authorsnotes: whats this? an update? what?
omg I am so sorry this took so long, pls accept my apologies for being rubbish. I fell out of love and writing with this story for a loooong time and really struggled with the ole writers block on this one. still! not to dwell, here is an update!
I do hope you enjoy, forgive me, fav (as new chapters will be quicker I promise!) for updates, and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!
songrecs: exile - taylor swift, bon iver (can you believe I haven't updated since folklore and evermore were released, oh boiii they'll be used some more to inspo this fic!)
Jaime has said they needed to be careful, and he had meant it.
The days following their run from Harrenhal they are exceedingly careful.
They stick to the edge of the road and if Jaime so much as sees anyone, he rides them straight into the forest. They avoid inns, they keep their heads down, and Sansa spends most of her time now facing Jaime on the horse, head buried in his chest, hood up. They sleep deeper in the forest with a fire smouldering to stop predators, and they creep from place to place.
It works, they don't see a single Lannister, but it adds hours and hours onto their journey. She doesn't mention that though – better the journey take double the time than they get caught and hauled back to Kings Landing.
She's been thinking about that, as they trot down the Kings Road, making their way into the Riverlands, she thinks of what would happen if they are caught.
She knows now she still has enough use of a hostage. Likely they'd keep her alive, marry her to another Lannister and keep her under lock and key, any hope of any kind of freedom gone. Her cage would be much, much smaller, any hope of ever escaping gone. She'd spit out a few heirs under duress and then they'd kill her.
With Jaime she's not sure what they'd do, and that scares her more than her own prospective fate. Would they hurt him? Exile him? Kill him? She doesn't think so, Tywin Lannister won't see his heir sent away or killed. She imagines they'd send him to Casterly Rock. Away from her, as good as dead to her, probably to never see her again.
That makes her feel worse than the prospect of her own prison. She thinks if she is to be caged, if they are to be caught, she at least hopes Jaime is close by.
She spends too long thinking about that, about them being ripped apart, about losing Jaime. Her sleep suffers, and she feels so jumpy on the road that if she even hears a twig snap, she flinches. She knows Jaime is anxious too, for he is tense and practically draws his sword at any disturbance.
They are both tense, terrified, understandably so. They almost got caught, and they still could, hence the tension and the caution.
Six days after the run in at Harrenhal and they are making their way down the Kings Road again. It is sunny, and her head is tucked into Jaime's chest, her hood up to conceal her hair. She clings to him as he urges the horse forward, and she lets out a sleepy yawn. She has been so nervous of recent she sleeps more on the road than at night.
"Tired?" Jaime asks, they don't talk much on the road now, she is often falling asleep, Jaime always on high alert.
She nods, and he does, tucking her a little closer before continuing on with the horse. She knows Jaime isn't getting enough sleep, surviving on next to none to keep a constant watch over them both. She feels safer with him keeping watch, but she doesn't want him to suffer.
"Jaime, are you tired?" She asks and he shakes his head, but she knows that is not true.
"I could keep watch you know" He laughs at that and she at least counts it as a win that he is smiling, though at her expense! "I could" She sounds a little indignant and he laughs again, she lets out a little giggle as well. It was nice to laugh when things have been so tense.
"Are you going to protect us my Lady?" He mocks, and she rolls her eyes, he so does love to mock her, though she knows it is good natured.
"I can protect you" Her giggles fade then, and she finds herself repeating herself, "I can"
He smiles then, but it is no longer mocking, but kind, "I know" He drops a kiss atop her head then and tucks her back into his chest, "Get some sleep my Lady, this part of the road is too rocky to run, we'll trot, and you can get some rest"
She almost protests, wants to keep him awake with her company, but he pulls her closer, and the warmth and the comfort of the embrace send her right off into sleep.
She awakes a few hours later and the road continues. Jaime urging the horse into a slow, gentle trot with the road here so worn. The sun has crept behind the clouds a little and rain threatens on the far horizon but for now it hasn't come to them. No one else is around, things are quiet, and Jaime even seems a tiny bit more relaxed, less tense, and she feels better for some sleep.
"Good sleep?" She nods but doesn't move, still tucked in, too comfortable to contemplate moving.
