"You've been requested."
"My shift is over."
"You've been requested."
"My shift," I turn to face him. "Is over."
"You don't have a choice."
"Yeah, okay." Snorting, I roll my eyes and go to move passed him.
"He'll kill her."
I come to a stop, turning back around to face him. "What did you just say?" I repeat myself, making my way back toward him. His eyes move passed me, showing some signs of an actual human rather than the repugnant rat he normally looks like. He doesn't need to say anything else, I know now what he's saying.
I throw my bag passed him toward my station, before nodding for him to lead me to him. As we reach the door, the VIP Suite, he looks me over, implying my jeans and pullover are too much. Must be the look I shoot him because he shrugs, knocks on the door once and then opens it just enough to let me slide though. No sooner then I take a step on the purple carpet the door is pulled shut behind me, and I expect to jump at the sound but I don't. All I can think about is the hatred I have for the man sitting in front of me on the hideous couch that I know Terry doesn't clean nearly enough to sit on willingly.
He says nothing, only stares at me with this look I couldn't describe even if I took all the words I knew, and Lauren knew and threw them together. Unable and honestly unwanting to keep his stare any longer I glance to my right at nothing in particular only to find my breath catch in my throat. There she stands, just as naked as she was when she had ushered Lauren out earlier. The jealousy I had felt then that had been lingering around in the back of my mind replaced with unspeakable sadness. Her head held high, chin up as she looks off in the distance refusing to look at me. The darkness of her skin hides several of the bruises I have to strain to find on her arm and stomach, but there's less of a strain to see the swelling around her eye and the trickle of blood coming from her nose, down over her lips.
"Don't." He warns me as my body starts to move toward her instinctively. "The unaligned half-bred succubus."
"I just go by Bo these days."
He smirks. "Do you know why you're called that?"
"Never paid much attention." I lie, my eyes shifting momentarily to Enobaria.
"Because you are the lowest of us all, even lower than the under-fae. They're at least fully fae. You need a human to make your kind." He laughs to himself, as if I'm not in on the joke. "Normally anyway."
"Is that why you wanted to see me, a biology lesson?"
"No."
"Oh good, was worried this would be a complete waste of my time."
"Remove your shirt."
"Excuse me?"
"Come here."
My lips part to tell him to go fuck himself, but without hesitation Enobari walks to him. With a thud she drops to her knees beside him, facing me like some well-trained dog. His hand moves to the side of her face, gripping her roughly. The massiveness of his hand nearly covering her entire face, but his fingers stay below her eyes, allowing her to watch whatever it is he wants. The rage boiling inside nothing compared to the helplessness at seeing her like this. Ever since I met her she was this force of nature, this larger than life force of nature that I could never imagine so submissive, so helpless. Her eyes stay on me, but its as if I'm not even here.
"You're too stupid to know to fear me the way you should." He pulls his hand back slightly and with him her head. "So let me make it clear."
My jaw tenses, chest tightening as it takes everything in myself to keep from doing anything stupid. Nodding to myself, my eyes roll to keep back the tears of anger, as I do as he wants. I pull my shirt off, throwing it on the floor almost childishly. His free hand raises, index finger raised as he does a circular motion and so swallowing every bit of pride I have left I do a quick circle for him. My fists clenched so tightly I'm sure if I had nails the skin of my palms would be bloody.
"Want me to curtsy too?"
His eyes narrow, running down my body and stopping at the hem of my jeans. "I don't know what they see."
"Who?"
"The dog." His lips come to fix into a smirk again. "My Little Bird." The way he smirks, the way he says it, I know he's looking for a reaction. I want desperately not to give it to him, but I can feel my eyes narrow and instantly I know I lost. "The whores in Tanzania have better curves. The whores in Greece better features. And those in Italy better breasts."
"Then you should go there and leave my town alone."
He laughs, pulling Enobaria's head back a little more. "Your town."
"What do you want from me?"
"Nothing." With the flick of his wrist, she's tossed to the floor with such force I hold my breath, not sure if she is still breathing. "As it turns out, nothing at all half-bred." A sigh of relief escaping me louder than intended at the sight of her beginning to move.
