A/N This is my first attempt at fan fiction, so please be gentle. :) I originally intended it to be a one-shot, but it's taken on a life of it's own. I've rated it M for swearing, minor violence and potential for stuff in future chapters. Please review and help me get better. Thanks to CraggleRock 82 for his permission and help and also to my friend Tristan for his thoughts as well. They did not however beta this so all errors are mine. Lastly, I don't own Harry Potter, JKR and her right's holders do. This is for fun.
Enjoy!
Italics used for thoughts or occasionaly for emphasis.
Update 11 August 2017 My heartfelt thanks to GJ for his help in editng this chapter. It has improved spelling and grammar and mde m think about howI write.
Hermione's Epiphany
Hermione came down to the common room and saw Ron playing chess with Dean.
Frowning she said. "Ron, I thought you promised me you were going to study?"
"It's just a quick game, I'll study later," Ron replied offhandedly.
'Why won't he study more? I'm getting sick of him copying my homework.' She thought to herself, feeling irritated.
"That's what you said yesterday and you didn't do any." trying to keep her voice level. "I'm going for a walk around the lake."
Ron looked up at her, jumped up and kissed her. "OK Herms."
"Ron, you know I don't like that name!" It irritated her that he kept usng it even after she had mentioned to him that some of the kids who bullied her in Primary School had used it.
"But it's the pet name for you that I thought up." He said simply, returning to his game.
'It's not worth arguing about again.' she thought.
"I'll see you later," she said as she exited the common room. Ron didn't even reply.
As she slowly made her way through the castle, she contemplated her relationship with Ron. They had started dating after the kiss at the end of the Battle of Hogwarts, and things had been fine over the summer with her spending a month at the Burrow although oddly only when Harry was there as well.
However, after returning to Hogwarts, Ron had almost constantly pushed her to go further and faster in their relationship than she was comfortable with. At least, he had done so for the first couple of weeks, after which he suddenly backed off. Now the only times he seemed really affectionate was in the common room, which irritated her. Ron, on the other hand, seemed all too cheerful and smiled all the time for no apparent reason.
She, Ron and Harry had returned to complete their studies along with most of their year since Snape and the Carrows had meant that almost no real learning was achieved the previous year. While she was enjoying the return to study immensely, especially with the threat of Voldemort removed, with Ron's attitude,her personal life was confusing her.
To make matters worse, her rock, the one she relied on more than all others had become emotionally distant. Not cold, but not his open jovial self. Harry said everything was OK and smiled at her when she asked, but the smile never seemed to reach his eyes. It was obvious he was unhappy about something, and he refused all attempts to discuss it with her and she was beginning to get frustrated with him. He had started spending huge amounts of time on his physical fitness. Far more than even professional Quidditch players required. As a result, physically he was in incredibly good shape although he did look tired as if he wasn't sleeping well.
Hermione had long ago realised that she loved Harry, but he never seemed to return her feelings particularly since he found out about the prophecy. She had resigned herself to remaining only his close friend and helping him wherever she could; but, with him not talking, there was little she could do.
If Hermione were honest with herself, she knew she had only kissed Ron out of impulse after his comment about the elves. But, as it turned out, without Harry in the mix the two of them had nothing much to talk about. 'Ron only spends time with me or kisses me when no-one was around to discuss Quidditch.' He certainly didn't want to study with her, despite it being NEWT year.
Harry, at least, was studying with her even if he wasn't being communicative. She did occasionally catch him looking at her with a sad expression on his face. As soon as he realised she had noticed his gaze, he schooled his features to a neutral expression. She had wondered about this behaviour. Since he never seeming to want more than friendship she figured it couldn't be about her relationship with Ron.
Hermione walked down to the lake. Since it was a nice sunny autumn day, she had decided to walk around the entire lake, something most students never did. As she got to the farthest point from the castle, she paused for a break to look out over the lake and admire the reflection of the castle in the water. After a while, she realised she could hear a faint voice that didn't sound happy. Going through the trees she saw someone with black hair sitting under a tree a hundred yards away looking at something and talking. They were facing away, so she wasn't seen.
Concerned, but not wanting to intrude since the person had obviously taken steps to be alone. Hermione pulled out the high-end omnioculars that Harry at bought her during the war. This model also included charms that allowed you to hear sound from wherever you were looking through an earpiece. After fitting the earpiece she bought them to her eyes. A few seconds later they fell from her nerveless fingers until caught by the neck strap as she let out an involuntary gasp.
She couldn't believe what she had seen and heard. Harry was sitting under the tree looking at a photo of her and repeating over and over again. "I'm over her, I'm over her," as he cried.
Picking herself up from her hiding spot, she quickly headed for the castle. She didn't see Harry spin around and look in her direction.
