Disclaimer: Evangelion is owned by Gainax, and if they say the word, this story is toast.  This is the sequel to Kaiku, so you should probably read that before this.  Thanks.

Shunji

By Random1377

Shinji said nothing as he gazed up into Chidori's mocha colored eyes, caught up for the moment in counting the tiny flecks of green in their depths. At last count, he was up to thirteen, but the girl kept doing things to distract him, like kissing him and running her fingers over his face – smiling all the while as if she knew he was trying to accomplish something and was taking great pleasure in deterring him from it.

Keeping still, Chidori smiled, contenting her self with returning his gaze.  After a moment, she spread her fingers slightly and redistributed her weight, trying to make him more comfortable.  All of the lights in his room were out, save one, and its soft glow gave the entire scene a gentle, almost watercolor tone.

"Why are we doing this again?" Shinji asked finally, the corners of his lips twitching as a smile threatened to emerge.

"Because it feels nice," Chidori replied softly, her smile broadening, "and because it's quiet."

"Oh yeah."

Chidori stifled a giggle as the boy's face grew thoughtful.  "Silly," she whispered.

Shinji slipped his arms around the girl's waist, hugging her briefly.  "You should probably lie next to me," he murmured reluctantly, "if anyone came in, they might get the wrong idea."

Chidori shrugged, placing her hands flat against his chest and resting her chin on the backs of her fingers.  "We're not doing anything," she pointed out reasonably, "we've both got our clothes on."

"Yeah," Shinji nodded, "but you're on me."

Chidori's eyes widened in mock surprise, and she looked down with an expression of comic shock.  "I am?" she gasped.  "Wow – I thought your bed was just really lumpy!"

"I'm not lumpy," Shinji grumbled.

Chidori bit her lower lip, her smile falling away as her voice lowered to a serious whisper.  "You're cute when you pout."

Shinji blushed and averted his eyes.  "Thanks…"

Even after going out for as long as they had, it was hard for him to hear such openly adoring comments.  He still woke up sometimes forgetting that Chidori was his girlfriend, and it was always a bit of a shock when she passed him in the hallway, or stopped by his desk to say hi, smiling happily when only he could see her.

"Your bed is too small for me to lie next to you without me falling on my butt if you took a deep breath," Chidori reasoned, "and we're not doing anything bad."

Shinji frowned, thinking that some people might consider her lying full-length on top of him just a bit on the bad side, but he kept this observation to himself… mostly because he knew she was right – his bed really was rather small.

Chidori closed her eyes and sighed, thinking how lucky she was.  Shinji was very gentle with her – almost painfully so – and she knew he would never hurt her.  It was a piece of mind few relationships were fortunate enough to enjoy.

"Come on," Shinji said quietly, slipping free of her arms and standing, "I'll walk you to the train, it's getting late."

"Shinji?"

"Hmm…?"

Chidori rose to her knees on his bed.  "Can I have anther kiss?" she asked timidly.  She kept her flinch internal as Shinji hesitated, then closed her eyes as he nodded and leaned forward.

I'm going to ruin this, she thought, placing her hands on the boy's shoulders as he gently brushed his lips across hers.  One of these days I'm going to push too hard, and he's going to leave… but I can't help it!  He's my boyfriend. I can't ALWAYS be the one to kiss HIM.

"Let's go," Shinji whispered as they parted.

Chidori smiled, slipping out of the bed and standing in front of him with her hands behind her back.

"What is it?" Shinji asked when she made no move to leave.

Chidori leaned forward, kissing his chin lightly.  "I… love… you," she said warmly.

Shinji averted his eyes, shuffling his feet awkwardly.  After a moment of silence, he whispered, "I… don't know why you do."

Break through.  These were the only words that came to Chidori's mind as her boyfriend turned away.  Don't let him open that door; she thought suddenly, if he does, you'll never get this close to him again!  He'll put his armor back on, and you'll never see 'him' no matter how hard you try.

Shinji's hand was on the door when Chidori's settled over it.  He looked back over his shoulder.  "What is it?" he asked, suddenly anxious to be out of the quiet room.

Slowly, Chidori slipped between him and the door, resting the back of her head against it and looking up into his eyes.  "I love you," she said, her voice low but firm and tender, "No matter how badly other people treat you, or what happens to you, you're nice."  She reached out; running her right forefinger from his forehead down to his lips, smiling as he reflexively closed his eyes.  "You're so sweet to me, even… even though I keep asking you for more and more – you've never, ever told me no.  I mean, even people who don't know you know your name, that's how good you are." 

She ran her hand down to his chest, placing it lightly over his heart.  "So why do I love you?" she whispered.  "Why, on Earth, wouldn't I?"

She stood with her hand on his heart, trying to tame the butterflies in her stomach as his body shivered slightly.  Why is it so hard to believe in yourself? she thought, staring intently into his downcast face.  I can feel you shaking, Shinji, I think… I think you WANT to believe… don't you?  If you believe in yourself, maybe… maybe you could believe in me too…?

It was a fragile theory, she knew, and one that might possibly even backfire.  Maybe, if Shinji decided that he was as good as she thought he was, he might decide he was too good for someone like her.  Which, in her mind… he was.

Slowly, he raised his head, looking past her.  "I'll walk you to the train," he said thickly, trying to open the door.

"I don't want to go," Chidori whispered, pushing away from the wall and embracing him tightly, "I'm… I'm not leaving."

"Chidori," Shinji said quietly, a hint of an edge in his voice, "you can't stay here all night."

"Why can't I?" the girl replied, pouting quite visibly as she toyed with one of the buttons on his shirt.  "I'll tell my mom I'm staying with Kaname – don't make me go away, please!  I… Shinji I won't let you push me away!"  Her eyes widened and she buried her face in his chest as he gaped at her.  "I'm sorry!!" she cried, fear washing away determination in a heartbeat, "I'm sorry – please don't be mad at me! Please don't make me go!  Please… please don't break up with me – I won't ask for anything else, I swear to God!!"

Shinji felt dazed as the girl exploded into tears, clutching him tightly and sobbing, 'I'm sorry,' and, 'don't break up with me,' over and over again.  "Hey," he said after a minute, "Hey, I'm not going to break up with you.  Chidori…?"  He sighed, slowly putting his arms around her as she began gasping for breath.  "I'm not going to break up with you," he repeated, "and… you can stay… until Misato gets home.  Ok?"

