Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

AU set in the New Moon time frame. Edward has his reasons for leaving after the birthday incident.

He expects the family to start packing, but Alice stands up to him and says: NO.

I submitted this for the Fics4Nashville Flood Relief Program.

Stephenie Meyer owns these characters. I'm just moving them in a different direction.

Thanks to Hippogriff-Tamer, u2shay, Leelan Oleander, LJ Summers, kejce and AMayes for being my pre-readers!

Yes, I needed them all and they were lots of help.

~!~!~!~

~Chapter One~

~!~!~!~

Edward was surprised to see the house lit up when he approached it in the early evening gloom. He had left Bella, and his heart, hours before in the woods behind her home. It had only taken him moments to forge a note for Charlie informing him of her whereabouts and to take and hide the evidence of his reality under her floorboards. Taking the items with him would have been the prudent choice, but he just couldn't totally remove himself from her life. Just another lie to heap upon the many that he told her in the woods.

He had then driven for miles down the coast and back, trying to come to terms with what he had just done. It was for the best he kept repeating over and over. A small part of his mind wondered why he was trying to convince himself of the rightness of his decision.

Edward had been over and over her reactions as he drove back to his home. He was shocked at how readily she had accepted the lies. Surely that's what he wanted? He should have been happy that she seemed to believe him when he said he no longer wanted her. Her tears were branded in his memory. He deserved to be whipped by the pain he saw etched on her face.

As he stepped out of his car, his mind was filled with the mental voices of his family coming from inside the brightly lit structure.

All of his family...

He had thought that Alice and Jasper were deep in Canada somewhere, regrouping after the incident at Bella's party. And surely Esme would have finished with the packing and she and Carlisle should have been well on their way to Alaska.

Even though he knew they were all there waiting, he couldn't get a fix on their thoughts. Nearly all of them were blocking him with inane mental chatter of fashion, medical journals, recipes, the Civil War…and sex. Only Rosalie's thoughts were loud and clear: You are an idiot.

That wasn't different than any of her thoughts from the moment he had met Bella. But the tenor was somehow different now. She was calling him a moron, and worse, for reasons that were unclear.

As he stepped into the foyer, he was surprised to find that the boxes that had been stacked when he left, ready for the shipping company, were gone. The furniture was no longer covered with dust sheets and the house looked like it always did, lived in and welcoming.

The family was all sitting in their favorite places: Esme and Carlisle on the loveseat with his arm around her shoulders, Rosalie on the couch with Emmett on the floor before her, Jasper in the overstuffed chair with Alice tucked close on his lap.

"Jasper, Alice, I thought you were still running somewhere?" A wealth of anger and implication was in Edward's voice as he addressed his siblings. Jasper's thoughts were still blocked, but Edward heard the guilt and shame in them.

No one spoke as Alice got to her feet. When Jasper went to rise with her, she motioned him back to his seat. He sat back, but Edward could see that he was poised to come to her aid at a moment's notice.

Edward narrowed his eyes. "What's going on? I thought it was decided that we would be moving on." He still couldn't get a clear reading on anyone's thoughts.

"No, Edward, you decided that we would be moving away. But, as I told the family, that isn't the best thing in this situation." Alice wasn't a very tall person, but the energy crackling around her at this moment made her appearance commanding.

"I know that Esme and Carlisle were willing to move on, for you, even though their hearts were breaking at the thought of leaving their daughter. And Rosalie, even though she didn't like the idea of moving so soon, was willing to do so to keep our secret." Alice paused and looked at each member of the family. They nodded to her and she turned back to pin Edward with her golden eyes.

"The decision to stay is based on visions that I saw earlier today. I've shared them with our family and they agree: we cannot leave Bella now." Alice squared her shoulders, obviously waiting for the verbal attack she had seen headed her way.

"NO! We have to leave, to keep Bella safe. We've been living a lie, thinking that she could be a part of our family. She's human, her memories will fade and she'll live the life she was always supposed to live without us in it, drawing danger to her." Edward's voice rang out through the quiet room. Looking at Alice, he pointed a finger at Jasper. "Did you forget what your husband nearly did to your best friend?"

Once again Jasper started to rise but Alice's raised hand stopped him.

"Edward, Jasper lost his focus for just a moment when Bella cut her finger on the paper. Emmett and I would have stopped him before he got another step closer to her. But you overreacted. You are the one that knocked her out of the way, and into the table and the stemware, causing the gash in her arm that needed stitches." By now Alice had her finger in the middle of Edward's chest and she was poking it into the expanse as she made her points. A wince crossed his face at the force of her touch.

