Thank you so much for the reviews, they are really my biggest motivation! As you have noticed, english is not my first language, so there may be some things that are off. Please overlook that and keep reading (and reviewing :) ) THANK YOU

It sounded stupid, even to her, that the mere hope of having someone, anyone, to stay by her side, gave her the strenght and hope she needed to complete physiotherapy.

Or maybe it was just her aversion to wheelchairs and the looks the got when she rolled around that pushed her on. Not that the looks are better with a crutch, but at least it made her feel like she wasn't entirely dependent.

His face beamed when he announced that she was expected to be released before October. A sight that made her knees go weak- even if she still sat in a wheelchair.

If she didn't know better, it was like he was even more excited about it than she was. As if there was an invisible deadline that he had to adhere to, as if everything would be different with her leaving the hospital. But, as always, she was probably interpreting too much. It was easy to dream and hope, she had to cut herself some slack.

When there was a knock on the door in late August and an elf-like person poked her short haircut head into her room, Lily was less surprised than she should be. The elf had spiky hair, large childish eyes and absolutely flawless features. She was relatively small, but exuded so much energy that Lily couldn't help but let herself be carried away by it.

"You are Lily, aren't you?"

Her voice sounded like little bells, bright and friendly, perfect in tone. Lily could only nod and the fairy clapped her hands ecstatically. She raced to her bed with outspread arms and stopped mere inches in front of her - as if she remembered something. Her smile only lapsed for a second before it reappeared on her perfect features. Immediately she put her hands down and looked at her happily.

"Carlisle told me to bring this to you. He's at a convention in Seattle. "

Before Lily could open her mouth, the elf interrupted her excited.

"He'll be back on Monday, don't worry."

Lily tried really hard not to let her face show anything, so she was more than embarrassed when the elf clearly had seen through her.

She held out the book that looked unmistakably like the goblet of fire.

"He also said, that he can't believe Ron is not helping his best friend because of his pride."

She quoted Dr. Cullen and even mimicked his barely noticeable accent. Lily tore her eyes away from the elf for a moment and stared at the book in her hands. Finally she found her voice again and mumbled slightly ashamed.

"Thanks."

If he was already at the argument between Harry and Ron, she had some catching up to do. Not that she didn't know what he was talking about.

"He also made me promise that I would take care of you while he was away. I'm Alice, by the way. "

Lily's eyes snapped up. Why did Dr. Cullen put one of his daughters on her?

"Dr. Cullen talked about me? "

Her voice was rough and misshapen compared to Alice's bell ringing. She grimaced.

"Naturally. So much in fact that it got a bit annoying. "

Her heart answered immediately. It beat wildly and Lily tried to calm down.

He was talking about her.

Much.

Dr. Cullen had told his family about her and had even annoyed them with it.

Alice laughed and it sounded clear and happy. As if she were hearing something very amusing.

"Thank you, that's very nice of you. But I don't think that- "

"Oh, I almost forgot that."

Alice interrupted her unabashedly and pulled a small box out of her pocket.

"Carlisle said your cell phone wasn't working."

She laid the box on Lily's lap and Lily stared at the Apple logo in shock. That her cell phone wasn't working was a lie, Dr. Cullen knew that. So why was he lying to his daughter?

"I can't possibly accept that-"

Alice interrupted her again, but she did it with so much charm that Lily didn't even bother.

"Don't worry, it's the old one from my brother. He doesn't need it! I also put my and Carlisle phone numbers in it. So if you need something, just text or call! "

She proudly pointed to the box again and Lily couldn't help but accept it. Alice exuded so much positive energy that it was impossible to feel bad. It was so strange, Lily hated gifts and rarely accepted one but it seems that she could not deny Alice anything.

"Thank you, that's really very nice of you."

"Never mind."

She was about to say something when her gaze suddenly got distracted.

"Unfortunately I have to go. It was nice to get to know you, see you soon! "

It soundet rather like a promise than a phrase and as soon as she appeared she disappeared again.

Shortly after she went out, a nurse came over and prepared her for a blood draw. Lily didn't feel the pain, her thoughts were still on this very strange encounter.

