Say You'll Never Leave Me
(My take on the Malec reunion after my first 'Say You Love Me'.)
Alec walked around the training grounds, circle after circle after endless circle. Once again his siblings were around Idris, doing who knows what. Jace and Clary were hiding away somewhere; making out he was sure since the only smile Clary seemed to have anymore was after Jace distracted her with a kiss or two or twelve. Alec couldn't blame them, Clary found it hard to smile over the last week and Izzy had thrown herself into training and nothing else. Alec had felt bad for both of them on the loss of Simon from their lives. He hadn't realized how much Simon had actually been a part of their lives until he was no longer there. Currently off in the mundane world with no memories of the Shadow World.
He was currently in his own mind with despair over his lack of time with Magnus. He hadn't spoken to Magnus since Edom and he didn't even know how he was doing. He didn't even know what they were to each other; the confusion evident on his face since they got back. Magnus was supposed to come see him after his downworlder dinner but he got kidnapped instead. It didn't sound right to him when he said that because it's not like Magnus asked to be captured and almost killed by being in his father's realm for too long. But that was the part that killed him, Edom was his father's realm and Magnus wasn't going to tell him until he was forced to. Even while in Edom Magnus tried to keep it a secret until he couldn't anymore. Alec was sure Magnus would have never told him about his father if the situation didn't call for it. They were right back to the beginning. He hated himself for being this way, he shouldn't complain, they all came home alive but the small voice in the back of his mind held on to the fact that Magnus would have never told him about his father unless he was forced. And he was forced.
He had the whole night to himself, his parents had meeting after meeting, Jace would be with Clary, and Izzy wanted to be on her own. He could go to the warlock house where he knew Magnus was staying but he couldn't bring himself to go there. He had only seen Magnus from afar twice, and he was happy to see his color and personality had returned to normal after his brief glance from across the room earlier that day. He had seen Magnus around with another warlock, his mother had told him her name was Tessa Gray, and she and Magnus had gone back a long ways; well over a century. At least.
So here he was, walking circles around an old training ground trying to get his thoughts and emotions under control. He didn't know what to think or feel anymore. He knew he loved Magnus and he wanted to spend his life with Magnus but he wasn't sure how to get to that point. He was lost and hurting and broken on the inside and he didn't know how to get out. His family was hurting and he didn't know how to fix them. He wanted to fix it all, but he couldn't. He kept reminding himself to be happy that his love had returned alive while his sisters' had not; the pain wouldn't let him. He was shaken to the core and nothing was bringing him back to that ledge. To see Simon just gone was heartbreaking to Izzy, Clary, and Jace; and even himself.
He didn't know why he felt this way, but he felt he was on a ledge with darkness surrounding him. He felt like a terrible person for thinking of his pain over Magnus more than anyone else's.
"You know, boyfriend, we have got to stop meeting like this."
Alec looked up at the sound of Magnus' voice calling out to him. He was standing in the center of the grounds close to the same place they met at last time. He turned to face him coming a few steps closer but not all the way.
"You ignoring me?" Magnus called out again, he wasn't smiling but he wasn't frowning either. His face purely neutral.
His expression struck Alec as odd like he felt indifferent to be there. Alec frowned, "No," He took a few more steps to him, "You look better." He looked away, "Healthier."
"Thanks, I think. I am." The sentence was broken which caused a frown to deepen on Alec, as his confusion rose. Magnus reached a handout, "Come here."
Alec didn't move, he felt the darkness creeping up; freezing him in place, "You were never going to tell me about your father, were you? You were forced and that's the only reason it came out." He hated a part of himself for springing to life with those words. "Nevermind. Forget it." Alec stepped back, his heart racing, "I don't have a right-" He stopped, he couldn't breathe enough to speak any longer.
Magnus frowned, really frowned, there was something off about Alec, this was not normal sad; this was beyond that, "Yes, my father is a horrible demon and I don't like talking about him to anyone, least of all my love." He felt he needed to reason with him, explain himself but he wasn't sure how.
"Shouldn't I be the person you want to tell your secrets to? Aren't I good enough to know them?" Alec sighed, he felt horrible. He was dragging it out for now reason. Magnus would never change. Alec knew himself, he would never change. They would be stuck in this terrible loop forever. They both owed themselves more than that. They both deserved more than that. "I feel like we are just going in circles. We don't give ourselves enough time but I'm scared time isn't on our side. Shadowhunters die and you won't. And I feel like there is this darkness that is keeping me from you; and I can't figure out how to shake it."
