I know I'm late to update and I have no excuse. Please be here *.*

What a privilege it is when you love someone and they love you back. :)

Summer of 2011

It's at the tip of her tongue.

Itachi is laughing at something Shikamaru just said, and what he said doesn't matter. Sakura has already forgotten it. She forgot the moment Itachi started to laugh, because the sunlight is hitting his skin, making it golden brown. He's tanned considerably over this year. It suits him.

Sakura wishes she could draw. If she could, this is the moment she would capture with her own hands, sketch out every line, every ripple of his black T-shirt, the nook of his elbows, the tear-troughs, and the curve of his lips. His eyes.

And she feels it thrumming under her skin. This strange, overwhelming rush of emotions, and she can't differentiate one from another. It's a mix, just a mix, and it's as painful as it is blissful, as confusing as it is clear, as scary as it is exciting. She thinks she might know what it's called.

It's at the tip of her tongue.

She doesn't know what it is about him. She has tried to figure it out, not that she hasn't. She really has. All she could come up with that it's just him. Simply his existence.

But no, it's also more selfish than that. It's not just his existence, although that plays a huge role, but she wants it for herself. She wants to protect it as much as she wants to possess it. She wants to nurture it as much as she wants to plummet into it. She wants to tell it to him as much as she wants to keep it for herself. Her secret. Something to safeguard. Something to access every time she needs it. Like a personal Pandora Box of sheer Itachi.

It's really, truly at the tip of her tongue.

Sakura swallows it, and there are hundreds of butterflies in her stomach now. She hopes no one notices it. She needs to stop staring.

Itachi's laughter eventually dies down, but a smirk stays firmly in place as he turns to her.

"What say, Haruno? Wanna join?"

Sakura blinks. "Huh?"

Ino knocks the side of her head. "Anyone home? Shika just suggested we should fog Sarutobi's office."

Sakura bites her lip. "What for?"

Temari sniggers. "Good question. A little too late in this group, don't you think?"

Sakura tries not to blush. "Er – no. Thanks."

Itachi shakes his head, but he doesn't seem disappointed exactly. Just more as though he was proven right and he didn't want to be proven right. "Never gets old."

Sakura doesn't rise to the bait this time. She needs to get out of here. Fast. Before she spills her guts out.

It's another week later, and they're sitting in one of the cafes after school.

Itachi has ordered a cup of Barley Tea that he seems to be regretting. It's obvious when he takes a sip. It's measured, small, and quick. His lips thin every time he swallows it down. Sakura wants to laugh at his face but holds it back.

At least he's decided to go through with it, regardless.

Ino is telling them about an incident that happened in her study group, some teenage drama or the other, and Temari is visibly trying not to sleep. It's her insomnia phase. On the other hand, Shikamaru has stopped pretending to be interested long ago, and is now scrolling through his phone with a bored expression.

Sakura listens politely, while multitasking with drinking her strawberry shake and studying Itachi.

When he finishes the tea, he sits back, shoulders relaxed. He catches her looking and before Sakura can quickly turn away, he winks at her.

Sakura blinks.

Itachi leans in close to whisper in her ear. "I bet if we leave, Ino won't even notice."

Sakura bites down on a smile. "I wouldn't be so sure."

As expected, he smirks. "Wanna try?"

"What? You mean just get up and leave? Of course, she'll notice!"

Itachi shrugs back coolly. "So? We can go to the park and feed the ducks."

Sakura isn't convinced. The prospect is exciting, sure, to go alone with Itachi. But it feels too rude.

Itachi reads her face instantly. "Come on, Haruno. I'll do your Math homework if you come."

Her heart pounds. She hates Math and he's pretty good at it. It's a good deal, all things considered. Besides, she really doesn't want to miss the chance to spend some time alone with him. It's so rare that it's laughable. They've mostly hung out in the group itself. Maybe it's time to change that. Shake things up a bit.

She exhales. "Okay."

Itachi's eyes sparkle. "Really?"

She nods. "Yeah. Let's go. You're buying whatever ducks eat."

"Deal."

Itachi starts to sneakily push his chair back, bit by bit. Sakura does the same. Ino is still in the middle of her story, wildly gesturing now, looking exasperated and incredulous. Temari is nodding back sleepily.

Itachi's hand snakes under the table to intertwine with her. Sakura jumps slightly, not having expected it at all. Itachi isn't looking at her but he tightens his hold.

When she signals that she's ready, he suddenly gets up, pulls her to her feet, and without a word, turns around to march right towards the doors of the café.

"Hey!" Ino yells instantly. "Where are you both going?!"

Itachi calls out over his shoulder. "To feed the ducks!"

