Nana - you will have to wait and see ;)
erickahime - thank you so much, I really hope youre still interested :)
It was uncomfortable.
More than that.
It was terribly uncomfortable.
Lily tried to keep her gaze away from the two people as best she could and stared stubbornly at the wall behind them. The silence that had spread was so heavy and charged that she almost couldn't stand it. Worst of all, she couldn't even get up to get out of the situation. She was tied to the bed, unable to escape and had to endure the embarrassing atmosphere.
It was exactly 4 minutes since nurse Mary asked Dr. Cullen out on a date. It was exactly 3 minutes and 22 seconds ago that he declined with a mere "No, thanks.".
How did Lily know?
On the one hand, because she has been staring at the clock and watching the hand ever since, and on the other, because nurse Mary apparently thought it would be a good idea to ask this question in the middle of a round.
His rejection was so heartbreakingly friendly that it made things even worse.
He smiled good-naturedly at her and politely said no, as if she had asked him if he wanted something from the cafeteria.
The only good thing about it, for the first time in a month, she wasn't the cause of the bad mood. It wasn't her accident, her injury, the death of her friend that devoured all happiness around her.
It was the dejected expression on nurse Mary's face and the continued politness from Dr. Cullen.
The silence was only broken by a few instructions he gave her. She made a note of everything and continued to look at him longingly.
Lily saw immediately that she wasn't giving up. Not yet. Maybe it was the polite refusal, or maybe the price was too tempting. Dr. Cullen the bachelor.
You didn't just give up.
The mood suddenly improved when nurse Mary left the room to schedule the examinations he had just ordered. Lily's gaze wandered to his pale beautiful face and it took only a few moments until his eyes automatically found hers.
As always, she felt her heart skip.
"Well that was uncomfortable."
His lips curled up in a smile and she felt her cheeks get hot.
"You get used to it."
She knew he didn't mean it in a arrogant way, she already knew him that well. At least that's what she believed. He obviously had no idea about the effect he had on women and almost embarrassedly dismissed their enthusiasm. As if they were wrong, as if they saw something, that was not there. It made him even more tempting.
"Oh well, must be hard to be so pretty."
Dr. Cullen barked a laugh. A sound she had never heard before and her stomach contracted in a exciting way.
"It's a hardship, that's right."
His voice was velvety and sarcastic. There was something playful about her that she hadn't seen before.
She liked it.
She liked it so much that she wasn't ready to stop.
"How can you live like that."
Lily had no problem continuing the game and her heart was beating even faster as his grin spread and his eyes shone. He looked like a model.
"I'd rather call it merely an existence."
He grinned and his eyes twinkled, as if he was not only amused by their banter, but the word he just said.
"You avoid mirrors, shop windows ..." At the mention of mirrors his twinkle grew.
"-Nurses."
This time it was Lily who laughed. The sound sounded strange and foreign and she noticed that she hadn't laughed once since the accident.
Her expression immediately petrified.
What was she doing here?
She enjoyed herself with the handsome doctor while Alex was dead. Had she become such a person? Was she that easily distracted? What had he done to be forgotten that easily?
He noticed the abrupt change of mood immediately and the smile also disappeared from his lips. She immediately missed it and her guilty conscience manifested itself again.
What was wrong with her?
He opened his mouth and closed it immediately, she was glad. Surely he would say something heartbreakingly nice, something that would make her eyes teary and emphasize his perfection even more. The door opened and nurse Mary came in. You could always count on her to get a moment ruined.
"The CT is now ready, Dr. Cullen. "
Her voice was as sweet as sugar, as if it hadn't just been dumped 10 minutes ago. The pitying look disappeared and he thanked politely. She looked at his elegant smile and noticed the difference to the one he had given her just a few moments ago. He looked at the nurse in a professional way that it did not matter who was standing before him.
Inwardly she shook her head. There was no point in analyzing anything. Just because she wanted to see something didn't make it happen.