"Then what are we doing here?"
The words barely leave my mouth before he has closed the distance between us, trapping me between the door and his body. Suddenly this close he seems a lot bigger and intimidating than before. You could put two Dysons together and still wouldn't be the size of him. Hell, you could put two Dysons and two Hales together and still wouldn't have the same muscle mass. If I had any more sense and not have been nearly as angry and disgusted by him, I'd have run. I know I should be thinking, 'oh shit, I'm about to die', but all I can think about is how Lauren holds her own with him. At least figuratively. The risks she's taken for me knowing the consequence could bring about this very moment.
"So fragile."
"I think I'd surprise you." I stare up into his eyes, mine transitioning to the icy blue I've begun to grow comfortable with. "You don't scare me."
"You're…" He leans down, whispering as his nose grazes against mine. "…lying."
"Am I?"
"You're too young to know what you're capable of child and too stupid to know what to do even if you did."
"And yet you're the one afraid of me."
His smirk vanishes, a growl followed by his hand wrapping around my throat pushing me further against the door. The sound of the wood beginning to crack under my weight. "I'll rip your throat out and hold it up for you to see."
"Then do it."
"You live because I allow it." He leans in, staring into my eyes. "Every breath you take is by my grace."
Tilting my head forward, pressing against his hold. "Then end it."
"Bo stop." Enobaria's voice irrelevant now.
"You're insignificant." He forces a smirk, tilting his head back. "A lost, insignificant, little child."
Impulsivity getting the better of me, or maybe anger I grab the back of his head holding him in place. Attempting to pull the chi from him. Surprising myself and maybe him, I manage to do so for a second before I feel myself going through the door and hitting the wall. With a thud I crash to the floor, a mess among the rubble of pieces of wood and dry wall. The pain a dull ache but as I stare up at him I barely feel a thing.
My hand wraps around the piece of wood it had landed on, hoping it's sharp enough to go through some part of him. The bottoms of my feet plant flat or as flat as they can be atop of the debris, readying the best I can to lunge when he comes toward me. I think Enobaria is yelling something but all I can really hear is the sound of my heart in my chest. My face is burning, my body is burning up but I've never been this focused. I've killed before, but by loss of control one way or another, I've never been ready to do so until now. There is no doubt my every intention is to end this-end him right here and now.
But he doesn't come at me.
Instead, he stares down at me for a long time. He doesn't speak, he doesn't move, he only stares down at me. There's no anger or confusion or anything really, only this blank look as he watches me. And when he finally does move, it's calm. He walks through the doorframe and stops at my feet. Still, he does nothing other than tilts his head to the side, and when he speaks, telling me that, "She won't remember you" there's nothing in his voice. As soon as the words leave his mouth he turns and walks down the hall without hesitation, without so much as glancing back at me.
My eyes stay on his back until he's disappeared and even then, where it once was. Every inch of my body is buzzing, trying to tell me something. Tell me it's hurting and hungry and excited and scared and a few other things I can't sort. Voices come from everywhere. Terry yells something, the girls yelling something and Enobaria is yelling, asking me, "What did you do", several times but I don't quite hear them. Hundreds of thoughts race through my mind like a field of fireflies, but I can't manage to catch one.
That's a lie, I do manage to catch one…she won't remember you.
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(Lauren's POV)
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Death.
It lingers in the air here. It surrounds this place and swallows it whole.
There's nothing else left.
My eyes close, hands gripping the snow laced banister as the wind brushes against my skin. There's a slight sting on my cheeks but it barely garners my attention. It's curious the things we can learn to live with, the things that we can rationalize. An icy breeze, a wind's sting like that of a hazel branch against my skin. They're barely felt anymore.
When my eyes finally open, it's to that of a caw from above. Blinking back several stray tears I tilt my head back looking into the sky to find the culprit, but my search comes up empty. Just when I'm sure I've made it up, it comes again. Angling myself slightly to the right, I look up at the edge of the roof to find him perched on the corner.