'Why would he say he was over me? He's never shown much interest in me that way. Well. he started to until after I got injured in the veil room. When I was petrified he spent a long time watching over me even though I was asleep. I tried to subtly get him to open up to me while I was recovering from Dolohov's curse, but aside from telling me about the prophecy…. '
Hermione stopped in utter shock and staggered to a seat as she put things together. Her thoughts churning rapidly in her head.
'No, No, No, No, No! Oh Merlin! NO, NO, NO,' Hermione wailed in her head.
'He would't have buried his feelings to stop me being more of a target... Merlin, yes he would. That stupid noble IDIOT!'
'But if it's that, why didn't he tell me after Voldemort was defeated?'
'Oh God, I kissed Ron before he had a chance to!'
'He's hurting, but he's saying he's moved on.' At the thought that he might no longer care for her, her stomach lurched and she threw up. Conjuring some water she rinsed her mouth and muickly moved toward the castle.
'I've hurt him and ruined everything, he'll never look at me again! What do I do about Ron?'
'What can I do to fix this? I need somewhere quiet to think where no-one will see me. Room of Requirement then.'
Reaching the seventh floor, she walked up to the portrait of Barnabas the Barmy and was surprised to see the opposite wall already had a door in it.
'I wonder who's using it?' She asked herself since hardly anyone came here now. 'I really need it now, I'll see if they are finished'
Opening the door, she stopped in stunned silence, there in front of her was a ladie's boudoir setup with a huge four poster bed, a vanity table with a mirror and a door to a bathroom. On the edge of the bed was a shirtless couple kissing passionately, the girl had one hand behind the red-headed boy's neck and the other over the boy's chest. Hermione's brain froze completely trying to process what she was seeing as she realised it was Ron and Lavender Brown.
Rage flooded Hermione, her magic flared and the mirror on the vanity unit shattered. Ron and Lavender broke apart, Lavender jerking her hands away from Ron.
Ron looked across at her and jumped up off the bed. "Her-Hermione? I -"
SLAP! Ron's head jerked to the side from Hermione's palm hitting his cheek.
"YOU BASTARD!"
SLAP!
"YOU CONTEMPIBLE, LYING, CHEATING, MORALLY BANKRUPT BASTARD!"
SLAP!
"IF YOU WERE GOING TO CHEAT ON ME, COULDN'T YOU HAVE CHOSEN SOMEONE BETTER THAN THIS… THIS…TROLLOP!"
SLAP!
An angry Ron yelled back at her, "WELL AT LEAST SHE'LL HAVE SEX WITH ME!"
Hermione gaped. "I TOLD YOU I'M NOT READY! IF YOU JUST WANTED SEX THEN WHY NOT HAVE THE DECENCY TO SPLIT UP WITH ME FIRST!"
"BECAUSE I COULD SEE HARRY WANTED YOU FOR HIMSELF, AND HE ALWAYS GETS EVERYTHING!"
A dam of rage within Hermione broke. Her magic whipped around her furiously. Ron took a step back in obvious fear. Lavender whimpered pathetically on the bed.
"WHAT! YOU GIT! YOU JEALOUS, IMMATURE, INSECURE, EMOTIONALLY RETARDED, SELF CENTRED, EGOTISTICAL IDIOT! I KNEW YOU HAD THE EMOTIONAL RANGE OF A TEASPOON, I DIDN'T REALISE YOU HAD THE I.Q. OF ONE AS WELL!"
Hermione drew breath and sobbed "YOU HAVE COST ME MY CHANCE TO BE WITH THE ONLY MAN I WILL EVER TRULY LOVE. A MAN WHO IS NOW TELLING HIMSELF HE HAS MOVED ON FROM ME! AND HE IS A MAN, NOT A PATHETHIC WHINING CHILD LIKE YOU!"
Knowing she was talking about Harry and forgetting her violent magic, Ron got even angrier and backhanded Hermione a glancing blow on the cheek. He pulled his arm back to hit her again, "YOU LITTLE MUDBLOOD BIT—"
A hand gripped Ron's arm, stopping him dead. Ron looked up at green eyes flaring with rage. Harrys voice was cold and completely devoid of emotion. "You hurt Hermione. For the sake of our former friendship I will let you leave. If you every try to hurt her again in any way, emotionaly or physically I will destroy you utterly."
Harry's grip was was like a steel band on Ron's wrist, he could feel the bones starting to painfully rub against each other. Glaring at Harry, he spat "I can't leave if you don't let go."
Harry flicked his fingers away from the wrist without taking his eyes off Ron and the redhead spun and departed.
Hearing a noise, Hermione looked over at Lavender who had managed to cover her bra-encased breasts with her blouse. With an icy voice, she said "Lavender, I consider what you have done is contemptible, but I am not particularly angry with you so I won't physically harm you, you weren't going out with me…. Leave! Now!" Lavender fled toward the door, but stopped when Harry called to her. "Lavender" he said in a voice like liquid helium "I will respect Hermione's wishes as to you, but I do NOT forgive you." Lavender paled and she slammed the door on her way out.