"Part of the problem is that you have been worried about Jasper's control since you met Bella. If you had let him get closer to her, his control would have built up. But, no, you always have to have the last word. Well, that stops now." Alice spun away from Edward and stood next to Jasper's chair. She reached down and took his hand in hers, smiling into his eyes. "Jasper is sorry and he's dedicated himself to getting control around my best friend. Bella told me to pass on to him that she forgave him and that she wouldn't hold it against him. Edward, you need to let it go too. You need to believe in Bella, in Jasper…and in yourself."

Edward was already shaking his head in denial. "Bella doesn't know just how dangerous we are."

Before he could continue, Rosalie had leapt to her feet and was standing in front of him. "Edward, don't you think she got a clue when James was throwing her around like a rag doll? When he bit her and started pumping venom into her wrist?" She scoffed and her finger also rapped him hard on the chest. "That's what you never saw clearly. She knows what we are. She knows what an emo, brooding person you are and she loves you anyway."

Edward's mouth hung open as he heard Rosalie, of all people, defending Bella's love for him. "Rose, I thought that you, out of everyone here, would understand why we have to leave."

Rose spun back to the couch and sat gracefully down behind Emmett. He reached over his shoulder and held her hand, kissing it gently. After smiling at her husband, Rosalie looked up at Edward. "Bella has proven herself to me. She never even hinted at our secret to anyone else. She put up with you and your stupid rules and inhibitions, and she made you happy. Never thought I'd see that. Your mood, for the most part, has been a wonderful change of pace around the house. I'm not ready to move again and if we have to have Bella around so that we can stay, so be it."

Alice stepped forward again. "I know you decided that our leaving was for the best, but you are wrong. You think that Bella will just forget about us and live a human life, finding love again at some point. You were going to tell me not to look into her future, but I saw that vision while Jasper and I were gone. The visions are what brought us back here, now. She is not going to be able to move on. She is not going to find happiness. The next several months are going to be pure torture for her." Edward's eyes closed as Alice made her points. "Edward, you don't see yourself clearly, Bella, even as a human, does. And it's you she wants, not some pale human existence."

"No, she can't make that choice. She doesn't know…" Edward started to defend his position.

"So, you get to make the choice for her, Edward? Without her input? Why, Edward? What makes you the last word on what's right? It's not fair to Esme and Carlisle to make them leave their daughter. It's not fair to Emmett to make him leave his little sister. It's not right to make me leave my best friend. And it's most definitely not right for you to walk away from your mate." Alice was once more in front of him, glaring into his eyes. The look of agony on his face caused her to soften her words. "If she doesn't know all the facts, then tell her all about us, all of it. Let her make an informed decision. Right now she loves you and that's enough for her. You need to grow up, old man, and accept it. She. Loves. You."

Carlisle stood up. He didn't approach Edward as he looked intently at him. "Son, I know that part of your fear is that you think so badly of yourself. We've had the discussions about our souls. You won't let me convince you that we have them. The way you love Bella should cement the fact in your mind that we do."

Edward was shaking his head in denial but before he could say anything Emmett stood beside Carlisle, his large arm wrapped around his maker.

"Edward, look at Carlisle. Can you really tell me that you think he has no soul? How many lives has he saved, first by not giving into his nature and second by using his remarkable skills as a vampire to become a better doctor?" Emmett squeezed Carlisle's shoulders before stepping closer to where Edward stood. "Look at Esme; she loves each of us like we were her own flesh and blood…or venom. She only wants the best for us, all of us, all of the time."

He pointed at Alice and Jasper. "Yeah, the Pixie annoys us, with all the shopping and her tornadic personality, but is she evil? Is she bad? Does she really have no soul? She's your sister in every way that matters." Taking a deep, unnecessary breath Emmett pointed at himself. "Do you really think that I'm without a soul? I love you all, my brothers, my sisters…and that includes Bella, and my parents. I love Rosalie more than I ever thought I could love anyone. She's my everything. Surely the fact that we can love proves that we have souls."

"Most of us have killed people. A few of us have killed lots of people. I've killed dozens of humans. That makes me a monster in my book," Edward exclaimed. He looked tortured as he thought back over the people that he had drained in his rebellious years.

"Dude, you feel badly about that, don't you? Even though the very nature of what you are pushes you to do that. You gave in…then. But now you feel remorse and guilt and you fight against the urge daily. Those are human feelings. You sincerely feel badly that you did that, don't you?"

