Don't own Star Trek.
I figured I might as well delve into a child AU since I've jumped on almost every other band wagon. So here it is…in all it's crack and glory.
... .. . .. ... ... .. . .. ... ... .. . .. ...
Sarek would never admit to being nervous, not matter how his human wife pestered him. It was illogical to be nervous. T'Pau was adept at her work. More over, it was a simple procedure, festooned in tradition and deeply rooted in Vulcan history. Everything had been planned out over the course of several months, meticulously calculated. Nothing could go wrong.
So it was illogical to pace nervously in the hall, waiting to be called in for the ceremony to begin. He told her that, repeatedly, but she continued to pace until Spock asked her to desist.
Spock had grown exceptionally, embracing his Vulcan heritage fully. And even at seven, the only hint of nervous emotion was in his all too human eyes, subdued even there. When he was told he was to be bonded, he nodded politely in acquisition and made no protest. Unlike his mother, who had deemed it unnatural. It the were meant to be together forever, she had informed everyone loudly, they would come together as a couple with or without a bond. Sarek argued that, by that logic, if they were not meant to be together, no bond would hold them.
Reluctantly, she agreed to the procedure. She understood the importance of it, would never wish the pain of not being bonded on her son, but still she disagreed. Piled on was they incessant worries she held, fearing something to happen. Insisting there would be some area for it to go wrong.
When T'Pau's guards brought them in, they fell silent. Amanda's hand snuck in his, for the slightest second, as they came to stand behind their son. Next to them, the parents of their son's intended, T'Pring, came to stand. Spock knelt in a smooth motion, that still looked jagged in comparison to T'Pring. She fell with the grace of a feather into her place, eyes lidded in a dull, almost lifeless, emotionless look. T'Pau came to stand before them, hands crossed at her back.
A loud gong sounded at the back of the room.
"Koss, father of T'Pring, do you bring your daughter here to pass her into the family house of Sarek?"
"I do." T'Pring's father replied.
"Sarek, father of Spock, do you bring your son here to accept T'Pring into your family house?"
"I do." Sarek agreed.
"T'Pring, do you accept Spock as your bonded and open your mind to him?" It was customary to ask, but it was not their decision.
Her voice was light, that of a child, in spite of the weight to her words. "I do."
"Spock, do you accept T'Pring as your bonded and open your mind to her?"
"I do." He answered without hesitation, before his voice could break with the momentary fear he felt.
"So it shall be." T'Pau said easily, setting her hands on their meld points and closing her eyes to focus.
Spock took a few deep, calming breaths in an attempt to fight down the emotions stirring in him. T'Pau was barely a presence in his mind, even as deep as she reached to tie them. Faintly, he could feel T'Pring's mind, a steady presence just far enough away that he could be sure of nothing. That would change, he knew, as soon as they were bonded. And yet her mind continued to glide by, just out of reach. It was almost a frustrating feeling, how it seemed, even reaching as he was, that he could not grasp her. With a jolt, he realized the frustration was not his own, but T'Pau's.
She withdrew, brow drawn ever so slightly. "Fascinating."
T'Pring was looking at him with blatant worry on her face. He reached out to her immediately, extending his hand through the gap between them. She accepted it greedily, and removed her hand just as fast, as though she were burned. Their parents watched silently behind, waiting for some explanation.
Spock's voice shook ever so slightly as he addressed T'Pau. "Why can I not feel her?"
"Even in contact we can not reach each other." T'Pring agreed, tears in her voice.
Spock felt he understood her fear. They had been told this was a very important bond for them and, while there were difficulties, they had gotten along, so to speak. Being unbonded, however, was unacceptable. If either were at fault…the humiliation of being unable to bond would be excruciating. That their minds could be incapable…
"I can not bond you." T'Pau told them, and turned to leave.
"What do you mean?" Koss asked quickly, his tone a little more strained than was respectable.
T'Pau glanced back at them, as if she were almost surprised they wanted information. "Their minds will not connect. Though they are willing, they are unsuitable for each other."
"They were specifically chosen for each other due to their suitability." Sarek responded in confusion.
T'Pau looked at him as if he were a child. "In theory, that is acceptable. They are not suitable though. Their minds do not belong together."
"Then what should we do?" T'Pring's mother asked.
"Find another for them." And with that T'Pau left.
Amanda would have been smug, and told her husband she had been right, but her son looked so pale, drawn and disturbed by this outcome. For a week, he mulled about the house, like a little robot, functioning only by design. It was some time before a solution came to her mind.
"I do not believe that is wise." Sarek informed her when she told him of her plan.
"Why not? Staying here is just going to let him keep thinking about it. He needs some time away from this pressure."
"I do not believe Earth would be the best place for him."
Amanda pouted, her most powerful tool against Sarek. "Consider it a learning experience. I'll take him to a shipyard so he may learn something about the scientific devices being utilized in them now days."
Sarek was already breaking under that look. "I do not wish for him to be subjected to illogical humans. Their rampant emotionalism may harm him in his current state."
"Does my rampant emotionalism hurt him?"
"You are not rampant." Sarek told her.
"Precisely. Trust me, if it gets to be too much for him, I'll bring him right back." She smiled softly at him, big brown eyes widening innocently.
Sarek twitched, the last of his resolve breaking. "Very well. If he wishes to go, you may take him."
... .. . .. ...
Spock had been, admittedly, excited when he was told they would be headed to earth. The long transport had done nothing to stilt that excitement. His mother had insisted they stay in a modest hotel, rather than the embassy. The little town had seemed so quaint as their transport took them to the middle of it. Spock was shocked by all the bright colors, the dazzling array clashing with itself, and yet seeming pleasantly cohesive by the same right. And the people, bustling, waving to anyone and everyone, going about easily with their lives.
The hotel was a touch musty. Amanda told him to open a window. When he had struggled with the paint encrusted frame long enough to knock quite a bit of paint free and open it roughly half of the way, he deemed it well enough. He had been shocked to find it operated on such outdated technology. The air was strangely sweet from outside, an odd, almost damp tinge hanging on the air.
"What do you think?" Amanda asked him, sitting down on the near bed.
"It is…antiquated." He told her cautiously. "Is all of Earth like this?"
She laughed, a melodious sound. "No, honey. We're in a very small town. Some of the people here like the old fashioned feel."
Spock's brows drew together. "That is illogical."