"What the-! Itachi, come back!"

"No! See you later!"

Laughing, he pulls Sakura out of the doors, onto the sunny pavement. Sakura is still very much aware of his hand still holding hers. He doesn't let go even as they start walking in the park's direction, and she doesn't comment.

"You really want to see the ducks?" she asks him.

Itachi catches her eye. "Why not? Unless, you want to do something else?"

She grins. "Nah, ducks are fine."

He nods happily. "What's your favourite bird, anyway?"

That makes her laugh. "Are we in elementary school?"

He tugs at her hand in protest. "Come on! Everyone has a favourite everything."

"Yeah?" she teases. "What's yours?"

"Swans," Itachi replies instantly. "Your turn."

They make a right turn around the corner.

Sakura mulls over it in her head before replying, "Sparrows."

Itachi chuckles, although not unkindly. "Why is that?"

Sakura shrugs. "Just."

"Sparrows are very social," he tells her with an amused smirk.

Sakura rolls her eyes. "Whatever. Do you have a favourite everything?"

He nods. "I think so. Ask me."

Sakura thinks. It's a menial game, but now that they are playing it, she really wants to know Itachi's favourites in everything.

Again, it's at the tip of her tongue.

Instead, she asks, "Favourite colour?"

"That's easy," he says. "Green."

She thinks she might explode. Either that – or the words will.

Sakura breathes. In, out. In, out. In, out.

They're in the middle of Japanese Literature class. Itachi's desk is near the window on the other side. Sakura's is two rows over, somewhere in the middle, and it's still too distracting.

This is ridiculous, she curses herself viciously.

Gathering her whole courage, Sakura raises her hand. The teacher stops mid-speech.

"Yes, Ms. Haruno?"

Sakura gulps, knowing that she has the attention of the whole class. Of him. In her periphery, she can see him, watching her curiously.

"May I be excused? I don't feel too well."

The teacher nods, looking concerned. Sakura is a sincere student, the kind who wouldn't lie to get out of class. So the teacher doesn't question, merely writes her a note to the nurse's station, and Sakura walks to the front on shaky legs, taking the note, and exiting without her bag.

Once she's out in the hallway, she breathes. In, out. In, out. In, out.

The silence calms her. She doesn't really know what to do, but decides to go to the nurse's station. Maybe sleep will drive this insanity away.

The nurse checks her temperature, her pulse, asks her a bunch of questions, then tells her that it's probably stress. Then she asks her about her classes, her family, if she's eating well, suggests that some breathing exercises might help, and then makes her lie down.

Sakura gladly does.

She stays in the narrow bed for the duration of the class, and then some more. She doesn't feel ready to return even when the last bell rings, so the nurse ends up waiting with her, not wanting to leave a student in such a state.

Sakura feels guilty, but relieved. Her mind is still in overdrive, her stomach still filled with butterflies, the weird feeling still thrumming under her skin.

And then everything multiplies exponentially when she hears Itachi's voice outside the curtains.

"I just want to check if she's okay," he's insisting loudly. "She never misses a class."

"She's okay," the nurse says. "She's sleeping. Let her."

"I have her bag," Itachi replies instead. "I'll wait."

"You can keep the bag."

There's a brief pause. "I'll wait."

This won't work, she decides. Hiding is not helping. So she removes her thin blanket, gets to her feet, her heart pounding in her chest so rapidly that she reconsiders for a moment if she really should be lying down.

Sakura pushes open the curtain, and Itachi pauses in the middle of turning away. His blazer is on one shoulder, tie loosened up around his neck, and he's holding two bags.

The sight of him is enough to make her nearly dizzy. She really wants to touch him. Anything would do, from tracing the inside of his wrist to kissing him on the lips.

The moment he sees her, he takes a few steps forward. "Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Sakura tries to smile, fails, because he frowns at it. "I'm fine. Just a little tired."

The nurse doesn't say anything. She busies herself with gathering her things now that her only patient is finally ready to leave the premises.

Itachi sighs in relief. "Okay. You didn't return at all."

"Yeah, I was just lying down."

He nods. "Okay. You ready to leave now? Shika and I will drop you home. Come on."

"Okay," she accepts readily, not wanting to raise more alarms. "Thanks."

When she extends her hand for her bag, he tightens his hold on it instead.

Smiling, he says, "I've got it."

Winter 2020 – Present Day

She's watching him.

Itachi is brainstorming over a project with Deidara, pencil in hand, glasses perched on nose, hair in a bun, a pistachio coloured hoodie, and black coffee at the tip of his fingers.