"You're the one I want to protect the most. I love you most and I want to keep you hidden from the demons of my past and the demons that is my father. He's a horrible being and I hate that you had to see him and that side of me." Magnus groaned, "I don't want you to see the bad side of me."
"You are not your father." Alec stepped up to him, they were within arms reach now. "Would you hold my father against me?"
Magnus frowned, "No, of course not. But your father isn't a Prince of Hell."
"Magnus, I love you but I've already told you I want to know you. I want to know parts of you, all parts of you. Past, present, and hopefully future, but I can't if you aren't going to let me. This isn't going to work if you aren't willing. We are going to be stuck in a circle of hell of our own making. Let me love you. Please?" Alec hoped the pleading look on his face helped his case. "Please?"
Magnus nodded, "I wrote you something. It's at my loft, I should go get it for you. It's a journal of sorts. Those stories I mentioned back at your parent's house, I had already written most of them down for you. They were readily on the top of my head because I just put them all into words." He looked around into the dark sky, the trees, the dummy posts, anywhere except at Alec, "I wrote them out for you. I will say none of them include my father but I guess now I should write some more for you. I wanted it to be my peace offering to you to let you know I was serious and I love you. I want us to be a team, you and I. For as long as you'll have me."
"Magnu-"
"Wait." He held out his hand to stop Alec, "I can't tell you everything. It's too hard and there's too much to tell but I will try my best to tell you what I can and I'll answer what you ask me in the future but I can't always say you'll like my answer or if I'll be able to give you a complete one but I'll try. I'll try not to hide my past." Magnus shook his head, "Some of it isn't pretty and not all of it is kind to Shadowhunters. But I love you and I hear everything you are asking of me."
"I don't care about that. You have a right to feel everything you feel or felt even if it's bad things against Shadowhunters. The only Shadowhunter I can about your feelings for right now is me." Alec stepped up again, picking up Magnus' hand to kiss the back of it. "Call me 'selfish' but I want your feelings for Shadowhunters to be about me. As long as you love me, then that's all that matters." Alec looked at the ground with Magnus' hand still in his, "I'm not sure if the rest of me is being selfish as well, I seem to be making nothing but demands and I'm the one that did something horrible in the first place. I'm sorry." He felt the tears slip from his eyes, he couldn't look up now.
"I should have been honest with you. I knew I was your first love and I wasn't honest. You wouldn't have had to go to Camille for answers if I gave you them first. I withheld so much, it's natural to want."
"Am I acting like a child? I feel like I am. I feel this darkness is clouding everything I say or do." Alec was still staring at the ground with a stiffness.
"Alec, you are a child." Magnus shook his hand in hopes of getting Alec to look up at him but Alec wouldn't move his head, "Compared to the many years I've lived you are one and I didn't take that into consideration when I made some of my demands. But that is what every relationship is. It's learning and growing as a couple and I'm willing to do that. Are you?"
Alec finally looked up at him, the tears stopped but Magnus could see the lines in which they fell, "How do I stop this from creeping up again? I want it to go away."
"We trust each other. I'll work on me and you work on you, but we work on each other together. I can't say it will be perfect but it will be us." Magnus smiled when he saw some the light reenter Alec's eyes, "Will you come with me?" He tugged on Alec's hand in his, "Come with me to the house I have here. I want to kiss you. I want to do more than kiss you. And we can't here."
Alec nodded, "Yes."
Magnus tugged his hand again and started walking to his house, it wasn't far, but it was far enough that Magnus debated on a portal straight to his bed. The need to do more to Alec was utterly overpowering his senses. It was a five-minute walk, if that, but it seemed to take forever. When they finally made it to his front walk, he twisted Alec to be in front of him. Latching onto his lips with his, he finished the walk to his door with Alec walking backwards in front of him. He couldn't keep his hands off him for any longer.
Alec felt the door give way behind him, Magnus had magicked the door to open when he got close and it performed its job well. His lips were sealed with Magnus' and he was leading them into a building he had never been in before. The warlock estate in Idris, a house where any warlock can stay while on business in Idris. With the recent war drawn to a close many had left the estate except for Magnus who stayed to fight some more with Alec. He was currently using his lips for this battle. They made it in the room and with a snap of his fingers, the door closed behind them.