Her eyes were fixed on the box and her pride wanted to put it unopened in the drawer and then return it to Dr. Cullen. There was no way she could take advantage of the Cullen's good natures. What would he think of her? That she couldn't afford a new phone? Well it was true but she didn't want him to know that.

Suddenly she heard the unmistakable sound.

The nurse looked up.

"Don't you want to look?"

Lily swallowed. Maybe it was a friend of Alice's brother who hadn't noticed that he had a new cell phone. Maybe it was important. Finally she opened the box and a brand new iphone fell out.

Either the son of Dr. Cullen looked better after his things than any kid in the world, or it was really new. It didn't have a single scratch. The nurse finished and gave her another strange look. Lily knew that she was probably acting very weird. Finally she gathered up her courage and unlocked it.

Immediately the message flipped open and Lily took in a sharp breath.

I hope Alice didn't hold you up too long. Carlisle.

Her heart skipped. Her heart actually skipped. If it had still been connected to the monitor, the alarm would went off. She was sure of it. A variety of emotions spread in her stomach and she was glad that she had no witnesses to the horrified expression on her face.

With shaky hands, she picked up the cell phone and noticed that it was fully charged. Apparently Alice had thought of everything.

She briefly considered what to type. She had to reply that it would be awfully rude not to and she didn't want to offend him. But neither did she want to alllow herself to hope where there was none.

Finally she took a deep breath and started typing. It was strange how unfamiliar it felt, because she used to be on the phone all the time.

It's not like I have a lot to do. Thanks for the phone and the book, Dr. Cullen. Lily

She pushed send and wanted to throw it away. Hidden from the world and above all from yourself. He wasn't going to answer anymore, she was sure of that. He was just in Seattle, probably in the middle of a meeting. People would soon crowd around him,drawn too his looks, only to find that he was even more amazing on the inside. But she was wrong. Just a few seconds after she had send her message, the phone vibrated again.

Maybe it was Alice?

You're welcome. Nothing much to do? What about the 9 chapters? Carlisle.

Lily had to laugh. He was right that if she didn't already know the book by heart she would be in a lot of stress catching up with it all. She also noticed that he simply ignored her formal address.

She bit her lower lip. She suddenly felt better. He had this way, she couldn't put a finger on it, but everytime he made some sort of contact, her heart swelled.

You forget that I already know the books . Also unlike you Dr. Cullen, I'm not stuck in Seattle until Sunday. Lily

Again it only took seconds for an answer to come and Lily shook her head. Maybe he was having a break, or maybe he was hiding from a crowd of women. The latter was more likely.

You forget that we are not in the hospital. And that Congresses are terribly boring. Carlisle

Her heart stuttered. She stared at the display in disbelief. Was he really serious? Her mind was racing. Maybe she was dreaming. Maybe she had blood poisoning and was in a coma. There was no other explanation.

She was still staring at the words in front of her.

She had to answer. There was no other choice.

The hard life of a successful doctor. How tragic. He must go to a conference and stay in a 5 star hotel and even get paid. Where is Amnesty International?

Sarcasm. Her escape, Her lifeline.

...4 stars.

The dry answer came and Lily laughed again. Even when he wasn't here, he could easily steer her mind away from the deep hole of grief that seems to be always shadowing over her.

She didn't answer anymore, she didn't want to jinx it. What if he regretted giving her his number. And the phone too. She had to shake her head. She had to keep her distance.

But it seems that he had other things in mind.

She couldn't count the number of messages and she didn't want to. He always took the first step. And he kept on asking her things. The fact was that he was interested in her was so absurd to her. Why? Why would he waste his time? The more they wrote, the younger he seemed. Maybe he was some sort of miracle that went to college instead of highschool? But even then, he had to be at least 30. The fact was that she was absolutely bewitched by him and couldn't do anything about it did not help. Not even a guilty conscience stopped her. Could you love someone you just met? Well they knew each other a while now but it was definitely a doctor/patien relationship. At least in her eyes.

Did she love Carlisle? Or was she just infatuated?