"Where are we?" She asks, for this space is so open, and since they are no longer stopping at inns she finds it hard to keep track of just where in the Riverlands they have wandered too, though being in her Mother's country is a comfort she wants to know where they are.
Thankfully Jaime is a good navigator.
"We'll be coming on the Trident soon" His face darkens at that and she knows she looks less than pleased as well, they are at a crossroads of sorts … and literally.
Even Sansa with her basic knowledge of the area knows that now they either go along the Kings Road, into the Vale and over the river, or deeper into the Riverlands, all present concerns, some more than others.
"Isn't the Kings Road the fastest?" She asks, "But the most dangerous?"
Jaime nods at that and even seems to grip the reigns a little tighter, as though expecting they would reach the Kings Road at the Trident in minutes and the danger would begin, even though they were a good day off the main crossroads.
"Yes" She can see him glance around then, but thankfully the road remains quiet … for now. "It is the quickest way North, but also the busiest, the Vale would be the safest but also the longest, the Riverlands would be a good compromise, if not for it being ravaged by war"
A pained look crosses her face she knows, she may have far more connection to her Fathers homelands rather than her Mothers, but it still hurts her to think of her Mothers country ruined so.
"So, the Road then?" She can hear the nerves in her voice, and Jaime gives her a small, strained smile, she can tell he is nervous too, in the line set between his brow, and she reaches up a hand to smooth over the line, feeling a little guilty for putting it there.
"Yes" He said, giving her a strained smile, clearly trying to ease her worry by pretending his own were eased, "The road"
The road it is, and they proceed with caution.
Jaime keeps them close to the treeline, until the forest makes way to river and distant mountains, flat fields, and no coverage. She feels more vulnerable, more exposed, and tucks herself in closer to Jaime, feeling her own heartbeat in her ears. Her hood basically covers her face, hiding her bright hair, her pale skin.
Once they're out in the open there seems to be less people, but there's a smell to the air, and bodies are common. The river looks clean and flowing, but she can see splashes of blood, burnt fields and there's something to this section of the road, it feels ominous.
But Jaime is vigilant, tucks her close to him, holds the reigns firm and is always ready to speed up when necessary and slow to give the horse a rest. They make a good pace, eating up miles of road as they hurry through the day, trying to put more and more distance between them and Harrenhal.
Her stomach squirms when she thinks of what happened at the old, burned Castle … and for more than one reason.
On one hand there had been the guards, the fight. She remembered the hands of the bandits on her arms, trying to drag her away. She had felt powerless in a way she hadn't felt in a long time. Jaime didn't make her feel that way, not anymore. He protected her, but she remembered what she'd said about protecting him. It felt that way now. She didn't feel powerless anymore.
But at Harrenhal she had, terrified she'd be ripped away from Jaime, from her chance home too. And now? Now she felt nervous about who could be following, and that they were known.
She glanced up at Jaime as he slowed to a trot, the sky darkening. He seemed tense, brow furrowed looking around, always alert, he had the same worries as her.
And then her stomach was fluttering for a third reason. There was the fight, the chance of being followed and then …
That kiss.
She touched a finger to her lips, her cheeks darkening as she thought about it.
He'd kissed her like a man terrified to have her ripped from his arms. He'd kissed with a fierce force, pulling her close, hands at her waist. It had felt like embers of a flame were smouldering between them, catching heat and burning them both. She'd felt fluttering in her stomach, and a whimper had left her lips as he'd pulled her close. She'd never felt quite so treasured, or safe.
Her mind kept going back to it, remembering the feel of his lips on hers. It hadn't been gentle, but nor rough. It had just been fierce, passionate, and she never wanted to be kissed any other way.
Or by anyone else.
'Life is not a song sweetling, someday you may learn that, to your sorrow'
She knew she was letting her mind run away with her, like a song … but she couldn't stop it, and she didn't want to. She'd suffered so much; couldn't she have a fairy-tale? Just for a little while?
A sudden stop caused her mind to jolt back to the present and she lifted her gaze to Jaime, who wasn't looking at her, but past her. She went to turn but his hand was up, quick as a flash, tucking her back in, and she followed suit, knowing if he were hiding her, there must be a reason.
"Jaime?" She whispered, and when he didn't shush her, she continued, "What's happening?"