"Yes." She agreed with a chuckle, ruffling his hair. "Would you like to rest a bit before we go out to dinner? We can start our tour tomorrow."
"I would not." Spock informed her. "I have some studies I wish to read into."
Half an hour later, Spock was snoozing lightly on his bed, his pile of science journals long forgotten. Amanda smiled at him from where she was reading on her own bed, having seen that coming from a mile away. When it came time for dinner, Spock pretended he hadn't dozed at all, though it had taken Amanda a minute to wake him.
"I do not find this appetizing." Spock announced the third time a strand of pasta struck him.
He was having quite some difficulty with the Italian food, and had decided the only thing worth eating was breadsticks and salad. Amanda made a note to remind him there was something other than meat he wouldn't eat though 'the only necessary factor was nutritional value'. Through out dinner, Spock shrank down every time anyone looked over at him, speaking loudly of how cute he was, and how strange it was to see a Vulcan. He couldn't hide the curiosity in his eyes though, taking in everything he could.
... .. . .. ...
"Stay close." Amanda warned Spock when he started to wander off.
Dutifully, he ducked back by her side, weaving through the numerous workers. They had woken early (for his mother), and headed out to the shipyard. The tour had started in the science facilities, showing the state of the art technology going into the ships, as well as the equipment guiding the workers through their job. Spock's hands itched to touch, to explore, to use. Obediently, he kept his hands at his back, memorizing the sights, making observations, refraining from touching. It was amazing, all encompassing, enticing…and all off limits.
Now they wandered through the actual construction area, careful to stay clear of dangerous heavy machinery and unobservant workers. The noise was excruciating, even with the ear plugs. He listened half-heartedly to the man leading them through, disgruntled by his inability to touch anything and truly explore it.
A flash of yellow caught his attention, a little boy with hair standing something on end weaving easily through the workers. In his arms was a toolbox almost his size. With practiced ease, he dropped it on a table, earning the smiles of a few workers, and being handed three large, rolled pieces of paper. Each piece was twice as large as him, and Spock watched as he shuffled them around, attempting to find a suitable way to transport them. Still shifting about, and moments from dropping them, the boy started to march off.
Spock glanced at his mother, who was fully engrossed in conversation with their guide. Surely a small detour to assist the boy would be irrelevant…
Spock darted off after him, curiosity and boredom getting the better of him. It didn't take long to find the shock of blond hair and tower of paper toddling along. Right as he spotted him, the overbalanced mess tipped over. He darted forward, catching one end of the paper before it could roll off and be lost under the wave of feet. The little boy blinked at him in interest, blue eyes glittering, hiking up his hold on the papers and nodding to him. Spock suspected he could not hear over the sound of the construction area, and found it futile to attempt to speak.
Seeing that he was still struggling with the papers, Spock trailed after him. He watched him from the corner of his eye, only looking at him fully when he caught the rolled papers before they fell over. They made their way to an office up a flight of stares, overseeing the largest construction area. The boy handed the papers over easily and tottered on the tips of his toes to reach the door handle. Spock refrain from pointing out that he would have had more success in opening the door, and quietly kept hold of the papers.
Inside the office was notable quieter, and Spock sighed in relief. The little blond pulled the plugs from his ears and leaned the rolled up papers with others of their kind against the wall. Spock removed his own earplugs and turned to the boy to speak to him.
"'anks." The boy mumbled, going to sit in one of the chairs in the room.
Curious, Spock found himself sitting as well. "You are welcome."
"Wha'cha doin' here?" His little voice wasn't impossibly heavy with accent, but he slurred in a child's manner.
"I am on a tour of the facility."
"Ah." The boy nodded.
"May I inqu-ire as to why you are here?" Spock hesitated a moment on the words, the Terran flowing less easily than his natural Vulcan.
The boy shrugged. "Mamma works here."
Spock raised an eyebrow. "How old are you?"
"Five." The boy said proudly, raising his little hand to illustrate the point. "You?"
"Seven."
The boy peered at him a moment, blue eyes unnervingly piercing. "I'm Jim."
"I am Spock." Spock glanced around, beginning to feel nervous.
He had been away from his mother some time. Jim didn't seem bothered by the lack of supervision. Rather, he seemed bored, kicking his legs back and forth. Spock looked him over, noting the messy way he looked. It appeared to be grease and sweat keeping his short hair vertical. There was dust and metal shavings all over his clothes. A smudge of dirt was smeared across his nose and cheek.
The door banged open and Spock swiveled around to see who had entered. He was met with the view of a tall woman with wavy blond hair tied back, her clothes reminiscent of one of the workers, the tour guide, and his mother. His stomach sank when he saw the fear in her eyes. Is soon disappeared in favor of annoyance and relief, which hurt far more.
"Told you he'd gotten a hold of him." The woman let them in with a chuckle and shut the door to lock the sound out again.
"Hi mamma." Jim announced happily.
"Spock!" Amanda chided immediately, hitting her knees and gathering him in her arms.
Spock shifted uncomfortably. "Mother. I apologize for not warning you I-"
"You had better!" She cut him off. "What were you thinking?"
"He helped me." Jim announced happily, pointing to the papers against the wall.
The blond woman, his mother, rolled her eyes. "Didn't I tell you to let the workers do their own work? He wouldn't have had to wander off and help you if you had done what you were told."
Both boys looked at the ground in shame. Their mothers exchanged a glance, shaking their heads.
"Thank you Mrs. Kirk." Amanda sighed.
"Winona." She replied. "And I'm sorry about my son. He's good at dragging people off task."
"Will we be leaving now?" Spock asked quietly, eyes still on the ground.
"No!" Jim exclaimed, speech pattern deteriorating in his excitement. "Mamma! No! I dida' mean to get him in tr-tru-trouble! Let him finni' his tour!"
Spock looked at him in surprise, shocked that he would stand up for him. Winona glanced between the boys, and then at Amanda, who had a similar look of surprised amusement on her face.
"Is that what you want?" Amanda asked Spock.
Spock flushed a little. "I…admit I am already aware of most occurrences in production."
"So you're bored." She announced in amusement.
"Boredom is a human emotion." Spock replied softly, not actually denying it.
Jim pouted up at his mother all the same. "Mamma…"
Winona smirked at him, ruffling his hair. "Have you made a friend Jimmy?"
Jim nodded enthusiastically, beaming at Spock, who was thoroughly struck by the action. "Yu-huh."