It suits him – this environment. He looks like he belongs here, in a coffee house, surrounded by a unified sense of inspiration, giving form to his thoughts. She wants to be a part of it. Not in the way that she could pick up a pencil to draw, but in the way wherein she feels like she belongs here, too. In his bubble, in his safe place.

Sakura has given an immense thought to what she wants to do, herself. Now that her school job will be ending in a week, she still hasn't figured out what she wants to try. Usually, this would be a major source of anxiety. Her savings are not monumental, really, and then the thought of having to approach her parents for anything – now or ever – has never been an option. Before, she was in a hurry to leave. That is not the case now.

Now, she wants to take her time to just stop and think. As much as she used to believe that between the two of them, Itachi was the restless one, the one who always wanted to do something, be somewhere, Sakura was merely a step behind him. Itachi was running away from himself, while Sakura was running away from her family.

Neither of them has to do it anymore.

So she's watching him.

She knows that he knows. She just doesn't care anymore.

Itachi, Hinata, and Sai are scrolling through the lists of occupations on the internet.

They're at her apartment for the evening, two days before her last date at the school, splayed out on her couch and the floor, with bottles of beer and Sai messing around with ridiculous ideas.

"Explosives worker."

"Sai, shut up."

He puts his hand over his heart morosely. "I'm just trying to help you, Sakura."

Hinata interrupts with, "Why don't you go back to Marketing?"

Sakura sighs. "Nope."

The marketing agency that she worked for was a terrible personal experience. Sure, the money was good, but the whole competitiveness was becoming truly unhealthy. Even today when she speaks with a couple of ex-colleagues, it feels that they are becoming more and more robots.

"Editor?" Itachi suggests.

Sakura considers. She does have the educational qualification for it, but she isn't sure if that is the kind of challenge she is looking for.

"Maybe not."

"A farmer!" Sai says excitedly. "You can live outside the city with the cattle, wake up early, and eat organic. I mean, that's the dream, right?"

Sakura throws a pillow in his face.

He dodges it and continues. "Or a plant consultant? A dog food taster? A snake milker? Oh wait, I've got the perfect one for you. A Halloween costume model!"

Itachi bursts out in laughter, and Sai gives him a high-five.

"Guys, come on!" Sakura complains. "Be serious."

"I am serious," Sai tells her. "Sakura, how many chances does one get to change their occupation?"

"As many as they want?"

Sai rolls his eyes. "This is your chance to do something fun. Something adventurous. Something exciting. You were a school teacher," he informs her as though it's a contagious disease he'd rather stay away from.

Sakura levels a flat stare at him. "You want me to be a plant consultant? Or what was that – a snake milker? That's your idea of excitement and adventure?"

Sai shrugs casually. "Do you have anything else?"

Sakura doesn't.

"Take a menial job for now," Hinata suggests. "You don't need to decide your field right at this moment."

"Well," Sakura says uncertainly. "That's true. With my savings, I'll be able to sustain for a bit but I can just do something else in the meanwhile."

"You can help Lee," Itachi says suddenly.

"Huh?"

Itachi locks his phone and keeps it aside. "Isn't he facing some problems with the other gym in the locality? Since he doesn't have a clue how to market himself, and you do, why don't you freelance with him?"

"Shit," Sai says. "That's actually a good idea. Why didn't we think of it before?"

"Let me call him," Hinata grins, already dialling his number.

Sakura doesn't stop her. She's having a silent staring contest with Itachi, instead. He maintains it steadily, and after a few moments, raises one eyebrow in a deliberate challenge.

Well. She can't back down now. And she has nothing to lose, anyway.

Tenten's gym is bursting with customers.

Sakura hovers near the reception desk, waiting for the man to finish his call. In the meanwhile, she studies her surroundings. There are three doors leading from the reception area marked as Gym, Restricted Entry and Fire Exit. The brochure that she was going through earlier detailed out the steam bath, locker rooms, and personal training rooms that lead from the main gym area.

Technically, Lee's gym is better. He has the same services as Tenten does, but the quality is better. Tenten has better prices but she wants to increase the customer conversion rate more than focusing on customer delight.

Lee has already told her that he cannot compromise on those fronts.

The man behind the counter finally puts down the phone and addresses her with a well-practiced smile.

"Hi, I'm just here to inquire," Sakura tells him.

They go through the usual motions of him explaining all the services, prices, and asks if she wants a tour. She does. She wants to see Tenten.

Sasuke invites Sakura to his office.

As soon as she tells the reception desk that she's here to meet Mr. Uchiha, the brunette blushes as if on reflex.

"May I ask who is meeting with him?"

Sakura frowns. "I already told you. Haruno Sakura."

