This story is my second story ever written and first one to be posted online, first crossover so I do apologize for my poor writing skills. This story is a crossover between Batman and Deadpool. The plot is very dark at times so please be warned that there is morbid humour, sexual references, and killing as both Deadpool and Joker are very mature audience oriented characters. I shall try to keep it clean but I must give warning, this is Deadpool we are talking about.
Chapter 1: This Dark Day
Finally, home after a long trip; Deadpool stood in front of the angry brute that was Wolverine and thought to himself, "man that place was weird," that was when he remembered one thing. "Oh shit, I left the stove on," Deadpool shouted as he left to go to the kitchen only to have his guts slashed out by the adamantium claws of the big brute.
"Dammit! Wade quit talking crazy and explain where you were," Wolverine yelled loudly at the man in red and black spandex. Wolverine was angrier than ever that this buffoon of a man was out of his sight as he was told to watch over him by Charles Xavier.
"I already told you, I was in this city called Gotham. There was a guy running around in a big bat costume, some crazy ass clown and some jackass that dressed like me," Wade told Wolverine, who wasn't buying the story at all. How could he believe what had happened? Deadpool just got pushed out of some portal, hears voices in his head, and breaks the fourth wall.
"Did somebody call for a wall break?" Deadpool asked the author. "I can explain what happened. I mean, I was there."
"No, Wade. This is my story, and I will tell the audience about what happened," replied the author.
It started like this, Deadpool was in the jungles of Wakanda, searching for Black Panther when all of a sudden he began falling into the ground. Deadpool began laughing, "hahaha weeee the classic leaves over a pit trick gotta love it," when the area around Deadpool became a pitch black, "Oh shit," he yelled, "Mommy get me out of here I hate the dark," he said as he began crying.
"Is that really how you plan to portray me?" Deadpool asked, quite annoyed with the author. "You really are going to make me look like an idiot in a story about me? I have standards you know."
"Hush it, you. You will look like a badass later right now we just need something funny." The author replied.
An eerie and dark light then began to show under Deadpool's feet. "No! I don't want to go to hell! Satan will steal all my chimichangas!" He yelled out and fell down into a city, hitting the edge of a building on the way down. The city was dark, disgusting, putrid, and crime filled.
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. I, the great Deadpoolio did the unthinkable. I wasn't in Kansas anymore, you guys. You see, I was in a place called Gotham. Go ahead, author, and tell them more about my story," Deadpool interrupted as the author began to type a bit furiously now as the knowledge that Deadpool can flip the script however he likes begins to eat at our great author. "Awe I'm sorry buddy I didn't want you to get all mad at little old me," Wade said with a little southern belle accent.
After two hours of being unconscious Deadpool begins to come to, the smell of gunpowder in the air giving him a happy smile. "Ah, nothing like waking up to the smell of gunpowder in the mornings, now all I need is a chimichanga and all will be perfect," Deadpool says as he holds his head, "Ah! Now, what the hell happened and where the fuck am I!?" Before he could get the answer two muggers walk up to Deadpool and point a gun at his head, "Give us all your money," one mugger says as Deadpool begins laughing. "What the hell do you think you're doing laughing here? Either give us your money or get your brains blown onto the ground."
"Come on, bub. You can do the easy way or the hard way, but either way we're getting your money," the smaller mugger said behind his larger friend.
"Oh, this is going to be good," replied the merc with the mouth as he looks towards the readers. With a gun to his head and Deadpool not replying the mugger decided to shoot Deadpool right through the skull. With the regeneration ability that only Deadpool has he stood there and laughed as the mugger in fear began to shoot at him unloading his full clip. "Awe.. No more pew pew pews? That's too bad. I was having fun." Said the merc in his casual joking way, that became a bit more serious towards the end.
"What are we doing just standing here? Let's just kill them and move on," Said the psychotic voice in Deadpool's head.
"You got it, buddy." Replied our anti hero merc as he pulled his katana's out of their sheaths on his back, they were nice and sharp from the time he spent on them with his wet stone so sharp that you could see the gleam of light coming right off the blades, and put both of them right into the abdomen of the mugger and pulling away from himself horizontally letting the muggers guts fall right out of the front. This sight scared the second mugger so bad he ran away with piss running down his legs. Deadpool stood there laughing to himself as he watched the scared mugger run away, listening to the voice in his head. "Well that was fun," he said to himself, "What else should we do now?"
"I believe that it is ideal that we try our greatest to figure out a way to get back home." Said the logical voice in it's typical scientific monotone.