"I see. Mrs. Amanda, would you and your son like to join us for dinner?" Winona smiled at the other woman, hand still on the head of the expectant little boy who clung to her leg. "My other son would be joining us, but that shouldn't be a problem."
Amanda noted the hint of excitement behind Spock's eyes. "That would be lovely, but my son is vegetarian…"
"That's no problem." Winona announced hurriedly. "I would expect no less from a Vulcan."
And just like that they'd come to an agreement. Spock and his mother left to learn a little more about the surrounding town and Jim and Winona went back to work. It was…enlightening, looking around the rustic town. It was a strange mesh of contemporary and antedated technology, not quite like he had imagined when he first viewed it. Indeed, it was far more technologically inclined then he had anticipated, simply maintaining its roots heavily in appearance. As it neared the appointed time to head to the Kirk residence, he felt nervous like he had never before, which he attributed to being unaccustomed to dining with others.
The Kirk household was something of a nervous mess in the minutes up to their arrival.
"Damn it George! Get your school bag out of the living room!" Winona screeched from the kitchen. "We have guests coming over. I know you know what manners are. I pounded them into that little skull of yours."
"I'm getting it! Geesh." Even at eight, George had an impressive stubborn streak, just like his parents.
Jim bustled about, cleaning as a five year old is wont to do, ineffectually. "Hafta make it look good Sam."
"You are so weird." George Samuel Kirk, the elder son, rolled his eyes. "Ow! Shit! Mom! Jim hit me!"
"James Tiberius Kirk you behave yourself right now or you'll have to stay in your room for the entirety of dinner." Winona announced, never turning from the food she was preparing.
"Mamma!" Jim squeaked in alarm, running into the kitchen to bury his face in the back of her knees. "I'll be good. I'll be good. I'll be good. Wanna see Spock."
She chuckled. "Alright. Go set the table."
He hurried to do as she asked, nearly knocking his brother over as he raced past him. 'Sam' glanced after him, looking far more amused than he had any right to. Winona sighed, double checking everything. There were a few more minutes on the casserole. The chime of the doorbell alerted her to the presence of their guests, exactly on time. Jim raced through the house, announcing loudly that he had the door. Winona headed out into the living room in time to see Jim struggle with the door handle.
"Hi. Miss 'Manda." Jim grinned up at her, before his eyes immediately fell to Spock.
Spock, who was practically hiding against his mother.
"Hello Jim." Amanda looked over at Winona. "Hello."
"Right on time." Winona smiled, gesturing for them to enter.
"My son has a thing about punctuality." Amanda explained, setting a hand on Spock's shoulder.
Jim leaned around Amanda's leg, peering at Spock. Spock inched a bit closer to his mother, incredibly more uncomfortable now that he was no longer on neutral territory. Jim smiled, giggling with something, and tugged on Spock's upper arm. Spock tensed, glancing worriedly at his mother.
"Come on!" Jim whined. "I'll give you a tour."
"Save the tour until after dinner. George, come greet our guests." Winona shook her head in amusement, eyeing her eldest when he entered. "Amanda, Spock, this is my eldest, George. George, this is Amanda and Spock."
George blinked at Spock a moment, looking him over. "He's Vulcan?"
Spock tensed further, but Jim didn't take notice. "Isn't that so cool?"
Winona and Amanda shared a knowing look as Spock blushed deeply. George simply nodded in acquisition, agreeing heartily with Jim. Winona ushered them into the dinning room and left the seating arrangement to Amanda. She came back to find Spock tucked in a corner, trapped between his mother and Jim, who had taken one end of the table to sit at a right angle to his friend. She knew, if she looked, there would be a stack of books under him. It hurt a bit, to see Jim at the head of the table. George was seated across from Amanda, so, after delivering all of the food for the first course, she took a seat at the opposite end of the table from her youngest.
She and Amanda chatted about what their families were like. George threw in several good words for his deceased father. Across the table, Jim kept up a steady babble about what he was teaching himself for a while, before falling suspiciously silent and letting Spock lecture him on some scientific theory. That was the second most impressive thing of the evening. The most impressive being, over the course of the entire meal, Jim ate all his vegetables.
Between dinner and dessert, Jim took his chance to lead Spock on a tour, their parents trailing after.
"This is the barn." Jim announced in a sacred whisper, having been more enthused about the stables, the fields, and the stray cat that lived on their property.
"If I am correct, the purpose of a barn is to store grain or livestock, yes?" Spock no longer attempted to assist him in opening the door, knowing he would only receive a hurt glare in response.
"Yup." Jim agreed, straining, but pulling the door free. "We keep tools here. And…Dad's car."
Behind them, Winona tensed a bit. Amanda patted her arm gently, having heard all about Jim's problems with his father's memory in a hushed whisper over the course of the night where none of the boys could hear them. Sam had made it easy by practically running away as soon as he had a chance to watch television.
"Your father's car?" Spock asked in interest. "He does not drive it?"
Jim shrugged. "He died when I was born."
And just like that, it was passed over. Winona was a little shocked to admit she wasn't expecting his reaction. Anyone else who had ever spoken to him about his father received quite an earful. But Spock nodded in understanding and the subject was quite simply dropped. Though the car garnered much interest.
"Im'a drive it some day." Jim told him. "Sam say it's a depth trap."
"Death trap." Winona corrected, rolling her eyes.
"You are not worried of the dangers?"
"Can't learn nothin' if you're 'fraid all the time."
"Indeed."
The tour finished with what almost amounted to hide-and-seek in the house. Jim and Spock joined Sam on the couch watching movies, Jim acting as a buffer between his brother and the touch sensitive boy. He broke out into giggles every time Spock declared something impossible or illogical. Sam simply rolled his eyes, and finally headed into the kitchen, where the adults were drinking tea, to get some water.
"Are you enjoying yourself George?" Winona asked as he gulped down water.
"Yeah, sure." He shrugged, glancing back towards the living room. "Jimmy's sure happy."
It struck Amanda that the tone he used was far too sober for an eight year old, too sad. It was like he wanted nothing more than to see his brother smile, as though it were an unusual feat. It almost made her want to cry. After downing another drink, Sam headed back into the living room, only to return seconds later rolling his eyes.
"They fell asleep." He explained. "Mom'll probably want a picture."
Winona and Amanda shared a look of confusion, and hurried out into the living room. They were met with a heart melting scene.