He nodded encouragingly and said goodbye. As always, he left a lot of emotions inside her that she couldn't interpret.
Again her gaze wandered to the window.
Soon it was summer, not that the rain really cared what season it was. She thought back to what Dr. Cullen had said.
Christmas.
It seemed so incredibly far away and it was. She would spend more than the half of the year in the hospital.
Dr. Cullen was confident that her knee would heal, but it would need more surgery. She wondered, how she still was in Forks and not in a bigger hospital like seattle, where there surely were more surgeons and capaticities. But at the same time she was glad, she got used to him and the feeling his merely being awoke in her. She loved and hated it, she still did not know what to do with the new sensation, but she knew, she did not want it to end.
There was a light knock on the door and she looked up in surprise. The nurses usually didn't knock, and Dr. Cullen knocked the moment he opened the door anyway. It was as if she wanted to warn her that he was entering the room rather than asking permission.
"Yes?"
The door opened timidly and she stared at Chief Swan's mustache.
"Hey."
His voice was low and growled. He had this unfriendly aura around him, and he was one of the kindest people she knew. At least his pity looked real and not fake.
"Hi Chief."
Carefully she sat up and he immediately waved it away.
"I just wanted ... we checked the ... car and cleared it. The scrap company found the cell phone, I thought you might want to have it? "
Reluctantly, he held up a clear plastic bag.
She stared at it like it was an alien. It was ridiculous, she'd spent so many hours a day with this little piece of technology and still didn't feel its absence. She swallowed.
"I can threw it away if you.."
"-No. Thank you, Chief. "
He nodded gratefully and put it on the little table next to her. Indecisive, his eyes searched the room and he scratched the back of his head.
"I asked the nurses if they had a charger. They will bring it to you. "
"Thanks, that's very nice."
"And how are you?"
She could literally feel how uncomfortable the situation was for him. It wasn't any better for her either.
"Good."
He nodded quickly and seemed grateful for the lie. He glanced at the door behind him.
"Okay. I should go then. My daughter, Bella, fell out of a window. Carlisle is examining her. "
Lily stared at him wordlessly. She had a thousand questions. When? Why? And above all .. how? But at the same time she didn't want to be too nosey either.
"No problem... I hope she will get better soon!"
He nodded his thanks and walked quickly to the door.
How could the chief's daughter fall out the window? Maybe drunk? But it was the chiefs daugher and it was Forks. She ignored the way her heart skipped a beat when he said the Doctors name.
Her mind was distracted by the small device next to her. The display was still intact. Strange that the accident that had cost a human life, completely wrecked a truck and crippled her - but the cell phone was almoste witough a scratch.
There was no point in taking a closer look, after a month it would be in need of a charger. What would she be doing with it anyways?
Look on Facebook and indicate crying emojis as status with a hashtag sad?
Suddenly she felt disgusted.
Who should she write to? The few friends she had were not from Washington, she had no family worth mentioning - at least none to whom she wanted to text or call.
She didn't know what she was more afraid of, the posts about Alex or the realization that no one would mourn the former football star after a month. In addition, she actually did not want to talk to someone. She didn't want to talk about her feelings or her condition, she didn't want to talk about what it was like to lose her first boyfriend. She didn't want to talk about how she couldn't escape the thoughts and memories no matter what she did.
She leaned back in the cushion again and stared at the ceiling. She would take care of it when the time came and not sooner.
It was before midnight when a soft knock tore her from her thoughts. Curious, she put her book aside and looked at the emergency button - had she accidentally leaned on it?
The door opened and a head with blonde locks appeared.
It seemed that he would stop by at least once every night shift and she wondered if he did that with all of his patients or only with those who were really pathetic.
"Am I disrupting?"
His voice was soft as always and she felt a shiver run down her back.
"No. I can't sleep anyway. "
Immediately he looked at her worriedly and she continued
"I lie around all day anyway, so I don't get particularly tired."