Chidori was beyond hearing him.  She simply grasped him tighter and tighter, gasping for breath as her chest hitched.  He'll leave me; she thought certainly, why do I keep pushing??  God – I'm screwing this up!!

"Chidori?" Shinji whispered, growing alarmed as the girl began shuddering.  "Chidori??  Damn it…" he struggled to stay upright as the girl abruptly went limp in his arms.  Awkwardly, he managed to get over to the bed, falling gracelessly into it.  "Great…" he sighed, finding himself situated uncomfortably with Chidori half on and half off of the bed.  Grunting from the effort, he hauled her up with him, holding her close as she groaned.  "Shh," he whispered, stroking her hair as her eyes fluttered open.  "You don't have to leave yet."

Softly, she began to cry again.

- - - - -

Asuka glanced at Shinji for possibly the fifth time since they began their walk to school, and for the fifth time she forced herself to look away.  It was not that Shinji looked a touch more tired than usual that was puzzling the redhead, nor was it the barely-visible mark on the side of his neck, indicating that the Third Child had been particularly friendly with his girlfriend the evening before.  When she thought about it, Asuka could not say exactly what it was about Shinji's appearance that day that was disturbing her, but she was definitely not comfortable walking next to him.

After several blocks of silent contemplation, she decided that enough was enough – she would know what was going on.

"What the hell is your problem?"

Shinji blinked, looking up with some confusion.  "Huh?"

Asuka moved in front of him so that he would be forced to stop.  "I said what the hell is your problem?" she repeated, leaning closer.  "Did I stutter?"

Shinji lowered his eyes, mumbling, "I don't know what you mean."

"Yeah you do," Asuka growled, "you've been…" she waved her hand in his face, "quiet since your little girly friend left – what the hell?"

"Just… don't feel like talking," Shinji said uneasily.

"Not buying it," Asuka shook her head, "usually you don't shut up for hours after she leaves."

Shinji's eyes widened.  "Really?"

"Really," the redhead snapped, "now tell me why you're pouting!  It's annoying!"

"I'm not pouting," Shinji pouted.

"Uh huh," Asuka rolled her eyes, "and Misato drinks beer for the taste.  Now talk!!"

Shinji shrugged uncomfortably.  "It's nothing," he said dismissively, "just kind of tired since… since Chidori stayed so late."

Liar! Asuka thought instantly.  Hey wait… why am I holding back?

"Liar!"

Shinji stopped walking.  "Can we just drop it?" he asked.

"No," Asuka replied immediately, "we can't."

For the first time since they started walking, the barest hint of anger stirred in Shinji's eyes.  "Why do you care?" he wondered sullenly.  "You don't even like her."

Asuka threw her hands in the air. "What are you talking about??" she demanded.  "I'm going shopping with her tomorrow, aren't I?!  Do you think I'd waste my time hanging out with someone I don't like to impress YOU?  Why would you even SAY that I don't like her!?"

Shinji would not meet her eyes, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like 'just habit, I guess' before clearing his throat and replying, "Sorry."

Shaking her head, Asuka retorted, "Not good enough – tell me why you're acting like this!"

"I-"

"Look," she said, gritting her teeth as she realized she was still sounding confrontational… but not quite knowing how to stop.  "I've got no problem with Chidori, and I've got no problem with you, ok?  You've… been really good to me since… since my date, so I appreciate that.  I just wish you'd tell me what's wrong – maybe I could help, or something."

Shinji reluctantly raised his eyes, drawing a deep breath as if to tell the redhead what was brothering him.  But ultimately he dropped his gaze, letting the breath out in a rush before whispering, "It's nothing…"

Asuka's eyes blazed.  "Fine," she said coldly, "if that's how you want it."

Whipping around, she stomped off towards school.  Very mature, she scolded herself, reaching the front door to the school several moments before Shinji and yanking it viciously open.  You rag on him for having a problem in the first place, then freak out because he won't tell you what it is.  God, I wonder if I'm getting my period early.  Sure feels-

Her thought cut off as she spotted Chidori slipping out of the classroom marked 2-A.  "Souske?" she muttered, advancing on the startled girl.  "What are you-"

"Shhh!!" Chidori hissed, putting a finger up to her lips and looking around quickly.  "Is… is Shinji-sama with you?"

Asuka glanced over her shoulder, squinting through the glass on the school door.  "He was right behind – yeah, I see him."

Chidori looked relieved.  "Oh good," she sighed, "I thought maybe he was sick or something."  She bit her lip, taking another nervous look around.  "Hey, don't tell my teacher I was here, ok?  I'm supposed to be in the bathroom."

Still angry – and a bit confused – about her argument with Shinji, Asuka simply shrugged.  "Yeah, whatever."

"Thanks," Chidori said gratefully, not picking up on the note of annoyance in the other girl's voice as she started for the stairs.  "See you tomorrow, Souryu-sempai!"

Asuka watched the girl scurry off with a look of bemused irritation.  Shinji SAMA? she thought disgustedly, shaking her head and sliding open the door to 2-A.  Dono?  Sure.  Kun?  Yeah, fine.  But Sama??  Isn't that a bit much? Man, I'm glad I'm not like that.

She came up short as her eyes landed on Shinji's desk.  "…no way."

"What is it?"

Asuka jumped slightly as Shinji spoke up behind her. "Don't sneak up on people!" she snapped, whirling on the boy.

Shinji shrank back.  "S-sor-"

"AND STOP SAYING SORRY!!"

Looking faintly ill, Shinji managed a quick bow, edging around the girl and into the classroom… but coming up short as his eyes fell to his desk.  "What…?"

"Whoo hoo!!" Touji shouted, clapping as he caught sight of his friend.  "Damn, man!" he exclaimed, lacing his hands behind his head.  "I thought it was the guy's job to do that – you must be one hell of a good l-"

"Suzuhara!" Hikari snapped suddenly, rising from her desk and planting her fists on her hips.  "You don't really want to go to the principal's this early in the day, do you??"

Touji's smile collapsed.  "Yeah, ok," he grumbled, "spoilsport…"

Ignoring his friend entirely, Asuka focused her attention on Shinji's face, trying to read his expression as he studied the items sitting on his desk.  Well, it IS usually guys that buy them, she conceded as Shinji walked slowly up the aisle to his seat.  And they are pretty…

"Did… Chidori…?" Shinji asked, sounding dazed as he dropped his schoolbag on the floor and picked up the bright red bunch of roses that were sitting on his desk.

