Canon in D

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story. This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons dead or alive is purely coincidental.

"Dr Ahn, Dr Long's temporary replacement has arrived. It seems that she's a compatriot of yours."

Ahn Jeong-won, late of South Korea and some unknown location in East Africa had his back to the nursing aide, his attention completely taken up with the newborn in front of him. The symptoms weren't promising but it behooved him to put on a brave front. In acknowledgment that he had heard the call, he muttered an obligatory comment, "Ah… sure, Tara. Be with you as soon as I can."

There was of course no chance of that happening any time soon. The infant was in desperate need of serious attention while the mother was sobbing pathetically fearing the worst. The youthful mother of the 3-week old baby had been hysterical as she stumbled into the clinic but seemed somewhat calmer now that the expert was at hand. Her child had hardly been feeding for a day. Now she seemed to be nothing more than a lifeless doll.

"Why is she not moving, Doctor? Is she going to die?"
"She is having difficulty breathing. It's a rare respiratory condition."
"Can you do something? Please… she can't…"

The young mother broke into heart-rending sobs. She looked devastated.

"Maybe I can help. I have had some experience with newborns in my previous posting."

As soon as Jeong-won heard the voice, his head instinctively swung in the direction of the speaker with a violent start. Certainly it was unusual to hear one's own native tongue in such an environment. But what was more startling was that he had never in his wildest imagination expected to hear that familiar low drawl right in a middle of this man-made disaster area.

Not her… surely… It can't be.

As he looked up, he gasped involuntarily. The bespectacled woman with a short bob bowed in the customary way among those reared in their culture.

"Professor Ahn, it is good to see you again, sir. It's been a while."

"Andrea, what can I do for you? You asked to see me."

"Father Dominic, yes, thank you."

"What's the matter? You look troubled. Have you been sleeping?"

"I… I… really don't know how to even start this conversation."

"Start at the beginning. That's usually how it works."

"The problem is… I don't even know where that is."

Father Dominic shot the younger man a shrewd look and examined his troubled, conflicted eyes.

"I really thought it was what I wanted. My whole life… I thought I wanted this. I believed that this was God's call for my life"

The younger man rambled on nervously averting his eyes.

"It's a woman isn't it?"

For one brief moment Andrea, his eyes wide open, reeled in shock and then relaxed into a wry smile. "Is it that obvious?"

"Usually when a trainee comes to me having with cold feet, it's usually something along these lines. Besides, your brother asked me to keep on eye on things. He and I are old friends."

"I don't know why I'm even having second thoughts now. It's ridiculous. I told her…"

"What did you tell her?

"I told her that this was from God. It was my calling. That I could never be with any woman."

"Did you like her?"

Andrea nodded sheepishly. His eyes were gradually turning red, tears welling up.

"Quite a lot, I imagine." The older man observed sagely.

"I said a lot of things I probably shouldn't have. I… told… lies…" came the reluctant confession.

No words were exchanged for many minutes. Only the ticking sound of the clock on the mantlepiece could be heard.

Ahn Jeong-won watched mesmerized, as he watched her work and finish the cleaning up. A veritable work horse. As always. If he ever deluded himself that he was over her, just having her close by demolished that fantasy in one fell swoop. His heart was racing in a way it hadn't since they parted ways. For fear of losing control there and then, he walked out of the clinic taking in deep breaths wondering how she happened to be here. How he was going to cope with having her around. He ran as far as he could to forget everything. And yet here she was on his doorstep.

Of all the hell-holes on God's green earth… she had to come to this one.

If this is your idea of a joke, God, it's not funny. Not funny at all.

He was so completely lost in his thoughts that he did not hear her gentle footsteps moving gingerly towards him.

"Professor Ahn, are you alright?" She was looking at him in concerned fashion. "You don't look so well."

"I'm fine." Jeong-won took another deep breath. "And it's just plain "doctor" please. We're not at Yulje anymore. Here there are no distinctions."

He had so many questions. Foremost was why she was standing next to him in this run-down clinic out in nowhere.

"You must be surprised to see me here." She seemed to be reading his mind. "The not-for-profit foundation that I'm a member of sent me to this location. When I got there they said you were short-handed here so I volunteered. It's only for 3 months "

"The world is smaller than I thought."

"Professor Lee Ik-jun assigned me here. He is on the board of that charity."

"I see."

That idiot. So this is his doing. When I get back, I will personally knock out all his teeth.

Dr Jang seeing the annoyed look on his face quickly went on to explain herself.

"I had no idea. Professor Lee said nothing. I was surprised to see your name too when I arrived at headquarters but not entirely surprised that you would be volunteering in such a remote area. It is exactly like you to do something like this. And it's nice to see a familiar face."

"Always a glutton for punishment apparently. Nobody else at HQ wanted this job so I put my hand up for it."