It wasn't the first time that she used his given name in her mind, but it didn't change the effect it had on her either. Her heart jumped and her stomach contracted joyfully. Still, she could barely identify the feeling. She didn't dare to either.

When he came back, their routine continued. They discussed the books and he even mentioned more than once that he knew Lord of the Rings but had never read the whole thing. Lily gasped in mock shock and held her hand over her heart. He smiled happily at her and as usual she melted away.

It certainly hadn't taken long for his charm to work on her.

But there were other things that she started to take notice on. Things that she had never realize before but now stood out in such a way that she wondered how she could never have noticed them.

There was his ice-cold skin that she couldn't explain. No matter how warm it was, even in midsummer when a heat wave plagued Forks, his fingers were like icicles.

Also, she had never seen him eat before. At first she thought he might be eating in his office or with the others, but questions from nurses and colleagues about his company were blocked at any time. She had never thought about it, but lately it just seemed strange to her. In addition, he always looked irresistible. Always. It was always the same pale skin, the flawless features, the perfect bone structure, the lavender-colored circles under the eyes, the blond, slightly wavy hair, the clean-shaven chin and the pearly white teeth. It always looked, no matter what time it was or how long he had been working, as if it had come straight from a photoshoot.

And his eyes. Those eyes. You could choose from yellow, gold, okker to coal black depending on ... what? Lily thought about it. What was the reason for the color change and how was it possible? It couldn't possibly be the light as the lighting was always the same in her room. But what was it then?

His touch, ice cold and yet so craved. His fingertips triggered something in her that she couldn't name - she only knew: she wanted more. But that wasn't what bothered her. After all, she had known that for months. But only now do she see his reaction to it. His hesitation. Sometimes he backed away from her like she was burning hot and sometimes it seemed like he couldn't take his fingers off her skin.

Lily wondered why she had never noticed those things before. Maybe she had ignored them . Maybe his lame excuses, like his circulatory disorder, were enough for her, but why weren't they enough now?

Maybe it was her interest that made her suspicious. Maybe she had been so engulfed in her grief that she hadn't given those abnomalities a second thought.

But something was strange, something was off.

Something was really srange, but it wasn't what she was expecting.

He had told her that Alice had planned a birthday party for Bella, Edward's friend.

It got so far that Alice wrote to her that she would definitely save a piece of cake for her, as if Lily had somehow a reason to be involved. She thanked her, but she didn't understand. With a grin he admitted that Bella hated surprises and that he had persuaded Alice to give her at least a few hours' advance warning. The mood was relaxed and easy, he also talked about the cake and that he thought it was a shame that she couldn't be released until next week.

She wondered in silence if he would have invited her but rejected the thought immediately. Surely he meant something else. He spoke of his family with so much devotion that it warmed her heart and inevitably she wondered if he was speaking of her in a similar tone. He had told her about Emmett, the elephant in the china shop, and the anecdote that he had actually ruined something in a Chinese china shop once. And Rosalie, who was a tough nut to crack but had her heart in the right place if you made the effort to find it. Jasper, who was constantly working on himself, and Alice. Alice was a topic of her own because she was the only one she knew. It slipped out that the others also want to get to know her and Lily's heart stopped.

Especially Esme.

His sister.

She knew there were many rumors about her. At first it was being said, that she was his wive but he never clarified that until a year ago. Maybe he was using her as an excuse to get rid of the nurses, not that it was enough to keep them off his back.

She was the heart of the family, he had said, and his eyes had lit up slightly. Lily almost felt like she was one of them. A feeling that was so strange to her that she didn't even recognize it. But the adage was true, arrogance comes before the fall. And her fall was more painful than anything she could imagine.

It started with him avoiding her. He stopped writing to her and suddenly the rounds were done by Dr. Snow. She looked for excuses, her thoughts circled desperately looking for reasons that justified his behavior.

Maybe he was stressed, maybe there was a family problem. Maybe she had done or said something wrong? She fought with all her might against the idea that exactly what she had always feared had happened. She was his patient and he was her doctor. Now she was cleared, he was no longer responsible for her. Was that what she had been all along? A responsibilty? That thought broke somethin in her. More than that. It destroyed her. It broke her heart into million pieces and she wondered, how much pain it could endure in one year.