"Who else would give you flowers?" Asuka asked dryly, "Last time I checked, there weren't 'we love Shinji' rallies being held in the locker room."  She blinked as she spied something on the floor.  "There's a note… you dropped it."

Curiously, she leaned over Shinji's shoulder and read the note under her breath.

"Aishiteru, Koibito-Kun.

            -S.C.

P.S. Look under your butt."?

Shinji shook his head.  "'Seat,'" he corrected softly, setting the note on his desk, "it says 'look under your seat.'"

"Well… the Kanji looks the same," Asuka mumbled, watching the Third stoop down and feel under his chair.

A moment later, the boy rose to his feet, ignoring the press of bodies as several curious students sidled discretely closer in an effort to see what he had.

"Cologne…?"

The room went dead silent as Shinji's cell phone began to ring.

It was common knowledge that Shinji was not in the habit of making friends, and everyone in 2-A knew that the few friends the boy did have were sitting less than five feet away from him, and neither was holding a phone.  As a result… the only reason anyone could think of for his phone to ring was because an angel was attacking.

"H-hello?"

Asuka frowned, reaching for her own phone and flipping it open to check the battery gauge.  Finding it reading at full charge, her frown deepened.  "What the-"

"Oh," Shinji said into the phone, looking very relieved, "hello, Misses Souske."

Feeling the tension leave her, Asuka flipped her phone closed and dropped into her own seat, listening to Shinji's conversation more out of habit than any real curiosity.  After all – why should she care if his girlfriend's mother wanted to talk to him?

Then again, she thought as Shinji listened intently, how come he gave her his number…?

Shinji provided the answer as he mumbled, "Well, yeah, I was kind of wondering…"  He nodded to himself.  "Yeah, I did, but… uh huh… uh huh… well, no, it doesn't bother me, but… well, yes, I am, but… no… yes… I understand.  I'll be there…"

"Problem?" Asuka asked coolly as the boy clicked his phone off and slipped it into his pocket.

"No," Shinji said, sounding drained, "I just… she wants me to come over later and… and talk to her about something…"

Grinning, the redhead replied, "Someone's in trou-ble."

When Shinji simply shrugged, Asuka ground her teeth.

She faced forward, scowling deeply as Hikari called, "Everybody rise… bow… be seated."

Asuka's teeth continued to grind as several connections were made in her mind.  No way…

But there was no denying it – it rang too true: out of nowhere, Asuka found that she was intensely jealous of the relationship the two other children shared.  And the thing that upset her most was the fact that she was unsure who she was more jealous of – Shinji or Chidori.  Neither made her very happy… but the reasons why were far, FAR different.

- - - - -

Hikari let out a deep, long-suffering sigh, staring down at her star chart with a dismal, brooding expression on her face.  I'm a failure…

Her eyes ran along the constellations, their names slipping easily past until they locked onto the one she had dreaded seeing since she laid the map on her desk and began checking it for errors.

Cassiopeia.

I thought you were supposed to help me, she berated the tiny cluster of dots, ignoring the droning of the teacher as she traced the constellation with her fingertip.  Aren't you the Goddess of Love?  Why can't I just talk to Touji, then, hmm?  Blah – I ask for your help on this one little thing, and nothing!  I didn't ask for you to have him fall madly in love with me… though that would have been a nice bonus, no, I just asked for the courage to TALK to him, and you couldn't even help me on that!

She raised her head as the door to the classroom slid open.  "Suzuhara, Touji?" the young woman framed by the portal called, her tone all business.  "Class representative Horaki, can you tell me where I can find Touji Suzuhara?"

"Of course," Hikari said, rising to her feet, and glancing over her shoulder.  "Hey Suzuhara…"

Touji snorted and sat bolt upright in his seat.  "Er, what is a meteorite!?"

Hikari rolled her eyes and blew out an exasperated breath as the class broke into raucous laughter.  "This isn't Jeopardy!" she growled.  "The principal wants to see you."

"Aww man!" Touji groaned, rubbing his bleary eyes.  "It wasn't me!"

"What wasn't you?" Hikari asked, confused.

"Whoever it was that did something bad enough to get called to the principal's office!"

As the class tittered, Hikari replied, "Just go, Suzuhara… and before you say it – I had nothing to do with this one!"

She sighed as the boy rose to his feet and headed for the door, bowing to their teacher as the principal's aide ushered him from the classroom.

"What did he do this time?" Kensuke murmured behind her.

"Not sure," Hikari whispered back, shooting a quick glance at the teacher – just in case he happened to be looking their way.  "He's your friend – shouldn't you be going too?"

"Oh very funny," Kensuke grumbled, "I'm not with him every waking minute, you know."

"Really?" Hikari asked innocently.

A soft ping from her laptop was her only reply.  Glancing around surreptitiously, she gazed down at the screen.

KAida this is better.  Now really, I've been with him all day – ha ha, keep your jokes to yourself – and we haven't done anything but hang out and have lunch.

Hikari took another look around before replying.

HHoraki Well, I know he's up to date on his homework, for once.  Maybe it's his sister?

KAida Could be, but he's got that cell his dad bought for him with him.  I think they'd call if she got sick or something, right?

HHoraki You're right.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Hikari hesitated, and then added.

HHoraki Hey, what's up with you and Ikari?  Are you two talking again?

She bit her bottom lip, staring at the blinking cursor for a long, long minute.  Maybe he's not going to answer, she thought, I shouldn't have brought it up.

KAida It's not that simple.

HHoraki Why not?

KAida It just isn't, ok??

Hikari sighed, resisting the urge to turn around and glare at the boy.  Quickly, she typed her reply.

HHoraki Kensuke, look – you're getting all bent out of shape over nothing, you know that, right?  You're acting like Shinji's sleeping with your sister or something!  I mean, come on, he's your FRIEND.  He wants you to talk to him – just look at him!  He doesn't even smile when you're around, and it's because you're being a JERK.

Hikari's finger was shaking as she hit Enter.  She could not recall ever being that harsh with Kensuke before, but sometimes, she reasoned, people had to be shown how foolish they were being. She let out a long, sad breath as the system relayed the response.

User KAida -logged out-

"Stubborn idiot."

SLAsuka Talking about Shinji?