"Burning ahead" He whispered back, and then she saw him glance right. Her heart skipped as she realised what he meant, there was burning ahead, possibly raiding, somewhere they most certainly did not want to be. Her hands, usually in her lap lifted up to clutch at Jaime's tunic, nervous, bunching up.
Jaime didn't make her feel powerless, but sometimes their situation did.
She thought again as to how lucky she was to have Jaime, to not be doing this alone, and only clutched him closer.
"What do we do?" She whispered, and flinched as they took back into a trot, but this time faster, and they'd turned, not back the way they'd came but veered to the right, where Jaime had glanced. Where was he taking them?
He didn't answer her though, and she knew to keep quiet, if he wasn't answering there must be a reason. The speed kicked up and Sansa wound her arms around Jaime then, slightly worried she'd be bucked off.
It was silent for several more minutes before they came to a slow, and she realised Jaime had been riding them forward hard, harder than she thought. Her fingers were digging into his skin, the wind whistling past them, her eyes squeezed shut, before the stop was quite abrupt. She was sure hadn't breathed for minutes, and it was only Jaime gently prying her fingers from his tunic that made her realise they'd stopped.
"It's okay" He said gently, and she shook herself a little, nodded and pulled back to look at his face, that little flutter in her stomach present again before his grim expression had her nerves back up.
"What is it?" She asked, still whispering.
"We can't go forward, but there's no coverage here" Jaime said, not quite whispering but quiet.
Sansa glanced side to side then, could see they were still on the same stretch of road, just off to the side. Fields extended in every direction, almost no coverage from the elements or passers-by.
"Are there any inns nearby?" She asked, and his nod told her that wouldn't be happening.
"Too risky, if anyone followed us, no, too dangerous" He confirmed, and she nodded too, but she didn't know what else to suggest, and Jaime for once seemed out of answers.
"Either we go deep into the Vale, which lengthens our journey, and by a lot" He paused then, frowning, "Or we ride past the burning, we risk it"
Her eyes widened then, and Jaime took her hands in his, clearly sensing her distress.
"Which is best?" She asked, she didn't want to make this decision, didn't feel equipped too.
"I'd ride past them" He said, and she could have predicted that. Jaime didn't shy away from danger, he often laughed at it, but with her present it was different. She felt a spike of shame at her cowardice before internally scolding herself. There was nothing to be ashamed of what had kept her alive.
"You should choose" She said simply, because it was true, she felt that way. She didn't know what was best here, Jaime did. "I trust you" She said, bringing her gaze to his, her blue eyes meeting his green, a sad, soft smile on her lips, fear quaked in her, but she tried not to let it rule her, "Completely"
That was no lie, she did trust him, completely, with everything. She wasn't sure when it had happened, her reluctant truce with him turning to complete faith, but it had, and she wouldn't be blind and ignore it.
She had got this far in trusting herself as much as she could, she wouldn't change that now said trust extended to Jaime.
His smile lifted her heart, and he nodded, before leaning in to place a kiss to her brow, gentle and sweet, to which she leaned in, a sigh of relief at the comfort leaving her lips. His hand on her cheek was gentle, his kiss soft, and she felt a warmth spread through her, like a fire gently blossoming across her heart, warm and safe.
"Then we ride past" He said and tucked her back closer. She wound her arms back around his waist and nodded. "Stay close to me, hold on tight, don't look, move or speak, just keep your head down and we'll go fast" He said, as he turned them back around, towards the burning, towards the danger.
She felt a sudden instinct to flee, like a rabbit in a trap but she only nodded against his chest, fighting that urge down. She trusted Jaime, she did, but fear pounded in her heart.
"I won't let anyone hurt you" He promised, as he urged the horse forward.
She nodded again, but her heart continued to thud. It wasn't that she didn't trust Jaime, she did, completely, but she wasn't sure anyone could promise her that, not anymore.
Though, she knew, if anyone would fight to stick to it, to never break that promise, it was the man who had her bundled in his arms as he rode towards the smoke.
sooo thoughts?
this update is short I know and 'gentle' in that theres not tons of plot, but I wanted introspective sansa here and then more action next time!
I do hope you enjoyed, I am shifting more towards sansa pov, but jaime will continue to be present. also we will see more soon, kings landing is coming back around asap!
lemme know your thoughts, I love a good review, fav/follow for updates and thank you for sticking with me! love y'all.
speak soon