"Where can I get me some chimichangas?" Deadpool asked as he began to walk around searching for somewhere in which he could grab him a bite to eat. While walking he noticed an alleyway labeled "Crime Alley" and smiled. "Ooo, this means more pew pew doesn't it?" Deadpool asked, "I'm in!" He then shouted and began walking down the alleyway only to get stopped by a group of goons, little did he know that they were working for the clown prince of crime. These goons had a hold of a kid and his parents. As the sun began to fall there became a chill in the air, no not of the cool autumn breeze but of the fact that the bat was going to be there soon. Deadpool looked at these goons and laughed swinging away with his katanas at the goons who chose to attack, killing them one by one slice by slice until suddenly Deadpool saw a figure dwelling within the shadows.
"Shit, it's the bat." Said one of the goons.
"Let the kid and his parents go," said another goon as he ran with the others.
"Awe, party over so soon?" Deadpool said with a little bit of a whininess in his tone.
"Why are you here Slade?" said the figure stepping out of the shadows as the goons ran for their lives, it was none other than the Dark Knight himself Batman.
"Uhm? It's Wade," replied the merc in a confused tone. "Who are you batshit?"
"Who are you?" Batman asked as he pinned Deadpool to the wall.
"I'm your friendly neighborhood Deadpool guy?" replied Wade with a bit of confusion but calmness, he hadn't been treated like this since the last time he worked with Logan. "Now can I leave? This place looks worse than momma June doing hot yoga." With that comment Batman decided to punch the man in red and black right in the mouth, making his nose bleed underneath the mask.
"Why are you here?" The Dark Knight asked in his husky whispery voice, hoping to intimidate the merc.
Deadpool looked at Batman and smiled, "Let's kill this batsuit wearing idiot and get back to our lives." Said the psychotic voice, obviously getting to the mercs head.
"I don't know why, or who the hell you are but I am just trying to get my ass home. Now either you let me down or no more chimichangas for you mister." Deadpool replied with a smirk, only to get punched right in the jaw again and again.
"How did you get here?" Asked the man with the suit like a bat on.
"I don't know, I was dropped here by some portal." Deadpool replied again only to get punched again. "Ok now you're starting to piss me off, let me go or this will end badly for you buddy." this time Deadpool was seriously pissed.
"Don't lie to me." Said the Batman in a bit of anger as he punched Deadpool again to which a kick to the groin was returned.
"Don't grab me like that again bud, I'm not into BDSM," Deadpool said as he got the other man's hands off him and pushed him to the ground. "Now who are you and where is T'Challa?"
"What are you talking about?" The Bat asked short of breath and with less sound in his voice.
"Where is Black Panther and how the hell did your city get underneath Wakanda?" Deadpool asked as he picked his katanas back up and kept them pointed towards Batman.
"I don't k-" Batman said but was stopped by the blade that was now just mere inches from his throat.
"I suggest you answer me or I will be watching you die slowly in my arms bleeding with my in eyes." Interrupted the Merc, this time way too bloodthirsty. "I have killed fuckers like you before and I'm not afraid to do it again. Now tell me, where is T'Challa and how do I get back to Wakanda?"
"Master Bruce, it appears as though some portal has just closed from above Gotham." Alfred said in the earpiece under the suit that Wayne was wearing.
"I can get you home," Bruce said in a super husky voice, unable to breath out of fear of cutting himself with the sword at his throat. "Just let me go."
With this Deadpool put his Katanas back in their sheaths and looked at the bat, "Explain what's going on." Said The Jumpsuit wearing Vigilante with a bit more of a calmness in his voice.
Batman finally stood back up onto his feet and looked at Wade, "I found out how you got here so all I will need is the time to come up with a plan and you can get home," he said, "I may not know you but as long as you are here you better not get yourself into any trouble otherwise I don't think I will be able to help you home."
"What are we doing listening to such a fool we should have just killed him when we had the chance, less annoyances that way." Said the psychotic voice, obviously trying to coax the man of unpredictability back to killing the man that stood before him.
"This is a very interesting way to go about this," said the voice of intelligence, "now Wade continue to be on this man's good side and we can be home safe and sound."
"I'm in," said the Merc with the mouth, "under one condition… We stop to get chimichangas on the way."
After calling the Batmobile Batman hopped in the driverseat as Deadpool stood there looking at the shiny, black, futuristic car with a bat lifted in release on the doors. Deadpool hopped into the back seat and began feeling the softness that was the leather cotton mixed seats, shining but at the same time oh so soft, black with a yellow lining. "Alfred we are on the way to the Batcave, make sure that this weirdo doesn't escape there is something about him that could help me with the portal you mentioned." Batman said with Alfred on a holographic video call in the front of the batmobile.