Hikari shook her head and sighed.  The system administrator for the school had never gotten around to changing Asuka's log-in, and actually seemed to take great pleasure in having her in his office, ranting that it should not take more than two minutes to correct, and really, just because she was born in America, her first name was NOT Souryu.

Another message appeared on her screen as she began typing her response.

SLAsuka We'll talk about it on lunch… sensei's watching.

Hikari looked up from her terminal, finding that the old teacher was watching Asuka with an odd look of concern on his face.  Wait, she thought slowly, Asuka AND Shinji… he's watching both of them.  She risked a look at Shinji, and found him simply staring straight ahead, his pencil poised over his notebook as if ready to take notes at a moment's notice.

Then again, the page he was on was entirely blank, and class had been in session for over an hour… and his free hand was resting on the bunch of flowers sitting in his lap.

Something's going on; Hikari thought suddenly, I know it!  Something big… something not so good… and something that has NOTHING to do with the Goddess of Love!

- - - - -

Shinji tried his best not to fidget as he sat in the Souskes' kitchen, stealing uneasy looks at his hostess as she coolly ignored him, working instead on a 550 piece puzzle spread out on the table in front of her.  He had been sitting there for over fifteen minutes, and had been unable to raise more than a 'just a minute' from Chidori's mother.  Not that he had been trying too hard, in all honesty, since he was sure she had called him over to tell him to stop seeing her daughter.

What else could it be? he asked himself, glancing once again at the lid to the puzzle box, showing how the puzzle – a soft, watercolor wildlife painting – should look when complete.  He shifted on the chair, reaching out and almost taking the teacup she had set in front of him when he had first arrived, but finding his hand pulling back to sit in his lap as he had approximating a million times already. The tea inside had long since stopped issuing its steam, and Shinji was sure that it must be as cold as ice by now. 

Cold like me, he thought with sudden, cruel misery, I don't even know what I feel for Chidori.  I can spend all day letting her tell me she loves me, but I can't even say-

"Nervous?"

Shinji jumped slightly, blurting, "Yes," before he could stop himself.  "I mean… no, ma'am, I'm… I'm fine."

Myakka pushed a piece of the puzzle into place, grinning broadly.  "Not knowing what you've been summoned for can really put a person on edge, wouldn't you agree?" she asked lightly, lifting her eyes to regard him for a moment.  "The old commander of Geherin was the worst for that… or so I'm told – I made sure that I never had to be called to his office."  When Shinji simply stared, Myakka sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose.  "Do you know why you're here at all, Shinji?" she asked quietly.

Looking around the otherwise empty house, Shinji ran over every possible explanation – just to be sure – before replying, "Umm… you want to talk to me about Chidori…?"

"Very good," Myakka said dryly.  "Now why do you think I'd want to talk to you about her?"

Shinji shrugged uncomfortably.  "Because… you're worried about her?"

Myakka snorted.  "You could say that," she nodded.  Seeing that Shinji was not about to volunteer any interaction, Myakka sighed.  "Chidori is an only child," she pointed out slowly, "and as such, she can be very spoiled.  Since she likes you so much, I'm sure she wouldn't show you that side of herself… but rest assured, it is there."

"I believe you," Shinji muttered under his breath, clearly recalling the tantrum the girl had thrown not three days prior.

"We all have our faults, Shinji," the woman said quietly, easily picking up on the note of disapproval in his voice, "mine, for example, is a problem telling my daughter the truth."

"Huh?"

Myakka reached into the puzzle box, her long, delicate fingers idly wandering over the pieces left in it as she contemplated what she would say next.  "Chidori is not my daughter," she said finally, selecting a piece from the box and ignoring Shinji's look of shock.  "I married Mister Souske when Chidori was two years old, three weeks after her birth mother… passed away."

Shinji frowned at the odd hesitation in the way the woman said 'passed away,' but pushed it from his mind as she continued telling her tale.

"I was her friend, you see… and I promised her that if anything should ever happen to her, I would take care of Chidori.  So, I married her husband and raised Chidori as my own.  We stayed together for all of eight months… six of which were hell.  It turned out that Shizuko's death hit him harder than anyone would have guessed, and he started taking a little too strong a liking to his evening gin and tonics, if you catch my drift.  It started out with one – to help him relax – but by the time I told him I was taking Chidori and leaving, it had become one bottle."

She met Shinji's eyes levelly as she concluded, "When I left… I don't think he noticed."

"Wh-why are you telling me all this?" Shinji asked awkwardly, wishing she would not stare so intently into his eyes.

"I'm telling you all this because I want to be honest with you," Myakka said calmly, "And now I'd like the same consideration from you.  I'd like to know what you intend to do with my daughter."

Shinji blinked.  "I don't understand," he said uneasily, shifting in his seat and trying to figure out how one subject related to the other.

Myakka snorted, carefully pressing another piece into the puzzle.  "I don't appreciate it when people play stupid with me," she murmured, "but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, since I like you so much."  She folded her hands and set them on the table, staring straight into Shinji's eyes as she said, "What are your intentions?  I know that up to this point, you two have been pretty low-key about things – don't ask me how I know this, just take my word for it – but lately, Chidori has been… different."

"Different how?" Shinji asked quietly, no longer able to meet the woman's eye.  "Has she been… talking about me more, or something?"

"Ha!" Myakka laughed, clapping her hands together.  "Now, from anyone else, I would take that as a conceited comment, but from you…" she shook her head ruefully, "you're so god damned honest that I know you really don't have a clue."  Her laughter faded, and she shook her head once more, slower this time.  "No, Shinji," she whispered, "she's been talking about you less in the last week, and every time I ask how you are… she changes the subject."

Shinji looked bewildered.  "O-oh," he said, slightly taken aback, "well, so… she's losing interest, right?"

Myakka's lips compressed to a thin line.  "You needn't sound so pleased by the prospect, Shinji," she said coolly, "I know that her… intensity may be a bit overwhelming sometimes, but please don't ever get the impression that I don't want you with her.  Her happiness means a great deal to me."

Entirely at a loss for words, Shinji simply waited in silence for the woman to reach her conclusion, though at that point, with what she had told him of Chidori's behavior – and her own relationship with her – he was not exactly sure what it would be.

"Chidori is…" Myakka cast around for a suitable word for a moment before settling on, "foolish, I guess, when it comes to deception.  She's young, and just a little too honest to effectively conceal her true aims.  Does that make sense?"

"N-no, ma'am," Shinji admitted reluctantly.  "I'm sorry."

