Blessed

Summary: Olivia needs Elliot now more than ever

A/N: Sorry for the confusion, this is the seual to "Lost"

Thanks for all the great reviews! I look forward to more! Hint Hint Wink WInk

Not Your Fault

"What happened?" Cragen asked as he hurried over to Elliot with Munch and Fin in tow.

Elliot had called Cragen as the doctors were rushing his wife onto the OR. Cragen found him sitting one of the hard orange plastic chairs with his head in his hands.

"I don't know." Elliot answered, looking up. "She said she was fine, and then she was out. I don't know where all that blood came from." He said still dazed.

"Hey, she'll be fine." Fin said, trying to reassure both Elliot and himself.

"What am I gonna tell the kids if she doesn't make it?" Elliot asked quietly. He was praying for the best, but expecting the worst. Inside he knew that something was wrong.

"Don't think like that El. Liv is a strong woman, she'll pull through." Munch answered, putting a hand on Elliot's shoulder.

Just then the ER doctor form earlier entered the room. He had a look on his face that told Elliot his news would be grim.

Elliot struggled to keep his composure as the somber man walked over to him. He managed to muster up enough strength to lift him self out of his chair.

"Is she alright?" He asked.

"We managed to control the bleeding. Olivia is going to be alright." The doctor answered causing a sigh of relief to come form Elliot.

"Why do you look like there's something else?" Cragen asked, noticing the somber expression on the doctor's face hadn't lifted.

"Detective Stabler, I'm afraid that we couldn't save the baby." The doctor revealed, looking to the floor. "I'm so sorry."

"Wait, what baby?" Elliot asked, not sure what the doctor was talking about. "Liv wasn't pregnant."

"I afraid, that she was." The doctor answered. He was sure that the couple had known. "Your wife was about two and a half weeks along. You didn't know?"

"No." Elliot answered, still in shock.

"I'm afraid that the blow to her stomach caused her to hemorrhage. We had to perform an emergency C-section. I'm so sorry." The doctor explained.

Elliot was at a loss for words. He had so many questions, but wasn't sure how to ask them.

"Does Olivia know?" Cragen asked in a whisper.

"She was waking up when I came out here. One of the other doctors should be telling her as we speak." The doctor answered.

"Is there anything else I should know?" Elliot asked, finally breaking his silence.

"I'm afraid that we had to perform a hysterectomy on her. There was just too much damage." The doctor finished.

"Can I see her?" Elliot asked, knowing that Olivia was going to need him now more than ever.

"Yes, I'll take you to her." The doctor answered, leading the way to Olivia's room. Elliot followed, leaving Munch, Fin, and Cragen in the waiting room at acomplete loss for words.

Elliot entered the hospital room quietly. Olivia was laying on her side silently staring out her window. She had to back to Elliot.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered as she heard him approaching her bed.

"Liv, you have nothing to be sorry for." Elliot answered, crouching down in front of Olivia so that he could look her in the eyes.

"I won't blame you if you hate me Elliot, I hate me." She said as tears began silently crawling down her cheeks. She turned her face, and hid it in the pillow. She couldn't bare to look at Elliot, she was too ashamed.

"I could never hate you." Elliot answered, smoothing her hair back.

"Elliot, I killed our baby." She said angrily, turning her head to face him again. "The doctors let me see him. He was so small, and I killed him. He's dead and it's my fault!" She yelled. "How could I do that? How could I kill my own child?" She asked, pleading for an answer.

"Liv, you didn't kill him. You didn't even know you were pregnant." He said, attempting to comfort his broken wife. Elliot sat on the bed and pulled Olivia to him, rubbing her back as she sobbed into his chest.

Elliot knew that Olivia would never put any of the kids in danger. If she had known that she was pregnant, she would have been on a desk.

"But I did know Elliot." Olivia sobbed. "I've been sick, and irritable, and hungry for a week. Every time I got sick I remembered how I felt when I was pregnant with Isabelle. I knew that I should have gotten a test, but I always had something more important to do. I kept putting it out of my mind." She explained. "Deep down, I knew I didn't have the flu El, I was just making excuses."

"Olivia, you can't blame yourself for this." Elliot said. He knew that nothing he could say would bring comfort to his wife, but he had to try something.

"But I can Elliot." She answered, pulling out of his embrace. "The only reason I didn't get a test to see if I was pregnant is because I was afraid of what it would say." She said quietly. "I love being a mother, and I would do anything for my kids, but when I thought I was pregnant, I was scared." She continued.

"Liv, being scared is nothing to be ashamed of." Elliot answered, trying to understand a distraught Olivia.

"No El, you don't understand." Olivia whispered. "I was afraid, because I didn't want to have another child. I mean, I would have wanted our baby if I had him, and I would have loved him, but Maureen is engaged, and the twins are seniors, Kathleen is in college, and Bella's gonna be five. I just didn't want to start again." She said, trying to make herself feel better. "Maybe they were right when the courts tried to take Bella away from me; maybe I'm not fit to be a mother."

"Don't say that Olivia." Elliot countered, pulling Olivia back to him. "You are a wonderful mother, don't ever doubt that."

"Look, Elliot, I appreciate you being her for me, I really do, but I just want to be alone for a while." Olivia sighed, pulling herself free from Elliot's grasp.

"But Oli…" Elliot began.

"Please Elliot." She pleaded.

Elliot understood that his presence wasn't helping Olivia, so he complied with her request, and left the room.

TBC... let me know what you think. This story takes a few twists and turns, so be ready for anything!... coming soon, Elliot will confront the man who killed his baby!