"You're a humanitarian, Pro… Dr Ahn… always have been. Although… I…" She surveyed him carefully before saying quietly,"I just thought you'd be working for a church."

"Oh that." He almost snorted. "It didn't work out." His words were tinged with bitter irony.

"Oh. Sorry to hear that." She averted her eyes. A tension was building up in the space between them. "You were so… so… determined."

I was and yet… here I am. Here we are. Talking like strangers.

Regret washed over him like a bucket of cold water.

"Are you well… Gyeo… Dr Jang?"

"I am better." She said slowly in a voice he didn't recognise.

"What happened?" He face softened immediately as he noted the slight distress in her voice. As his protective instincts kicked in he momentarily lost his inhibitions.

"My mother passed away last year."

"I'm so sorry to hear that. My condolences. I really liked her." It all came gushing out before he could stop himself.

A wall of silence sprung up between them. That last statement was a reminder of what had almost been and what could have been. They were both transported to a particular time that both were trying to forget.

"She liked you too."

He recalled taking her home after a night of drinks with the ER staff. She was somewhat drunk. He took her home. Before he realised it, he was taking her home with increasing regularity. The older lady of the house made him stay for tea, then it was meals. At first it was out of politeness and then he wanted to stay. He remembered it all like some beautiful nightmare he didn't want to wake from. Here she was, as large as life, not a dream standing only inches away. He fought an overwhelming urge to embrace her. He turned away abruptly and tucked his arms into his trouser pockets.

She mistook the change of manner for discomfiture.

It was a mistake coming here. I'm making him uncomfortable.

"Dr Ahn, please be honest. If this is too much of a burden for you, having me here. Given our history… Just say the word. I'm sure the administration will find a replacement."

"It's not… a burden. Not at all." He checked himself for sounding too eager. "We're lucky to have your skills here."

"You're too kind."
"I'm not saying anything that isn't true. It's been a while since we've had a real surgeon around here."

"Why now? You've been here a while now."

"I don't know to be honest. I suppose… I tried to make a go off it but I hate feeling like a hypocrite. How can I take my final vows in my current state of mind?"

"Why did you come here, Andrea?"

"To be honest. I don't know. I thought once I got here, everything would be clear."

"But it hasn't become clear?"

Andrea shook his head meekly.

"In fact it's become worse."

"Yes. At the hospital we were always busy and I could put it all to one side."

"Distractions are good for a while."

"It's my fault. I let things go as far as it did. I forgot myself. I led her on…"

"I thought you liked her."

"But it was wrong of me."

"Why?"

"I was headed for this place… here… all of this."

"Were you?"

"What are you saying?" Andrea looked confused.

"You assumed that being involved with that young lady was a mistake and becoming a priest is what you were meant to do."

"Assumed?"

"What if the opposite is true?"

Andrea let that statement sink in. The prelate continued on his train of thought.

"It's commendable to want to serve God. That is true. But there are many, many ways to serve God without having to wear these robes."

"But Saint Paul and our Lord…"

"Yes, but there are millions of the faithful who marry, have children and bring them up in the ordinances of the church."

"I wanted to do something for God."

"It's good that you have that desire. But have you ever considered what it is that God wants to do for you?"

"I'm not sure I've ever thought about that."

"Andrea, let me ask you this. What would you like to do? If you weren't here right now where would you be, what would you be doing?"

The younger man fell silent as he chewed over the questions. Gradually a smile spread over his face from ear to ear.

"Back in South Korea. On my knees begging her to forgive me and if she will have me, to marry her."

Jeong-won and the nursing aide, Tara, watched the children playing tag with the newly arrived doctor.

"Where does she get all this energy? A full day in the clinic and she still has the energy to run after the children," commented Tara.

"One time at the hospital she chased after a father who had abused his sons from one end of the building to the other. She was always full of surprises."

"You two work well together."

"We were colleagues once. A hard worker through and through. There's nothing she wouldn't do."

"I don't know, it's more than that. It's like you're in tune with one another's rhythms. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were dating."

"I wish." The doctor was so transfixed by the scene in front of him that the words tumbled out of his mouth without hesitation.

Tara shot him a knowing look.

"Oh you do have a history?"

"If you can call it that."

"Do tell."

"There is really nothing to tell. It's a sad tale of missed opportunity. Blew my chance with her. Then she met someone else and had his kid. That's the end of that sob story.

"Really? I am surprised to hear that."

"Why?"

"She never talks about having a husband or a boyfriend or anything like that."

"It doesn't mean anything."

"True. But a woman always talks about her family. Besides she only has pictures of her niece and her mother on the bedside table."

"A niece?" A thought occurred to Jeong-won.

"About a year or two years old, I'd say."

His mother bellowed over phone. Andrea was expecting the blowback of course but luckily she seemed to be taking it reasonably well.