Myakka patted his hand consolingly.  "Don't be," she said with a smile, "it just means that you're the same way."  She leaned back and regarded the half-finished puzzle in silence for a moment before saying, "Alright, I'll lay it on the table for you, Shinji – Chidori hasn't been talking about you for the last few days not because she has lost interest, but because her interest has increased – and I know that may be hard for you to grasp, but you don't go from complete infatuation to absolute neutrality at the drop of a hat.  It just doesn't work that way."

Shinji digested this for a moment, saying nothing.

"Not going to make this easy for me, are you?" Myakka sighed.  "Look – what I was trying to subtly ask is, are you, or are you not… sleeping with my daughter?"

"N…no!" Shinji gasped, half-rising to his feet as the woman quickly stood, putting a hand on his shoulder and pushing him easily back into his seat.  "I-"

"Shinji."

"Y-yes?"

"Shut up."

Myakka moved around so that she was standing entirely behind Shinji, her hands resting lightly on his shoulders.

"This is a strange time we live in, Shinji," she whispered, staring down at the boy's head with a thoughtful expression.  "We're all fighting for our lives against an enemy we can barely comprehend, while trying to maintain and perpetuate a dangerously flagging species."  Her voice lowered even further.  "In some countries," she said softly, "Chidori would be a mother already – THAT is how desperate our situation is right now, Shinji… survival is not a game that one can play by such outdated rules as chivalry and propriety.  If there is a way to save the race, no matter how queasy it may make those of us in the 'old guard,' we must take it."

She leaned down until her mouth was right next to Shinji's ear, making him swallow hard as she said, "You and Chidori having sex may be inevitable, Shinji… but if you break her heart, I swear to God I will kill you – oh yes, you, the vaunted Third Child of NERV.  I would do it without a second thought."

"W-we're not…" Shinji trembled as Myakka's hands idly brushed his throat.  "We're not sleeping tog-"

"You're not listening to me," Myakka cut in calmly, "I said, 'If you break her heart…'"

Shinji's mouth, which had fallen open, snapped shut, and his eyes instinctively clenched closed as he felt something warm and damp fall onto the back of his neck.

"I understand…"

Myakka's hands briefly tightened on his shoulders as she let out a harsh, ragged little laugh.

"Do you?"

- - - - -

Asuka paced nervously back and fourth outside of Kaji's office, her fists clenching and unclenching at her sides as her mind went over what she considered her plan of attack.  Ok, she thought, doing an abrupt about-face in the narrow corridor, so dinner was a disaster, big deal.  Maybe… maybe Shinji's right – maybe me and Kaji can't have an adult relationship right now.

She smiled to herself, bringing her right fist up and clenching it tightly in front of her eyes as a symbol of her resolve. "But if I can stay close to him," she whispered, "then when he realizes that I'm ready, I'll be right there,"

Her eyes glittering, she reached out and seized his doorknob.

"Perfect."

Swinging the door open, she took a deep breath, prepared to greet him with a casual, 'oh, hey Kaji – how's it going?' to prove that the horror that was their dinner date was not weighing on her mind, but when she stepped into the room, she found Kaji so absorbed with what he was typing on the computer that she changed her strategy.

Familiarity, she thought with a broad grin, what would Misato do?  Just call out and make him jump?  No way!  She'd want him to know she was there, but make him want her at the same time.

Conveniently ignoring the fact that this was counter to her less-than-five-minutes-old decision to try and maintain a friendship, Asuka quietly stole into the room, her tongue peeking out between her teeth as she tiptoed up behind Kaji's chair and – before he could realize she was there – put her hands over his eyes and seductively whispered, "Guess who?"

During the next few seconds, Asuka would later realize, several very important things happened.  First, her hands over Kaji's eyes caused him to fumble on the keyboard, unsuccessfully trying to close the screen he was looking at.  Second, Asuka's eyes happened to travel up – out of nothing more than instinctual curiosity – and read what was written on the screen.  And lastly, Kaji's left hand shot into one of the desk drawers, wrapping around something dark and metallic and drawing it halfway out before the man seemed to figure out who was blinding him and quickly shoved it out of sight.

"Damn it, Asuka!" he snapped, reaching up and yanking her hands from his eyes as he finally succeeded in shutting his monitor down.  "Don't do that!"

Asuka swallowed.  "Him?" she whispered, giving the drawer an uneasy glance as Kaji elbowed it closed.  "They're making him a pilot?"

Kaji drew in a deep breath.  "Damn it…" he repeated, suddenly sounding very tired.

"You've gotta be kidding me," the redhead complained, wishing her voice was a little more even.  "He's… he's a stooge!  They can't be serious about making him a pilot… can they?"

Thankful that the girl's incredulity and natural resilience were distracting her from understanding that he had very nearly just killed her, Kaji shrugged.  "The Marduk Commission chooses pilot candidates," he said lightly, "you know that."

"But not him!" Asuka cried, pointing at the now-blank screen.  "There's gotta be a mistake or something!  He can't… he shouldn't… he… it's just wrong!"

Kaji smiled.  "Wrong or right, he's in," he said smoothly, deciding to treat the situation not as a serious breach of security – which it was, as no one was supposed to know the Fourth Child's identity – but rather as an early breaking news story that the girl could say 'I knew before any of you' and have it brushed off as her usual swagger.

Lord I'm a dick.

"Well don't blame me if that idiot destroys the whole base and falls down in front of an angel," Asuka said haughtily, boosting herself up onto his desk and tugging the hem of her skirt back down with an exasperated grunt.  "And another thing, he… what are you grinning about?"

Kaji was biting his tongue to keep from laughing, and shook his head to indicate that nothing was wrong… but when Asuka continued to press, he whispered, "It's nothing, I just thought that three weeks ago, or maybe even two… you wouldn't have tried to cover yourself…"

Flushing, Asuka averted her eyes, finding that it was rather difficult to remember what, exactly, they had been talking about.  "I don't think it's funny," she huffed, crossing her legs and making sure her skirt covered her knees.  "Damn it, stop laughing!!"

Yeah, ok, she thought as Kaji finally pulled himself together.  So I was a little… over-eager.  I just want you to see me so bad!  And I'm changing – for you, not for anyone else – I'm trying to be the kind of woman you like… please don't laugh at me, because I might-

Her thought process was interrupted as Kaji reached out and patted her on the knee.  "I didn't say I thought it was funny," he said mildly, "I'm just laughing because I'm amazed at how…grown up you seem all of the sudden."