Turning to Harry, Hermione burst into tears. "How could he?" she whimpered. Harry simply folded his arms around her and gently rocked her as she sobbed and gradually cried herself out. She felt safe with Harry's arms around her, knowing he would always protect her.
"It's OK 'Mione, I'm here for you" he soothed.
"How could he?" she cried again into his chest.
"He didn't deserve you 'Mione. He's not good enough for you. Heck, I'm not good enough for you."
"Don't say that Harry! You're good and kind and honest and brave…. If anything, it's I who doesn't deserve you! I saw you down at the lake, I've hurt you terribly…"
"Ssssh, little one, I'm OK, don't worry about me."
"But Harry, you were crying! Looking at my picture and crying! Did you…. Did you care about me as more than as a friend once?"
Hermione felt Harry tense. "Hermione, are you sure you want to get into this now?"
"Tell me!"
"But_"
"TELL ME!" she ordered, raising her voice, "you have been avoiding me since the battle and I won't stand for it any longer."
Recognising her mood, Harry sighed. "I started to care about you after the troll and my feelings grew from there. You have stood by me through everything. You working out about the basilisk saved my life. You helped me save Sirius." He paused. "Riding on Buckbeak with you holding on to me remains one of the greatest experiences of my life. You have always been a friend to me, not the-Boy-Who-Lived. You never cared about the money or the fame, just me." He said his eyes bright with unshed tears.
He squeezed her slightly as he held her "You believed me about the Tri-wizard Tournament, you stayed with me in the tent after….he left, he got jealous because he saw the-Boy-Who-Lived, not me… I almost told you then."
"Why didn't you!" She asked hitting his chest lightly in frustration.
Harry sighed, "Hermione, I knew you cared about me, at least a friend, and given the hints you gave probably more than that, but I couldn't be sure. Growing up, I never knew love. I was worried that if I said something you might… reject me completely. Also…. I" Harry stopped as his voice started to crack.
Hermione looked up "Harry…?"
"It's OK, 'Mione," taking a deep breath he continued. "I didn't think I would survive the war. I knew losing me as a friend would hurt you terribly. How much worse then would it have been if you knew I loved you?"
Hermione gaped at him. "You did it to protect me?"
Harry moved back a pace and looked Hermione in the eye.
"Hermione, it's always been about protecting you. I knew what would happen to you if Riddle won. I didn't walk into the Forbidden Forest and allow Riddle to kill me to save the Wizarding World, most of those petty bigots don't deserve saving." Harry's face softened "A little bit for our friends, but mainly I did it to save you."
"But…. But… you knew you would come back." she asked weakly
"No" he said quietly, looking at his feet
Hermione's heart lurched for the second time that day. 'He walked to his death to save…. me?'
She launched herself at him and kissed him. Her arms came around his neck and she wrapped her legs around his waist. After stiffening for as a couple of surprised seconds, Harry relaxed, the kiss lengthening and deepening. 'He's kissing me back!' She had no idea how long they stayed there, but it was absolute bliss. Her stomach fluttered and she tingled all over with chills running up and down her spine.
Suddenly her eyes shot wide open and she released him, stumbling back a step and looking at his face.
"OH MERLIN, Harry I'm so sorry! You said down the lake that you had moved on." Her eyes dropped and she said in a small voice "Have you found someone else?"
"Hermione" he said gently and putting a finger under her chin he moved her head to look at him and then softly cupped her cheek. He was looking at her with eyes glowing with soft love and utter devotion. "I said I was over you, but don't you see, I was trying to convince myself?"
"Some chance of that" he chuckled. "There could never be someone else. It's only you, it's only ever been you. I could never love anyone else if I had all of time and the whole world to choose from."
Hermione moved back a half pace as her insecurities flared "But, but I'm not pretty, I'm bossy I'm_"
Raising a finger, Harry gently silenced her. "Hermione," he said, looking into her eyes with utter sincerity. "You are beautiful, you are perfect, I love you and I never want you let you go."
'It's true, he really loves me…. for me' she thought and all her worries and insecurities fell away.
"Oh Harry" she said and she moved to him, pecking him on the lips, putting her arms around him and resting her head on his chest,listening to his heart beat, "You'll never have to."
A/N 2 OK I've edited this to correct some grammar issues. I hope you enjoyed it.
Update 22/05/2017 I've made the decision now to definitely continue the story. When I first wrote the ending, I pretty much considered it complete. But I had an Epiphany :) on the way to work this morning. Although WE know Hermione loves Harry, she hasn't told him and given his insecurites, Hermione is going to have to put in some work to prove herself to him, particularly after (apparently) having chosen Ron. That will probably be it for the next chapter, but I'll see how inspired I get. :) BTW suggestions are welcome!
Please review whast is good and bad as it will make me a better author.
Thanks for reading
Marc