Always Hopeful: this is the angsty piece I wanted you to read. I know you're always hopeful but not everyone is. Right now I'm not.

Disclaimer: not mine, you can hardly see the parallels between this fic and the actual story

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"I don't want to live anymore Hermione!"

I felt tears prickle at the back of my eyes. I knew things had been tough on Harry, especially with the prophecy but I had no idea that he wanted to kill himself.

I knew he had been cutting and that he needed to stop but I didn't think it had gotten this bad. I mean he had never been that depressed. Sure he would have moments of anger or incredible sadness, especially after Sirius died but wasn't that all part of being a teenager?

I know I get upset and cry myself to sleep and find everything overwhelming but I've never been able to cut myself, to watch that blood pour out because of me. How can he?

Harry just seemed to break down. Sure the twins died and Merlin knows how upset I am, I cry myself to sleep, sometimes I sleep with Ginny but the way Harry just began to squeeze his palms together and cry. It was like he lost control.

As I tried to hold him he just remained stiff, the tears furiously running down his face. His hands were soon scratching at his arms, legs, anyplace they could reach and it took all my strength to try to keep them still.

It took almost an hour but I managed to get him to sit though I was still holding him. He began to speak through his sobs. Everything came out, his guilt over his parents' death, Sirius' death, the twins' and the whole fact that the end of the war rested on his shoulders.

I don't know if he is really string enough to overcome this. He needs to have faith in himself to defeat Voldemort and right now he doesn't. He doesn't even love himself.

No matter how much I love him and let him know. No matter how much I tell him I love him in the hopes that he will stop cutting. He just can't stop or cope. How can I help him?

The simple answer everyone gives is to just be there for him. But how do you do that? I mean here he is a seventeen year old boy who has to defeat a wizard who has killed so many so that the whole world can be safe, how can I be there for him? Does it mean listening to him? Staying by his side when things get especially tough? Always supporting him, even when he makes a wrong decision?

I have done that and so much more but it hasn't helped. Am I really being there for him? I can't be if it has reached this point. Oh Merlin he wants to kill himself. How am I meant to deal with that when I don't know how to deal with my own problems?

I love him, he is one of my best friends and we share everything but I am so afraid that he'll take me down with him. I love him so much that life without him wouldn't be the same nor would it be without Ron.

He really doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve to have the rest of the Wizarding World trusting him with their lives, making that trust so well known. He is a teenager and if his behaviour is anything to go by he is so confused, upset and afraid that he doesn't believe he can save them. Sometimes I think he may have lost all his hope.

Then there are times when he stops cutting, just for awhile and things are good, well better at least. Then something happens, normally an attack, and everything reverts back to normal. How can I stop that when he is the one needed to stop Voldemort?

It is one vicious circle and I am a part of it, we all are. How can I help Harry stop it when he has no idea how? When he doesn't believe he can? And when he is not prepared to do so?

A/N: A little angsty piece cause my life ain't so great right now.

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