"Th-thank you," Asuka managed, feeling rather warm.  She shifted on the desktop, anxious for more praise.

She did not have to wait very long.

"Grown up and responsible," Kaji murmured, staring thoughtfully into her eyes.  "Responsible enough to make sure a secret is kept… right?"

Asuka nodded at once, eager to prove herself.  "Right," she said firmly, "I won't tell anyone what I saw – I'd keep any secret for you, Kaji."

The impulse to add 'professional or otherwise' was very strong, but she resisted it somehow, telling herself that she would be a fool to ruin his newfound respect for her.

He's starting to see me as an adult, she thought, thrilling to the very idea as Kaji sat back in his chair and contemplated her.  I'm getting through to him!  God, I was ready to give up – but now…

She sat up a little straighter as Kaji seemed to come to a decision.  Looking her straight in the eye he said, "Can you… give something to Misato for me?"

Asuka bristled, the warm feeling in her stomach fading a little as she bit back the sarcastic words that rose to her lips and instead mumbled, "Yeah, sure."

Kaji smiled sadly, rising to his feel and stepping closer to where Asuka was perched on the edge of his desk.

"Wh-what?" the girl stammered, unnerved by the intensity of his stare, and her heart began to hammer as he reached up and brushed his fingertips down her eyelids, forcing her to close them.

"Don't say anything," Kaji's voice, soft and serious, whispered right next to her ear, "and don't tell Misato about this until… well, just remember that it's there, ok?  And try to be on time to school next Tuesday."

Asuka opened her mouth to speak, but remembered his admonition and nodded instead.  Tuesday? she thought, confused, What's so important about next Tuesd-

Her thought was cut off as she felt the tip of Kaji's finger running lightly over the rim of her right ear, moving slowly around until it reached the small earring she was wearing and slipping it deftly off, making Asuka jump slightly as it dropped to the floor with a soft 'tink.'

"This is very, very important, Asuka," Kaji whispered, the warmth of his breath on her cheek making her shiver involuntarily, "you're the only one I can trust with this… please don't let me down, ok?"

Asuka let out a shaking breath as she felt warm metal pressing against her ear.  What is th-

Again, her thought was interrupted as Kaji gently took her head in his hands and pressed his lips to her forehead.

Silence enveloped the room as Asuka opened her eyes, slowly raising them to meet Kaji's as he stepped back, still wearing that soft, sad smile.  "Have dinner with me again…?" she blurted quietly, wishing her voice was not so choked.

Kaji slowly shook his head.  "Don't take it off, ok?" he said softly, brushing a strand of hair off of her face and nodding to her ear.  "Don't take it off for anything."

"You're leaving… aren't you…"

Since it was not a question, Kaji did not reply… but he did wrap his arms around her and let her rest her head on his shoulder, softly shushing her as she quietly began to shiver, refusing – even then – to allow a single tear to fall.

- - - - -

Misato strode purposefully through NERV's corridors, her long, dark hair swinging from side to side as she marched towards the office of one Ryouji Kaji.  Her left hand was wrapped tightly around a small piece of paper, and her right hand twitched as if it ached to wrap around something – someone's throat, perhaps.

After everything we talked about, she thought grimly, tightening her hold on the paper even more, you'd think he would be more careful!

She took a deep, calming breath, unconsciously straightening her skirt as she reached his door.  "Well," she said softly, "if I talk to him about it… maybe I can get him to be a little more careful."

As she raised her hand to knock, a totally unexpected sound reached her ears – laughter, and not just any laughter, Asuka's laughter. 

"What the hell…?"

Turning the knob as slowly as possible, Misato eased the door partway open, frowning as a snippet of conversation came through the crack.

"…did it the whole week??" Asuka was asking, her voice baited and full of anticipation.

"Well I couldn't exactly say no," Kaji's voice replied, "she was my girlfriend!  I sure wasn't going to turn it down!"

That bastard!

"What the hell is going on!?" Misato thundered, thrusting the door open and stepping through, "You're pretty casual about-"

The door, which Misato had unfortunately decided to release, rebounded off the small rubber stopper on the wall and smacked into her side with a solid THUMP! making the purple-haired woman stagger.

Asuka, situated on the edge of Kaji's desk, and Kaji, sitting in his office chair with his hands laced behind his head, exchanged a wide-eyed glance… and burst out laughing, covering their mouths in a pitiful attempt to stifle the giggles as Misato rubbed her pained ribs.

"Oh very funny!" Misato grumbled, "Injury to insult – first you feel free to give out intimate details about our sex life, then-"

Though she had not thought it possible, the twosome somehow managed to laugh even harder than before, going red in the face and holding their sides to try to contain the mirth they were experiencing.

"W-wasn't… talking about… s-sex," Kaji managed, wiping his streaming eyes.

"K-kaji was… telling me about… how he had to… had to…" she trailed off into hysterics, leaving Kaji to finish.

"I was just telling her how you insisted on making me dinner for a whole week."

Misato's face reddened.  "Oh, umm… right that, I… oh shut up!  It's not that funny, damn it!!"

"S-sorry!" Kaji gasped.  "Sorry, Katsuragi… I was just… getting to the night you made Chicken Cacciatore."

"Oh no you weren't!" Misato exploded, pointing to the door as Asuka finally caught her breath, "You, out!  I have to talk to Mister Kaji here for a minute."

Asuka nodded, still chuckling as she jumped down off the desk.  "Al-alright," she hiccupped, absently scratching at her right ear, "goodnight, Ryouji…"

Misato frowned as Asuka stepped out the door, giving a last, somehow sad glance back over her shoulder before starting off down the corridor.  What was that?

She shook it off as imagination, but filed it away for later review as she turned to Kaji and grumbled, "Ryouji, huh?  Well aren't you too just the best of friends… just laughing it up and palling all around."

"Laughter is the best medicine," Kaji said easily, giving the Major a dazzling smile.

Misato pursed her lips.  "And what did the patient have, Doctor?" she mumbled.  "A bad case of virginitis?"

Kaji laughed, shaking his head ruefully from side to side.  "Jealous?" he asked lightly.  "Come on, Katsuragi, didn't we have this conversation already?  You know you're the only one for me."