The room was dark, save for the flashes of white and blue from the TV. Jim and Spock were curled up together on the couch, clinging to each other in their sleep. Jim's head was tucked under Spock's chin, arms curled between them. Spock's arms were wrapped around the younger boy's waist, his legs tangled with the others. Sharp shadows danced across their features, making it hard to pick them apart and distinguish one form fully from the other.
... .. . .. ...
Spock was almost reluctant to return to Vulcan, where he knew he would have to face a world that knew of his failure to bond with T'Pring, a thought he had managed to avoid for most of the trip. His heart ached painfully as he stood beside his mother at the terminal, saying their last goodbyes to the Kirk family, who had become close to them. Jim was watching him with an abnormally large smile, as if he were completely unperturbed.
"Cous you hafta go home!" He chuckled. "Vulcan 's your home."
"I find I do not wish to leave." Spock admitted lowly, wishing his mother were not close enough to hear.
"Don' worry." Jim flapped a little hand at him. "My home 's space. I'll see you there."
Spock's eyes widened before he nodded enthusiastically. "Very well. I shall see you there."
Jim reached a stubby little hand out into the space between them. A mossy color sprang up on Spock's cheeks, and he extended two fingers in a Vulcan kiss to brush against Jim's hand, face burning furiously at the action. Jim leaned forward quickly, placing a swift peck on his lips before giggling manically and burying his face in his mother's legs. Spock's cheeks burned a vivid green apple, eyes wide.
Winona burst out into laughter, placing her hand on Jim's head. "Jimmy, do you have a crush on Spock?"
Jim nodded, shook his head, and nodded again. Amanda laughed at this, watching her son stare off into space, completely unable to form any sort of coherent thought. After about a minute of unresponsiveness, she called for his attention. He blinked slowly at her, face still a hot green. With a last goodbye between the two mothers, Amanda and her son were back on their way to Vulcan, and Jim and Winona headed off to work.
... .. . .. ...
"He has been unable to bond with all ten suitors we have selected for him." Sarek came as close as he had ever to raising his voice.
"When will you figure out that maybe there is a reason for that?" Amanda shrieked tired of the accusations and implications that their son was anything but perfect.
"As I have stated-"
"There is nothing wrong with him!" Amanda hissed. "Maybe he isn't meant to be bonded."
"Irrelevant. He should be capable of bonding."
"Humans don't bond."
"You are bonded to me."
"Irrelevant." She threw out, eyes narrowed in distaste. "He doesn't need to be bonded."
"He is fifteen Amanda. It is important he be bonded when he enters adulthood. The sooner he is bonded, the more time the bond will have to settle." Sarek spoke in a tone pointing out how this was the same argument that had won every other altercation they had on the matter.
"May I be excused?" Spock finally spoke up, no longer willing to sit through another discussion on how inferior he was.
"Affirmative." Sarek told him.
"Don't listen to him honey." Amanda instructed angrily. "There's a reason for this. I just know it."
The air through out the house remained tense at best for the next few days. On Earth, Winona was dealing with trouble of her own.
"James don't you dare-" Winona winced at the sound of a door slamming shut.
"Stupid son-of-a-" A burly man next to her was cut off by the glare of a lifetime.
"Get the fuck out of my house Frank." She hissed in anger. "I only let you back in here to sign the papers. Insult my son again and no jury will convict me."
Frank paled, backing towards the door. He had been married to Winona for three years. He knew she was quiet serious. The occasional black eyes Jim got would just seal the deal on his fate if that was what she chose. He was lucky Jim had taken his anger out on the car, rather than him. If there was anyone more capable of killing than his mother, it was Jim. There was a cold, ruthless calculating in his eyes, kind, and yet willing to do anything he determined was necessary with an inhuman precision. It terrified him, that any thirteen year old could look at him like that.
Sighing, Winona collapsed at her computer. She had no idea what to say to Jim. She hadn't realized Frank was such an awful man. She'd been absent too much. Loath as she was to admit it, some drunken flailing wasn't even up to par with the injuries Jim's shenanigans gave himself. But Frank had touched the car. And if there was one thing her Jimmy couldn't take, it was someone molesting his father's memory.
That gave her pause. There was only one person she knew that he had never had problems talking about his father with. It was a long shot, but…
She logged onto her messenger. "Are you there Amanda?"
It took a few seconds for a reply. "I'm here. Avoiding Sarek."
"Something wrong hun?" She and Amanda had become close over the years, staying in touch though their sons hadn't seen each other, or even spoken after they left.
"Same problem as always. Poor Spock shouldn't have to listen to his father constantly belittling him. What did you need?"
"Ideas on dealing with Jim. Frank…touched the car. Jim took it over a cliff into the quarry." Winona winced, realizing how awful that sounded as soon as she actually acknowledged it.
"Oh God! Is he alright?"
"Fine. Bruised his ego a bit to get arrested."
"And George?"
"I sent him to that boarding school he's wanted to go to…Frank 's out of our life now."
"And Jimmy is tense?"
"Kicks the barn every day and storms about the house."
"Has he gotten out much?"
"Not really."
"Why not take him off planet?"
Winona smirked. "Where were you thinking?"
"Oh…I don't know…Shi'Kahr is nice this time of year."
She laughed out loud, agreeing immediately. The question was whether she would tell Jim where they were going, or just let him stew on it.
"I think I'll let this be a pleasant surprise for my husband and son." Amanda told her seriously.
That settled it, then. The boys would barely get a day's warning before they had a reunion. It had been some time, maybe it would be as…surprising…as when they said goodbye.
... .. . .. ...
Jim hadn't spoken when she told him to pack, didn't question when she drove them to the terminal, and merely gave her a questioning look when she displayed two tickets, as though he hadn't expected her to be coming along. He didn't ask where they were going, didn't read any marquee or the tickets, and blatantly ignored every announcement. Winona wasn't surprised. She simply ushered him into a window seat, knowing he want to see them approach the planet.
And he did. His gaze widened as the red planet came into view, a soft wonderment in his blue eyes. He exhaled shakily, sitting up in his chair.
"Vulcan." He breathed softly in time with the announcement they had arrived.
"What do you think Jim?"
Jim whipped around to look at her, like he'd almost forgotten she was there. "Why are we here?"
"I though you needed some time off planet."