Our eyes meet and he falls silent. As if frozen in place, frozen in time we remain stoic staring one another down. There's an irrational sense of recognition. An insane sense of empathy. Beyond logic there's a shared pain mirrored in this little creature. Tears begin to well in my eyes once again as my heart begins to quicken. With another pained cry he flies off into sky, beyond the tops of trees until I can no longer follow him.
One for sorrow.
A pained, half smirk curves the corner of my lips at the thought. I had forgotten what it was like to feel such things. I had forgotten what the death surrounding this place felt like, the weight that it carried and forced upon you like an albatross. I had forgotten what it was like to feel a sense of loss and yearning of something. I had forgotten what it was like to feel all these things as realizing I'd never be able to have more.
I had forgotten what it felt like to be alive.
It's only been moments. The graze of her hand against mine. The brush of her lips over my own. The feel of her presence near me. The curve of her lips when she smiles. The glisten in her eyes when she's hopeful. The sound of her voice. It's only been moments, but it was enough.
Moments small enough I didn't quite catch them before it was too late. Moments large enough that I'll never forget them. Moments drifted far enough apart that I thought it was safe. Moments with enough distance in between that I found myself missing them. Moments are all they are, all we have had but it was enough to make me forget that I'm already dead.
This life, it isn't my own—not anymore.
"Contemplating what freedom would feel like?" He asks, leaning over me.
I can feel his chest ghost over my back, ever so slightly touching with every breath drawn. Leaning further over, his weight resting on me as the side of his face presses against my temple. His hands grab the railing on either side of me, the sides of my own hands just barely touching his.
My heart begins to race, breath held sharply as I see the blood stains over his skin. It's not much, but it's there on both and I can't manage to tear my eyes away. He doesn't move, doesn't speak, only stands here with me. The rise and fall of his chest fall in sync with my own, or maybe it's the other way around. The fear at his presence, at his erratic choice of greeting pale in comparison to that raging inside myself at the thought of who's blood that might be.
I had gotten out on time, didn't I?
He didn't see me there. Enobaria had gotten me out quickly and I didn't see anyone follow me. I had gotten away with it, hadn't I? Dyson, he was still there with her. He'd be strong enough to allow her to run, wouldn't he be? Although the question is, would she run? If he was killing Dyson, would she run? If he was killing anyone, would she run? If Enobaria had stepped in as well, would she run?
She didn't with Julius, why would she have run now.
His head tilts slightly, pressing against my own. "It's not hers."
The words are a whisper, almost slurred as if he's drunk. The comfort at the admission short lived at the fear at his behavior begins to take importance. A single thought now on my mind, is this how I die?
He pulls away abruptly, but there's an unusual sense of calm. He doesn't touch me again or speak, simply walks away from me. I think he's going to go into the manor, instead he ambles down the stairs. Curiosity peeked; I watch. Six yards and he's stepped out of his shoes. Fifteen yards and he's pulled his shirt off, dropping it in the snow. Twenty yards and he stops, tilting his head to the side.
It's a silent call for me, my very own dog whistle—I know it well.
With a deep breath, I remember I'm already dead.
I follow him, no haste in my steps only caution. It takes longer than it should to make it to his side. He starts to walk again and I follow. Thirty yards. Forty yards. Fifty yards. He stops once more, turning slightly toward me.
"Right here." He says flatly.
I look up at him, stray strands of hair blow into my face as the wind begins to pick up, yet I refrain from brushing them away. When staring down a wild beast, it's best not to make any sudden movements, rather not to make any movements at all.
"It was right here I knew you were different." His words are somber, near unrecognizable. "It was right here our path was decided."
"Mutually assured destruction." My words a whisper, meant more for myself than to be an actual statement. However, he smiles as his hand reaches up as his fingertips ghost over my cheek. It's the most affectionate he's ever been since I've had the misfortune of meeting him.
With a half laugh he smirks. "Mutually assured destruction—I like that."
"Is this where it ends?"
His hand comes to wrap around my throat, thumb pressing against the base of my jaw forcing my head up. My eyes stare up into the sky as I wait for to the tears to come. As I wait for this to end. However, he doesn't end it, the grip tightens three separate times, but it doesn't end. High above, out from the top of the trees the crow returns circling high above.
