It rained.
Again or still, depending on how you looked at it. Lily's eyes followed the drops that were pressed against the window pane by the wind.
They ran down slowly.
Her mind should be sad, or at least empty, but it wasn't. It was focused. It was stuck to a memory that she was desperately trying to classify.
Yellow eyes glared at her from the dark corner and she screwed up her eyes. She could have sworn, no, she was sure he had been here.
It wasn't an imagination. But how could that be and where had he disappeared so quickly. And why wasn't she afraid?
Maybe it was her subconscious that desperately tried to distract her from her pain and loss, maybe her body was pushing her to think of something else.. or someone else. There was no other way she could explain it. Where else should her absurd fascination come from?
She wasn't the type who instantly fell in love with anyone, she wasn't the person who adored the quarterbacks on the sidelines, lasciviously drinking her milkshake and giggling at every stupid joke. Granted, Alex was a football player, but that had nothing to do with it. On the contrary, it made the beginning even more difficult.
Alex.
Her heart tightened and she held her breath. When would it stop hurting?
"Everything OK?"
His soft voice rang out next to her and she winced. Where did he come from now?
"Forgive me."
He must have noticed her reaction because he immediately bowed his head in apology. In his hands he held her files in front of him, like a shield. Lily's eyes studied him and she took a deep breath. He did not wait for her answer but began his round.
Cold hands felt down her knees and she drew in a sharp breath. He stopped immediately and looked at her questioningly.
"Does it hurt?"
She was so embarrassed about her answer that she wondered if she should just lie. But what was the point, he was her doctor after all.
"No."
She turned away and he continued his examination. If she thought his presence confused her, it was nothing compared to his touch.
As if his fingers were sending light pulses of electricity down her body, there was no other way of explaining it. It wasn't painful, on the contrary.
It was nice.
Too nice.
Much too pleasant for the touch of a doctor.
Suddenly he stopped. He stared at the white sheet and Lily couldn't help but look at him intently. His blond curls were combed back from his face and looked as if he had run his hand through it multiple times.
"I heard Mr. and Mrs. Johnson were here?"
Although there was no one else in the room, he spoke so softly as if he wanted to tell her a secret. She nodded and only later noticed that he couldn't see her gesture. Finally she cleared her throat.
"Uh yes. They were here."
Her voice sounded strange, she hadn't used it for too long. His index finger touched the inside of her thigh and she gasped.
Immediately his light brown eyes found her face and he looked at her worried.
"Does it hurt here?"
She could feel the blood pouring into her face and was even more tempted to lie. At least, they had turned off the heart monitor. But her body had apparently taken on its role of traitor. Thanks for nothing, she thought sourly.
She didn't trust her voice and just shook her head. Suddenly his eyes darkened and he turned back to her leg. Was that what she had just imagined?
"Did you talk?"
The familiar tone with which he addressed her was not hidden from her, but it did not bother her. She was 18, fresh out of high school, and he was her doctor, probably in her mid-thirties, although he looked a lot younger.
His question called the memories and she closed her eyes.
It was cruel.
Dreadful.
But contrary to expectations, the pain didn't hit her as usual. It was weakened. She noticed the terrible memory but she was not carried away by it. Her brow furrowed in confusion. Suddenly he looked up and her breath caught again. His eyes were a mixture of honey and gold again. She looked at him for a few seconds until she noticed that he was waiting for an answer.
"Yes we have. Oh well. They talked, I listened and apologized. "
Now it was his turn to knit his eyebrows together. A skeptical look spread across his flawless face that did not diminish his beauty.
"Apologized? For what?"
Lily was speechless. For the accident? For death? For her surviving? For everything? It was a subject she didn't want to discuss, especially not with him.
He must have had enough on his mind, even without her complaining.
"What does the knee look like?"
Her diversion was awkward, but she didn't mind. He backed away a little and looked down at her knee again. She could see that the change of subject bothered him.
"Good so far. The wound healing is as expected, I think we can start the therapy soon! "
His voice carried none of the emotion that had recently been on his face, it sounded professional and cold.
Lily nodded and took a deep breath. She still felt a pain in her chest. Her ribs were still offended and she inevitably made a face.
"Do you still feel the bruise?"
Lily nodded automatically and grabbed her right side with one hand. Even her light touch triggered a pain that she hadn't registered before.
Immediately he leaned over her and carefully traced the last costal arch with one hand. She took a breath and paused. What kind of scent was that?
He didn't smell of perfume, hair gel, or mouthwash.
It wasn't anything she could name.
He just smelled good.
Automatically she leaned her head in his direction and took another careful breath.