Jim fixed her with a look that spoke levels on how much he thought that answer was bull. Winona simply smiled motherly at him. The hotel they were staying in was fortunately air-conditioned, but Jim found himself standing on the open balcony. A thought came unbidden, a memory of brown eyes and being comfortable in his skin. Where was that boy now?
"Jim. We're headed out to dinner. Are you dressed decently?" Winona's voice called.
"I'm dressed fine." Jim rolled his eyes, turning around to smile awkwardly at her.
"It's your funeral." She shrugged.
She didn't explain.
"I'm having guests and that's final." Amanda declared to Sarek. "If you don't like it, you can leave, but these are good friends of mine and I want them over."
"You should have told me." He admonished.
"You'd have said no."
"I would not necessarily." Sarek insisted.
He was mostly silent through her preparation of dinner. Spock didn't ask who she had invited over, expecting ambassadors, professors, or some other Vulcan family who's child he was to be bonded to. If he were to be honest, he wanted nothing to do with it, but that was an emotional response, and disrespectful. His discomfort was illogical.
Jim scowled, looking out the window of the cabby. "Where are we going?"
"Hush Jim." Winona told him. "You'll find out soon enough."
"This is a residential area." Jim accused.
"Hush Jim." She told him as the cab came to a stop.
Jim stared at the expansive compound, momentarily petrified that she was pawning him off on someone. Sam got a boarding school in San Francisco, he got one on Vulcan. But there was no way…obviously. It would be ridiculous for her to go out of her way to do that. That didn't stop him from trudging slowly up the drive after her.
A tall, Vulcan man opened the door. He looked dispassionately at the both of them, before inclining his head and moving to the side.
"Mrs. Kirk." He glanced momentarily at Jim, and ignored him. "The sitting room is this way."
"Thank you, Sarek." She said politely, earning a momentarily interested look.
Jim scowled after him, silently fuming. It was a nice house, fancy, ornate, elaborate, and completely unlived in. Or at least, that was the feel.
"Winona!" A woman's voice echoed through the sitting room.
"Amanda!" Winona called happily, bringing her friend into her arms.
Jim jolted, eyes wide as he stared openly. Amanda…as in…
"Spock!" Jim yelled when the boy came into the room to see the cause of the ruckus.
Spock stiffened, eyes going wide. His hair was longer, his body taller, his eyes older, but there was little doubt. "James?"
Jim was across the room, with a skid, ignoring the heated look Sarek dared to give him. "Spock!"
Spock winced, as Jim's volume hadn't dropped. "What are you doing here?"
"I have no idea." Jim laughed. "How…uh…how have you been?"
Suddenly, it was like Jim had realized what he was doing, and how distinctly 'uncool' he was behaving. He nonchalantly stuffed his hands in his pockets. His grin did nothing to hide his enthusiasm though. Spock's heart raced a bit, the surprise and enjoyment of seeing his friend having a physical reaction. Their mothers looked thrilled, though Sarek held an important air of disappointment.
"I have been well." Spock said stiffly. "And yourself?"
Jim frowned, brow drawing in instantly. "I drove a car off a cliff."
"What?" Spock cast a look of alarm at Winona. "Why?"
"I drove my Dad's car off a cliff." Jim emphasized. "Because my step-father was a douche."
Spock gave him a minute frown. "I do not see a connection in this information."
"He tried to take it as his." Jim said darkly.
Winona and Amanda exchanged a look. She still couldn't understand how he instantly opened up to the other boy. Sarek announced that it was dinner time, and the spell was broken. Dinner was stilted and awkward, at best. Jim tried to engage him in discussion about literally anything, including his studies, and Spock was stiff and distant. To Winona's surprise, Sarek opened up fairly well for a Vulcan and accepted her presence with a resigned grace. Jim was moody by the time dinner was over.
"May I give James a tour of the house?" Spock asked his father softly.
Jim looked up at the use of his name, though a clearly hurt look was still on his face.
Sarek looked between them a moment. "You may."
It took about ten minutes for Jim to get fed up. "What the hell Spock? Did I do something wrong?"
"I do not understand the nature of your question James."
"First of all, it's Jim. J-I-M. Jim." Jim snarled, waving his finger in Spock's face. "And why the hell are you being so cold to me? I know it's been a while but I thought…" Spock tensed as Jim trailed off, tilting to meet the blue eyes being hidden from him. They held far more hurt than he had imagined. "I thought we were friends." Jim spoke softly.
"Jim…" Spock intoned gently, getting him to finally meet his gaze. "I…apologize. Vulcans pride themselves in emotional control. I…am simply acting as I have been taught."
Jim seemed to consider this a moment, the mistrust still evident in his eyes. "So…we're still friends?"
"The best." Spock agreed.
Jim grinned. "So this tour?"
The end of the tour found them back in the sitting room around midnight. Their parents' voices drifted through an open archway into Sarek's office. It was a short matter of time before sleep overcame them. They naturally gravitated together, bodies finding the same comfortable way to lay as before. Unconsciously, Jim snuggled closer to him, feeling the weight of the emotions he had been struggling with ease in his sleep. Spock buried his face in Jim's hair, unaware of his own actions.
The were jolted awake by yelling. "I will not calm! What is this?"
"Sarek." Amanda insisted, placing herself between her husband and the boys. "This isn't like you."
Jim yelped at the look of anger blatant on his face, scrambling away from Spock. Spock was pale and on his feet in seconds, backing away from his father.
"Everyone calm down!" Winona's voice rang through the room like a shot. Everyone did as they were told, stilling to look at her. "You need to calm down Sarek. They didn't do anything wrong. They were tired and fell asleep. Just like when they were younger."
"Younger?" Sarek asked incredulously, almost successful in schooling his features and voice back to neutral. "This has happened before?"
"It wasn't important." Amanda stressed.
Jim and Spock exchanged terrified glances. "We-" The started at once, and both silenced immediately when all eyes snapped to them.
Spock gulped, and chose to continue. "We did not consciously choose to sleep in such a manner."
"You did not?" Sarek asked solemnly, eyes widening a moment.
"No." Jim answered. "We were on opposite ends of the couch when we fell asleep."
And he could barely believe he got caught cuddling someone, let alone another boy. Sarek looked momentarily lost in thought. Amanda watched him with a note of worry in her eyes. Winona looked ready to grab her son and bolt if she needed to.
