Between the Lines

"Good, you're still here. Have you seen Louis, because I have some news and I -"

She can see it all so clearly. Walking up to him, cutting him off as she seals her mouth over his, her hand gliding over his shoulders before raking into his hair. His shocking melting into a soft sigh that sounds a lot like finally as his lips start to slowly move with hers, his body following hers as she -

"Donna!"

Her whole body jolts into reality, shaking her head animatedly to clear her thoughts.

And then she's moving.

Moving from her perch on the window's ledge to her desk, gathering her things and shoving them haphazardly in her bag. "Harvey, I need to go." and while her movements are frantic, her voice is flat, robotic almost.

"You - what? Did you hear a goddamn thing I just said?" he's staring at her lie she's absolutely lost her mind and, hell, maybe she has. "I need you right now."

That word stops her in her tracks. That word he uses so often with her. Need. She's realizing she needs to, and her needs are not something he's willing, or able or free to care about.

"I can't, Harvey. I can't be here. I can't do this. I need to leave."

"Donna. What is going on? Are you...are you sick? Is someone hurt?" He keeps throwing out questions, each one met with a sharp shake of her head. "Why are you rushing around like the building's on fire and why won't you look at me?" he steps in and grabs her arms, effectively stopping her in place with a firm tone belying the gentle hold he has on her.

There's a spark and she knows he feels it; sees it in the way he winces with a sharp inhale he tries to cover.

"Harvey." and fanfuckingtastic, she can feel the tears building despite the rest of her feeling completely numb. "God, please, for once in your goddamn life, I need you to understand without me explaining things to you." She's stepping away again, leaving him standing in the middle of the room, his arms dangling uselessly at his side like he doesn't know what to do with his hands without her in them.

He looks so lost, but she can see a little bit of understanding mixing with the confusion on his face as she starts pulling her things from her desk and throwing them into the handbag he grumbled was "way too goddamn big" when he gave it to her for their last work anniversary.

He watches her move, the panic rising in him. "Did I do something wrong?"

She meets his eyes swimming with hurt and gives him the most heartbreakingly resigned look.

"No, Harvey, you didn't. But I almost did. And it would've ruined us. So I need to go. I need you to let me go."

"Donna, I don't understand what's happening here."

"Harvey." she sighs. "Do you love Paula?" and she's not sure why she's asking, she doesn't really want to know. And, for as much as she knows him, she doesn't know that answer to her own question and that terrifies her even more.

"I - what?! What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"It has everything to do with everything, Harvey. Do you know I almost kissed you tonight? Your goddamn puppy was preaching about speaking up before I lose my chance and Louis was waxing poetic about losing soulmates and I could feel you, us, slipping through my fingers. And then you walked in and I thought if I just walked up to you and kissed you, put it all out there, you know? Then at least I'd know. I'd know for sure how I felt. I'd know all the years of waiting and failed relationships were worth it."

"Donna, I -"

"But you would've hated me. You would've hated that I made you the one thing you never wanted to be. And I would've hated myself for it. But I still wanted to. I've wanted to every goddamn day for the last thirteen years and, I love you, Harvey, but I cannot do this to myself anymore."

He's fairly certain he stopped breathing about the time she referred to them as an 'us'. Confusion and fear and hope all swirling in his chest, but it's frustration that makes it's presence first known.

"So you're just going to leave."

"I'm not just anything, Harvey. The decision may be sudden, but the feelings are not. I love you, you love Paula and I want you to be happy. I want you to be so fucking happy and, for a long time, I thought that happiness could be with me. I thought all of the 'I love yous' and 'it bothers me' followed by 'that doesn't mean' meant you just weren't ready and you needed me to wait, but I was reading between lines thatt weren't there. You were telling me to let go and I was hearing 'hang on'. And now you have Paula."

"Donna." he breathes out.

"Please let me finish or I'll never get this out. I see how hard you're trying with her and I see how much you want it to work and I don't want to get in the way of that. She's your person now."