"Run Lauren." His hand pulls away, allowing me to look at his face. "You have a window, as long as it takes me to get to Devil's Creek and back."
I take a step back, heart racing as I come to realize he's dead serious. "I don't understand."
"I will kill her, her human pet and Enobaria. I'm sure I'll have to kill the Santiago boys too, the adopted one is quite attached to her. I won't look for you though. No one will come for you. No one will hunt for you. Go back to your family. Go back to the brotherhood. The choice would be yours."
"It's—that's not a choice."
"You've never had a problem with others paying the price for you, this should be no different." He bellows a laugh, taking a step back and the bizarre trace of softness gone. "Mutually assure destruction."
"You're not lying." I say, a part of myself seriously contemplating the choice laid out in front of myself despite the best of my efforts to push it away.
His eyes meet mine, like the crow's had as he steps away from me. "Go quick Little Bird, it's a small window."
Like the crow he disappears into the cover of the trees. He doesn't run or jog, simply walks off into them leaving me for the first time in a very long time, dumbfounded. It's a game, he enjoys his games, but I also know he isn't lying. These are the rules, his rules and the are no loopholes. There isn't enough time to go and get her, convince her to come with me. She'd have to convince Kenzi too, and that would take longer. Not to mention Dyson and Hale. Even Enobaria.
There'd be no time to do it all—and that's only the logistical problem. Even if I could get to her, to them then I'd have to convince her. Convince them. It would take time, too much time. That's even if she would. And even if I could get her and them to come, then he would follow. His rules are explicit, they always are. I'm allowed to go, free—not them.
I could make it out of here well before he ever got back. I could be free before he ever reached the manor. It would be over. I would be free. Alive and free and away from this world. Back to the land of the living. I could learn to be alive again and even if I couldn't, I'd still be free.
I could make it.
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(Bo's POV)
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My eyes run over the island or rather my remaining options atop of them. Jack and Julio had made an early exit but Mr. Walker and Mr. Smirnoff had managed to hang around. The Halloween festive shot glasses Kenzi had picked up recently that had started the party with me having been discarded around the time Julio had vanished. The regular glass that I'm still not sure if was clean but was big enough for a proper drink had been discarded when Jack disappeared. Tipsily my hand hovers over the top of my remaining suitors. Tall, dark and handsome or tall, rugged and flavored.
Choices.
Free hand beginning to tap on the island to the beat that begins as the song changes. "I'm perfection when it comes to first impressions. Well, I romanticize and then I get to stressin'." I sing along, my feet tapping to the beat.
Now it's a party.
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((( You know I get too caught up in a moment - I can't call it love if I show it - I just fuck things up if you noticed )))
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Grabbing the Smirnoff bottle, I slide off the stool. A little bit of the liquid splashing back against my lips as I stumble a step. Taking another swig, footing more secure, my other hand pulls my phone off of the island, finger tapping the back button, beat beginning again as I start to sway letting my body feel the beat. And when the words start, I do this again and then again until I've swayed my way into the living room. Another swig and flick of my finger. This time when the beat starts, I slide the volume up all the way before tossing the phone on the couch.
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((( Well, I'm perfection when it comes to first impressions – Well, I romanticize and then I get to stressin' – Big brain like I'm teachin' it a lesson – Baby, it's a blessin', yeah – You got me thinkin' that I was too mean )))
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Unapologetically swaying, my eyes close as I take another two swigs. It's a little dizzying but a little freeing at the same time. A dangerous mixture that I let wash over me, letting everything else fall away except the base heavy beat that's carrying me far away from here.
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((( Well, everything that I say, I believe - Tuck a knife with my heart up my sleeve - And change like a season, reason for nothin' - I am disruptive, I've been corrupted - And by now, I don't need a fuckin' introduction )))
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My eyes open to find Kenz walking into the living room, her eyes narrow. The expression written over her face far too serious. "It's Kenzi!" I let out, dancing my way over to her, taking another drink as I grab her hand with my free one, pulling her back to my dance floor. "Let's dance!"