Suddenly he stepped away and froze. Her heartbeat was pounding against her chest now, and even if he couldn't feel it, he could probably hear it. Although he wasn't looking at her, she could see the dark eyes that were still fixed on her ribs.
Suddenly he backed away even further and mumbled something unintelligible. He disappeared from the room so quickly that Lily didn't have time to react.
It was almost like an escape. But why? Was it so uncomfortable for him? Was she that obviously? Had he been called and she hadn't heard it?
Why was she worrying so much at all.
Dr. Cullen didn't show up that day again and Lily hated that she even noticed. As always, she had little appetite and only ate a few bites to be left in piece by the nurses. They had threatened her with a nasogastric tube - that finally had an effect.
It was getting late and the walls felt closer than usual. Although her hospital room was much larger than the nursery she grew up in, it suddenly seemed oppressive and small.
She was exhausted.
She had done nothing but lay around sniffing her doctor and finally chasing him away. The loneliness overwhelmed her and she thought for the first time whether she should turn on the television.
Finally she gave in to the boredom and slowly reached for the remote control. She held it in her hands and stared blankly at it. The memory came immediately. She fought with Alex about the supremacy of the television program and, as always, won. Lily had indicated more than once that he wanted to see what she switched on anyway - he just wanted to argue with her.
She felt the tears sting her eyes and her hand tightened her grip. The hard plastic didn't give in and she finally tossed the remote as hard as she could against the wall. The noise was quieter than she had thought and no parts splintered on the floor. Apparently the thing was more robust than she thought or she was just too weak.
"What happened? Is everything ok?"
His voice startled her so much that she sat up with a jerk and grabbed her side, twisted in pain. Immediately she felt his cool hands on her body.
"Careful."
His gaze searched her body as if looking for injuries. She huffed as if she could be hurt more than she already was. What else should happen to her?
"Should I wake one of the nurses?"
She shook her head quickly. She didn't have to go to the bathroom, luckily.
"No, I just wanted ... I don't know."
Her answer didn't frustrate him, on the contrary. It seemed like he was relieved that she was saying anything at all.
"Have you trouble sleeping ? I could prescribe you something for it? "
She shook her head again. Sleeping pills were the last thing she wanted. It was as if with each chemical substance their dreams became more and more confusing.
"No, it's okay. I was just... bored. "
A slight smile spread across his red lips and her heart pounded. After all, it was too dark for him to see her blush.
"I know. Night shifts in Forks aren't exactly thrilling "
His voice was open and friendly, Lily expected him to leav her but he surprised her.
With one fluid movement he pulled a chair over to her bed and sat down. Inevitably she sat a little more upright. She didn't want any visitors or talk to anyone, but something about him was so… attractive to her that she couldn't not enjoy his company. He was a mystery, a distraction, and God knew her mind needed a distraction.
The silence spread tenaciously in the room and Lily's mind raced.
Should she say something? But what? What could she say that would interest him?
"Do you want to talk about it?"
His velvety voice broke through her thoughts and Lily stopped, embarrassed. Of course he wanted to talk about her accident.
What else?
What else would a man like him want from her? Her company?
He was a doctor, that was what he did.
He treated people, he talked to them. It was his job just as she was his job.
No more and no less.
This insight frustrated her immensely and she was disappointed. Where her feelings came from was a mystery to her.
"No not really."
He nodded and ran a hand through his hair. Even in the dark, she couldn't ignore the attractiveness of the gesture.
"My son Edward was involved in an accident."
His voice didn't sound worried, rather frustrated.
Immediately she her eyes widened. Was he trying to say that-
"He's fine. But it makes ... everything a bit complicated. "
Lily nodded and trained her gaze on him. She knew he had children - at least adoptive children. The nurses didn't stop talking about it, just one more thing that made him even more holy. So maybe he was an angel after all?
"Why?"
He seemed surprised by her question.
"Because .. it's hard to explain. Edward was a little overwhelmed by the whole thing. He needed a break. "
She cocked her head. She didn't know how old Edward was, but she was obviously old enough to take some time off. You could not blame him for it.
"Understandable."
"Yes. Allegedly."
Lily wondered why he was telling her that. It didn't make sense. Or maybe he just wanted to get rid of it. And where were thoughts safer than with the damaged, sad girl who did not speak a word with anybody.
"I hope he'll get better soon."
Her words were heartfelt, even if she didn't know him. The look on the doctor's flawless face was a bit too sad for her taste. It was quiet for a long time and Lily wondered if she had gone too far.
Suddenly he moved his head and his bright eyes lit up. She gasped. She remembered the eyes in the corner in the middle of the night.
He had been here, for sure. He was standing at the other end of the room and had stared at her. And how could he disappear just like that?
And why was he there?