"You're my person." he insists. Desperation coating every syllable.

"Harvey."

"You have always been my person. You don't get to rewrite things to try to make a clean break, because that's never going to happen with us, Donna. We've been in each other's lives for too long."

"Harvey, our lines have been perfectly clear for a long time." she pushes back.

"Yeah, because you fucking drew them! You'd don't get to just leave when shit gets hard."

"That's really easy to say when it's not your heart getting ripped out of your chest!"

He visibly flinches, like the sheer thought of hurting her causes him physical pain.

"Do you think I want to leave?! Do you think I want to have to give up my title, the firm...us? I don't. I hate this, but I don't see anther way, Harvey. I will not ruin this for you and have you resent me for it."

"Donna, I could never -"

"You never answered my question, you know?" Do you love her?"

He stares her down, challenging her to give up; chalk this up to one of their moments to be filed with all the others they don't talk about and move on. But she doesn't budge and he relents.

"I - no." he sighs. Looking frustrated and relieved all at the same time. "I think I wanted to. I think she was an easy out, someone to project my feelings onto without risking anything. It sounds...awful when I say it out loud, and it's not fair to either of you, but I think I wanted to love her because then I didn't have to acknowledge how I felt about you. And if I didn't acknowledge it, then I didn't have to risk it."

"And how do you feel about me?" She asks quietly but she's unrelenting in her push for answers. Her expression unreadable.

"Donna. Why do we have to-"

"You know what, Harvey? Never mind. I know how this goes. You say just enough to drag me along but never enough to really say anything. You have no problem talking about your feelings when it comes to Scottie or Zoe or Paula, but with me-"

"Because it's YOU, Donna. You're you. I mean, jesus christ, in what world would I deserve you?! You're smart and intuitive and gorgeous and caring and so goddamn warm you feel more like home than my condo ever will. You're fucking breathtaking in everything you do and you stand by my side and push me and support me no matter how many times I fuck up. I never understood why you stuck around to begin with, why would I ever think you'd want more than this?!"

"Harvey." Her eyes wide and glassy, astonishment clearly written on her face. "I told you I wanted more. And maybe I couldn't put into words what that meant, but I have always wanted you, Harvey. And no matter what I had decided more meant in that moment, it was never going to fill the void in my heart. And, to be fair, the second I said I wanted more, you were half way to Paula's house."

"Donna – look. I don't have an excuse for that. I panicked. I was scared."

"Of what 'more' meant. That 'more' meant us and us meant taking the biggest risk because, god, I cannot lose you. And I know I've held you at arm's length, but it's because if I give in to what I really want, I'm going to fuck this up and lose you for good and that will end me."

"Harvey." she breathes, eyes glittering with tears. But as she goes to say more, he stops her.

"Before this goes any further, there's something I need to do. But, Donna -" He closes the distance between them, capturing both of her hands between his. "I need you to promise me that you will not leave. Because, I swear to god, if you do, I will search every goddamn corner of Manhattan for you, got it?"

"The dramatic scene once you found me might make that worth chancing." she jokes, reminding him that they're still them.

"Donna." And there's something about the way he rolls his eyes to hide his amused smirk that gives her confidence that they're going to be okay. Still, he must see the lingering shock and hesitation on her face because he brings her hands up to his lips.

"I'm scared shitless. You're everything to me and I don't want to fuck this up, but I have never been more sure of anything – anyone – in my life. I'm am ready to in this...are you?"

She nods gently, leaning into the warm palm that sweetly brushes a stray tear from her cheek. "I am, Harvey. I'm in."

The temptation to lean into her is just too strong, so he pulls her hands into his chest, their foreheads gently bumping together.

Knowing he needs to end things with Paula before this can go any further, he shifts, laying a kiss to her temple with a whispered, "I'll be back soon."

She nods again, squeezing his hands as he steps back, his cautiously optimistic eyes making contact with her own; a slow, steady smile stretching across her face.

"I'll be here."

-fin-