"Right," the brunette clears her throat. "May I ask the purpose of this visit? Official or … personal?"

Sakura thins her lips to contain her laughter. "Personal. I'm a very dear friend of Sasuke." She can imagine his face crunching up in distaste at this if he were present.

The brunette blushes even more. "Right. Right. Please hold one moment while I connect with Mr. Uchiha's secretary."

He has a secretary? Sakura almost feels bad for that unknown person. The receptionist – Sakura reads the nametag again, Ameno – makes a quick call, and then instructs her on how to get there.

Sakura rides up the elevator, squashed between employees wearing formal suits, typing away on their Blackberrys. She wonders how the hell Sasuke maintains this image. She can never imagine him working in a corporate office where there are protocols in place that are not exactly compatible with his personality. But then again, since he's the HR Head, he's the one controlling it in the first place.

Sasuke's secretary is a young, blonde, clean-shaven man wearing a formal attire complete with a stripped tie. He greets her amicably and then holds the door open to Sasuke's cabin.

Sasuke is sitting behind his desk, feet up on the table, biting into an apple, talking on the phone. He winks at her as soon as she steps inside.

Sakura ignores it and looks around. It's not large by any means, his office, but it's personal and it shows. Sasuke has decorated the place with a filing cabinet, framed photographs on the walls, and she can see some on his desk as well. She wants to see if he's put Itachi's photo there.

And then she remembers Sasuke has no boundaries. Walking behind his chair, she shamelessly checks it out for herself and sure enough, one of the frames is of him and Itachi, grinning in the camera, dressed in snow-jackets, surrounded by white. She chuckles, picking it up.

So Itachi did see snow.

"That's one of his favourite memories," Sasuke says suddenly.

Sakura glances at him. His phone call is done. "Yeah?"

Sasuke chews on more apple. "Yeah," he says with a mouthful. "We went there during college with a couple of our friends. He would wake up early morning and step out for a walk, even though his feet would sink up to his knees."

Sakura chuckles. "Sounds fun."

Sasuke shrugs, retracting his feet to the floor. "How's your job hunting going?"

Sakura places the frame back in its place and goes to stand by the window instead. "I'm freelancing for a friend for now."

"Lee, right? Itachi mentioned."

"Yes," she turns to him. "Why did you call me here?"

Sasuke smirks. "To have a heart-to-heart?"

Sakura rolls her eyes. "Seriously. Come on."

Sasuke sighs. "I wanted to offer you a job in my company."

Sakura straightens up. She was not ready for this. "What?"

"That's what I do, you know," Sasuke says sarcastically. "Give jobs. I'm almost hurt you didn't come to me in the first place."

Sakura pauses. He's right. Sasuke is honestly the best person to talk to regarding her future plans. Maybe her brain cells have gone on a vacation.

"Right," Sakura says. "Shit."

Sasuke preens. "Exactly. Come on. Sit. Let's talk."

Sasuke offers her a position in the Marketing Department, which she immediately declines. Then he offers her another of a curator. He explains that the company is a brand engagement agency, and not to call it an advertising firm even by mistake. Apparently, people take offense.

"What do I have to do as a curator?"

"You'll be overseeing one of our product lines," Sasuke tells her. "Some of our clients are museums who are looking to launch their display on a more commercial platform. But we cannot just allow any museum to approach us directly. We need a screening person in place – that will be you. Traditionally, a curator is someone who manages a museum, but for us to consider a client, we need a curator for the museum. To see if the museum is worth our time or not. If they are functional. When we put them on the map, we need to have faith in them. Otherwise the customers will not, and we can't expect them to."

Sakura frowns. "Who is doing that role now?"

Sasuke shrugs. "It's a department in making. We have some basic resources, but they're not enough. Which is where I step in. I recruit the resources."

"I don't know," Sakura says uncertainly. "This is a whole new field."

"Aren't you looking for one?" Sasuke raises an eyebrow pointedly. "From what I know, you can be a good fit. You have a Literature, Marketing, and Teaching background. We need all those skills. From having the foundation to understand abstract concepts, knowing what works and what doesn't with the customers, and then handling the process."

"What about the fact that I have literally no experience in it whatsoever?"

Sasuke chuckles. "Like I said, it's a department in making. We don't expect anyone to know everything. We can consider candidates who are at least willing to learn and have the potential to pull it off. Are you saying that you're not?"

Sakura wants to punch him and hug him at the same time. "Let me think about it."

"Sure," Sasuke says easily, getting to his feet. "You want to have some lunch? If not, then you can get out."

Sakura wonders if this job will be worth tolerating this menace of a man more than anything else.