"Mrs. Kirk." Sarek spoke evenly, like he hadn't just had an emotional outburst. "I wish for you and your son to accompany me tomorrow morning."
She scowled. "Why should I? You yelled at my son."
"Forgive me my moment of…emotionalism. I was worried for my son." Sarek admitted softly. "This outing may prove quiet enlightening."
"Fine." She said warily.
Jim inched closer to Spock as they continued to talk, looking decidedly pale. "You're father is scary when he's mad."
"I have never seen him behave emotionally before." Spock admitted quietly, voice tight in his throat. "I will agree it is…disconcerting."
... .. . .. ...
Spock was being short with him. Excessively short. Not emotionless, like the night before, but genuinely short. Jim sneered at him the third time he told him to leave him alone.
"Well I'm sorry if I'd just like a clue as to what the hell is going on." Jim snapped, storming away.
Spock had no answer to that. There was no reason for them to be here. It was…illogical. And yet there they stood, outside T'Pau's office, waiting for an audience with her. The last ten times Spock had been there, it was for each failed, miserable attempt at a bond. And now…what? What possible reason could his father have for bringing them there. Surely he didn't want to…Spock flushed. No. Sarek would have informed Jim first if that were the case. So he was back to worrying there was something wrong. Why else would they be at T'Pau's office when they were not to be bonded? He could think of no reason, and that worried him incessantly. And Jim simply could not understand that he was distressed.
The doors swung open, and guards ushered them in. Spock knelt instinctively at T'Pau's feet. Jim took some prompting by his mother, but settled silently into place. T'Pau regarded Jim momentarily, inspecting him, ignoring the uncomfortable squirming.
"I will need to see into your mind." She told him. "Will you allow me?"
Jim frowned. "Uh…sure?"
Just like that, warm, wrinkled old hands came to their meld points. Everything seemed to burst alive in a second, warmth and light and a feeling of completeness neither had known, and yet seemed so utterly familiar. T'Pau reeled back from them, gasping in surprise and bringing her hand up to cover her lips. Such an emotional display was unheard of. Her guards stepped closer, eyes wide in alarm. Sarek, Amanda, and Winona watched her with equal looks of concern, confusion, and uncertainty.
"I have never…" She whispered.
Spock was staring at Jim, knowing he was no longer alone in his head. Jim echoed his sentiments, shuddering slightly with the sudden space that seemed present in them.
"What the hell," Winona asked when everyone seemed too stunned to actually speak, "is going on?"
"They are…" T'Pau stared at them, attempting to reign in her response, and being unable to. "They are…bonded."
"What?" Amanda deadpanned.
Spock glanced at T'Pau with a start. Jim was gaping, understanding Spock's reaction to that news.
T'Pau was looking at them with wonderment in her eyes. "They are T'hy'la. Destined long before meeting for one another."
Now the whole room jolted, erupting in chaos. It was a rather undignified show for Vulcans. Winona was stumped. Amanda was somewhere between delighted and horrified. Sarek was very still, very quiet. The guards made probing comments in Vulcan, scrambling to do…something, not one of them being entirely sure what they should prepare for. Surely there was some ceremony or another…right? T'Pau slid gracefully to her knees, still staring at them.
Jim and Spock's minds were racing. Bonded…destiny. No choice. Forced. A predetermined path. They were being told what to do. Being told they had never had an option. Being told that, no matter what, this was the person they had to be stuck with. There was no point in experimenting, no point in searching, no point in anything they wanted. Their futures were predetermined. There was no conclusion for them to come to. Spock had never really balked before at being told his bonded would be chosen for him.
And yet it was different when the cosmos was the one telling him what to do.
His parents had been told a hybrid would never survive birth. He had been told he would never be able to learn as a Vulcan, even as the head of the class. He had been told he would be bonded to T'Pring. He had always defied those expectations, consciously or not. But to defy this…he would need to be united. An ironic statement as they would need to come together to be apart. But Jim was never one to take destiny for an answer anyway.
"Break the bond." They said at the same time.
And everything froze. Sarek shuddered, eyes widening in horror. Amanda squeaked in alarm, hands flying to her mouth. Winona, not really knowing much, but understanding the gist of what was happening, squawked. T'Pau nearly collapsed with alarm, her guards frozen in place, even as one gong being carried clattered noisily to the ground.
"Why would you…?" T'Pau looked ready to plead with them.
"I don't believe in destiny." Jim announced.
Spock continued before anyone could interrupt. "It is our choice not to be bonded to one another. We do not accept it."
T'Pau gathered them in her arms, to their surprise. "You ask much of me to break something so sacred and beautiful. I…am not sure it can truly be done."
When she looked in their eyes, she acknowledged what she saw there. Reluctantly, she returned her hands to their faces. Distinctly un-Vulcan tears slid down her face as she ripped at the bond. It gave with a shudder, sickly soft, weighing like slick blood in the hands of her mind. It took most of Jim's self control not to vomit. Spock shuddered with an invisible chill. The room was silent, the weight of what they had done heavy in the air.
... .. . .. ...
Spock gritted his teeth, an illogical action, ducking his head and walking faster. The whispers weren't exactly subtle, mocking and cold. Demanding what right he had to have something so cherished. The rumors had spread, how his mind had rejected every bond because he had T'hy'la. None of them spoke of how he had willfully rejected that too. What would they say then? No doubt they would think him ungrateful, undeserving, as they already did. It would make no difference, make him no more Vulcan with or without the bond.
... .. . .. ...
Winona wasn't sure when, exactly, she had lost control of her son. He didn't bother hiding the people he brought with him, or his intentions towards them. He didn't bother hiding his destructive streak. It grew darker as he grew older, until finally, she wasn't surprised to find the note one day. It simply said goodbye. Who knew how many miles away he was by the time she found it? He didn't want anything to tie him down.
... .. . .. ...
Tellar Prime was a large planet. Tezra, the capital, was larger than even Shi'Kahr and New York put together. The odds of Jim having to be in that exact city for work the same time as Spock had to be there for a school fieldtrip of sorts was…astronomical. The odds of running into each other were so low as to be virtually incalculable. And yet blue eyes met brown across a sea of people and recognized each other instantly. Jim turned immediately on his heel, leaving the building that he had stepped into for lunch. He knew Spock had risen from his own meal and was following him.