Finally she packed up her things as best she could and noticed how her hands were shaking. A few days earlier she had thought about asking Alice if she could stay with her for a few days. A very personal question, but Lily was so bewitched by herthat she would have dared. But thats off the table now.

The door opened and as if she had a sixth sense she could feel his presence immediately. She turned to stare at him.

He looked even more tired than usual and all radiance was gone from his eyes. He looked.. off. Something was wrong.

He stared at her and it took a few seconds to tear his eyes away from her. Her heart was in her throat. She still clung to the hope of an explanation, a reason. That everything was fine now and he would let her stay at his house or at least wanted to keep in touch with her.

"Last day?"

His voice sounded monotonous and strange, she hardly recognized it.

Was that it? Was it because she was released? But why?

She nodded and looked back at her backpack. She didn't have many things. Some clothes Alex's parents had brought and Carlisle's books. That was about it. she never had much, as she her father left she had been staying with Alex. So there was no reason for her to have more stuff.

"I wanted to say goodbye."

Lily looked up and gave him a questioning look. Again he turned his gaze away and a pained expression krept up his face.

"I've been offered a new job in Boston, we'll be leaving tomorrow."

Lie. She could feel it. It was an excuse. Maybe to spare him the ugly parting or to keep her believes, that she was acutally liked by him alive. Had she been that blind?

The pain that ran through her had no problem keeping up with the pain of the accident, it was just different.

His words needed a few seconds to take full effect and suddenly she felt incredibly stupid. She felt like the dumbest person in the world.

How could she believe that someone like him would have any interest in someone like her.

How could she expect him to take care of her.

That someone whose clothes were worth more than anything she owned would even think of her.

How could she be so stupid. Lily couldn't look at him anymore, the sight of him was unbearable and if she weren't so shocked, she would probably have laughed manically. His words, the books, the cell phone.

It was all just a scam, a scam to keep her happy while she was in his care. He tricked her, and she had not even realised ist. He even went that far to involve his daughter in it.

Lily's eyes filled with tears and she held her breath. She wouldn't cry in front of him.

No matter what.

She couldn't show him that she had actually believed everything he had said. She may be broken, but her pride was still intact.

It took a few moments before she could trust her voice again.

"Ok."

She couldn't get more out of it and it was too much. She could understand it absolutely. Why should he stay when he got such an offer?

He had no reason. She wasn't a reason, she had never been a reason for him. The most tragic thing was that if he asked her, she would go with him right away. She wouldn't care where. She would go without asking. But he didn't and she wasn't going to humiliate herself and beg. He waited a few more moments and Lily wondered what he wanted to hear from her. But he probably just felt uncomfortable about the whole thing.

He let out a sigh and Lily froze.

"You can keep the books and the cell phone of course, I would be very happy to hear from you and your recovery."

He pronounced the last sentence so softly as if he had been forbidden to say it. Lily felt the pain in her throat and was glad not to be connected to the machine.

She didn't want to know what a broken heart sounded like.

The second time in a single year.

Again she nodded although she knew fully well that she would leave both things here. She couldn't carry a memory with her. She couldn't wait in front of a cell phone, she couldn't stare into the lines and think of his horror when Sirius Black died. She couldn't, it would destroy her.

As if there was still so much left to destroy, she thought cynically.

He hesitantly left the room and Lily didn't turn around. Again she wondered why she had fallen for it.

Why hadn't her instinct called in?

How on earth had she thought he liked her.

He certainly had done his job well.

She carefully pulled the books out of her backpack and placed them on the small side table by her bed. Walking would be a tad easier without the weight. Altough her bruised leg did not make anything easy.

She held the cell phone in her hand for a few seconds and stared at it. Maybe she was hoping she would get a message saying it was all a joke. Maybe she didn't want to part either.

Finally she put it on the pile of books. She was done being taken as a fool. She was done believing his and her own lies.

She had lost Alex and him in a year, the difference being that she never had Carlisle.

Nor was he snatched from her by a bad fortune.

He just left.

And that was even more painful.