"Riiight," Misato snorted, "Keep firing 'em off, Kaji, you're bound to hit some day."  When her only reply was a broad grin, Misato rolled her eyes.  "Look," she said seriously, bringing her hand up and opening it to reveal the slip of paper, "I need to talk to you about something…"

- - - - -

"Hello?" Asuka called, knocking lightly on the open door and sticking her head into the house.  "Souske?"

Nice décor, she thought as she pushed the door open and stepped in, recalling the girl's directions to just make herself at home.  I'll just wait in the kitchen, I guess, she told herself, slipping her shoes off and padding down the hall, probably still in the shower or something… that train got here WAY faster than I thought, and- she cut the thought off as she stepped into the kitchen.

"Souske??

"Oh, you're early!"

Asuka shook her head as the younger girl hurriedly stuffed something into her mouth, chewing as quickly as she could.  "Peanut butter on graham crackers?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.  "Isn't that a little… Kindergarten?"

Flushing, Chidori replied, "My muffer aways-"

"I can't understand a word you're saying," Asuka interrupted.  "It sounds like you're telling me there's something wrong with your muffler."

"S-sorry," Chidori blurted, going absolutely crimson as several bits of graham cracker flew from her mouth.  "Sorry!!"

Asuka glanced down at her shoulder, frowning as she flicked a rather sizable crumb off of her shirt.  "No problem," she mumbled.  "No!  Don't apologize, just… just finish.  Thank you."

Chidori swallowed, taking a gulp of milk from the glass on the table.  "I, umm, my mom has always given me that as an afternoon snack," she said in a rush, "ever since I can remember, she would sit me down at the table and say, 'Now don't you get up until every last scrap is-'"

She cut herself off as Asuka raised a hand, an unreadable expression on her face as she whispered, "I wouldn't know."

"R-right…"

Stupid, Chidori reprimanded herself as silence fell between them, she's just like Shinji-sama – she didn't get to grow up with her mother like I did…

Asuka took a look around the kitchen, her eyes falling to the incomplete puzzle on the table.  "Yours?" she asked, indelicately changing the subject.

"My mother's," Chidori replied, thankful for a different topic to discuss.  "She loves puzzles and word games and stuff."

"Sanctuary," Asuka read, craning her neck to survey the picture.  "It's pretty."

Chidori nodded.  "Mother likes pretty things," she sighed.

"So why does she let you stay?"

"Oh, rude!" Chidori giggled, leading the other girl towards the door.  "You'd get along with mother just fine!"

Asuka pursed her lips, nodding to a picture sitting on a table by the door.  "Is that her?" she asked, pointing to the tall, dark-haired woman standing at Chidori's side in the photo.

Chidori pulled her hair back into a ponytail, wrapping a rubber band around it as she followed Asuka's line of sight.  "Uh huh!" she said brightly.  "That's her.  We took that one when I graduated elementary school."

Funny… Asuka thought, taking a closer look at the picture, they don't look anything alike.

"Ohh I love your earring!"

"Umm, yeah… thanks…"

Asuka frowned, reaching up to touch the smooth metal wrapped firmly around the edge of her ear.  She had taken a look at it upon her return home from NERV the day before, finding a smooth, lightly silver earring – inlaid with chips of lapis lazuli and topaz – running from the top of her ear all the way down to her earlobe.  It was not, she had determined, a valuable piece of jewelry… but it was certainly pretty enough – and she had made sure that she never took it off, especially since it was probably the last gift Kaji would be giving her.

For a while, anyway, she told herself quickly, he'll… come back when he's done doing… whatever it is he has to do.  He'll come back – I know he will!

A dull pang of fear worked its way through Asuka's stomach as they headed out of Chidori's house, and she kept her thoughts to herself as the younger girl led her to and through the shopping district closest to her house.  Thankfully, she was eventually able to lose herself in the simplistic bonding experience known as shopping, marveling at Chidori's seemingly endless energy as her roommate's boyfriend wandered from store to store almost at random, trying on different outfits, waving to a few friends here and there, and talking almost non-stop about every topic under the sun until they eventually came to a small lingerie store in the middle of the district, where Chidori slowed down and allowed the redhead a moment to think.

You know, Asuka thought with a faint hint of annoyance, I don't think I've EVER been this bouncy.  I just don't get how Shinji can handle it!  She shook her head as Chidori held up a lacy blue bra, indicating that it was not to her tastes.  I dunno… maybe she's different around him, but man I'd go nuts if Kaji was-

She cut the thought off.

No, she told herself firmly, nodding as Chidori held up another bra for inspection, Me and Kaji are NOT the same as her and Shinji.  Damn it, why do I keep trying to compare myself to her?!  We're not the same at all!

She folded her arms, waiting impatiently as Chidori paid for her bra and led her from the shop.  Halfway down the block, the younger girl reached into her pocket and pulled out a small package of licorice bits.  With a smile, she tore it open and held it out to the Second Child.

"Want some?"

Asuka bristled, the anger and confusion of her last train of thought still fresh in her mind, and before she really knew what she was doing, words were exploding from her mouth.  "How can you be like this?!  Just… just eating graham crackers and licorice and shopping for panties!  What if an angel showed up and stomped this place flat – don't you ever think about that??  How can you be so… so happy!?"

Chidori blinked, staring down at the bag of licorice with a contemplative frown.  Asuka fully expected the girl to mutter 'I don't know' or 'I never really thought about it' or one of the million other platitudes she had received from adults and schoolmates alike anytime the subject of the war came up.  She was well versed in the excuses and justifications people she had come to think of as normal loved to cling to… she just did not know which Chidori would fall back on.

To her very great surprise, though, the younger girl simply raised her eyes and replied, "Well… isn't that why you fight?"

"Huh?" Asuka asked, confused.  "What do you mean?"

Chidori tipped the bag of licorice up, shaking a few pieces into her palm.  "I mean don't you fight so… so people like me can be happy?" she clarified awkwardly.  "You, Ayanami-sempai, and Shinji-sama… you all fight because you have to – but don't you kind of… do it for us?  I mean, if it wasn't for you, I'd be dead – but I'm not.  You go out and you risk your life, making sure I can do things like buy bras and eat licorice and make- er, go out with Shinji… so if I didn't do any of that stuff and just stayed home, crying in my room… wouldn't that kind of be like… insulting to you, or something?"

She paused, tossing the licorice into her mouth and averting her eyes.

