The next morning they had a meeting with Tsunade scheduled. It promised to be a tedious, administrative affair and Neji did not feel up to it after the night he'd had. Of course he hadn't slept a wink. Even meditation hadn't helped settle his emotions. He'd tried several times to close his eyes, take a step back and just note all the different emotions that arose in him but it was hopeless. They rolled over him like a tsunami. This hadn't happened to him during meditation since he'd been a boy. There were just too many different things going on inside him to note separately.
Last night after Tenten had disappeared into the bathroom for a disproportionately long time, he'd leaned against the closed door and asked:
"Do you want me to wait again?"
"No."
"I'll sleep in the den."
He hadn't heard from her, so he'd just grabbed something to throw on and had gone to sit on the sofa that was way too small for him. That's where he'd spent the night.
Ten minutes before they were scheduled to leave that morning, Tenten emerged from his bedroom. She was wearing clothing Sakura had left for her here on some occasion and it accentuated her femininity in subtle ways, which was in stark contrast to Tenten's demeanor. She was her bossy self as she gave instructions for them to pack up a lot of things they had used during mission prep - drawn maps, command sequences, anything that was connected to their endeavors the last few days.
At Tsunade's they were supposed to establish a plan to make this entire mission appear as though it had never happened and as though the weapon had never existed. It was ironic because currently they were pretending as though nothing had ever existed between them. Again.
ttt
When they arrived, the Hokage proved her shrewdness with one astute observation.
"You two seem to get more awkward around each other every time I see you. Is Neji really that difficult to live with?"
"Not at all, Hokage," Tenten answered before Neji had a chance.
"Maybe he's just not used to the bossy you," Tsunade suggested.
"Why does everybody keep complaining about me being bossy and different?"
"Maybe they miss the old you," Neji suggested.
"Correct me if I'm wrong but at this point in time they hardly know me," Tenten held against this, referring to Sakura and Naruto while ignoring the meaning that had nothing to do with those two.
"I miss the old you because I can boss the old you around."
"Well, you can't be bossy with this Tenten."
"Maybe I want to be bossy. Maybe I like bossing you around. Maybe bossing you around is what I look forward to all day. And I'll hate to have to give it up."
"O-kay," Tsunade interjected before their argument got any more heated. "I don't know what's going on here and I'm not entirely sure I want to. Is any of this relevant for making this weapon disappear?"
"No," Tenten stated through clenched teeth.
"Alright, how about we just focus on the potentially time-changing weapon here that is so dangerous it might destroy the future."
"Yes, Ma'am," they both said.
"We also need to discuss making you, Tenten, vanish again. I've hardly been getting any sleep, trying to figure out how to get you back home. I think I might've found something that'll work."
Cold, hard fear gripped Tenten's throat. It took real strength not to look at Neji.
"It's a very complicated jutsu," Tsunade continued. "But I'm trying to learn it. If you don't disappear all on your own, we'll relocate you to my home soon, so I can perform some tests on you. I also think it's important that Neji and everyone go back to their regular activities as soon as possible. I get the feeling playing with time is very similar to playing with fire."
Tenten felt herself nod although she couldn't remember giving her nervous system the command to do so.
"Here are the time jutsu scrolls I've been consulting. Maybe, Tenten, you could take a look at them and tell me whether anything jumps out at you."
Tsunade added an even bigger paper pile to the already considerable mount. When they all just stared at all the paper, Tsunade made it clear she wouldn't get her hands dirty.
"Ok, I'm going to need all this stuff filed, so I can lock it up. There's a special safe that's only for Hokage stuff. I think it might be the right place for a weapon of mass destruction and time travel as well as anything that pertains to either."
Tsunade took a look at the mountain of paper and then the place where they'd stored the weapon.
"I can't wait for that thing to be in the safe. Although I'm not so sure what to do with the powder. You said it has a predilection for combusting. There's a lot of paper in that safe… I'll have to figure something out."
Tsunade looked bone-tired for a heartbeat, as though being responsible for everyone and everything were getting to her, but then she was her usual self. Decisively, she said:
"Take one guess at who gets to do the filing."
ttt
While Tsunade left them to go about her daily business, the two warriors were left with all the administrative tasks. Tenten could tell at several glances that the time jutsu scrolls drew a blank. It also didn't take Tenten and Neji long to go through the papers and sort them. What took more time was writing explanatory summaries of events for any future Hokage to read, so they would understand everything that was in the papers. While working on one such executive summary, Tenten asked out of the blue:
"What did you mean with you'll hate to give up bossing me around?"
"Since you arrived I realized I shouldn't be in charge of you. In fact, I've already set wheels in motion to no longer be group leader."
"I'm sorry you hate it so much."
"That was stupid of me to say. I don't hate giving up being your group leader… I hate… I hate that not being in charge of you means we'll have no relationship anymore."
"I can't help that. Maybe you should've been a better group leader in the first place."
"I guess I deserved that."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Why were you always so abrasive when we still worked together?"
"You already know the answer."
Neji thought she must know it wasn't ethical to be in charge of someone one felt so strongly for. It wasn't good for either party. He could see Tenten still wasn't satisfied though. He suspected their conversation wasn't really about the past. She already knew all about his inhibitions. Neji suspected she was secretly asking a different question. About how he was able to hurt her so.
"I have trouble seeing you as a full person sometimes because you frighten me so much. Everything about you provokes a response in me and the response is so hefty that it makes me obsess about it. About you. You just become this dangerous thing. Are you… are you sure I never lash out at you … you know, before I die?"
Tenten nodded, solemnly, then said:
"Maybe you get it all out of your system now."