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((( Now, I'm wonderin' if I ever wanted to hold you - It never mattered if I owned you - 'Cause you'd let anybody with a body control you - And you know it too - You got me feelin' like I been too mean - And everything that I say, I believe )))
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Selfishly I take one more drink before offering her one, which she oddly hesitates but takes one anyway finishing off the bottle. She starts to turn away to put it down on the table, interrupting the fun, so instead I pull it from her hand and toss it on the couch. Her eyes widen before narrowing making me laugh, her and serious just don't mix.
"Bo, what are we doing here?"
"Dancing!" I laugh, taking both of her hands in mine and pulling her along with me.
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((( Tuck a knife with my heart up my sleeve - And fuck like a demon, do it like nothin' - I am disgustin', I've been corrupted )))
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She half heartedly dances with me, but she's far too serious. Killing the vibe, I pull away from her, going back to dancing by myself hoping my lead will be a good example for her. Instead, I hear her ask, "What's happened? What's wrong?"
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((( And by now, I don't need no help to be destructive - I been gone, yeah, I been on this road too long )))
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I try to tune her words out, listening to the lyrics. Moving with the beat I let my eyes close again, desperately trying to catch the feeling from a few minutes ago. The feeling of freedom. And definitely trying to ignore her "what's wrong" which leads to his, "she won't remember you" which leads to a hundred other things I'm trying to pretend haven't been said to me recently.
"You know I get too caught up in a moment. I can't call it love if I show it. I just fuck things up if you noticed." I sing along with the song as my eyes come to open.
Trying again, desperately wanting her to join me in my carefree fun. Giving one last ditch effort I sway back over to her the way I would Dyson-the way I want to for Lauren. Normally it earns a laugh and some face but this time she just stares at me. Undeterred I take her hands in mine again, pulling her toward me, trying to get her to dance the way she loves to.
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((( You know I get too caught up in a moment. I can't call it love if I show it. I just fuck things up if you noticed. - Have you noticed - Tell me, have you noticed - I get too caught up in a moment -I can't fall in love if I show it )))
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"Babes," Her eyes dance over my face as she rips her hands from mine, griping my face in her surprisingly tight grip for such tiny hands. "What's happened?"
I shake my head, trying to break free. "I just fuck things up if you noticed. Have you noticed?" I sing, but the tears in her eyes make it sound more like an admission. Her eyes glass over, thumbs brushing over my cheeks oddly.
"I-I think I fucked up Kenz." My voice breaks, weird tightness in my chest making itself known as I realize she's brushing my own tears away.
"It's okay, whatever it is we'll get through it."
"I don't know that anymore."
"Yeah, well I do dummy."
"I'm so lost Kenzi." The words barely make it out of my mouth before I collapse against her, the two of us folding to the floor. My voices breaks on every word and I know I must look so foolish but I can't manage to control the tears. I can't manage to catch my breath. I can't manage to find some sense of composer. "He was right. I'm lost and I don't know what I'm doing."
"Who? Dyson?" She pulls back, looking me in the face. "I'm gonna murder that mangy mutt and bring you his pelt."
A smile manages to make it through the tears. "Cunningham."
"This is one of those be-kind-rewind moments."
"It doesn't matter." I sniffle, looking away from her trying to blink back some of the tears mercilessly falling. "I should have left. I never should have stayed. Everything that's happening-"
"You mean left me."
"Kenz-I didn't mean it like that."
"Then what did you mean?" She scoots back now.
"You would have been better without me. Look at where we are Kenz. Look around. If you think that we're safe, that you're safe, then you're lying to yourself."
"I would be better off, or you would be better off…without the human weighing you down?"
"Kenz?" I wipe the tears from my face, scooting back myself now as she moves onto her knees readying to stand up. "You're twisting my words."
"We're supposed to be a team."
"We are."
"You know your big head wouldn't have made it through that warehouse hell thunder dome without me."
"I know."
"You wouldn't have made it through grandpappy Frodo drama without me."
"I know."