"Yes, but…" Edward tried again to heap more blame upon himself but Emmett stopped him before he could get more than a couple of words out.

"No, that's all of it. Yes, you killed, but you feel regret and you've tried to atone for your wrongdoings. Only creatures with souls would do that."

"But what about those vampires that DON'T feel badly for their actions? There are so few of us that even try to live without killing humans. We have souls, and they don't?" Edward was throwing more logic at Emmett, trying to get him to back down from his stance.

"We all know that we can live, and live well, on animal blood. It's not like we have to live off of humans. I think those that don't try to live by the Good Book are going to have to face up to their actions. Just because we are at the top of the food chain, it doesn't mean that this is all there is. When I die that final death, tomorrow or eons from now, I believe that I will have to face judgment for the way I've lived my life, both of my lives. Carlisle and I have discussed this at length. And we both believe it."

Edward was trying to form a retort when a gasp left Alice's lips as her eyes glazed over. The fury in her face as she looked up at Edward made him take a large step back and away from her. Jasper was at her side, supporting her with his hands on her shoulders as she stared angrily up at Edward.

"What do you see, Alice?" Jasper asked as he tenderly held her small form.

"You left Bella in the woods? Alone?" Alice looked at Emmett. "Get a blanket; we need to get to her." Jasper started toward the door with her, but she put a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, but she's scraped her hands and knees in several places, there's a bit of blood. Given time you will be able to handle her blood, but not yet. She was trying to follow our brother when he left her. She's off the trail and much deeper in the woods than she ought to be. And it's really starting to rain hard."

Esme gasped and began sobbing into her hands as she thought about her daughter lost and alone in the woods. Carlisle held her close, trying to comfort her. "Should I come too, Alice? Is she hurt badly?"

Another glazed look crossed Alice's face. "No, she's only scraped, cold and wet. She's been out there since Edward left her there a couple of hours ago. There's a search underway, based at her house. The Chief is organizing it. He looked for her after he found the note that Edward forged."

Everyone turned to look at Edward where he still stood in the middle of the room. "Well," Alice asked, "Are you coming with us? Are you going to make this right?" Although she had seen his decision, she felt like she should offer him a chance to change his mind.

The look on his face was one of torment. They could see his emotions chase one another across his features: anguish, fear, sadness…and finally resolve.

"I am not good for Bella. It's because of our relationship that horrendous things have happened to her." Before Emmett could point out verbally that he had saved her from Tyler's van and from the rapists in Port Angeles, Edward continued. "Yes, I saved her in the parking lot and in the alley, but both times she was actually distracted by thoughts of me. If I had never been in her life, things might have gone differently. I'm taking myself out of the equation. I am leaving. It's the best thing for her, are you all coming, or not?" He looked each family member in the face, and while some looked to be considering his request, Alice stepped into the middle of the room before they could voice their decision.

"That is not the best plan for Bella, no matter what you think." Visions of Bella moving through life like a ghost quickly rushed through Alice's mind and Edward winced at each one of them. "I will not abandon my best friend." At Alice's decision, the visions changed, slightly. Bella still looked sad, but not emaciated and nearly comatose. It wasn't a vast improvement, but at least she didn't look like she was at death's door.

"Alice, I just can't…" Edward stopped, his voice breaking.

Closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath Alice whispered, "I know, Edward. Go and fight your demons. We'll all be here when you're ready to come home."

With a nod at the others, Emmett and Alice sprinted out of the door, anxious to get to Bella.

Edward closed his eyes and drew in a shuddering breath. When he opened them, Esme was standing before him. She threw her arms around his waist and he held her close. "Edward, please don't go. It will be all right, we can make it right."

Squeezing her gently before dropping his arms, Edward tried to smile down at Esme. "I can't be here, near her and not be with her. I'm not worthy of being with her." When Esme tried to speak, he put his fingers gently against her lips. "No, Mother, this is the way it has to be. I've been thinking about Victoria. I'm worried that she may come after Bella. I'm going to try and find her. I'll check in when I can…" And with that he disappeared up the stairs. Moments later they heard his balcony door open and close and they knew he was gone.

~!~!~!~

A/N...This isn't very long story...only nine chapters ranging in length from 773 words to 3272 words. A big change from my massive chapters...The story is complete and I'll post a chapter every other day.

Chapter Two preview:

Emmett held Bella closer and growled, the rough sound reverberating through the damp woods. "I don't think so, dude."

Alice stepped in front of Emmett and crouched in a defensive posture. "We're taking her back to her father. Step aside."

Thanks for reading...and I'd love to hear what you think.

Kathie