"After what you put me through, you want to come home? You will be the death of me!"

"Sorry mum. I just realised that this wasn't for me."

"Only just? How did you ever become a doctor?"

"Give me a break, mum. We're all entitled to a few little mistakes."

"Little mistake? On what planet?"

"Anyway, I'm taking the next flight out. I thought you should know."

"Thank you for being so kind on my heart. I'll pick you up at the airport."

"Ah… don't worry about that." He hesitated. "I will catch a cab. I'll be going to see someone straight from the airport."

"I see. Would that someone be the reason why you're coming back so suddenly? I'm sure it isn't because you're concerned that I'm all alone."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Mother."

"Would that someone be that mousey girl with glasses that meticulously removed the anchovy heads so well? The one you were pretending not to like but brought home anyway under some pretext."

"Mother… really!"

"Well, it would have to be. Almost anything is better than you becoming a priest. Apart from Song-hwa I didn't think there would be anyone else. I approve."

"I don't think you should get your hopes up too much, Mum. Eighteen months is a long time. I'm not even sure…"

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

It was dark except for the twinkle of lights in the night sky. Dr Jang Gyeo-ul was sitting out in the verandah scratching the muddy deck with the sole of her right shoe, wondering if she hadn't been too impulsive coming to this place. A part of her had been pleased and excited to see him but the other part of her had been apprehensive at the reception she'd be getting. Things went down much better than expected but it was inevitable that things would be awkward between them. But Dr Ahn was always a kind, polite and civil man anyway.

Three years ago she was sure she would never see him again. She remembered with a pang or two how every single word he said to her that day stung painfully. Why she had stupidly allowed herself to hope she didn't know. Everyone had warned her that there was no competing against God. Min-ha had counselled her to move on. But like a thirsty debutante languishing in the heat of a desert dune she latched on to every bread crumb, every act of kindness as if it meant something more. It was only later that she realised she had been a first-class fool. How could someone so great and with such lofty thoughts have room in his heart for someone like her?

What was Dr Ahn doing here… was the great mystery to her. Apparently he didn't become a priest. Professor Lee hadn't told her anything about him. He didn't even tell her that Ahn Jeong-won was here when she signed up for the three months stint. Dr Lee must've known when he suggested in no uncertain terms that she should make her way here. At the time she hadn't thought too much about it. Any change of scenery... anything was better than hanging around in Seoul.

While she was contemplating matters relating to Ahn Jeong-won, the man himself made an appearance and quietly sat down beside her. It was some time before she noticed that he was right next to her.

Before she could get up, he gently touched her on the shoulder to remain seated.

Both sat in companionable silence before Jeong-won initiated the conversation.

"Are you finding it hard? It's probably not what you're used to."

"It's okay. I was in the Philippines last month so this isn't as big a shock to the system although the facility there had better equipment. But I came expecting this. Everyone in HQ wished me luck and some of the staff there were taking bets about how long I would last out here."

"I'm sure they've been playing the same game with me."

"Don't worry. They have." was the matter-of-fact response.

Dear God... I have really missed you.

"You've been doing a bit of travelling."

"Yes." There was a pause. "I needed to get out of the country for a while. Things were too depressing."

"I am sorry to hear that."

I wish I had known. I wish I had been there for you. I should have been there for you.

"Don't worry. It's getting better every day. Being here like this, it's good for me. Keeps my mind busy."

"Have you been alone all this time?"

"My friends have been good to me. Chu Min-ha, you know. My brother and my sister-in-law. But I don't mind being alone sometimes."

Jeong-won felt a seedling of hope gradually rising from within. Perhaps this was providential after all. An opportunity to set things right at last. His timing had so far been lousy.

"Is there no one else in your life?" He tried his best to sound nonchalant.

"Someone else? You mean…"

"Like a boyfriend or a husband…"

Gyeo-ul shook her head. "You know what it's like. Work is too busy. I don't have time for it."

Dr Jang was wondering where Dr Ahn was going with all this. He was being oddly personal.

"I am surprised. But I am glad."

"Glad?" She turned to him unsure of what to make of this turn in the conversation. His speech had suddenly turned informal.

"Gyeo-ul, there is something I want to ask you."

Before she could process what was going on, he had gently taken her hand that was within reach. The sudden warmth of his touch sent shockwaves of pleasure all through her. At this point her head was spinning, thinking that this was all some weird dream.

"Can you give me another chance…"

Before the good doctor could say another word, someone had coming running into the compound. A breathless and anxious voice pierced into the night.

"Somebody help my mother. Please! She's sick!"

Author's Notes:

It's a bit rough I admit but I had to get it out there to minimize the sleepless nights. I skirted the medical stuff as much as I could but will take any advice I can get on that front.

Not sure if I should keep going but I have ideas. It feels like I should but we'll see. Thanks for reading.