Jim stopped in an alley, spinning to look at Spock. A lot had changed over the years. He was tall, and sturdy, an actual adult. Jim felt young, at eighteen, standing in front of him. He felt young, taking a tentative step closer. And Spock stared at him, like he were some inexplicable puzzle that had appeared before him. The air seemed too heavy to speak, so they just stared at each other.
Finally, Jim broke the silence. "You."
It was some time later Jim found himself standing in the washroom of his hotel room, brushing his teeth, towel wrapped around his waist. He could hear Spock in the other room, looking for his shoes. As his thoughts turned to him, a sharp sting sprang up behind his eyes. He gasp in alarm, nearly dropping his toothbrush. The sounds Spock was making stopped, followed shortly by precise footsteps heading to the bathroom. Jim turned just as he came into view, holding one boot at waist height.
"Was that…" Jim trailed off, inspecting the faint feeling of annoyance he knew wasn't his.
"Regrettably." Spock answered in monotone. "It would appear my barriers were not sufficient."
Jim smirked at him, the hint of a leer in his eyes. "Oh really? I wonder why."
Spock's eyes narrowed slightly as a faint green flush dusted his cheeks and ears. Jim yelped, hand flying to his head as a starburst of pain erupted behind his temples.
"Damn it! Warn me before you do that." Jim cawed, though he was pleased to be alone in his head again. "You just gave me a headache."
"Indeed? Perhaps you should take a pain reliever." Spock returned to his task of finding his lost boot.
Jim scowled, finishing up with his toothbrush and heading into the bedroom. "I though that old lady broke that damn bond when we were kids. What the hell just happened?"
Spock paused, looking at him like he were an idiot. When Jim made no move to understand the look, Spock let his eyes trail over his exposed flesh, before returning to his face. Jim flushed, mouthing a small 'oh' with some degree of embarrassment.
"So I guess this is goodbye for good, for the third time?" Jim asked with a snort, picking Spock's other boot up and flinging it at him.
"To the contrary." Spock caught the momentary confusion on his face and damn near smirked. "The first time, you insisted we would see each other again, making this second 'goodbye for good' rather than the third."
Jim snorted, shaking his head. "Whatever. Have a nice life."
"And you as well." Spock replied with no real inflection, insuring he had his belongings.
It was some time after he left that Jim spotted the IDIC necklace on his floor. He should have chucked it, because he certainly had no use for it, wanted no reminders of Spock, and was not going to be seeing him again, so couldn't return it. And yet it found a place for itself at the bottom of his bag. And for the most part, he forgot about it.
... .. . .. ...
It turned out, a lot of chicks at the academy knew what it stood for. It started when some girl…Marah or Maria or Marlena or something saw it sitting on his nightstand. He had just found it that morning in his gym bag and tossed it aside, too pissed to actually do anything with it. She had though it was so sensitive, though, and he had a whole new angle to exploit. He didn't realize that it was, apparently, a trouble magnet though.
How else would you explain running into your…ex?…during the second week of classes?
Again, their eyes picked each other out of the crowed. It was Spock who turned away this time, and Jim weaved through the people after him, momentarily breathless. They came to an office, that Jim belatedly realized was Spock's, because he was a professor. Spock didn't turn to look at him until the door slid shut, and they simply stared at each other for a long time. Neither had ever expected the other to join Starfleet, of all things.
Finally, Spock broke the silence. "You."
Jim laughed, but threw his arms around him all the same. He was still shorter, but he was an adult now. It was with a start he realized Spock would be twenty-five by now. Spock returned the embrace tentatively, knowing full well what came next.
This time, Jim sighed, lounging shirtless in one of the chairs to watch Spock meticulously straighten his desk. "I can feel it, can't you?"
"Yes Cadet." Spock replied tensely, the bond singing in the back of his mind.
Jim played with it, as adeptly as someone like himself could, scrutinizing the sliver of a connection, like a spider web trying to grow between them, trying to catch them. Spock sent him a scathing glare over his desk, where he was attempting to locate the styluses to the PADDs Jim knocked aside.
"Well, Professor." Jim drew the word out, watching Spock narrow his eyes further. "Now what? We can't exactly avoid each other forever when we're both here at the academy."
"I do not see why not."
"Two weeks. We found each other in two weeks. Spock, I've got another three years here. I can't jump you every time our eyes meet in the hall." Jim sighed, withdrawing from his mental exploration.
"Than do not." Spock told him tersely. "We have done well to maintain our distance over the years."
"And here we are again." Jim snarked. "We aren't so good at staying away, apparently. And not once have we been in the same area and not ran into each other."
"Then what do you propose?" Spock snapped, finally frustrated by the mixed signal he received.
Jim blinked in surprise. "I suggest we get over the fact that we don't like each other, schedule time to deal with…this." At that Jim waved his hand between them. "And pretend we don't know each other."
Spock flushed lightly. "Schedule…"
"Yes Spock, schedule. Like, once every few months or something so we don't loose our shit where everyone can figure out what's going on. I figure we'll get bored of each other and be done with it before too long."
"And the bond?" Spock asked skeptically.
Jim shrugged. "I've gotten more practice with shielding and stuff."
"Stuff."
"Stuff, you know, my mental abilities." Jim rolled his eyes. "I'm no empath, and I can't read thoughts, but I could probably break the bond myself if I tried."
Spock quirked an eyebrow at him. "Then do so."
Jim scowled, scrunching up his nose in distaste and squeezing his eyes shut. It would have been endearing, if he were in anyway endeared to Spock. He just crossed his arms over his chest, waiting patiently. There was a sharp, inexperienced tug on the bond, and Spock nearly snorted in derision. After the third time, he grew tired of the sharp pain it was starting to cause, and severed it cleanly. Jim's eyes flew open with a growl.
"I was getting it."
"It is a wonder I myself can break the bond." Spock told him. "And that is only because it is not even a fledgling bond, but the faintest awareness of each other. Were it to grow any stronger, I fear we would need a healer to remove it."
Jim curled his lips in distaste. "Oh, so you feel now? Fear is it?"
"Put a shirt on and leave." Spock told him.
"And if I don't?" Jim challenged.
"My students will be highly curious as to why you are lounging half naked in my office during office hours." Spock finally located the styluses, having been stuffed into a drawer.
Jim flushed, snatching up his shirt. "We aren't done with this discussion, and you know it."
... .. . .. ...
