Hey guys! I know I should be updating my fanfic "When the Sun Comes Up", but I couldn't get this idea out of my head. Plus I have a bit of writers block in my head. This story will follow Meredith's infamous pick me, choose me, love me, scrub room scene. I hope you enjoy. This will be a multiple arc fic told mainly from Derek's point of view. I'll try to update as much as I can, but I am a full time nanny and I got to nursing school, so my life is hectic to say the least. Please read and review, it would be much appreciated! Thanks and love to my readers-Alicia.
Breakeven- The Script
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even
Her best days were some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even... no
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even)
Oh, you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, ooh
'Cause you left me with no love and honour to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break...
No, it don't break
No, it don't break even, no
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?
(Oh glad you're okay now)
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
(Oh I'm glad you're okay)
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even)
Oh, it don't break even no
Oh, it don't break even no
Oh, it don't break even no
Life is unpredictable. That's the understatement of the year. I'm sitting at Joe's nursing my scotch. She told me to pick her, choose her, love her. I wanted so badly to do all those things. I want her and I love her; I just don't know if I can choose her. What the hell was she doing saying those things to me? I'm married and trying to make it work. Doesn't she know I can't look at her without wanting to rip her clothes off and make love to her?
I pound my fists against the bar in frustration. Addison and I were married for eleven years before I caught her with my bastard of a best friend. I moved across the country to take a job, but who know I would have a one night stand that turned into the love of my life. I never felt this way about Addison, but shouldn't I be an honorable man and try and make our marriage work?
I don't know if I could ever feel the same way about Addison as I do Meredith. Sure I loved Addison, but I'm in love Meredith.
I sighed and took another sip of my scotch and ran my fingers through my hair. What am I suppose to do? It makes me sick every time some man even lays an eye on Meredith and thought of her making love with someone else other than me makes my heart explode.
I know sitting at a bar drinking the night away won't do this situation any justice. I need to make a decision. I know in my heart what I want and what I need. I need Meredith. It's a no brainer, but on the other hand I should try to make my marriage work, right?
I wave down Joe for another scotch. I take a sip as I hear the door bells ring. In she walks. Meredith, my Meredith. I just stare as her beauty radiates the whole building. In this moment there is no one else at the bar, it's just me and her.
I miss her more than words can describe.
I miss the way she giggles.
I miss the way she smiles.
I miss the way her body curves into mine in bed.
I miss how she can't cook and I have to.
I miss the way she snores.
I miss the smell of her hair.
More importantly: I just miss her. I miss everything about her.
I watched as she sat at a table with Alex, George, and Izzie slugging back tequila shots. The way she does that still amazes me. Everything about her amazes me. I listen as her intoxicating laugh fills the air.
I'm in a daze. I could spend all day just staring at her. I know deep down inside that she is the love of my life. Now only if I could just make that happen. What am I so afraid of? Why can't I just leave Addie? I loved her at one point, but damn it, I'm in love with Meredith Grey! I love her, I love her, I love her. She is the love of my life.
I nestle the scotch in my hand as I lean against the bar. My focus on Meredith was ruined by the bells of the door. In comes Addison. I sigh as I chug my scotch down. My throat burns, but I know what I need to do.
Addison politely smiles at me and I return the gesture. I grab cash out of my back jean pocket and leave money for drinks and a tip.
"Ready to go?" Addison says to me.
I nod in return as I begin walking towards the exit. I glance over at Meredith as she takes a shot. When she looks up I smile, but she just blankly stares. She looks hurt and my heart aches. As I walk out the door, I can still feel Meredith's eyes on me.
Addie tries to grab my hand, but I pull away.
"We need to talk" I choke out.
My wife looks at me with wide eyes. I think she knows what's coming and was almost expecting this. Her eyes were not wide with fear or sadness, but almost relief.
I pick Meredith, I choose Meredith, I love Meredith.