That stung.
"I'm so sorry."
"You already said that."
Then she turned away from him, continuing with her brushstrokes as though nothing had occurred. He wouldn't let it go.
"It's not an excuse."
"What is?"
"My apology."
"Be a little less cryptic here, Neji, m'kay?"
"When I said 'sorry' I meant it but not as an excuse. Everything I said was an explanation but I need you to know, it's not an excuse for how things happened."
"What happened is exactly what I intended to happen."
Neji thought about how intentional her movements had been, how she'd turned him on, gotten him to stop thinking, how she'd spoken about 'explosion'.
"Yeah, but it shouldn't have."
"You have no idea what should or shouldn't happen. Remember, you know almost nothing, whereas I know everything."
"That's not how I meant it - Besides, you don't know everything. You can hardly remember what you do for a living! You're just holding onto anything that makes you feel in control. Trust me, I know a thing or two about that."
"Don't presume to know me more now just because we've slept with one another."
"I don't. I presume to know you more, because I've known you for more than half your life - yes, even you, you're not that far in the future - and I can tell I hurt you and it doesn't matter whether you expected it to happen that way because I know I should've handled it better. Since even before you arrived I've been realizing that I'm not the healthiest of people and if I want a life - a real life, that is more than just pain and loss for myself and others - then I need to deal with my feelings in a different way."
"This is so unlike you. I can't believe you and all this psycho-babble."
"That's not what it is, Tenten. You can't ignore feelings. Even if you don't want to act on them, you need to accept them because they're not going anywhere."
"Are you talking to me?"
"Do you see anyone else here?"
"I have absolutely no trouble with my feelings."
"That's a lie." His voice was dangerously low. For the duration of several seconds Tenten felt like her former self again, helpless in the aura of his intense authority. Then she snapped out of it and she was herself again, telling him to shut the hell up. Then she left him with the paperwork and walked away.
ttt
Aimless. There was no better word to describe Tenten's wanderings through Konoha. Perhaps 'dangerous' would be another one because someone might see her. As soon as the thought caught up to her foggy mind, she slid into the shadows. Of course it was day and considerably more difficult to become one with the dark spaces of a city. She wished she hadn't left Neji back at Tsunade's in anger. Then he could have driven her back to his home in the back of the cart they had used this morning to hide her. But she really couldn't face going back there.
Then Tenten remembered the cape that was still at Neji's. She'd worn it on the mission and she was quite skilled with the clothing item. She still only had vague memories from her job but she knew she infiltrated countries and made sure to obtain dangerous weapons and have them and their building plans disappear mysteriously before they could be used to start wars and such. Presumably a hooded cape came in handy in that line of work. After she obtained it, she could walk around a bit more freely in the city and merely gave the impression of a stranger visiting Konoha. She went to all her favorite old places.
She visited the old training grounds, where she'd spent the majority of her youth and parts of being a young adult. Then she went to her favorite restaurant, where she remembered meeting her Neji after they had stopped working together. Knowing what she knew now, the memories were even more painful. Neji was right about one thing; one couldn't just will feelings to cease. You were stuck with them, whether you wanted to or not. She went to a few more places just to remember, prepare herself for her return home where these places still existed. Only Neji didn't exist anymore.
On her way home, another eerie event occurred. Tenten ran into herself. Thankfully, she didn't bump into herself like Neji did the other night but the young woman caught her eye because she seemed to be on the same path as Tenten. Tailing someone who looked exactly like her gave Tenten goosebumps. Thinking about how she might remember this moment, now knowing that she'd been followed by herself was almost more than her aching head could handle. Time-travel was not for the cognitively disinclined.
Tenten had been correct in assessing her younger self's path. She had been headed to Neji's. As her younger self stood and waited for Neji to open the door, Tenten made sure to stay hidden. She half-hoped Neji was still at Tsunade's but she'd been gone for a while and she was disappointed. Neji opened the door and Tenten had to hear herself speak.
"I just came by to hand in my last mission report. Sorry it's late again."
It was awful. She sounded way too high-pitched, inexperienced, and just… wrong. Neji however sounded familiar.
"It's fine."
"Really?"
"No, but it'll have to do since I can't… turn back time. - And make you hand it in on time."
"Ok. Great. I'm happy you're not mad. Also, Lee wanted me to ask when you think you'll be joining our regular training again. Do you know for how much longer you'll have to play Tsunade's errand boy?"
"No. It might actually be a more permanent position."
"Wow… I guess… Are you getting a promotion?"
"Perhaps."
"I was actually also thinking of doing different kind of work. Not at a higher position, of course. Obviously I'm not getting a promotion. But just something other than the team mission work."
"Be sure to inform Lee and fill in the appropriate transfer forms. You can pick them up at-"
"Thanks. I'll figure it out, Neji."
"Ok. Was that all?"
"Yup."
Tenten saw herself stand still for a second but then her younger self turned away while saying bye.
Neji stayed with his door open until future Tenten had made it unseen inside.
"How'd you know I was out there?"
"I just do. It's so freaky being here with you like this. While she - I mean you - are just right out there. It's messed up."
"Yeah."
"How am I going to go back to the way things were once you go back to wherever the hell you came from, Tenten? I can't just force this intimacy onto her because even though you're the same person you're not. At least not right now. And once you are her, it's too late because I won't be …. be anyone anymore."
"Yup. You summed that up pretty good."
"It sucks."
"Sure does."
Tenten felt as though she and Neji had a moment of understanding. It prompted her to say:
"Come here."
And so their fight was nearing its end.