All he could see was red, which made it impressive that he was speaking so evenly. All he wanted to see was green. The green blood of that smug bastard that would dare take the one thing he had shared freely with no one else, and throw it in his face in front of the entire academy. Fuck him and his suspension. Jim was getting on one of those ships if he had to break every rule in the book to do it.
... .. . .. ...
He could feel it, when Vulcan was destroyed. Maybe not as fiercely as a Vulcan, sure, but it was there, stinging in his mind. And Amanda. He felt her loss too, wanted to curl up and cry for the woman he had only known for a short while, but loved like his own mother. When Spock looked in his eyes, he saw that, but all he heard was opposition. He had to get rid of him, before he broke both of them.
... .. . .. ...
He would have sworn, when the old man flooded his mind with information, but all he could focus on was the staggering influx of emotions. It wasn't emotional transference, not completely. That faint spider web gossamer had returned, the barest hint of his Spock's mind, too far for a real bond to be forged, but a momentary hint, an implication of the other's existence.
... .. . .. ...
Of all things, this wasn't exactly how he pictured the bond flaring to life. But their shields were down. And it saved his life, in part, for the faint trickle of emotion to suddenly bombard each of them. Sarek watched helplessly, horrified that his son could act in such a way to his T'hy'la, even if the bond had been broken. He knew nothing of their various encounters. Nothing of them having seen each other again before that day. And he did not see the way they looked at each other, too distraught to imagine cutting the bond.
... .. . .. ...
His blood sang in anger. How? How could Spock be kissing her? He tried humor, to disguise his jealousy, but he knew Spock could feel it. They had no time for shields, a fact that proved useful when they beamed aboard. And Spock stopped him, aboard the ambassador's ship, before he could go.
"Jim, if I do not succeed, tell Lieutenant Uhura-"
"It'll work." Jim cut him off, feeling a wash of pain that even now he thought of her, speaking with such…emotion.
"Tell her I-"
"It'll work." Jim insisted, and turned to go.
Spock caught his wrist, forcing him to face him. "Tell her I am sorry I could not love her as I do you. Tell her I am sorry, but there is only one I could have ever wished to be bonded to."
He wasn't really sure what he was saying. He was emotionally compromised, and about to fly to his death, and surely couldn't mean what he was saying.
After, when he spoke to his counterpart, he still couldn't believe his own words. They seemed naïve, like the cheesy words a hero would spout off in some story before confronting the villain. He found the thought that anything could be like it was before to be distasteful at best, and yet the elder implied it was destiny. Not because it must be so, but because it was.
Pike told him Jim was threatening to quit. They had talked him into one milk run, but if he wasn't satisfied, he was going to resign from Starfleet. That was what made Spock realize that, in some sense, Jim needed him. In the very least, he couldn't just let him bring the crew to inevitable harm on his first, if only, mission, as he was no doubt want to invite.
... .. . .. ...
It took three days. Three days after Spock accepted the position as First Officer and they shipped out. The command crew, and Chekov, were convened in Rec. room one. Everyone had decided to give them room to celebrate their first voyage. It was officers only, so they could make as big of fools of themselves as they should be able to on their first voyage celebration. Spock was very calmly seated by the door, watching the festivities. Like the vibrations of a spider web, alerting its spinner to prey, Spock was aware of Jim's approach. He had yet to break the bond. It had simply never come up, and he was loath to do it when they were not in the same room.
Propriety, or something.
A few people hushed as Jim entered the room, but mostly the conversations simply dimmed. Jim's eyes were locked on Spock, and no one really wanted him to take notice of them if they could help it. All at once, Jim crossed the few steps between them and practically sank into Spock's lap, pulling him into a somewhat awkward, if forcefully tender embrace. Ignoring the others in the room, Spock gently slipped his arms around Jim's waist.
"Captain?"
"I am so fucking sorry." Jim whispered, voice loud in the very, very silent room.
"Jim…"
"I never realized it would hurt so much." Jim continued. "I…I can feel it. I'm so sorry. You know I loved Amanda too."
The crew had no idea what was going on. So they continued to watch in the most unobtrusive way they could, hoping more information would present itself. Spock closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"I am aware. She cared for you as well."
"And I said…" Jim choked out a half sob. "I am such an asshole."
Spock buried his face in Jim's hair to keep from chuckling. "You are not an asshole Jim."
"Sound a little more sincere, will you?" Jim pulled back, wiping at his face in case any tears had actually formed.
Spock quirked an eyebrow at him. "I will endeavor to do so."
"And what the fuck was that back there?" Jim snapped, finally glad to move on from his guilt.
Both of Spock's eyebrows shot up. "To what are you referring."
"You flew that ship into the Narada." Jim accused.
"I-"
"No." Jim cut him off before he could even start, smelling the bull he was about to feed him from a mile away. "Do you have any idea how fucking terrifying that was? If you ever pull a stunt like that again I'll kill you myself."
Spock's lips twitched through a smirk. "I can not discern the cause of your distress, Jim."
"How about the fact that my husband almost killed himself?"
The room echoed with a collective gasp, and the sound of several drinks slipping from their owner's hands. Jim was well aware they were there, and that he would have a lot of explaining and apologizing to do. Especially to Uhura, who had only just found out Spock wasn't in love with her. Spock's grip on his waist tightened, and his eyes darkened momentarily.
"You have chosen to accept my proposal?"
"Spock." Jim sighed, leaning forward to bring their foreheads together with a smack. "I've been in love with you since I was five. Destiny can go fuck itself, I want you."
"I see." Spock did smiled at him, knowing no one would be able to see it through Jim. "T'Pau will insist on presiding over the wedding."
Jim groaned. "Oh god. That old bat is still around? I thought she would have kicked the bucket when I was like eighteen or something,"
"Would someone mind telling us what the hell is going on?" McCoy snapped.
And they did, wincing occasionally at how very fairytale like it sounded out loud. Sure, they glossed over a few of the more…intimate…details, but the crew learned most of what happened, and they gained a new understanding for what had happened between them. Time traveling Romulans and irrational actions as kids couldn't change the fact that, bonded or not, they fell in love. And just like Amanda had insisted, if it were meant to be, it would. It wasn't destiny because it had to be, but because they chose it, in the end.
... .. . .. ... ... .. . .. ... ... .. . .. ...
So yeah. And yes, I know Jim and Spock are actually three years apart, assume all discrepancies are just after Jim's birthday and before Spock's or something. I don't care.