"If I wasn't happy… wouldn't you be kind of mad at me?  I mean, if I just hid under my covers waiting to die, wouldn't that make you mad?"

Asuka gritted her teeth, irrationally angry that the girl was not embarrassed for enjoying her life.  "Of course I'd be mad!" she snapped.  "I read about people all the time that are so scared they can't even leave their homes – but… but can't you take things a little more seriously??"

Chidori tucked the candy into the corner of her mouth, giving her an almost comical, chipmunk-esque appearance.  "So you think I should be more worried?" she murmured, chewing her licorice carefully.  "And maybe… do more with my life to make sure that if it all does end that I have no regrets?"

"Yes!" Asuka cried triumphantly, immediately thinking of Kaji – or more accurately, Kaji's imminent departure.  "Yes, that's it exactly – live like there's no tomorrow, make each day count, seize the day and all that crap!  If there's someone special in your life, make damn sure they know it!"

In fact, she thought suddenly, maybe I should call Kaji and-

"I knew you would understand!"

Asuka staggered slightly as the girl suddenly lunged forward and wrapped her arms around Asuka's waist, hugging her tightly.  What did I just miss…? she thought, entirely bewildered.

Chidori began speaking, her words rushing out so fast that they sounded like they were colliding.  "I really wasn't sure about all this until you said that, Souryu-sempai!  I knew… I mean of course I knew I wanted to be closer to Shinji, but I wasn't sure that I was doing the right thing by inviting him over – oh, I'm inviting him over later tonight by the way – and I didn't know if it was really a good idea – being alone with no one in the house is really exciting though, but anyway – so I'll do it!  I'll have him-"

"Whoa, whoa!!" Asuka cut in.  "You're… inviting Shinji over?" she asked, her head spinning as she tried to recap everything the younger girl had just showered her with.  "Being alone with him…? What are you talking about, Souske?"

Her cheeks pink with excitement, Chidori lifted the bag with her newly purchased bra to eye level.  "I'm gonna… give him something…"

"A bra?" Asuka asked skeptically.  "Never knew he was into that kind of stuff… though it does explain where my favorite push-up went."

"No!" Chidori laughed, shaking her head as her smile grew a bit more wistful.  "Something… special."

Oh… shit.

Thinking fast, Asuka backpedaled.  "Well, I, er… it's a little… sudden, for that… don't you think?" she stammered, wishing the other girl did not look quite so giddy.  "I mean you've only been going out a few weeks, and… hey, how old are you, anyway??"  She paled as Chidori clarified her age.  "That's… I thought you were… older – but, but still: you shouldn't just… don't you… isn't this a little… fast…?"

Chidori tilted her head to the side.  "But you just said I should seize the day," she pointed out, confused, "and live like there's no tomorrow, and make each minute count, and-"

"I didn't say that one," Asuka cut in, feeling dizzy.

"I know," Chidori nodded impatiently, "but still, you said it's really important to make the most of life, right?  Because… because it could all end at any time, and I don't want to have any regrets, Souryu-sempai, I don't!  So… so if I give him… that, then even if an angel attacks tomorrow, I'll be happy, because I'll know that I had the chance to be with the one I love most."

Asuka struggled for words, finding that every argument she came up with immediately contradicted her flat statement that life should be lived to the fullest.  Ultimately she settled on, "Well, I still think… I don't think it's a good idea to rush into stuff like that…"

How lame was THAT?? her mind railed as Chidori frowned in confusion.  Would I do it with Kaji, if he asked me to?  I mean… really?

With a jolt, Asuka found that she no longer knew.  A month prior – even three weeks – the answer would have been a breathless, unbridled 'yes!' but now, faced with the unexpected (and complicated) reality that Chidori was going to offer herself to Shinji, it was not so clear cut.

"Have… have you and your boyfriend…?"

There's my chance! Asuka's mind all but screamed.  I can still get out of being the one that said it was ok for her to do this.

"No," she said coolly, "we decided that we wanted to wait."

Chidori's eyes were wide with admiration.  "Wow," she breathed, "you're strong, Sempai!"

"Strong?" Asuka repeated.  "What do you mean?"

"Well," Chidori said slowly.  "I know that you love him… and you said you've… you've kissed him a lot."

Did I say that? Asuka thought guiltily, shaking her head as Chidori went on.

"But you're able to wait, when you know you might never get the chance.  You're amazing."

Dumbfounded, Asuka could think of no reply.  Amazingly STUPID, she told herself as they continued walking.  God I hate her!!

And it was true, to some degree.  At that very second, taking a sideways look at Chidori's calm, smiling face, she hated the younger girl.  She did not hate her because she was with Shinji, though she was a little envious of the stability she perceived in their relationship.  She did not hate her for her energy and happiness, though some day she felt it really would be helpful to be a bit more upbeat.  She did not even hate the girl for somehow managing to get her to agree that what she planned to do that evening was ok – and simultaneous making Asuka wonder if she, herself would do the same in that situation.

No, what Asuka hated in Chidori just then was her certainty.

The brunette knew exactly where she was going, exactly how to get there, and – most likely – what she would find when she arrived.  She was blatantly happy and innocent, supremely assured that the ones protecting her would continue to do their jobs, content in her surroundings, and confident in the love she held for her boyfriend.

And Asuka had never – ever – wanted to wrap her hands around another living person's throat and strangle the life out of them as badly as she did in that moment.

Never.

To be concluded…

Author's notes: ok, there seems to be some confusion over the story titles in this series, so here's a breakdown: 

Koibito = Lover.

Kentou = Winter. 

Amagoi = Praying for Rain. 

Kaiku = Evolution.

Sanshuunoomoi = Longing for Loved Ones.

Shunji = Moment. 

Itsumo = Forever. 

I was kind of hoping people would look them up, but in hindsight… not such a hot idea.  I won't apologize for this story taking so long to be written, though, since I wanted to take my time and get it just right, and I won't promise the last story at a pre-set time, for the same reason.  Hopefully the story is good enough to warrant the wait, and if it isn't, well, I'll apologize for that because that's about all I do have control over these days.  Oh, and if any of the translations are WRONG, I fully plan to blame http:poets.notredame.ac.jp/cgi-bin/jedi-inoa since that's where I got them.  :)

Pre-read on this story was by Ryoma, who has been known to indulge in a few gin and tonics himself :P

Feedback is always welcome at random1377yahoo.com or any site this story appears on that has reviewing capabilities.