"As you wish, is there any information you have received on your new 'friend'?" Alfred asked in a confused tone of voice.
"Not yet, we will run tests on him and figure out everything but after that we need to figure out a way to keep him out of the public eye." Bruce replied
"Testing? I sure hope it isn't math because I suck at that," Deadpool interrupted, "oh and by the way if you want to do the other kind of testing make sure you use the big needle I heard that can be really hot."
"Shut it and get back there," Bruce said in a threatening tone, pushing Deadpool into the back seat at the same time. "We will be there soon Alfred." With that last sentence he hung up the call and continued to drive through the streets of Gotham City. He tried to avoid criminals as much as he could but inevitably failed as shots were fired into the back tires of the batmobile, causing it to slide off the side of the road.
"Woah what the fuck was that?" Deadpool asked as he rolled around the back seat.
"Batman, it looks like we have trouble. Slade has gotten a group of goons together and he seems to be targeting you." Barbara Gordon said to Bruce in a calm frightened tone of voice.
"Oh hell nah!" Deadpool said in a sassy southern black woman voice. "Ain't no way momma gonna get her joyride interrupted by some jerk shooting out no damn tire huh uh!" With that Deadpool grabbed the hilt of his twin katanas and jumped out of the car slicing and dicing every enemy that stood in his way causing blood and guts covering the smooth grey concrete before getting shot right in the skull by the sniper that wore blue and orange, it was Slade Wilson also known as Deathstroke.
"Interesting, it seems as though Batman has made a friend that is not afraid to kill." Slade said from the top of the clock tower in his calm and casual voice. "He shall make for an interesting target." With that Deathstroke stood up and stepped away from his shooting perch. "We have a very unique target on our hands whatever backup you plan to bring abort, I shall take care of him."
"It appears as though we are unable to track the location of Wade," a bald man in a wheelchair said to himself, it was none other than Charles Xavier. "Logan it looks like Wade has disappeared from our sensors, based off the knowledge I have received he was on a mission from Steve to find T'Challa search for him and bring him here because I believe Nick would also like to have a word with him."
"I'm on it," said the man is yellow blue and black, "I shall figure out a way to Africa and be on my way." With that he hung up the call, "Wade you idiot you only had one job and now I have to clean up your damn mess, I swear if you are not dead you better be talking."
"Ow, son of a bitch," Wade said in a little pain from the sniper shot, "whoever did that is going to pay." With that he continued his onslaught of slicing and dicing pushing through the pain before getting near the bell tower only to get shot in the gut as Deathstroke stepped out from the shadows of the bell tower with a pistol in his hand.
"Are you going to come with us quietly or are you going to be needing force?" Slade answered with no effect on himself with the words he said.
"Wait a minute," Deadpool said and began examining Deathstroke's suit, "you're cosplaying as me ain't you?"
Hearing the words Wade said forced Slade to shoot him in the gut. "Wrong answer," Slade said as he then began to use the butt of his sniper rifle to knock Deadpool out, "bring in the crew we have a new hostage on board."
Batman finally making it to the bell tower only to get hit from behind causing him to fall to his knees. "Why are you here Slade?" he asked in pain.
"Why you ask Batman," Deathstroke said in a calm voice as he walked around the man in the costume, "simply to put an end to your legend once and for all. No longer will the Green Arrow be able to call upon his friend in Gotham when necessary. Never again shall Robin be calling out to daddy in the middle of the night."
Soon everything began to become dark for Bruce when all of a sudden Slade was knocked down onto the ground as Batman saw the brown leather jacket and back of the red helmet and knew it was none other than Jason Todd, aka the Red Hood. Jason began to punch Slade repeatedly in the jaw with lefts and rights sitting on top of Deathstroke's stomach, almost as if he was a UFC Fighter, before finally headbutting him to knock him out. "Bruce are you alright?" Jason asked in concern to which Bruce nodded and passed out.
"He will be fine Jason," said Dick Grayson in his classic Black and red Nightwing suit, "he's just a little shook up from Slade's actions. He should be fine in about four hours."
"Well what about this freak?" Jason asked with his Red Hood helmet off.
"He's fine now oddly enough," Grayson replied in a bit of a concerned confusion. "I don't know how but he got to one hundred percent about a half hour ago."
"Is he a Kryptonian like Clark?" Jason asked also confused but confident in his reasoning.
"That is what I thought until we did DNA tests on him, there is no way he is Kryptonian but there is no way he is a normal human," Dick replied still confused "we're going to have to do some more tests on him and figure out this guys situation, if we can use some of his DNA we could rid the world of any medical threats."
This is all I have for Chapter 1 and it has been a while since I first made this chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed the read