He nodded and twisted his mouth in a lopsided grin. It was the kind of grin that made your knees go weak. Even lying down she felt it.
"How is Bella?"
Dr. Cullen seemed surprised by her question and reacted a little strangely. As if he didn't feel comfortable that she knew about it.
"Good, according to the circumstances."
His answer was strikingly vague and Lily wondered what he was hiding.
"Chief Swan told me she fell out the window."
If she didn't know better, she'd say he looked relieved. He nodded quickly and grinned again.
"Yes. It seems like Bella is quite the magnet for bad luck. "
"Well... welcome to the club."
The smile didn't go away and Lily was happy. It was strange but his presence made everything better and his smile made the sun come up.
A terribly cheesy thought, Lily shuddered inwardly.
"I see Charlie brought your cell phone back to you."
He pointed to the pristine plastic bag next to her. She followed his gaze and stared at the strange piece of technology.
"Yup."
"Do you need a charger? I can bring you one. "
He sounded eager, as if it really mattered to him that he could help her.
"Nurse Hannah has already brought me one, thank you."
Dr. Cullen nodded and looked thoughtful. She knew he was wondering why it was still so untouched on the table.
"You don't want to turn it on?"
"No."
Her answer was not enough for him, she could see that much. He seemed to be evaluate his options.
"Why?"
Lily hadn't expected such a direct question, but she didn't mind either. The only thing that took her mind off the accident, the only thing that distracted her from the loss.
"I don't see any reason in it. Who should I text? "
She shrugged and noticed the emotion spreading across his face. He was sad. Even more. He really seemed unhappy. Why was it so bothering him? Why did he care that she had no one to text to?
He opened his mouth and immediately closed it again. Apparently he rejected the idea because he pointed to her book and changed the topic.
"What are you reading?"
She sighed in frustration.
"The worst book the hospital library apparently has to offer. Serious. Whoever left it here didn't deserve to read anything ever again. "
Immediately a big smile spread across his handsome face. Curious, he walked around her bed and carefully picked up the book.
"The last song, Nicholas Sparks."
He read aloud and opened the book to read a few lines.
"Apparently not a fan of romance novels?"
Lily snorted.
"Romance novel. Pride and Prejudice is a romance novel. That is ... no idea what that is. " She moved her hand in the direction of the book he still held in his hands.
"Do you read Jane Austen?"
"Now and then. Better than that, at least. "
"What else?"
His interest was palpable and she felt an excited tug in her stomach. Immediately she tried to downplay his interest. It was his night shift, apparently he was so bored that he even preferred her company to being alone.
She narrowed her eyes with strain.
"Depends on.."
"On what?"
His question shot instantly and she enjoyed his eagerness.
It didn't matter why he was here. He was. And she wanted it. She needed it.
"Mood? I once had a Tolstoy phase .. a Jack London phase .. I'm not even starting with Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. "
He nodded thoughtfully and drummed the book with his fingertips. She wished he would throw it out of the window. It was paradoxical that she read such a book in her pain, but since she hardly took it seriously, it didn't really bother her.
"Harry Potter?"
"Harry Potter, always ."
She grinned at her joke, altough he did not seem to understand it.
"Yes?"
"Obviously. Never read it before?"
Another grin. He seemed to enjoy her mood, as his eyes lit up even more, even if he did not understand it.
He shook his head and she let out a fake gasp.
"Muggle. And I always thought doctors were educated."
He laughed out loud and she felt her heartbeat in her throat. The mere thought that she could cause such a reaction from a man like him was.. unbelievable.
This time she didn't even have the strength to feel bad, it was as if her subconscious simply gave up and clung to the light he was with all its might.
Dr. Cullen handed her the worn book and their fingers touched for a second.
He must have felt the shock too, because he immediately flinched away and the book fell heavily into her hand. She looked at him in surprise, but he had apparently recovered so quickly that his gaze was illegible.
Only his eyes gave him away. They were dark and had none of the soft honey tone any more.