Magnus pulled hard at the bottom of Alec's dark gray t-shirt. Alec barely had his hands raised and the shirt was off and clutched in Magnus' hand, moving back to Alec's belt loops at lightning speed.
There was a soft giggle with a muted laugh which tore Alec from Magnus, spinning around and staring at the women in the living room.
"Tessa?" Magnus whispered, "What are you doing here?"
Alec didn't know who Tessa was but he heard her name from Magnus and his mother, but only recently. He couldn't place if he had actually seen her before. The fresh air hit his skin and he realized he was still without his shirt. He reached for it but Magnus waved his hands as he spoke and the shirt went just out of reach. Alec finally got his shirt in hand but Magnus wasn't paying attention and wasn't releasing it.
"I think your Shadowhunter wants his shirt back." She smirked with a finger pointing at Alec.
Magnus flashed a look at Alec then back to her, "He's fine. You're not staying."
"You're right; he's fine." She leaned forward a little in her chair to really look at him. "Good genetics." She kept her smile on her face, she was having fun teasing Magnus, "He looks like Will."
"Put this one." That comment hit the spot, Magnus turned to block her view and helped Alec put his shirt back up.
Tessa smirked, "Oh I see you can kiss mine but I can't look at yours." She winked when he looked back at her with a blank stare.
"You are lucky I love you." Magnus left Alec to finish pulling his shirt down and went over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek, "Tessa, darling, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be off with parabatai number two catching up for lost time?"
"Parabatai number two?" She gave him a blank stare to match his. "I'm going to tell Jem you said that." She giggled when the fun of it hit her, she had truly missed her friendship with Magnus.
"I'm Alec Lightwood, by the way." Alec called next to the door, "I'm just gonna-" When he was clear neither was giving up on their staring contest, he made for the door, and left without another word.
Magnus turned to watch him go with a frown, tonight was indeed not his night. He was going to have to catch his boyfriend, again, for the second time that night. He was like a wild animal if you didn't hold tight, he vanished.
"Did I scare him?" She asked from the sofa.
"No," He turned back, "It's a long story. You gonna be around for a bit?"
"Yeah," She looked at him, "Go get your Shadowhunter, I'm off. See you at the wedding." She gave him a kiss on the cheek.
Magnus left the house again but he didn't have to go far, Alec was standing by the small gatekeeping the walkway from the street, the downworlder homes were the only ones with gates, anything the Clave could do to keep them separate they would. "Alec?"
"She's a friend. I've heard her name a lot recently." Alec looked at him.
"A very dear friend." Tessa smiled while exiting the small house. "My husband was a Shadowhunter, William Herondale. His parabatai was my first fiancée, James Carstairs. You boys have fun." Tessa kissed Magnus on the cheek then went to Alec, she spent a moment looking at him, "I can't wait to meet you further but tonight is not that night." She also gave Alec a quick kiss on the cheek then she was off.
"Is it just me or is she floating?" Alec watched her go.
Magnus smirked, tapping him on the shoulder to get Alec to look at him, "Sometimes I've thought the same time. She's pure grace." He slid his hand up to the back of Alec's neck, "We are alone and I have a bedroom to show you."
Alec smiled, "Really?"
"I think we've done enough talking over the last couple of weeks to last for a few nights at least. I want to take you upstairs, get you naked, and show you with a few select swear words how much I love you."
He shook his head, "Swear words, huh?"
Magnus leaned in close, kissing his ear before whispering against his skin, "Yes, perfectly timed swear words so highly inappropriate that the angels would blush. In perfect rhythm to me and you making love."
Alec sighed, closing his eyes and moaned at the feelings and pictures Magnus was painting for him, "Please."
"We are going to have our fights, no couple is perfect, we aren't, but we will have our makeups as well. Tonight is that makeup." Magnus twisted Alec to be in front of him, slowly walking back to his house, drugging a willing Shadowhunter with him. He had the sudden vision that he was the devil leading a wayward mundane to his doom, he grinned at the thought. "The things I am going to do to you tonight."
"Don't you mean the things we are going to do to each other?"
Magnus' laugh filled the street, he would never grow tired of this.
.The End.