It takes some time, but Sakura calls Lee one evening for a beer.

He's staring at her with excitement. "What?"

Sakura grins, raising her bottle in a toast. "It's true."

"Oh my god," Lee laughs. "That's such a rookie mistake!"

It is.

When Sakura met Tenten for the first time, she was admittedly slightly intimidated. Tenten has a truly strong personality, and she knows her way with people. She had almost convinced Sakura to join her gym, and the only thing that brought Sakura to a standstill is when she asked Tenten about their policy on cancelling a member's subscription. Typically, the customers go in a loss if they want to cancel. It ensures a steady retention rate for businesses. They can't have their customers popping in and out whenever they wish, and suffer the loss if things go downhill.

When a customer buys a subscription, there is a cancellation fee. Tenten never made one.

"So we can steal her crowd with no problem," Sakura is saying. "It would have been difficult to convince people to pay the cancellation fees and then join another gym. But since there is none in this case, we can divert them all to your gym at a moment's notice."

"Shit, Sakura," Lee breathes out. "This is brilliant."

Sakura giggles. "Thanks."

"How do we go about diverting the crowd?" Lee asks, elbows propped up on the table.

So Sakura shows him the strategy that she has worked on – from initial customer contact to conversion to retention to customer delight. She had to make a few visits over the last two weeks but it was definitely worth it.

Lee listens with rapt attention, nodding, and between the two of them, they iron out the whole thing.

"When can we begin?"

Sakura grins. "Whenever you say, Boss."

Lee shakes his head, head ducking down to smile at the table. Sakura gives him a moment to collect himself, knowing that their conversation is not over. They still haven't addressed their spat from over a month ago.

"Lee …"

He exhales noisily, shoulders relaxing, arms flexing under his thin shirt. Sakura watches as he struggles with something in his head, comes to a decision, and finally turns to her.

She waits.

"I don't understand," he begins seriously. "I still don't understand, and maybe I never will. Sakura, you broke my heart for him. For someone who wasn't even in your life."

Sakura swallows. "Not for him," she says. "For both of our sakes. For you."

"Explain."

"Lee," she fidgets with her beer. "I really care about you. And it wasn't fair on you, none of it. I wanted to give us a chance because I felt something there. I thought if I just nurture it, if we nurture it, it can become something real."

Lee interrupts her. "It was always real for me."

Her mouth snaps shut.

He continues. "You know that I've liked you ever since we became friends back in first year. And there were moments. Moments when I believed you felt the same. When he broke your heart, I was there for you. I was always there for you. When you finally came to me, I honestly thought that was it. That you've finally noticed me, wanted to give me a chance to show you how much I liked you. To get that in return. It was always real for me, Sakura. I wasn't waiting."

She doesn't know how to respond to that. Dating Lee was a safe choice. Lee was a safe choice. She knew he wouldn't break her heart like Itachi did, or keep doubting her like Kabuto did. Their friendship is still an aspect of her life that she relies on, knowing that he will be there.

Maybe she really has taken him for granted.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly, unable to look him in the eye. "I'm really sorry, Lee."

A heavy silence hangs between them, until Lee breaks it just as quietly. "I'm sorry, too. For hating Itachi when I was actually mad at you."

She ducks her head further in shame.

"Not that I'm not mad at him," Lee continues. "I am. For breaking your heart. But I shouldn't have been so hostile when you're willing to forgive him."

Sakura fidgets some more. "I don't know about that."

Another brief pause. The surprise is palpable. "What do you mean? Aren't you two sorting things out, now that there are no more secrets?"

Sakura's feet is tapping underneath the table even as she stays perfectly still above it.

Finally returning Lee's gaze, Sakura sighs. "It's still too much to process. I don't want to rush into making everything back to how it was."

Lee frowns. "I hope not. Sakura, why do you think you have to go back to how things were?"

"Huh?"

He groans as though she is unbelievable, and the tension between them breaks suddenly. When he speaks next, Sakura knows that it's Lee The Friend and not Lee The Ex.

"Are you the same person you were back then?"

She shakes her head immediately. "Not really."

"Is he the same person he was back then?"

Sakura thinks, even though she knows the answer already. "Yes and no. He's still Itachi, you know? But he's not – he's not –"

Lee puts up a hand. "No need to explain. If you know it, that's good enough. So if both of you are not exactly the same people, then why do you expect things to go back? Sakura, you have to build something new here. What's gone is gone. It's not coming back."

There's a distinct stinging behind her eyes.

She knows he's right. Already knew it. But hearing him say it –

Sakura never thought she'd have to mourn for her old Itachi twice.

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