"And the Dyson drama? If it wasn't for me, you'd be a complete and utter wreck. He'd probably have you off in some cave somewhere feeding him kibbles and bits."
I can't help laughing. "I know."
"We're a team Bo."
"I know." I nod, reaching over and taking her hand. "I know."
"Then tell me what's happened."
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(Lauren's POV)
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Sometimes the worst cages we find ourselves in are the ones without bars. The ones that allow us just enough freedom to delude ourselves into believing we can accept the conditions in which we find ourselves. Sometimes I wonder if I was to find myself back in a cage, a literal cage anyway, would I find some sort of solace.
I wonder if I would know some kind of peace then.
"You're trespassing." I say flatly, arms folded over my chest as I watch her march up toward the house.
Her steps come to a halt a good ten yards from me, she doesn't speak, rather shrugs her shoulders making sure there is no mistaking her impetuousness to the situation at hand. In the obscured pale moonlight, it's hard to make out the exact outline of her features now, but there's something off. Not quite as off as the night she had found her self-control slipping away, no, she seems collected enough.
However, calm on the other hand could be argued. Still she doesn't speak or move, just stares up at me from the same spot she had come to stop at. Her hands remain buried in her jacket pockets and if I was to bet, I would venture they were balled into fists by the way her shoulders slightly arch forward. She certainly came her looking for a fight of some sort, but now I'm not all too sure it is with me.
I think she goes to speak but the sound of a distant howl pulls her attention. Too quickly she looks away, toward her left out into the mixture of darkness and trees. Now I'm certain she came looking for something more than our patented brand of passive-aggressive discussion. She's too on edge, too alert.
"If you leave now, they might not tell him you were here."
"Will you?" She snaps, attention returning to me.
"Do you want me to?"
Her lips part to answer, but only silence follows.
One howl turns to duo and then a trio and then a quintet. They're close, but not close enough make me worry. I would have to scream for them to come and I have no intention. Her unspoken and fairly decently hid fear at their presence only further highlights how little she knows of this world. The wolves here are watch dogs, nothing more unless necessity called for it.
"I didn't think I'd find you here."
"Where else would I be?"
"Gone." She says flatly.
My lips curve into a smirk, jaw tensing. "Still here." I shrug just as she had.
"Why?"
"Mutually assured destruction."
"W-what?"
"Nothing." I almost laugh to myself, rolling my eyes. "He isn't here."
"Where is he?"
"I don't know."
"You're lying."
This time I actually let out a laugh of sorts as I nod. "You're right."
"Stop protecting him."
"Is that what you think I'm doing Bo, protecting him?"
This time she doesn't answer, rather takes several steps forward further closing the distance between us. When her steps come to a halt now she's no more than a yard away from the bottom step. I think she thinks that being better able to see the scowl on her face, the tightness of her jaw and tenseness of her body that I'll roll over. However, two things work against her, the first being that the clouds continue to obscure the already dim moonlight and second being that people who actually wish to harm me stare me down every day, she has no real intention.
"I don't know what you're doing Lauren." She says my name in a way and I can't quite describe why it irks me, however, it does. "I never do."
"Does he know you're here?" My own petulance getting the better of me. For a moment she looks taken back, as if the soapbox she had been standing upon lost some of its stability. "His collogue, it carries."
Rolling her eyes, she looks back into the trees. I hadn't actually intended to indulge in petulance, honestly, it's my least favorite quality of hers so here I find myself being a hypocrite. However, at this distance coupled with the continuous gusts of wind the lingering traces of his scent carries. I don't think I've ever smelled perfume on her, and whatever scent she does use is very faint, easily overpowered, especially when he wears so much of his own.
"It's not—he's having a really rough time right now."
I laugh. "Aren't we all."
"Do you care?"
"That he's having a hard time?" I shake my head. "Not particularly, no."
"Little cold Lauren."
"I'm sorry, I have a hard time finding sympathies for someone who sees me as property."
"Yet you stay here, with him."
I snap, "Go home."
Coldly she laughs, rolling her eyes at me, or at least I think she does. Shaking her head, as if trying to contain herself she turns her back to me. There is a brief moment of hesitation before she starts to walk away, my own irritation only seeming to be agitated by this. Still I manage to remain silent, a voice in the back of my mind reminding me of something called composure. My arms fall to my sides as I angle to turn back inside, however I find myself turning right back around as I find her storming right back toward me. Although this time she doesn't stop at the bottom step, respecting a boundary that shouldn't be crossed for a multitude of reasons.
"You don't want me." She snaps, her voice raised but shaky. "So, what does it matter if I'm with him?"
Peculiarly enough I find myself taken back, entirely caught off guard. Rather it be that she had turned back around or at the speed I was unaware she possessed. Or maybe it was more at the fact she crossed the boundary I had thought she understood had to remain. It also could have been the lack of composure in her voice abruptly. Quite possibly it could have been her words, the question she spews at me with such distain and assurance at an answer I never gave her.
However, despite all of this, I think what catches me off guard the most is the fact that I actually find myself needing to exhibit self-control of my own from replying to her crass and careless accusation. Moreover, despite silence is all that I offer as a response, there is far more said in my mind on the verge of spilling over. Things—feelings that I was less than sure I felt prior to this very moment.
Sure, that I have enough common sense and rational to speak calmly I start to speak only to be taken back by her the second time tonight. Her hands grab the top of my shoulders, thumbs on my collarbone. The grip itself is tight, however, non-threatening. now She must be feeding more regularly. The thought paining me more than I care to admit.
Her eyes narrow, head tilting slightly forward as her jaw tenses enough that I am slightly surprised I don't hear it crack. She doesn't speak despite her lips parting. Anger is written all over her face, entwined with her features, however it's different now. I can't quite place it, or exactly why we're in this position.
"W-what…?" The words barely make it through her clenched jaw, her nostrils flare slightly. "He did this?" Tears well in her eyes, followed by a cold laugh as she rolls her eyes, looking away from me. "Of course, he would have killed anyone else who dared to touch you."
"Oh." I let out, realizing she's noticed the bruising over my throat. "It's fine Bo."
"This is fine to you Lauren?"
"It's not, it's not what you think it is." My eyes fall to her arm, unable to meet her eyes. "This was actually done in a moment of, kindness." It's hard to justify the logic, the realities of my world as she stares me down the way she's doing.
"Kindness?"
"His strength, it was unintentional." I trail off.
"This isn't okay." Her hands move up to my cheeks, forcing me to meet her eyes. Whatever she intends to say changes, because her lips part once again, however only silence follows.
After a moment her features soften slightly. The grip of her hands, while not painful relax. She's managing to gain control of herself. With a deep breath, then rigidness of her muscles lessens. My hands come up to wrap around her wrists, I think I intended to remove her embrace, yet somehow, I believe it's now me who is keeping her from pulling away.
I want to tell her how stupid she is for coming here, regardless of whatever half-cocked intention she had. I want to tell her that this petulant behavior is going to wind up getting her killed despite my, Enobaria and Dyson's best efforts. I want to tell her that even as much as it pains me selfishly, I am happy she's feeding more and coming into herself. I want to tell her and it's amazing how she managed to control herself just now, how it only proves what I told her on the roof.
Above all I want to tell her that it matters—it matters that she's with him.
It matters that she's with him, with anyone. It matters because I can hardly bare the thought. I want to tell her the truth, that I'm selfish. I know I can't have her, this can't be but I don't want anyone else to be with her. I want to be able to tell her how I feel, rather I want to be able to actually be able to know how I feel. I want to be able to convey what she wants—what she needs.
However, it's not me.
So, I manage to settle on gripping her wrists, refusing to let her go for the moment.
"Why did you come here?"
"I-I needed to see-."
"See what?" My eyes dance over her face, lingering on her lips.
"If you were still here." She tilts her head in slightly, jaw tense as she restrains herself from closing the distance between us. "I'm going to stop him." Her words spoken with nearly enough conviction that I could almost believe her.
In a whisper, I end any chance of what I truly want. "You can't." Perhaps hurt, she pulls away somewhat abruptly.
"You don't know me, Lauren."
No—it's me she doesn't know.